Chapter 25 Chapter Twenty-Four Waiting Period

After attending the wedding, Xin Di returned to the city to continue working. On this day, she received a call from Lu Fei, and his voice was anxious. "Xiaodi, do you have any news about Xiaochen? I haven't been able to get through to her cell phone for almost a week. The weather forecast says that there will be heavy snowfall in the area from Lugu Lake to Aden." Xin Di was surprised, "Don't you know? Chenzi didn't go on that hike. She returned to Kunming last Monday and went to Beijing on Tuesday. That guy Yan Xuhui set up a photography studio and invited her to work, and she accepted. By the way, she changed her mobile phone number, and I will report it to you."

Lu Fei wrote down the number and remained silent for a long time. He sent a text message to Xin Chen at Lijiang Airport: "No matter what, please believe that I love you." Xin Chen's reply was: "Thank you, but I'm afraid I don't have the ability to love someone like you asked for, sorry." This reply left him speechless, and this was the last text message they had.He called Xin Chen's cell phone again, but they couldn't get through, and he didn't receive a reply when he sent a text message. He anxiously collected the weather conditions in that area, and kept his mobile phone on 24 hours a day, fearing that he would miss any message, but she never heard from her.He knew that she would try her best to keep in touch with her family, so he called Xin Di, but he didn't expect to hear such unexpected news.

He leaned back in the chair, looked at the LCD screen of the computer, and thought: She is indeed not procrastinating, and she is determined to cut off the connection between them.His persistence, maybe it was really one of his obsessions, brought her only unwelcome troubles. He still dialed this number, and Xin Chen answered quickly: "Hello." "Xiaochen, have you found a house to live in in Beijing?" "Yan Xuhui provides a dormitory for employees to share with colleagues. The transportation is convenient and the environment is also good." "That's good. The weather in Beijing is changeable in autumn. Take care of your body."

"Okay thank you." Lu Fei's tone was still calm, without any questioning or anger, but such a polite conversation clearly showed distance. Xin Chen put down his phone and thought, isn't this what you want? She was pushing a shopping cart, shopping for daily necessities in a supermarket, where people came and went on weekends, and it was very lively.A week ago, she was still in Lige, who was so quiet that she didn't make a sound. The noise and noise in front of her made her feel a little weird. That day, Xin Chen was surfing the Internet in the sun at the Lige Inn, and finally opened his mailbox. He received an email from Yan Xuhui half a month ago, to the effect that he had set up a studio and was recruiting people. He wanted to invite her to work in Beijing, but he couldn't get through to her. Cell phone, I hope she will reply the email as soon as possible.

With a thought in her heart, she immediately called Yan Xuhui, "Is that position still vacant?" Yan Xuhui laughed, "If you call a little later, I will give it to someone else, and I will come right away." Xin Chen originally planned to walk along Lugu Lake in the next few days to see if there was any possibility of climbing the Lion Rock, but she immediately made a decision, "No, I have already paid today's rent, and finally enjoy a day of freedom. Tomorrow Go back to Kunming and go to Beijing the day after tomorrow, that's the deal." After checking out the next day, she sent a text message to the team leader Lao Zhang, telling him that she would not participate in the next part of the itinerary, and reminding them to pay attention to the weather conditions. Then she returned to Kunming, said goodbye to her father and stepmother, repacked her luggage, and came to Beijing.

She returned from the supermarket with a big bag of things to a two-bedroom apartment on the North Third Ring Road, which was Yan Xuhui's former residence. Yan Xuhui's family background is good. After resigning from Bei Piao with all his heart, his mother came to visit him and saw him sharing the dark basement with others. Her mother's love and tears flooded her at the same time, and she insisted on buying this house for him. At that time, housing prices in Beijing were not so high that it was scary, so it was a very cost-effective investment.Xinchen came to Beijing three years ago to look for a job and stayed here for a few days.

Most of Yan Xuhui's friends regard art as their ideal or career direction, struggling to survive in this big city where there are as many opportunities as disappointments.In contrast, Yan Xuhui didn't suffer much from the beginning, and his development in the fashion photography circle can be regarded as extremely smooth. Within a few years, he bought a house and a car, and now invested in the establishment of a studio, which can be regarded as successful and famous .He never minded when his friends teased him with half-envy, half-sarcasm. He went to the airport to pick up Xin Chen and brought her here directly.When she asked about the rent, he just smiled, "Employee benefits, you don't need to pay the rent, but there is a colleague, Xiao Ma who is engaged in photography, lives with you, don't you mind?"

