Chapter 2 Chapter 1 Falling with Love

In the poor days when they first met, they often drank a kind of cheap German liquor Blue Num, and there were several pretty nuns on the signboard of the bottle.On the night of the reunion, he ordered the wine that he hadn't drank for many years. "Would you like a drink?" he asked. "Are you mocking me?" she said in a heavenly voice. He smiled, and said seriously and sincerely: "It's a blessing." "I quit drinking," she said softly.Then she said, "Don't drink too much." "I don't get drunk with alcohol, I do with coffee," he said.

"Are you still drinking coffee?" she asked. "Some things are hard to quit." He looked at her, her hair was cut short, covering her head like a short sorrel blanket.The face without makeup became thinner and paler, as clear and beautiful as before, but the eyes were more clean.She was wearing a maroon robe and a pair of German Birkenstork khaki suede toe shoes. "Can I still wear designer shoes?" He was a little strange. She smiled: "We all wear these shoes, which are very easy to walk in and out of temples. I bought these shoes in London, but I didn't expect to use them now. Did you buy them with me?"

"Well, we had just arrived in London that day, and the shoes you were wearing were tearing the skin off your ankles, and we walked through a few department stores, and your ankles were bleeding, and you wouldn't buy a random pair, I bought this pair of big-toed shoes after thousands of choices. I have never seen Aimei like this." Outside the open-air tavern, a delivery car drove away, and the dust it raised was flying brightly in the sunlight. Thinking of the past, he fell silent.Now it is no longer the past, it may be more appropriate to say that it is the past. At the age of sixteen, he worked part-time and worked as a disc jockey on the radio station. He was a young man, and he didn't pay attention to anything except her.Xing Lijun entered the radio station a year earlier than him, so he was his senior sister.The boss organized them into a group and asked him to learn from her.When they first met on the radio, he fell madly in love with her.At that time, she already had a good boyfriend. He had never seen this man and didn't want to see him.He was so jealous in his heart when he had never met, but when he saw him, he couldn't imagine how tormenting that season would be.

He often tried to get close to her, and knowing that she had made an appointment for recording in the recording studio, he also made an appointment for recording in the adjacent recording studio, watching her secretly through the thick glass of the recording studio.But she was very indifferent to him, as if deliberately torturing him.Her boss asked her to mentor him, but she never did. Finally one day, the two of them were in the recording studio. After she finished listening to his tape, she didn't speak, and lowered her head to edit her own tape. "Why don't you teach me?" He couldn't help asking.

She looked up at him and said, "I only came a year earlier than you." "Why do you hate me?" "Who said I hate you?" "You ignore me at all!" He said like a wounded child. "You're not a little boy, why do you want others to take care of you?" She said coldly. "Because you know I like you, you hate me." She said angrily: "Your words are illogical. First of all, I don't know that you like me. Secondly, why should I hate someone who likes me?" "Women are just so inexplicable." She smiled: "How much do you know about women? You are only sixteen years old."

"You're only two years older than me." "That is to say, I am an adult, but you are not yet." She said as she packed up the tapes in front of her, left him alone, and left the recording studio. He sat down, put on the earphones she had just removed, indulging in the residual warmth of her ears, and believed that he had just taken a good step.At that time he was too young to think that love was nothing more than a battle, with winners and losers. In the middle of the next night, when he met her in the corridor of the recording studio, he walked up to her and asked straightforwardly, "Will you consider me?"

"Xu Zhiren, you are so annoying!" she said with a frown. "Have you finally admitted that you hate me? Hate is love." "Just because you're a nasty person doesn't mean I hate you." "Then you don't hate me?" he said excitedly. "You're such an egomaniac!" "A megalomaniac wouldn't ask you to consider him!" "Thank you for your kindness. I don't want people to say that I seduce underage boys." "I'm sixteen, and I seduced you," he protested. "I don't want to be seduced by a sixteen-year-old boy." She ignored him and walked into the recording studio.

He followed her and said, "You said that I was not a little boy that day." Without looking at him, she said, "You're not a boy, but you're not a man either." He didn't expect that such frank enthusiasm would be exchanged for her contempt.He felt terribly hurt, and stared at the floor beneath his feet, unable to utter a word. She probably knew that what she said was a bit too much, but at that moment, she couldn't let it go.Besides, he was the one who started the fire first.She took a record and put it on the turntable, and used silence instead of apology. She didn't feel a little sorry until she found out that he had quietly left the recording studio, but she quickly convinced herself that it wasn't the feeling of liking someone.

