Chapter 94 Chapter 93

Ellen Jastrow had just followed Natalie onto the wooden gangway to get into the train when an enthusiastic Jew from the deportation group pushed his way through the crowd, grabbed him by the arm, and held him back. "Dr. Jastrow, you go ahead and take the passenger train." "I'll stay with my niece." "Don't push, it won't do you any good. Go to the designated place and go quickly." Along the way, the SS soldiers shouted insults and threats in the village dialect, and beat those deported with thick sticks.Panicked, the Jews swarmed onto the gangplanks and crowded into the cattle wagons, dragging boxes, bundles, sacks, and crying children.Natalie quickly kissed Ellen on the stubbled cheek.He said "brace yourselves" in Yiddish, which Natalie didn't listen to as the Germans shouted.The rushing crowd scattered them.

The scrambling crowd squeezed Natalie into the dark train, and for a moment the smell of the cowshed reminded her of childhood summers with scenes that were so incongruous.There were shouts of rage, and there was a violent push and pull to fight for a place to sit along the rough planks.She squeezed her way to a corner under a barred window, as in the crowds on the subway at commute, where two Viennese colleagues from the mica factory were sitting with their husbands and children, surrounded by piles of luggage.They moved their legs to make room for her.She sat down and it was her place for three days after that, as if she had bought a ticket for the spot where the shit was caked on the slatted floor and the wind whined in through the wide cracks and the train The sound of the wheels rattling when driving.The noisy crowd crowded around her.

Their car set off in the rain and traveled in the rain.Although it was nearly November at that time, the weather was not cold yet.Natalie managed to stand up, stood next to the tall window with iron bars, looked out, breathed the fresh air, and saw that the leaves had changed their autumn colors, and the farmers were picking fruits. .The moment standing at the window is pleasant.The moment passed too quickly, and she had to go back to that filthy place in the car.The stench of the cowshed, the stench of men who had not bathed for a long time and huddled together in wet old clothes; all this was soon overwhelmed by the stench of other people's continuous urine.Men, women, and children: there are more than a hundred people in the car, and they must urinate in two overflowing buckets. There is a bucket at one end of the car, and everyone has to twist their bodies towards them in the crowd. Squeeze through, and only when the train stops does one of the SS men remember to pull the doors open a crack before someone goes to empty them.Natalie had to turn her face away from the side of the barrel that was less than five feet away from her, not to avoid the smell and the noise (because there was no avoiding it), but Just to make those poor squatting people feel a little more at ease.

It was not hunger, thirst, crowding, lack of sleep, the crying of poor children, harsh and violent quarrels, or even the fear of what was to come, that was most embarrassing at the beginning of the journey. This primordial human decency is broken (by the smell; by the humiliation of not having a clean and backed place to urinate. Those who are weak, old, sick , unable to squeeze in front of those barrels in the crowded crowd, and defecate in the place where they sat, making the people around them suffocate and nauseated. However, there were also some brave souls in the car.A stocky, gray-haired Czech-Jewish nurse jostles around with a bucket of water, distributing cup after cup of water that the SS only fills up every few hours to the sick and children.She invited several women to help her with the sick and clean up those who had the misfortune to soil their clothes.A large, blond-bearded Polish Jew, wearing what looked like a military cap, volunteered to be conductor of the train.He shielded the two piss buckets with blankets, persuaded the most violent quarrels, and appointed a few people to distribute the food leftovers thrown in by the SS.Here and there, in the wretched crowd, especially at the end of the food distribution, there is a sad fit of laughter; and when everything is settled, the conductor even leads some mournful songs song.

Rumors continued to circulate in the car: where they were going, and what was going to happen there.The announced destination was a "labor camp on the outskirts of Dresden," but some Czech Jews said that the route of the train passing through those stations was towards Poland.Every time the train passed a station, the people around would shout out the name of the station, which once again aroused everyone's speculation.Almost no one mentioned Auschwitz.What unfolds ahead is the whole of Eastern Europe.Every few miles the tracks branched; if not to Dresden, there were plenty of other places to go.Why must we go to Auschwitz?Most of these Jews from Theresienstadt had heard of Auschwitz.Some even received postcards from people who had already been there—although it had been a long time since any postcards had arrived.The name evokes a vague horror, and some eerie, unbelievable gossip.No, there was no reason to think that they were going to Auschwitz; and, even if they had been there, there was no reason to think that conditions there would necessarily be as dire as they were told.

This is the psychology of ordinary people that Natalie sensed in the car.She knew better.She still couldn't get rid of Ban Riel.The news that Jastrow brought.She is more unwilling to be deceived by some illusions.Because to live, to see Louis again, she had to think calmly.She sat on the cracked and drafty floor, through the long night and day, hungry and thirsty, suffering from the stench, her teeth and joints chattering with the vibration of the train, and hour after hour passed like this. plenty of time to think. After being separated from her uncle suddenly this time, her mind became clearer and her will became stronger.She was just one of a group of unknown people on the train heading east, and she was on her own from now on.When the SS drove these Jews into the cattle cart, they did not call names, but only counted the number of people.Ellen.Jastrow was still important, still famous, still an elder, still a "famous person," so he was in the front sleeper.But she is a nobody.Before the Allied forces completely defeated the German army, which was already in a state of defeat, no matter where these people were sent, they would probably give Ellen some clerical work to keep him alive.Perhaps, there, he would find her again, and protect her again; but she already knew by instinct that this was the last time she would see Ellen.

