My whole life seems to be controlled by a man, so that I cannot have the freedom to engage in other emotional life, but there is no resentment or resentment between me and him, we love each other deeply, but he is neither my spouse nor Not a lover, this relationship is long and tiring, but not bitter. The year I met Fu Yuchen, I was only seven years old. Not an ordinary seven-year-old. Mother remarried that year and held a grand ball, Fu Yuchen was one of the guests. On that day, I was put on a white gauze and white gloves, and stood in a corner of the ball, acting as a background. I was already very tired, and when I got up early in the morning, I went to the marriage registration office to watch the ceremony, and I found it ridiculous when I saw my mother wearing a satin dress, with a low collar and pink, like pajamas.

The relatives and friends watching the ceremony couldn't help but cast curious eyes, carefully claiming that I was an oil bottle, and pointing fingers. After the ceremony, someone picked me up and walked away, seeing that there was a space in the car, threw me in, drove me to the teahouse, and randomly gave me a bowl of noodles. At this time, the gauze skirt stabbed my leg, and I didn't say a word for a long time, I couldn't eat enough, and I felt cold. My mother was far away, putting on a long cheongsam to take pictures with relatives and friends. Suddenly, she asked someone to pass me on. They sent me hand in hand to my mother. She put her hands on my shoulders affectionately and motioned for me to watch the prison. The camera clicked, and I still keep this photo.

In the color photos, the mother and daughter look at the camera and meet each other, I don't know how affectionate they are, but the truth, the truth is never that. After taking the picture, she flew to the others again. Even I knew it was her big day. Her make-up is very thick and dark, red from a distance is red, white is white, up close, charcoal black outlines big eye circles, fake eyelashes are like a fan, powder sinks into wrinkles when she smiles, and teeth are stained. Smoke stains. I have never seen such a rough and fake face. I remember that my mother had the smoothest skin in the past. My father asked me to line up with her for face recognition, and then he would laugh and say that the skin is as smooth as it is.

I was very confused and didn't dare to speak out. After eating the noodles, I was sent to the car and taken to the dance. None of the older relatives came, so my mother changed her clothes again and danced with Uncle Hui. It was dusk at that time, and they had already started drinking. There was a very tall cake with two little sugar figures on it, symbolizing the bride and groom. The mother and Uncle Hui held a knife in four hands and cut it hard. Everyone clapped their hands. I felt very, very lonely, very, very tired. I wandered to a corner, sat down, and looked down at my leather shoes. They were new white shoes, but someone had stepped on them, and there was a black mark on them.

I grabbed my handbag, which contained a handkerchief and ten dollars. After a while, when everything is over, my mother will take me back to my new home to live with Uncle Hui. Because my grandmother and grandmother and my father refused to take me in. During the dance, the skirt was rubbed against the skirt, and I was rustling. It was dark, and I was still hiding in a corner. Suddenly, I couldn't help it anymore, and tears fell. I ran to a corner to concentrate on crying. "Hello." Someone said behind my back. No one spoke to me all day.Who could this be? I looked up and saw a man, a little younger than Uncle Hui, looking at me.

I don't turn my back so he doesn't know I'm crying. "Who are you?" he asked me. I don't answer. "Can't talk," he teased me, "are you dumb?" "Whoever is dumb, you are dumb." He was sure the child would answer in this way. "Why are you crying?" "I didn't cry." "Oh, then the dust must have fallen into the eyes." I ignore him. "Ah, by the way, my name is Fu Yuchen." "Pay it to your heart." "yes." For many, many years after that, I kept him in my heart.

"what's your name?" I refuse to answer. "Where's your father?" "he's not here." "Where's your mother?" I also refused to answer. "What color is she wearing?" "White." Only one woman wore white. He looked in the direction of the dance floor for a while, and stayed for a while. "Your name is Zhou?" he asked. I nod. "I see." The voice was very, very gentle. Mother and Uncle Hui hugged each other and laughed non-stop. "You must be hungry." I nod. "Come on, I'll take you to eat."

I shake my head. "why?" "Don't go with strangers." "Right, so what do you want to eat?" I still shake my head. He smiled and walked away, "Wait a minute, I'll be right back." I waited for him, and he didn't disappoint me, coming back with hot dogs and milk. I was skeptical that eating the head would grow ears and turn into a donkey, but I was so hungry that I ate the whole thing. Then doze off. Remember to find a sofa and close your eyes when leaning on it. I don't know how long I slept. It was my mother who kept shaking me, and I heard her voice, "Old Fu, are you having a good time? Why don't you see you dancing, who are you with?"

Uncle Hui also said at the side: "What about Elizabeth Huang, we obviously invited her." I can't keep my eyes open. "What's your daughter's name?" "Old Fu, I didn't expect you to like children." "Wrong, I don't like children." I was picked up by him and sent to the car. After the wedding, the mother became Mrs. Hui. Elsewhere, there is also Mrs. Hui, who is divorced, takes two boys with her, and does not see her mother. Living in Hui's house, life is very decent. Uncle Hui is the kind of person who doesn't care about small things. He doesn't care about the extra chopsticks at home, but he will never come to ask for warmth.

A year later, he forgot that there was such a girl in the family, just what I wanted. The maid was brought here by my mother, and she was considerate in serving me. This was an extremely comfortable time in my life. Uncle Hui is a good person. He likes to travel and keeps going out with his mother, and my drawers are full of souvenirs from various countries. There is a glass paperweight, semi-circular, with a small house with a red roof inside. When the paperweight is shaken, the white crumbs are stirred in the liquid, like snow. I call it a snowy paperweight. I brought it from Germany. back.

There is also a necklace of rhinestones, because one of them was lost, my mother gave it to me to play with, and I like to hang it on my forehead, pretending to be an Indian dancer. "Cheng Yu." "A very special name." Mother didn't want to discuss any further, "What should I do, Hui, you carry her out." "Wake her up." "I come." There are so many things in the drawer that other girls my age don't have, and this is what I got. What am I missing?What puzzled me the most was that I never saw my biological father again. I don't know where he went, who he was with, and whether he missed me. totally no idea. But I still follow his surname, mine is Zhou. My mother also helped me collect all kinds of postcards, which gave me a high status in front of my classmates when I was in elementary school. I brought two or three back to school each time and told them what are the characteristics of Notre Dame de Paris and the Egyptian pyramids. What I have, they can see, what I don't have, they don't know. But from the envious eyes of the children, I get happiness. There are many kinds of happiness, and when I know that I can see you again, the feeling of happiness is real. One day my mother said, "Old Fu is back." Uncle Hui asked, "How do you know?" "He sent a postcard saying that he wants to live with us. Xiaoyu, I'm sending you this Fushigu. It was sent from Switzerland. Hui, what is he doing there?" "Study the opposite sex." I didn't realize who the owner of the postcard was for a while, but I saw a huge colorful postage stamp on the back, and I was a little happy. He wrote in English, but signed in Chinese, and it said Fu Yuchen. I read it out of my mouth: Fu Zi Explore. Uncle Hui smiled, "No, no, it's Fu Yuchen." Put your heart into it! My eyes lit up. Mother muttered: "Xiao Yu, your Chinese level is very poor." Uncle Hui said, "This is what happened to their generation." Mother said: "Did he come back with Elizabeth Huang?" "We broke up last year." "Really, I've never heard of it, where did you get the news?" "I don't know who said it." "They lived in New York for a long time, too." "Now that old man Fu is dead, he should come back." "Back then, he was interested in me..." Uncle Hui didn't answer, but let out a laugh. Mother was annoyed, "Why are you laughing, don't you believe me? Do you have the guts to ask him!" I took the Fushi card and returned to the room. I remember him. He is the kind gentleman who talked to me, gave me food when I was most lonely, and finally, carried me home. I copied out every English word after the postcard, some were recognizable, some were not, and then looked it up in the dictionary. The results are as follows: "...Come back on July 1st, stay at the residence temporarily...to look for...reminiscing about the old days...will be kind to you...goodbye." July 1st, two weeks to go. By then he'll realize I've grown up a lot and won't be dozing off at parties. Before July came, my mother was already angry with Uncle Hui. Another Mrs. Hui is bringing her children back for summer vacation. They haven't been back for many years, Uncle Hui is excited, but mother is not. She asked the three of them to stay in a hotel, but Uncle Hui refused. "This is their home too!" Another Mrs. Hui returned to her natal home, but the sons must be reunited with their father. The mother was very, very angry, she even cried, but Uncle Hui didn't give in, they yelled at each other and then didn't speak. They are like children. When adults are like children, children have to grow up quickly. I remain silent. Are the days of happiness and nothingness coming to an end? Mother packed her luggage and headed to London. Uncle Hui didn't stop her, but said, "Come back when you're tired." Mother said, "I hate you." Same as the movie. She took the box and left, as usual, without thinking about my situation. She should take me with her, but either she will come back and take me then, or she won't. I see no reason why she would not allow Uncle Hui's sons to live with their father. After all, I have nothing to do with Uncle Hui, and I have lived here for several years. I became very silent very silent. When Uncle Hui and Fu Yuxin appeared together, I was not half as happy as I expected. As soon as Uncle Hui came back, I immediately stood up and hid behind the screen. Fu Yuxin has a mustache and looks tired, but his eyes are very bright. He asked Uncle Hui, "Where is the mistress?" "Woman!" was Uncle Hui's answer. "What's wrong?" "She's gone on a trip." "quarrel?" Uncle Hui said, "Don't talk about that, I'll prepare the guest room for you." "thanks." "Have you made peace with your father?" "Old Hui, I don't ask about your affairs, and you don't ask about mine." "Yes Yes Yes." "Give me a brandy." The sound of pouring wine. "Old Hui, what is this? If you drink this, you will be blind!" Uncle Hui said embarrassingly: "I've lived outside for so many years, and I'm still being tricky." The two laughed. I just wanted to hide in the room, and I spoke with my heart. "You live by yourself?" "yes." "What about the little girl?" "What little girl?" "Here, Qianzhi's little girl." "Here, you mean Xiao Yu." "Does she still live with you?" "same." "Can I see her?" "Of course, Mother Chen, call Xiao Yu out." The maid responded. "Is she happy?" "Who?" "Zhou Chengyu." "I think it's okay. Hey, old Fu, I didn't expect you to be interested in children's psychology." I turned and went back to the room. Chen Ma was looking for me, and said with a smile: "Go out to meet the guests, come." I follow her. When Fu Yuxin saw me, she felt unspeakably happy, "Hello, how are you?" I smiled, and he still treated me as a child. "You've grown a lot taller," he said. Uncle Hui sighed and said, "She is the most obedient." "And beautiful." I hang my head. "Still not talkative?" Fu Yuxin lowered her head and asked me. I avoid his gaze. He laughed. Uncle Hui walked away to answer the phone, and there were only the two of us left in the study. "Every time I see you, you always seem unhappy." I still don't speak. "I have a gift for you." "I don't want a doll." He looked at me in surprise, "Hey, I've spoken." "I don't play with dolls anymore." "But I never thought you'd like dolls." He took a box out of the luggage basket and handed it to me. "Can you take it apart?" I said. "Naturally." Fu Yuchen said. The box is an old biscuit box, as big as 20 centimeters by 30 centimeters. When it is opened, it is full of stamps, and they are all old. They are found all over the world. They are triangular and rectangular, and they are so beautiful. My heart jumped wildly, "Give it all to me?" He nodded, "It's all yours." "Ah, thank you, thank you." I closed the lid and hugged the box to my chest. "Who gave you your favorite gift?" "you/ "who am I?" "You are Fu Yuchen." "Ah, you remember my name." "Yes, and your name will be written." "Who taught you this?" "I'm already nine years old, why should I be taught?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm nine years old. Hello, miss, can I shake hands?" I reached out and shook his hand. His hands are big and warm and strong, and his hands are always protecting me. "Miss, do you think we can be friends?" "Yes, yes, yes." "You are rarely so brave, are you?" My face flushed. "By the way, where's your mother?" "in London." "Maybe I can talk to her on the phone and call her back, what do you think?" "Thank you." I was so grateful that I wanted to cry. "It's not a problem, it's easy." He talked to his mother for a long time that night, but her mother did not agree to come back. Uncle Hui doesn't necessarily have to be her, he enthusiastically carries out the activity of welcoming his wife, eager to see his two sons. Uncle Hui said: "Fifteen and thirteen, think about it, they are so old. The eldest is said to be 1.7 meters tall." That is almost the same as an adult, I am surprised, so tall! When the two brothers appeared in real life, they were bigger than I imagined. I think it's because their surname is Hui, and I, my surname is Zhou, in comparison, my size suddenly shrunk a bit. This was their home. Fu Yuxin seemed to see through my thoughts, he said softly, "It doesn't matter, my surname is not Hui either." I take one look at him, but he's going to be moving out soon, and I, I don't know how long. This is the first time I have tasted what it is like to live under the fence. Later, on the road of life, I suffered a lot of hardships, but the first case was the suffering of being dependent on others, which was worse than birth, old age, sickness and death. From that time on, I vowed to have my own home, my own nest, and to be exposed to the wind and rain outside, and to close the door and lick my wounds when I came back. In the evening, Uncle Hui went out to have dinner with his family. Fortunately, Fu Yuxin was with me. I heard him arguing with my mother on the long-distance call. "You should come back. How can you leave Cheng Yu at Hui's house? Yes, I'm nosy, but how long do you want to stay in London? The rest of your life?" I hid in the closet and didn't cry, it's no use crying. But the cabinet is dark and very safe. Fu Yuchen came to look for me, he opened the door of the room, then the cupboard door, and found me. I look at him and he looks at me. Then he said very very gently: "Zhou Chengyu, do you want to give me a hug?" At that time, I felt that no one in the world would treat me as well as him, so I immediately threw myself into his arms, hugged him tightly, and never parted for a long time. He said: "For you, I will marry your mother without hesitation, even though she is a very unlovable woman." His voice is very low, and he often speaks to me in that tone, comforting me when I am at my lowest. Uncle Hui's two sons were so naughty that they couldn't bear it. The next day, they picked on me, pulled me out of the room, and tried to push me down the stairs. "Cry, cry and let you go." "Take off her coat, why wear so many clothes inside the house." Hui Da pushed me to the corner, Hui Er pulled me out. I didn't scream because no one listened. There is no anger, only deep sorrow. At this moment, Fu Yuchen appeared at the door of the room. "Stop it," he said. Hui Da Hui Er had a hippie smile, "Good morning, Uncle Fu." "Show me again that you bully Zhou Chengyu, without asking your father's opinion, I will fry your skin!" He yelled violently, "Go away!" Hui Dahui Er, including me, was stunned. Hui Da muttered, "This is our home, isn't it?" However, he didn't dare to say anything, and pulled his brother away. I retreated to the corner and looked at Fu Yuchen. He asked me softly, "Do you want to be my daughter? May I take you as my goddaughter?" I slowly shook my head, "dislike?" "I don't want to be your daughter." "Why?" He was anxious. "I want to marry you." "What? Say it again." I said with certainty: "I want to marry you and be your wife." "Ah," he marveled, "really?" "Because you are kind to me and protect me." "Just for that?" "yes." It took many, many years before I realized that I was wise so early on. However, being a human being is a matter of luck. In my love life, I have never met a husband who is good to me and can protect me. Many women have never met. "Thank you," he said, "that's the best compliment I've ever heard." Fu Yuchen has been living in Hui's house. Why didn't he move out? Why is he becoming more and more like a master? Why did the two naughty ghosts, Hui Da and Hui Er, hide away when they saw Fu Yuchen? Why is Uncle Hui downcast? One late night, Uncle Hui came in to talk to me. I was reading a pictorial, and seeing his sad face, I knew it would not be good news. I wait for him to speak. My heart was extremely disturbed, and I guessed one or two points. "But mom isn't coming back?" I asked in a low voice. "Don't worry, she will always come back." "What's that?" "I really don't know what to say to you." "No problem, you said it, I've grown up." "I'm really sorry, Cheng Yu, I'm afraid you can't live here anymore." I was silent for a long time, only to feel the buzzing in my ears, and asked after a while: "Uncle Hui, but what did I do wrong, you drive me away?" "No, no, no, you are a good boy, not at all, Cheng Yu, Uncle Hui has to move himself, this house is sold to someone else." "Why?" I wondered. "Uncle Hui loses in business and has to sell the house to compensate others, do you understand? We all have to go." I feel a little better, "Where are you going?" "I don't know, Cheng Yu, I have sent a telegram to ask your mother to pick you up." "Where are you going?" "do not know yet." "Is my mother still your wife?" "No, Cheng Yu, she wants to divorce me." "Is it because you are poor?" "I think there are some factors." He smiled wryly. "Why are you so poor all of a sudden?" "Damn, tell me how to answer. In fact, I was poor for a while." "Really, why can't I see it?" "You are a child." I sigh. So where am I going to live? I stared blankly at Uncle Hui, and Uncle Hui also looked at me. Uncle Hui is a good man, he doesn't want to drive me away, the problem is that he can't even save himself. We met each other for a long time, and he suddenly said: "Cheng Yu, I'm sorry, I can't protect you." I comforted him very sensiblely, "It doesn't matter, I have lived here for a long time, and my life is very comfortable." My eyes were red and I went back to my room. No one slept well that night. In my dream, I became a beggar, begging for food from the door, without a tile to cover my head, and suddenly, I became a match girl again, lighting a match, another match, and finally froze to death on the street. When I woke up, I was sweating profusely, sitting on the bed, not knowing what to do. What should I do, where will I live?Can you bring postcards, snowy paperweights, and stamps with you? I don't even have a suitcase. And my mother was still in London at this time. Is she deliberately leaving me alone? It is very likely that I will be separated from her, and I will never see her again. Then, when I was in my seventies, I would recognize her at the age of one hundred. The two old women embraced and cried. These days, my mother also bought me a wardrobe of clothes, and arranged my bedroom beautifully, but the good times are gone, and I am about to leave, so I miss all these things. I stay in the room. Fu Yuchen knocked on my door. I opened the door for him. "Why don't you come out?" I said sadly, "Uncle Hui is moving out." "Yes, I know." "How to do it?" "Wouldn't it be better, those two annoying bad boys will follow him." "But you have to go, and I have to go." "No, you don't have to go, and neither do I." I opened my eyes wide and looked at him. "Cheng Yu, this will always be your home, understand?" I do not understand.But I see the golden sunshine in the dark stormy night. I asked him, "You bought the house?" "Cheng Yu is really smart." "Where are they going to live?" "I don't know." He smiled. "That doesn't seem very good." "You are such a kind child." "Will you stay here with me until mother comes back?" "Even if I'm not free, Mama Chen will stay here." I let go. "So, did you drive Uncle Hui away?" "No, Uncle Hui owes him money. I'll help him buy the house and solve his difficulties. The house must be sold, no matter who the buyer is, do you understand?" I understand, what I don't understand is why I lived in Hui's family at the beginning, and now I live in Fu's family. My surname is Zhou, so I should live in Zhou's family. But as long as I had a place to live, a place to put my stamps, I learned not to ask. "smile." I smile. "Yeah, but the eyes don't smile." I bow my head. "How about going out to the movies with you?" I shake my head. Uncle Hui moved away with his two children that day. Hui Da took advantage of people not paying attention and pushed me to the ground, Hui Er came and kicked me. I didn't make a sound, just looked at them, enduring the pain. Huida said, "What vicious eyes!" He spits and walks away. They got into Uncle Hui's car and left together. I got up from the ground with scraped elbows, and Mama Chen took care of me. Fu Yuchen saw, "What's going on?" "I accidentally fell." He stared at me, "Next time you accidentally fall, you must tell me." I put my head down and walk away. I heard Mother Chen say, "What a good boy." Fu Yuchen said: "Child? I never treated her as a child. She is an adult. " I am silent. There was a party in Fu Zhai, but I didn't go down. What would people say, whose child was it, where were her parents, why was she living with a stranger? But in the afternoon, someone came to comb my hair and bring me new clothes. I said to Fu Yuchen, "Where is my mother, when will she be back?" The summer vacation is almost over, and she is nowhere to be seen. "Good news, your mother will be back next week." "real?" He nodded, "how about it, get dressed, and I'll teach you how to dance." Knowing that her mother was coming back, she put down a big stone in her heart, put on new clothes and shoes obediently, and hugged him. More than half of the guests have arrived, there are new faces, and no one has seen them before, and the music has already started. Fu Yuchen pulled me and taught me how to dance, and everyone formed a big circle. I danced with him twice, turning around, and then someone took my hand and danced with me to another corner. This was the first time that I was treated as an adult, and I was very involved. The dance steps were very simple, and I learned it as soon as I learned it. When I turned to Fu Yuchen again.Everyone laughed and danced, feeling very comfortable. I asked him, "Can I dance with you all the time?" "No, you must change your partner." "why?" "That's how this dance is danced." "yes?" "It's called round dance. No matter which side you turn to, as long as you dance down, you will eventually meet me." "Oh, that's right." He was short of breath, and everyone was sweating and gasping, "Hey, I can't jump anymore!" Everyone stops together, laughs, undresses, and finds a drink to quench their thirst. It's a really fun game that I will keep in my heart. It's called round dance. Mother didn't come back until we finished dancing. It's all back to school. Mother Chen took me to school to pick up the booklet. Fu Yuchen sent someone to accompany me to buy new textbooks. All tuition and miscellaneous fees shall be signed by him. For me, there is no other signature style that is more profound than the three words Fu Yuchen. I don't know how to describe my mood at that time, I only know infinite sorrow and resentment. My parents ignored me and asked me to accept other people's charity. Although Fu Yuchen treated me so well, I was not happy. My mother came back with her luggage by herself and sat smoking in the living room. I had just finished school. After entering the house, he only looked at his mother coldly. She turned on the phonograph, and the song was called "When Will You Come Again". My mother always liked that song, and besides that she liked Beatty Paige, but I don't care about that now. I stared at her, making her feel like she was on pins and needles. The sound of the record singing became the only confession between us. At that time, my father laughed and asked: "When Rijun will come again, Qianzhi, who are you waiting for?" But these memories are no longer important. In fact, I have also understood that even if my mother does not come back, I can still live. If I can survive these four months, I can survive for a lifetime. Chen Ma came over to smooth things over, "Didn't you wait for Mom to come back, now Mom is back." After singing "He Rijun Comes Again", my mother put down the cigarette butt and came to see me. She still treated me like a child, squatted down, and then raised her head. She held my shoulders with both hands, and her voice trembled moderately. , "Well, daughter, how are you?" I remember all too well that she did ask me that. I also remember pushing her away hard. She stood up as if nothing had happened, "Well," she said, "it's exactly the same as before." "This is not your home," I said. She looked at me, her face turned pale, and then she sneered, "Ah, is this your home again?" This is the first time our mother and daughter have quarreled. "I didn't expect little Miss Zhou to be more capable than me!" "Qianzhi, that's enough." When I turned around, it was Fu Yuchen who was back, and he always appeared to save me at critical moments. I ran up the stairs, sat on the first step, and listened to what they had to say. "Qianzhi, you can't talk to children like this." "She was never like a child," the mother said angrily. "No matter what time she looked at me coldly, she was full of hatred!" "With a mother like you, maybe Cheng Yu's eyes will learn to shoot arrows one day." "Don't mock me, okay, Yu Chen, I did my best, why do you all let her father go and point the finger at me?" Fu Yuchen sighed, "Poor Chengyu." "What do you think of me? Selling meat to raise orphans?" "Qianzhi, what are you going to do?" "I'm getting married." "Married again?" Married again! I close my eyes tightly. "The other party doesn't know that I have a daughter." "Are you deciding to leave Cheng Yu behind?" Mother didn't answer. "Put her in Po Leung Kuk, but?" Mother said: "This is our family's business, why bother you to do justice for the sky." "You are not worthy to be her mother!" "I know that, you don't need to tell me." "She's only nine years old." "None of your business." "Qianzhi, I am willing to adopt her." I cover my face. "Ah." Mother was surprised, "You really care about her." "yes." "Will you handle this matter according to the formalities?" "I will." "That's why you paid for the plane ticket to call me back?" "yes." "That's good too," the mother breathed a sigh of relief, "That's great." "You have no strings attached?" "I may not be the one who sells my daughter. Don't think too badly of me. I have my sorrows. Fu Yuchen, what do you know? You are destined to be carefree since you were born, and now you have inherited hundreds of millions of property... ...I'm tired, let's talk about it tomorrow." "I'll take you to the hotel." "what?" "I don't want to see you." When the mother heard this, she laughed hahahaha, which was worse than crying, like a witch. "Mother Chen, ask the driver to take this lady out."