Chapter 5 Chapter Four

At 1:20 midnight, Luo Manli's hand holding the telephone receiver trembled slightly.On the other end of the phone, Xia Xinju's assistant told her: "We will listen to your call later." She used to laugh at people who called the radio show to tell their feelings, but she didn't expect to do such a stupid thing herself.She now finally understands the feelings of those who tell their stories in the air.For some depression, you can only entrust it to someone you don't know. This is the safest way, and only in this way can the pain in your heart be relieved. On the other end of the phone, Xia Xinju's voice came:

"You are listening to Channel A now, and we are going to take another call. Hello, is this Miss Luo? What do you want to talk to us about?" "If a man has been with you for a year and three months, and he still doesn't want to publicly admit that you are his girlfriend, what does that mean?" Luo Manli said in a trembling voice. After a moment of silence, Xia Xinju asked her back: "What do you say this means?" Luo Manli smiled melancholy at the phone and said: "He does not love me." "You have the answers yourself." "But, he loves me a little bit—" Luo Manli murmured.

A mournful song came over the radio, it was "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marks. After hanging up the phone, she took a deep breath, she felt better now.She has heard this song before.At that time, she was happier and did not understand the pain of longing and waiting.Now she finally understands.When suffering, a person will even do things that she would never do normally, like what she did tonight. She didn't have much time to be sad, either.Tomorrow is the company's annual dinner.Tonight, she wants to sleep well and make herself look radiant. She works in an American pharmaceutical company.At the anniversary dinner that day, my colleague Du Canglin's wife Wang Limei pulled Luo Manli and said seriously:

"Manli, I have a cousin who works in Silicon Valley, and he is not married yet. He will come back for vacation next month, and I will be a matchmaker for you." Du Canglin said: "Man Li is so beautiful, do I still need you to introduce her boyfriend?" "Manli just doesn't have a boyfriend, she's always alone." Wang Limei paused, then asked, "Manli, do you have a boyfriend?" Romanli said awkwardly: "I'm so busy at work, how can I have time to fall in love?" "Do you hear that?" Wang Limei looked up at her husband to prove she was right.

Du Canglin pointed to Fang Zaiwen next to him, and said: "Fang Zaiwen doesn't have a girlfriend either, why don't you match them up." "Mr. Fang, don't you have a girlfriend?" Wang Limei asked. Fang Zaiwen said shyly: "For the time being, no girl has taken a fancy to me." "How could it be? Your conditions are so good!" Wang Limei said, "Is it just too focused on work?" Luo Manli's lifelong event became the topic of the second half of the night.This time, Wang Limei was very serious about being a matchmaker for her. After the dinner, Luo Manli came out of the hotel alone, and met Fang Zaiwen driving away with a few colleagues.

"Goodbye." Fang Zaiwen said to her. "Goodbye." She waved to the people in the car. After watching Fang Zaiwen's car drive away, she boarded a taxi. "Miss, where are you going?" the taxi driver asked her. "You go around a few random circles, and then go to Caroline Hill Road, Causeway Bay." Finally, the car stopped outside an apartment building on Caroline Hill Road, Causeway Bay.Luo Manli got out of the car, walked into the apartment, and came to the nineteenth floor.She knocked down the door latch of Block A.When Fang Zaiwen came to open the door, he hadn't taken off the suit he was wearing at the dinner just now.

Fang Zaiwen hugged her, smiled and said: "You look beautiful tonight." "Really? Then why don't you disclose our relationship? You and I are both single. I don't understand what you have to be afraid of?" Fang Zaiwen kissed her and said: "Didn't I say it many times? This is a matter between the two of us, and there is no need to make it public. Besides, we haven't made it public all the time. If we suddenly make it public, others will think it's weird. " "Is it because you don't love me?" Luo Manli asked sadly. Fang Zaiwen patted her on the head and said, "You are here again!"

He is like this, every time she asks him if he loves her, he always refuses to answer directly. Fang Zaiwen took off her skirt and pulled her onto the bed.When he was in her body, she felt that he loved her a little bit.Unfortunately, that little bit of love was too little, not enough for him to admit their relationship publicly.How much she hoped that he had never even had this little love for her, so she could leave freely.He just let her see that little bit of love in the deepest part of his eyes, which gave her hope. "Mrs. Du said she would be a matchmaker for me!" She deliberately tested Fang Zaiwen's reaction.