It is embarrassing to a man when he really believes that he is going to die.A patient in a hospital whose cancer has spread throughout his body, a criminal who is heading for the electric chair or the gallows, a sailor left on a shipwreck in a storm: since these people still harbor the secret hope that all this is illusory, they will Someone uttered a cry, rousing them from their stifling dreams; so much like Natalie.Why shouldn't Henry, a young and strong man on a train bound for Eastern Europe, have such hopes?She secretly hoped so, and no doubt all the Jewish victims of the whole cattle-cart hoped so too.

She is an American.This makes her different from other people.Only because of some strange encounters and her own stupid mistakes, she was imprisoned in this train; the next night, the train groaned, slowed down, entered the mountains, and zigzag through the wooded basin And the canyons of the cliffs, slowly passing through the snow under the moonlight, so the snowflakes scattered from the wheels brilliantly, dancing with the gust of wind.Looking at the quiet scenery outside, Natalie shivered from the cold, remembering the Christmas vacation in Colorado during her senior year of college; when the train climbed up the Rocky Mountains and headed for Denver, the snow drifted away under the moonlight. Come.She was trying to remember the past in America.There will come a moment when she will live or die when she can stare at a German official and make him pause to consider her words: "I am an American."

Because as long as the opportunity comes, she can prove it.Oddly enough, she still has her passport.The torn, crumpled passport, stamped "Jewish Quarter Registration," was still in the breast pocket of her gray dress, under the yellow star.The Germans took official documents very seriously and neither confiscated them nor tore them up.Her passport was withheld for several weeks in Baden-Baden, but it was returned to her when she left for Paris.At Theresienstadt, she had to hand it in, but one day after several months she found the passport lying on her bed with Byron's photograph inside.Perhaps German intelligence had used it to duplicate spies' credentials; perhaps it had just been lying moldy in an SS drawer.Anyway, it was still in her hands.She knew this passport would not protect her.Public international law no longer existed for her, or for anyone in the car.It was, however, the only identifying document among the unfortunates; and in the eyes of the Germans, a photograph of a husband in a U.S. Navy uniform carried its weight.

Instead, Natal imagined Auschwitz as an even more terrifying Theresienstadt, larger and more strictly controlled, where instead of just one small fortress, there were gas chambers.Even there, though, there must still be work to do.The barracks there could be as bad as this wagon train, or worse, and among the general deportees, the weak, the old, the clumsy, might just die like that, but the rest would go to work.She was going to dress herself up beautifully, take out her passport, describe her experience working in the mica factory, introduce her talent in languages, flirt and flirt, and would not sacrifice her virginity if she had to, but She will live until she is rescued.These ideas, however out of touch with reality, are not pure fantasy.Her last hope, however, was an illusion that a far-sighted SS officer would come out to protect her so that she could be used as a witness in the event of Germany's defeat.What she couldn't understand was that most Germans still didn't believe they were going to lose the war.Thanks to Adolf.Hitler was confident that this crazy country would continue to work hard.