Of course Xin Chen didn't mind, she knew the expense and trouble of renting a house in Beijing. Yan Xuhui explained to her the details of his life such as riding a car. He now has a lot of money and bought a new BMW. In fact, he has no experience in the life of ordinary salarymen.But any man has a meticulous and subtle possessive desire to care for the girl he once liked, even if he already has a girlfriend. Xin Chen then formally settled down in the city that she hurriedly left three years ago. The first thing she did was to change her phone number. When she removed the old phone card, she hesitated and threw it into the trash can.

She didn't intend to avoid Lu Fei, and she didn't want to play the poignant and mentally retarded game of "disappearing in the vast sea of ​​people". She just thought that it would be good to just disconnect like this. Autumn in Beijing is said to be "a burst of autumn rain and a burst of coolness". Gao Yundan is a completely different feeling. Xiao Ma, who lives with Xin Chen, is a thin boy from Guizhou, a little nervous, but also extroverted and active.He came to Beijing two years earlier, and under his guidance, Xin Chen quickly adapted to the city, taking the subway to and from get off work, and using the south, east, north, and west to identify the direction of the road.In my spare time, I go out to sing with my colleagues, and occasionally take part in some short hikes on weekends.

I met Lin Yueqing on the Internet, and when talking about her current life, she used the evaluation of "very satisfied". Lin Yueqing said with a smile, maybe he will choose Beijing as his first choice for work after graduation. Yan Xuhui invested heavily in expensive digital backs, flash lights, and a series of professional equipment. At the beginning of the studio, the staff structure was relatively simple, but photographers, videographers, photography assistants, professional makeup artists, makeup assistants, and planning copywriters were all in place. all available.Xin Chen and another colleague are in charge of graphic design, retouching and post-production. Yan Xuhui himself is the natural art director, while his girlfriend Shun Shun is in charge of finance, administration and outreach.

Shun Shun is a graphic model from Bei Piao. She speaks pure and fluent Beijing dialect without any accent. After dating Yan Xuhui, she gave up her unpopular modeling career and concentrated on being his agent. She is very shrewd and capable.At first, she saw that Xin Chen was a bit defensive, but Xin Chen's job was a purely technical job. She was serious and focused in her work, and she communicated frankly with people. When you get to yourself, treat her immediately with affection and easygoing. In November, Beijing suddenly entered a cold winter. There was no snow, but the weather was already dry and cold.Xin Di came to participate in the launch event of China Fashion Week, and David Fan naturally followed suit. Xin Chen asked for leave to watch Xin Di's special press conference. For a designer to show at fashion fairs and fashion weeks within a year, such investment and handwriting are naturally eye-catching in the industry.This press conference is different from the last brand release in March. It is named as the design director of Suomei. It is more about the display of Xin Di's personal works. It has given up the regular professional style of the last time and included a lot of evening wear. , creative decoration elements, the theme is a simple two words: flowers. The arrangement of the entire press conference did not highlight specific flowers, but each piece of clothing carried a pure and unrestrained youthful atmosphere, the design imagination was uninhibited and beautiful, and the personal style was strong. Accompanied by rock music, models walked by the runway one by one, dazzled, making people feel that the best years of life seem to come back in rich clothes, without poverty, pain, loss and doubt, eyes full of lightness Qiu slow belt, skirts in the wind, happy and frivolous, high-spirited, it really feels like flowers are blooming. When Xin Di finally came out to call the curtain, the audience stood up and applauded for a long time. In the evening, Yan Xuhui entertained them to sing, and a lot of people were lively in the big private room.Xin Di and Xin Chen were sitting in the corner drinking and chatting, Xin Di looked tired, Xin Chen asked her: "I'm worried about being so calm, you should be more excited, today is really something to be excited about." Xin Di sighed, "In order to do this press conference, I communicated with Lao Zeng countless times. Finally, he approved my idea and agreed that the designer's personal style and brand strategy can also be integrated and complementary. This process is too laborious, but now I don't have any thoughts. I can only say that the most proud work of several years finally has a chance to see the light of day." "You can really see where people's time is being spent. You can tell from your press conference that your efforts have not been in vain." After a pause, Xin Chen said softly, "I'm proud of you, Dizi. " In Xin Di's memory, this was the first time Xin Chen praised her talent in such a direct way. She only felt her eyes heat up, and she held her cousin's hand tightly. Looking at each other, Qi Qi looked at the TV screen. After a while, Xin Di asked, "Chenzi, are you used to it here?" "Fortunately, the heating won't be available until the 15th. It's been freezing cold these days." "Did Lufei come to see you?" "We just talk on the phone once in a while. Why is he coming to see me when he has nothing to do?" Xin Chen's phone contact with Lu Fei has become sparse and polite, usually once every ten and a half months, simply greeting and saying goodbye. Xin Di couldn't help but be surprised, that day she attended Ye Zhiqiu's wedding, took the evening flight back, and ran into Lu Fei at the airport, she asked him where he went on a business trip, but he replied frankly: "I went to Lugu Lake to see Xiaochen. "She knew how busy Lu Feixin was at work, so she would find time to take a six-hour car ride to a place with inconvenient traffic to visit Xin Chen. .She knew it was useless to ask Xin Chen, so she could only sigh. Yan Xuhui brought the fruit plate in front of them, "Xin Di, it's a waste of your talent to stay in an inland city. If you develop in Beijing or a coastal city, you should have been a fashion week show two years ago." "Here it is again, can you change something fresh? Speaking of David Fan, if he came to Beijing back then, he would have become a famous model; talking about my Chenzi, if he stayed in Beijing back then, the value of editing pictures would be the same as that of so-and-so , even if Beijing is your luck, you don't have to do this. Hey, you are not allowed to exploit Chenzi, do you hear me?" "How can I? Xiaochen herself can testify that I care about her. But she is too introverted and quiet now. Shun Shun introduces a handsome guy to her, but she ignores her." Xin Chen gave him a white look, "Pull it down, look at his appearance, he looks like a replica of David Fan who is 10 years younger, I want to walk with him, if I can't be sure, some people will say that I coveted my sister's boyfriend and failed, so I send my love to him." As for him, I can't bear to rush at this point." Yan Xuhui laughed happily, "Don't tell me, he really looks like Old Dai. When I call him over, I will let you all meet. I promise to scare Old Dai." Xin Di just laughed, but suddenly realized something, when Yan Xuhui walked away, she grabbed Xin Chen, "Did you hear what my mother said?" "It's nothing, don't think about it. It's the song I ordered, give me the microphone." Xin Chen stood up and sang, Xin Di felt a little suffocated, walked out of the private room, sat on the sofa in the lobby outside, recalling what her mother had said, and thinking of Xin Chen's sudden departure, she couldn't help but feel uncomfortable.She has always felt sorry for her cousin. Seeing that she is not living as wantonly as she used to, but chooses to bury everything in her heart and digest it alone, and is even careful enough to avoid dating a man who looks like David Fan, she can't help feeling sad. "What are you thinking about? Why do you suddenly seem unhappy?" David Fan came out and sat beside her. "I'm thinking, my feelings have always been too simple, and I can't stand seeing other people's plots a bit complicated." David Fan was amused, "Have you lost your temper? I always thought that only a simple and clear relationship can lead to happiness." Xin Di was surprised, and looked straight at David Fan. David Fan was terrified by her, "Hey, I'm not flaunting myself. That's right, I have had many girlfriends before, but I have never tried cheating or stepping on her." A few boats, if you feel that you can’t continue, you must make it clear to people not to play ambiguously. I really think that if you complicate your life, it will be chaotic and boring.” Xin Di smiled and leaned into his arms, "You're right, it's rare for you to say something that I admire." Xin Di's release at Fashion Week was well received, and the picture album produced by Yan Xuhui and David Fan was also praised by industry insiders.For a while, the business of Yan Xuhui's studio was booming, and Xin Chen was also very busy. On this day, Yan Xuhui called her to the office and introduced her to a slender girl in a beige suit sitting in the office, "Xin Chen, the graphic designer of our studio." Then he said to Xin Chen, "This Miss Ji Ruoli , is the representative of the curator of the promotion of the art exhibition we picked up, she has some specific requirements for the design of the poster, let her tell you directly." Ji Ruoli looked at Xin Chen in surprise, but Xin Chen had already developed the ability to not show his face to anyone, so she sat down and took out a notepad, "Hi Miss Ji, please list your requirements, When I design posters and retouch images, I will come up with the closest possible solution." Ji Ruoli regained his composure and began to talk about her request. She spoke clearly and clearly. Xin Chen wrote it down, and then briefly checked with her to see if there were any omissions. Ji Ruoli added: "The sponsor of this art exhibition is Haotian Group. I flew to Shenzhen yesterday, and had dinner with Ms. Lu Ye, the group's vice president, and communicated with her. Deliberately exaggerated, as low-key as possible." Yan Xuhui nodded in agreement, "This is very rare. Now that merchants sponsor art exhibitions, they wish they could overwhelm the guests and put their LOGO in a big way. They must be mentioned in every publicity. The purpose and utilitarianism are too strong." Ji Ruoli smiled, "Ms. Lu Shi has a high appreciation of art, and we have a good personal relationship, so we share the same philosophy in this respect." Xin Chen didn't interrupt, just listened quietly, and didn't get up until they finished speaking, "Miss Ji, after I come up with the preliminary plan, I will contact you as soon as possible and give you a review. I'll go out to work first, goodbye. " Next, Xin Chen and Ji Ruoli met more times than ordinary clients. Ji Ruoli often came over, behaved meticulously and strictly, demanded perfection, and paid great attention to details, but Xin Chen's patience was so good that she couldn't resist it. , she attaches great importance to every request, but she is not catering unprincipled. When discussing with her, she will express her own point of view and insist on certain handling methods from a professional point of view. Xin Chen's calm tone throughout made Ji Ruoli unconsciously reflect on whether there was any lack of demeanor, and such a vague comparison made her a little discouraged. Finally, the posters and brochures were finalized, and it was already past the off-duty time. Xin Chen packed up the things on the table, and Ji Ruoli said, "I should have sent you off, Miss Xin, but I have an appointment with Lu Fei for dinner today, let's go first." step." Xin Chen's hand froze on the desk for a moment, she thought, at least there was still a gap in this seemingly impeccable disguise, but the next moment, Xin Chen raised his head and smiled at her, the one on his left cheek had already been engraved into her memory. The shallow dimples appeared, "Miss Ji, don't waste your time, I wish you a pleasant evening." Ji Ruoli sat in her bronze-colored BMW Mini Cooper, leaned on the steering wheel with both hands, and looked ahead. The underground garage was dimly lit, but what appeared in front of her was Xin Chen's smile, which clearly contained the understanding and understanding of what she meant. not give a damn about. Probably only one who has complete confidence in a man can bring out such an unconscious condescending attitude, she thought fiercely, with self-pity and anger. How could she possibly have a pleasant evening? The appointment with Lu Fei was half a month ago, when she accidentally met Xin Chen in Yan Xuhui's studio. After returning home, she called Lu Shi first and asked directly: "Sister, is Lu Fei not with her?" ? Why did Lu not go back for her, but she came to work in Beijing instead?" Lu Shi said euphemistically: "Ruoli, I don't know the specific reason, and I don't intend to ask Lu Fei, he has his own life, he is as close as a sister, and it is impossible to care too much." She has always been sensitive, so of course she understood the implication, her face became hot immediately, and she realized that she was too familiar with it.That's right, she and Lu Fei's family have gotten along very well since they met. Lu Fei's parents and sisters have treated her very kindly, and Lu Shi has always been able to talk to her. Even if she broke up with Lu Fei, the two have the same relationship. Contact, talking about work cooperation is also very smooth. However, her identity is her ex-girlfriend after all, and if she asks again, she still has delusions in her heart that she dare not face up to.Thinking of this, she broke into a cold sweat. She finally made up her mind to tidy up her apartment.Lu Fei stayed with her for a limited number of times before, so he didn’t have many things left behind. Two shirts, two ties, two sets of underwear, one pajamas, a razor, and a few English financial magazines can be thrown away. Lose. She knelt on the bedroom carpet for a long time, but called Lu Fei's cell phone and asked when it was convenient to hand it over to him: "I also want to go to your place to get my things back." Lu Fei was obviously surprised by the phone call, "Ruoli, you have the key from me, you can go get it directly, and just leave the key after you're done." Ji Ruoli smiled sarcastically, "It's really well organized, so you don't plan to see me again in the future? Could it be that your new love, oh yes, is the old love, who controls you so strictly?" Lu Fei just said: "Ruoli, I hope we are still friends. How about it, I may go to Beijing for a business trip after a while, and I will contact you when I come." So we have a date tonight. In the restaurant they both liked before, having a very boring dinner, Lu Fei asked about her work, she hesitated, took out an invitation card from her bag and handed it to him, "Recently I have been preparing for this art exhibition, Christmas Eve Our company will hold a reception that day, see if your time is convenient, you can attend it when you are free." Lu Fei took it, "The day after tomorrow is Christmas Eve, I'm afraid I have to go back that day." He suddenly stopped, and his eyes stayed on a line of inconspicuous small words on the invitation: Xuhui Photography Studio promotes the whole process. "This should be the last time I test you." Ji Ruoli smiled wryly, "So, you know that she is in Beijing, and you know where she works, right?" "Of course, I know, I keep in touch with her, although not very often." "Can you satisfy my damn curiosity, what's your situation now?" Lu Fei looked at her and smiled slightly, "She's not sure whether she wants to be with me or not, I decided not to disturb her, and wait until she thinks it through." "Is there a time limit for this waiting?" Lu Fei beckoned to the waiter, ordered the bill, and then simply said: "At present, there is no." These two words hit Ji Ruoli's heart heavily. The two left the restaurant, and she drove him back to his apartment, and went straight in to pack her things.Pajamas, underwear, coats, and sweaters in the bedroom, I took a suitcase and stuffed them in all, and then went to the bathroom of the master bedroom, looking at the dazzling array of skin care and skin care products, thinking about how much Lu Fei kept in his place Items, she was irritated for a while, she didn't know that there were not many overnight stays, and so many things would be put in. Maybe I still want to participate in his life too much. Every time I come here, I will buy a bunch of things that are useless. Lu Fei once said with a bit of a smile that she might have a fetish, but she didn't explain it.In fact, her favorite thing to buy is all kinds of ingredients. She piled up the refrigerator to the brim. At the same time, she enthusiastically bought recipes and cooked them while studying. She picked up the cosmetics on the shelf and threw them into the trash can, making a ping-pong-pong sound. When Lu Fei heard the sound and walked in, she could only laugh at herself, "I really don't need to come here, I'm too lazy to ask for it." Yes, you told the hourly workers to throw them all away." She went to the study to get a few books of her own, and her eyes touched the photo of her and Lu Fei on the desk. The photo was taken at the seaside of Beidaihe. Put it here, and at that time, she smiled and said: "Let you always face me." She walked over, picked it up but put it down again, and couldn't help thinking maliciously, don't talk about photos, from the layout to the furnishings of this house, Is there anything that does not have her thoughts and imprints?Whatever he did, she sneered when she thought about it. She took out the key and handed it to Lu Fei, "Okay, we're done with it, you can stay here in the future." Lu Fei took the key and put it on the coffee table, "I will come to Beijing on business trips in the future, just stay in a hotel, and I will return the key to my sister." She thought discouragedly that leaving such traces was a delusion. The man in front of her had already decided to bid farewell to that period of life. There was a soreness in her eyes, and she could only try her best to hold on, "Very well, we will probably not contact each other in the future." Right?!" "Ruoli, we said, don't say sorry and forgive me." Lu Fei remained calm, "But I do apologize to you, and maybe the last thing I can do for you is to learn from your life. Disappeared completely." Ji Ruoli was silent, and after a while he said: "That's not necessary, Lu Fei. Probably only after breaking up and not caring about each other at all, can we be friends. Give me time, and one day I will let go." On Christmas Eve, Yan Xuhui asked several staff members to go to the reception reception of the art exhibition together, and he specifically asked them to pay attention to the dress etiquette the day before, "Wear grotesque, trendy, street, or sexy, you can choose whatever you want. , just don’t wear your usual work clothes, people will doubt your professional ability.” "If there is an installation fee, I would dare to wear Chanel." The young girl Xiaoyun who was doing the planning murmured, of course, it was just talking in private. The weather was cold and everyone was dressed formally. Xin Chen wore a small dress. The dark green silk fabric was gorgeous and low-key, which matched her fair skin again. The cut was smooth and simple, with a square neckline , revealing the exquisite collarbone, as soon as he took off the outer coat, Shunshun was amazed, and asked what brand it was and where he bought it. "My cousin's design is only a sample of this one." Shun Shun called enviously: "Next time I see Xin Di, I will definitely ask her to design one for me." The reception booked a bar in the 798 Art District. As soon as you walked in, you could only see richly dressed men and women, and there were many well-known faces among them.Xiaoyun next to him excitedly pulled Xinchen to watch a certain star, Yan Xuhui said angrily: "Every time a model with a flat head and face comes to the studio, you will be excited, I really shouldn't bring you here." "Boss, the more this is the case, the more you should bring me out to see big scenes. One day, I will cultivate to the point where Xin Chen is so calm." Before the words finished, Xin Chen glanced ahead, "Hey, Johnny Depp." Xiao Yun almost jumped up, "Where, where?" She saw a chubby half-bald foreign man standing in the direction Xin Chen indicated, and several colleagues around her couldn't straighten up with laughter, so she realized that she had been fooled, angry and funny.Xin Chen suppressed a smile and patted her comfortingly, "Two times like this, you will calm down, which is much more effective than going out with the boss." Xin Chen was absent-mindedly drinking a glass of cocktail. People walk around freely, greet and talk with friends, and they are naturally divided into large and small circles. She chose to stand with Xiaoyun, free from the excitement, Also comfortable.Xiaoyun opened her eyes wide and looked around, telling her from time to time who came in and who was talking to so and so, she just smiled and listened, in an unfamiliar environment, it was a reassuring thing to have an acquaintance around making noise . It was Ji Ruoli who spoke on stage on behalf of the organizer. She was wearing a black evening dress from MiuMiu, her hair was tied back, and she looked elegant and moving.She briefly introduced the famous artists covered in the art exhibition and curatorial ideas, and thanked the guests present.Then there was a performance to add to the fun. A popular singer came on stage to sing songs, and occasionally there was a lucky draw. When the guests came in, they all received their number plates with invitation cards. The prizes given out were various, including limited edition key chains, crystal decorations, and famous brand perfumes. There are also autographed photos, autographed CDs, hugs or kisses of the stars present. Finally, this kind of eclectic prizes can naturally enliven the atmosphere. When Xin Chen saw the lottery number reported, it was his own. The DJ on the stage announced that the prizes depend on the requirements of the winners, and they can be any celebrity. Kiss, "regardless of gender", he dragged his voice and added these four words, causing the audience to scream.Xin Chen casually handed the number plate to Xiaoyun, "I'll see you off, see whose tofu you want to eat, come on." Xiaoyun hugged her excitedly and rushed onto the stage. Xin Chen looked at her with a smile. This girl of her age was so happy that she envied her.A hand stretched out, took the wine glass she drank in her hand, and handed over another glass of wine.She turned around in surprise, and Lu Fei in a dark gray suit appeared in front of her. She smiled slightly, "Thank you." The two stood side by side, without asking or explaining why they appeared here, as if such encounters happened every day, which was nothing more than normal.On the small stage, Xiao Yun was interacting enthusiastically with the DJ, surrounded by laughter, whistles, stomping and applauding, everyone had a smile on their faces, and the atmosphere was brisk enough to make people feel a little dizzy. "It's snowing outside." Lu Fei said softly. Although he comes from a city where there is only occasional light snow in winter and it melts immediately, after seeing Tibet and Meili Snow Mountain, Xin Chen has no novelty about snow.At the end of last month, the first snow of winter fell in Beijing, but the snow came and went in a hurry, and it was not pleasant, and then it was still dry and cold. Fortunately, there was enough heating indoors, which was colder and damper than back home. Winter without heating is better.She and Lu Fei walked to the window, and sure enough, the snow was fluttering and falling densely outside. Under the light of the street lights, the north wind wrapped in fine snowflakes whirled and danced all over the sky, making the distance near and far blurry. Xiaoyun rushed over with a blushing face, "Xin Chen, I'm so happy, I decided not to remove my makeup or wash my face tonight." She came too fast, before Xin Chen could turn around, she had already hit her elbow, When the wine glass was tilted, half of the glass of wine was spilled on his waist. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Xiao Yun frantically tried to make amends. Xin Chen took the wet tissue from Lu Fei and shook her head with a smile. Comfortable, "I'd better take a step first and go back to change clothes." She patted Xiaoyun and signaled her to continue playing, Lu Fei said, "I'll see you off, I drove here in a friend's car." He took her out to get the coat, and put it on for her. The cold north wind came through the crack of the door, and she shrank involuntarily, and the wet part of her waist became instantly cool. "Wait here, I'll pick up the car." He walked into the wind and snow. She knew that it would be difficult to hail a taxi today, and it would not be fun to wind up on the side of the road in winter in such a thin dress, so she could wait there with peace of mind. "He couldn't resist coming after all." Ji Ruoli's voice came faintly from behind her, she turned her head and saw Ji Ruoli standing behind her, his delicately made-up face was a little pale. "Miss Ji, it's very windy here, be careful of catching cold." Seeing that she was only wearing a thin evening dress, Xin Chen reminded her. "What's it like to see a proud man bow down for you?" Xin Chen looked at her somewhat surprised. Ji Ruoli's eyes were unusually bright, but his voice was very gentle, "I have loved him for five years, and I have always regarded his pride, calmness, and wisdom as his most valuable qualities, and I am willing to look up to his calmness. But suddenly But suddenly found that he would give up all his reserve in front of another girl, how do you think I feel?" "There's no need to compare these," she said perfunctorily. Ji Ruoli snorted, "Yes, you can tell me directly that this man loves you, everything he does is voluntary, I should lose nothing to say, I don't have the capital to ask why." "This is not a war between anyone and anyone, Miss Ji, no one wins or loses. I have a long past with him, and it is a part that I can't let go. You love his pride, calmness, and wisdom Well, I admit that these are all very attractive things about men. But when I met him at the age of 14, he was just him, no strings attached. I would like him then, like I like ice cream in the summer It’s as natural as the winter sun.” Xin Chen gathered his coat, tilted his head and thought about it, “If I want to get into a dead end, do I have to ask why I loved you like that, and it’s just leaving; why do I still have to see you again after leaving? ? This kind of question is doomed to have no answer, we don't need to pursue it any further, and make things difficult for ourselves." Lu Fei appeared at the door and looked at the two of them. After a moment of silence, he put his hand on Xin Chen's waist, "Let's go." Then he nodded to Ji Ruoli, "Good night, Ruoli, the snow is a bit heavy, drive back Stay safe at home." Lufei opened the door of the black Lexus car parked in front of the bar, and Xin Chen sat in. Lufei leaned over and sent the hem of the long coat that had fallen on the door for her, then closed the door, turned to the driver's seat, got in the car and started the car. car. Xin Chen said, "I live in the North Third Ring Road..." "I know where you live." Lu Fei interrupted her, turned the steering wheel and drove the car onto the boulevard, stopped for a while and continued, "Yes, I know. I also did a very boring thing last night. Downstairs where I lived, I thought and thought, wondering if I should go up and disturb you." With his frankness and what Ji Ruoli said just now, Xin Chen could only remain silent.Looking out through the glass of the car, I saw a vast expanse of wind and snow, and the red taillights of the car in front kept flashing. "Occasionally when I wake up in the middle of the night, I will ask myself: Why did I choose to leave in the first place." "Is there an answer?" "I just know that if I do it all over again, I will make different choices." Xin Chen shook his head lightly, "You're still on the edge of a dead end, Lu Fei. If you stay and guard such a willful and insecure girl, you will probably only pamper her to become more dependent and want to hold on to you even more desperately. Coupled with various practical problems, that relationship may still have no future." "You accepted it all, you understood it all, and looking at the past with such grace only makes me question my choices even more. Did I really love you as much as I thought I did? I love your beauty, your courage, I love your frankness and innocence, and even love your waywardness, but I only ignore your insecurities. When you need me most, you ignore me and comfort yourself. When you grow up, you will naturally understand. What do you understand? What about it?" Lu Fei let out a short laugh, "Is it too selfish to understand my love?" Xin Chen smiled wryly, "I'm begging for mercy, don't criticize yourself, Lu Fei, I really can't bear such a heavy dialogue. Now I feel more and more that character is actually a kind of fate. I have never been a tolerant person, but I don't want to blame Others, let alone my own fate. Feelings are like sand, you can hold it in your palm for a while, but once you hold it tightly, it will definitely slip through your fingers, and no one can resist it. After you leave, my life will never be the same. Miserable and not depraved, so your self-blame means nothing to me. If this continues, I will abuse you by relying on my old feelings, and you will be abused inexplicably, why bother?" "Yes, the past cannot be recalled, and the days to come are still long. You have not accepted others now, so give me a chance, shall we start again?" Xin Chen turned his face sideways, pressed his forehead against the car window, and remained silent for a long time.The wine on her clothes was steamed by the heating in the car, and it was already dry. The smell of the wine lingered in the closed car along with the smell of her perfume, bringing a slight sense of drunkenness.Lu Fei didn't continue to say anything, but just looked ahead intently.The weather and the flow of people going out to carnival on Christmas Eve made the traffic in Beijing even more congested. All the vehicles stop and go, driving slowly on the snowy road.However, no matter how much time wasted on the road, there was a time to arrive. Finally, the car stopped at the apartment building where Xin Chen lived. Lu Fei reached out, untied Xin Chen's seat belt, stroked her hair, and looked at her with a smile, "Did I embarrass you again? Yes, I tried to convince myself that it's good to just wait quietly, but always I can't wait to see you." Xin Chen turned his head and pressed his face to his warm palm, "You are tempting me, Lu Fei." Lu Fei's voice resounded in the small car, "If I could bring you more happiness, I'd be a bit sure of temptation, but unfortunately, until now, what I've brought you seems to be more It's trouble." “我已经被诱惑了。我知道，你会对我很好，和你在一起，大概能享受到你非常包容温柔的爱。这个诱惑对我来说太大了，可是我不敢要。”辛辰将路非的手从自己的脸上拿下来，正正地看着他，“听我说完，路非。十五六岁的时候，我除了自己的感受，根本不会考虑别的问题，可现在都得考虑。比如，我大伯会不会被我的轻率波及？你家里人会接受你的选择吗？” 路非简直有几分震怒，“你考虑的竟然只是这个吗？你质疑一个快30岁的男人对自己的感情和生活有没有自主的能力？如果我连这些都不能控制，我怎么会放任自己来打扰你。” “对呀，你看我就是这么现实，面对一个男人的示爱，首先想到的已经不是感情了。从小到大，我给大伯添了太多的麻烦，再不能倚小卖小，只为贪图那点享受就去困扰到他，让真正疼我的人难堪。而且，我现在对恋爱的要求不过是相处开心，总觉得没什么值得我去委屈自己，我不想去面对你家人的反对。” 路非不能不记起，他曾站在辛辰家门外，听她对着另一个男人说过类似的话，那么，他和那个男人对她来说，并没什么不同的待遇。他平静下来，“如果我说，这些都不是问题呢？” “那问题就回到我身上了。说到底，我不光不够勇敢了，大概也不够爱你，我没有从前那种不顾一切去爱一个人的能力，你听到过那场谈话，我前男友就认识到了，早晚你一样会认识到这一点，对我失望幻灭。” “不要把我的感情和他等同起来看待。”路非清楚明白地说，而辛辰却笑了。 “当然，你对我是不一样的，你如果幻灭了就肯断然放手也算了，现在分手伤害不到我。可是你这个人。”辛辰轻轻叹息，“路非，你太自律，对我又存了莫名其妙的负疚，就算幻灭了，也还会坚持下去，忍受自己做出的选择。我要是接受这个诱惑，就真自私得没有救了。” “你给我的行为预设了一个前提，坚持认为我对你的爱建立在负疚跟误解之上，于是我所有的行为在你眼里，都成了一个逻辑清晰的悖论，你觉得这样对我或者你算公平吗？” 辛辰茫然地看着前方，此时雪下得小了，只有零星雪花飞舞着，无声无息扑到前挡风玻璃上，化成水珠缓缓滑落，拖出长长的痕迹，再被另一串水珠打乱汇合在一处流淌下去。 “我们认识快十二年了，我离开了你，还跟别的女孩子谈到了结婚。小辰，如果我还说爱了你这么久，真的很厚颜。是啊，我只是忘不了你，在开心、寂寞的时候，一样都会记起你。而且感谢生活并没捉弄我到底，没让我在你跟别的男人结婚并彻底忘记我后再回来。你看，如果说到自私，我的自私肯定多过你。” “我们再这样对着检讨争论下去，注定没有结果，而且未免有点可笑。”辛辰苦笑，伸手去开车门，“太晚了，我明天还要上班，你早点回去休息。” 辛辰上楼，拿钥匙开门，却见玄关处放着一对女式长筒靴子，而小马卧室房门紧闭，里面隐隐传来暧昧不明的声音，这当然不是他头一次带女孩回来过夜了。上次她早晨睡眼惺忪地去卫生间，正撞上一个衣衫不整的女孩出来，着实吓了一跳，对方倒是镇定得出奇。 现在她已经算得上见惯不怪，只跟小马约法三章：不可以进她的房间，不可以动用她的私人物品，不可以占用公共空间上演儿童不宜。小马很爽快地答应了，也确实基本上都做到了这几点。 合住不可以太挑剔。辛辰只能安慰自己，这比听见父亲房里传来声音要好受得多。 她赶紧拿了睡衣去洗澡，然后回自己房间，紧紧关上了门。她走到窗前，这边窗子并不对着路边，隔了11层楼的距离，加上小雪飘洒，望出去也只是一片迷离，远远近近的灯光带着恍惚的光晕，一转眼，她来到这个大都市已经两个月了，而这漫长的一年也快走到尾声了。 这样的岁暮时分，急景凋残年，加上去家千里，待在一个容纳了千万以上人口的繁华都市里，真如一粒微尘。她不能不想到，今夜于千万人中，唯一牢牢牵念着自己的，似乎也只有刚刚开车离去的那个男人。