Chapter 2 Chapter 2 Race against time

Holding a magnifying glass in his hand, Su Minghui hid in front of a desk near the window on the second floor of the library, reading a stack of notes.She has no choice but to use this little prop.There is a light on it, turn on the light, you can see it more clearly.However, using this method to review is very tiring. She put down the magnifying glass and looked out the window, just in time to see a small black dot running all the way here, getting closer and closer.Although it was still a hazy figure to her, she had already recognized Xu Hongzhi.God wanted to take away her vision bit by bit, but at the same time, everything about Xu Hongzhi was nailed into her memory bit by bit.Just by the way he walked, she wouldn't mistake him for someone else.

She waved to him, and he also raised his head and waved vigorously at her, his movements were as big as those staff on the tarmac directing the plane to land, for fear that she would not see it.She has already recognized the little black dot. Now, he ran up out of breath. "How?" A pair of expectant eyes looked up at him. He took out the corner-folded report card from the pocket of his jeans, and waved it in front of her proudly. She snatched the report card from his hand and shook it away, looked at it with a magnifying glass, and looked at him in surprise. "You got all As?"

He sat down next to her, put his face close to her, and asked: "What's the reward?" She pinches his face. He touched his face and said: "I thought it was going to be a kiss." She whispered: "This is the library!" He saw her chewing something. "what are you eating?" She blew mischievously into his face, and he caught a whiff of fruit juice sweetness. "It's blueberry-flavored gum. Blueberries are good for the eyes!" She stuffed one into his mouth. He opened the book he brought with him, and accompanied her to review it quietly.

I saw her pick up the magnifying glass and read the notes attentively, rubbing her tired eyes with her hands from time to time.He put down the book in his hand and told her: "turn around." She turned around obediently, with her back to him.He rubbed his hands, covered her eyelids, and massaged her gently with the warmth of his palms. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back, and remembered a game every little child played: her companion ran out of nowhere, covered her eyes with his hands, and asked her to guess who it was. If that day came, the darkness would be like it is now, with a pair of big warm hands covering her eyes, and a reliable chest behind her to catch her.Well, darkness is not scary.

She took a breath and smelled the smell of the chest behind her.Since her bad eyesight, her nose and ears have become more sensitive.She likes to sniff him, he smells so good, his body is mixed with sweet breath, warm breath and the smell of disinfectant on his body after going to class in the ward, like a baby just out of the delivery room.She could easily smell him out among thousands of people. He protested that he was already an adult.As for her, on the contrary, he could imagine that when she was carried out of the delivery room, she must be a very frightening and unruly girl who was furious, with hands and feet dancing wildly.Sure enough, a few years later, she rode an African elephant across the crocodile pool.

She told him that the smell of wild animals was not pleasant.They are not like pet dogs, which can be groomed and perfumed.His nose is not as sharp as hers, but he can still smell her.There is no one who can't distinguish the unique smell of a lover. The sweet smell often lingers in longing, reminding us that human flesh and skin are not only a body composed of cells, but also have the smell of love and dust. He took away the magnifying glass she had been holding.She needs an amplifier to replace the little mirror, he thought. The amp was like a desktop computer, with a raised shelf under the screen that hid a closed-circuit television, spread the book out on it, and adjusted the focus, font size, and magnification. multiples, that page of text will appear on the screen, and reading will be much more comfortable than a magnifying glass.

When Su Minghui went to class, Xu Hongzhi sneaked into her room, installed the machine, and then quietly closed the door and left. A few hours later, Xu Hongzhi was doing his homework in his room when he found Su Minghui had come.She looked at him, wanted to say something but didn't know how to say it, the expression on her face was complicated and lovely. He smiles at her. When he smiled, she understood. "Are you crazy? That machine is expensive." "I saved my pocket money to buy it." She didn't take it seriously: "Do you think you are a young master?"

"Of course I'm not a son of a bitch," he said. "That's right!" "You need it," he said softly. He had read a lot of materials about her disease, and then asked a professor of ophthalmology in the department, and the answer he got was that there was no cure for this disease.Since he couldn't cure her eyes, he could only try to make her life better. One day, however, he discovered to his dismay that the books assigned for the course were already straining her eyes.She is too tired to read other books. "Let me read to you in the future!" He said.

"Is it surround sound?" she asked. "I only have one voice, and of course I can only provide monophonic service. How about it? The opportunity is fleeting!" She thought for a moment, wrinkled her nose and said: "But what will you read?" "It's up to you, I can at least provide bilingual broadcasts." "It's up to you to choose. I can trust your taste. Do you have to pay for it?" He thought for a while and said seriously: "Let's do it! Exchange African stories." "That's a deal." She smiled and licked his cheek quickly.

He touched his face and said: "Ugh, you're doing what animals do again? That's disgusting!" She smiled mischievously, quivering contentedly like a hare.She never thought that one day, she would listen to books with her ears.However, if it was his voice that lingered in my ears, it wouldn't be so bad. She is willing to tell him the story of Africa ten thousand times.Everyone will think their own story is extraordinary.She suddenly realized that only when that story can be told to the one she loves one day, the ordinary will become extraordinary.We all need an infatuated audience to applaud our small lives.

