Chapter 93 second quarter

However, Chang'an is not a paradise. If it is insisted that it is, it is only a paradise for princes and generals. I could only hide from one side and peek. Wan Zhang is a very loyal person. I believe he will do everything possible to fulfill his mission of taking care of me because of Zhang Hou's entrustment.But I found that he was always more polite than affectionate to me.Am I so untrustworthy?Maybe there are other reasons.Wan Zhang made a living by fighting cocks, and occasionally did burial and grave digging, but people like them valued all kinds of hypocritical morals more than the imperial scholar-bureaucrats.In judging right and wrong, when he hears the story of a fight between an official and a rogue, he does not side with the rogue because he is a rogue, he knows his place.Perhaps it is precisely because of this that a noble official like Zhang Hou will feel sorry for him.He probably heard that rumors had spread that I had denounced my mother in order to protect myself.What happened in the distant Xiaqiu County can spread in Chang'an so quickly.And it is aimed at a person as small as dust like me, probably only a person like Wang Wengji can do it.

For Le Ying, I have always been full of guilt.Maybe my soul is really dirty, and I don't deserve to live in a big man with high morals.I can't say how much I like Leying, and I certainly can't say I hate it.Having sex with her is a kind of enjoyment, but without it, I won't be so haunted.Perhaps the reason why I have always been hypocritical about Le Ying's affection for me is that her father is a well-known villager, and the money he has can satisfy my dream of going to Chang'an to seek an official. My desire to be an official is indeed greater than my desire to be a woman.This cannot be blamed on me. In the great Han world, if a person wants to realize his dream of being famous in history, what else can he do besides being an official, other than being a big enough official?

What's more, my poor mother gave me the last help with her blood. I have lived in Wanzhang's house for nearly a year, during which time I discovered some subtle things. Wanxin fell in love with me. Before I met Yisu, I had always had an illusion about myself. I thought that the reason why I couldn't make up my mind to accept Wanxin was that I couldn't benefit from this marriage.It is true that Wan Zhang's family property is far richer than Le Ying's father, Le Wannian.But now I am no longer the unreliable Chen Tang when I was in Xiaqiu County.I dream of marrying a powerful man, like Fan Mingyou, the Duliao general during Emperor Zhao's time, who rose to prosperity immediately after marrying the great general Huo Guang.

After meeting Yisu, I realized that I was far from being so snobbish and despicable.Although later I knew that Yisu was the daughter of King Kangju, but at the Kangju market, she was just dressed like an ordinary Kangju woman.I was overwhelmed by her amazing beauty. At that time, I said to myself, it's over, Chen Tang, you can't be a hero at all. Then the reason is clear, I don't really like Wanxin, just like I don't really like Leying either. I know that Wan Xin is sad because she is not a bold and enthusiastic woman like Le Ying, she will not take the initiative to throw herself into my arms, but I can feel her longing.Sitting in the room, I seemed to be able to feel her eyes staring blankly at me from behind at any time.She is as ubiquitous as the great Eastern Emperor Taiyi.

In the end she died trying to save me, and I regret it. That spring afternoon, Zhang Hou finally brought me good news.When I rescued him at the Jingyan Pavilion in Jingxing, I never thought that he was the famous Fuping Hou Zhang Bo. My bravery undoubtedly impressed him. However, about the next few things, it was like a nightmare to me, and there was nothing to mention.I was recommended by Zhang Hou as a scholar, and then because I was reluctant to give up my official position and go to my hometown to go to the funeral, I was accused of being unfilial and deprived of my position.It's not that I don't want to go back, it's just that I don't want to go back humbly.Before my father died, I didn't see my father, let alone let my father see me dragging my fortune. Is the pain in my heart understandable by those who accused me of being unfilial?

Although I was rescued by Chen Sui in the end, I was still wasting my time by hiding in his house as a doorman day after day. In my spare time, I would stare blankly at the remains left by my mother. It was an exquisite lacquer box with black and red patterns on it that were still as bright as when my mother was alive. O mother's face!Sometimes I would open the lacquer box and take out the silk book inside to have a look.It was written by my mother herself, the last words to me.The ink is dim, and each stroke is full of the sorrow of life: Tang'er: As a mother and child, there will be a time of separation. Now I will be far away, so I hate it.The sun and the moon are lovely, but people cannot have them for long.Since I was born in the Chen family, all my sustenance has been placed on you.Although your father is poor and humble, he loves you very much, and you should not be ignored.I taught you to read since I was a child, and I hope you will become an adult. I don't know whether it is suitable or not.Since this is the case, An De regrets.You must want to raise He high, your talents and wisdom are enough, but you are lacking in time.The imperial capital of Chang'an, you can do it all at once.That is to say, if your ambition is achieved, be careful not to forget to tell me with a glass of wine in front of the grave.If a mother wants to make her son good, she can kill herself without grief.Xinchou in September of the first year of Ganlu.

One day, I wiped my tears, folded the silk books, and closed the lacquer box.I made up my mind to bid farewell to Chen Sui and go to the Western Regions to find new opportunities.

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