Chapter 5 Part five

48 As for what love is, I didn't know at all at that time, I just thought that this person was fresh and lovely, the fluff on his thin neck glistened in the sun, his black hair flowed down one by one, his skin was fair, and his eyes were black and white , the arms are thin and long, the toes are bowed, the legs are shaking constantly, the head is turning around, and the corners of the mouth are stretched to the sides when smiling, revealing two rows of small yellow teeth.For some reason, Tan Xiaoyan and I sat for a long time without reciting words. We watched tourists walking around together; a couple passed us with a child, and the child was aiming around with a water gun. A little girl wanted to I asked her mother to take her to the zoo. An old man was walking forward supported by his family. Several foreigners asked us to take pictures of them. I held the camera and saw them working hard one by one under the background of the lake and mountains. I was happy, so I took a picture at their feet, and they thanked me before leaving.

Originally, when Tan Xiaoyan and I were together, we talked a lot with each other, such as exams, ball games, movies, in short, it seemed that we had endless things to talk about together, but the strange thing is that we hardly said anything that day, and we were dumbfounded. Sitting, as if we made some mistakes. As for the mistakes we made, we all tacitly confessed. I was a little worried, afraid of what the students would think if they found out that we were not there, but the students were divided into two groups. Maybe you know which group we two go to play with?Even if they communicated with each other the next day and knew that we didn't go either way, how would they know it was the two of us together?

I said to Tan Xiaoyan: "Let's go, let's find a place to eat." She followed me to the lake, and we walked half a circle around the lake, climbed up a hill to the north of Zizhuyuan, and got into the bushes. A couple of lovers were falling in love every ten steps, my heart was pounding, and I thought Tan Xiaoyan was the same. Finally, I found a place with no people near and far, and sat down. It was a slope, and Tan Xiaoyan laid a bed on the grass. I took out an old "People's Daily" and put the things I ate on it—two cans of Coke, a bag of biscuits, a bag of pistachios, a bag of dried apricots, a bag of beef jerky, and a bag of fried potato chips. I only found a bottle of beer and a piece of bread. These things together filled up the newspaper. I sat next to her and watched her handle everything. The sound of music played from the loudspeaker of the playground in the park, the grass in the ground is green and yellow, and the leaves of the surrounding bushes have not yet fallen off, the sky is so blue, and a wisp of cloud is slowly passing by like a white boat , there are two wild chrysanthemums not far from me. I leaned over and picked them off. The petals were a little withered, but they were still pretty. I gave it to Tan Xiaoyan. She hesitated, caught it, and looked at it in her hand. I saw that I was not hungry when I threw it in the middle of the newspaper, but for some reason, I ate it. Tan Xiaoyan also ate with me, and the two of us were in a race. The residue was rolled up and thrown aside, and between us was a blank space left by the original newspaper.I moved a little closer to Tan Xiaoyan, and started to say some insignificant words. The strange thing was that the atmosphere was very unnatural. Tan Xiaoyan’s words to cater to my topic were just right, so I moved a little closer to her. Well, we almost bumped into each other. A pair of young men and women came out from the bushes not far away. The man bent over and took the woman's hand to explore the way ahead. The old-style small bag was hanging back and forth twenty centimeters above the ground. They disappeared quickly like guerrillas. We both watched the bushes that were still shaking after they left. The sun was hanging in the sky, shining on my profile , I turned my face and saw her eyes, she immediately lowered her head, grabbed the grass on the ground with her right hand, pulled it off and put it back, but her body was leaning towards me, I smelled the apples on her head The sour and sweet smell of shampoo, her hair suddenly rubbed against my face in the moment when she pulled the grass, I felt a little itchy, this feeling spread along my face to all parts of my body, My right hand, which was propped on the ground, shook for some reason, and our faces touched together. A warm scent of bubble gum came out from the corner of her mouth, and the corners of our mouths stuck together. I stretched out my hand to hug her. Shoulders, her shoulders were a little stiff, and even trembled a bit, she flinched, and slid into my arms, I hugged her, her eyes were closed, the shadows of the long eyelashes were clearly displayed under the eyes, the small pointed nose Breathing nervously, I pressed my face against hers, and she kissed me. At first, she closed her mouth, and my lips kept touching her yellow teeth. Soon, her little tongue was behind the teeth. I stuck it out, and to my surprise, there was a piece of bubble gum on the tip of my tongue.She stretched out her hand, grabbed mine, and held it tightly until both of our palms were sweating, and her body had become soft at this moment, we hugged each other without saying a word, I Feeling how supple she was, for a long time, she opened her eyes, gave me a look in disbelief, then closed them immediately, and our faces were so close that I could clearly see her face. Tiny fluff, my hand was close to her breast but I didn't dare to touch it, we hugged her for a long time, I don't know how long, anyway, when we started to separate, it was already completely dark.

As we walked back, she held me tightly by the arm, and we were a little flustered, and we were about to walk out of the park when we suddenly realized that our bags had been left there.We got our bags back, and then we started chatting without knowing it. At stop 332, buses pulled in and left in front of us. We stayed where we were. We talked a lot, and she brought up The strange question disturbed my mind. She asked me: "What if I am pregnant?" I asked her: "How do you know that you will be pregnant?" Then, she told the truth and told me that she knew that two people would get pregnant if they kissed together. My sexual knowledge at that time was enough to explain her inability to conceive, but my poor knowledge was just hearsay, and there was nothing definite about it. I am sure, and there are no practical examples, so I have to tell her in general that if she really wants to conceive, there is still one step missing, the only way is to kiss first and then play hooligans, both of which are indispensable.She nodded thoughtfully at the time, and I thought she understood, but two days later, when we were dating alone after class, she asked me to tell her what it means to be a hooligan, "Is it—" her eyes Slipping to my small breasts, I shook my head, she felt confused, I didn't want to tell her, but I was not sure, and after a few days, when I touched her breasts, she didn't know what to do. One of the sisters from the school made out the meaning expressed by the three words hooliganism, and suddenly said to me: "I know what hooliganism is."

49 Since Tan Xiaoyan got mixed up with me, her academic performance was even worse, but she was not so serious, and she was a bit self-defeating. Once, she told me very sincerely that she was a stupid girl, and I told her, I knew this a long time ago La.This aroused her enthusiasm for learning. After school, we escaped the training of the sports school and fled to Xuanwu Park. She insisted on reading when it was dark. I don’t know how I kissed her while touching her breasts. She could read it in, but she was really looking at it carefully and turning the page.After dark, we would test each other. The scene must have been ridiculous. The two hugged each other. From a distance, they thought they were talking about something important, but when they got closer, they were asking and answering. "Fox?" "FOX--FOX", "Water?" "WATER-WATER", just like spies pairing secret signals.

50 In this way, we have been together for half a year, we were extremely nervous, and we had to pretend we didn’t know each other at school, which was really a test for us. At that time, Tan Xiaoyan secretly thought that she had turned bad, and put the blame on me , I was worried, for fear that someone would find out when I went out. In the second half of the second half of the third year of junior high school, there were fast and slow classes. I was assigned to the fast class, and Tan Xiaoyan was assigned to the middle class. A guy from the football team fell in love with Tan Xiaoyan, and went to the school gate to block her every day, so I asked my buddies from the wrestling class to help beat the grandson. One punishment, I was almost expelled, in short, I behaved ugly, and in the end, our parents personally went out to pick us up and drop us off every day, and the sports school was not allowed to go. Reasonable, after receiving my own children, we walked away, we two avoided each other, when I saw her, my heart sank, and I took my body and left.In short, everything turned into smoke, and we tried every means to meet once.I almost took her away, but in fact, I did. I took bus 332 to the Summer Palace and sat back, because at the critical moment, Tan Xiaoyan cried in fright, so there was no more text. After the high school exams, we each went to the I went to different schools and never met again. When I entered high school, I fell in love with Xiang Xiaopiao again, so I didn't even have time to think about her, and I don't know how she is now.

51 It’s just that once, when I was in my third year of high school, I went home from a date with Xiang Xiaopiao and passed by Tan Xiaoyan’s house. When I arrived at the hut where she lived, the light was still on, still in that orange color, and the curtains were changed from the original floral curtains to light green. I wanted to smoke a cigarette downstairs and leave, but for some reason I did. In the third branch, I told Xiang Xiaopiao about Tan Xiaoyan and everything, but I didn't tell about this matter. I told Xiang Xiaopiao, "Later, their family moved out." 52 The walls of our school’s men’s toilets are often painted with some strange things, such as obscene words, female genitalia, etc., and they will be wiped off by the cleaners soon, but the troublemakers still enjoy it, so, then The walls are always messy, which is one of the characteristics that distinguish universities from middle schools.When I went in, I met Li Wei squatting there to defecate, staring at the wall in front of him. Today, the painting on the wall is two big breasts. To be honest, the painting is not very good, but the bottom of Li Wei is still When he saw me looking there, he became furious and yelled at me: "What are you looking at, don't get out!" Before he finished speaking, a piece of shit fell into the pit with a "plop", and I ran away laughing. opened.What surprised me was that Li Wei actually called me to stop, and his voice became more and more urgent. I thought he didn't bring paper. In order to prevent him from being degraded to the point of imitating primitive people, I kindly turned back, but he squatted there. He told me proudly: "Director Wang from the Basic Department came to see you, and he went to our class just now", and added gloatingly, "I'm here to tell you this unfortunate news, and I'm deeply sorry..." A piece of shit fell in response to the sound, as if deliberately to enhance the language effect.

53 Nothing good will come to Director Wang looking for me. I walked out of the toilet in a panic, stood in the corridor for a while, spit out a piece of cigarette butt in my mouth, and went straight to the basic department.I walked to the door on the second floor with the words "Basic Department" and stopped. First, I checked whether the buttons on the clothes were fastened. I know that Director Wang is very concerned about this kind of thing. I remember one time when I entered the school gate in the morning. , He called me to the gate of the reception room, without saying a word, he fastened the two buttons on my chest that were open on my chest. I tried to explain the hot weather, but he patted my head and told me to go.He has a pair of phoenix eyes, the kind with the tip of the eyes protruding upwards. His eyes are soft, and he has always looked affectionate all his life. Although he is over 50 years old now, he still looks like a man. I don’t know when he was young. How many girls' hearts have been touched by the pair of handsome eyes, now she is old, her hair is gray, her teeth are incomplete, and there are wrinkles on her face, the color is like the wall of an alley toilet, but her eyes are still rippling, making a man feel as if his mouth suddenly flies when he sees it. When a fly enters, the woman shudders when she sees it. This is the kind of person I want to meet.I knocked on the door and there was a "Come in" from inside.

I opened the door and walked in. Director Wang raised his head from a pile of files and warmly greeted me to sit down. A chair was pulled across and sat down. The two of us were silent for a moment. Director Wang kept flipping through a few pieces of paper with his hands, while I sat on the chair until it creaked. Finally, he said, "Zhou Wen, Right, Zhou Wen." "I'm Zhou Wen." "How many classes have you missed this semester?" "I can't remember." "how could be?" "I don't know." "Really?" "really do not know."

"So, this is the attendance sheet of your class, how many sections do you count?" Director Wang picked out the attendance sheet from a stack of papers and handed it over.I took it in my hand, counted it, and gave it back to him: "More than fifty knots." "The school rules stipulate that what should be done if you are absent from class for 50 periods?" "Fired." The two of us fell into silence. For a while, the room was so quiet that we could even hear the sound of sweat coming out of the pores. On the ceiling, a small insect lay motionless. I looked carefully and recognized it as a smelly lady.I stared at that little thing for a long time, wishing it would fly down and fly into Director Wang's half-closed mouth, so that he would stop saying the following words.

Fortunately, Director Wang didn't say the following words, we didn't say a word, Director Wang flipped through the files, I stared at the smelly big sister, concentrated my mind, and wanted it to fulfill my little wish, but that guy seemed to be sleeping. caught. The phone rang, Director Wang picked up the phone and said a few words in a hurry, and then said to me: "Think about it, I'll be back in a while." After finishing speaking, he walked out. I took out a box of Dubao from my pocket, walked to the window, opened the curtains, let the afternoon sun shine in, then lit a cigarette and smoked. The playground outside the window was empty and broken; the paint on the basketball hoop was peeling off , the cracks between the boards are clearly visible, a small section of the ball net hangs in mid-air like a spider web that people go to the empty building, and the grass outside the stadium is piece by piece here and there. Standing beside the lawn, it stands in stark contrast to a row of healthy young trees. Further forward, there is a brick-red wall of the school, surrounded by a circle of rusty barbed wire. Its purpose is unknown.Outside the wall is a small piece of poplar forest, the kind of poplar, with straight trunks and dazzling green leaves, huddled together in clusters.Burning to the sky like a green flame, it is truly spectacular.I looked away, took several neatly folded copies of "China Youth Daily" from the side of Director Wang's desk, and read them line by line. When Director Wang came back, I was reading the newspaper and was fascinated. He deliberately left the table and asked for a passage, brushed past me, sat across from me, and looked at me with a smile: "How about it, what do you think?" How's it going?" I put the newspaper back and said, "Think about it." "Oh? Talk?" "About what?" Director Wang's smile suddenly subsided: "Didn't you think it over?" "What are you thinking?" "Why are you still asking me?" "I……" "What are you doing after I've been away for so long?" "Waiting for you." "Oh." Director Wang frowned: "Well, to make a long story short, let me tell you the school's decision, it's like this, you are on the edge of a cliff now, if you push you, you will fall, if you pull you , you came up, of course, the school will not push you, considering that you have just entered college, there must be a process of adaptation, so the school decided to give you a demerit, what do you think?" "Ok." I didn't really listen to what Director Wang said later.But I know he must have said a lot, because I am tired from sitting. But he still went on and on, he talked on and on, and I let him talk, talking without saying a word, keeping my eyes on my toes. "Why do you keep saying um?" Director Wang's voice suddenly rose. "Yeah." I nodded again, this time it was bad, director Wang came over, and I was half awake immediately. "Why are you absent from class?" I had no choice but to answer truthfully: "I don't understand." "Why don't you understand?" "Because I didn't understand before?" "Why didn't you understand before?" This way of asking questions made me dumbfounded, so I had no choice but to answer what the teacher wanted to know, otherwise he would not let me go. "Because I didn't even hear..." An unusually excited expression suddenly appeared on Director Wang's face: "Ah! If you didn't listen, I knew you didn't!" Then, his tone became severe again. "But why don't you listen?" "Because I don't understand." "Why don't you understand?" "Because I didn't listen." The two of us looked at each other helplessly, the questions and answers confused us, and neither of us knew what was going on.Director Wang took out a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the sweat off his brow, stared at me for a while, then suddenly slapped the table, and his eyes fell on my face again: "Zhou Wen, listen up." I concentrated hard and pricked up my ears. "Let me ask you, why don't you attend the class because you don't understand?" Director Wang lay back, with a smug smile on his face, he let out a long breath, and then pretended not to look at me, meaning, look, I'm stumped now!In fact, I've noticed it a long time ago, the tip of his eye would look at me from time to time, like a big flying eye, which made me feel dizzy and sick to death.I think it would be great if my Chinese teacher in high school was here. He is an authority on grammar. Once, he asked us a question like this on the blackboard: "The lights in the whole building are all dark, only one It’s still on.” Then he asked me to get up and answered right or wrong, and I honestly told him that it was a wrong sentence, and he taught me a lesson, and then told me that it was called “contrast”.Thinking of the Chinese teacher, I couldn't help but have an idea, so I lowered my head and muttered in a low voice: "Contrast." "What did you say?" I looked up and said it again aloud: "Contrast!" 54 After I received two punishments in my freshman year, I felt very depressed. It was in the summer of 1988. The heat wave hit me in that summer. The best summer drink has also become a topic of discussion for our "Wild Children" band all day long. We act every night, wandering around the nearby melon stalls, taking advantage of the deep sleep of the melon watchers in the middle of the night, and stealing it immediately, so Everyone is depressed during the day. Alai and I got on better and better that summer, we fucked almost all day at times, my knees and toes were worn out by the mat many times, and sometimes, we.We just lay naked on the bed, blowing on the electric fan for several hours. Sometimes we slept with our heads covered during the day and woke up at dusk. Alai sat up, rubbed his sleepy eyes, scratched his hair, picked up and kicked the The dropped towel was covered, and then pushed me to wake me up, pointed to the sky outside, and said to me: "Look, it's cloudy. It's going to rain." In fact, she was wrong, it was just dark. 55 Alai's skin was tanned in that summer, his hair was cut short, his pupils were pitch black, and he didn't wear a bra. When we went out with me, he always wore a round-neck T-shirt and a pair of white trousers.She has two hairpins, one is white and the other is green. She uses them in rotation and is very cute. Sometimes she takes the elevator downstairs like a gust of wind and buys a dozen small bean popsicles to hug and eat with me. So, I often I heard her yelling outside my door: "Open the door, popsicles are coming!" 56 Allie loved to kiss me that summer, sometimes for no apparent reason, which, she told me, meant she would love me forever, forever. 57 Alai is very smart, she has no fear of facing the final exam, never revises her homework, skips more classes than me, and I have never heard of anyone looking for her, as long as she is not asleep, she is smiling at me Walking around, busy, with an attitude of never being separated from me, the kitchen was remodeled by her humming Paul Simon's "The Sound of Silence", and all the things that were not convenient were replaced by I bought new gadgets from the free market and bargained with small vendors for a price. The pots and pans for cooking were wiped clean, and the chopsticks that were scattered in the cupboard were put into the chopstick holder. She put three ashtrays in her bed, one next to the pillow, one on the desk, and one in the toilet. She also dug out my pair of dumbbells from under the bed and ordered me to do them a few times a day to deal with excessive indulgence.The water heater in the toilet has been tamed by her, and the water temperature is no longer hot and cold.Two bottles of cleaning agent were neatly stacked above the water tank, all the screens were wiped, the glass was wiped, the curtains were removed by her, washed, and then hung up again, and the books on the bookshelves were also rearranged, so that books of the same kind were put together , she brought some things from home, desk lamp, pen holder, towel, cup for brushing teeth, single player with earphone, four or five combs, Venabo shampoo, Lux soap, a cookbook of home cooking, her clothes, her Books, her favorite star on the wall, a record player that can play 33 and 45 RPM records brought back by her father from a business trip to the Soviet Union, the speaker is heavy and strong, can be used as a stool, a stack of colorful The plastic records and a lot of tapes are all TDK. The songs and English in them are borrowed and recorded from her classmates. She uses the 777 dual-card recorder in their family. She shuttles back and forth like ants moving house In their home school and my place, the goal of each exercise is very clear, and we never lose sight of it, and we don’t go wrong. In short, one day, we sat on the ground and listened to Paul Simon’s "St. Carboro Market", while drinking tea and chatting, her eyes scanned the whole room, she suddenly nodded with satisfaction and said, "Okay." Following her gaze, this room has indeed changed after she tidied it up, like a home. 58 A Cai is really familiar with this new home. No matter what, she can tell the source casually, and she can never make a mistake. In comparison, I am like an outsider. Moreover, I never seem to be short of anything. With their coordinates, no matter how they are moved, they will always return to their original places. Needless to say, it was Alai who did it.I never had trouble finding toilet paper, cutting out cigarettes in the middle of the night, or anything like that.There is always some food in the refrigerator, and the band members dare not come here, saying that the place is too clean and unbearable. Alai said that they are ashamed of themselves. In fact, it may be the case. Every time Huayang Liuxin and the others come, It's like being ransacked here. Besides, I don't usually rehearse with them very much. I write songs and hand them over. It's none of my business whether they practice or not. In short, Alai and I hid in 1207 , living in isolation, out of the world, single-minded, even if the world is turned upside down, we will turn a blind eye and remain unmoved.