He divided the books to be read for Su Minghui into two categories: those to be read during the day and those to be read at night.During the day, he reads something lighter, such as travel journals, magazines, and even cookbooks.At night, he reads novels.Since reading a book would take several times longer than reading it, he chose detective stories lest his dear and only listener should be tempted to doze off. He owns a complete set of Sherlock Holmes novels.He has been obsessed with Conan since junior high school.The detective described by Doyle.Of course, he also likes Dr. Watson, Holmes' assistant.Rereading the books he had already read as a teenager allowed him to rediscover the excitement in them.It's been a long time, and he has long forgotten what he has read before. She seemed to appreciate his choices, never once dozing off.She always listened carefully, as if she wanted to make up for the happy time of reading lost because of her eyes. She sometimes jokingly called him Dr. Watson.After reading the tense plot, she forbade him to read on, and asked him to guess the ending.Although she has never guessed correctly, she is quite spirited. Sometimes, she would ask him to read medical books.He also remembered the content of the book better because of reading aloud.He gradually realized that she didn't really like listening to these books that she couldn't understand, but that she didn't want to take up his review time. On the night of waiting for her to go back on the steps of the dormitory, he told himself that he would work hard for her in the future.A year of homework was wasted, and it takes double effort to make up for it.However, the joy of being able to fight for one person is incomparable.He couldn't take the stars for her eyes and make her eyes shine again, but they could encourage each other. Together, the road will be easier. By the second semester of the third year of medical science, Xu Hongzhi had read three fascinating Sherlock Holmes stories for her.Her "Doctor Watson" is excellent in reading aloud.His voice was cadenced, and he often deliberately stopped at tense moments, saying lazily: "I'm tired, that's it for today. If you want to know what happens next, please listen to the next chapter." So, is this case suicide or murder?If it was murder, who was the murderer?When did Sherlock Holmes figure it out?There were times when she flattered him, begged him, even pretended to be angry and ordered him to read on. Reading is the most private and happy time between the two of them.Other couples go to dance, sing, watch movies, but they are under the tree, on the grass, in the room, or downstairs on a rainy day, indulging in different stories and articles.She couldn't help but feel that she owed him.So, sometimes, she would suggest going out for a walk. When the two of them were outside, no matter where they went, he always held her hand tightly, as if he was afraid that she would get lost.At that moment, she would protest: "I'm not blind yet!" Every time, when she said the word "blind", she immediately smelled the sadness in him.Doesn't she know that she is racing against time?Before the day of blindness comes, she wants to look at him greedily as much as possible, and remember everything about him firmly.The Creator took away her eyesight, but never her memory. She once chased a group of cute little zebras on the prairie. This kind of animal, which cannot be tamed like a horse, runs very fast.She too had chased a herd of antelope behind a cloud of dust, foolishly thinking that one day she would catch them. There is no animal in the world that runs faster than time and life.It is not the speed that races the time, but the slow dance of love between two souls. A few years ago, she read Bai Ruier.Markhan's autobiographical story "Flying West at Night", born in 1902, trained horses in Kenya, Africa, and was also the first British female pilot in history to cross the Atlantic from east to west in a solo plane , in her autobiography, she mentioned a story about a race against life in an African fable. Another day, she asked Xu Hongzhi to read the book again for her. On a warm sunny afternoon, under the fig tree next to the medical school, Xu Hongzhi read to her a newly published "National Geographic Magazine", which contained an article about Kenya. They were back to back, and he held the magazine and said: "Listen! It's about your hometown." He likes to call Kenya her hometown. For her, that place is both a hometown and a foreign land. That article was about the story of a baby rhino in Kenya.After adult rhinos are hunted, young rhinos are left behind.They cannot survive on their own, and the poor orphans are bottle-fed by voluntary caretakers. "Look! It's a Hong Kong woman!" Xu Hongzhi pointed to a picture above and said. With a shock in her heart, she turned around and looked closely at the picture.In the picture, a woman lovingly hugs a wet and ugly baby rhinoceros.Like holding her own baby, she bottle-feeds