Chapter 5 chapter Five

...it must have been early morning, because I heard birdsong. When I opened my eyes, it was already dawn, and the jeans on my body made me suffocate.God, I didn't even move, I slept all night.I quickly took off my trousers and looked at the clock. It was only eight o'clock, and I could sleep again. The voice behind said: "I really admire you, you can sleep like this. After all, you are a child." Laughing. It was Xu Cunzi, I turned around. "You are the most sneaky, always appearing like this." he came over. "I don't believe you really slept soundly, can you go to bed wearing these iron pants?"

"When did you finish the paperwork?" I asked. "Not long ago. Came up to see how you slept." "I slept well, thank you." I rolled my eyes at him, "It's luck that you didn't scare me to death." He laughed and said, "The real culprit is like a small animal with teeth and claws—" "In a cage." I continued. "You feel that way?" he asked. "Come here," I said. "What did you say?" He was taken aback. "Let me tell you this." I said angrily, "I'm not trying to insult you, Mr. Xu, all the buttons on your sweater are wrong. I want to help you fasten them now."

He came over as promised.This was the first time in his life that he took orders from others. I unbuttoned it for him, and before I could button the first button, it happened. It's about time, I thought as I fell back on the bed.Have been waiting for half a year.Few men have such patience, such indifference. I don't want to explain and describe in detail. The next day he drove me to Holy Trinity. I kissed his face when I got out of the car.I asked, "Are you still leaving?" "We're going to Paris tomorrow," he said. "It's been agreed." I nodded and he drove the car away.

Walking towards Dennis Nguyen.In such a big school building, he will always appear in front of me. "That's your boyfriend?" He asked sarcastically, "That's it? He's a dying old man." I walked straight to the classroom and ignored him. He holds me back. "Don't pretend you don't know me." I turned my head, and was about to scold him fiercely, but his expression made me startled, and I couldn't bear to make any more noises, he looked really haggard, and his smiling eyes were now hollow. "What's wrong with you?" I asked.I thought to myself, another Xu Congshu, this boy is usually invincible among girls, but suddenly he meets an opponent, and all of them are defeated.

"I'm not feeling well." "You haven't shaved?" I asked. "Looks like a drunk." "I miss you," he said stubbornly. "Dennis, go to London and look for it. There are sixty thousand women like me." "I just miss you." He still said the old saying. I smiled and asked, "I'm going to class now, do you want to transfer? The law professor will welcome you, anyway, you are proficient in Latin." "I'll wait for you in the cafeteria after class." Dennis Ruan said, "Unless you are invited away from tea time." Dennis Ruan turned and left.

I shouted: "I'm going to Paris tomorrow, don't waste your time." He ignored me, and walked away with his tall body behind my back. He is a beautiful boy with strong arms, a thin waist, a beautiful figure, a warm body, and every inch is full of youth.How can I tell him that I just want to hug him tight, lean against him, walk all over Cambridge and hear his jokes... But Xu Cunzi is here.Xu Cunzi is too important to me.I know Dennis will tell me the best jokes, but when I'm hungry, I have serious doubts about whether the jokes will fill my stomach.Ok, I know Dennis is cute, but what else?

One month, two months, three months, I will be tired of everything about him, it's not worth the risk, and I don't even have to leave room for consideration. I don't even have to be with Dennis Nguyen like I am with Han Tae.Dennis is zero. I finished my homework in the morning and sat down in the dining hall. Dennis Ruan came over.He was wearing skinny jeans and a big T-shirt.it's beautiful. I glanced at him and lowered my head to drink black tea. He said, "I have a friend who knows you." "Who?" I asked coldly. Dennis sat across from me. "He said he knew you very well. His name is Song Jiaming."

My blood was congealed, and I was holding a black teacup, but I didn't know what to do. "Where is he?" There was a trace of panic in my voice. "You really know him?" Dennis asked in surprise. "Yes." I replied, "The world is so small." I murmured. "He will come to see me in a while, and he said he has something to tell you." I've collected myself and said, "Of course he has something to say." I can guess what he's going to say.My stomach feels like a heap of lead.Whoever said this bowl of rice is delicious, it hits the spine.

"How do you know him?" I asked. "I dated his sister for a period," Nguyen said. No more understanding, I nodded. "What did you tell Song Jiaming? What did you say about me?" I asked. "I told him I knew you and fell in love with you," Dennis said. I know that people all over the world want to destroy me.I looked down and sighed. I asked, "Did you also tell me about my sleeping in your dormitory?" "Say it. I said I never knew that oriental girls have such beautiful breasts." Dennis said innocently, "I'm in love with you."

I stared blankly at the teacup in front of me, what would I do?Explanation?shirk?Or let nature take its course? I put my head on my arms and kept silent. Dennis didn't know anything, he asked, "What's wrong with you? You don't look well, why?" I said softly, "Dennis, you met my boyfriend just now, do you know who he is?" "Who? A dirty rich old man." Dennis said angrily. "But it's your friend Song Jiaming's father-in-law, Dennis." I covered my face with my hands. Dennis was so shocked that he stood up and overturned the teacup on the table.

He yelled, "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I don't know, I really don't know." I sighed and looked at him. "I forgive you because you don't know what you're doing." I stood up. "I'm tired and don't feel like going to class this afternoon." "Let me explain for you, everything is a rumor made by me, okay?" He grabbed me and begged, "I really don't know." "Dennis, it's okay, listen to me, it's really okay—" It's ridiculous, I have to comfort him, it's too difficult. "What did I do?" he was on the verge of crying, "What did I do?" I saw Song Jiaming walking into the dining hall, and quickly pressed Dennis down: "Shut up! Don't make any noise, he is here, calm down and pretend nothing happened." Dennis had to sit down. Song Jiaming is still personable, gentle and refined, which is heartbreaking. He nodded to me politely, "Ms. Jiang, hello." Calling "Miss Jiang" is the best greeting.Otherwise, what else could he call me? "It's a small world." I said with a smile.The smile is naturally a little stiff. "Yes, I have known Dennis for a long time." I also smiled. "Have you met Mr. Xu?" I asked. "Not yet." Song Jiaming said. "Mr. Xu will go to Paris with me tomorrow." I added, "If there is no change." "Change? Why is there a change?" Song Jiaming was puzzled. I look at him. "For example, someone said something against me." "Unfavorable words? Do you have any clues in someone's hands?" He asked with a smile while staring at me. "It's not a handle, it's a fact." I said. "What other facts do you think Mr. Xu doesn't know?" he asked me. I was really stunned. "Miss Jiang, if you think you can hide something from Mr. Xu, but you still want others to talk, Miss Jiang, my estimate of you is too high, and your estimate of Mr. Xu is too low." I was so shocked that my face suddenly changed, and I couldn't overcome my fear.What kind of person is Xu Cunzi?How many people did he send to watch me? Song Jiaming said: "I came to visit Dennis, but I didn't expect to meet you." "It's good to meet you, Mr. Song, thank you." I said stiffly. He nodded. Dennis was anxious and uncomfortable, unable to intervene. "I just pity myself." I finished softly, stood up and walked away. I left the dining hall in a free state with a book in my hand, and drove Jahnson Healy home.This is my home?Have I looked at the title deed?No.What do I have?I put all the pounds I had in the drawer into a big paper bag, took the diamond ring with me, and drove to the nearest bank to deposit it and open an account in my own name.It seems to be at ease. What do I have?Thirteen thousand pounds in cash and a ring. When Xu Cunzi came back at night, there was no sign of strangeness on his face.He kissed my forehead, and I ate with him, but couldn't swallow.Are you going to Paris tomorrow? Finally I put down the silver spoon and I said, "You know everything?" He looked up. "What all?" A little surprised. "My everything? Past, present, future." "Know a little," he said, his voice cold. "I saw Song Jiaming today." "I know that." He smiled, he knew everything. I flipped the table, and all the cups, saucers and tableware on the table fell to the ground. It happened that there was no carpet in the dining room, and the glass and china hit the fine teak floor and shattered.The flake splashed on my hand and it started to bleed.I just felt angry, and I yelled: "You bought me, I am your plaything, I just hope you treat me like a child playing with a doll, and I am satisfied, let me remind you, Mr. Xu, I am only more than Ling Qianjin Two years older, she is human, and I am also human, I hope you don't play tricks on me like a cat playing with a mouse, thank you." I turned around, kicked the wine bottle away, and walked out of the dining room without looking back. I went upstairs, turned on the faucet, and washed the blood off my hands. I've never felt so unlucky. I don't think I'm suitable for this job. I'd better quit right away. I'm not used to being like this for the rest of my life. . Blood flowed out from the crack. I didn't feel any pain. I just looked at the washbasin with blood stained red.I wrap my fingers in a towel.Quick, I want to go fast and quickly figure out a way to deal with it. Xu Cunzi knocked on the door, "May I come in?" I opened the door vigorously, "Stop pretending to be a show! This is the house you bought, the woman you bought, everything you bought! I hate people like you, don't worry, I will move out immediately, from now on , I have nothing to do with the surname Xu." "Your hand is bleeding badly, don't you want to see a doctor?" He was completely off topic. "Simpson," I yelled, ringing the bell vigorously. Simpson walked in and stood there bewildered. "Call me a streetcar! Go," I yelled. Xu Cunzi said, "Mrs. Simpson, get out first." "Yes, sir." Mrs. Simpson withdrew immediately. "Stop." I shouted. Xu Cunzi immediately said, "I paid her salary, and I told her to leave." "Very good, you are ruthless, I will walk, goodbye." I took a step forward. He grabs me. "Get off that dirty hand of yours," I said with disgust. "You're going to scold me for being a pig in the next sentence." He was still very gentle, "Sit down." "Why should I sit down?" I asked back. "Because you're 'angry from embarrassment' now, and you can't step down. What you say and do in anger can never be accurate." I glared at him. "You'll regret it, so sit down." I sat on the edge of the bed, and the white coverlet was stained with purple blood. "You're still young, you can't hold your breath." He said, "Where's the ambulance box?" He went into the bathroom and took out the gauze cotton wool. "Give me your hand." I hand out. "The cut was very deep." He said unmoved. "It would be better to have one or two stitches, but we have Baiyao. Wherever the Chinese go, they are still Chinese, carrying earthen medicine powder." I don't say anything. I will always be in the light, and he will always be in the dark. I will be with him one day, and one day will be under his control.The only joy of having an affair with Dennis is because Xu Cunzi doesn't know about it.Now he already knows that everything has become meaningless.I couldn't get off the stage, so I simply lost my temper. Now that I'm on a higher stage, I can't get down. "Yes," he said, "I know everything. He's an attractive young boy who has no shame in matching you, and who likes you a lot. You've had many of them before, and you'll have them in the future." Lots of boyfriends like that. I'm not jealous. I know young men have strong arms, I know, but I'm not mad. You're just a little girl." He bandaged my hands. "I'm not that upside-down with your body—don't get me wrong, you have an excellent figure and skin, but women's bodies are easy to get. I hope that in the future you may love me a little bit and don't hate me." I said blankly, "I don't hate you." "Of course you hate me. You hate me, and you hate yourself too. It's all about money, you feel dirty, you're worthless for yourself, you often compare yourself to intelligence, you hate fate, you hate too much, because you're beautiful Smart and upward, but you have no chance, you sell your youth for the chance I give you, but your wisdom cannot tolerate the shame I give you. So you hate this world." Xu Cunzi sighed. I don't turn my face away. "I'm going to be away from England for a while," he said. I sneer. "Leaving England? Even if you go to Siberia, you still know my every move." Appeared in his will?I quit, I don't have this talent! He turned to me and said, "Let me remind you of one thing, I have this right, we signed the contract, you're mine. I'm not intolerant, but you know, you've got what you need You should pay a price for everything, right? Who told your father not to be called Xu Cunzi?" Listening to these words, I swallowed blood and tears together. "I know your message," I said, "If you want to fire me, please give me two months' notice." "I will." He opened the door and turned his head again, "Am I asking too much? I just hope you like me a little bit." I looked at him with wide eyes. He sighed and left my room. I called the doctor to look at my wounds, then took sleeping pills and went to sleep.Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett O'Hara said. I have a beautiful dream.White wedding in church.I wear a white satin suit and dress, a small white satin hat with a fresh rose wreath on the top of the hat, and white silk. But the phone rang and rang and rang and rang and woke me up. It was later discovered that the phones in the living room downstairs and in my room were ringing at the same time. After a while, Simpson received a call from downstairs.The bell upstairs stopped.Simpson ran up angrily. "Miss Jiang! Miss Jiang." "What's up." "Mr. Xu. He was sent to Sassen Hospital, and he indicated that he wanted to see you—" I jump up. "Where?" I opened the door, "Where? How?" "The hospital called, Mr. Xu had a heart attack—" "What hospital?" I grabbed her by the shoulders and asked. "Sassen—" I had already put on my coat, grabbed the car keys, and ran downstairs barefoot. I drove the express car to the hospital with only one thought in my mind, I was angry, he was angry with me. I shoveled the car onto the grass and parked it, and ran to the emergency room, where I grabbed a nurse, gasping for breath. "CCYUNG! A heart patient." They seemed to be waiting for me and immediately took me to the ward. Xu Cunzi was lying on the white bed. I walked over and I asked the doctor. "He's dead? He's dead?" "No." The voices of the doctors are always so calm, "Dangerous. You can't make noise, he wants to see you-you are Miss Jiang? He can't speak for a while, you can go over and sit on that chair, we will give you five minutes." I walked over slowly and sat down. Xu Cunzi has thin tubes inserted into his nose and mouth, all leading to various instruments. He turned his head slightly to one side, saw me, and wanted to speak, but couldn't. "He's going to take your hand," the nurse said, and she put my hand in his. Suddenly I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, I started to cry, and then burst into tears, the doctor quickly pulled me out of the ward. "I commanded you to keep silent." I knelt on the ground and cried. "Will he die, will he die?" The nurse stopped me. "He won't die, he has passed the dangerous period, can you calm down?" Another doctor said, "Let her go back. The patient cannot be stimulated." Song Jiaming!Suddenly I thought of Song Jiaming. I ran out of the hospital and drove to Darwin College to find Dennis Ruan. He should know where Song Jiaming was. I ran to the boy’s dormitory disheveled and knocked on the door. When Ruan came out and saw me, he immediately said, “What are you doing here? Jiaming has gone to your house.” "He got the news?" I asked angrily. "He went to your house, look at you, you are frozen, let me drive you home. Quick." My lips were trembling, I nodded, I really didn't have the strength to drive the car back. Dennis sighed, he fucked my vassal Healy, and muttered: "Tomorrow the school will check why the grass and daffodils have all been shoveled down. If you come in from the left, even the rose garden will be destroyed together, how can it be?" Isn't it better?" I just trembled and couldn't speak. "Look at you, your hands and feet are bleeding, and your face is a mess." He also drove very fast and came home in no time. Song Jiaming heard the sound of the engine and opened the door, and put his arms around me. "Calm down." He ordered me in a low voice. I just want to hold on to something, and the drowning person just wants to hold on to something. "Don't be afraid, he won't die. Not this time." Song Jiaming said softly. The three of us entered the house, and Ruan closed the door. Mrs. Simpson handed me hot water, and Song Jiaming fed me to drink it. "Go upstairs and change your clothes, go." Song ordered me. "No……" "Go up, I'll go up with you." Song Jiaming's tone must be firm. I stared at Song Jiaming. "No……" "He's never been well. It happened once. Don't be afraid. Go upstairs and let Mrs. Simpson wash your wound." I grabbed Song's clothes and asked for a while, "Why? Why are you so nice to me?" He turned away. Dennis said, "I'll wait here, call me if you need anything." Mrs. Simpson set up a big tub of hot water for me to soak me in.Song Jiaming sat on my bed. He said, "It's like killing a pig." He was still humorous, "In ancient times, killing a pig required using such a large vat of hot water. Or it's like giving birth to a child. I don't always understand why you need to boil hot water to give birth to a child." I am crying.I didn't understand why, but tears flowed down my face completely uncontrollably. Mrs. Simpson dried me and applied the medicine. I'm like a wooden man, just crying.Nothing in my life has made me sadder than this. I feel that the crime is serious, and I feel sorry for the people of Xu's family. I got dressed and came out of the bathroom. Mrs. Simpson dressed me and tied my hair. Song Jiaming sighed.He said in a very soft voice: "It's unexpected. Mr. Xu fell in love with you, and you fell in love with him." "What?" I asked. He sighed and remained silent. "What?" I asked again. Song Jiaming said: "The hospital also notified me, but the doctor said he only wanted to see you, so I rushed to pick you up, but Mrs. Simpson said that you had already left." "Did you see him?" I asked. "He didn't say he wanted to see me." Song Jiaming replied, "He just said he wanted to see you." "Is he all right?" I asked. "We'll go see him tomorrow morning." Song replied, "It'll be fine." We went downstairs and the three of us sat in the living room with Dennis until dawn. At dawn we went to the hospital, and Dennis went back to the dormitory.Jiaming was sitting at the door, and I was the only one entering the ward. The tubes on Xu Cunzi's body have been reduced a lot, and the nurse warned me seriously: "Don't disturb him." I nod. I squatted beside him, maintaining the closest distance, and held his hand. He opened his eyes, saw that it was me, nodded slightly, closed his eyes again, moved his mouth, wanted to say something, I put my ear close to his mouth. "I'm old," he said. I shook my head desperately, not knowing what to deny, and buried my face in his hands. "You can go back, sleep well, and study hard." I said: "Yes." "I came out of the hospital to see you, you don't have to come to see me anymore, you didn't go to Paris..." I nodded and shook my head again. The nurse came over and said softly to me, "Don't talk too much." I took Xu Cunzi's hand and kissed it. "I'm leaving," I said. He closed his eyes and nodded. I walk out of the ward. Jiaming and I walked out of the hospital side by side. "Did he want to see me?" he asked. I shook my head and walked lightly behind him. "Do you want to see Conghui Congshu?" Jia Ming asked again. "No." I said. "The doctor said he will be discharged soon." Jia Ming said. "I didn't know he had a heart attack," I said. Jiaming paused, and then said, "Please excuse my rudeness, Miss Jiang, but you actually don't know anything about Xu Cunzi." "Yes, you are right." "He's rich." Song Jiaming began to say, "You know that, don't you? We don't know much about the rest." I listen. "His business is in Zurich, and he often goes to Belgium. I doubt that he makes diamonds, but he also makes gold, shipbuilding and silver. He knows famous people all over the world and is very powerful. His most beautiful apartment is in Paris. Clarke Avenue—next door to Princess Grace of Monaco." I walked slowly, and Jiaming stayed with me all the time. "All I know is that he has two daughters and one son. Congshu is always on his mind. Congshu is too disappointing. The problem is that he doesn't have to live up to it." Jiaming continued, "Xu Cunzi lived in Zurich for at least half a year. I came to England only to see you." I can't say a word. "He's very possessive and shoots big. I really admire him." I asked, "Does he like you?" Jiaming smiled wryly. "It's hard to win someone like him." I said, "...there are as many rich people as poor people in the world." "Yes." Jia Ming said, "but like he has so much money...so much...you may not know, he bought a fort in Scotland——" "Scotland?" I murmured. "For you," Jia Ming said, "Xu Cunzi asked me to do this. I asked him why Scotland. The weather in Spain is brighter, and it is cheaper to defend more. But he said: 'Xibao likes Scotland' .” I asked blankly, "A whole fort?" McBeth's fort. "Seventy rooms." Song Jiaming smiled wryly, "The 14-acre garden is under renovation. Open the electric iron gate, and the car will drive for ten minutes before reaching the gate." "but……" "Is he richer than you imagined?" Jia Ming asked. We didn't take a car and walked all the way home. After Xu Cunzi was discharged from the hospital, she did not visit me again.He flew to Zurich.I have been obedient in Cambridge alone for a long, long time.I owe him.I really owe him that. Dennis Nguyen didn't dare to come to me, his affair was over.Song Jiaming behaved with his usual demeanor and didn't mention the incident between me and Ruan.Song probably already knew my position in Xu Cunzi's heart, and he didn't dare to offend me—or maybe, at some point, he had clearly forgiven me. It is wisdom that hates me now. I managed to send the report card, homework scores, and the letter of praise from the head of the department to Xu Cunzi's company in Zurich.There seemed to be a real relationship between us. He wrote to me, in his own hand, not in the secretary's handwriting. I also wrote a letter to him, which was very long, and I took the letter as a vent and sustenance for all my emotions. At this time, I completely lost contact with my mother. What can she do for me?If I tell her my troubles, how can it help?Why not tell Xu Cunzi.He is like my god.If I say, "... Saw an ad for Rolls 'Carmike' in a magazine..." His next letter will say, "You don't drive a Carmike, but I'll buy one..." I'm all prayers were answered.He was powerful, powerful, powerful, and above all, willing, and fate brought me to him. Jiaming and I became friends. He stayed in London and took over Xu Cunzi's transportation company. We met many times. Song Jiaming sometimes asks me personal questions, like: "How does Xu Cunzi remit money to you?" I honestly said: "There is an unlocked drawer in the library, the banknotes in it are always full, how much I use, and how much someone puts in, it keeps disappearing, and I never ask who made it." "Isn't it like a cornucopia?" He laughed. I also laugh. "Women, the current price is different every day." Song Jiaming said, "I was eating at 'Xia Hui' a few days ago, and I met a dancer in the Taipei Singapore dance hall. , travel.’ I asked, ‘Are you married?’ She laughed: ‘Wait for registration.’ Before I had time to add, ‘I live in Repulse Bay in Hong Kong.’ You see, women have many ways. Of course Xu Cunzi can’t Seeing this vulgar fan..." He looked at me. But I asked him, "How did you end up in a dance hall in Singapore?" "Are you kidding me? Anyone who has been to Taipei has never been to Singapore? Do you know how many ladies there are in the Singapore ballroom? Two thousand." Song Jiaming laughed again. I said, "You don't look like that kind of man." Song Jiaming said: "Miss Jiang, there are only two types of men: "Whether rich or not, everyone is the same. " "Women?" I asked. "There are many types of women." He replied. "Which one am I? Which kind is wisdom?" I asked again. "You are very special." Song Jiaming said, "Unpredictable. You are really worthy of Xu Cunzi's hard work." "Really? Didn't you mean to please me?" He snorted with a smile. "If I had the ability, if I didn't love myself so much, I would compete with Xu Cunzi for you." I smile. "You did this not for me, but to compete with Xu Cunzi." "Not necessarily. But I have to admit that without Xu Cunzi thinking about you, you wouldn't be the Jiang Xibao you are today." I said: "Crowded on the road station for half an hour, no matter how beautiful the beauty is, her face is covered with dust and her hair is like frost. The Jiang Xibao you saw that day is completely different from the Jiang Xibao today. Today, I have been raised by Xu Cunzi for half a year. , how can it be the same as before?" "You're right." He nodded. "Where is Smart, Mr. Song?" I always call him Mr. Song, but he calls me "Miss Jiang". "Smart?" he smiled. "You know babies who are born without brains, and lights are put on the back of their heads, and the light shines through their pupils. Now people call this brainless girl the 'Golden Girl', Intelligence is one of them." I was so shocked, I stared at Song Jiaming. "You mean—you don't like intelligence?" He changes the subject. "Love? What is love?" he asked me. I honestly answered, "I don't know." "You should know." Jia Ming said. "No, I don't know," I said. "Xu Cunzi loves you." "Him?" I laughed, "Mr. Song, you are too much." "If a person wants to see you when he is dying, then he loves you." Song Jiaming reminded me. "But why?" I was very skeptical. "I don't know. You are fated because of fate. He is sixty-five years old this year, and you are only twenty-one." He shrugged. "He's sixty-five?" I asked. "Didn't you see the license plate of his 'Damla'? CCY65—Xu Cunzi 65. At least sixty-five years old. He bought that car when he was sixty-five years old." I turned my face the other way. "Are you still doing it for his money?" Song asked. I don't answer.I'm rich enough.To leave him now I can go right away.But who else is going to listen to me?Who would be interested in rereading the trivialities of my long letter?He is indeed old.But he was always there for me, and he was there when I needed him most. young people. Their promises flow out of their mouths like water, ranging from marriage, future, and love.From gifts, letters, phone calls, appointments.Say it and forget it, everything is a lie, lies are piled on top of lies, even their own heads are in a mess, like watching a kaleidoscope, turning and turning, the colorful patterns are actually just made up of broken glass in a small mirror Patterns - I've seen too much, heard too much, and waited too long.Disappointment again and again. I think of my twenty-one years of life—not a single thing is real. Only Xu Cunzi. Not for his money.After he entered the hospital this time, it was no longer for his money.The cash in the bank is enough for me to finish my Cambridge studies, and now it's not just for his money, he is the only person in the world who loves me. Don't ask me what love is, I don't know, Xu Cunzi's infinite giving should be part of love. Song Jiaming shook his head. "You don't know human nature. People like to perform. You are the best audience. You even know how to choose fortresses. His money should not be spent unjustly." He smiled, "Your ability to discern poverty satisfies him. .” I said: "Maybe he will give me a set of Van Gogh's paintings, no more, no less, a dozen or so, and hang them in the library casually like that." "Miss Jiang, you have a big appetite." "I am responsible for the price increase of garlic in Cambridge. My tone is bigger than my appetite." I smiled. We chat almost like brother and sister.Gradually I also felt inappropriate, gradually I also felt uneasy, we talked too much and met too frequently.Even when I was clerk at court, he would pop up to see me and sit there just to see me. He does not mention wisdom, nor does he mention forgiveness.I deliberately asked: "How about your golden girl?" "Basking in the sun, the biggest problem in her life is (1) sunbathing so that she can have a golden-brown beautiful skin all year round? Or (2) not sunbathing, lest ultraviolet light promotes premature freckles and wrinkles." "Don't be so sarcastic." I couldn't help but say. "You also know how smart you are," he asked, "do you think I've gone too far?" "She's just..." I am melancholy and yearning, "immature, but her nature is so cute." Song Jiaming smiled and put his hands in his trouser pockets.He wore a flannel suit, trousers of the same material, pleated at the waist, and a thin black alligator belt.White Viennese shirt, gray silk tie - Windsor knot, plus a hand-knitted white wool vest. I asked, "Who chose the clothes for you?" He wondered, "Why do you suddenly ask such a question?" "You dress really well." "I only wear three colors," he said. "Is that good?" I smile. "I only wear one color." "Yes, last summer, every time I saw you, I thought: 'This girl only wears white,'" Jia Ming said. "Thanks," I said, "I didn't know you noticed me." "Everyone notices you. Smartness really shouldn't bring you back." I laugh, "Like Sheila Cliff in 'Wuthering Heights,' the wolf among the sheep?" Song Jiaming rubbed his nose and said with a smile, "I'm not so sure who is the sheep and who is the wolf. There is no signature on anyone's forehead." I asked: "Where is Congshu?" I always have to ask Congshu. He was silent for a while. "Congshu is in the nursing home from the beginning to the end." He finally said. "I don't believe it." Shocked, "How long has it been?" "Seven months, he is fine, but he would rather live in a nursing home." Jia Ming smiled wryly, "You may not know, but he writes you a letter every day—" I look up. "I haven't received a single letter." "Nobody mailed it for him." "Who reads those letters?" I asked. "The letter is with Mr. Xu." Jia Ming said, "Only Mr. Xu knows the content." "what?" "Has he ever received my letter?" I asked, "Did Mr. Xu send someone to reply to Congshu in my handwriting?" "Smart woman." Jia Ming said, "'Your letter' is ghostwritten by Cong Qi, about one letter every two weeks." "Messy content?" "No, very concerned about the content, maintain a distance, like brothers and sisters." "If only Mr. Xu read Congshu's letter, how would Congqi answer?" I asked. "They always have a way." Jia Ming smiled, "The people of the Xu family always have a way." "Congshu, is he really alright?" "It's okay. If he was born in a poor family, worked a humble job from 9 to 5, and listened to the boss's orders, he would be the healthiest person in Hong Kong." Now Song Jiaming's harshness is rarely used on me. "Congshu has nothing else to do except to act like Lin Daiyu." Jiaming said, "I forgive him very much." I looked at Song Jiaming. "What about you? Why did you stay at Xu's house? You are a talented person, and you can find a life anywhere." "Talent?" He mocked, "There are too many talents. How many PH.D. It is obvious to all. Miss Jiang, I am more pitiful than you, Miss Jiang, I am more pitiful than you." His voice gradually dropped. Pitiful.Song Jiaming would use these two words.Pitiful. "You are a woman, who dares to laugh at you. I am a man, I despise myself first. If Conghui's father is not Xu Cunzi, maybe I will really fall in love with her. She is not without merit, she is beautiful, she is innocent, she Kindness. But now I hate." How bitter these words are. "Mr. Xu can see my intentions. He likes Fang Jiakai more. Jiakai and Congqi are a little distant from him, so the two of them are more likely to please him." I don't need to tell Song Jiaming.I know who Xu Cunzi likes the most. I. Why this is so, I don't know.Fate, as Song Jiaming said, fate.All unclear and unclear things are classified as fate and love, and the poverty of human knowledge cannot be increased. I asked, "Is it because of me that Congshu was admitted to the nursing home?" "No. He's waited a long time for this excuse. Now he's killing himself again for girls, where he used to be for boys." I rest my head on my hands. "If they all love me, then I'm so happy. Only a year ago, I told myself. I need love, a lot of love. If there is no love, then give me a lot of money, and if there is no money, then I还有健康……”我喃喃地说，“现在这么多人说爱我……”连韩国泰都忽然开始爱我，丹尼斯阮，勖聪恕，还有站在我面前的宋家明。嗅都可以嗅得出来。 我冷笑。忽然之间我成为香饽饽了，不外是因为现在勖存姿重视我。世上的人原本如此，要踩大家一起踩一个人，要捧起来争着捧。 这年头男人最怕女人会缠住他嫁他，因为我是勖存姿的人，他们少掉这一层恐惧与顾虑，一个个人都争着来爱我。 我无法消受这样的恩宠，真的。 不过宋家明还是宋家明，他一直只对我说理智的话，态度暧昧是另外一件事。 也没多久，聪慧飞来伦敦。人们知道玛丽莎白兰沁，但不知道勖聪慧。人们知道嘉洛莲公主，但不知道勖聪慧。聪慧一生人有大半时间在飞机上度过。她根本不知道她要追求什么，她也不在乎。她一生只做错一件事，去年暑假回香港时，她不该一时兴致勃发，乘搭二等客机座，以致遇见了我。 她穿着非常美丽的一件银狐大衣，看到我不笑不说话，把手绕在她未婚夫的臂弯里。 是她指明要见我的，我给她父亲面子，才赶来看她。 “有重要的事？” “自然有，爹说下个月来这里。”她说，“爹的遗嘱是在英国立的，他要改动内容，叫你在场，怎么，满意吧？”聪慧冷冷地说。 为什么要我在场？为什么要我知道？我现在不开心了。我是实实在在，真的不开心。我要花的钱已经足够足够。但他为什么不亲自通知我，而要借聪慧的嘴，他是不是想逼聪慧承认我？逼勖家全体成员承认我？要我去做众人眼里的针？ 聪慧说：“我们届时会聚在伦敦，爹爹叫我们全体在场。” 我不关心。我不会在那里。 聪慧的手一直紧紧揽着家明，一刻不离，我假装看不见。聪慧并不见得有宋家明想象中的那么单纯，不过她这个疑心是多余的，天下的男人那么多，吃饭的地方不拉屎，勾搭上宋家明对我有什么好处？对他有什么好处？况且我们现在份属友好，很谈得拢。目前我没有这种企图。 可是聪慧已经在疑心。 她说：“妈妈说那次没把你看清楚，很是遗憾。” I don't ring.本来想反驳几句，后来觉得已经占尽风光，何苦不留个余地，于是维持沉默。 我说：“如果没有其他的事，我想我可以回剑桥了。” “哦，还有，爹叫我带这个给你，亲手交到。”她递给我一只牛皮信封。 我看看家明。马上当他们面拆开来。是香港的数份英文报纸。寻人广告，登得四分之一页大：“寻找姜喜宝小姐，请即与澳洲奥克兰咸密顿通话（02）786一09843联络为要。”我抬起头来。 家明马上问：“什么日子？” 都是三天至七日前的，一连登了好几天。 Mother.I have a hunch. 家明说：“我想起来了，天，你有没有看《泰晤时报》？我没想到那是寻你的。” 他马上翻出报纸，我们看到三乘五寸那么大的广告：“寻找姜喜宝女士，请联络奥克兰……” 我惶恐地抬起头：“我没有看见。我没有看见——” “现在马上打过去，快。”家明催促，“你还等什么？” 聪慧问：“什么事？” 我说：“我母亲，她在澳洲……”我彷徨起来。 家明替我取过电话，叫接线生挂长途电话。他说道：“也许你很久没写信给她了，她可牵记你——” 家明是关心我的。 No.我母亲从来不牵记我。我再失踪十年，她也不会登了这么大的广告来寻我，况且现在寻找的并不是她，而是咸密顿。 电话隔五分钟才接通。这五分钟对我来说，长如半世纪。我问着无聊的问题：“澳洲与伦敦相差多少小时？十四个？”“电话三分钟是若干？” 宋家明烦躁地跟我说：“你为什么不看报纸？广告登出已经第三天！连我都注意到。只是我不晓得你母亲在澳州，他们又拼错了你的名字——” 是咸密顿…… 聪慧说：“电话接通了，家明，你闭嘴好不好？”她把电话交给我。 我问：“咸密顿先生？” “喜宝？”那边问。 “咸密顿先生。”我问，“我母亲如何了？”声音颤抖着。 “喜宝，我想你要亲自来一次。喜宝，我给你详细地址，你最好亲自来一次奥克兰——我真高兴终于把你联络上了，你看到报上的广告？” 我狂叫：“告诉我！我母亲怎么了？” "she--" “她在什么地方？说。” “你必须安静下来，喜宝。” “你马上说。”我把声线降低，“快。” “喜宝，你的母亲自杀身亡了。” 我老妈？ 刹那间我一点声音都听不到，心里平静之至，眼前一切景象似慢镜头似地移动，我茫然抓着话筒抬起头，看着家明与聪慧。 聪慧问：“是什么？什么消息？” 我朝电话问：“如何死的？” 咸密顿鸣咽的声音，“她自二十七楼跳下来，她到城里去，找到最高的百货公司，然后她跳下来。” 我间：“那是几时的事？”我的声音又慢又有条理，自己听着都吃惊。 聪慧与家明静候一边。 “十天之前，”感密顿在那边哭出声来。“我爱她，我待她至好，一点儿预兆都没有，我真不明白——” “她葬在哪里？” “他们不能把她凑在一块儿——你明白？” “明白。”我说。 在这种时刻，我居然会想到一首歌：“亨蒂敦蒂坐在墙上，亨蒂敦蒂摔了一大跤，皇帝所有的人与皇帝的马，都不能再将亨蒂敦蒂凑回一起。”亨蒂敦蒂是那个蛋头人。 “你母亲是火葬的。”咸密顿在那边说。 “我会尽快赶来。”我说，“我会马上到。”我挂上电话。我走到椅子上坐下。把报纸摊开来，看着那段寻人广告，我的手放在广告上面，一下一下地平摸着。聪慧有点儿害怕。“喜宝——”她走过来坐在我身边。 我抬起头来，对宋家明说：“请你，请你与勖先生商量，我应该怎么做。”我的声音很小地恳求。 “是。”宋家明的答案很简单，他把电话机拿到房间去，以便私人对话。 “喜宝——”聪慧想安慰我。 我拍拍她肩膀，表示事情一切可以控制，我可以应付。 我的老妈。 我用手撑着头。啊妈妈，今年应该四十二岁了吧？照俗例加三岁，应是四十五。她还漂亮，还很健康。我那美丽可怜的母亲。经过这些年的不如意，我满以为她已习惯，但是她还是做了一件这么唐突的事。老妈，为什么？除却死亡可以做的尚有这么多，妈妈。 聪慧间：“喜宝，你要哭吗？如果你想哭的话，不要勉强，哭出来较好一点儿。” “谢谢你。”我说，“不，我并不想哭。” “那么你在想什么？你可别钻牛角尖。”聪慧说。 “我只是在想，”我抬起头，“我母亲在世间四十余年，并没有一日真正得意过。” “我不明白——我——” 家明走出房间，走到我身边，把手按在我手上。他的手是温暖的。这是我第一次碰到他的手。 他清晰地说：“勖先生吩咐我陪你马上到奥克兰去，我们向学校告假五天，速去速回，把骨灰带回来。勖先生说人死不能复生，叫你镇静。” I nod. "yes." “我已订好票子，两点半时间班机，我们马上准备。” "Thank you." I said. 聪慧说：“我也去。” 宋家明忽然翻了脸，他对聪慧说：“你给我坐在那里。” 聪慧响也不敢响。 “你穿好大衣，”宋家明对我说，“我们不用带太多行李。现款我身边有。快！聪慧，开车送我们到飞机场。” 聪慧没奈何，只好听宋家明每一句吩咐。 家明低声跟我说：“勖先生在苏黎世有急事，不能离开，派我也是一样。” “是。”我说，“我知道，谢谢。” 他替我穿上大衣，扶我出门口。 我说：“我没事，我可以走。” 在车上他要与我坐后座，由聪慧驾驶，我坚持叫他与聪慧并排坐，因为我想打横躺着休息。家明终于与聪慧一起坐。他用一贯沉着的语气跟我说：“随后我又与咸密顿先生通了一次话，他说你父亲看到广告与他联络过。长途电话，费用是咸密顿支付的。” 我问：“我父亲说什么？” “没什么。他说你母亲不像是会自杀的人。” “就那样？”我问。 “就那样。”家明答。 我吞一口唾沫。“我给你们一整家都增加了麻烦……事实上我可以一个人到奥克兰去……对我来说稀疏平常，我时常一个人来来去去……” 宋家明有力地截断我道：“这是勖先生的吩咐。” I nod.yes.勖存姿把我照顾得熨贴入微，没有半丝漏洞。他什么都知道，我保证他什么都知道。 我问：“勖先生可知道我母亲的死因？” “勖先生说：人死不能复生。”宋家明说。 之后便是沉默。 到飞机场聪慧把我们放下来，她问，“你们几号回来？什么时间？我来接。” “我会再通知你。”家明说，“开车回去时当心。” 聪慧点点头，把车子掉头开走。 我说：“你对聪慧不必大嚷。” 家明冷冷地说：“每个女人有时都得对她大嚷一次。” “包括我？”我问。 “你不是我的女人。”他说。 我们登机，一切顺利得很。人们会以为这一对年轻男女是蜜月旅行吧。局外人永远把事情看得十全十美，而事实上我不过是往奥克兰去取母亲的骨灰。 在飞机上我开始对宋家明说及我的往事。小小段，这里琐屑的一片，那里拾起来的一块，我只是想寻个人聆听，恰巧家明在我身边。 “……我们一直穷。”我说，“可是母亲宁愿冒切煤气的危险，先把现款买了纱裙子给我穿，托人送我进贵族学校。”我停一停，“……七岁便带我去穿耳洞，戴一副小金铃耳环。” 家明非常耐心地听着。 飞机上的人都睡着了，只有我在他耳边悄悄低低地说话。 “我们没有钱买洗头水，用肥皂粉洗头，但是头发一定是干净的……我的母亲与我，老实说，我们不像母女，我们像一对流氓，与街市上其他的流氓斗法，我不知道我是怎么长大的。父亲是二流子，我跟母亲的姓……但是我长大了。终于长大了，而且也一样来了外国，一样做起留学生来。” 我喝着飞机女侍应递上来的白酒，一定要把我自己交代清楚。 我问家明：“你听得倦了吧？” 家明说：“尽管说下去，我非常有兴趣。” “你知道我是怎么到英国来的？笑死你。母亲在航空公司做满五年，公司送她一张来回日本飞机票，她去换了单程伦敦的票子，跟我说：“去，小宝，到英国去，好歹去一阵子，算是镀过金留过学的。”然后她有三千港元节蓄，把我塞上飞机。你不会相信。” 我把头靠在家明肩膀上。 我说：“我连厚的大衣都没有一件。报名到一间秘书学校去念书，学费去掉两百镑——以后？别问我以后是怎么过的。以后我看见过各式各样的面色，听过很多假的应允，真的谎话。很多人认为只有在革命或打仗的时候才能吃到苦头，其实到了那个时候，大势已去，不是死就是活，听天由命……或者我这一切说出是微不足道的——世界上那么多女人，其中一人心灵自幼受到创伤，算是什么呢？我们不能够人人都做勖聪慧。” 我发泄。 家明把他的手揽住我肩膀。 “这是我第二次乘头等客机。”我说，“以后我将会有许多许多这样的机会，你放心，我会好好地做人，我的机会比我母亲好。” “一切很快会过去。” “是的，一切。”我喃喃地说，“我想母亲一定是倦了，从甲男身边飘到乙男身边，从一份工作又飘到另一份工作。她或者没有进过集中营，走警报逃难，或者没有吃过这种苦，但是她一样有资格疲倦，她一样有资格自杀。” 家明说：“你睡一会儿，快睡一儿。飞机马上要到了。” “到了？真快。”我说。 飞机到了。宋家明早通知咸密顿接我们。咸密顿一边流泪一边诉说。那么大的一个男人，崩溃得像小孩子一样，由此可知母亲这次给他的打击有多么大。 车子驶到他家要大半日，但我与宋家明还是去了。澳洲那种无边无涯沙漠似的单调。其实沙漠是瑰丽的，但是人们惯性地把沙漠与枯燥连贯在一起，我也不明白。我不明白的事有这么多。 我木着一张脸，宋家明却在车上盹着了。 我们到达咸密顿的屋子。一幢很摩登样很现代化的平房，有花圃，四间房间，车房里尚有两部车子。 “她的房间呢？”我淡淡地问。 我看到老妈的房间，很漂亮，像杂志上翻到的摩登家庭，墙纸窗帘与床垫是一整套的。梳妆台上放着各式化妆品，甚至有一瓶“妮娜烈兹”的“夜间飞行”香水。她的生活应当不错。 拉开衣橱，衣服也一整柜。老妈一生中最好的日子应是现在。 我不明白母亲，我从没有尝试过，很困难的———个人要了解另一个人，即使是母女，父子、兄弟、夫妻，不可能的事，我只问一个问题—— “你替姜咏丽买过人寿保险？”我问得很可笑的。 咸密顿叫嚷着：“警方问完你又来问，我告诉你，没有，一个子儿也没有买！我不是那种人，我爱咏丽。”他掩着脸呜呜地哭。 我并没有被感动，若干年前我会，现在不，世界上很多人善于演戏，他们演戏，我观剧。观众有时候也很投入剧情，但只限于此。 我们在一间汽车旅馆内休息。宋家明着我服安眠药睡觉，他与勖存姿联络。 我还是做梦了。 信。很多的信。很多的信自信箱里跌出来。我痛快地看完一封又一封，甚至递给我丈夫看。我丈夫是一个年轻人，爱我敬我，饭后佣人收拾掉碗筷，我们一起看电视。