Chapter 7 chapter Five

Zhang Wuwei found several diaries among Chen Chengyu's belongings.Over the years, she had never known that he had the habit of keeping a diary; there were too many things she didn't know. In the past, Chen Chengyu always liked to ask her: "Yuwei, if one day I'm gone, what do you miss doing with me the most?" "Too many!" she always answered. At that time, how could she have thought that these jokes would come true?If she had known this earlier, she would never have betrayed him.She thought she had made it up; but, when she saw his diary, she knew she could never make it up.Until the day of her own death, that wound is still difficult to heal.

She and Chen Chengyu met on the plane.He flew from Hong Kong to London for an interview, and she was the flight attendant on that flight.They made an appointment to play together in London. Portobello Road is the most famous antique street in London.In addition to the endless antique shops, there are also many fruit stalls, freshly baked bread, roast chicken made by Arabs and the smell of coffee.That winter morning, Portobello Road was crowded with tourists, and she held a large bag of figs in her arms and ate them as she walked.It was the first time she had fresh figs, and the sweet taste often made her miss London.Chen Chengyu bought a roast chicken sandwich, tore it in half, and gave half to her.

Coming to a flower stall, Chen Chengyu picked out a bouquet of English red roses for her. "I heard that when you go to every city, you should buy a bunch of local flowers." He said. "why?" "Say hello, and leave an unforgettable memory." He said with a smile. That commemoration is not something you can't take away, it stays in your memory.Over the years, she has had many unforgettable memories with Chen Chengyu; however, the morning of Porter Bell Road is forever in her memory.If you ask her which things she misses doing with him the most, then it's probably this day.When love is just budding, everything is always pure and beautiful, but later, there are betrayals and lies.

She and Yu Zhixi met on the plane, and then she and the man she just met were swimming together in Poseidon, Spain.When she received a call from Chen Chengyu from Hong Kong, she was lying naked on Yu Zhixi's bed. "I miss you very much." Chen Chengyu said in his distant hometown. "Me too," she said. After hanging up the phone, she rolled the sheets and ran to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and wept bitterly.Didn't she always love him?She never thought that she could betray him; moreover, when she was in another man's bed, she still responded to his thoughts so calmly.She cannot forgive herself.Every love has gaps, right?What caused that gap?Maybe it's caused by time, maybe it's caused by greed.In short, people later betray those they love and also betray themselves.

Guilt did not make her leave Yu Zhixi, she often had affairs with him in other places.For the first time in her life, she realized that she was in love with a man purely out of lust.She finally understood that the gap was also caused by forgetting. Two people spend too much time together, and men will stop complimenting women.However, the new acquaintance will praise every part of her body, making her deeply believe that she is still so young, and she can attract more men. That night in London with Yu Zhixi, he asked: "Would you like to go shopping on Portobello Road with you tomorrow morning?"

"No!" she said firmly. Yu Zhixi didn't understand why she refused, only she knew that it was the poetic area in her memory, and she would do everything she could to keep it pure.That's just like she wouldn't have sex with Yu Zhixi in Hong Kong.That place was reserved for Chen Chengyu.This insistence may be stupid; but it will make her feel better.She couldn't share a bed with two men, it would make her hate herself too much. Yu Zhixi rubbed her eyes with her fingers and asked her: "Why won't you meet me in Hong Kong?" For a moment, she wanted to run to him.Years of love is love, and short-lived love is also love; it's just that years of love have more sense of security.From the beginning, she never planned to leave Chen Chengyu.

How many times, when she came back to Chen Chengyu, she wanted to tell him: "I have another man!" As if this kind of confession could alleviate her guilt; however, she never had the courage. On the night when the local came back from London, Chen Chengyu hugged her tightly and asked: "One day, when I'm gone, what will you miss doing with me the most?" She smiled and said, "Just to sleep with you!" "Will you leave me?" he asked. "Unless you leave me." She held him in her arms for a long time. Why can a person betray the one he loves with guilt?She just didn't understand.

The relationship with Yu Zhixi ended after nine months.That morning in Paris, when she woke up, Yu Zhixi was still fast asleep, sleeping soundly.The phone beside her rang, it was Chen Chengyu. "Did it wake you up?" he asked. "No." "A bomb went off in Paris yesterday," he said. "I see. Fortunately, there were no casualties." "You are alone, be careful." He warned. "It's not just me," she said. "There are other colleagues." "Anyway, be careful! I'll wait for you to come back." He urged again.

Putting down the phone, she turned around, with Yu Zhixi behind her back.It was time to break up, and she couldn't bear the guilt any longer.It wasn't conscience that called her that morning, but love.She still loves him a little more from afar.The parting had already been staged between her and Chen Chengyu countless times, but this time the exhortation was heart-piercing.The long journey has finally returned, and it's time to go home. She returned to Chen Chengyu's side.The betrayals she had had made her know more clearly who was the one to stay with her all her life. From now on, she will love him wholeheartedly.What happened in those nine months, he will never know for the rest of his life.

This is also good, in this case, their love is perfect. However, a year later, she discovered that Chen Chengyu had a third party. One day, she saw him buying chocolates in a department store.She never ate chocolate, so who did he buy it for? Maybe he just used it as a gift for a friend; but, judging from the look on his face, it looked like he bought it for a girl.When he holds the chocolate, he is smiling and full of affection. She went to the counter and asked the chocolate girl: "What kind of chocolate did the gentleman buy just now?" "Oh, it's this kind." The girl pointed to a plate of thin, square chocolates and said, "It's Le1502."

