Chapter 3 Chapter 3 The Bird with Fallen Wings

On the day of Ah Ying's eighteenth birthday, no rich man's father left her a large inheritance.However, she has Xiao Bi, me and Da Xiong in "Thirteen Cats" Celebrate her birthday with her. That day was the first time I met Xiao Bi.Xiao Bi, who doesn't like to sleep or cut his hair, is a little thin, with messy bangs on his forehead covering his eyes that are as small as a slit.I wonder why he can still see things. Xiao Bi is a bit like a melancholy big boy when he is not smiling, but he is evil when he grins.like a bad boy. "He's a mixture of a devil and an angel," Ah Ying said.

"Big Bear is a masterpiece of God." As a girlfriend, of course I have to cheer for Big Bear. "God's handiwork" and "a mixture of angels and demons" only need to touch each other.Chatting about computers and video games can go on and on.At that time, Daxiong seldom visited game console stores.He loves playing video games at home.That's worse, he can play non-stop from morning till night. Ah Ying and I don't talk about these things, there are many more interesting topics among girls than video games.Ah Ying was admitted to the Academy of Performing Arts, she likes acting.At the time, I was in college prep.

On the day when the high school entrance examination results were released, I was greatly relieved when I received the report card from the little dwarf.I actually got a pass in mathematics.It's all thanks to Big Bear.He is a good tutor.He never gave up on me, he just muttered: "There really are 'mathematical idiots' in this world!" He silently endured my boring messing with his hair during tutoring.Only whimpering: "Why don't you mess with your own hair?" Sometimes, we love to sit on a bench in a small park and study together. I will bring a few cans of Coke from home and hide them in the bottom of the small fountain to keep them cold, so that I can drink cold Coke all the time.When the lazy big bear is sleeping on the bench, I will grab him mercilessly and yell at him: "Hurry up and study! You will go to preparatory school and college with me. I will never lose Let me down!"

As a result, Daxiong and I, as well as Zhiyi and Xingyi, could all stay in the original school and take college preparatory classes.It's just that we didn't expect that the dwarf sticks to us like super glue.He was promoted with us and continued to be our head teacher.Lavender and Tomb Raider also continued to teach us Chinese and English. My worry seems a bit superfluous, Xingyi did not go to Shaolin Temple in Songshan to become a monk.I won't see him performing Shaolin's one-finger meditation at the class reunion. "Witch" Bai Qisi went to college.One day, with long hair and shawls, and a height of 1.72 meters, she drove a dazzling white sports car to pick up Xingyi from school.

This incident caused a great commotion that day, and it was posted on the "Unlimited Qisi" website. Everyone heatedly discussed the relationship between Xingyi and Bai Qisi.The boys broke their hearts one by one.Netizen owner "Qi Si Shi Shi" even got a photo of Xing Yi before she lost weight, put it on the Internet, and made a lot of sarcasm. After seeing it, many "Qi Si fans" clamored to lose weight like hell. This incident aroused the dissatisfaction of a group of girls who are "star fans".They captured the "Unlimited Qisi" website, and cursed the owner of the website "Qisi Dead Man" must be a perverted sex maniac who was too ugly to see anyone, and had to hide. Add a sentence in front of the words: "Handsome Xingyi, who dares to disobey the order of the world?"

The scolding war between "Qi Si Fan" and "Xing Yi Fan" lasted for a long time, but Xing Yi didn't seem to care at all.After the news of his relationship with Bai Qisi spread, there were more girls around him than before. It seemed that everyone wanted to compete with Bai Qisi and gain her light, and Xingyi was also very happy to deal with girls. Xingyi and Daxiong are still good friends. Sometimes, the three of us would go to lunch together and chat about irrelevant things.Many times, I went with Raziyi.However, as long as Zhiyi heard that Xingyi was going too, she refused to go anyway.She'd say, "I don't want to be with the man of the year."

I don't know if anyone has done research. For example, when a person loses more than ten kilograms at once, will the mental state of the whole person be affected?Will the character change?I always feel that Xingyi didn't lose weight, but a thin Xingyi who looked a lot like fat Xingyi appeared and switched identities with fat Xingyi, just like the story in "The Beggar Prince".One day, the cheerful and lovely Fat Star who had a bunch of chins when he smiled and crackled his cheeks when he started running came back in a while. On the day of Ah Ying's eighteenth birthday, the scolding war between "Xing Yi Fan" and "Qi Si Fan" was raging, either you die or I die.Ah Ying, who had never seen Thin Xingyi before, looked at the photo of Fat Xingyi on the website and said, "Can he really lose more than a dozen kilograms?"

Da Xiong, who had never seen Fat Xingyi before, said, "Is that really Xingyi?" My doubts and assumptions are not entirely unfounded. As we talked, a waiter dressed as a big fat cat with tiger stripes brought Ah Ying's birthday cake with eighteen candles on it.Ah Ying stood up excitedly, put her hands together, closed her eyes tightly and made a wish.Big Bear stood up and pretended to stretch his ears to eavesdrop, which made Xiao Bi and I laugh out loud. After breaking up that day, we didn't know when we would see each other again.The cake shop where Ah Ying and I worked part-time on vacation closed in 1999, and Japanese-style cheesecakes were no longer popular.The lemon and bitter chocolate cheesecake I brought to Bear that day never had a chance to be marketed.

On the way back, I asked Big Bear, "Do you have nostrils?" "Of course there is." "Do you have toes?" "Of course there is." "Do you have a father?" "Of course there is." "Have you ever liked Ah Ying?" "certainly……" "You tell me, I won't be angry, it happened so long ago." I coaxed him. However, no matter what tricks I used, the bear never fell for it.I think everyone has secrets.Just like the cat eyes on the sky screen of "Thirteen Cats", they are different every time they are counted. It is always a mystery whether there is a mechanism in that sky screen.

A few days after Ah Ying's birthday, it was Christmas and New Year's Eve in 2001.We originally wanted to go crazy because, after the Chinese New Year, we had to prepare for the university exam.However, a phone call on the night of December 23 changed many things. Around seven o'clock that night, I was lying on my bed chasing Harry.In the first episode of "Potter", I just saw Harry receive the Hogwarts admission letter from Hagrid.At this time, Zhiyi called.She cried a lot. "Zhiyi, what's the matter?" I asked her in surprise. "Are you on the Internet?" she said intermittently.

"I'm watching Harry Potter. What's the matter?" "Xu Lu is dead." She sobbed. "No way? How did she die?" I jumped up. "Suicide. I just saw it online." "That's not necessarily true." I dropped the book and got out of bed to turn on the computer. "Say she died two hours ago." Zhiyi cried. "No, no." I pressed the keyboard to enter the chat room and turned on the radio. Sure enough, news of Xu Lu's death spread in the chat room we used to hang out in.It is said that around five o'clock, someone saw Xu Lu parked her car on the Tsing Ma Bridge.She got out of the car, climbed over the fence, lingered for a while, and then jumped off the bridge, her body drawing a graceful arc in mid-air. "I saw it. It can't be true. You also know that many people love to slander her, and the news has not been reported. Zhiyi, hang up first, and I will call you later." I'll call Big Bear right away. "Are you online?" I asked him. "I'm playing on the computer." Big Bear said. "Hurry up and help me find out, the news that Xu Lu is dead is widely spread on the Internet." "No way?" I heard the sound of the keyboard being pressed by Big Bear. An hour later, a picture of Xu Lu appeared on the TV news bulletin, and a black-clad anchorwoman solemnly reported Xu Lu's death.On the TV screen, Xu Lu's body was salvaged by divers and placed on a stretcher.Carry it in the car.The body was wrapped from head to toe in black cloth, leaving a water-stained path along the way. That evening.I can't sleep. "It can't be true. My idol won't die," I said to myself. However, the next day, the front page of the newspaper published a photo of Xu Lu smiling and waving goodbye to the audience at the 1998 concert. She really is gone. The newspaper said that at the age of 33, she committed suicide because of emotional troubles and a declining career.Her boyfriend is the model Zhiyi and I met at McDonald's.The two have been on and off.A week before Xu Lu's accident, the male model moved out from the apartment where they lived. She couldn't swim, so she chose to jump off the bridge at the moment when the setting sun burned the sky red.The body was heavily bruised, with shattered internal organs and hearts, and blood was constantly oozing from the nostrils. On Christmas Eve, many fans flocked to the bridge to lay flowers in memory of her.Instead of "Silent Night" on the radio, it was her song.The song "Lover on December 24" played non-stop. I can't help but imagine the graceful arc when she jumped off the bridge in the rumors.Even if my idol dies, he will leave a different rainbow in the sky. Zhiyi and I didn't go to the bridge, I was afraid I would cry. On the night of December 30, Da Xiong called me and asked me, "Do you want to see Xu Lu for the last time?" "What did you say? She's dead." "Xingyi just called and said he has a solution. If you and Zhiyi want to see her remains, and you are not afraid, one by one" "Why does Xingyi have a way?" I was taken aback. "Xu Lu's body was sent to the funeral home opened by their family yesterday." Da Xiong said. Xingyi seldom mentions family affairs.It wasn't until that night that Da Xiong and I found out that his family was in the funeral business, and the business was very big. His grandfather is a tycoon in the funeral industry, and his father is the only son.Xingyi's father had two wives, and Xingyi was born to the younger wife, but Xingyi was the only son in the family.Therefore, Xingyi's grandfather loves him very much. "Xingyi said that if you want to see it, you can only watch it tomorrow night. After tomorrow, there is no way to arrange it." Big Bear said. I told Zhiyi on the phone. "I want to go." Zhiyi said. On the evening of New Year's Eve, Daxiong, Zhiyi and I brought a bouquet of lilies. Wait for Xingyi at the agreed place.Xingyi showed up on time in a chauffeur-driven black sedan and beckoned us to get in the car. In the car, we didn't speak.I silently looked out the window. The car drove directly into the parking lot of the funeral home.When we got out of the car, the driver with raised eyebrows and a sinister look took us through a secret passage to the pale-lit corridor on the second floor of the building.I kept holding on to Big Bear's elbow. "Ghost Seeing Sorrow" made a phone call with his mobile phone, and then respectfully whispered a few words into Xingyi's ear. Xingyi came over, pointed to a door at the end of the corridor, and said to me and Zhiyi: "Xu Lu is inside, you can only stay for five minutes, otherwise, you will be in big trouble." Zhiyi and I glanced at each other, our lips trembling a little. "Flowers can't stay inside." Xingyi reminded Zhiyi who was holding a lily in her hand. Zhiyi looked at the flowers in her hand, with a bit of regret on her face. "Big Bear and I are waiting for you here." Xing Yi said. I slowly let go of Big Bear's hand.Zhiyi looked at me, she was waiting for me to go into that room with her, to see our idol for the last time. "I'm not going." It was difficult for me to utter these words. The three of them looked at me in surprise, especially Xingyi, he seemed very disappointed... "There's no time," Star said while looking at his watch. "Zhiyi, you go." I said to Zhiyi.I know she wants to go. Zhiyi lowered her head, I could see that she didn't blame me.She is a limp.Follow "Ghost Sorrow" towards the white door at the end of the corridor, and disappear behind it. I stood on the cold corridor and felt my feet were a little soft.Xingyi and Daxiong were whispering next to me.I took out the earphones from the cloth bag and put them on. Xu Lu's singing accompanied me at this sad moment, so vivid, as if she was still alive. I have no guts to go in.I'm afraid.I like to read books about corpses, but I have never seen a real corpse, and I have never been so close to death. I haven't forgotten Xu Lu who I saw at McDonald's that day.I would rather always remember the way she hooked her boyfriend's trousers with her fingers and leaned her head on his shoulder, happy and happy.And that "Xu Lutou" who brought me and Big Bear together. After a while, Zhiyi took the bouquet of lilies she brought in.Come out of that room and walk towards me slowly.She doesn't like people watching her walk, so I look away.It wasn't until she approached that I pulled the earplugs off my head and saw her tear-stained face and eyes swollen from crying.I was right not to go in. Later, Xingyi drove us back to the place where we got on the bus.on the car. We were silent, everyone's face seemed paler than when we came here, Zhiyi kept sobbing in a low voice, Xing stuffed a pack of tissues into her hand. We got out of the car and waved goodbye to Xingyi. Before boarding the bus, Zhiyi gave me half of the lilies in her hand and said, "These flowers have been seen by Xu Lu." We didn't say goodbye. Big Bear and I walked silently on the way back. "Am I timid?" I asked Big Bear. "I dare not look at it either," he said. I grabbed his arm and said, "Go and be a pilot." "why?" "Because I will be a flight attendant and I want to fly with you." "Being a pilot is hard work." "Don't you think pilots are cool?" He shook his head and said, "Don't mess with me." "Please! Just try to imagine it. If you become a pilot and fly at night, at an altitude of 30,000 feet, you only need to open the window next to you. You can reach out and touch a star." "Nonsense! You can't open the windows of an airplane. You can't touch the stars," he said. "I mean fantasy!" I paused, looked at the flowers in my hand, and said to him, "This bouquet of lilies, can we find a place to bury them? I dare not take them home." "You are so timid." "Then, take it home." "It's better to bury it." We squatted in the flowerbed in the small park and buried the flowers in the soft soil. "If I die, I don't want to lie in that place, it's horrible," I said. "I think so too." Big Bear flattened the raised soil with his hands. "It's best to become a star, when you fly the plane, you can reach out and touch it." "You can't open the windows of the plane, and you can't feel the stars." He repeated angrily. "No, there is a star, although it is far away in the sky, but you can touch it with your hands." "What star?" he asked, looking curious. "Here, right in front of you." I said, grabbed his right hand, drew a five-pointed star in his palm with a finger that was stained with mud, then poked it vigorously, and said, "Okay! I You can touch it later." Big Bear looked at the palm of that hand and smiled shyly at me. "Are you afraid of death?" I asked him. "I haven't thought about it." "So, are you going to die?" "I have no idea." "Some people die young," I said. "Don't say it so scary." He flinched. "Who said who was timid just now?" I wiped the mud from my hands, stood up, opened my arms, and walked on the edge of the flowerbed a few feet above the ground like walking on a balance beam. "Promise me, you won't die." I glanced over my shoulder at the big bear who had stood up. "Okay," he said. "Hehe. It's a trick!" I turned to the left, then to the right, and said back, "Since I don't know if I will die, how can I promise not to die?" "That's all for now." He shrugged foolishly. "You're not going to die," I said, jumping off the flower bed. "Why?" He asked me with his hands on his hips. I turned around, looked up at him, looked at him who was still standing on the flowerbed and said, "I just cast a spell on your palm." "Curse?" He frowned and looked at me. I nodded seriously, and told him, "What I just drew is a 'Longevity Boundless Star'." "Nonsense! Hey hey! I'm coming!" He raised his hands high and rushed towards me from the flowerbed.I turned around and ran, saying as I ran, "No, no, that's the 'Eternal Life Star'! It's the 'Immortal Star'!" I suddenly turned sharply and stretched out my right fist straight at him. He, who was chasing me from behind, was unaware of my move, and his chest hit my fist fiercely, and he yelled "Wow". "This is 'Screaming