Chapter 41 second quarter
The alarm is off.
In mid-June, Liu Kai received a letter written by Ma Kuo from Hejian Mansion.At that time, Ma Kuo had already followed Xuan Fusi to Hejian Mansion.In the letter, he told Liu Kai in detail about the defeat in the war and his own experience.The tone of the letter is high-spirited. Although the current battle situation is at the most difficult stage, many people think that the defeat is a foregone conclusion, and they are disheartened. Among the generals of Jiuli's army, there are also many people who think that the war has no future.But Ma Kuo still did not lose confidence, and still insisted on his own view, believing that victory will come after passing this stage.He cited what he had seen and heard in Liao as his own argument, and told Liu Kai that he planned to start doing those tasks at present, hoping to get Liu Kai's spiritual support and practical help.
He also wrote two lines of Liu Ci, expressing his determination to contribute everything to the war.
But out of the same considerations, he was afraid of the consequences that the news of the defeat might have on Zhao Long (how impressed he was by the hemoptysis he witnessed), so he asked Liu Qi to conceal the letter and let them alone See his letter from home attached inside.
When Erniang heard that her husband had sent her a letter, her hands trembled like the leaves of a sycamore tree in the autumn wind.It took her great effort to open it and read it.The content of the family letter is very simple. It only said that the war is still on the front line between Xiong and Ba, and that his father and son are safe. He also asked his pen to greet Zhao Long and Liu Kai and his wife.
However, on the attached note, he wrote two fragments of "Butterfly Love Flower" in messy and scribbled handwriting: "When the belt gets wider and wider, I will never regret it, and I will make people haggard because of Yixiao!" Now that these two sentences are clearly written for her personally, why else should I attach a note besides the official family letter?
This was the first time that Qiniang read his letter, saw the note he wrote to her, and heard his heartfelt feelings to her.Not even in the period since their newly married life had she heard him say anything so emotionally charged.His sensitive world, which had always been closed to her, was finally slowly opening to her, which was an unexpected gain.For this, she would like to thank the person who first invented letter writing, thank the person who made paper and pen and ink for them, and thank the postman in the army who brought this note, and she even thanked this scene even though it separated them. Two places, but the war that finally squeezed out his heart, she knew how difficult it was for him to squeeze out these two words!
Of course, she is most grateful to him himself.
She savored the taste of these two broken words word by word, as if she was chewing fourteen remonstrance fruits, each of which was soaked with his affection, pouring a wisp of sweetness into her heart.
She couldn't remember how the remaining half day after receiving the letter from home passed.
When she went to bed at night, with the help of an oil lamp, she took out the note again and read it.In order to look at his messy handwriting again, to verify that it is indeed his own handwriting.She only saw his handwriting when she was a child. At that time, his handwriting was neat, full of pen and ink, and meticulous, which was very different from what she saw now.But the last point of the character "kuan" is so thick and powerful, and the last line of the character "haggard" is so long that it is one or two points longer than the line next to the vertical heart. His distinctive handwriting, she was used to it by then.She pondered it over and over, assuming many reasons for denying it, and still more for confirming it, until there was no room for doubt.Then study it carefully, as if to find out his face that is about to come out from every vertical, horizontal, dot, and tick, and hear his voice calling her.Finally, she carefully folded the note, laid it flat, and pressed it under the pillow, ready to blow out the lamp and fall asleep.Suddenly she changed her mind again, the lamp was not extinguished, and the note that had been pressed under the pillow was pulled out to read again.Joy, gratitude, worry, anxiety and other emotions gradually condensed in her heart again, they were like a pot of rice paste simmering slowly on the crumbling oil lamp.It was finally boiled, tumbling restlessly in the pot.
This is indeed a note written by him, but why is it written in such a mess?Is it because the army is in a hurry and there is not enough time to write it calmly?No, the handwriting of that letter is still very correct.Maybe this note is about to go to the battlefield, he has put on his armor, is riding on a horse, picked up a pen in a hurry, leaned over and swiped it, anyway, a note written in such scribbled handwriting is unusual , he has always done everything in a calm and orderly manner.