Her guess on the situation of the battle was quite accurate.Senior German officials knew they had all but lost the gamble.Little peace snoopers crawled like maggots out of the dying Nazi fish.Himmler, the head of the SS, will order an end to the use of poison gas.He was covering up his bad deeds, preparing to shirk his guilt, and systematically set about building a new image for himself.Natayu was on the last train to take the Jews to Auschwitz; it was only going out because of bureaucratic delays in reversing the original policy.However, in the eyes of the SS staff waiting for the train on the Birkenau platform, the cremator still needs to light a fire, and the special unit still needs to strengthen its vigilance, all of which are daily tasks.No one expected to rely on a pleasing American Jewish woman who could be used as a talisman after the war.Natalie's passport can serve as a spiritual comfort, but it is just a scrap of paper. Things went from bad to worse in the car.The very sick died one by one the next day where they lay, stood or sat.On the third day, shortly after dawn, a little girl next to Natalie who had a high fever began to convulse, writhing, waving her hands, and then froze.There was nowhere to put the body, so the mother of the dead girl mourned and held the body tightly in her arms as if it were still alive.The child's face was blue, his closed eyes were sunken, and his jaw was drooping.About an hour later, the old woman with one foot on Natalie spat blood, gasped and gurgled, and collapsed on the ground in front of her wall.The Czech nurse, who was tireless and had been squeezing around in the car trying to save others, couldn't be brought back to life at this time.Another took the space in front of the wall. The old woman lay there with her short overcoat bulging.A skinny leg was stretched out, still covered in wool stockings and green garters, until Natalie pushed it under the cover of her coat, hardening her mind to think about other things in the past, trying to restrain herself. own terror.But doing so is not easy.As the train rattled and jolted eastward, the stench of manure mingled with the smell of the dead grew worse.The SS stuffed the Theresienstadt patients at the other end of the wagon, where about fifteen people had died.The deported people have been completely numb, and they are all gasping in the suffocating stench, or staring at something blankly. The car stopped. Someone was yelling roughly outside.The bell rang.The train jerked backwards, then moved forward again, changing locomotives.it stopped.He opened the car door so that the two reeking buckets of urine could be emptied.Sunlight and fresh air poured in like a burst of music.The Czech nurse filled her bucket of water.The conductor told the SS who brought the water that there were some dead bodies, and the SS shouted: "Well, lucky them!" He drew the door and clicked it into place. When the train started again, the station passing by along the way was already Poland.place name.At this time, I heard the people in the car talking about "Auschwitz" loudly.A Polish couple next to Natalie said the car was heading all the way to Auschwitz.Auschwitz seemed to be a great magnet, attracting the train.Sometimes the line seemed to turn in a different direction, so everyone cheered up, but after a while, it always turned back towards Auschwitz-to those Viennese women who called it Auschwitz. Turn around at the place where it is here. By this time, Natalie had been sitting for seventy-two hours.Her supporting arms were frayed, and her clothes were stained with blood.She no longer feels hungry.The thirst tormented her so much that she forgot all other feelings.She had only had two glasses of water since leaving Theresienstadt.Her mouth was as dry as if she had been swallowing ashes.Czech nurses give water to those who need it more: children, the sick, the elderly, the dying.Natalie always misses the cold drinks in America, when and where she drank them: ice cream soda at the grocery store, Coca-Cola at her high school dance, cold beer at college picnics, tap water in the kitchen drinking water from the cooler in the office, drinking cold water from brown rock pools where you can see schools of fish in the Adirondacks, drinking water held between your hands in cold showers after tennis .But she had to dispel these images.They were driving her crazy. The car stopped. She looked out and saw patches of farmland and woods, a village, and a wooden church.A few SS men in gray-green uniforms passed outside, stretching their legs, smoking cigars she could smell, and chatting amiably in German.From a farmhouse not far from the railway came a man with whiskers, wearing leather boots and muddy clothes, and carrying a large bag that bulged.He took off his hat and said something to an SS officer, who sneered and gestured contemptuously to the train.After a while, the car door opened, the big bag was thrown in through the gap, and the car door closed again. "Apple! Apple!" The unbelievably happy words resounded like singing throughout the entire carriage. Who is this good-natured man, who is this mucky, bearded man: how does he know that there are Jews in this silent train, and show J'kindness to them?No one can answer these questions.The deported person stood up, his eyes sparkled, and his emaciated face showed a painful and eager expression.Some began to spread out, handing out apples to those who were outstretched to grab them.The train leaves.All of a sudden, Natalie's numb legs couldn't stand still.She had to pull the man who distributed the apples.The man glared at her, but then laughed.It turned out that he was the supervisor who built the kindergarten. "Stand still, Natalie!" He fumbled in his bag and handed her a big green apple. Natalie took the first bite of the apple juice, and her dried up saliva flowed again; the juice was so cool; it was so sweet; it sent a liveliness through her like an electric shock. the whole body.She ate the apple as slowly as she could.People around her were nibbling on apples.The aroma of the harvest season, the aroma of apples, quietly drifted away in the stale air.Natalie swallowed the chewed apple, biting delicately.She ate the heart of that apple.She chewed the bitter stalk.She licked the sweet juice that ran down her fingers and palm.Then she felt drowsy as after eating and drinking.She sat cross-legged, with one hand resting on it.With her head bent and her scraped elbow resting on the ground, she fell asleep. When she awoke, the moonlight reflected the blue-striped rectangles of the tall windows.It was warmer now than it had been when the train came out of the mountains.Throughout the stinking car, the exhausted Jews leaned against each other in their sleep, bumped and staggered.She was so stiff that she could hardly move, but she managed to get to the window to get some fresh air.The train was passing through a swampy wasteland overgrown with undergrowth.The moonlight shone on the swamp, surrounded by thick cattails and large-leaved reeds.The train enters a tall barbed wire fence, the kind that wraps around concrete columns and stretches as far as the moonlight can see, segmented with vaguely discernible watchtowers.There was a watchtower very close to the railway line, and Natalie glimpsed the silhouettes of two guards standing at machine guns under the cylinder of the searchlights that had been extinguished. A wider wasteland spread out inside the barbed wire fence.Looking ahead, Natalie saw a patch of yellowish light.The train slowed down; the wheels grew quieter and slowed down.As far as she could look, she could make out long rows of cottages in the distance.At this moment the train made a sharp turn.Some Jews woke up to the sound of the wheels turning and the groaning of the shaking car.Before the train was fully straight, Natalie could already see ahead a large, solid building with two arched entrances, into which the moonlit rails disappeared.This is obviously the end of the railway line and their destination, Auschwitz.Although she didn't see anything terrible, she couldn't help trembling all over, and felt a pang of pain in her heart. The train passed through a dark archway, into a blazing white light.The car slid past and finally stopped beside an extremely long wooden platform lit by searchlights.Some SS soldiers, some with big black dogs in their hands, stood beside the railway track.Many odd-looking people were waiting for the train there: they all had their heads shaved and wore tattered straight-striped national clothes. There were a dozen or so of them standing along the platform. The train stopped. There was a terrible commotion, with sticks beating against the walls of the wooden wagons, dogs barking, and Germans yelling, "Get out! Come out! Come out! Come out! Come out!" The Jews would not know that such a reception was indeed very unusual.The SS always likes the Jews to come quietly, so that they can be fooled all the way to the end; , and then finish the rest of the set.However, it was reported that this batch of repatriated people might not be obedient, which is why they took this unusual and severe measure. The doors are all opened.The lights dazzled the eyes of the Jews crowded inside. "Come down! Come out! Jump! Leave your luggage! No luggage! You'll get it in your barracks! Come out! Come down! Come out!" For a moment the Jews were out of sight, only a blinding white light.Some burly men in military uniforms jumped into the train, brandishing sticks and yelling: Bulge out!What are you waiting for?Move your asses!go out!Leave that luggage behind!Get out! "The Jews were pushing forward as quickly as possible, scrambling to get out of the car. Natalie was far away from the car door, squeezed into a group of people, and was pushed by the crowd all the way to the light. She walked almost without touching her feet. She Sweating out of fear, I found myself facing a blinding searchlight. God, jumping so far from the platform! Look at the bottom, children crawling all over the ground, grandma fell, pooped or fell on her back On the ground, their poor white or red underpants were exposed. Those monsters in striped clothes ran around among them, helping those who fell down. All these impressions were left in Natalie's almost numb consciousness. She didn't want to jump on a child, she was hesitating. There was no room for her feet. The thought flashed through her mind: "At least it didn't hurt Louis! "Something" slapped her hard on the shoulder, she screamed and jumped off. Her uncle's experience was different from hers. Since Ellen heard the news from Ban Ruier, she already knew her end completely.When he wrote those few sentences in the last paragraph of "A Jew's Journey", he almost regarded death as home as Socrates, but he was gassed to death on the first journey. After a three-day train journey, it was difficult for him to maintain this tranquility mood.We remember that Socrates drank hemlock juice and made a meaningful short talk to his disciples who pitied and worshiped him, and then died forever.Jastrow had no disciples, but Journey of a Jew (he hid the manuscript behind a partition in his library in Theresienstadt, and did not hope to live to see it found) One day) is also a talk for people, and it will have readers in the end; besides, Jastrow, the born writer, has left behind some of the most meaningful sentences he could have written in his lifetime.The difference is that he is still full of energy after that, and he has to complete a long journey. He and seventeen other "well-known people" crowded into two compartments at the back of the SS sleeping car.The place is too crowded.They had to take turns standing and sitting for a while, dozing off if possible.They were given stale bread and bland soup in the evening, and a cup of leftover brown tea in the morning.There was half an hour every morning when they were allowed to go to the toilet. After using it, they had to wash and disinfect it from the ceiling to the ground so that the Germans could use it.Not the most comfortable trip.Yet they were better off than their countrymen in the wagon, and they knew that. In fact, this made Jastrow feel pain instead.Because of the special care of riding in a sleeper car, his peaceful mood of resignation to fate was disturbed.Is there a glimmer of hope?The other seventeen people must have thought there was still hope.All day long, they don't talk about anything else, but they always talk about this kind of preferential treatment, which means a bright future.Those with wives and children on other trains expressed optimism even for the dependents.Yes, this train is clearly not bound for Dresden.However, no matter where it goes, the "famous people" among the deported people are always "famous people".This is the most important point! "When they reach their destination, they have to try to take care of their loved ones. Ellen.Jastrow also had common sense to think that putting them in sleeper cars might be an act of more brutal German folly, a bureaucratic oversight, or an elaborate scheme to keep certain people out of the sleeper car. The cattle cart, lest they kindle a spark of rebellion among the crowd around them.It is difficult, however, to persevere without being stirred up by the zeal that others hold in their despair.He himself longed to be able to live.When these seventeen high-ranking intellectuals argued, their words were eloquent. These people were: three elders, two rabbis, a symphony conductor, a painter, a pianist, a A newspaper publisher, three doctors, two officers wounded in battle, two half-Jewish industrialists, and the head of the deportation team, a small, sad-faced Berlin lawyer, only He never talked to the people, or even glanced at them.No one knew what he had offended his superiors about. Except for the guard standing guard outside their private room, the other Germans ignored the Jews.However great a privilege it may be to ride in an SS car, it only makes one nervous.The Jews were usually isolated from those in power like plague-stricken children.All they could smell was the food being delivered to the wagons for the SS to munch on.At night, people in the car sang light-hearted songs drunkenly and argued loudly, which sometimes sounded just scary.The proximity of this common tumult among the Teutons terrified these "famous people", because whenever the SS thought of amusing themselves, they would have a joke with these Jews. On the second night, it was very late, and several SS officers were still singing his "Horst" while spouting alcohol.Wessel's song}), and Jastrow remembered the first time he heard it in Munich in the mid-thirties.The feelings of that time came back to his mind.Although he thought the Nazis were ridiculous at that time, their song did contain some of the hidden melancholy of the Germans; even though they might be about to die at their hands now, he could still hear that in the noisy chorus. It is a simple but romantic "nostalgia for hometown"①.Suddenly, the door of the private room opened.The guard shouted: "That smelly Jew Jastrow! Go to private room No. 4!" Jastrow was terrified.The other Jews scowled and stepped out of the way.He went out, the guard trudging after him. In private room No. 4, an SS officer with gray hair and double chin was drinking with several other officers, and he was ordered to stand aside and wait.The SS officer was lecturing, comparing the Seven Years' War to World War II, pointing out some welcome parallels between Hitler and Frederick the Great.He insisted again and again that both wars showed that a small, well-disciplined state led by a great commander can resist a large but unstable alliance led by a few mediocre people.Like the Führer, Frederick also cleverly launched diplomatic offensives that were surprisingly successful; he always attacked first, and repeatedly reversed the seemingly inevitable defeat with his strong will. In the end, the sudden death of Elizabeth of Russia gave the Boiling Tere needed an opportunity, and finally signed a peace treaty in his favor.Stalin, Roosevelt and Churchill were all old and sick with unhealthy habits.If any one of them died, the alliance would also collapse overnight, said the grizzled officer.The other officers exchanged glances very moved, and nodded sensibly. He said suddenly to Jastrow: "I hear that you are a very famous American historian. You must be familiar with these things." Eighteenth-century history was not Jastrow's specialty; he had read Carlyle on Frederick. "Ah, yes! Carlyle!" said the gray-haired officer excitedly, encouraging him to continue the conversation.Ellen said that the two wars did have very similarities; Happens anytime.After he was sent out, he walked back to the room feeling only ashamed of himself.But the guard brought him a bread and sausage, which he shared with the others, and he felt better. The next morning the gray-haired officer summoned him again, and this time it was just the two of them talking to each other.It seemed that the officer was of such high rank that he did not care about anything; he told Jastrow to sit down, which was an unheard-of thing for a Jew to do before the SS.He had once taught history, the officer said, but a cunning Jew had taken his alternate teaching position and ruined his career.Smoking a strong cigar, he talked with Ellen for three hours, discussing in a pedantic manner the political