Section 1: Qingmu River and others I was seven years old when the story began. The town where I live is an ancient town, it has a nice name, Qingmu River.There is a small river in Qingmuhe Town that runs through the whole town, also called Qingmu River. I was playing by the Qingmu River that day. I picked up a long wooden stick to pick up an old homework that fell into the water. Ben, I don't know whose book it will be, but I'd love to see what's written all over it.The sun shone on my dirty white dress, and I saw Tong Xiaole rushing towards me from the other side of the river. As he approached, he panted heavily, stared at me, and said to me in a hoarse voice: "Xiao Saner, your mother died.

Then, he swung his hand back vigorously, pointing in the direction of my house.What I saw along his fingers was a patch of white sunlight, and I was so dizzy that I almost couldn't stand up. Then, Tong Xiaole took my hand and ran and ran. As soon as I reached the door of the house, I was severely slapped by my father.After a while, Tong Xiaole sneaked up to me and asked me, "Xiao San'er, does it hurt you?" "Do you think it hurts?!" I yelled back fiercely. "I have medicine." Tong Xiaole mysteriously took out a small red box, "I was beaten by my dad, so I use this. You try it, it's very effective. It doesn't hurt after rubbing it."

"It doesn't hurt." I pushed his hand away, "No need." "Don't be sad." Tong Xiaole said in a low voice. I turned my head to look at him, but he didn't look at me, he lowered his head and fiddled with a piece of grass by the wall. I don't seem to be sad at all. When I was seven years old, I was such a heartless child who didn't know pain. Not long after, I was sent to school. Some cadre came to my house and forced my dad to send me to school. I didn’t have a new schoolbag. I carried a weird black bag that my dad used to use. , the bag has not been used for many years, and it exudes an unpleasant rubber-like smell.On the first day of school, it was ripped off my shoulder by a senior boy and hung on a very high tree. I couldn't reach that tree, and neither could Tong Xiaole. I saw him doing it under the tree. Jumping again and again, trying to take off the schoolbag for me, but he couldn't.

Tong Xiaole is only a few days older than me, and he is already in the second grade.In this school, I have higher qualifications than me, but I was also bullied. Those senior boys folded their arms and watched Tong Xiaole jumping and laughing. There was a very fat boy who smiled and said: "Work hard, It's barely enough." Tong Xiaole's face had turned red from pain and excitement. I picked up a twig on the ground, the thick kind, I walked up to the fat boy, without saying a word, I slammed it on his face, he was screamed by me, covering his mouth Hold your face, the red marks on your face are clearly visible.

I continued to wave the branch in my hand crazily, and the boys ran away in fright. I turned around, pointed at the fat boy with the branch and said: You, go and get the schoolbag for me! The boy was obviously intimidated by me, forgetting that what I was holding was just a branch instead of a knife or a sword, he obediently took off the schoolbag and returned it to me, then ran away covering his face .Tong Xiaole kept staring at me with surprised eyes, as if looking at a stranger. After a long time, he let out a long breath and said to me: "Xiao San'er, I didn't expect you to be so fierce."

In fact, I have always been fierce to Tong Xiaole, just like he has always been kind to me. We have played since we were young, and Tong Xiaole's mother has always been very kind to me.After we went home that day, Tong Xiaole's mother bought me a new schoolbag. I clearly remember that the schoolbag cost ten yuan. I bought it in a small shop on the street. The owner of the small shop was ugly. Goatee, he said: "School bag is the best seller, ten yuan is very cheap." I carried my father's black bag in my hand and entered the house with a new schoolbag on my back.Dad, who was drinking at the dinner table, turned his head to look at me and asked me, "What's the matter with the schoolbag?"

I said, "Tong Xiaole's mother bought it for me." "what?" "Tong Xiaole's mother bought it for me." My voice dropped. As soon as he dragged me over, he gave me a savage beating: "I told you to ask for other people's things, I told you to ask for other people's things, you damn girl, you have completely lost our family's face... ..." I don't remember how long he beat me, but he must have been tired before he stopped.He continued to sit on the table to drink. I got up from the ground and saw that there was only a lonely plate of peanuts on the table.I felt my face was greasy and dirty, so I went to the faucet to wash my face, there was something red and the tap water slowly flowed into the white porcelain basin, I knew my nose was bleeding again, the blood flowed for a long time and didn’t stop It means stop, but I really don't feel the pain. The next day, I didn't go to school or eat.

At dusk, Teacher Qin came. She was in her twenties, with long braids, and she spoke very softly, in very standard Mandarin. Behind her was Tong Xiaole, who was far-fetched.Teacher Qin patted Tong Xiaole's head and said, "It's really hard to find here. Thanks to Xiaole for guiding me, otherwise I don't know how long I would have to look for it." Dad was the first to say: "Teacher, our third son is sick, and we will go to school tomorrow." "Be careful next time." Teacher Qin said with a smile, "I have to leave beforehand. If I recover, remember to come to school tomorrow!"

"Okay." I said.I grinned and sent her off with a very contrived smile that stiffened my face, but I held on for a long time. As soon as Teacher Qin left, my father went out the door. He didn't say anything, just left five yuan on the table for the first time, and pressed it with a bowl, the old banknotes with rough edges. "Go." I quickly pulled out the banknotes from under the bowl, and said to Tong Xiaole, "I'll treat you to some noodles." Tong Xiaole was unexpectedly silent. He silently came to the small noodle shop called "Wang Ji" with me on the other side of the street. The small noodle shop at dusk was lonely and lonely.I wolfed down a large bowl of braised beef noodles and drank the soup. When I looked up, I realized that Tong Xiaole's noodles hadn't moved at all.He just looked at me, looking at me with a gloomy and neurotic look in his eyes.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked him. "He hit you." Tong Xiaole said, staring at my face. "I'll eat if you're not hungry." I held his face in front of me with both hands.But at that moment, I heard myself belching loudly. This hiccup made me feel so ashamed, so I stood up and rushed out of the noodle shop. Tong Xiaole chased after me and shouted behind me: "Why didn't you tell the teacher that he hit you? Why! Do you know that? Even if you are a father, you can't beat people indiscriminately, if you beat too much, you may be arrested!"

"Are you finished?" I turned around and looked at Tong Xiaole and said, "You annoying guy, do you want him to be arrested, do you think I have nothing!" After shouting, I ran away. I sat by the Qingmu River until dark.In a very dark night, there is a very white and transparent cloud in the sky.The moon kept sliding around the clouds, as if seeking a kind of warmth. I don't have a moon. This moon belongs to many people, but not to me. Second Little Loft and Princess Dress Two months later, I was told that I had a new mother. It was a woman who was about forty years old, and she looked good, but her teeth were very yellow and she spoke very loudly. Her throat looked like it was made of broken drums. Later I learned that this woman was from a province, with a limp in one leg and deafness in the left ear. After the divorce, she was never married and had no children. She had a little savings, which my aunt introduced to my father. My dad married her with lightning speed. On the night they got married, I was beaten again because I clinked the bowl and chopsticks while eating. My father said that I was "uncultivated" and the chopsticks in his hand fell to the ground My body hit my neck with a "snap", and I fell from the chair to the ground in pain on the spot.The woman said: Tsk tsk tsk, what kind of beating, children need to be educated, so my dad has more fun playing. I didn't cry.I have not cried. Because I know that as long as I don't cry, I win. One morning, I didn't feel well when I got up, so I didn't have breakfast.They were going to the city to buy goods, and ordered me to watch the store at home and wash the clothes. There was a big basin for the clothes. The "loud voice" seduced me and said, "You wash at home, and then clean up the house. The store is good, the money should be counted, and when I come back, I will buy you a doll, which is beautiful." "I have to go to class." I said weakly, "otherwise the teacher will come." "It doesn't matter if you don't have a day!" Dad said, "When the teacher comes, you will pretend to be sick!" "No." I said. "I can do it if I say it!" My dad raised his fist. I still went out with my schoolbag on my back. He pulled me back and hit me on the head with a thick laundry stick. I was so knocked out that I stretched out my hand to grab his laundry stick. I didn't expect that I would resist again and again, so he grabbed my collar angrily and easily picked me up. He ignored my screams and carried me to the small attic. I heard With a "click", he locked the door of the small attic with an iron lock.Then I heard him yelling: "Go to the school of your son of a bitch, I can't tell you to do something, what's the use of raising you!" Section 3: Only the moon that does not belong to me My head was so painful from his beating, I just wanted to sleep, so I said to myself, it’s okay, just sleep like this for a while, that’s okay. What I didn't expect was that I was locked up all day and at night, I developed a fever and was dizzy from hunger.During this period, I heard Tong Xiaole knocking on the door several times, but I didn't have the strength to answer him.I stuck my head out of the little attic window for a breath of fresh air, my whole body was hot and I couldn't make any sound from my throat. I wished he could come around and take a look, but he never did. I pricked up my ears, but I never heard them coming back. Because I was hungry, I began to feel cold, and because of the cold, I began to feel afraid. Because of fear, my fever was getting worse and worse. Go to the cool Qingmu River to take a breath, I hope someone will take me out, but, no. Nothing at all. Only the moon that does not belong to me shines uselessly far away in the sky. When I woke up again, I was in the county hospital. It was the first time I went to the county seat when I grew up. I saw a tall gray building through the window of the ward, and when I turned my head, I saw Tong Xiaole's mother. "Okay." Tong Xiaole's mother touched my face lovingly and said, "Little San'er, if you survive a catastrophe, you will have future blessings." "What's wrong with me?" I asked her. "You are sick, your parents went out to buy goods, delayed the time, and came home early the next morning, and found that you had passed out from fever, acute pneumonia, the doctor in the town said it could not be cured, thanks to Teacher Qin Insist on sending him to the county hospital..." She said while wiping tears. I recovered quickly from my illness, and I was back in town, back to the home I never wanted to go back to but had to.I looked at those two people and acted cautiously. I had to wash a large basin of clothes and all the dishes every day. When they were playing mahjong, I held a Chinese book and waited for others to make soy sauce or buy bags. Smoke, I still wear my old clothes walking through the dilapidated campus.I don't have any good friends. Every day when I go to and from school, only Tong Xiaole will follow me and tell me some not-so-funny jokes.Just when I couldn't feel the meaning of life, something suddenly happened that I never thought would happen. everything comes out of nowhere It was after school that day. All the girls in our first and second grades were driven to the school playground to line up. The principal led several people to stand on the stage and point. Those people had never been seen in school before, and they were dressed in exaggerated Clothes with a lot of pockets, and someone walking around carrying a big camera-like thing (I later learned that it was called a video camera).The principal looked very serious, while Teacher Qin looked very relaxed. She patted the shoulder of a girl in front of me and said: "The big director is here to cast a role, choose a small actor, and act in a movie!"You all have to perform well, and if you are selected, you will also give our school a good face! The girls were so excited.twitter twitter twitter on and on.I looked at my fingers in a daze, then looked at the sky after I finished reading my fingers, and then looked at a corner of the teaching building after watching the sky. The sun made me dizzy, and I only hoped that all this would end soon.At this moment, someone suddenly pushed me to the front. Before I could react, a man with a big beard in front of me nodded and said, "It's her." "Her?" said the principal. "Her." The bearded man said affirmatively. After finishing speaking, the bearded man squatted down in front of me and asked me, "Do you want to make a movie?" Without thinking about it, I said, "No." The bearded man slapped his thigh and said, "That's the expression, that's the feeling, it's amazing!" I was so confused by him that I had no direction at all.I couldn't help but turned to Teacher Qin and asked, "What are they going to do?" "Stupid child." Teacher Qin said to me in a low voice, "This is the most famous director in the country. We are here to film in Qingmuhe. We need a young actor in the film. I chose you. How happy I am!" "I can't act." I said. "If the director says you can do it, you can do it!" Teacher Qin said firmly, "This is the most famous director in the country." As a result, I couldn't go home that day, and a big sister took me to the most famous hotel in Qingmuhe, which was a three-star hotel, the food was delicious, and the bed was so soft that you would feel sleepy as soon as you touched it.Just when I was about to fall asleep, a middle-aged woman came, carrying a big bag, and told me that her surname was Li, she was an assistant to the director, she was in charge of talking about the play with me, and she lived in the same room as me.I didn't understand what "talking drama" was at the time. Although I was very tired, I had to listen to her with my eyelids open after eating their meals and sleeping in their bed.She took out a thick book from her bag, and began to tell me a story while shaking the book: "A famous musician in the country left the stage he loved the most because of the misfortune of his marriage. My daughter with autism came to live in the country." Verse 4: Playing the Musician's Daughter At this point, she stopped, looked at me and said, "You are going to play this musician's daughter." "What is autism?" I asked. She thought for a while and said, "Just don't speak, and live in your own world." "Oh." I said. "I'll keep talking, you listen carefully." She shook her notebook and continued, "Later, a beautiful rural teacher appeared in their lives, she brought laughter to the lives of the father and daughter, and the daughter's illness Finally healed, the musician regained his courage and returned to the stage he loved in the capital. His performance after his comeback was very successful, but at this time, news came that the rural teacher was terminally ill... In this play Here, although you don’t have any lines, you are a very important character, a link between musicians and rural teachers, especially..." When she was talking here, she suddenly stopped, because there was a very noisy sound outside the hotel, we stood up together and went to the window to look, and found that it was terrible, the hotel was full of people.A lot of security guards kept stopping and stopping, and even police cars drove over. "What's wrong?" I asked scaredly. "Aren't they all Ye Mei?" Teacher Li said with a sigh, "She looks like this wherever she goes." "Who is Ye Mei?" I asked. "Don't you watch movies?" Teacher Li looked at me strangely and said, "Or, watch TV?" I shake my head. "She is the most popular star now." Teacher Li said, "In this play, she plays the role of a rural female teacher. You are very lucky to call her mother in the end." After breakfast the next day, Teacher Li took me to a temporary dressing room. Ye Mei had already put on her makeup and was sitting on a high chair. She was wearing very ordinary village teacher clothes, but she Her face can only be described in four words: radiant. I have never seen such a beautiful woman, looking at her a little silly. "Hi." She greeted me while sitting on a high chair, "Are you Lanlan? We met last night." "My name is not Lanlan." I said. "In this drama, your name is Lanlan, so from today onwards you have to be called Lanlan." Ye Mei jumped off the chair, patted my head and said, "Quickly, call me Teacher Tao, I will be called you from today onwards." Let's call Teacher Tao." She has such a charming smile. I shouted in a daze, "Teacher Tao." "You still want to call me Dad." A thick male voice suddenly sounded from beside me, I turned my head and saw a middle-aged man, he was also good-looking, clean and handsome, looking at me with a smile.I later found out that his surname was Cheng, and his name was Cheng Fan. Like Ye Mei, tens of thousands of people across the country knew about them. I fell in love with this kind of life in the first three days of filming. Ye Mei and the others kept shouting that they were tired, but I was not tired at all.Because I don't need to speak in the play, I was led by "Dad" to get off the train, looking for a house, looking for a school, sitting by the window and listening to "Dad" playing the violin, without saying a word.The director told me that all you need to do is act with your eyes and heart. Children with autism cannot speak. There was a scene where I lost my way. I kept running by the Qingmu River, and then hid in the grass. "Father", "Teacher Tao" and "Villagers" came to find me together, calling my name desperately name.In that scene, I saw my real father and stepmother with a "loud voice". Son, little San..." I heard the director scold them, saying: "It's Lanlan, not Xiaosaner!" They had such humble smiles as I had never seen before. I squatted in the grass, and my feet started to feel numb gradually. I looked at the Qingmu River, which I had always been very familiar with, and suddenly became confused. The mistress who grew up in this poor and cramped land? This intertwined fantasy suffocated me, so I passed out as I thought about it. The director originally wanted to make me faint, but I really passed out. In that scene, the director said that I "acted" very realistically. I recovered, but Ye Mei fell ill. That afternoon, Ye Mei sat up and asked me to comb her hair. At this moment, Teacher Li opened the door and called me: "Lanlan, you have a classmate looking for you." "Let him in." Ye Mei said. After a long time, Tong Xiaole came in dawdly. After looking at me for a long time, he said: "You are so beautifully dressed, I don't even recognize you." I haven't seen Tong Xiaole for many days, he seems to have grown a little bit taller, with the strap of his schoolbag stretched out, he slung his back, pretending to be handsome. "A classmate?" Ye Mei asked me. "No, we are neighbors, and I am one grade higher than her." Tong Xiaole rushed to answer. Verse 5: My only line in the whole play "That's my childhood sweetheart." Tong Xiaole's face suddenly turned red like a tomato.Then he pulled me and said, "Get out, I have something to say." Tong Xiaole rubbed his shoes on the carpet of the hotel for a long time before returning to me and saying: "Xiao San'er, what do you think is the most beautiful thing about our Qingmu River? "Our old houses." "no." "That's Phoenix Mountain in the eastern suburbs? "Neither." "What was that, I can't tell." "It's you." After Tong Xiaole said these inexplicable words, he hurriedly left with his long schoolbag on his back. off I haven't been home for many days. summer is here. That day was the last play. At ten o'clock in the night, the special car sent me and "Dad" straight to the hospital. Ye Mei had already put on makeup and was lying on the hospital bed. "Teacher Tao" was about to die. Her face was pale, watching me and "Dad" arrive , the eyes immediately glowed.Cheng Fan's "father" played the violin for her at her request. Amid the beautiful strings, she smiled and slowly closed her eyes. I threw myself on her bedside, crying and shouting desperately: "Mom! ,Mommy mommy!" It's the only line I have in the whole play. Both Ye Mei and Cheng Fan's father acted very well, they deeply affected me, and made me completely forget that I was filming, I suddenly remembered the day my mother left, I didn't call her, I even called her Without being able to see her for the last time, she left forever in such a hurry.I rushed to the bedside of "Teacher Tao", and under the surprised eyes of Cheng Fan's father, I called out to my mother with all my strength, and almost shed all my tears.I grabbed her sleeve with one hand and patted her face with the other. I was too deep into the scene, and I was afraid that she would really leave. Ye Mei opened her eyes for a moment, then closed them again with a gratified smile on her face. Cheng Fan's father was also in tears. He hugged me tightly from behind, and tears flowed down my neck. The director said excitedly: "CUT." At this moment, the door of the hospital was suddenly pushed open. I wiped away my tears and saw Tong Xiaole. Tong Xiaole was sweating from running. He swung his hand back forcefully, panting heavily. , staring at me, said hoarsely to me: "Xiao San'er, your house, your house is on fire!" I pushed everyone away and ran out of the hospital. The hospital was not too far from my home. Within five minutes of running out, I saw the raging fire and the whining sound of the fire engine.The flames lit up half the sky, and almost everyone in the town came out. I just felt that my legs were weak and I couldn't take a step. I finally ran close, but someone grabbed me and refused to let me approach.Tong Xiaole also ran close, Ye Mei, Cheng Fan's father, Teacher Li, the director, etc. all came. Ye Mei hugged me, who was trembling all over, and pressed my head into her arms. I don't know how long it took before the fire finally extinguished slowly, and I squeezed my way to the ruins. I saw someone coming out carrying something, and Cheng Fan's father who was following me covered my face. Eye. That fire burned down my home and several neighbors.This was the largest fire in the history of Qingmuhe Township. Three people were killed and six people were injured.In addition to being tragic, it also involves some details that are enough to give people a rich imagination, so for the people of Qingmuhe Town, they still talk about it with fondness or have lingering fears after many years. Among the three people who died, apart from a neighbor who was an old woman in her seventies, they were my father and "Big Voice". I kept calling her "Big Loud" in my heart. I didn't find out her name until she died. Many years later, Tong Xiaole told me: "The person who set the fire was caught, and I went to hear the trial. Do you want to know what sentence they were finally sentenced?" I shake my head. These are not important to me anymore, because Qingmuhe has become a thing of the past, and Xiaosan'er has become a thing of the past.Those pasts have long been wiped out with time without leaving any traces.As long as you don't deliberately think about it, it's like it never happened.