One Star'." I said with a crooked smile. However, after a while, Big Bear still pressed his chest, arched his back, and twisted his face in pain. "What's wrong with you, is it still hurting?" I asked him. "I had heart surgery when I was a kid," he said weakly. I was so frightened that my face turned blue. I supported him and said anxiously, "Why didn't you say it earlier? I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He raised his head slowly, looked at me who was almost crying, and giggled. I pursed my mouth and stared at him, feeling my lips trembling, my nose sore, the tears I had held back in the funeral parlor finally gushed out at this moment, scaring Big Bear very guilty. The New Year's Eve in 2001 was so dark that I kept the light on beside my bed when I went to sleep.The night was very quiet, I didn't wear earphones, but Xu Lu's singing seemed to be still lingering in my ears, and I couldn't bear to let it go.Looking at the yellowed map on the wall, I suddenly remembered a long-forgotten person.His back has become very blurred.Where is he at the moment? Has he grown up too? One bad thing after another.On the first day after the New Year's holiday, the "grave robber" who was supposed to come to the first class in the afternoon did not show up.Everyone finds it strange.Luo La is a strong teacher who is never late, does not ask for leave when she is sick, is reluctant to leave after school, always complains that there are too many school holidays, and thinks that summer vacation should not be given.She wouldn't commit suicide too, would she? After about 20 minutes, the dwarf came into the classroom with a dignified expression, and only told us to study by ourselves, and did not explain what happened to the "tomb robber". The next day, a classmate brought back the newspaper of the day and solved the mystery of the disappearance of the "tomb robber".Her photo was published on the fourth page of the Hong Kong news edition, with her head drooping.She covered her face with the gray woolen sweater she always wore, and was guarded by a policewoman twice her size. The report said that the 38-year-old woman was stealing from a supermarket and was caught by plainclothes security guards on the spot. A bunch of unpaid snacks were found in her purse, including "tomato-flavored Pretz", "golden "Sha" chocolate, "Want Want" shortbread and so on.These are the "grave robbers" usually like to invite us to eat. According to the plainclothes security guard. The "grave robber" didn't resist when he was arrested by mistake, but just said "I'm sorry" in English. "Will she be sick?" said Big Bear who had stolen the test questions. "It's impossible for her to come back to teach again," said Xing Yi, the future successor of the funeral industry. "If she doesn't come back, what will happen to our college entrance examination?" Zhi Yi, who has always admired "Tomb Raider", said. I suddenly felt that the calm Xingyi and the sometimes ruthless Zhiyi should be a pair. The dwarf who came to the first class that day, walked into the classroom and stood in front of the blackboard that was much taller than him, his eyes swept over everyone in the class.I didn't speak for a long time.Finally he spoke, and he said with a little excitement: "Everyone admired the teacher when they were young, but when you grow up, you will feel that the teacher is very small and that the teacher is nothing more than that. Yes, just like you, the teacher is also People also have unbearable pressure, just like me, high blood pressure, high stomach acid, high cholesterol, in this regard, I am definitely not a dwarf!" Big Bear and I glanced at each other quickly, then quickly lowered our heads.God!It turned out that the dwarf had always known his flower name. The dwarf clenched his fists tightly and said word by word: "The real insignificance is seeing people through colored glasses." Looking at the dwarf who turned around and turned his back to us and stretched his arms and tiptoed to write on the blackboard, I suddenly realized that the dwarf also has very emotional and tall moments.However, high cholesterol seems to have nothing to do with the pressure of teaching. Xingyi was right, the "grave robber" never came back.It is said that she, who suffers from kleptomania, has been seeing a psychiatrist.Another English teacher, a foreigner "Harry" took her place.Harry teaches better than "Tomb Raider" Well, he likes to joke and discuss Harry with us.Porter.However, I still kind of miss Lola.Her desk in the teacher's room hadn't been moved, and it was still the same as when she was there. The students' workbooks and test papers were piled high, and there was no room for themselves. A person's nickname should not be changed randomly.Fortunately, Big Bear is only called Big Bear, not "Big Thief". The college entrance examination is approaching, and we have gradually forgotten "The Tomb Raider".One day in early March 2002, the trees on the