structure of Europe under German rule for the next three or four centuries, believing that a German monopoly would eventually form in the world, and citing earlier general Lutak and other writers, and compared Hitler to many great figures, including Likurgus, Sauron, Muhammad, Cromwell, Darwin, etc.All Ellen had to do was listen and nod.This childish and ridiculous conversation was more or less a diversion for him, allowing him to forget about the migraine-like tormenting thoughts when he was worried about death.After he was sent out, he received another sausage bread in the private room, which he distributed among the group.He never saw the gray-haired officer again.As soon as the train enters Poland, the towns it passes through have arrows pointing to Auschwitz under the station names.At this moment, Ellen really wanted to have that kind of distraction again, even if it was listening to the songs of the rough SS soldiers, because it could kill these mentally tormenting hours.On this day, however, the Germans were silent. It wasn't until he got off the train at Birkenau station that Ellen fully understood what he hadn't thought of before.He and those "well-known people" stood in clusters beyond the searchlight, and saw the scene of people getting out of the car on the far side-the Jews jumped down in fright, some fell to the ground, and some were dazed. lingering; prisoners in striped clothes, with shaved heads, nonchalantly dumped some bodies and luggage off the bus; dead bodies were piled up in long lines on the platform; The dead bodies were thrown from the car like dolls with sawdust hearts, and then they were arranged in another row far away.Ellen searches for Natalie under the searchlight.Once or twice he seemed to see her.But more than two thousand Jews poured out of all those wagons.They huddled together on the long platform, and the men were separated from the women and children by the hooting and the banging of sticks from the Germans.Form a line of five.It is difficult to recognize one person in such a crowd of people who are shaking their heads and shaking their heads. After the first commotion of the noisy Jews rushing out of the car, the atmosphere on the station became calm and dull for a while, when Jastrow suddenly remembered that his family was caught in a group of people that night. Ragged Jewish immigrants disembark from a Polish ship anchored at Ellis Island.Now, as then, under the light of searchlights, some officials in uniforms walked around majestically, shouting orders.Unaccompanied and bewildered, these new arrivals stood there waiting for something to happen.But there were no police dogs, no machine guns, no rows of dead bodies on Ellis Island. But no, something is about to happen.At the moment, the number of living and dead bodies is being counted. It is necessary to make sure that the number of people transported here matches the number of people transported from the previous station.The SS had to pay a lump sum to Deutsche Bahn for all the Jews transported to Auschwitz, and the accounting procedures must have been meticulous.The Jewish men and women were separated, five in a row, and quietly lined up in two dark rows along the railway track.Those with shaved heads and striped clothes took advantage of this time to unload the empty trains and pile all their luggage on the platform. These things were stacked into several large piles.They looked like beggar's junk, but Jastrow could guess how much wealth was hidden in them.The Jews had desperately carried with them what was left of their life savings, and now it was hidden in unsightly piles of junk, or carried on the person of their masters.Ellen.Knowing what was coming to him, Jastrow had left his money inside the walls of Theresienstadt, along with the manuscript of A Jew's Journey.让发现它们的人一起拿去吧，但愿他们不是德国人！听了班瑞尔描绘在奥斯威辛如何搜括死人的钱财，埃伦。杰斯特罗对疯狂的屠杀已初步有了一个模糊的概念。杀人越货原是犹太人古代就遭到的危险；国社党的新发明，只不过是将其组织成为一种工业程序而已。好吧，德国人可以要他的命，但是他们没法抢走他的东西。 妇女的行列终于开始移动。这时候杰斯特罗亲眼看到班瑞尔描绘的程序了。国社党军官正把犹太妇女分成两行。一个瘦长的军官好象全凭他的手或左或右那样一挥作出最后决定。一切都在按照一种安静而刻板的官样形式进行。这时候，你只听到德国人的谈话声，警犬偶尔的吠叫声，火车头冷却时喷出蒸汽的咝咝声。 他和那些“知名人士”站在灯影中留心地看。他们分明是被免除了这一次挑选的手续。直到现在，他们的行李仍旧放在车上。也许，那些乐观者的想法是对的吧？一个党卫军军官和另一个警卫被派来管这特殊的少数几个犹太人；这两个外表很平常的年轻德国人除了他们那一身威风凛凛的制服外，并没什么其他可怕的地方。警卫长得相当矮小，戴着一副无边眼镜，端着一挺手提机关枪，尽量装出一副温和的样子。两个人对自己执行的例行公事都好象感到很沉闷。军官不说什么别的，只吩咐“知名人士”不许谈话。Ellen.杰斯特罗手遮着探照灯光，继续向站台一路望过去，想要找到娜塔丽。如果发现了她，他就决定把这条命豁出去；他要向军官指出他这个侄女，说她有美籍护照。把这句话说出口，只需要三十秒钟就够了。哪怕是挨打或者枪毙，他也不去管它。照他猜想，德国人可能要知道有关她的情形。可惜他没法把她指出来，虽然知道她就在人群中什么地方。她身体很强健，不可能在车上生病死了。她肯定不会在稀疏零落向左面走过去的那一行妇女当中。那些妇女，你可以很容易地把她们分辨出来。她可能是在密密匝匝向右面走过去的另一行妇女当中，那些妇女多数都搀着或抱着孩子。再不然，她就是在那一长列未经挑选的妇女当中。 那些向右面前进的妇女，都带着恐怖的神情，慢腾腾拖着脚步在“知名人士”旁边走过去。杰斯特罗被探照灯光照得眼睛都睁不开，她们走过时，即使娜塔丽在她们当中，他也没法辨认出来。孩子们有的拉着母亲的手，有的揪着母亲的裙子，都乖乖地走着。还有一些孩子抱在怀里，已经睡熟，因为现在已经是半夜了；一轮满月高悬在强烈灯光上面的天空中。行列在旁边走过去。这时候两个穿条纹衣服的人登上了党卫军的卧车，把受特殊照顾的犹太人的行李扔了下来。 “立正！”党卫军军官向“知名人士”喊口令。“现在你们跟着那些人走，一起去消毒。”他那口气听来很粗鲁，他向那些走过去的妇女那面作出的手势具有威力，是不容误会的。 那十七个人都愣住了，你望望我我望望你，再望望他们滚在地上的行李。 “快步走！”军官的口气更生硬了。“跟上她们！” 警卫向这些人挥了挥手提机关枪。 那位柏林律师向前一步，低声下气，哆嗦着说：“队长长官，请问阁下，您不会是闹错了吧？我们都是'知名人士'，再说——” 军官竖起了两个僵硬的手指。警卫对准了律师脸上就是一枪托子。他倒在了地下，流着血哼哼。 “把他拉起来，”军官对其他几个人说，“领着他一起走。” 这一来埃伦得到了他的答复。已经毫无疑问，他现在是去就死。他很快就要死了，可能是几分钟以内的事。体会到了这一切，他的心情是十分奇特的：恐惧，痛苦，同时悲哀中又有那么一种获得解脱的感觉。他最后看了看月亮，看了看诸如火车之类的东西，看了看那些妇女，看了看那些儿童，看了看身穿军服的德国人。一这情形是令人惊奇的，但并不是十分可怪的。他离开特莱西恩斯塔特的时候，对此早已作好准备。他帮着大家扶起了这位遣送组主任，主任的嘴已经血肉模糊，但是他那恐怖的眼光更叫人看了难受。杰斯特罗最后别过脸去瞥了一眼，看见长长的几行人仍旧在探照灯光照射着的站台上一路延伸过去，那里还在进行挑选。将来有一天，他会知道娜塔丽的遭遇吗？ 月光下，冷冽的空地里大家拖着沉重的步子，走了很长一段路；静悄悄地走着，只听见脚步在泥污的冰凌上发出的咔嚓声，孩子们渴睡中的啼哭声。一行人走到了一片草地上，修剪得很好的草在强烈的探照灯光下映出鲜绿，草地后面是一带深红色砖房，房子低矮，没有窗子，高高的方烟囱时不时冒出火花。它可能是一个面包房，也可能是一个洗衣作。剃光了头的人领着一列人走下宽阔的水泥台阶，沿着昏暗的过道进入一间被光溜溜的电灯照得灿亮的空房间，那样子很象是一间海滨浴室，里面摆着一些长凳，沿墙上一溜和房中央柱子四周都是挂衣服的钩子。面对着进口的那根柱子上是一个用好几种文字写的牌子，最上面写的是意第绪文：在此脱衣洗澡消毒将衣服折叠整齐记住你放衣服的地方使人感到窘促的是，男男女女必须在同一个地方脱衣服。穿条纹衣服的囚犯把少数几个“知名人士”领到一个角落里，这时候埃伦吃了一惊，只见这些因犯都去帮着妇女和孩子脱衣服，一面不住地道歉。他们说，这是营里的规矩。不能为这种事多费时间。现在重要的是：必须抢快，要叠好衣服，服从命令。不一会儿，埃伦。杰斯特罗已经脱光了衣服，坐在一张粗木头长凳上，赤脚踏着冰冷的水泥地，嘴里喃喃念着圣诗。按说，人们不可以赤着脚祈祷，或者光着头宣神的名号，但这是非常时刻，对戒律是可以通权达变的。他看见一些年轻妇女，长得很动人，她们袒裸着的丰润的肌肤在灿烂的灯光下显得那么娇艳，好象鲁本斯画的裸体女人。当然，多数妇女的体形已经变得很难看：有的骨瘦如柴，有的皮肤松垮，胸部和肚子都搭拉下来。孩子们看上去都象褪了毛的鸡一样。 第二批妇女拥进了更衣室，后面跟着更多的男人。埃伦看不真娜塔丽是不是在那些人当中，人群是那么混乱。一些光着身体的妇女和她们穿着衣服的丈夫没想到会这样暂时团聚：一认出了对方，他们就发出欢呼，彼此拥抱，父亲紧搂住了他们赤膊的孩子。但是那些剃光头的人立刻拆散了他们。以后时间多着啦！这会儿大伙得赶紧脱衣眼。 不一会儿，只听见德国人在外面厉声发出命令：“立正！只放男人！两个一排，洗淋浴去！” 穿条纹衣服的犯人把男人们领出了更衣室。这一群赤条条的男人挨挨蹭蹭挤了过去，蓬蓬的阴毛里露出了晃荡着的生殖器，那副情景很象是在一间澡堂里，所不同的是：他们当中还有那些穿着条纹衣服、剃光了脑袋的人，还有一大群裸体的妇女和小孩，看着他们走出去，一面亲切地呼唤他们。有的妇女嚎陶大哭。有的妇女，埃伦可以看'出，手紧捂住嘴，那一定是憋着不让自己哭出声来。她们也许害怕挨打，也许不愿惊吓孩子。 过道里很冷；带着武器、沿墙壁排列着的党卫军不觉得，但是脱光了衣服的埃伦和那些跟他一起走过去的男人肯定觉得冷。他心中一直很明白，留心看这个骗局越来越真相毕露。几个犹太人洗淋浴，凭什么要这么一队手持武器、足登皮靴、穿着军装的人来照看他们？这些党卫军都和普通德国人的长相一样，多数都是年轻人，很象星期日可以看到陪着女友在选帝侯大道散步的那些年轻人，但是这时候他们都恶狠狠地蹙起眉头，好象一些警察在监视着捣乱的人群，防止他们发生暴动。然而，这些赤身裸体的犹太人无论青年人还是老年人，根本没有谁会捣乱。走过去这么几步路，更不会发生暴动。 他们被领进了一间狭长的房间，水泥浇的地板和墙壁冷冰冰的，房间大得几乎可以当作一个戏院，只是那个上面装有几百只莲蓬头的天花板太低了，而那一排排的柱子也会妨碍人的视线。墙壁和柱子——柱子有的是实心混凝土的，有的是铁板上钻了洞孔的——上面都装有肥皂架子，摆着一块块黄肥皂。这间房里，天花板上那些无罩的电灯也亮得几乎令人无法忍受。 Ellen.杰斯特罗的脑海里只留下以上这些印象，他在一切置之度外、委请命运的同时，哺哺地念着希伯来圣诗，到后来，身上感到非常难受，他再也无法勉强保持着虔信神道的宁静心情了。穿条纹衣服的囚犯继续把这些男人往里边推。 “空出些地方来！空出些地方来！男人都朝里边去！一他止不住地被紧挤在那些比他高大的人粘腻冷湿的皮肤上，这种感觉对一个最爱清洁的人是难堪的；他可以觉出他们软绵绵的生殖器在他身上紧蹭着。这时候妇女们也进来了，虽然埃伦只能听出她们的声音。他一眼看过去，尽是那些紧向他四周挤过来的赤裸的身体。有的孩于大声哭喊，有的妇女啜泣，从远处德国人的口令声中偶尔可以听到几声绝望的惨号。此外还听见许多妇女的声音：有的在哄她们的孩子，有的在招呼她们的丈夫。 这群人越挤越紧，杰斯特罗惊慌起来了。他没法克制自己了。他平时一向害怕拥挤的人群，害怕被他们踩死或闷死。他完全没法动弹，没法看见，几乎没法呼吸了，只闻到体育室内的那种臭气，从四面被裸体的陌生人夹在当中，紧挤向一根有孔洞的冰冷的铁柱子跟前，恰巧站在一盏电灯底下，一个人的胳膊肘紧抵在他下巴底下，猛地把他的头向上掀起，那灯光就直照射在他脸上。 灯光突然熄灭。整个室内陷入一片黑暗。从房间远处，听见沉重的门砰地关闭，接着就是铁插销转动和扭紧时尖锐的吱吱声。在极宽大的房间里，响起了一片悲号声。在悲号声中，只听见恐怖的尖厉的惨叫：“毒气！毒气！毒死我们啦！哦，神大发慈悲吧！毒气！” 埃伦闻到了那股气味，强烈的、强烈得令人窒息的气味，象是消毒药剂，但远比那气味厉害。它是从那根铁柱子里放出来的。第一股喷射出来的气味火辣辣的，象烧红了的剑直刺进他肺里，震撼他的全身，痛得他浑身直抽搐。他拚命从柱子跟前往旁边躲，但是没有用。黑暗中是一片只听见惨号声的混乱与恐怖。他急喘着气，说出了临死前的仟悔，或者讲得更恰当些，是试图说出他的忏悔，因为肺里正在充血，嘴里粘膜肿胀，痛得透不过气来：“主是神。应当称颂他的名，直到永远永远。听啊，以色列，主宰我们的神是唯一的神。”他倒在水泥地上。折腾翻滚着的人体压到他身上，因为成年人中他是第一批倒下去的。他仰面跌倒，头沉重地磕在地板上。那些精赤的肉体就紧压着他的脸和整个身子，使他无法扭折身体。他不动了。他不是被毒气熏死的。很少毒气侵入他的身体。他几乎是立刻断了气，他是在那些垂死的犹太人的重压下闷死的。就管这叫福气吧，因为毒气需要很长的时间才能把人熏死。德国人为这道工序规定的时间是半个小时。 后来，穿条纹衣服的人拉开了那一堆纠缠纽结在一起的死尸，清除那黑压压一片僵硬裸露的人体，这时候才发现了他，他的一张脸不象其他人歪曲得那么厉害，但是在几千具尸体中，谁也没注意到这个又老又瘦的死人。杰斯特罗被一个带橡皮手套的特别分队队员拖到停尸室里一张桌子跟前，在那里用钳子拔了他所有的金牙，给丢在一个桶里。在整个停尸室内，大规模地进行着这一道工序，同时还要搜检死人的下体，剪去妇女的头发。后来，他被放在一个起重机上，机器象在装配线上运转着那样把尸首提升至一间热气腾腾的房间里，那里有一大群特别分队队员正在一排炉于前面紧张地工作。他的尸首被放在一个铁托架上，他上面再叠起两具童尸，因为他的身体很小，然后他们被一起送进了焚尸炉。有玻璃窥视孔的铁门砰地关上了。尸体很快地胀大，开始爆裂，火焰象燃煤似的烧着残骸。第二天，他的骨灰才被一辆满载死人的灰烬骨碴的大卡车运到维斯杜拉河畔，沉在河里了。 于是，埃伦·杰斯特罗溶解了的灰粒就～路漂浮着，流过他童年时代在那里游戏的梅德捷斯河岸，漂过整个波兰，经华沙流人波罗的海。他在走向焚尸炉的途中吞下的那几颗钻石可能已被烧毁，因为钻石是会燃烧的。也可能它们是沉在维斯杜拉河河底了。它们都是最好的钻石，是他收藏着准备救急用的，他也曾打算在火车上偷偷地把它们交给娜塔丽。由于他们突然被分开了，他没能够这样做，但是，德国人也始终没能够把它们弄到手。