Chapter 18 Chapter Fourteen

After the US Open, I returned home to prepare for the National Games.During this time, an unexpected thing happened.The trouble and hurt this incident has brought to me is far beyond my imagination.The inexplicable grievances, the anger of being misunderstood, the sleepless nights swallowed by regret and pain.During that time, I felt that I was the fish on the chopping board, opening my mouth weakly, but unable to make any sound. "In October 2005, Li Na, who played in the National Games as the defending champion, was completely defeated by teammate Peng Shuai of the national team in the women's singles semi-final. Publicly criticize Li Na and say that Li Na will never represent China in the Beijing Olympics."

I have read this report countless times, but every time I see it, I feel the same: I feel like my blood is about to freeze. How could this be? I know that I'm a straight person, I don't keep my mouth open, I say what I think in my heart, and my emotions come and go quickly.If this kind of personality is someone you like, you can say it is "outspoken"; if it is someone you don't like, you can say it is "nearhearted".I am such a blunt and heartless person.For me, hiding my emotions is the most difficult task, which is why in the early years I often crashed in competitions and had good and bad results in major competitions.

I was very depressed when I lost the game. The reporter asked me how I felt about training in the national team, and I told the truth: "I think the national team's various measures are not perfect, and there is no systematic training for individual players." It is indeed the inadequacies I experienced in training, I just said it truthfully, these words suddenly became so ambiguous, so suggestive and explosive after they appeared in the newspaper. "Bombardment" and "Great Earthquake".I'm just a little girl playing ball, neither Superman nor King Kong, how can I have such great power?

Soon the news of "Li Na bombards the national team's mechanism" became a big headline, which was constantly reprinted in newspapers and on the Internet, and was constantly exaggerated and extended in the reprint.I have never hurt anyone, and I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to play my ball, live my life, and be my Li Na.But overnight, I became a "public enemy". The reporter took the newspaper and asked Director Sun: "Li Na said that the national team's mechanism is not good! What do you think?" Isn't this deliberately provocative? On the second day (or the third day? I can't remember exactly) after this report appeared in the newspaper, Director Sun expressed her thoughts on this report.The reporter immediately showed it to me again.

I feel bad, but I dare not speak anymore. When a sentence is relayed by more than three people, it will probably become another sentence. To be honest, I am very disgusted by the behavior of reporters passing words back and forth, constantly changing one thing into another.At the same time, I also became afraid of some reporters. They are too powerful, they have dug a hole, and they are waiting for you to jump.I keep saying it to you in front of you, and when they say one thing into another, they suddenly come up with another theory in the newspaper, which makes me feel terrible, and I feel cheated .

This incident can be said to have brought great troubles to Director Sun and me.Director Sun put a lot of pressure on me for my quick talk, and I was also given a headache by my quick talk.I am a straightforward person, and I have never been good at communicating with leaders. After this incident, I felt that I had brought trouble to Director Sun, and I was even more embarrassed to talk to her. I never ask anyone to make a theory, I can only prove myself with actions, but there are some things that I can't prove. Denmark's coach Mortensen once told the media: "(After the French Open in 2011) Li Na has become a superstar, but to become a superstar, she must pay the corresponding price." In fact, I have already paid the price without becoming a superstar.Fame is a sharp double-edged sword, even if it is only a little bit, you have to pay for it every moment.

For a long time after that, I warned myself to speak less in front of the media, and when I spoke occasionally, it was the result of choosing my words carefully and discussing with Jiang Shan. I feel that whatever I say is wrong, the truth is also wrong, and the lies are also wrong. The more you say, the more mistakes, the less you say, the less mistakes. But it turns out that even if I don't speak up, the media will still write news like "Li Na is depressed and her psychological quality needs to be improved".I was really depressed to the extreme. In fact, after every match before, I was very willing to share my feelings with reporters. Sometimes I would say a lot of things: I didn’t hit my forehand well today, or I couldn’t keep up with my physical strength, etc.It's just that these things related to playing ball rarely get attention.On the contrary, things other than playing ball can arouse their interest more.As long as I said "I think there is a problem with the training", the headline on the sports page the next day would be "Li Na bombards the national mechanism".

I understand that you have your own ideas about the national system, but I'm just a player.Ladies and gentlemen, will you hold your hand high? Jiang Shan also handled a lot of affairs for me during that time. He was always by my side and taught me how to express my thoughts and how to deal with the media.But on the day of the press conference, only players were allowed in.He can't mention me by his side, and I'm a straight person who jumps when I see a pit, and finally made things like this, and Jiang Shan also suffers a lot. Whenever I hit rock bottom, I try to relax by doing something I've never done before.For example, in the 2001 Guangzhou National Games, my mixed doubles team with Jiang Shan was forcibly dismantled. I was in a bad mood. After the National Games, I tattooed a heart and a rose on myself.The only reason I do it is because the pattern looks good and the tattoo is a way to take my mind off a bad game for a while.Jiang Shan was annoyed by my tattoo and said I looked like a bad girl.

I retorted: "Whether bad or not is determined by a tattoo?" He said I don't understand, this tattoo will be made a fuss about. Sure enough, many reporters noticed my tattoo. After the photo was sent out, many people took the pattern as a snake. Some thought I was grandstanding again, and some accused: "Li Na has a tattoo! Why does she have a tattoo?" Later, when I was on the show, the host asked me, does this tattoo symbolize love?I quickly nodded in agreement, and smoothly attributed the reason for the tattoo to love, saying that it was to commemorate my relationship with Jiang Shan.After this episode aired, my tattoo suddenly became a romantic story that was repeated repeatedly.Everyone sided with me overnight: "The tattoo is to commemorate the love with my husband, that's pretty good!"

What a wonderful thing is the human heart. A 19-year-old girl's unintentional actions can be deduced with so many complicated intentions and orientations.I am completely speechless.The two skins of the human mouth are horizontal and vertical. I've been through this kind of thing for a long time, and I'm slowly becoming numb.Say what you like. Later, Jiang Shan showed me a quote from Mother Teresa, which I found very helpful: "Even if you're nice, people will still say you're selfish and ill-motivated, but be nice anyway. "When you're successful, you'll have false friends and real enemies, but you've got to be successful anyway.

"The kindness you do today is often forgotten tomorrow, but do it anyway. "At the end of the day, it's between you and God, not between you and anyone else." I have never clarified the matter of "bombarding the national team system" in public. This is a scar in my heart, and it is bloody when I touch it. Besides, I know that some things are getting darker and darker.Fortunately, the coaches and leaders of the national team understand my personality better. This matter was widely hyped in the media, but it did not cause any uproar in the national team. But in my own heart, this incident has become a difficult hurdle, and my mood has been very low.When the weather was calm, I suddenly wanted to take wedding photos.Jiang Shan was reluctant to shoot for fear of trouble, but considering that I was in a low mood at the time, he still accompanied me to shoot.Although it is a form, sometimes girls still need this form. The wedding photos are beautiful, both exterior and interior.Taking a group of wedding photos is also very tiring. We only took couple photos once before, and it was when we just retired. It was at that time that I suddenly felt that it was time to get married.