Chapter 20 Chapter Sixteen Beating the Top Ten

I haven't enjoyed the sweetness of newlyweds for a long time, and I hurried back to my life of fighting around. At that time, I was in a bad mood. When I played in Doha in February, I met a top ten player in the world.Just like when I met Serena Williams at the Australian Open, I played three sets and completely lost the match.I was crushed to death by my opponent, and there was absolutely no chance of reversal. After returning to the rest room, I took a shower alone, crying uncontrollably while washing. Since I was 11 years old, I have always heard the coach shouting at me behind my back: "Stupid!" "Are you a pig?" Any mistake of mine may lead to greater humiliation.To this day, I don’t need people to yell at me anymore—I’ve internalized the coach’s anger, rage, into my head.

I don't need a coach to humiliate me, I'm going into a pathological, uncontrollable self-shaming process myself. When I am restrained by my opponent, I can easily fall into a state of rage, anger, anxiety, and emotional agitation.After a loss I want to bang my head on the door of the dugout room.I felt like a lion caught in a trap, madly rushing towards the sky, only to sink deeper and deeper.I hated everything that happened in my life, and the constant defeat and pain added to the bad mood.I cursed myself over and over again while crying bitterly. Why is all this happening to me?

At that time, I hadn't won a top ten in the world, and the haze of "bombarding the national team mechanism" hadn't passed, and there were new opinions about me from the outside world. Some people said that I "lost as soon as I hit the top ten", and There are many other depressing and ugly words, just to name a few. When I maintained a relatively good record, I could control myself to fight against these negative emotions, but this loss made me fall into a deep disappointment with myself.The negative emotions accumulated over time have completely exploded at this moment.After the tour in Doha, I suddenly felt that all my struggles were meaningless, I was going in the wrong direction, sad and ridiculed, how funny, I don't deserve to play tennis!I was born a loser!

During the whole process of taking a shower in the locker room, I was crying so hard that I was shaking all over, and those very negative thoughts were always circling in my mind: You see, what others said is right, you will lose if you fight against the top ten players, so What's the point of practicing hard? At that time, Jiang Shan was still studying at Huazhong University of Science and Technology, and I was alone wherever I went, accompanied by coaches and team leaders at most.In this out-of-control mood, I can only send a message to Jiang Shan to vent the pressure: "It seems that what they said is right, I really can't win the top ten. I will always be a second-rate player, and dog meat will not be a feast."

Jiang Shan replied to me: "Actually, you have done a good job, don't put too much pressure on yourself, don't be too harsh on yourself." He returned me many words of encouragement one after another, telling me to restrain myself and calm down. But it was hard. I felt that my dignity had been broken into pieces like a broken porcelain vase. While sharply satirizing my failure in the newspapers, they did not forget to mention the previous "bombardment" incident. It feels like stepping on the fragments of the porcelain bottle step by step with your bare feet. Jiang Shan is thousands of miles away, and the people around you stand by and watch your pain. Who made you attack the system?In this way, I became a national sinner.From then on, I felt my hands were cold when I read newspapers. I never read other people's comments on me online, let alone read newspapers.

During that time, Jiang Shan was very busy. He had to deal with his studies and help me with my psychological construction at the same time. When I was in a bad mood, he would explain a lot to me.I don't fully believe in these truths, but I listened patiently. Except for my father, no one has treated me so well. He is the only one who treats me sincerely regardless of rewards or costs. I used to be a person who cared very much about what other people said about me. Negative comments from others can keep me from being emotionally depressed for a long time.I don't know why they did that to me, I haven't done anything bad in my life, why should I?

Jiang Shan gradually changed my mind. He taught me to protect myself and to be cautious in my words and deeds.He told me: We can't change anyone's mind.The only one we can change is ourselves. Slowly, I began to learn a little bit, to know how to protect myself and control my emotions.It will still hurt, but I know he will always have my back. I don't have my own coach in the national team.Everyone is one-pot, and the tradition of our Chinese is "one-pot". Everyone is careful to make themselves like most people. Once they exceed the boundary established by the public, they will immediately attract criticism from others.Many people are living with the lifestyle taught by their coaches, living with the lifestyle of their parents, but they dare not live with their own lifestyle.And I, like an artifact in a mould, struggled to carve my own way.Therefore, it often makes everyone feel strange: why are you so special?Why are you so special?

I'm not special, I just want to live with my inner voice. I hardly ever live a day for myself in my life.As a child, I followed my dad's wishes and became a professional tennis player.After my father passed away, I couldn't disobey his last wish.I worked hard to earn money, because it would allow my mother to live a good life. I became the national champion in 1997, and since then I have become more disciplined and live according to everyone's ideal of "what a champion should look like". I am no longer lacking materially, but I am very unhappy inside, and the "Li Na" deep in my heart is very unhappy.

