Chapter 35 [Sanshiwu] exchange

Slightly written story. two men Two thin men, Matthew and Yang. Matthew likes to eat spinach; Yang Lei likes to eat bamboo shoots. Matthew is darker; Yang Lei is whiter. Matthew is one centimeter taller than Yang. Matthew liked art since he was a child; Yang Lei has always been good at running. Matthew is an insurance salesman, but he is very quiet; Yang Lei is a physical education teacher, and occasionally he can make high school girls laugh with a joke. Matthew is lazy, his hair is naturally curly, half-length and not long, he likes European retro hairstyles, slovenly; Yang Lei's crew cut is cleaned every day, underwear is changed every day, nails are cut frequently, early morning Go to bed early and get up early, she is the most sunny teacher in the school.

Matthew is always punctual when talking to clients, but he hates the job.It is estimated that he is the least talked insurance practitioner in the whole city.He prefers to be dragged by a salesman on a leisurely walk in the afternoon, listen to his red-mouthed and white-toothed explanation, and then buy some practical or useless small things, which are all interesting.Buying things is always much easier than selling things; Yang Lei likes to sneak out at work and buy an ice cream cone to eat in the park in the middle of the street. He is always caught and questioned by the old principal. Running around, you can travel across most of the city to meet a client.He likes to take the bus, and he is familiar with all the bus routes in this city, and he knows everything by heart.

Matthew likes watching movies and has the habit of collecting posters. He likes Jean Reno the most; Yang Lei likes listening to music and has the habit of collecting records. He likes many small European bands that play fresh and fresh. He sits on the double-decker bus 301 every day When I go to work, the headphones are full of cheerful voices. Matthew is addicted to smoking; Yang is lethargic. The house where Matthew lives is full of many secrets and past events.The furnishings are very simple, but there are large wooden boxes that can hold a 29-inch color TV everywhere; Yang Lei’s house has bright wall wallpaper, harmonious black fabric sofas, and many canvas shoes of different colors and styles. Let me just say: he has beautiful feet.

Matthew likes to read, and there are many, many books at home.His favorite book is; Yang Lei doesn't like to read books with many words, he likes to read comic books, occasionally read some sports magazines and celebrity gossip, his favorite "Doraemon", he read the story of the time machine when he was a child Had hallucinations and nightmares from time to time. Matthew likes to use an old-fashioned razor with a blade, insists on handwriting to record scenes in life, and occasionally checks emails online; Yang Lei is a young man who likes automation, he likes to use electric razors, and is obsessed with Germans I make small online puzzle games, and I always carry a USB flash drive in my pocket, and I copy anything interesting in school whenever I find it.

Matthew likes one of his clients. The girl is responsible for the life insurance of her parents and herself. She also likes to use cherry-flavored lipstick and fragrance. Sometimes she wears black nail polish. She regards Matthew as a good friend. She has sad feelings When something happened, I asked him to come out to eat hot pot together, and swallowed the food in big mouthfuls while feeling sad.This girl is not thin, but has a round butt, which is exactly the type that Matthew likes; Yang Lei likes the simple and clean thin girls with single eyelids, those who look timid but do things loudly.He is a crush king, but he has never been in love.He is too simple.Sometimes he wishes he had grown a little beard and thickened it up, otherwise someone would think there was something wrong with his tendencies.

exchange On a calm afternoon, some people and cars were walking on the street without any suspense. When passing through the park in the middle of the square, there is a group of shrubs. You take a breath and you don’t want to leave here. You will imagine that the whole city has become a shrub forest. It should be a forest like a vast ocean, with birds chirping overhead, hunters and dogs walking around. Not far away, even the sound of gunfire will not make people frightened, wild rabbits and chickens line up in small teams, and have a bonfire at night... Yang Lei ran out of school again and stayed here to breathe the fresh air. He closed his eyes and rethought those fantasies about the urban forest above.Matthew also came here with his briefcase on the way out to sell insurance. He took off his dignified tie, and took out a small jar from his pocket, which contained oral vitamin lozenges in the shape of a bear. Undoubtedly, this kind of The lozenges are designed for younger children and come in chocolate flavor.He took two tablets and melted them in his mouth, sat on the stone bench and looked up at the sky.At this time, he and Yang Lei were sitting back to back.Yang Lei poured the Simon Elephant milk tablets into his mouth, but he didn't dare to eat them in the market or on the bus in broad daylight, because the packaging of the milk tablets was the pressing style of medicine.Once, he took it swaggeringly on the bus. A middle-aged woman thought he had some serious illness. The "pills" were all white, and there was a very big one. The woman took the child sitting next to him to the back of the bus. seat to sit...