the little animal in her arms. She didn't need to read the description carefully, she also knew that this was a photo taken by her stepfather.Her stepfather was a Chinese-American photographer who photographed wildlife. The woman in her early forties in the photo is her mother.Her mother loved animals more than her children.No, maybe she was wrong, a mother loved her freedom more than her responsibilities as a mother. Her parents separated when she was two years old.Her father was an emotional adventurer who thought lightly that marriage and children would settle him down.As a result, this brief marriage only taught him that being single was right for him.So, one day, he carried his luggage, got on a plane, and never came back. Her mother met her stepfather when she was four, and he was an adventurer of a different kind: photographing dangerous wildlife in the wilds of Africa.My mother fell in love with this brave photographer deeply, and even fell in love with his wild man.She left her four-year-old daughter in the care of her mother and followed her lover to Kenya.There, this woman, who had a failed marriage, found that the African continent was the world she yearned for. To redeem some guilt, her mother took her to Kenya when she was seven years old.At the age of nine, he threw her back like a mailbag. What she couldn't forgive was that her mother sent her away mercilessly because of the terrible accident that followed. Her loving grandmother once again caught up with the poor little granddaughter. It was not until after my grandmother passed away that my mother came back from Kenya.However, there is also a waiting period for family affection. After waiting for a long time, it can no longer be repaired.She and her mother could not speak ten words at the funeral, like two strangers. Instead of feeding her own baby, she tenderly feeds a baby rhino. She really wanted to tell Xu Hongzhi that this woman with capricious eyes was her mother.However, it may take some time before she can tell the story calmly. Su Minghui's grandmother was born in a wealthy family in Chongqing.The family has fallen and suffered war, and when my grandmother fled to Hong Kong, she was already alone. My grandfather died young, and my grandmother's college degree obtained in China was not recognized. She could only work as a clerk in a public library, relying on a meager salary to raise her only daughter.In his later years, he had to carry the small burden of his granddaughter. The library was Su Minghui's home and cradle when she lived with her grandmother.Grandma took her with her when she was at work, and she would sit obediently in the library reading and drawing.Books and paintbrushes are her toys, accompanying her through her childhood without parents. Grandma loves her very much.When I came home at night, no matter how tired I was, my grandma would sit by the bed and read fairy tales to her.How could she have expected that after many years, the hand of fate would arrange for another dear person to read the story to her?Although what I read is no longer a fairy tale, it is a more touching story. She was just worried that Xu Hongzhi spent too much time reading for her.The books that third-year medical students had to read piled up higher than his entire body.Where does he have time to study?So, many times, she would say: "I want to hear your medical book!" When he was reading, she would try very hard to understand, sometimes picking up a magnifying glass to carefully look at the pictures in the book. Those difficult contents, read out from his mouth, turned into rhymes.Various organs, viscera, complex nerves, and even painful diseases of the human body are transformed into a song written for the soul. What she used to repay this kind of natural beauty was to firmly remember not to mention the monosyllable word "blind" in front of him again. For many years, she lived alone and was used to being independent and taking care of herself.After being with Xu Hongzhi, she always hoped to take care of him and do something for him. On the day the two met again at the convenience store, he said foolishly: "I'm the one who tripped you up." He didn't trip her up.On the contrary, he was the one who helped her up.She always thought she didn't need anyone.Even after knowing that she was sick, she calmly arranged her future path so that she didn't need to rely on others. That day, she took all the painting utensils and threw them away.After returning, I found that my hands were stained with oil paint.She rubbed off the paint vigorously with turpentine.At that moment, she glanced into the mirror and was surprised to find that she was as cold and ruthless as her mother. We've all been there: Someone comes up and says: "There's good news and bad news, which one do you want to hear first?" She would choose without hesitation to hear the bad news first.Not out of pessimism, but pride, and at the same time anger at the world.She never thought of running away, even