Judging from the handwriting, especially from the assumption that he wrote this note in a hurry, he is indeed haggard and thin. The mother can see him not only literally, but also through the back of the paper in her imagination. face and expression.
But Qiniang understands the content of these two words better, she knows that for "Yi", he will go all out to lose weight and haggard.She recalled that time—it was the happiest and most memorable time in her life, when he taught her to read so seriously.One day, when he recited "Chu Ci", the sonorous and passionate tone seemed to be still in his ears.What he read is:
When he finished reading, he explained it to her.In fact, it was neither the first recitation nor the first explanation of these two lines of "Chu Ci" that he loved so much. She had already understood them and was familiar with them. "You still have to explain?" she thought, but she still listened to him very seriously, hoping to hear what he had to add.
Sure enough, after he finished this passage, he asked her in a serious manner:
"Little foal! What did you do to suffer? Do you regret it?"
"And you?"
"A man acts like a man," he replied decisively, as if he was an adult, "it's like a galloping horse galloping, how can you regret a momentary gain or loss!"
"A husband doesn't regret it, but is it true that the daughter's family has suffered a little loss and will regret it?"
"It takes a girl who is strong and strong to not look back!" He smiled softly, "A girl who cuts her hand with a knife and cries out with only a small amount of blood, could it be that..."
Before he could finish the sentence, she got angry and cut it off:
"Could it be... What? I don't regret it, I'll wear that knife tomorrow, just watch!"
The past ten years ago suddenly poured into her heart, and the treasured sword her father took from the Hexi family's battlefield was still shining brightly in her memory.She knew that her husband was a man without remorse, and when he did what he thought he should do, he would never regret it, and she believed in it from that moment on.
But which "Yi" can make him lose weight and haggard, and die without regret?
Suddenly she trembled.
Could she be as sure that this Yi was her as she could be sure that the note was indeed from him?No, the answer is definitely a "no".She understood him so deeply, it wasn't her that held the most important position in his heart, but that war.Only that war is the "Yi" in his heart, and he is willing to die for "Yi" without regret.These two sentences clearly show that he was, is and will be willing to pay the price of war with his life without regret as written in the letter.
Does she envy it?For it to take away her place in his heart, which she should have had.No!She is not jealous.Not hesitating to sacrifice the lives of their loved ones for the war, this is the traditional concept of their two families, as well as the families of many soldiers in the Western Army, and she has long been used to this idea.At the same time, she also understands that only those who know how to dedicate their lives to their cause can understand her dedication and love.She doesn't envy war, she only hopes that he can give her half of the war, and she is satisfied.
She dare not have greater expectations, as long as she is a part of "Yi", even if it is only a small part, she will be satisfied.But no matter what, he was indeed emaciated and haggard. The protracted war, the longing for victory, and maybe the nostalgia for her greatly consumed his physical strength and devoured his life.She couldn't help being anxious and worried about this, and with abnormal excitement, she fell asleep restlessly.
He quickly appeared in her dream.He was not at all what he had been, but had a beard, ragged clothes, and a haggard complexion.Stand face to face with her across a ditch.She waved to him, shouted to him, begged him to help her.He showed a bleak smile, and with great effort, he bent down and stretched out his hands to her, and she also stretched her arms trying to catch his hand.But just a little bit, she couldn't touch him, so she rushed over desperately...
She woke up from the dream very dejectedly, still carrying the fear of falling into the abyss because of rushing over.At this time, the residual lamp had not been extinguished, and was chirping, making the last struggle before it was about to go out.The lamp oil will be dry.The note was also spread out on the pillow mat, crumpled by her cheeks, and wet with tears, and she didn't know when she shed tears.She hastily folded the note, tried to be quiet, lay still next to her body, hoping to flatten it with the weight of her cheeks and simmer it dry with the heat of her cheeks, a note more precious than life .She entered the dream again, but the original coherence was lost, only some scattered fragments danced in her unbalanced consciousness.She didn't have time to catch them, they were like moths, one by one they jumped into the flame of consciousness and burned.Intermittent dreams broke the complete night into countless fragments.