hillside of the Boys' Home grew new leaves.On this day, at the home of the Big Bear Boys’ Home, he was in charge of collecting test questions from the past few years online. I was reciting the books while bathing Pippi in the cage with a watering can.It didn't seem to enjoy it very much, and with a look of reluctance, it flapped its wings and shook off the water droplets on its body. I put down the watering can in my hand, opened the cage, took Pippi out and put it on my lap, and measured its length with a measuring ruler. "It's still only twenty-seven centimeters long. It hasn't grown at all in two years." I said along Pippi's feathers. Big Bear didn't answer, I turned my head and found that he was not collecting test questions.Instead, play online. "What are you doing?" I yelled at him. "It's okay to play for a while." His eyes were fixed on the computer screen, and he was playing a gun battle. "No." I walked over and turned off the game, and said, "Stop playing, we still need to study." At this time, someone downstairs called him. Big Bear went to the window, opened it and looked down.I stood behind him with Pippi in my arms, and saw several courtyard boys calling him from below, and one of them was clapping a basketball. "Big Bear, we need one person to compete." When did Big Bear become Brother Big Bear? "I'll be right there." Big Bear turned around and wanted to leave. "Don't go!" I said, grabbing his arm. "I'll be back soon." He slipped away from my hand like a loach, and ran down the stairs like a fly. I turned around and saw from the window that he had joined the group of boys, and they were walking towards the court with their shoulders linked. "Well, this person doesn't seem to be worried about not being able to pass the university entrance examination at all." I told Pippi, and Pippi groaned twice, as if agreeing with me. I put Pippi back in the cage, grabbed a handful of melon seeds and fed it.Pippi didn't eat melon seeds, she flapped her wings, looking like she really wanted to come out.Big Bear used to let it fly around the house. "I'm sorry, Pippi, you have to get used to the cage. If I let you out, you will definitely fly out to see the world. Do you know that there are many hawks out there? The hawks like your snow-white ones the most. Sunflower parrot." Pippi folded his wings and bit my finger, as if he could understand my words, completely forgetting that he was a deaf parrot. "Are you from New Guinea?" I asked Pippi. "I have a world map next to my bed, it's very big!" I stretched my arms and said, "The symbol of New Guinea is a sunflower parrot." While feeding Pippi melon seeds, I said, "Do you know why I have that map? It's a secret! It's a secret that even your master doesn't know. Since you're deaf, it should be safe to tell you, right?" Pippi's small eyes blinked understandingly, as if she understood.Was it not deaf at all, or was it born as if it were listening? I patted its head, then went back to the computer desk and continued to search for test questions from the past few years.2001, 2000, 1999... I looked at my watch, two hours had passed, and Big Bear hadn't come back yet.I looked at the computer screen, and the more I thought about it, the more angry I was, I picked up my cloth bag and rushed down to the stadium to find him. Big Bear was still playing there, and I stood gasping for a long time on the sidelines, but he didn't notice me. "Big Bear, your girlfriend is looking for you!" A boy with hairy feet finally saw me. The big bear, who was sweating profusely, stopped and didn't dare to look me in the eyes. "Brother Bear, your girlfriend is on point!" a boy with acne all over his face whistled. I sullenly stared at the bear with my arms crossed. "Your girlfriend is angry, go and accompany her." A boy who is too short to play basketball said with his arm around the big bear. "Girls are very annoying. I tried my best to come here just to avoid them." The boy who was playing ball and brushing his hair just now said humorously. Then there was a burst of laughter, and everyone pushed each other back and forth.The boy with hairy feet hit the big bear's stomach with a basketball, and his whole body trembled from laughing. He must have lost a lot of hair on his feet.Big Bear was caught between them, only knowing how to laugh awkwardly. I felt like I was hugging an active volcano, my face was burning hot, and my nostrils were about to burst into smoke.I didn't say a word, just turned around and left. "Big Bear. Hurry up and chase after him!" "Brother Bear, you are doomed this time!" "Big Bear! Don't be afraid!" The group of boys in the back were chattering and booing, I puffed up my cheeks, and strode out of the side door of the boys' home.My face must have been very dark, because when the guard at the door saw me, he seemed frightened and opened the door for me. I stormed out and crushed a red berry that had just fallen off the tree. "Winnie! Where are you going?" Big Bear stuttered after he came out. I stared at him and yelled in one breath: "I hate you! You said you would come back soon, but you played for two hours and didn't finish. There are only 24 hours in a day, and you played for two hours. Playing the computer, you sleep more than others, you need to sleep for ten hours every day, and it takes one and a half minutes to eat and take a shower. How much time do you have left to study every day? Only eight and a half minutes!" Big Bear was taken aback.He grinned and said, "Why did your arithmetic suddenly improve so much?" "Don't think I can laugh! I definitely don't laugh!" I bit my lip and stared at him, trying to hold back my laughter, but it was useless. I don't know if this is the first time I quarreled with Big Bear, because it seems that I was the only one who got angry and didn't make it.However, this scene is still in my memory, and I laugh every time I think of it.That day, I realized for the first time that although I had been angry with other people, I had never had the intimacy of being angry with Big Bear. It turns out that only that kind of intimacy is the most tormenting. At the end of April, the university entrance examination begins.The desk in my room is filled with canned coffee to pick me up and assorted snacks. The night before the first subject exam, around ten o'clock, I called Daxiong, and he had already gone to bed. "Have you finished warming up your book?" I asked Big Bear. "Haven't you heard of short-term memory? The later you review it, the better you remember it." He yawned. "The exam is tomorrow, isn't tonight considered short-term memory?" I said while eating chocolate. "I plan to get up early tomorrow to review, so when I see the test paper, I will still remember it." "You can talk about it when you wake up earlier." I took a sip of my coffee. I don't know if it's because of eating too much chocolate and potato chips.Although I drank three cans of coffee, at two o'clock in the middle of the night, I was defeated by the Sandman and finally slipped into bed.When I wake up with infinite guilt to the alarm clock next to my bed.It was seven o'clock in the morning. "Wake up!" I called Bear, yelling into the phone.As I expected, he wasn't up yet. "The deaf can hear, I'm not Pippi." He said half asleep. "Pippi doesn't need to take the exam, but you do." I said as I stretched out my hand out the window, the raindrops hit my palm, and several dark clouds gathered together, it seemed that there was going to be a heavy thunderstorm. "Don't be late." I told Big Bear. The storm came soon, and when I arrived at the test site, I was drenched, and the sneakers under my feet could wring out water.Daxiong was in another test site. I called his cell phone and asked him, "How is your situation?" "Waiting outside to get in." "Me too. I can wring water out of my shoes, how about you?" I said as I patted the rain off my body. "I'm fine," he replied. "Did you take a taxi to the door?" I wondered. "I have my shoes at home. Of course it's fine," he said lightly. "Your shoes are at home?" I was taken aback. "I came out with slippers on," he said. "You actually came into the test room wearing slippers?" "It's raining so hard, I have to wear shorts and slippers to go out. But one by one" "But what?" "I just lost one when I was squeezing the subway, and I didn't have time to look back." "Then what to do?" "It doesn't matter, right? The exam is not about slippers." This man really can't do anything about him. I almost guessed that he must not have brought an umbrella. "It's very troublesome to carry an umbrella, and you will forget to take it. You can just use a newspaper." He often said. "Newspaper? Don't those uncles in their decades do this kind of thing?" When I first heard it, I looked at him in disbelief. "Anyway, use whatever you have?" He said coolly. At this time, the door of the test room opened.I turn off my phone and go in.Find your own seat and sit down.I simply took off my wet sneakers and socks, put them under the table, and took the exam with bare feet, thinking that the big bear who only wore a slipper was also struggling. Later that day, I used ICQ to communicate with Big Bear. "?"my question. ":-)" his answer. "?" His question. ":)"my answer. "@..." Before leaving ICQ, I gave him a rose. Every time we finish a subject, we will use this wordless ICQ to see if the other party is doing well in the test today.Big Bear never returned an online rose to me, as if he thought roses were just my favorite symbols to replace "goodbye". None of us expected that one day, roses also represented parting. Xu Lu once sang a song, the name of the song is "Time Bird", in the middle part, she monologues with a singing voice: At that time, I could only understand the twenty-year-old little kingfisher.What is the waiting time for the ranking?Maybe it's Parrot Pippi?Because I am deaf, I cannot hear the sound of time fluttering and falling. The day when the