if there was an angry lion in front of her. Xu Hongzhi is good news following bad news. Doctors said she would lose her sight gradually.Then, he appeared, making her dumbfounded. In the world of tomorrow, he is always by his side.He cured her cynicism.After meeting him, she suddenly understood that there was no contradiction between being independent and having a hug she could rely on. Why do we long to care for those we love?That is an extension of love, wanting to leave traces of love in the life of the other person. At this moment, she found herself in Xu Hongzhi's room, cleaning up for him while listening to music.She hung the washed clothes in the closet, and sniffed the scent of washing powder on the freshly washed clothes. She rolled up his socks in pairs and put them in a drawer.One day, she found that his socks were all blue, and they were all of the same style, which she found incredible.He smiled and said: "They're all the same, so you don't need to find the other one." She giggled, she didn't expect boys to be like this. She was reluctant to spend money on clothes, but instead bought a few more pairs of socks.Each pair of her socks is different and patterned, embellishing her modest outfit in the most understated way.She regretted it a little now, she had to look closely at the socks to find out the same pair. His bookshelf is a mess.She took down the pair of skulls hanging next to the bookshelf, put them on the bed, and then started to organize the books on the bookshelf. After a while, she turned around and found a middle-aged man standing at the door, who seemed to have been here for a while. She took off her earphones and asked: "who are you looking for?" "I'm looking for Xu Hongzhi." "He's gone to class, are you?" "I am his father." Xu Wenhao said.He glanced at the bed, and was shocked to find that what lay on the bed was not his son, but a skeleton. She did not expect that this tall man with a calm and majestic voice was Xu Hongzhi's father.She quickly pulled a chair for him. Xu Wenhao sat down on the chair and found that his son's room was much tidier than when he came last time, as if there were hands taking care of him. "Shibo, would you like something to drink?" she asked. "No." "He should be finishing get out of class soon." She smiled at him. He looked at the bookshelves and asked: "Has he read all these books?" "Well, he likes to read." She said while tidying up. "I didn't know he liked Holmes." He noticed a set of Holmes on the bookshelf. "He likes to read detective novels, saying they can train logical thinking. He also likes novels describing the career of forensic doctors, although he doesn't want to be a forensic doctor." "Which major does he want to study?" "Neurosurgery." She replied with a smile, wondering why he didn't know. Xu Wenhao glanced at the girl.He was a little curious about her.Many people are afraid of him and feel that he is unattainable, even his son is a little afraid of him.The girl in front of him treated him as an ordinary person.Now, he even has to learn from her which specialty his son wants to study in the future.How many years?There is always a bridge between him and his son. He heard footsteps, is it his son?Maybe, maybe not, he wasn't sure. "He's back," she said firmly. Sure enough, after a while, he saw his son climbing up the stairs refreshed with a book in his arms. Xu Hongzhi couldn't help being surprised to see his father staying with Su Minghui.He was not so relaxed anymore. He stood straight at the door and called Dad. "Is there anything you want from me?" he asked. "I passed by here and came to see you." Xu Wenhao said. After a while of silence, he asked his son: "Is this your friend?" He nodded, walked up to her, and said: "This is Su Minghui." Xu Wenhao gave her a sharp look and said: "That painting was drawn by you?" He remembered visiting his son that day and seeing her paintings in the catalog of an art exhibition.His memory has always been extraordinary, and he passed it on to his son. She glanced at Xu Hongzhi in surprise. "Dad saw your paintings in the exhibition magazine." He told her gently. She understood, nodded towards Xu Wenhao, and replied: "Yes, Uncle." "This weekend is my birthday, Miss Su, come and have a meal with me." She turned to look at Xu Hongzhi and asked for his approval. Xu Wenhao had already stood up from his chair, as if giving an order to his son, he said: "Eight o'clock, just the three of us." Xu Hongzhi nodded helplessly at his father. "I'm leaving." Xu Wenhao said. "Dad, I'll take you out." "No, you can stay with Miss Su." Xu Wenhao went out.Only then did Xu Hongzhi heave a sigh of relief.He put down the book and lay down beside the skull, his head resting on his hands. "Are you afraid of your father? When you see him, it's like seeing a ghost." She said narrowly to him. "I'm not afraid of him." He said angrily. "Really?" She smiled and said, "You two are very polite." "He likes to give orders," he said disapprovingly. "I