"She's just talking." "She's serious." Fang Zaiwen didn't say anything. All of a sudden, all the sad feelings came to her heart, Luo Manli said: "Yes, you won't be jealous, I'm not your girlfriend at all!" "I didn't mean that, don't be so sensitive." He was a little impatient. "Have you not forgotten her?" She stared deep into his eyes. "Who are you talking about?" He avoided her gaze. "You know who I'm talking about." "That was a long time ago." He rolled over and went to sleep.

"But you still haven't forgotten her!" Luo Manli stood up naked, walked to Fang Zaiwen's study room, and opened the first drawer of the desk. On the top was a book about Houwu. His brother gave it to him.Below that book are all Han Chunyi's novels.Luo Manli pointed to those books and said angrily: "You still bought her books!" Fang Zaiwen stood up and asked angrily: "When did you go through my stuff?" Luo Manli said with tears in her eyes, "Why are you doing this to me?" Her tears softened him.Fang Zaiwen put his arms around her and said:

"You don't want to do this." "Go away!" She pushed him away, went to the bed and put on her clothes. "where are you going?" "go home!" "You can do whatever you like." He was helpless. Luo Manli said to him while putting on her shoes: "Back in the company tomorrow, I will tell everyone about our relationship." "Don't go crazy!" "Are you afraid?" Luo Manli smiled miserably. After leaving Fang Zaiwen, Luo Manli went home sadly.She also knew that when she returned to the company tomorrow, she would never have the courage to make their relationship public.She was afraid of losing him. When I met Fang Zaiwen, she had just broken up in love, and he was also alone. At the beginning, everyone was a little bit interested.Women always want to share their happiness with other people.However, he said, "We've just started, and I'm afraid it won't be good for you if we said it too early." After some days, she felt that it should be made public, and he said, "Dating a relationship in the office will make people feel uncomfortable." People talk long and short.” Now he said again: “This is between the two of us, there is no need to make it public.” Not only did Fang Zaiwen not recognize her in the company, but he also did not recognize her among friends. .He never would take her to meet his friends.He was as close as his younger brother, and never let them see each other.Tonight, when he refused to admit that he had a girlfriend in front of Wang Limei, his expression was so natural, without any flaws.He sincerely thinks he doesn't have a girlfriend. Fang Zaiwen once had a girlfriend.He broke up with her seven years ago.She is the now famous female writer Han Chunyi.He would not say why they broke up.In the past seven years, he had had several girlfriends on and off, but he never forgot Han Chunyi.Han Chunyi has been gone for so many years, but he occupies the most important position in his heart. For his sake, Luo Manli bought Han Chunyi's novels, trying to find some traces of Fang Caiwen from her stories. What a writer writes is always inseparable from his own experience.Unfortunately, Luo Manli couldn't find any clues in Han Chunyi's story.Perhaps, Han Chunyi didn't miss Fang Zaiwen at all.Luo Manli felt that Fang Zaiwen was very pitiful. He missed an old lover so heartbreakingly, but that old lover had already forgotten him and would never come back to him. She suddenly felt a little sympathetic to him and forgave him for his indifference to her.The next day, she met him in the company's elevator, where there were other people.She stood behind him and looked at his back, her heart softened even more.The others went out, leaving only the two of them in the elevator. "I'm sorry." She told Fang Zaiwen. Fang Zaiwen patted her shoulder with his hand and smiled, it was a forgiving hand.He forgave her.She hugged him happily.The elevator door opened, and they separated immediately and deftly.Fang Zaiwen walked out, and she walked behind.She was excited about getting back together with him, but at the same time felt sorry for herself.She didn't do anything wrong, why did she say "I'm sorry" in the first place?By the way, usually the one who says "I'm sorry" is not the one who did the wrong thing, but the one who is at a disadvantage. That night, she went to eat Italian food with Li Siluo and Lin Kangyue.Li Siluo's life after marriage is very happy.Before getting married, Li Siluo went to find Jiang Yanzhong, her old lover fifteen years ago, and she never forgot him.She finally found Jiang Yanzhong.They even slept together. She thought that Jiang Yanzhong would tell her not to get married, but he drove her home and said to her, "I wish you happiness." For fifteen years, he was not as good as she imagined. Missing her is just her wishful thinking.Finally, she woke up from her dream, and she was able to get married without any worries. Luo Manli also went to find her old lover Liang Zhengwei, but Liang Zhengwei had already fallen in love with someone else.Why can't Fang Zaiwen do it?She felt that those who missed their old lovers were suffering from poor archeology. This week, Luo Manli and Fang Zaiwen went to Sri Island in Indonesia for vacation.This is her dream vacation. Fang Zaiwen has never been willing to ask for leave together with Di. He said that if two people ask for leave together, it will arouse suspicion from colleagues.She felt that he didn't want to travel with her at all.This time, perhaps because of guilt, he agreed to accompany her to Indonesia. The holiday was going well until the moment they came back to Hong Kong, all the joy turned to sorrow.When they were queuing to pass the checkpoint, he found Du Canglin and his wife Wang Meili among the crowd.Fang Zaiwen immediately walked away from Luo Manli.When Luo Manli came out, she searched the airport and the station, but she couldn't find Fang Zaiwen.She thought he would wait for her, but he was so scared that he left her and left. The wind was blowing coldly, and Luo Manli stood alone outside the airport crying.Fang Zaiwen didn't deny her, he simply abandoned her.He abandoned a woman he had slept with just this morning at the airport.She walks in tears, is she really that bad?In the New Testament, Peter denies Jesus three times.In this year and three months, he has denied her more than three times.She is not Jesus, she is not as kind and magnanimous as Jesus, and she cannot rise from the dead like Jesus.Her heart is dead and it is difficult to revive. The phone at home kept ringing, and she sat by the phone, thinking about the man she had loved and hated.The phone rang all night, and she finally picked up the receiver. "Are you okay?" Fang Zaiwen asked nervously on the other end of the phone. All the ups and downs suddenly came to her eyes, and Luo Manli said with tears in her eyes: "I really wish I had the courage to not take this call." Why does he always revive her hope when she decides to give up?She knew that she would forgive him again. She is not reconciled.What is she inferior to Han Chunyi?Why is this woman occupying a man's heart after seven years of separation? Back at the company the next day, Luo Manli took all the accumulated vacations at once.She lied to Fang Zaiwen that she went to Italy with Lin Kangyue. On the first day of the holiday, she waited outside the publishing house from morning till night.She doesn't know where Han Chunyi lives, the only way is to wait here for her to appear.Every day after that, she will do this.She had seen her picture in Han Chunyi's novel, but she really wanted to see how attractive she was.This is the second stupid thing she has done in two months.The first silly thing was to call a radio show to express my feelings.She felt ridiculous.She had always been proud and arrogant, but she fell to this point because of a man. She did not see Han Chunyi for thirteen days.At dusk on the fourteenth day, she finally saw Han Chunyi.Han Chunyi came from a distance, Luo Manli immediately ran forward, pretending to pass her by.At the moment when she passed by, she glanced at Han Chunyi, and Han Chunyi also glanced subconsciously. She finally waited for this moment.Han Chunyi is just an ordinary woman.She really wanted to tell Han Chunyi how lucky she was to have a man still miss her painfully after seven years of breaking up with her. The next night, Luo Manli came to Fang Zaiwen's house. "Is Italy fun?" he asked. "Well, I saw something I—always wanted to see—" "Which scenic spot is it?" he asked naively. Luo Manli put her arms around him and asked sadly, "Do you miss me?" "You're here again!" He stroked her hair. He was always like this, he didn't even miss her. She flung herself on top of him and roughly pulled off his pants.She was so disrespectful to give herself to him. Halfway through, she reached out to unscrew the radio. Xia Xinju's voice came from the radio: "We announced yesterday that there will be a special guest tonight. She is sitting opposite me now. She is Miss Han Chunyi, a famous writer—" "Turn it off, please?" Fang Zaiwen stretched out his hand to turn off the radio. Luo Manli grabbed his hand, put his hand on her heart, and said, "I want to hear—" Han Chunyi started to speak. Luo Manli stared into the depths of Fang Zaiwen's eyes, and found sadly that what she had seen there, the little bit of his love for her was not love at all, but pity.He pitied her for loving him so much. He slid off of her in frustration. "Aren't you unable to do it?" She smiled and shed many tears. When a woman is not loved by a man.She was naked, and in his eyes, she was just a pile of flesh and bones.She can bear that he misses another woman forever in his heart, but she can't bear that she is just a naked body in his heart, without feeling, dignity and pain. She puts on clothes.Turn off the radio for him before leaving.She doesn't hate him, she even pities him a little bit.He also wanted to forget Han Chunyi, but he couldn't.Tonight, Han Chunyi's voice brought back those painful memories. He knew that she would not come back, his dream was already over, but he refused to wake up. Luo Manli recalled two lines of poems she once read: When I wake up, life is a bird with broken wings, unable to fly again. When the dream comes, life is a barren land covered with snowflakes. Waking up and dreaming are all sad.Her lover is a bird with broken wings, who is incapable of loving again.