rankings were released arrived in a blink of an eye. Early in the morning, the students in the class gathered in the classroom.When the little man walked in with our report card, we all held our breaths. First, Zhiyi went out to collect the report card. She was tense all the time, but then gradually relaxed, showing a bright smile on her face, which explained everything.With one hand in his trouser pocket, Xingyi made another breakthrough after his amazing weight loss report a few years ago.He looked at us with a faint smile on his face. When it was Big Bear's turn, Xingyi patted him on the shoulder vigorously to cheer him up.After he took the report card from the dwarf, he made a face at me.This is the code we agreed in advance.The ghost face means pass the level.I was greatly relieved.I was literally taken aback when he handed me the report card.He did well in the exam, and the computer department of his first choice should be fine. It's just me.When the dwarf calls my name, I feel like I can't breathe.I stood up and took a strong breath before walking out.When I was about to walk in front of the dwarf, I suddenly found that the dwarf looked at me a little differently than usual.His face was always filled with "I don't think life is funny!" and "Can't you see that I don't have a sense of humor?"However, at this moment, there was a bit of pity in his eyes, and my mood changed on the spot. Is that really my report card?I held it in my hand and couldn't believe it was mine.How could it be so bad? It's over!I'm not going to college with Big Bear. I lowered my eyes and glanced at Big Bear, who was waiting for me to make faces.How I wish I could, but I can't. I silently returned to my seat, lowered my head, and felt as if my feet could not touch the ground, and everything around me disappeared. Big Bear took the report card from my weak hands and looked at it. "Please, don't say anything," I whispered, not looking at him.I was afraid that as long as I saw him, my tears would flow in and out. My eyes turned to the dwarves, vilely searching for losers like me, some of whom cried like hell when they got their report cards.Finally, all transcripts have been dispatched.The little man said something.I didn't hear a word.The winner comforts the loser, and beside those crying classmates, there is always one or a few friends who put out a bitter face and say something comforting to them.I don't want to accept that false affection and be that favored underdog.I pretended to go to the bathroom and slipped away. I wandered in the street until it was dark, and my cell phone rang many times. It was from Daxiong and my mother, but I didn't answer it.I delete their text messages without reading them. There was no way to go, so I had to go home. When I passed the small park where Big Bear and I used to go, I saw him sitting on a swing, waiting blankly.I didn't stop. Big Bear saw me and hurried up.With sweat on his forehead, he asked me, "Where have you been?" "Congratulations." I glanced at him bitterly. Big Bear walked beside me, silent, as if he had done something wrong.I looked at the concrete floor a few feet in front of me. I have walked the road home many times, but tonight, this road is particularly difficult and dark. I finally got home, took out the key, and opened the door feebly. "Goodbye," I said, and closed the door, leaving Big Bear outside. 屋里亮着灯，坐在沙发里的妈妈看见我回来，好像放下了心头的重担，朝我微微一笑。她大概已经猜到了。 “这次不行，下次再努力不就可以了吗？”她柔声安慰我。 我什么也没说，匆匆躲进睡房里，把门锁上，瘫散在床上，眼睛呆呆地望着天花板。 我累了，很想睡觉。 我一直睡到隔天下午才醒来，下了床，打开门，走出客厅。屋里没有人。我在厨房的流理台上发现罩着盖子的新鲜饭菜和一袋面包。我没碰那些饭菜，打开胶袋，拿了两个圆面包，没味道地吃着，喝了一杯水，然后回到睡房去，锁上门，拉上窗帘，照原样躺在床上，又再睡觉。 半夜里我醒来，光着脚摸黑走到厨房，吃了一个面包，再回到床上，还是动也不动地躺着。 第二天黄昏，我大字形躺在床上，望着天花板发呆。家里的电话响起来，我的手机早就关掉了，电邮不看，电话也不接。妈妈在外面接了那个电话，过了一会儿，她敲敲我的房门，在外面说：“是大熊找你。” “说我已经睡了。”我有气无力地说，眼睛没离开过天花板。 又过了三天。我大部分时间都是像死尸般瘫在床上，偶尔离开房间，只是为了上个厕所，或是到厨房去，看到什么便吃什么，然后尽快回到睡房里，重又瘫在床上，定定地看着漆黑一片的天花板。 到了第六天，我去厨房喝了一杯白开水之后，没有回到睡房。我在客厅那张宽沙发躺了下来，叉开双脚。 抱着抱枕，用遥控器开电视，眼睛望着荧光幕发愣，就这样躺了大半天。当我听到妈妈转动钥匙开门的声音。 我起来，裸着脚回到自己窗帘紧闭的昏暗房间里，没希望地坐在床边，直到累了就躺下去。 接下来的十多天，当妈妈出去了，我才会离开房间，软瘫在沙发上，一动不动地望着电视画面，偶然看到好笑的情节也会笑笑。只要听到妈妈回来的声音。我便会离开沙发，回去睡房，倒卧在床上，什么也不做。 一天夜晚，我人瘫在沙发上，一条手臂和一条腿悬在沙发外面，直直地望着电视画面发呆。这时，我旁边的电话响起，铃声一直没停。我瞥了瞥来电显示，是大熊。 我缓缓拿起电话筒，“唔”了一声，低微到几乎听不见。 “维妮，你没事吧？”大熊在电话那一头问我。 “唔……”我低低地应了一声。 “……”那边一阵沉默。 “嗄嗄，嗄嗄……”远处的声音。大熊接着说：“是皮皮在叫。” “唔……”我鼻子呼气，眼睛依然呆望着电视画面。 “你在睡觉？” “唔……”我机械般应着。 “那我明天再找你好了。” “唔……”我恍恍惚惚地放下电话筒，依旧如死尸般躺着，一点儿感觉也没有。 我不想见任何人，连大熊也不例外。 隔天，大熊再打来，我懒懒地躺在床上，没接那个电话。不管铃声多么固执地响着，我只觉得那是遥远的、跟我无关的声音，就像西伯利亚的风声，进不了我的双耳。 妈妈在家的话，她会接那些电话。我不知道她跟电话那一头的人咕哝些什么，也不想知道。一向不爱下厨的她。每天都做些新鲜的饭菜，留在厨房里给我，又写了许多字条放在一旁安慰我。那些字条，我只瞥一眼，饭菜也只是随便吃一些。我变成屋里的一个魅影，一天可以睡十八个钟，余下的六个钟发呆，无助的感觉成了惟一的感觉。 渐渐地，大熊的电话没有再打来。电话停止打来的那天。我睡了二十个钟，无助感再一次把我淹没。 然后有一天，我躺在客厅那张宽沙发上，电视正在播新闻，报道说，全球航空业正面临不景气，各大航空公司相继大幅裁员。电视画面上出现几个穿红色制服的空服员，她们正拖着行李进入机场检查站。我想起我的梦想。那个空服员的梦也彻底完了。 不久之后的一个傍晚，我在厨房吃了几条菜，然后瘫在沙发上，看到一段关于某大学迎新营的新闻，报道说，玩新生的游戏因为带色情成分而遭人投诉。大学原来已经开学了。大熊、芝仪，还有星一，都已经成为大学生了吧？我突然想起徐璐那段关于时间的独白，不管是花蝴蝶、小翠鸟、夜莺或是秃鹰，都有一双翅膀。然而，我的时间、我的十九岁，却是落翅的小鸟。 我从沙发上坐起来，把牛仔裤和汗衫穿在睡衣外面，戴上一顶鸭嘴帽。两个多月以来，我头一次离家外出。我把帽子拉得低低的，不让别人看到我的脸，也不想看到別人的脸。 我走到“猫毛书店”，租了《哈利。波特》第二集，然后直接回家，躲进睡房，头埋书里，掉进哈利、荣恩和妙丽的巫术世界，想像自己也有一件隐形斗篷，那便不会有人看到我。 “猫毛书店”成了我惟一肯去的地方。我总是挑夜晚去，看不到日头，也不容易碰到人。我租的都是魔幻小说、推理小说和武侠小说，以前爱看的那些研究尸体的书，并没有再看。我已经成为尸体了，不用再找些跟自己相似的东西。 有些书，我看了头几集，后面那几集给人租了，我便会蹲坐在“猫毛书店”的小凳子上，呆呆地等着別人来还书，也许一等就是几个钟头，不一定会等到。有时候，那只大白猫“白发魔女”会趴在书堆里，盯着我看，好像我是个怪物似的，说不定连它都嗅到我身上那股失败者的气味。 “手套小姐”常常躲在柜台后面的一个房间里，有客人租书或是还书的时候才会走出来。她只会跟我说最低限度的说话，比方是“这本书租了出去”、“关门了”。正因为她话说得少，我才愿意待在那儿。 我看书有时看到三更半夜，白天睡觉，反正我没有什么事情可以做。我甚至连梦都很少做了。我想起小时听过的那个故事：入睡着之后，灵魂会离开身体到梦星球那棵怪树上做梦，要是睡着的那个人给人涂花了脸，他的灵魂便会认不出他，回不来了。于是，有一天晚上。我把一本看到一半、封面是一个恐怖鬼面具的书盖在脸上睡觉。隔天醒来，什么事也没发生。 然后有一天，当我低着头，呆呆坐在“猫毛书店” 的小凳子上等着別人来还书的时候，我突然发现一双熟悉的腿站在我面前。 我没抬头，想躲又没处躲。 “维妮！”那把声音带着无限惊喜。 我抬了抬眼睛，刚下班的妈妈，身上还穿着制服。 手里拿着从市场里买回来的菜，咧嘴朝我微笑，好像很高兴看到我终于肯外出。我垂下眼睛，抿着嘴唇，什么也没说。 “既然你出来了，今天晚上不要做饭了，我们出去吃吧！”她一边说一边把我从小凳子上拉起来，招了一辆出租车，然后把我推上车。 我哪里都不想去，但我没反抗，静静地坐在车厢里。我是连反抗都不愿意。 “本来买了烧鸭呢，还有冬瓜和豆腐，不过，明天再吃没关系吧？”她在我身边说，期待我的回答，但我没接腔。 在车上，她临时改变了主意，决定去卡拉OK。“可以一边唱歌一边吃饭呢。”她笑笑说，又瞥了我一眼，我依旧不说话。 车停了，我们下了车，走进一家卡拉OK。我还是头一次看到有人自备冬瓜、豆腐和烧鸭去卡拉OK。妈妈要了一个房间，牵着我的手进去，生怕我会逃走似的。 “你想吃什么？”她一边看菜单一边问我。 我眼睛没望她，微微耸耸肩。 她替我点了一客鱼卵寿司。 我默默地坐着，望着电视画面发呆，不打算唱歌。 看见我那样的妈妈，并没有泄气，自己挑歌自己唱，唱的都是徐璐的歌。 从来没有跟她去过卡拉OK的我，直到这个晚上，才知道她歌唱得那么好。我也从不知道，原来她喜欢徐璐，很熟徐璐的歌。 徐璐在电视画面上出现，好像还活着似的。我很害怕妈妈要跟我说教，或是说一堆安慰的话，我最不想听的就是这些。 但她只是唱着歌，什么也没说。 也许，她只想要陪在我身边。 夜深了，我们回到家里。她一边把烧鸭放进冰箱里一边问我说：“明天做烧鸭沙拉给你吃好吗？” 我望着她蹲在冰箱前面的背影，想说些什么，终究还是没说话。这时，她朝我回过头来，又问我：“还是你想吃鸭腿面？我前几天在食谱上看过，很容易做。” “就吃面吧。”我终于开口说。 她看着我，眼里漾着微笑。说：“那么，我们明天吃面吧。” 我点了点头，望着她又转回去的背影，心里突然有些感动。 “你唱歌挺好听，我去睡了。”我说，然后，回到睡房，脸抵住布娃娃，躺在床上。 有那么一刻，我明白自己该振作起来，可是，却好像还是欠了一点儿力量。 直到一天，像平日一样，我头上戴着拉得低低的鸭嘴帽，到“猫毛书店”还书。“白发魔女”屁股朝书店大门趴着，我发现它的尾巴摆成“C”形。我的心缩了一下，像做了亏心事似的，帽沿下的眼睛四处看。但是，书店里只有“手套小姐”一个人。书店对面我和大熊以前常去的小公园也没有人。我把书丢在柜台，拿了要租的书，付钱之后匆匆回家去。 “白发魔女”的尾巴只是碰巧摆成“C”形吧？又或者是有个人像大熊一样，喜欢拿猫的尾巴开玩笑。 然而，接下来许多天，当我踏进“猫毛书店”，那个猫尾摆成的“C”字都清晰地呈现在我眼前。除了“手套小姐”，店里并没有其他人。瞧她那个低着头专心看书的样子，这件事不像是她做的。 “是猫自己喜欢这样吧？”我在心里嘀咕。 不管怎样，我决定以后不再去“猫毛书店”。 十一月中的那天，是我最后一次去还书。我故意等到书店差不多关门的时候才去。我把书揣在怀里，头上的鸭嘴帽低得几乎盖着眼睛，只看到前面几英尺的路。 我不走在人行道中间，而是靠边走，不时偷瞄后面有没有人跟踪。 终于到了书店，我的心跳好像也变快了。“白发魔女”平日喜欢趴的那个位置，只留下几个梅花形的猫掌印和几条猫毛。 我心头一惊，抬起眼睛四处搜寻它。发现它屁股朝我趴在柜台上，尾巴摆成一个完美的“C”形。 四下无人，我匆匆把书丢在柜台，转头想走。就在这时，“手套小姐”从柜台后面那个门半掩着的房间走出来。 “要进来看看吗？”她突然冲我说。 我不知所措地杵在那儿，帽沿下的一双眼睛隔着额前的刘海瞥了瞥她。 “过来吧。”她朝我甩了一下头，好像命令般，根本不让我拒绝。 我只好绕过柜台，跟着她进去那个神秘的房间。直到如今，我还记得房间里的一切在我抬不起头的那段日子，给了我多么大的震撼。 那个狭长的房间根本就是小型的布娃娃博物馆，两旁的木架上整齐地排列着可爱的布娃娃，至少有几百个。它们交叉双腿，紧挨着彼此，悠闲地坐着。 这些布娃娃像手抱婴儿般大小，全都有一张圆脸、一双圆眼睛、扁鼻子和向上弯的大嘴巴，毛线编成的头发跟“手套小姐”一样是肩上刘海，就像把一个大海碗反过来覆在头上剪成似的。头发的颜色可多了，有金的、银的、鲜红的、粉红的、绿的、紫的、橘色的，头顶都別着一双小手套，金发配红手套、绿发配黄手套、紫发配绿手套…… 布娃娃身上的衣服也很讲究，全是时髦潮流的款式，有伞裙、晚装、民族服、芭蕾舞衣，雪纺、迷彩、绣花，甚至连瑜伽服也有。 房间的尽头有一部缝纫机，木造的工作台上散满了碎布、时装杂志和外国的布娃娃专书，还有一台计算机。 “过来这边看看。”“手套小姐”依然用命令的口吻说。 看得傻了眼的我，挪到她身旁。她登上一个网页。 那是她做的“手套娃娃网页”，我这才知道，原来“手套小姐”是布娃娃大师，在网上发售她做的布娃娃。她的顾客来自世界各地。有些顾客抱着布娃娃拍照，传送回来给她，还在电邮里称赞她的手工。一个穿金色蕾丝晚装的布娃娃在金碧辉煌的皇宫里留影，原来买它的是苏丹一位王妃。 “手套小姐”边兴致勃勃地移动鼠标边告诉我：“读书的时候成绩不好，成天做白日梦。只爱看课堂以外的书，根本就不是读书的材料，所以只能勉强完成中学，然后接手了舅舅这家租书店。这种工作最适合性格孤僻的我。几年前偶然看到一本教人做布娃娃的书。我想：'我可以做得比这个好！'于是做了第一个布娃娃。” 她抬起眼睛瞄了瞄我。我没说话。 “考试失败了吧？”她突然问我。 How would she know? “瞧你那副丧家狗的样子，谁都看得出来。” 她说话就不可以婉转一点儿吗？ “那个男生是你男朋友吧？”她又问，眼睛却望着计算机屏幕。 我怔了一下。 “那个喜欢把猫的尾巴摆成'C'形的无聊分子！” 她啐了一口。 “呃？”我应了一声。 她眼睛没离开计算机，欣赏着那些她放到网上的布娃娃，仿佛怎么看也不会厌。 “这个人把你看过的书都租回去看。好像知道你什么时候会来，在你来之前就溜掉。” 果然是大熊做的。 “那么无聊的人，你跟他分手了吧？”“手套小姐” 直接问。 “呃？”我不知道怎样回答。 “那个人既无聊又吊儿郎当，还是个大笨蛋，读中学时竟然帮着没用的朋友偷试题，给学校开除也活该！” 她又是怎么知道的？而且，她口里虽然一直骂着大熊，语气却好像打从心底里欣赏他。 “那个没用的家伙是我姊姊的儿子，听说从小就很难教，从男童院出来之后，好像改变了很多。去年，我那个十多岁就在外面过着放任生活的姊姊死了，临死前把他丢给我妈妈。他上星期拿东西过来给我，在这儿碰到你男朋友。两个人久別重逢，眼泪鼻涕流了一大把。那个家伙今年也考上大学了，连那种人都可以进大学，別说你不行！”“手套小姐”眼睛始终没离开过计算机屏幕，似乎是怕我难堪，所以没望我。 我的头却只有垂得更低。 然后，她离开那个工作台，在木架上拿了一个黑发、头上别着玫瑰红手套，穿着绿色图案汗衫、牛仔短裙和系带花布鞋的布娃娃，塞到我手里，说：“拿去吧！” “呃？”我没想到她会送我一个手套娃娃。 “不是送的。那个无聊分子已经付了钱，说这个特別像你。我那个外甥还帮着他杀价，竟说什么连学生哥的钱都赚就太没人性了！”她一口气地说完。 我望着手上的布娃娃发呆。 “出去！出去！”“手套小姐”边把我赶走边说，“我要关门了！考上大学之前別再来租书！” 我给她赶出书店，背后的卷闸随即落下。我杵在书店外面。茫然拎着那个布娃娃。从放榜那天开始，觉得自己被世界遗弃了，心深不忿，成了隐闭少女的我，突然好像找回了一些感觉。 我看着书店对街朦胧月色下的小公园，我曾在那儿忐忑地等着大熊、渴望他答错鸡和蛋的问题。我们在那儿吃着后来没机会面世的两种乳酪蛋糕，把可乐冰在喷泉水里。我们曾在那儿一起温习，也曾一起埋掉给徐璐送行的白花。 大熊为什么不肯像这个世界一样，放弃，没用的我？ 我跑过马路，走进电话車，拎起话筒，按下大熊的电话号码。 “喂一一”电话那一头传来大熊熟悉又久违了的声音。 那个瞬间，滔滔的思念淹没了我。我像个遇溺的人，拼命挣扎着浮出水面，大口地吸气，颤抖着声音说：“现在见面吧！” 我跟大熊说好了在小公园见面。 “我现在过来。”他愉悦的声音回答说。 然后，我放下话筒，走出电话亭，坐到公园的秋千上等着，把大熊送我的布娃娃抱在怀里。 黑发布娃娃那张开怀的笑脸好像在说：“没什么大不了嘛！” 她头顶那双玫瑰红手套是用小羊皮做的，手指的部分做得很仔细，手腕那部分用了暗红色的丝绒勾织而成，再缠上一条粉红色丝带。然后，两只手套一前一后，手指朝天的用一个发夹別在头上，看上去就像是头发里开出两朵手套花，真的比任何头饰都要漂亮。 外表木讷，除了会把手套戴在头上之外，看来就像个平凡的中年女人的“手套小姐”，原来也有自己的梦想，并不想无声无息地过一生。 谁也没想到，平平无奇的租书店里面，隐藏着一个布娃娃梦工场。我隐藏的却是自卑和绝望，这些东西并不会成为梦想。 我满怀忐忑和盼望，看着小公园的入口。终于，我看到一个再也熟悉不过的身影从远处朝这边走来，先是走得很快，然后微微慢了下来。 我从秋千上缓缓站起来，看着朦胧月色朦胧路灯下那张隔別了整整三个月的脸。大熊来到我面前，投给我一个微笑，微笑里带着些许紧张，也带着些许腼腆，搜索枯肠，还是找不到开场白。 我躲起来的日子，大熊好像急着长大似的，刚刚理过的头发很好看，身上罩着汗衫和牛仔裤，一边肩膀上甩着一个簇新的背包，最外面的一层可以用来放手提电脑，脚上的球鞋也是新的。他看上去已经是个大学生了，过着新的大学生活。 我们相隔咫尺，彼此都抿着嘴唇，无言对望，时而低下眼睛，然后又把目光尴尬地转回来。这样相见的时候。该说些什么？对于只有初恋经验的我俩，都是不拿手的事情。 “为什么？”我终于开了口，低低地说。 大熊眼睛睁大了一些，看着我，猜不透我话里的意思。 “我问你为什么！”我瞪着他，朝他吼道，“租书店是我惟一还肯去的地方！我以后都不可以再去了！你为什么要在我背后做这些事情？你觉得这样很好玩吗！” 他怔在那儿，百词莫辩的样子。 泪水在我眼里滚动，我吼得更大声：“你以为你很了解我吗？你一点儿都不了解！你怎会了解每天除了睡觉之外还是只有睡觉的生活！你怎会了解那种害怕自己永远都再也爬不起来的滋味！太不公平了！我比你勤力！我比你用功！为什么可以读大学的是你不是我！” 大熊吃惊地看着我，半晌之后，他带着歉意说：“你別这样，你只是一时失手。” “都是因为你！都是因为你！因为跟你一起，所以成绩才会退步！才会考不上大