He hid and played drums all night, and his whole body was soaked, whether it was sweat or tears.He resented his pompousness.He was originally an introverted person with high self-esteem, God knows why, but in front of her, he became a prodigal son, no wonder she hated him. He hated the distance of these two years, hated the meeting too late, coming like a trick.He wished he could grow up quickly, or, be able to quit her. For several days he deliberately avoided her.That evening, it was raining heavily outside. After school, he ran up the slope in the rain to go back to work at the radio station.When he was about to reach the radio station, he saw a black sports car parked there. She got out of the car holding an umbrella, waved happily to the man in the driver's seat, gave a few words of advice, and then watched the car drive away.

He hurriedly slowed down so as not to run into her in the lobby.However, she was still in the lobby when he entered.The two stood awkwardly side by side.She had seen the beard he hadn't shaved for a few days to prove he was a man, and he worried that it would make him look childish.In an instant, he became jealous and frustrated, and decided to climb the stairs and forget it. It was better than shame. "I'll go up this way!" He turned and climbed the stairs before she turned around. "I'm sorry that day." He froze, noticing that she followed and stood at the bottom of the stairs.

His heart softened, and he said, "It's okay." She smiled brightly. After walking one floor, he stopped, looked back at her, and asked quietly: "Is he treating you well?" She nodded silently. "Do you love him?" He still refused to give up. She stared at him, flushed, and said angrily: "Xu Zhiren, who do you think you are? You don't have to deal with my affairs! You are not qualified!" With the last words, she stormed down the stairs.He stood there remorsefully, beating himself up for messing things up again.After a while, he heard the footsteps that had gone far away and came back again. From a distance of one floor, he waited hopefully, until he found her rushing up to stare at him fiercely, and shouted at him: "Do you know why I don't teach you? I have nothing to teach you! You are so much better than me! I'm jealous of you! I'm poison!" Looking at her who suddenly became weak, he was stunned, wanting to hold her in his arms.Before he could reach out his arms, she turned and walked down the stairs.He rushed down, but he didn't expect her to run back suddenly, and the two of them almost collided.She grabbed the armrest, her teary eyes were both surprised and a little funny at the scene.She smiled while wiping tears. "Let's make peace," he said first.He couldn't bear to make her angry. Panting, she nodded with a smile. "I won't pester you anymore, as long as he treats you well." At that moment, he knew that as long as she was happy, he was willing to do anything. He hid his love for her and turned it into friendship.They became friends who talked about everything, and there was only one taboo for each other: she never mentioned her man in front of him, and he never mentioned the girl he was dating in front of her. In those years, they often walked together.He would always buy the same record as her, and the two would both like the same lyrics, the same book, the same poem, and even the food.What she likes, he likes.He gave up the opportunity to be a singer for her, because he believed that she would not appreciate such vanity.He skyrocketed on the radio.Everything he did was to win her favor. He hid his love for her, but in the past few years, that love blossomed even more turbulently in his heart. One night, he received a call from her, and he whimpered on the other end of the phone and said, "Can you come over?" He hurriedly put on his clothes and went out, even wearing two different socks. She buried her head between her knees, cried to death on the bed, and told him that she was broken in love.He was actually a little ecstatic.Then, for the first time since we met, she told him that the love between her and the man, from the acquaintance to the love, all the past, all the memories, have become heart-piercing nostalgia.In an instant, he turned from secretly happy to depressed, and suddenly understood how deeply she loved her, and she even believed that he was the person she would stay with for the rest of her life. "But he has left you," he said. "With him, I feel like a happy woman." She sobbed. "I can make you happy too!" he said. She pursed her lips and looked at him sadly. "I can do it!" He held her tightly in his arms, his body shaking with excitement.After a while, she suddenly giggled. "What are you laughing at?" he asked. "You have different socks on your feet!" she said, pointing to his feet. "I'm in a hurry to come out and see you," he said. Her teary eyes looked at him with emotion.He stroked her sweaty long hair tenderly, and held her whole in his arms.This is the happiness he has longed for. He thought that the two people who could become good friends would also be perfect lovers, but the reality repeatedly