never knew what my dad was like. I haven't seen him since I was two," she said without even a hint of sentimentality. He felt sorry for it.We fall in love with someone and hope to have a future with her, but unfortunately, we cannot go back and mend her misfortune.She had no father since she was a child, he told himself, to be nice to her. "Aren't you afraid of my dad? Do you really dare to have dinner with him?" He asked with a smile. She cast him a fearless look and said: "I'm not even afraid of lions and tigers. Besides, he's your father. He doesn't know how to eat people." "He's more terrifying than a lion or a tiger." "Didn't you say that you're not afraid of him?" She glanced at him. "I'm not afraid." He said lazily, holding the skeleton bones. He is not afraid of his father, but he is afraid of talking to this man who is always on top. After some distance, Su Minghui could only see the outline of Xu Wenhao.He came suddenly and they met each other for the first time, she was embarrassed to lean over to see him.However, because of the fuzzy facial features and outlines, she was able to overlap the figures of the two father and son.She found that they had almost the same outline, and even their voices were similar.The only difference is that the father's voice is colder, the voice of a middle-aged man; the son's voice is younger and gentler. However, she could still smell the smell of avoiding each other between father and son.Before the son came back, the father asked her with a bit of care in his majestic voice, which specialty his son planned to study in the future.When the son came back, the caring tone suddenly turned into an order, creating a barrier between them.Xu Hongzhi also refused to take the initiative to break through this barrier.What is rippling in the room is a secret wrestling between father and son. She grew up without her parents by her side.It's all thanks to grandma. Although her family affection is regrettable, it is not lacking.She didn't even know what other families were like.Knowing Xu Hongzhi, he told her that his mother died in a plane accident.She could see that he had a good relationship with his mother.The pain of losing his mother almost broke him.One day he said gratefully to her: "Fortunately, I met you." It turned out that even she herself was good news following bad news.Love is often implied in opportunity, how similar are they?Comfort each other in the adversity of life. He rarely talks about his father.After meeting the two father and son, she finally understood. She wants the people she loves to be happy.One day she asked: "what can I do for you?" He smiled and shook his head. She thought she could do something for him.Later, she was ashamed to discover how proud and arrogant this thought was.Instead of bringing them closer, she pushed them away. On the weekend, the weather was fine.Xu Hongzhi and her walked around the Shi'ao market for a while.She brought a birthday present to his father.It was a palm-sized stone African head that Lily had given her last year.The stone sculptures made by Lili are very beautiful, and the students are rushing to collect them.The expression of this statue is both serious and a bit naive, which is very entertaining to watch.Xu Hongzhi's father would love it. At dusk they left the market.He held her hand firmly and walked along the path to the sea. "Here we are." He stopped suddenly. What floated in front of her was a beautiful castle in a fairy tale.On both sides of the winding road, green trees are planted. Against the backdrop of the sunset and the sea, the whole building rises like a mirage in the real world. "You live here?" she asked in surprise. "My dad lives here," he replied, leading her down the garden walk. "You still say you're not a young master?" She glanced at him. "Of course I'm not a prince." He said confidently, "These things belong to my father, and I have my own life." "Did you grow up here?" she asked him, standing in the middle of the garden. He nodded. "It's not as vast as the plains of Africa," she said mischievously. Although it is not as vast as the plains of Africa, it is different because of the traces of the people I love growing up.She looked at him with a sense of admiration.He is so simple and down-to-earth, not like a rich man at all. They went into the house.The servant told Xu Hongzhi that his father had been delayed by some business and was rushing back. As she walked through the long marble corridor, she noticed many oil paintings hanging on the walls.She looked closely, and these works of art showed the collector's extraordinary intelligence and refined taste. "He is a collector." Xu Hongzhi said. When she came to the living room, she was attracted by a painting hanging on the fireplace.The painting is not big, it is a modern pastoral painting.She leaned over to look at it, and the scenery in the painting revealed endless meanings. "It's a beautiful painting," she said longingly, her eyes shining with joy. After giving up painting, she seldom went to see paintings.This painting touched her heartstrings, and it was the most beautiful painting she had ever seen in her short life.She found, not without sentimentality, that she was far away from her paintings. "You can also paint again." Xu Hongzhi said beside her. She shook her head firmly at him. What she has decided will not be changed easily. "You're terribly stubborn." He gave her a loving smile. "I am," she said, apologetically. Then, she told him: "I am very happy to be able to see this painting. It is really amazing, who painted it?" "An unknown French painter." A voice behind her answered her. She turned around and found Xu Wenhao standing behind her. "This painting is the cheapest in this room, but within ten years, it will become the most valuable painting here. This person will definitely be famous all over the world." Xu Wenhao showed a proud look on his face. With a triumphant smile, he praised his vision, and at the same time, he also found that among the famous paintings in the room, this young girl could actually see the extraordinaryness of this painting.He couldn't help but look at her with admiration. This oil painting depicting rural life somewhere in Europe brought the three of them closer at once. Xu Wenhao has a lot of appreciation for Su Minghui.She was so young, it could be seen that she was not of extraordinary birth.The paintings she has seen are definitely not as good as his.However, the girl had a natural eye. Xu Hongzhi seldom saw his father be so warm to others.He realized that this time, his father extended a pair of friendly hands towards him.The hands rested warmly on his shoulders and told him: "I respect what you like." When his father saw the stone carving of the African head, he also showed admiration. It was just a student's work. He knew very well that all his father's collections were rare treasures in the world.His appreciation is not the gift itself, but the acceptance of this heart. His father's friendly hands touched him. Su Minghui was surprised to find that on this night, there was less struggle and more affection between Xu Hongzhi and his father. At this moment, they stayed in the living room.This lonely middle-aged man let go of his usual restraint and talked with her, talking about painters and paintings, and also told a few anecdotes about the transaction.She sincerely admired his rich knowledge, extraordinary taste and passionate pursuit of art.He seemed to be much younger all of a sudden, and he really wanted to mingle with them.When he found out, he kept referring to his collection, which seemed a little smug.So, he changed the subject and asked her about the situation at home. "My parents separated when I was very young. I was raised by my grandmother, who died when I was fifteen," she replied. He nodded slightly, and asked again: "What are your plans for this summer vacation?" "I will stay in school to study." Xu Hongzhi said. She saw a look of disappointment on Xu Wenhao's face.He might wish his son would come back to this big, empty house, but he couldn't say it directly.There is still a little time between them.However, compared to last time, it has improved a lot. "I applied for a summer job in the school library," she said. "Is it the library donated by our family?" Xu Wenhao turned to ask his son. Xu Hongzhi nodded and replied, "Yes." She looked at him in surprise, but she didn't expect that the school's largest library "Xu Beilin Memorial Library" was originally donated by them.He never told her. "It was donated by Dad in the name of grandfather." He shrugged and looked at her apologetically, as if to indicate that he had no intention of hiding it, but thought that these things had nothing to do with him, and he was still himself. Later, the topic returned to painting. "What painting have you drawn recently?" Xu Wenhao asked. "I don't paint anymore," she replied. "why?" "I have a problem with my eyes and it's impossible to draw anymore." "What's wrong with your eyes?" he asked with concern. "I'm going to lose my sight," she said frankly. "I'm suffering from an inflammation of the optic nerve. My vision is shrinking. Maybe one day I will be completely blind." "That day may never come." At this moment, Xu Hongzhi held her hand firmly and gave her a supportive glance. "That's a pity." Xu Wenhao nodded to her, expressing his understanding and understanding. Then he stood up and said: "Come on, let's go eat." Xu Hongzhi sent Su Minghui back before returning to his room.Before leaving, he read Sherlock Holmes' "Detective Vampire" to her at the bedside.Then he turned off the light and threatened her in a low voice: "I'm leaving! Be careful yourself." She slid into the bed, stretched out her arms, and said angrily: "I'm not afraid of the dark." Just now, when he left home, he told her: "My dad seems to like you a lot." "I am indeed very lovely," she said airily. He laughs: "Africa's welcoming desert melts an Antarctic