At this time, the two men found that they had similar hobbies, and smiled awkwardly, as if they knew each other. "You...hehe", Yang Lei looked at the brown bear in Matthew's hand and then at him, and smiled. "Hehe", Matthew was very cool and smiled. "The air here is so good", Yang Lei always likes to express some small exclamations, taking advantage of the people around him.If it was a tree, of course he would not reveal his secrets into the tree hole, he would speak to the tree silently in his heart until his sighs were no longer dense. Matthew looked at him and just smiled.

"Aren't you busy with work?!" Yang Lei became curious. "It's okay, the office is passing by here, and I have to leave soon after staying here." "Are you...a reporter? It doesn't look like it. Reporters don't wear suits as uniforms. Then you are..." Still guessing. "An insurance man." Matthew started smoking. "I happen to want to vote for one, can you introduce me?" Yang Lei has always had a kind of fear of old age, and the lack of food and clothing makes him sad, so he is planning to spend part of the money for retirement.

Matthew put a bunch of materials in front of him, and the key points in the materials have been circled with red markers. He just smoked on the sidelines and let Yang Lei take a general look, and talk about which ones he is interested in. .Matthew's hands are very long, and ZIPPO is handy to use, like a part of the palm.Yang Lei looked at the information carefully, and then started a discussion with him: "Does selling insurance mean you have to go out and deal with different people every day?!" "Of course." Matthew smoked a Marlboro. "Does that mean that people often travel by bus?"

"yes." He found that the more he asked, the closer he was to the ideal, so he became elated, "Doesn't it mean that if you don't work hard, you can be free, and if you work hard, you can be busy?" "yes." "I want to sell insurance!" "What you told me just now is that you want to buy insurance." Yang Lei was still excited: "I wanted to buy it just now, but now I want to sell it!" Matthew wholeheartedly thought that this was a person who was forced to be bored by life, otherwise he would not want to do insurance.he asks:

"What is your current occupation?" "High school physical education teacher." Matthew: "That's a great job! You can bask in the sun, eat food in the school cafeteria, blow the whistle, shout passwords, and play ball with the students, which is your daily life." Yang Lei: "It's too closed. I want to change the environment. I want to run around, see people and the city. When I don't want to embarrass myself, I can sneak around and smoke like you. I'm going to work and leave school now. Come and play, the principal still wants to talk to me." Matthew: "It's so chaotic outside, but the campus is so nice!" The two admired each other for a while, and when they were about to separate, Yang Lei ran back to catch up with Matthew and said: "I want to sell insurance, and you want to be a high school physical education teacher...then...then let's switch!" Matthew didn't understand. Yang Lei blinked his eyes excitedly, and said like a child: "It's just that we exchange jobs. I will sell insurance for you, and you will teach for me. In this way, we will switch jobs one by one. It is estimated that the personnel replacement will be completed soon. We can all be liberated earlier. After all, the school and the Organizations are not easy to enter..." Matthew: "Let me think about it again, and I will call you later." ... Matthew is such a character, slower and more steady, and he doesn't like to listen to the wind and the rain.He has to think carefully about the work he has done over the past year, and he has to compare "gain" and "lose" before making a decision. In the end, of course, he didn't find out what he'd got, just wasted his life, dealing with boring advertising jargon.For him, selling insurance made him lose so much space and life. After careful sorting, he finally began to yearn for the profession of physical education teacher. He thought of his high school days.He is nearly 190 centimeters tall, and the teacher asked him to play basketball. He didn't like it, but there were only five boys in the liberal arts class, and he had to participate in the school basketball game, so he rushed to the field.As a result, he won countless favors and whistles, and his basketball skills were awakened by the body and played. Because of basketball, he made his first girlfriend. The girl from the class next door would come to watch every game in their class.And when he was injured, he was sent to the infirmary with the crowd in his class... Although he hadn't participated in other sports such as running, he knew that he liked the sun and being stable was enough.Therefore, he felt that he was qualified for the job of a physical education teacher. He called Yang Lei. The move-in and move-out procedures of the two people's work were handled very quickly.The so-called one radish and one pit. tin toys After exchanging jobs, the two started their new lives.They make an appointment to drink and chat together on weekends.Matthew still seldom speaks, eats some peanuts and drinks beer.Poplar looks a little tanned. Yang Lei is not in a hurry to make money, and enjoys traveling around the city all day long. He sees one girl after another in the bus, and sometimes takes the same route at the same time, and can meet the same person, so he begins to fall in love with her secretly.It's just that his secret love came and went quickly, he only regarded it as a pleasing trip, and the short trip was full of longing.After all, he is 25 years old. When telling Matthew about his crush, Matthew said with a smile that he was funny and his mind was full of fantasies. He had never seen an insurance company with such a leisurely mind before. The female client that Matthew had always liked called him. The woman's name was Gao Wa. Although they had no business contacts, they still maintained a good friendship.She trusted Matthew because he was tall and dark-skinned, and because he was a man of few words, and once he spoke, he would deliver.One day, she encountered troubles at work and called Matthew to go out for dinner.At that time, Matthew and Yang Lei were bored in the bar, so they borrowed their guts to ask Gao Wa out.Gao Wa saw that the two insurance brokers knew each other and were still drinking together, which surprised her.The more I talked about my difficulties at work, the more I drank the wine.In the end, both Gao Wa and Yang Lei were drunk, and only Matthew, who had an invincible capacity for alcohol, was sober.There is no way to separate them, and they cannot send the two of them back to their respective homes.In the end, he hired a car and took them all to his kennel. He carried Gaowa carefully to the bed. The old wooden bed was covered with black sheets, black quilt cover, and the pure cotton was very soft. He covered Gaowa, took off her shoes, and put her feet on Put it in a warm quilt.He glanced at her a few times, she looked so beautiful sleeping.He remembered that after drinking, Gaowa had green eyeshadow on her red face, and her bangs were very thin and uneven, sticking to her forehead, very playful. He helped Yang Lei to the sofa, took out a blanket from the cabinet and put it on his lap.Yang Lei slept soundly, breathing smoothly, and the smell of alcohol was not heavy. Matthew usually reads during insomnia nights, he is not afraid of insomnia, he is calm, sitting on the rug.The carpet in his house is very elegant, and it is the only thing left by his grandfather.He loved the solemn rug and cleaned it often.That night he was reading The Life of Duncan. The wind outside picked up, and the tin toy at home swayed from side to side a few times as if it were alive.He raised his head and looked around, feeling that it was all too beautiful.There are two friends he likes to accompany him for a night, which is a rare gathering except for New Year's Eve. At 5 o'clock, dawn began.He originally wanted to open the window to let in the air, but he was afraid that Yang Lei would catch cold.So a person stood in the corridor sober for a while.He found that there was no fog this morning, and it should be a clear day.He thought to himself: This city, which is neither south nor north, is so beautiful. I went to Yang Lei and tried to wake him up, but failed.He walked over to Gaowa again, he didn't touch her, and he didn't have the heart to disturb her sleep, he stared blankly for a while, and decided to go to work alone. There is a New Year's party at school today, and he has no performance task, just helping to build the stage.He was thinking that there would be classes for third graders in the second quarter in the morning, so don't forget to bring a whistle. Before leaving the house, he entered the room and took another look at Gaowa. Gaowa curled up, buried her head in the quilt, her hands were exposed outside the quilt, and he saw that her slender fingers were not wearing rings. Matthew walked slowly, smoking a cigarette and looking at the scenery.He never smiled, because he was tall and had curly hair, so he got a lot of strange eyes.The female students who had a crush on Yang in the past were disappointed when they saw this tall and decadent substitute, but the girls in the liberal arts class loved Matthew for his weirdness and slovenliness.When he walked to the school gate, a female student ran over with a flushed face and handed him a New Year's card with a few lines of sour small characters written on it.Matthew took the card in his hand and smiled at the giver. The sun is so beautiful, the air is so beautiful, and the smiles of the young students are so beautiful.With gratitude to Yang Lei, he whistled on the playground and led everyone to do radio gymnastics.He hoped to be like this forever, and then get married, marry a girl like Gaowa, give birth to a little guy, and he can accompany his son to do morning exercises on the balcony in the morning until he can't do it anymore. ... At around 10 in the morning, Yang Lei woke up first.He straightened up and saw that the room was full of tin toys and big wooden boxes. He thought he was lost in the forest hunter's hut.His eyes finally wandered to Gao Wa, he pushed Gao Wa awake, they tried to recall together, and got the correct answer - this is Matthew's home. Gao Wa took out two sticks of chewing gum from his pocket, one for each of them, for brushing his teeth.Anyway, I'm already late for work, so it's better to miss work for a day.The two of them have a plan, that is, to stay at Matthew's house to have fun, and then cook a good meal when he gets off work to reward him, and spend New Year's Day together. Everything in the room looks old, such as the wind-up tin alarm clock, elephant-shaped building blocks from childhood, kaleidoscopes and jigsaw puzzles that can be seen everywhere on the table. Yang Lei and Gao Wa didn't dare to mess with other people's things, but an amazing observation was always inevitable. In the afternoon, Gao Wa went to a nearby market to buy vegetables, leaving Yang Lei to watch the door at home.Their division of labor is very clear, Gao Wa is in charge of buying and washing vegetables, and Yang Lei is in charge of cooking.At that time, the sun was orange, shining on people's temples, it was so beautiful and gentle, it was not close to death. come down The evening self-study in the afternoon was cancelled, and the teachers of the physical education group and some student union cadres were responsible for decorating the auditorium during the big break. After an hour, everyone will come here for a party. Matthew is hanging a lantern and stepping on a ladder, he holds the lantern carefully to keep his body balanced. The lanterns are very red, so gorgeous that it makes people dizzy.The sound in the auditorium was very loud, and there were English songs on the theme of congratulating the New Year. The lyrics were full of blessings, and there were laughter from children and adults. Matthew's jeans are very old, about the same age as the ladder, and the white spots on the seams are very nice.He held a lantern and looked down at the people in the hall, and everyone had bright smiles on their faces.There were a few female students who swayed back and forth with the rhythm of the music, their buttocks were round, and for a moment he thought of Gaowa. The whole auditorium was immersed in festive and red.After he hung up the lantern, his legs fell down, and he was about to climb down the ladder, but he suddenly felt that he was wrong. He used to walk with his left foot first. This habit has not changed for more than 20 years, but he fell to the right. on feet.His habit was broken.He hangs. Matthew fell, and in less than a second, his body fell to the wooden floor stage, and everyone around was shocked.They came over and looked at his still warm body.Matthew felt the air was thin and he couldn't move.But more and more people gathered around, taking away his air.He became more and more depressed and wanted to shout out more and more. Red blood flowed from his brain and mouth, spreading little by little, fresh blood flowed to people's feet, the feet of the ladder, and Matthew's own feet, so much blood flowed, and he The frayed parts of the old jeans provide a stark contrast. When the car from the emergency center arrived, Matthew was already dead, but there was still blood flowing out of his brain and mouth, and the air was filled with the smell of blood.The onlookers saw the rushing doctors carrying the person who had fallen down the stairs into the ambulance on a stretcher, and from time to time someone uttered a hard cry. The girl who gave Matthew the New Year's card in the morning couldn't believe her eyes, and her facial muscles were twisted from crying. The card said: You are the most handsome teacher I have ever seen.Hope you are healthy and happy... little kingdom Yang Lei cooked a good meal and sat on the carpet with Gao Wa to wait for Matthew.When they called his mobile phone, they realized that he had left his mobile phone and door keys at home. To beat boredom, they took turns telling stories.Yang Lei was telling jokes, while Gao Wa was talking about her own childhood.Gao Wa likes to look at his eyelashes, under the milky white tube lamp, the eyelashes fluttering up and down seem to be inlaid with silver edges. They were bored waiting and took turns taking a bath.It's really unbearable to not take a bath for two days and one night.The neighborhood is well-heated, and they don't feel cold with their wet hair loose on their chests. In this way, the stories were told one after another. When it was almost 9 o'clock, Yang Lei asked Gao Wa to go home alone, and he stayed and waited for Matthew, otherwise Matthew would not even be able to enter the door. Yang Lei ate some braised xiaoxipai, drank a little red wine, sat on the big wicker chair and continued to wait.Then he fell asleep, and when he woke up it was still dark, it was 3 o'clock at night.The window of the living room was half opened, the wind blew in, and many tin toys in the room made noises. He began to feel uneasy, and the feeling came very quickly and swallowed him. He grabbed Matthew's cell phone and looked for his family's numbers.But there is only one distant relative in other provinces in his phone book.He felt that it would be impossible to ask relatives, so he thought of calling other colleagues in the sports team. Yang Lei: "Hi, I'm Yang Lei, what time does Matthew get off work today?" On the other end of the phone: "Ah..." Yang Lei: "Matthew is the teacher I introduced to the school to replace me! Why don't you speak?!" On the other end of the phone: "Ah...you...you..." Yang Lei: "Speak up!!" He realized that something bad had happened. On the other end of the phone: "When setting up the performance auditorium, he fell off the ladder and died..." In a city, a tall, thin, dark-skinned man suddenly disappeared.News of his death had no family to share, he was a total orphan who seemed to come out of nowhere.No one was in charge of his funeral, and the school's logistics arranged for a few elderly teachers to decorate a mourning hall.Yang Lei didn't attend the funeral, he just sat in Matthew's room stupidly, never going out since he came in. When he found out that this man who came out of nowhere had sold the insurance for several years and didn't take part in it, he couldn't help crying. He stayed in a room full of tin toys. He hated himself for switching careers with Matthew. He felt that he killed people indirectly. He looked around the room, and he found that the man who died for him was as virgin as a child, and as strange as a passerby. Yang Lei no longer went to work. It took him a month to resume his normal life. He could eat a small amount of food, take a bath at night, and sleep. In the morning, he gets up at the time he goes to work.Brushing his teeth with Matthew's toothbrush, he has grown to love the green tea flavored toothpaste Matthew uses. After brushing his teeth, he opened a wooden box as he did the day before, knelt on the carpet, put his head into the box, and rummaged through the contents.Every time you look at something, you must put it back in its original place and keep its original appearance.He discovered many, many, many, countless secrets.Matthew is a morbidly nostalgic person who stubbornly keeps textbooks from elementary school to university, neatly arranged by school year.The search process was so long, the whole room was filled with such wooden boxes, which contained old sneakers, test papers, gifts received, dozens of diaries, and letters written for a girl whom I had a crush on. Notes that have never been sent, yellowed newspapers that published his words, used palettes, calendar cards from the past 20 years, stickers of Weng Meiling and Transformers, various ticket stubs: bus tickets, exlibris, movie tickets , zoo tickets, train tickets, meal tickets, plane registration cards...used bookmarks, brushes, few childhood photos, glass balls... Yang Lei fell in love with Matthew and immersed himself in Matthew's life every day. He felt that he was a continuation of Matthew's life. He felt that Matthew, like those tin toys, would not die. He felt like he had become Matthew because he knew Matthew better than himself. Matthew is the man who will never change, Matthew is the man who will never be wrong, Matthew is the man who is fashionable. This is a small kingdom, and Matthew is the little prince here. surrogate marriage Yang Lei turned to Matthew's latest diary entry, which was about Gao Wa: "Gaowa is a girl who likes to be sentimental. She always wears black clothes and chews a piece of lemon-flavored bubble gum. She loves to cry and laugh, like a doll, and loves to wear woolen hats. Food can make her happy, and her melancholy temperament can impress everyone. Alone, her thoughts are always fleeting..." Matthew is in love with Gaowa, and Yang Lei finds out that he is the one who loves Gaowa secretly.He was sitting on Matthew's bed. The window lamp was orange, a very old-fashioned style, and the brightness could be adjusted by twisting a round button.He remembered that he also had such a 9-watt desk lamp when he was a child, it was very dark, and reading under such a light was like a layer of oil paper. Everything he does now is like Matthew, he is the living Matthew. He read the "Duncan Life" before going to bed, exercised himself to eat more spinach, his words became less, he put a handkerchief in his pocket to wipe his mouth, his hair and beard grew, he didn't cut his hair, it grew After that, there was also a rewinding. In the afternoon, he would draw the curtains to watch Matthew’s discs, one scene after another. He smoked the half of Matthew’s remaining Chinese cigarettes. He began to write diaries and reading notes in his notebook. , the first novel he read was that he no longer took milk tablets but took oral vitamin tablets... He continued to learn everything about Matthew, but he didn't learn to fall in love with Gaowa. But he still married Gao Wa, because Gao Wa loved him, and because Matthew loved Gao Wa.He wanted to marry this woman for Matthew, and secretly vowed to be good to her for the rest of his life. Gao Wa didn't meet Yang Lei until long after Matthew's death.She found that Yang Lei had changed a lot, and she thought he should blame himself.So I only care about comforting the living.Besides, she fell in love with Yang Lei from the first time she saw him.Even though he doesn't understand many of Yang Lei's current practices, he still can't stop her love. Gao Wa: "Do you love me?" Yang Lei: "...love...", in fact, he knows that he is not sincere, he is loving her for Matthew. Gao Wa is obviously a simple woman, she can't see any flaws, she can only be dazzled by love: "I think you are different from when we first met." Yang Lei: "Have your hair grown..." Gao Wa: "I mean character...you...are you blaming yourself?" Before she could finish asking, she stepped forward and hugged her lover from behind. Yang Lei didn't respond at all, his thoughts became clearer and more painless: "Yes, I blame myself." In fact, he blamed his infatuation on Matthew as self-blame, the only way to explain all his erratic behavior.Gao Wa could accept and understand him right away, and no longer doubted him. Gao Wa: "Then let's get married!" Yang Lei didn't pause for a moment: "Okay." Gao Wa felt sad for his calmness, everyone hoped that this moment would come with extraordinary excitement: "Then shall we go back to your house? Why do we have to live in Matthew's house all the time?" Yang Lei continued to lie: "Because I owe him something, I want to take care of the house for him. His parents died young, and his only family member is his grandfather, but he left this house for Matthew a year ago and died too. Matthew Xiu was killed by me again, if I don't want to die, I have to help him take care of this house." Gao Wa was terrified: "Of course you can't die, you still have me! You have to live well for me and us, don't keep saying that you killed Matthew, this is not the case at all!" Yang Lei touched her forehead and smiled absently. Matthew's photo is hung where you can see it as soon as you enter the door. He is always cool and doesn't smile. In the black and white photo taken as a posthumous photo, he is gentle, with a slight smile, bright eyes, dark skin, and wearing a white shirt. .This is a photo of Matthew during his first year on the job. Standing in the foyer, Yang Lei looked at Gaowa who was wearing a white wedding dress. He remembered what Matthew wrote in his diary: Gaowa is a sentimental girl who always wears black clothes and chews a piece of lemon-flavored bubble gum. Love to laugh, like a doll, love to wear woolen hats, food can make her happy, her melancholy temperament can impress everyone, her thoughts are always fleeting... Gao Wa called him at this time, interrupting Matthew's memory.Matthew went to the princess in front of him, even though he knew that he didn't love her.But he married her. asphyxia In fact, Lei Yang was wrong. Of course Yang Lei was wrong. To love for others is a tolerable and painful thing.His love is not water in a watering can, where it is sprinkled.The more you control, the harder it is to deal with.In such relativity, love becomes more and more impossible. Only collapse. Can only be separated. In the four months after marriage, Gao Wa would make a suggestion almost every three days-to move out of the deceased's house.Every time Yang Lei came to hug her, and put her ear close to his chest, as if listening to his heartbeat, the other party could understand his wishes, calm down any objections and continue to stay. Every day is like grinding. Yang Lei returned to high school and took Matthew's place as a physical education teacher again. In the drawer he saw the whistle that Matthew always forgot to wear around his neck.He continued to blow that whistle, stood in the sun, and taught the third-grade students to do exercises.The little girl I liked in the past still screams.And the liberal arts students who admired Matthew also began to admire him.Because his breath is more and more like Matthew, and he will soon become a person. The girl who sent Matthew's New Year's card transferred to another school, and no one saw her again, just like Matthew who disappeared. In the evening, Yang Lei will write some diaries, read books, watch movies, and live a leisurely life. Gao Wa became more and more reluctant to go home after get off work, and even lingered in nightclubs, asking other men to take her home.She gradually understood that Yang Lei didn't seem to care about her at all, and she wanted to use her actions to arouse Yang Lei's disgust, so as to prove that he still had feelings for her.But she got nothing.When she comes home late, Yang Lei will leave the door light for her, get up early and make cereal for her before going to work, and cook a few simple dishes at night, no matter whether she comes back to eat or not, he will do it.He never asked where she was, just treated her as always. Gaowa's drinking capacity is getting bigger and bigger. She often cries after drinking, and wipes away her tears when she takes a taxi downstairs.Yang Lei didn't love her anymore, she was afraid that he would hate her again, so she wanted to suppress her emotions. On this day, she drank beer and was slightly drunk.Wrapped in a coat, he climbed up the stairs, entered the house, and saw Yang Lei smoking a cigarette and watching a DVD.As usual, when Yang Lei saw her drunk, he would bring her a bowl of vinegar to help her sober up, and then helped her to the bed for a good night's sleep.But Gao Wa couldn't bear it anymore, she cried with the help of alcohol, and then began to confide. Gao Wa: "You don't love me at all! Then why did you marry me?! I live in two tracks and two worlds with you every day. You don't see or smell me. What's the use of taking care of me? You have experienced it. My heart... Oh, I know, you are possessed, you want to live in a dead man's house! Self-blame?! You don't seem to see any self-blame, you go to work every day, and then watch Write a diary in the movie... Oh yes, I have read your diary, your writing is really good! After reading your diary, I understand that you are bewitched, and you are infatuated with that dead man... ..." Yang Lei was still listening at first, but his heart became more and more tense later on, every word was cut on his heart, and he yelled at her to shut up.Gao Wa was always sober, but alcohol allowed her to express her grief to the extreme.The more he scolded her, the more she wanted to talk.She wanted to cut the most precise words to his heart, to make him sad and to break his heart.She went on: "You have a crush on a dead man..." She started laughing and crying.While her laughter was still echoing in the room, Yang Lei grabbed her by the neck. Finally Gaowa's sarcastic laughter stopped, and the room became quiet. Gao Wa stopped moving, Gao Wa stopped crying. one person "No one can hold back those misses anymore. No one else can look up at the starry sky with you. No one else can give you love and sorrow. Because someone you loved died. Someone you love once told you what love is. The love in his mouth is: one person dies, another person stays to remember him. With this ideal, you continue to live alone. No one can comfort you. Only night and fragmented shadows. " This is what Yang Lei wrote in his diary, and this is what he said to Matthew.He knew that what Gao Wa said was wrong, his feelings for Matthew were not infatuation, but a feeling beyond love.It is the adoration and reverence of one soul for another. Gao Wa didn't die, and when she was about to die, Yang Lei let go. They are divorced. Another year, on the anniversary of Matthew's death, Yang Lei did not attend the school's gala, but met Gao Wa at the cemetery. The crows chirping, the clear wind, the paper kites tied by the old gardener in his spare time hanging on the door of the house, the white handkerchiefs used by the grave sweepers, the black woolen suits, the mourning and pouring out for the dead in front of the tombstone, the confusion of the living, the epitaph The engraving on the inscription, the sorrow of crying to heaven and earth... Yang Lei and Gao Wa stood in front of Yang Xiu's stele, talking to each other. Gao Wa: "I know it's because you love me, and Yang Lei likes you, so he married me for you. Later, we found out that we were not suitable, and he failed all his painstaking efforts. Now I live in Yang Lei's house , I know that I love him, I can only breathe when I face objects that have lived with him every day, and I can calm down my love and hate for him. So I don't have any resentment towards him, I can understand him, he lives because of you I miss you in your house, and I do because I love him. Now, I don't need his arms without love. As long as there is love in my heart, it is enough... Matthew, if you live, I miss my unhappiness I can confide in you. I still like when you were alive. At that time, Yang Lei and I were ordinary people with ordinary people’s troubles. Now we are no longer ordinary, because we have become trivial and troubled by love ...but fortunately, everyone has their own place, everyone has their own place." When Gao Wa said these words, her lips were still so delicate and charming.It's just that her heart is old. Yang Lei: "I know you are a regular and nostalgic person. Everything in your room, I have not changed, it is exactly the same as when you were here. I know you are used to stepping on the left foot first, I know you are used to looking at old things Black and white TV, I know you never despair. I wanted to take care of Gao Wa all the time, but I found that I don’t have the ability. I’m sorry, Matthew. In the two years since you died, I have watched all your movies, I I also peeked at your diary, I just don’t understand why you fought with Sanbo in the physical education class in the second year of junior high school, you have always been peaceful..." Gao Wa walked away quietly, leaving Yang Lei to talk to Matthew in front of the tombstone.She knew he had many, many things to say to him...