During the two years of recuperating from college, I could arrange my life as I wanted for the first time, but soon, I was back on this track.I also want to be an obedient and honest child, and most of the time, I do. It's just that "Li Na" is very uncomfortable. She is always waiting for an opportunity to get me into trouble. With the national team, I felt marginalized.There is only one head coach for the whole team, so many athletes need him to manage, it is impossible for him to devote a lot of energy to my training.No one to help me make targeted corrections, which makes me feel disoriented.I need a team that I can rely on. Most foreign athletes have their own teams. Someone helps them correct every flaw, provides targeted and quantitative physical training according to their physical condition, and even a psychologist helps them with psychological construction.In contrast, if our domestic players want to make some achievements, they basically have to rely on their own understanding. In addition, there is still a big gap between the overall level of the country and European and American countries. The players have no contact with first-class opponents. Without experience and confidence, it is obviously not feasible to work behind closed doors.

The competition between top players is, to a large extent, also a competition of mentality. Those who win the hearts of the people win the world. This sentence also makes sense on the court. The only person around me who can help me is Jiang Shan, and he is still in Wuhan.There are still hundreds of thousands of miles between us. The national team once hired coach Thomas to come to China as a guide in my name, but in fact, he is responsible for the performance of all the players and has no time to do special counseling for me.While I have to rely on millet and rifles to compete with well-equipped first-class foreign players, I am constantly enduring the sneering words of "I can't play in the top ten".I don't know how I can relax.

Fortunately, there is Jiang Shan. I feel very lucky to have met Jiang Shan.The two of us are one, and I wouldn't be who I am without him.Many people around me asked me: Why do you listen to Jiang Shan so much?When buying clothes, I felt uneasy when anyone gave advice. Only when Jiang Shan nodded and said "good-looking", did I feel: Well, this dress really looks good. This is a long-standing habit.I rely on him very much because he gives me enough sense of security.In my heart, he represents rationality and a strong will. With him by my side, I feel that I have not fallen to the bottom, and I still have a chance to turn around. In order for my game to go smoothly, Jiang Shan had to try his best to spend more time with me. He was like a non-staff coach of the national team, tirelessly persuading me by phone and the Internet.As long as the conditions allow, he will watch my game as much as possible, and then make some reasonable suggestions for me. With his help, I got a little better. On May 7, 2006, I reached the final of Estoril for the second consecutive year, and joined forces with my teammate Zheng Jie. This was the first Chinese derby in the WTA finals. Zheng Jie's husband is also an insider in the tennis circle. After the system was loosened, Zheng Jie also chose her husband as a coach.I am also very happy to meet my teammates in the final, which means that the overall level of our country has improved.Unfortunately, my shoulder injury recurred before the game, and I had to abstain in the final set. I was runner-up for two consecutive years. Tennis is considered a relatively safe sport in sports, but professional players will inevitably be injured, and athletes are basically bruised.Even the best athletes are helpless in the face of pain. Seriously, my shoulder injury is not serious, but the knee injury is fatal. But compared to the physical pain and mental burden, it seems insignificant again.More than once in my career, I've seen great players get knocked down by their own injuries.The enemy on the other side of the court is easy to defeat, but the enemy deep in our hearts is the truly terrifying demon. When we try to move towards a higher level, the first thing we must defeat is the opponent in our own heart, our own demon. Under the guidance of Jiang Shan, I gradually explored some ways to control my emotions.I am getting more and more familiar with my inner demon. Most of the time, I can fight with it for a few rounds, or live in peace. When you feel better, your luck will also improve.I finally beat a top 10 player in the world in my career.That is Schneider, known as the "Swiss Elf".Schneider is 3 years and 3 months older than me, petite with a baby face.The Chinese call her "Little Dragon Girl" because she has a traditional Chinese character "dragon" tattooed on her right shoulder.Federer used to caddy for her when he was a teenager.Like Hingis, she is from Switzerland, and she stood out for her superb skills in her teenage years. We met at the German Open in mid-May 2006.The German Open is a game played on red soil, with a total prize money of more than 1 million.I met Schneider in the eight-to-four competition. She is a very intelligent player. She hits the left hand, pulls the forehand, and slices the backhand. She plays very well on clay. Her best results are also achieved on clay courts. .Many world masters, including Hingis, Capriati, Davenport, Williams and Heinin, have been defeated by her. At this time, I was troubled by comments from outsiders. Many people (mostly journalists) said that I "just can't make it to the top ten in the world". , Instead, people pointed and commented.For a while, I almost believed this statement myself, so when I encountered Schneider, I was not very confident. Schneider was ranked No. 9 in the world at the time. She was left-handed, and the placement of each shot was unpredictable. I was mobilized by her and ran almost every position on the court.Just lost the first set. Under such circumstances, I am naturally very depressed. Do I have to listen to the curse of "I just can't beat the top ten in the world" again? At that time, my mind suddenly went blank. It was hard to tell whether it was relief or anger. I stopped paying attention to other details and just fought hard.In the end I won the game.I went forward to shake hands with Schneider and the chief referee, then turned around and waved to the audience. At that moment, I felt magnificent: I did it!I can beat the top ten players! A hurdle that has been lying in front of me for so long has finally passed.The suffocation that had been in my chest for a long time was swept away, and the curse of "not being in the top ten" did not work on me.