The girl asked her: "Miss, would you like to try it? This chocolate is very bitter, and that gentleman often comes to buy it." "Did you eat it yourself?" she asked. "I don't know that," said the girl. She also bought a package of the same chocolates. That night, when Chen Chengyu saw the bag of chocolates, he was very surprised.His looks gave him away, he had never been a liar. "A gift from a friend." She said, "Do you want to eat it? This chocolate is called Le1052." He shook his head. Sure enough, he didn't eat it himself. Who is that woman?This is retribution, right?She once betrayed him, and now, she got her retribution.When he fell in love with someone else, she knew how uncomfortable it was to be betrayed.If this is not retribution, what is it?Even ending that nine-month relationship wasn't atonement. On the morning she flew to London, Chen Chengyu came to see her off.At the moment of parting, she asked: "Do you remember walking down Portobello Road together on our first visit to London?" He said: "How can I not remember? You ate a big bag of figs. At that time, I thought to myself: 'This woman can really eat!'" "Will you leave me?" she asked. He put his arms around her and said, "No." When she arrived in London, she went back to Portobello Road alone, and bought a bouquet of English red roses.Ever since Chen Chengyu sent her a bouquet of flowers here, every time she went to a city, she would also buy a bouquet of local flowers;Even when he was with Yu Zhixi, this habit remained unchanged.In retrospect, is it this habit of buying flowers that will connect them forever? That morning in London, she called Chen Chengyu. He seemed to be sleeping, and his voice was very low. "Did it wake you up?" she asked. "No," he said. Once upon a time, when she was sleeping beside Yu Zhixi, didn't Chen Chengyu ask her the same question from a distant place?At this time, is there another woman beside him? If it is retribution, can it stop here?She was tortured enough, she knew how much she loved him. "Will you leave me?" she asked him sadly. After a long silence, he said, "Why do you ask that?" "I'm terrified that one day I'll be left alone." "No," he said. She held the phone, and all the sadness came to her heart.She wanted to ask him: "Is there another woman with you?" However, she didn't ask after all. She dared not ask for fear that it would become a fact.What if he replied, "Yes, I'm in love with someone else."If you pretend not to know, there may still be room for change.Hadn't she also betrayed him?Finally returned to him.When he is tired, he will go home. In the afternoon when she returned to Hong Kong, she walked to Chen Chengyu's house and found that he had changed a bed sheet.The sheets were changed a few days ago, why change them again?Moreover, he never changed the sheets himself.Like a crazy woman, she looked around for the sheet, and at last she found a laundry receipt for the sheet being washed yesterday. The sheets were soiled by another woman, right?Chen Chengyu is too hateful!How could he sleep in the same bed with two women?This bed is their sacred poetic area, how could he trample like that? She wanted to expose him.However, she said to herself: calm down, calm down again.Once you expose him, you may lose him.After being together for so many years, she couldn't imagine life without him, and she didn't want to send him to another woman.She betrayed him once, and now, he also betrayed her once, isn't it a tie? When Chen Chengyu came back, she threw herself on him, holding in her hand the red roses she had bought on Portobello Road.He caught her whole body. "What are you doing?" He startled her. She said: "Didn't you say that every time you go to a city, you should buy a bunch of local flowers, say hello, and leave a souvenir that you can't take away? These are the roses of London." "But that bouquet should not have been brought back," he said. "This time is different," she said. "why?" "Because it's used to propose to you." She looked into the depths of his eyes and asked, "Can you marry me?" He stays there. "Don't leave me," she said. She saw an unspeakable love in his eyes, and she was relieved.She pulled off his coat and he carried her to the bed.She tore off the sheet and rode him into the eternal kingdom; there, betrayal and lies were forgotten, only forgiveness and forgiveness. She knew he had finally left that woman.He was all hers now, and nothing could separate them. One day, she met Yu Zhixi in a bookstore. "Long time no see," he said. "Ok." After a while of silence, she finally said: "I am married." "Congratulations." Yu Zhixi said. "Want to get a coffee? There's a Starbucks next door," he asked. "No," she said. Yu Zhixi said awkwardly: "I have no other intentions." She smiled and said, "Me neither." At that time, why did you fall in love with Yu Zhixi?That gap in love has been mended forever. When she thought everything was so beautiful, the retribution came again.That night, she was alone at home, and Chen Chengyu had agreed to come back around twelve o'clock.At 11:15, she called him in the office, and he said it was almost time to leave. "Did you miss me?" she asked. Chen Chengyu smiled and said, "Of course not." "Really do not have?" "Ok." "Hmph, then, don't come back." "Don't you want to see me?" "In no mood." "But I want to see you," he said. She smiled: "But I don't want to see you." After twelve o'clock, Chen Chengyu hadn't come back yet, he always had endless work to do.She turned on the radio, and she also listened to Xia Xinju's program every night.That night, a girl played Dan Fogclbcrg's "Longer" on the piano on the show, which was long and beautiful. It's two o'clock, why hasn't Chen Chengyu come back yet?Then she heard a radio news report.Chen Chengyu's car crashed into the sea.The phone at home rang, and her hands shook.She betrayed the one she loved once; however, God punished her twice.A betrayal, and a farewell.It's so unfair. Was it because she brought back roses from Portobello Road?Chen Chengyu said that it was a memory that should not be taken away.She took it away, and the remembrance became a curse. She once thought that she and Chen Chengyu might separate; it was because she fell in love with someone else, and he fell in love with someone else. It just didn't occur to her that death had separated them forever.And the last sentence she said to him turned out to be: I don't want to see you.How much does she hate herself? Now, she reads his diary and bursts into tears.She found this entry in an old diary: