Chapter 3 Chapter 2 Wings of Jealousy

When she ran into him outside the cafe that day, she couldn't believe that he was the owner of that back.He's on crutches, his clothes are a little scruffy, and he's standing in line for coffee.However, the hair that is used to go around the ears and grow to the neck, the pair of rimless glasses, the tall and thin nose, and the thin figure are all very similar. He probably felt someone staring at him from behind.After taking the coffee, he turned towards her slowly, and she saw the fact she didn't want to see: after seven years, he became a disabled person.Before he could say anything, tears welled up in his eyes.

For a moment, he realized what she was thinking. He held the coffee in one hand and pulled up the baggy trousers with the other, revealing a leg covered in plaster. Knowing that she was too nervous, she wiped away the tears on her face in embarrassment, but she couldn't hide the moisture in her eyes.Perhaps moved by her silly tears, with a long-lost reunion smile, he first said: "Xia Xinju, long time no see, how are you?" "Mr. Xu." That's what she used to call him. "When did you come back?" she asked as the two sat down in the cafe. "A year ago," he said.

"Why is your leg hurt?" "I fell off while changing a light bulb at home the other day," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Are you still on the radio?" he asked. "Don't you listen to the radio?" He shook his head, as if he didn't care anymore. With a look of disappointment, she said: "I host the evening show now." "Is it eleven o'clock?" She nodded. "You must be the hottest disc jockey right now." She shook her head shyly.In front of him, she will never be anything. "Broken leg and still walking to buy coffee?" she asked.

"No way, I drink too much coffee." He said with a smile. Xu Zhiren lives near the cafe.On the way back with him, she told him that she had started yoga lessons with an Anglo-Indian woman in this neighborhood two weeks ago. "If I didn't break my foot, I'd like to learn it too," he joked. He lived on the top floor of an old three-story apartment building with no lift. "If I had known I would break my leg, I would have rented the bottom floor." He struggled up the stairs. He took out the key and opened the door. It was sunny outside, but inside the room there was only a ray of sunlight coming in through the gray and stained windows.In the dilapidated apartment with few decent pieces of furniture, what greets the eye is the floor-to-ceiling pile of records, an astonishing number comparable to the music library of the radio station.Next to a high-backed red velvet chair stood an electronic piano and three drums.

"Do you still play the drums?" she asked. "By chance." He limped into the kitchen, poured her a glass of water, and told her that he composed music for a foreign record company.Only then did she know that in the past few years, he composed several songs that she thought were remarkable.He didn't use his real name, so she didn't know that the song that haunted her heart for many nights was originally written by him.Before they met, they had long wanted to see each other in music. She picked up the drum stick and played for a while. Her drum was learned after he left.A lost emotional beat echoed in her heart again.She put down the drumsticks, her throat tightened with tension:

"Mr. Xu, if you don't mind, let me buy coffee for you every day!" She picked up the drumsticks and beat the drum again, like an escapist, she didn't raise her eyes to look at him, afraid that he would say no. In this way, after the yoga class every day, he not only brings coffee, but also cooks for him, buys daily necessities and tidies up the place for him.She knows that her cooking skills are very reluctant, and she is afraid that he will get tired of it.Sometimes, he would help him downstairs and drive him to the seaside for an afternoon tea or dinner in her small cabin.Most of the time, she would stay in the house, put on her headphones, and listen to his record collection for hours on end.When he is happy, he will use the electronic piano to play a piece of music he has just composed for her.Sometimes, he won't speak for a whole day.At these moments, she wondered if she was unwelcome and felt depressed.However, the next day, seeing his smile, she was relieved.She gradually became familiar with his temper as she did many years ago.He hasn't changed at all, he will have a sudden good mood, and he will get angry for no reason.

She never asked him what happened in the past seven years.After all, she was a little afraid of him. When she was just admitted to the radio station, she was a newcomer without confidence.That year, besides her, there were two women and three men who were trained together.Not to mention the men, those two women are both prettier than her. What a disc jockey needs is a pleasant voice, but a good face is a passport to everything.In this regard, she is a bit inferior.She is probably not ugly, but she is too ordinary.She even wondered if the voice that she had been complacent about was not as good as she thought.

There are several instructors in the training class, one of them is Xu Zhiren. When he was sixteen years old, he worked part-time as a disc jockey on the radio station. His unique hosting style, deep voice and musical talent made him stand out.At that time, a record company planned to promote him as a singer, but he refused.Only twenty-four years old, he became the program director of the radio station. He has a keyboard and three drums in his office.Everyone knows that if he locked himself inside and played the piano that day, he would be in a good mood.If there were angry drums beating inside, it was best not to mess with him.She didn't know what to do, and got a stick.

That day, she was looking for him urgently, knocked on the door, and rushed in without waiting for his answer. "Mr. Xu!" Before she could finish these three words, he threw a drum stick in his hand towards the top of her head, staring at her angrily with sweaty eyes and shouting: "Idiot, get out!" She hurriedly withdrew, full of embarrassment and grievances, hid and cried for a long time. Later she knew that at such a time, there was only one person who dared to walk in and could calm him down, and that was Xing Lijun.Xing Lijun was the most popular disc jockey on the radio at that time, hosting the program at eleven o'clock in the evening.Her voice is like an angel, she is beautiful, she has long straight hair, and she is very good at dressing up.She is two years older than Xu Zhiren, and they are a couple in the radio station.Wherever they go, they are dazzling.

She envied Xing Lijun very much, if she looked like that, her life would be much easier.If she had her luck, she wouldn't have to try so hard.If Xu Zhiren was her man, she would be a happy woman.All these thoughts produced a strange emotion in her.When those male colleagues praised Xing Lijun in private, she would remain silent.When the female colleagues discussed Xing Lijun's makeup and clothes behind her back, she never expressed her opinion.Unlike the other two female students in the class, she often looks for opportunities to get close to Xing Lijun like a little movie fan.However, she also listens to Xing Lijun's program every night, and even records the program and listens to it repeatedly.

At that time, she had a boyfriend by her side, but she couldn't control her admiration for Xu Zhiren.This kind of secret love does not have a trace of guilt. She believes that this kind of feeling is a little bit detached, and it is a kind of appreciation and yearning that surpasses the love between men and women.She tried her best to hide this shy feeling very deeply. Xu Zhiren taught her many things.She never knew that she was outstanding, until after graduating from the training class, there was a vacancy in the all-night show, and Xu Zhiren hired her as the host.Other students are just running errands in other people's programs, but she can be the host. She accepted this task timidly, the pressure in her heart was terrible.She can't let him down.Everyone said that her voice was a bit similar to Xing Lijun's. God knows why, she decided to imitate her at that time.From the first night, she spoke in Xing Lijun's tone and paused in Xing Lijun's way, which did not bother her at all. For several months, she had been listening to Xing Lijun's program repeatedly.She soon learned how foolish the imitation was.One night in the middle of the night, when she played the last song on the show, Xu Zhiren rushed into the studio, his face flushed with anger, he slapped the stage hard, and shouted: "Who are you imitating?" She stood there frightened, grabbing the earphone on her forehead, not knowing what to do. "Who do you think you are? You don't respect your job at all! Do you think I can't hear it?" He ripped off her earphones and drove her out of the studio.She cried and pushed him out.In an instant, her self-esteem was shattered.She squatted on the dark corridor, crying tears of shame and embarrassment. When Xu Zhiren came out of the studio, she stood up against the wall sobbing. "Come with me." He said coldly. She followed him silently, and he went into one of the studios, sat at the console, and said to her: "You don't need to do the show tomorrow." She fought back the tears welling in her eyes.For a moment, she thought that everything that happened tonight was nothing more than what Xing Lijun said to Xu Zhiren.Xing Lijun is afraid of the threat of newcomers, he wants to protect his girlfriend.She gritted her teeth and looked at him fiercely. "Starting tomorrow, you will wait for me here every night." She didn't understand what he meant. "You do a show here every night for me, and you can't go back to your show until I think you can do it." It turned out that he had no intention of giving up on her. "Xia Xinju, you have to be yourself, you are very talented." He said. At that moment, she could no longer control her tears.She whimpered in front of him, and there was a smile in her sobs. "Thank you, Mr. Xu." She said while crying. After that day, she made a program that would not be broadcast to him every night in the live broadcast room.That long time when they were alone.Until one day, he said: "You can go back to do the show." Instead, she was reluctant to go back. She still has a long way to go, but Xu Zhiren gave her confidence.She couldn't help thinking that he was special to her.She didn't know whether it was because of her talent or something else.Several times in the studio, when they were face to face, in the lingering vocals, she felt an alien pitch for each other.She has a lot of visions for him. One day, on the way back to the radio station, she saw Xu Zhiren's car carrying Xing Lijun.Most of Xing Lijun's body was perched on him intimately, and he held the steering wheel with one hand, talking happily with her.The car passed by her, and she seemed to be deflated, getting slower and slower.She suddenly felt an unspeakable sourness, she thought Xu Zhiren was special to her.Once compared with Xing Lijun, what is she?It's just a yellow-haired girl.She didn't understand why Xu Zhiren fell in love with an older woman.Although Xing Lijun looks very young, in the future, she will look older than him.Is she jealous of Xing Lijun?She will not admit it.How could she be jealous of a woman older than her?However, the only thing she is better than Xing Lijun is her youth. She always thought that Xing Lijun didn't take her seriously.One day, she was waiting for the elevator in the lobby. When the elevator came down, the door opened slowly, and a man and a woman were arguing inside.The woman said: "Why are you so nice to Xia Xinju?" They didn't realize that the lift door had opened, and Xia Xinju was standing outside.Seeing her, Xing Lijun stepped out of the elevator with a straight face and walked towards the live broadcast room.Xu Zhiren walked out of the radio station.She had to pretend she didn't hear anything.She went in, pressed the floor number, and the elevator door closed. She looked up at the floor display screen, feeling both happy and worried.She was happy because she aroused Xing Lijun's jealousy, and worried because she was afraid that Xu Zhiren would alienate her. Then one day, she met Xing Lijun in a casserole in the corridor, and she couldn't avoid it. She lacked experience in dealing with such situations, so she had to lean against the wall and walk forward, but Xing Lijun came over and said to her generously: "You The program is doing well, work hard!" At that moment, she seemed petty instead. Xing Lijun's generosity is not a pretense, she does not care about fame, when she was the most popular, she resolutely decided to study in Europe.Xu Zhiren was actually willing to give up his thriving career for her, and accompany her to pursue her dreams. A few years later, someone met them in Europe, and there was no news of them since.Later, I heard that they broke up, and neither of them came back, as if they had disappeared. For seven years, she has dealt with setbacks in love and friendship, and is alone again.Three years ago, she finally became the host of the 11:00 p.m. slot, and "Channel A" became the most listened-to program for three consecutive years.It's a pity that Xu Zhiren, who single-handedly raised her, couldn't see this day. The seven years passed like flying, and fate seemed to be reincarnated. At this moment, let them meet again.Some feelings frozen in time are not eliminated by distance, but become clearer.After all, she has grown up and is no longer that shy girl.She has her own style of hosting the show, and she also has confidence.When facing him face to face, I was not as cringe as before. That evening, in the cafe, Xu Zhiren put his casted leg on a chair and said: "I remember you cry a lot. I've never seen a woman who can cry like you, let alone one who cries so ugly!" She took his crutch and said threateningly: "Aren't you afraid that I'll break your other leg too?" "Fine! Then I won't have to walk." "Have you thought about going back to radio?" she asked. Xu Zhiren shook his head. "Don't you feel sorry?" "What's the pity?" he asked in turn. She couldn't answer. "Do you think it's a pity that I look like this now?" Her face was flushed, and she couldn't hide the thoughts in her heart since they met. She really felt that he was frustrated. "There are always gifts and losses in providence, and I enjoy every stage of life." In an instant, she realized how narrow she was.She thought she had grown up and was mature enough to understand life. In front of this man who was only a few years older than her, she turned out to be very superficial. "Are you coming tomorrow?" he asked. She nodded. "I have something for you." "What's it from?" she asked curiously. "You will know tomorrow." He said mysteriously. The next day, she came to his apartment full of expectations and found that the cast on his leg was gone, and the plaster shell and crutches were lying on the ground, next to a chainsaw.She was walking up and down the room with a limp. "Why did you saw off the cast? The doctor said it would take two months to remove the cast." "It's been forty days!" "How could you—" Before she finished speaking, she turned on the stereo and put a finger to her lips, asking her to listen. She fell silent and heard a piece of music that vibrated her heart.She stood there, listening engrossed, clasped her hands together, and put them by her mouth. "I made it up especially for you, for your yoga practice." She raised one leg and kicked back, bent her upper body forward, balanced on the ground, opened her arms, as if flying, and thanked him with a yoga pose. "It turns out that I only need one leg, and I can do it." He lifted the broken leg, and it was precarious.She hurried forward to support him and said: "You're not fully recovered yet." "I invite you out for dinner! The food you cook is terrible!" "You look in a good mood today!" "Am I ever in a bad mood?" She laughed: "Oh no, you've never been emotional!" That night, she played the music on the show.With a happy smile on her lips, she said: "It was written to me by a friend I haven't seen in a long time." At night, she nestled in bed and listened to the same piece of music.He is the person she yearns for, and she has made many youthful dreams for him.The kind of appreciation she once thought was above the relationship between men and women, of course she later understood that it was never beyond the relationship between men and women.During those days, she spread her jealous wings and circled around him.When she grew up, she realized that jealousy is the heart of youth, a little humble but not mean.She knows herself because of jealousy. The next day, she happily walked up to his apartment, brought a cookbook, and cooked for him. "You will be satisfied this time!" she said. She boiled a large pot of water, threw the beef bones and tomatoes into it, and said: "Beef bone broth is very beneficial." "She's back," he said, standing on the kitchen threshold. "Who?" she asked while chopping tomatoes. "Xing Lijun." He said. Her eyes lifted up to him despondently, and she asked: "When did you come back?" "I got a call from her last night." "Oh, how is she?" "I don't know, we haven't met yet." "Will you meet? Will it be inconvenient for me to be here?" She hurriedly packed up the scattered things on the counter.An onion fell to the ground and rolled to his feet. He stooped to pick it up and handed it to her, saying: "I haven't made an appointment yet." "Oh." She nodded, hurriedly took out a pair of sunglasses from her backpack and put them on. "What are you doing?" he asked. She peeled off the onion, turned to him and said: "Go out, there is oily smoke here." He retreated helplessly. She was cutting onions with glasses on, and tears fell between her fingers one by one.She wiped her eyes with her hands, but more tears flowed. She cooked a pot of very unpalatable dishes, and the two of them were silent.She cleaned up the dishes, putting off washing for a long time, afraid that if she left, she would never have the chance to come back. She still has to go after all.Fortunately, he never liked to turn on too many lights. Under the dim light, he might not have noticed her crying eyes. As he was leaving, he said: "Didn't you say you'd stop listening to the radio?" He didn't speak. "How do you feel?" she asked. "My vision is right." He said with a smile. "Thank you." She smiled bitterly at him. Then she closed the door and walked down the stairs alone.At this moment, she suddenly heard the sound of a piano from upstairs. Is that the sound of saying goodbye? That night, on the show, she played the song that Xu Zhiren composed for her.With a lonely mood, she said: "Thank you for telling me that there are always gifts and losses in God's will." On the day they met in the cafe, he said that it would take sixty days for his leg to recover, and she spent forty days with him.This wonderful time was like the days when she was doing a show to him in the recording studio every night.The story of life is reincarnation.Seven years ago, she was just a small wave in the story between him and Xing Lijun. Seven years later, is she still just a little wave?