frustrated him.During the days with her, she was always hot and cold.When she's cold, he denies that she misses her ex-boyfriend out of poison.He will never forget everything she said that night when she broke up in love, and he will never forget the scene where she happily exhorted the people in the car outside the radio station in the rain.When he was suffering from jealousy, she only complained about his immaturity and childishness, and his terrible possessiveness.They often fight, make up, and then fight even harder the next time. He often said to her: "I love you." Every time, she would just ask in turn: "What do I have to deserve you to love me like this?" Said: "If we are separated, in the future, you will still love other people." She had confessed to being jealous of his talent, but she wasn't jealous of anything else.If jealousy is also a kind of love, he longs for her jealousy, but is always disappointed.Until later, he felt that Xia Xinju, a newcomer to the radio station, had great potential, so he deliberately cultivated her.One day, they quarreled in the lift of the radio station because of trivial matters, and she suddenly asked him angrily: "Why are you so nice to Xia Xinju?" Although he felt innocent, he also enjoyed the jealous love.She would still be jealous. Then one day, she suddenly told him that she wanted to visit Europe and then study in France. The next day, he immediately went back to the radio station and resigned. At that time, he was only twenty-six years old, and he was already the program director of the radio station.That night, he told her about his decision.He knew in his heart that part of the reason for her leaving was that the relationship was frustrating for her. "It's not that I won't come back, you don't have to resign for me." She said. "I'm just afraid that you won't come back. I can't let you feel lonely outside alone." "Do you think you won't feel lonely when you're together?" She said sadly. "Let me be with you. I love you." "What do I have to deserve your love for me?" She asked sadly. "There is no longer any reason." He wrapped her in his body.There is no more reason than love. During their first few years in Europe, they changed their plans and traveled a lot before finally settling in Paris.He works as an arranger at home, and his life is not a problem.The days of being dependent on each other in a foreign land have always been good and bad.What makes people unable to give up is that maybe all the good things are better than before; however, every bad time is also worse than before. In the second year of his stay in France, he discovered that she was secretly dating other people.He kept pretending not to know.He never thought that he was so useless. He thought that if he didn't admit it, it meant he didn't have it, and he wouldn't lose her. One day, he cooked for her and waited for her to come back. She said that she hoped that one day he could cook for her.That day, he clumsily cooked a roast chicken, but she said, "I've already eaten." She ate a few mouthfuls and hid in the room.He entered the room, stood before her, and asked her in a trembling voice: "Are you with someone else?" She said with red eyes, "Why do you pretend you don't know?" "I'm afraid you'll leave me," he said helplessly. She stroked his face pityingly, and said with tears: "I'm not worth it." "Do you love him?" he asked. "I don't know how to love anymore." She cried and buried her head in his chest. He can understand this kind of betrayal, and he also thought about betraying her. If he can fall in love with someone else, he can stop loving her.But he can't. He thought he had forgiven her, but it turned out that he was not as lenient as he thought.He has always held a grudge.He could easily suspect that she was secretly dealing with that person.He hates this love that has lost trust.This feeling is so painful, don't those who sleep with him know it?For the love that seemed to be disappearing in front of him, he hated himself for not being able to do anything. One day, he couldn't find her on his cell phone all day long. When she came back, he tentatively asked: "Why can't I find you?" "Have you ever looked for me?" She took out her mobile phone from her purse and found that it had been turned off. "So I didn't turn on my phone." She walked into the room and asked, "What do you want from me?" He walked in and saw her undressing with her back to him, he pulled her over, wanting to be tender with her.She dodged and said, "I'm so tired!" He pulled her into his arms, she turned her face away, and said, "I don't want to do it today." He ignored her objection and pressed her on the bed.She pushed him away hard and said, "Don't be like this, okay?" He grabbed her arm frantically and shouted: "How on earth are you going to test my love for you!" "What are you doing? You hurt me! Let go!" She struggled. You pinch her tighter and say hysterically: "You bitch! I love you!" She looked at him in surprise and said: "If you don't let go, I will hate you!" Seeing her painful face, he let go, and said heartbrokenly: "You hated me in the first place!" "I hate you so much!" She got up and cried, "I hate that you can't grow up, I hate that you can't give me a sense of security! I hate that you accommodate me like this! I hate that you came here with me! I hate how you treat me Request! Hate that you love me more than I love you! Everything you have done for me just makes me ashamed and guilty! Do you know how bad it feels to be ashamed and guilty?" "Sorry!" His eyes looked at her sadly. "There is no right or wrong in love. We have tried our best. You and I are too self-righteous and self-righteous. We both think we are Adam and Eve, but we don't understand that once we are expelled from the Garden of Eden, it will be another story. We shouldn't be stealing the forbidden fruit from the tree at all, once we cross that line and fall into life, I will hurt you and you will forgive me. We will hate each other in the end." She returned with soulful eyes his grief. He couldn't deny everything she said.After all, she is the person who understands him best in the world.How many years?They bit each other bitterly with their teeth until one day, there were too many wounds on their bodies, and it was difficult to heal any more. She left her home in Paris without saying where she was going.When he lost her, only those three drums accompanied him.The drums were played so much that for some days his ears could not even hear the tiniest sound.He originally had excellent hearing, and that ear was born with a first-class sense of pitch.She's gone and nothing matters anymore. A year later, he got an email from her.She is in Lhasa, Tibet.He immediately bought a plane ticket to Lhasa.Outside a temple, he saw her who had been separated for thirty years.Her hair was shaved very short, like a big boy, wearing a maroon robe, with a yellow cloth bag on her shoulders, walking towards him refreshed.He was stunned all at once. "Am I ugly like this?" she asked with a smile. He shook his head and said, "No, you lost weight." "It's time to lose weight!" "I came here to attend a class a year ago, and I was very moved, so I made this decision." He just got off the plane and was tortured by altitude sickness. He felt his world was spinning, and the old man in front of him was suddenly blurred. "I haven't become a monk yet, and I'm not a disillusioned man. I found peace of mind here, and I want to reflect on my past actions." "Did I really never make you feel like a lucky woman?" he asked. "You make me know myself, Yu knows, but Yu doesn't understand, and Bian Yu is confused. It's still easier to be happy." "Is that simple happiness what you're after?" "Happiness is impossible to pursue and cannot be grasped. Happiness is a feeling. The feeling of being a happy woman is very important to a woman." "I see." He said resignedly. "In the future, make others happy!" "No more." He looked at her attached. When she went back to the temple, he chased after her and asked: "May I write to you?" She stood still, turned around, and said, "Who wants to write a letter?" Then, she took out a lightweight laptop from her backpack and said, "The temples are very modern now, please email me." Seeing her emaciated figure under the blinding sunlight for hours, he couldn't bear it any longer, and stopped a taxi back to the hotel in a dizzy state.He tossed and tossed in bed all night, and in his dim consciousness, he sadly remembered the story of the Garden of Eden she told that day.His Eve went back to the sinless Garden of Eden, leaving Adam to perish with his lover. Later, he left Europe and returned to Hong Kong, taking his frustrations and guilt back to the place where he and her met, and here is the most beautiful memory. One day, he received an email from her and she came back. He thought she was coming back to him, and when they met at the tavern, he was disappointed to see her dressed as a nun.He ordered a bottle of Blue Nun and offered her sincere wishes.Life was originally an absurd drama, and he never dreamed that the woman he loved the most in this life became a nun, cutting him off in the world of mortals. "Why did you come back?" he asked. "I'm going to India to meet a master." He found it strange that it was okay to go directly to India from Tibet, and she didn't need to make a detour at all. "For you, I still have a little concern." When parting, he said in a voice like heaven. Just hearing this sentence is enough.He read their stories in her clear eyes, stories that would never fade away.He once thought that their love had disappeared, but it never disappeared. Instead, it was illuminated by the distance, and the previous stubbornness and fanaticism transformed into a long-term attachment. Maybe one day, because she misses him so much, she will come back to this world of mortals.At that moment, she will understand that the deepest love, beyond the depth, is untestable.His love for her is uninterrupted even between temples, heaven and hell.Regardless of whether she became a stern person or a wisp of smoke on the crematorium, his soul would still dance and whirl for her hopelessly.