When she awoke for the last time, the lights were completely out.She believed that she was really awake this time, her mind was particularly clear, but in the darkness, in her closed eyes, there were still countless halos of light that changed at any time.They condense into a rectangle for a while, a rhomboid for a while, a rhomboid for a while, and various more complicated and indescribable shapes.Among the various forms, there are dancing light spots that are as transparent as crystals and glow like jewels.In the center of that halo, a thin, haggard, bearded him still appeared from time to time.He has already retracted the hand that was stretched out to her, threw the pen to write a note to her, settled on the barrel of the gun that she wrapped him in colorful silk, stepped on the white horse, and rushed into the battlefield in a hurry.
Early the next morning, she washed it in a hurry and came to Mrs. Liu Qi with a note.
Mrs. Liu Qi had just gotten up, and the room hadn't been cleaned yet.The sun came in through the east-facing windows, and warblers outside the windows were singing wildly on the branches.Mrs. Liu Kai was wearing a gauze shirt with a collar, her hands were clutching her loose braids, and she was wearing crested sandals. She was sitting on the edge of the bed in a daze.When she saw that Qiniang had come so early, she assumed that something had happened, and she couldn't help panicking.
"Sister. I had a dream last night."
Erniang didn't know that not only in Tokyo, but also in other places, talking about dreams early in the morning is the most taboo thing among boudoirs.Like a guest from another world, she didn't understand these taboos at all.Seeing her frightened look, Mrs. Liu Qi also forgot this taboo, and hurriedly asked:
"What did the girl dream about? I think she dreamed that her brother was coming."
It was only after she asked this question that she remembered this taboo—girlfriends who talk about dreams early in the morning will have an unlucky morning.She spat lightly and gently wiped it off the floor with her crested sandals, averting their misfortune, and doing her part.
"My sister dreamed of him." This female companion who seemed to come from another world didn't care about it at all. She forgot what her sister asked her to do as soon as she opened her mouth. What happened to him."
"Sister, you are thinking wildly again! Here is the letter of safety written by him, what are you afraid of?" Mrs. Liu Qi also forgot what she asked her to do, and she said decisively, "The appearance in the dream is My sister came up with it on her own, how can she be sure?"
"It's not the image in the dream," Qiniang spread her palm, showing her the note that she didn't even see when she read the family letter yesterday, "Sister, read this!"
Mrs. Liu Kai didn't close her hands, so Niang sat on the edge of the bed, spread out the note, and read to her word by word.
"Those are two lines of Liu Ci," Mrs. Liu Kai knew the origin of it as soon as she heard her start to read it.With her hair in a bun, she said with a smile, "Brother wrote these two sentences casually, how can you be so haggard? Sister, don't take it seriously."
"My sister knows him, that's true, that's true..." A sob that not only Miss Liu Kai, but also Erniang herself was not expecting blocked her own words.
Saw such seriousness.Mrs. Liu Kai hastily put down her untied bun, letting her thick black hair drape over her shoulders, back, and Qianhong gauze shirt.She freed up her free hands and held her mother tightly, and then wiped away a teardrop that was falling with the cheek that was close to her.Er Niang obediently let her snuggle, rub, and hold her. This time and space belonged to them again.
After a while, Mrs. Liu Kai suggested:
"Why don't you write a letter back to your brother? Your brother wrote a letter and is waiting for a courier to deliver it. Last night, he asked my sister if she had written her letter."
This is a suggestion with practical value. Although Erniang has been thinking about it all night, she never thought of it. It brought Erniang back to the real world.
So they discussed how to write a reply.
In fact, you can write whatever you want. Qiniang never thought of writing a reply letter, and now having a line of writing is better than nothing.But after careful scrutiny, no matter how she writes, no words can express her feelings truthfully.What complicated feelings she had to confess to him!What's more, she was raised in the army, and Ma Kuo taught her to read a little.In addition, I have never received any education, let alone training in writing.Thanks to Mrs. Liu Qi's help, she managed to write this letter.
After writing the letter, Niang was still not satisfied, and Mrs. Liu Kai guessed that she must also want to write two sentences as a reply.Mrs. Liu Qi easily helped her fulfill this wish, which was fourteen words that summed up her nightly toss.Yan Niang handled it accordingly, and wrote it on another piece of paper, and attached it in the envelope.Those fourteen characters are:
Notes:
Notes: