Chapter 31 "Light of the Earth" She is not Nepalese

She is not Nepalese (1) 9 She is not from Nepal, and she is not a matchmaker. She has no dowry, but she is pregnant with a child, and she is despised by her family.The step of going to the bride is omitted, and the format of the wedding is somewhat different from the traditional one. On the day of the wedding, she was wrapped in a heavy red dress, covered her face with heavy makeup, and sat beside the banquet in the yard under the scorching sun. In front of the eyes are the cheerful smiling faces and singing and dancing of the people who come to ask for a cup of soup, and in the ears are unfamiliar languages. Between the toasts and cups, the voices are noisy and noisy, converging into waves, rushing into the ear canal, and the eardrum vibrates violently, buzzing , a headache.The heat waves are wrapped in bursts, and the festive red and yellow colors are flamboyant, frivolous and dazzling in a certain ironic gesture.At a certain moment, she felt as if she was going to pass out from exhaustion, and her eyes went black for a moment.She closed it tightly for a while, and when she opened it again, she saw that Canaan was too drunk to speak clearly, still surrounded by a group of people drinking and yelling.I don't know why, maybe it's because these days are not going well, there is an anxious cry behind his voice, almost as presumptuous as crying.

She heard and witnessed this scene of celebration, but suffered a lot from the hallucinations.There is infinite silence in my heart.Feeling stuck in the mud with no rescue. So she married this man. That night, Canaan hadn't sobered up yet, and completely forgot that Kassan was pregnant, so she crawled onto the bed and wanted to have sex with her.He said something vaguely, took off his clothes on the bed, and reached out to tease her.With a disgusting smell of alcohol, he was rude and dissolute. Kassan was ashamed and instinctively blocked and pushed.Canaan sulked and cursed, and beat her hard and hard, just like a prostitute.Kassan felt only a surge of resentment.It's not that she didn't have a violent temper in her bones, she couldn't bear it, and immediately kicked him away.

Nepalese women have always worked hard, but when she kicked her like this, the alcohol in Canaan's blood seemed to be ignited, and she immediately became furious, cursed fiercely, got up, slapped her, and kicked her on the back.Insignificant, insane. She dodged with her stomach protected, not caring about the thick nosebleeds on her face.Feeling that she would be beaten to death by this man, she couldn't help screaming tragically.The sound is terrifying and desperate, like a nightmare.Her call for help called several people, who ran into the room and pulled Canaan away.The man was unconscious when he was pulled away, cursing viciously.

She curled up there and cried loudly, her voice was shrill, but no one was on her side to comfort her.When such a thing happened on the wedding night, everyone just frowned, feeling ominous.Only Canaan's mother walked over and hugged her, coaxed her somewhat harshly, and covered her mouth to stop crying. After the incident, everyone dispersed.Canaan was also taken away.The last person to leave turned off the lights and closed the door.The darkness was lightly covered again like a blanket.The old city outside the window is pitch black, while the new city has neon lights flashing faintly, but it is still not as clear and clear as the flashing stars in the sky.Quiet to the end.

She lay down wearily, still burning.This kind of burning pain can go deep into the heart and memory uncontrollably, but soon people will unconsciously develop numb antibodies.No more feeling. She fell asleep drowsily in endless savage exhaustion. She was beaten up by her drunken husband when she was newlyweds, spent a bleak night in the room of the birth, and then went back to the hotel the next day to continue her chores.When she saw Canaan again, it was already three days later. Canaan came to see her in the hotel, and when the two met, their faces were cold.Canaan said, I have something to go.You just stay here and work hard.His tone was flat and expressionless.No apology at all.

Kassan was also expressionless.She just said, give me some change.I've worked for you for so long, so give me a tip anyway. What do you do with your money. I can't be so big and penniless, can I?All I need is an allowance of one thousand rupees. Canaan turned his face to one side, impatiently.He still had a cigarette in his mouth, gritted his teeth, counted out the banknotes a little irritably, and handed them to her.Without further words, he turned and left. I don't know if he was so sloppy that he ignored it, or it was a deliberate arrangement.Until now, Canaan has not taken her to the immigration office to register her marriage.Their false marriage was concealed in the lively and festive scenes.

She stared fixedly at Canaan's back.Clutching a few flimsy banknotes in his hands, he knew that there was no hope in his heart at this time.She decided to wait until the child was born, then take him away.It was the only way out she could still see. 10 During those muddy and difficult days, she still stayed in the hotel and continued to work.It is the same hard work, but people gradually get used to it and become numb.There are fewer and fewer words, except for a few words when receiving customers, and almost no openings throughout the day.Silently busy with the work at hand, sweating like rain, my mind is already empty and heavy.

She has to persevere and work hard to conceive, alone, to give herself a continuation of life, including the child in her womb. The rainy season was extremely long that year.Flooding is very serious, and diseases and epidemics are prevalent.There are fewer tourists.The business is no longer busy, and gradually some free time can calm down.Many nights, it rained all night long, and the sound was crystal clear.Amidst the mist, one can see temples standing silently in the rain, looking silent and dignified, as if they are nostalgic in the dream of history and cannot extricate themselves.When I woke up in the morning, the eaves were still dripping with water, and the ancient black wood carvings exuded a thick and decaying moisture.His eyelashes and eyes seemed to be stained with tears, and his expression was sad.

Occasionally, when I get free time, I sit on a stool by the door and watch the market in front of me.When you look up, you can see the outline of a few temple canopies jumping out of the layers of old houses.Maybe it was the palace again. She never knew the names of those temples, the names of the gods, including the names of the streets and districts.She doesn't know everything about Kathmandu.I have never been out of Kathmandu.The poorer and backward the country, the more it can only rely on religious conjectures and liberation.Facing those illusory beliefs about happiness produced by pain, she will fall into boundless reverie and memory.Then Shen Xiang's body suddenly pulled himself back in front of him.

No one who passed by in a hurry along the narrow street would glance at the pregnant woman sitting on the stool at the door.She was even more skeletal because of the exhaustion of hard work, only her abdomen was disproportionately bulged.From the way she sat, one could see a kind of tiredness and submissive tiredness.Her hair was tied up in a mess, and her face had a kind of anxiety that was rapidly corroded by time and circumstances.The slovenliness and emaciation caused by hard work are clearly written on the face.But the heart is getting more and more dull. She started to use the money Canaan left to call Ye Lan.The mobile phone and the home phone were dialed alternately, but somehow they couldn't get through, or no one answered.In this way, I insisted on calling for half a month, and finally got in touch with her.

It was Ye Lan's voice on the phone, speaking English, sleepy and very tired.Because of the time difference, it should be midnight over there. She said, Ye Lan?it's me.I am in Nepal.I don't have enough money, can you call me back.I will give you the number... ... I need money, Ye Lan——she said to her——I want to leave with the child, so I need money.She told Ye Lan everything, and asked her to give her support.The voice is earnest and unhelpful.But still has composure.She knew that Ye Lan was the only person she could count on right now.She had no choice other than that. Ye Lan was surprised by what happened to her on the phone, and didn't say anything for a while.Kassan only felt a tightness in his heart.It feels like hope is crumbling, hanging in mid-air. She is not Nepalese (2) Cassan, of course I can give you a check.But I think after the child is born, you can easily leave, after all, at least there is an extra procedure.I want to come to Kathmandu as soon as possible to take you away.Give me your exact address, Cassan, and wait for me.she says. When Kassan heard what she said, he clenched the phone receiver tightly at that moment, gradually exerting force, as if he was about to crush it. Shaky hopes have been leveled.She understands the thinness of human feelings in this world.And she can have such a grand and heavy affection, after this long period of anxiety and hardship, she just feels like she is about to shed tears. 11 October.The long rainy season has just passed.Kathmandu seems to be a woman who has just stepped out of the water, wrapped in a wet sari, her body is moist, cold and smooth, and she is as charming as a red lotus. That day, she had just cleaned up a guest room, spread the sheets, and walked back to the duty room.Not long after she sat down, a woman entered her room. I'm checking in for a room, Kassan. Kasang looked up and saw Ye Lan standing in front of him in a daze.Carrying a hiking bag.There is deep meaning in the eyes. Within a week of staying in this hotel, Ye Lan took Kasang to the consulate to complete the formalities for returning to China.Because the marriage is not registered, the process is not complicated.But in order to make sure she left safely, she stuffed a lot of money to the Nepalese officials who handled it, so that no one would know.After all, Canaan is very famous in the local area, and Kassan attended his public wedding. Once the formalities are completed, the ticket has already been handed over. Kassan left Kathmandu almost as if he had evaporated from the world.Quietly, without anyone noticing.Put the room key where you kept it, and everything will be as it was when you first came.She did her best in what she did.With a clear conscience. When the plane took off, I was able to overlook this ancient city for the first time.Low and dilapidated houses, countless temples... dark red brick walls, gray cement houses, black wood carvings, and brown roofs.If you fly a little higher, you can only see a large area of ​​green mountains, occupying this undulating land.Countless mountain tops are piled with snow all year round, which is very spectacular.The view was quickly blocked by thick clouds. Ye Lan was sitting beside her, looking at her.Kassan, are you feeling sick?she asked. no i'm fine.I just want to sleep for a while. She retracted her body.Lie down on the plane seat with peace of mind and close your eyes. Much later, she recalled her years in Kathmandu.At a certain moment, she wondered if she had ever been tempted to stay there like this, to be a really hardworking and tenacious woman.In the midst of the heat and despicable abuse, with a great heart like penance, willingly, submissively, having children, working, and then to death, was carried to the river and burned to ashes. Either we live such a life in this place, or we live such a life in another place.And these hardships that must be involved in life are really different because of different regions. When she is full of the saltiness of sweat and can get a brief leisure to sit on the stool at the door of the hotel and look wistfully at the sky over the old city in the rainy season, she can feel slightly happy.There is steadfastness in my heart.It seemed that all the hard work just now had completely disappeared.For the insignificant gap of happiness in front of me, I can be happy from the bottom of my heart.This pleasure is subtle and fleeting, but it surpasses all satisfaction. It was a sense of belonging, and a spectator gesture.That was the only feeling I had when I was sitting in a black tent and spying on the scenery of the world.that is home. But maybe still not.After all, she still wanted to leave. She seemed to be completely relieved.I slept for nearly five hours at a time.When the plane arrived at Beijing Capital Airport, Ye Lan woke her up. You're home, Kassan.she says. At this time last year, I was still in the school dormitory in Beijing, and I was an ordinary student.Her adoptive father left, and she resolutely chose to leave because she did not want her mother to bear her own existence.Get involved with a random guy and follow him away. The faces that admired him didn't know each other at all, really didn't even have a bit of it.Just after eating two meals with him, I started to stand under the third ring bridge waiting for him to come for a tryst, and entangled with him in the dark room, as if away from each other.But because of his own anxiety, he refused to give up.But even so she had to follow him.And because of this blindness, he was taken to Nepal, exiled to a hotel restaurant, and worked hard there.No compensation. Until now she still does not feel that such a motive is pure love.Nor can she describe herself as a so-called woman born for love. A woman born for love.How humble and pathetic such a label is.As if a direct pun on endlessness and frustration and dismalness. She knew she wasn't like that.It's just because I always feel lonely, so I feel that the lack in my heart is extremely huge.In the impression, life seems to be a huge funnel.She tried every means to fill it with feelings, love, and journey..., full of hope, and wanted to see it full and complete.But in the end, I found to my dismay that I had nothing to gain except that everything turned into time and continued to flow from the bottom.It can never be as full and complete as one would like. People who feel insecure in their hearts usually do even more insecure things.A sad cycle.Now the cycle is back to the beginning, and it brings her back to the city where she lived for ten years. That night, Ye Lan took her back to his home.Kassan was finally able to take a very comfortable bath after such a long and muddy ordeal.It was the first time that she approached her pregnant self so clearly in front of the huge mirror in the bathroom.When she saw the sudden belly, she felt a sense of desolation in her heart.Don't know why it's like this.She never had the slightest preparation for being a mother.In countries like Nepal, traditional religions oppose abortion.Even if she did it, she would not have a penny on her.It is so helpless. She washed for a long time, and the sound of rushing water in the bathroom kept ringing.When she was about to come out, she heard Ye Lan knocking on the door outside, and she asked her, is it okay for you to wash alone?Kassan. Kasang wrapped up her bath towel and went out. When she opened the door, she saw Ye Lan guarding the door.Ye Lan looked at her, reached out to caress her wet face, there was worry in his eyes. I don't know how to take care of you, Kassan.Even if you haven't come out of the bath for a long time, I am inexplicably frightened.I can only bring you back.But it can't make you feel at ease. Ye Lan's voice became very soft, with a sincere expression.She said, Kassan, I can't say I understand you.But I can see the loneliness and helplessness in your heart.You can't deny that you have been blindly accepting its guidance, or being guided by it, being taken away by others again and again, thrown into one place again and again, groping for a way out in the strange and dark alone, and then walking along Watching it return to its original point, back to the original solitary position, looking around, there is only a piece of heavy snow. I don't know if your whole life will be spent on this road.You know, every cycle like this leaves an imprint on your body.Fortunately or unfortunately.Just like this time, your imprint is your child. But I am different from you, only because I am unwilling to accept guidance, so I always stay in the same place, just want to sit on the sidelines and wait until I hit a destination that leads to the same goal.I saw you leaving and tossing like this again and again, but in the end it was not for such a result.Of course it cannot be said that it is in vain, but I have sympathy. There is only so little that we can do good to others in our life.I'm afraid I can't even do that well, Kassan. She said, I can help you, maybe only here.I think, after a while, you need to go to the hospital by yourself, live in peace, and ask a nanny to take care of you.But I'm going back to England immediately to study.After all, I'm on leave right now.When the Christmas holiday comes, I will try to come back to see you again. I can see that you have been learning to be self-aware in isolation and helplessness, just like after your adoptive father left, you insisted on leaving.Because you are afraid of becoming a mere burden around others.I can do my best to help you do this.I know, you won't despise it for less. She looked at Ye Lan and said calmly, yes.I already feel that what you have given me is very thick and unbearable.