iceberg." "Can't you see he's lonely?" she said. He shrugged. "Maybe he misses your mother." After a pause, she said, "I will die later than you, and I will die first. You must not be able to bear it." He smiled and said, "You cursed me to die early?" "The loneliness of a man is more pitiful than the loneliness of a woman! This is what my grandmother said. My great-grandmother passed away at a very young age, leaving behind my great-grandfather who missed his wife all his life. Back then in Chongqing, their love story was Very explosive." "My dad didn't love my mom that much," he said. One evening two years ago, he was studying here when he suddenly received a call from his mother: "Are you interested in having a meal with a lonely middle-aged woman?" My mother said happily on the other end of the phone. He smiled, hung up the phone, changed his clothes and went out. Mothers are like that, never like mothers.They were like friends, siblings, brother and sister.She and her father were two different people at all. His mother came to pick him up in the family convertible.He still remembered that his mother was wearing crisp white clothes, a pink patterned silk scarf tied around her head, and a pair of round sunglasses on the bridge of her nose, covering half of her face.He made fun of her for looking like a big fly. She asked nervously: "They say it's this year's style. Is it really that ugly?" "It's a nice big fly, though," he said. The mother is so beautiful that she doesn't need to dress up, she has turned all living beings upside down. The car drove towards the beach.In the lazy afterglow of the setting sun, they came to an open-air restaurant. "I'm going to India tomorrow," his mother told him. "What are you going to do in India?" "That was my dream when I was young! At that time, if I went to Calcutta, I might not have you." The mother was born in a happy well-off family.This beautiful and kind girl grew up in a school run by the Catholic Church.At the age of seventeen, she determined to become a nun and save other people's souls. After the grandparents knew what the only child thought, they were so sad that they didn't say a word to her for many days.My mother's heart was broken, she thought, how could she break the soul of her parents first before saving the souls of others? One day, my grandmother said to my mother: "In this world, many people are still suffering from diseases, why don't you save them?" Finally, my mother obeyed my grandmother's wishes and entered a nursing school.But she told herself that she would slowly convince her parents to let her become a nun.There is no contradiction between the identities of nuns and nurses.One day she will run to her merciful God. God is far away, but love is near. One day a few years later, my grandmother went to the hospital because of gastritis.At that time, it was her mother who had just turned twenty-two who was in charge of taking care of her.The grandmother liked this simple girl very much, and she wanted to match her with her son. That year, my father was already thirty-four years old.My father always had his eyes above the top.多年来，不少条件很好的女孩子向他送秋波，他都不放在眼里。 祖母为了让他们多点见面，明明已经康复了，还是说身体虚弱，赖在医院不走。出院后，祖母又以答谢母亲的用心照顾为理由，邀请她回家吃饭。 当时，母亲还看不出祖母的心思，父亲倒是看出来了。既出于孝顺，也是给母亲清丽的气质吸引。他开始约会她。 比母亲年长十二岁的父亲，没为爱情改变多少，依然是个爱把心事藏起来的大男人。他对女朋友并不温柔体贴，反而像个司令官，谈情说爱也摆脱不了命令的口吻。 “一年后，我实在受不了他。那时候，我决定去加尔各答的一所会医院工作，那边也接受了我的申请。出发前几天，我才鼓起勇气告诉你爸。﹂母亲说。 就在那一刻，她看到这个男人眼里不舍的神情，在他脸上读到了比她以为的要深一些的爱恋。 回去的路上，他静静地朝她说： "Let's get married!" 她本来已经决定要走，就在一瞬间，她动摇了。 发现她没有马上就答应，于是，他说： “你不嫁给我，不会找到一个比我好的。你的天国不在印度。” “那天，我以为他这番说话是难得一见的幽默感，原来，他是认真的。他真的觉得自己是最好的。﹂母亲笑了起来，说：”但是，你爸真的很聪明。我好爱他。我崇拜他，就像一条小毛虫崇拜在天空中飞翔的兀鹰。 " 他看得出来，母亲一直很崇拜父亲。她爱父亲，比父亲爱她多。她习惯了听命于父亲，把她无尽的深情，奉献给那颗过于冷静的灵魂。 “爸也许是一只孤独的兀鹰，但你绝对不是小毛虫。”他呵呵地笑了。 “幸好，你像你爸，遗传了他的聪明。他常说我笨。” “妈，你不笨。爸一向骄傲。”他说。 “别这样说你爸。不管怎样，你得尊重他。你爸一直是个很正派的人。他也很疼你。” “他疼爱我们，就像天主疼爱祂的子民一样，是高高在上的施予。”他说。 “他只是不懂表达他的感情。他跟你祖父也是这样的。他们两父子一起时，就像两只并排的兀鹰，各自望着远方的一点，自说自话。” 他灿然地笑了。母亲倒是比父亲有幽默感。 “男人就是有许多障碍。”母亲说，眼里充满了谅解和同情。 夜色降临的时候，露天餐厅周围成百的小灯泡亮了起来，与天际的繁星共辉映。那天晚上，母亲的兴致特别好，谈了很多从前的事。 沉浸在回忆里的女人，好像预感自己不会回来似的。她慈爱地对儿子说： “每一次，当我看到你，我都庆幸自己没进修道院去。要是我去了，将会是我这辈子最大的损失。” 他没料到，这是母亲留给他最后的一句话。 第二天，母亲提着一口沉重的箱子，带着一张支票，搭上飞往印度的班机，去圆她的青春年少梦。那笔钱是捐给会医院的。母亲还打算在医院里当一个月的义工。 恶劣天气之下，机师仍然试图在加尔各答的机场降落。结果，飞机滑出跑道，瞬间着火，机上的乘客全部葬身火海。 梦想破碎和坠落了，母亲在她半辈子向往的天国魂断。 那个地方真的是天国吗？ 假使她没去，也许永远都是。 鲜活的肉体，化作飞灰回航，伤透了儿子的心。他的生命，星河寂静，再没有亮光闪烁。 在悲伤的日子里，他以为父亲就跟他一样沉痛。然而，父亲仍旧每天上班去，没掉过一滴眼泪。他甚至责备儿子的脆弱。 他不免恨父亲，恨他多年来把寂寞留给母亲，恨他那种由上而下的爱，也恨他冷漠和自私的灵魂。 直到今天，父亲突然向他伸出一双友善的手。他也看到了父亲的苍苍白发。兀鹰老了。 他爱他的父亲，也许比他自己所想的还要爱得多一些。假如父亲能用平等一点的方式来爱他，他会毫不犹疑地朝那样的爱奔去。 他记起来了，就在母亲离开之后半年。有一天，父亲在家里摔断了一条腿。他说是不小心摔倒的，并且以惊人的意志力，在比医生预期要短很多的日子再次站起来。 父亲真的只是不小心摔倒吗？还是由于思念和悲伤而踏错了脚步？ 不掉眼泪的人，难道不是用了另一种形式哭泣？ 两年来，他第一次意识到，他误解了父亲。假如他愿意向父亲踏出一步，母亲会很安慰。二十多年前，这个女孩子为了一段爱情而留在尘俗。她不会愿意看见她亲爱的丈夫和儿子，在她离去之后，站在敌对的边缘。 他是如此渴望回报那双友善的手。几天后，当父亲打电话来，要他回家一趟的时候，他几乎是怀着兴奋的心情奔向那羞怯的父爱。 经过这许多年，他们终于可以坐下来，放下歧见和误解，放下男人的障碍，说些父子之间的平常话。他会告诉父亲他将来的计划。也许，他们会谈到母亲。 父亲在家里的书房等他。书桌上，放着苏明慧送的那个非洲人头石雕。 这又是一个友善的暗示。他心都软了，等待着父亲爱的召唤。 这一刻，父亲坐在皮椅子里，脸上挂着一个罕有的、慈祥的笑容。 “你记得鲁叔叔吧？”父亲倾身向前，问他。 “记得。”他回答说。鲁叔叔是父亲的旧同学。 “鲁叔叔的弟弟是美国很有名的眼科医生，一个很了不起的华人。关于那个病，我请过他。” “他怎么说？”他急切地问，心里燃起了希望。 “视觉神经发炎，到目前为止，还是没有任何药物或手术可以治疗。” 他失望地点了点头。 “你有没有考虑清楚？”父亲突然问。 他诧异地抬起眼睛，说： "I don't understand you." “有一天，她会失明。” “也许不会。”他反驳道。 “你不能否定这个可能。” “到那一天，我会照顾她。”他笃定地说。 “照顾一个盲人，没你想的那么容易。” “我会尽力。”他回答说。 “她会阻碍你的前程。”父亲说。 他吃惊地望着父亲，难以相信父亲竟然说出这种话。 “爸，你不了解爱情。”他难过地说。 “但我了解人性。”徐文浩冷冷地说，“有一天，你会抱怨，你会后悔。爱情没你想的那么伟大。” 他沮丧地望着父亲，说： “你不了解我。你太不了解我。” “你这是医生泛滥的同情心。”徐文浩不以为然地说。 “爱一个人，并不只是爱她健康的时候，也爱她的不幸。”他说。 “一个人的不幸并不可爱。”徐文浩淡然地说。 他绝望地看着父亲。母亲用了短暂的一生，也救赎不了这颗无情的灵魂。他凭什么以为自己可以感化父亲？他未免太天真了。 “我决定了的事，是不会改变的。”他坚定地说。 徐文浩从椅子上站了起来，说： “你坚持这个决定的话，我不会再支付你的学费和生活费。” 他哑然吃惊地朝他自己的父亲看。他从来一刻也没想过，父亲竟会使出这种卑鄙的手段。 “我也不需要。我从来就没有稀罕。”他说。 眼看这番话没有用，徐文浩温和地对儿子说： “你没吃过苦。” “我会去克服。” “别幼稚了！她愿意的话，我可以送她去外国读书，在那里，盲人会得到更好的照顾。” “她也不会稀罕的，而且，她还没有盲。”他陡地站了起来说。 现在，他们面对面站着，横亘在父亲与儿子之间的，是新的怨恨和再也无法修补的旧伤痕。 “你会后悔的。”徐文浩骄傲地说。 “只要能够和自己所爱的人在一起，其它一切，都不重要了。”一种坚毅的目光直视他父亲。 “我给你一天时间考虑。”徐文浩努力压抑着心中的怒火。他已经听够了儿子那些爱的宣言和训。终有一天，这个天真的孩子会明白，他这样做是为了他好。 “一分钟也不需要考虑。” 那个回答是如此决绝，冒犯了父权的尊严，枉费了父亲的爱。徐文浩的脸一下子气得发白。 然后，儿子说了伤透他心的说话。 “她可以不说的。她敬重你，说了。你反而嫌弃她，我为你感到可悲。” 就在那一瞬间，一个响亮的巴掌打在徐宏志脸上。他痛得扭过头去，悲愤的泪水，很没出息地湿了眼眶。 父亲的那一巴掌，没有动摇他，反而提醒了他，男女之爱并不比骨肉之情大一些，而是自由一些。我们遇上一个乍然相逢的人，可以选择去爱或不爱。亲情却是预先设定的，这种预先设定的血肉之亲，是一本严肃的书，人们只能去阅读它。爱情是一支歌，人们能够用自己的方式去唱出来。每一支歌都是不一样的，亲情却总是隐隐地要求着回报和顺从。他不想批评父亲，他也深爱母亲。但是，他对苏明慧的爱是不可以比较的。她是他自己选择的一支歌。这种全然的自由，值得他无悔地追寻。 这一天，苏明慧要他陪她到一个露天市集去。那是个买卖旧东西的地方，有书、衣服、首饰、家具、音响和电器，都是人家不要的。 她停在一个卖电视的地摊前面，好几十台大大小小的电视放在那里。手臂上有一个老虎狗刺青的老摊贩，坐在一张小圆凳上读报，对来来往往的人摆出一副爱理不理的态度。 “为什么不买新的？”他问。 “旧的便宜很多！这些电视都维修好了，可以再用上几年。”她回答说。 烈日下，她戴着那顶小红帽，在一堆电视中转来转去，终于挑出一台附录像机的小电视。 “这一台要多少钱？”她问摊贩。 那个摊贩懒洋洋地瞧了瞧他俩，发现是两个年轻人，于是狡诈地开了一个很高的价钱。 “这个烂东西也值？”她瞪大眼睛说。 “那么，你开个价吧！”摊贩像泄了气似的。 她说了一个价钱，他摇着头说不可能。他还了一个价钱。她像个行家以的，一开口就把那个价钱减掉一半。 这一刻，徐宏志发现自己尴尬地站在一旁，帮不上忙。他从来没买过旧东西，更不知道买东西原来是可以杀价的。他看着他爱的这个女人。她像一条小鳄鱼似的，毫无惧色地跟一个老江湖杀价，不会骗人，也绝对不让自己受骗。他对她又多了一分欣赏。 母亲从小就不让他成为一个依赖父荫的富家子。她要他明白，他和普通人没有分别。他和同学一起挤公车上学。他要自己收拾床铺。他穿的都是朴素的衣服。母亲最肯让他花钱的，是买书。他想买多少都行。 直到他上了中学。一天，他带了同学回家吃午饭。佣人煮了一尾新鲜的石斑鱼给他，他平常都吃这个。 那位同学一脸羡慕地说： “你每天都吃鱼的吗？” 那时他才知道，食物也有阶级。他们是多么富有。 然而，他一直也觉得，这一切都不是他的。父亲从祖父手里接过家族的生意。他们家的财富，在父亲手里又滚大了许多倍。但是，这些都与他无关，他有自己的梦想和人生。 他朝他的小鳄鱼看，高兴却又不无伤感地发现：她比他更会生存和挣扎。那么，会不会有一天，她不再需要他？他不敢想象没有她的日子。 突然，她转过身来，抓住他的手，说： "let's go!" 他们才走了几步，那个老摊贩在后面叫道： “好吧！卖给你。” 她好像早已经知道对方会让步，微笑着往回走。 她竟然用了很便宜的价钱买下那台电视。他不无赞叹地朝她看，她神气地眨眨眼睛。 就在他们想付钱的时候，她发现小圆凳旁边放着一台电视，跟他们想买的那一台差不多。 “这一台要多少钱？”她问。 “这一台不卖的。”摊贩说。 "why?" “质素不好的，我们不卖。”那摊贩骄傲地说。 “有什么问题？”带着寻根究底的好奇心，她问。 “画面有雪花。” “很严重？” “不严重，就是有一点雪花。” 她眼珠子一转，问： “那会不会比这一台便宜？” 那摊贩愣了一下，终于笑了出来，说： “姑娘，一百块钱，你拿去好了，你看来比我还要穷。” 她马上付钱，这一台又比她原本要买的那一台便宜一些。 他们合力扛着那台旧电视离开市集。 回去宿舍的路上，他问： “你买电视干吗？” “回去才告诉你。”她神神秘秘地说，头上的小红帽随着她身体的动作歪到一边。 “为什么不买好的那一台？”他问。 她朝他笑了笑，说： “反正对我来说都没分别。我只要听到声音就行了。” 他把电视调校好，画面是有一点雪花，但远比想象中好。她将一卷录像带塞进去，那是一套由美国电视摄制队拍摄的野生动物纪录片。荧幕上，一头花豹在旷野上追杀一只大角斑羚。那头受了伤的大角斑羚，带着恐惧和哀凄的眼神没命逃跑，没跑多远就倒了下去。 “原来你要看这个。”他说。 “我要把英语旁白翻译成中文字幕。这套纪录片会播一年，是莉莉帮我找的。她有朋友在电视台工作。”她说。 “你哪里还有时间？”带着责备和怜惜的口气，他说。 “我应付得来的。我是很幸运才得到这份差事的。没有门路，人家根本不会用一个学生。”她说。 “我和你一起做。”他说。 “你哪有时间？你的功课比我忙。” “我不会让你一个人做。”他固执地说。 她知道拗不过他，只好答应。 片中那头花豹衔着它的战利品，使劲地甩了甩，似乎要确定口中的猎物已经断气。 “在动物世界里，互相杀戮是很平常的事。为了生存，它们已经尽量做到最好。”她盯着电视画面说。 再一次，他不无伤感地发现；在命运面前，她比他强悍。他曾经以为她需要他。他忽尔明了，是他更需要她多一些。 她为他分担了学费和生活费，现在，她又忘了自己的眼睛多么劳累，多接了一份兼职。 那个在地摊前面杀价的她，那个淌着汗跟他一起扛着电视穿过市集的女孩，他亏欠她太多了。 苏明慧从非洲回来之后，每逢假期，外婆会带她到郊外去。有时候，她们也去动物园。外婆可怜这个小孙女成天困在图书馆里，于是想到要在生活中为她重建一片自由的天地。 她并不喜欢动物园，她不忍心看见那些动物给关在笼子里，失去了活着的神采，终其一生要等别人来喂饲，甚至从不知道在旷野上奔跑的自由。这种自由，是值得为之一死的。 但是，为了不让外婆失望，每次到动物园去，她都装着很兴奋和期待。 有一年，一个俄罗斯马戏团来到这个城市表演。外婆买了票和她一起去看。她们坐在那个临时搭建的大帐篷里，她看到了驯兽师把自己的脑袋伸进一头无牙的狮子口里。她也看到六头大象跟着音乐踢腿跳舞，赢得了观众的喝彩。 马戏团是个比动物园更悲惨的地方。这些可怜的动物经常给人鞭打，为了讨好人类而做出有如小丑般的把戏。当它们老迈的时候，就会遭到遗弃或是给人杀掉。 当生命并非掌握在自己手里，何异于卑微的小丑？ 为了外婆，那一次，她装着看得很高兴，还吃了两球冰淇淋，结果，回去之后，她整夜拉肚子，仿佛是要把看过的残忍表演从身体里吐出来。 然而，人原来是会慢慢适应某种生活的。为了外婆而假装的快乐，渐渐变成真心的。后来，再到动物园去，她脸上总挂着兴奋的神色。她甚至为每一头动物起一个名字。她怜爱它们，同情它们。她也感激外婆，为了她最爱的外婆，她要由衷地微笑。 在她更小的时候，她还没到非洲去，一天，她从楼梯上摔了下来，两个膝盖的皮都磨破了。她痛得蒙上泪花，楚楚可怜的眼睛朝外婆看，心里说： “扶我起来吧！” 外婆站在那儿，不为所动地盯着她说： “爬起来，不要哭。” 她咬着牙摇摇晃晃地爬了起来。外婆朝她说： “现在，笑一下。” 她忘记了那个微笑有多么苦涩。但是，她学会了跌倒之后要尽快带着一个微笑爬起来。她从没见过外婆和母亲掉眼泪。母亲不哭是无情。那外婆呢？外婆要她坚强地活着。 外婆在病榻上弥留的时候，她在床前，很没用的噙着泪水。外婆虚弱地朝她看，像是责备，却更像是不舍。她连忙抹干眼泪，换上一个微笑。直到外婆永远沉睡的那一刻，她再没有哭。 外婆死后，她要一边干活一边读书。她的母亲从非洲寄来一笔钱，她退了回去。她不想用母亲的钱。上了大学，她有助学金和贷款，又有兼职，要养活自己并不困难。她只是没料到会有这个病。 二年级的暑假之后，图书馆继续用她兼职，于是，她辞去了便利商店的工作。现在，她为电视台翻译一套动物纪录片。她还瞒着徐宏志，为出版社翻译一些自然生态的书。 医科四年级的功课那么忙，他根本不可能像她一样去兼职。他成绩优异，却不能申请医学院的奖学金。那个奖学金是他父亲以家族育基金的名义设立的。接受奖学金，就等如接受父亲的资助。他的家境，也太富有去申请助学金了。现在，他每天下课后去替一个学生补习。回来之后，往往要温习到夜深，第二天大清早又要去上课。 他为她牺牲太多了。这种爱，就像野生动物一辈子之中能在旷野上奔跑一回，是值得为之一死的。 有时候，她会预感那一天来临，尤其是当她眼睛困倦的时候。 到了那一天，她再也看不见了。 他将是她在这世上看到的最后一抹，也是最绚烂的一抹色彩，永远留驻在她视觉的回忆里。 当约定的时刻一旦降临，我们只能接受那卑微的命运。 然而，那一天，她会带着微笑起来，和他慢舞。 每天下课后，徐宏志要赶去替一个念理科的十六岁男孩补习。这个仍然长着一张孩子脸的男生要应付两年后的大学入学试。他渴望能上医学院。 男孩勤力乖巧，徐宏志也得特别用心，经常超时。 男孩跟父母亲和祖母同住。这家人常常留徐宏志吃饭。每一次，他都婉拒了。 并非男孩家里的饭不好吃，相反，男孩的祖母很会做菜。然而，只要想到苏明慧为了省钱，这个时候一定随随便便吃点东西，他也就觉得自己不应该留下来吃饭。 今天，他们又留他吃饭。他婉谢了。今天是他头一次发薪水，他心里焦急着要让苏明慧看看他努力了一个月的成绩。从男孩的祖母手里接过那张支票时，他不免有点惭愧。有生以来，他还是头一次工作赚钱。他从前总认为自己没倚靠家人。这原来是多么幼稚的自欺？ 整天忙着上课，没怎么吃过东西。离开男孩家的时候，他饿得肚子贴了背，匆匆搭上一班火车回去。 火车在月台靠停，乘客们一个个下车。就在踏出车厢的一瞬间，他蓦然看到了一个美丽的身影。她戴着耳机，背包抱在胸怀里，坐在一张长椅上，满怀期待地盯着每一个从车厢里走出来的人。 他伫立在灯火阑珊的月台上，看着这个他深爱的女人。他与她隔了一段距离，她还没发现他，依然紧盯着每个打她身旁匆匆走过的人。 就在这短短的一刻，他发现自己对她的爱比往日更深了一些，直嵌入了骨头里。 火车轧轧地开走了，月台上只剩下他一个