The pale green lights in the ophthalmology ward on the seventh floor of the hospital have dimmed.When Xu Hongzhi arrived, he had a thin book in his arm.Thirty hours of continuous non-stop work made his shoulders sag, and the shoelace on one foot became loose at some point, and dragged on the ground. He walked with him through the dark corridor to the last ward, where And light. The door was pushed open, and a girl about ten years old was leaning on the bed, with two blue and white slender arms sticking out of the quilt.From the moment she heard footsteps in the hallway, the girl's face shone with childlike excitement in anticipation.

"Doctor, are you here?" Her eyes turned to the door. "Sorry, I'm late, I'm busy today." Xu Hongzhi walked in, pulled a chair and sat down by the bed, and turned on the lamp by the bed. "Let's start quickly!" the girl urged, and reminded him childishly: "Yesterday, I read the passage where the shepherd boy had an inner conversation with himself. Doctor, read on quickly! I want to know if he found the treasure." At this time, the girl reached out to find her fluffy bear on the bed.Her eyes are invisible, and there is a clear white spot on the pupil, like lime water, blinding her vision.

Xu Hongzhi bent down, picked up the fluffy bear that fell on the ground, and put it in the girl's arms. The girl hugged the little bear to her heart.She likes to hold it when she listens to a book, and also when she sleeps.She loved him even though he had almost lost all his hair on his chest and had a patch on his thigh.It has been with her since she was three years old, and the older it gets, the more pitiful it is for her. Xu Hongzhi opened a book he brought, which was Paul.Kerr's.He'd read several books to the girl since she'd been in the hospital: Ursula, Le Guin's Orphans from Earthsea, and Jack.The Call of the Wild in London.The girl is a pleasant little girl, most of the time very quiet, only when she hears some tense scenes in the book, she will let out a low exclamation.

Girls love books.One day, when Xu Hongzhi came to visit her, she was listening to an audiobook.She had listened to that book many times and almost knew it by heart.When they talked about books, the girl boldly asked, "Doctor, can you read to me?" He couldn't resist those pitiful eyes.The girl was sent by the orphanage.When she was two years old, she had a high fever, which damaged her optic nerve. Two cataracts grew in her eyes, which robbed her of her vision. Since then, she can only see light and shadow.Her parents cruelly abandoned her.The girl was brought up by nuns, and she exuded a quiet aura from the monastery.The request to read also added a bit of moving sadness.

After that day, he came to the girl's bed every day and read to her.It was indeed a bit difficult at first, and he had to squeeze out as much time as possible from the heavy workload.There were times when he could barely keep his eyes open.However, the happy and devoted look on the girl's face when she listened to him read encouraged him. The books he chose were all books he had read before.He found it on his mother's bookshelf when he was fifteen.A few years later, he read the book again.That time, he didn't finish reading. For many years, he never thought that he would have the courage to pick up this book again.

Gradually, he began to look forward to the time when he came to bedside to read to the girl every day.Only by concentrating on reading for a moment, he was able to forget his physical fatigue and relive the years at that time. He suddenly understood that perhaps it was not out of pure compassion that he agreed to study for the girl, but the girl's request touched him.He also once read for one. Although the seasons change and time flies, those readings are still in his ears. They have never died because of the years, but they have been renewed with time. It always stings him and reminds him that those happy days will never return.Even when this physical body is withered, he may still be able to hear the echoes of that time, echoing in this life forever.

He opened the book.He marked the page he had finished reading yesterday. By midnight, he too had read the last paragraph. He looked up, expecting what the girl would say.They usually discuss the content after reading a book.She always has a lot of opinions.However, what he saw at this moment was a slightly melancholy face. "Doctor, will you come to study for me tomorrow?" the girl asked. "After tomorrow, you can read books by yourself without even needing myopia glasses," he said. The girl's mouth was pursed into a thin line, and she didn't speak. "The operation to remove cataracts is very safe. It was hard to say ten years ago. Don't worry." He comforted the girl softly.

The girl shook her head: "You did the operation, I'm not afraid at all." After a pause, she said, "But even if I can see, doctor, you can continue to read for me!" Xu Hongzhi smiled: "I'm not used to people watching me read, I would blush." "After you can see, what do you want to do?" He asked the girl. "I want to see what I look like." The girl said excitedly. "You look beautiful." "Others say that all the time. However, when they say this, there is always a deep regret in their tone." "There will be no regrets in the future," he said.

A smile appeared on the girl's face: "Doctor, do you know what else I want to do? I want to go shopping for clothes by myself after I leave the hospital! My previous clothes were picked out for me by nuns, and they only told me the color. You have to choose your own clothes. Sisters, especially Sister Chen, are very conservative, so they must not know what is popular outside." Xu Hongzhi giggled. Although the girl was only ten years old, she was a girl after all, and she was born with a love for beauty. "Doctor," the girl blushed, "Can I be your girlfriend when I grow up?"

"You don't know what I look like at all. Maybe, I'm ugly." The girl shook her head: "I heard the nurse in the ward say, you are young, handsome, nice, and a top ophthalmologist." He smiled awkwardly: "They will really make fun of me." "Doctor, do you already have a girlfriend?" the girl asked naively. He paused for a while, stood up, pulled the chair away, and said quietly to the girl: "It's late, you should go to bed." The girl meekly placed the plush bear beside the pillow, and slowly slid into the bed. "Doctor, have you ever cried?" Her head turned to the other side of the bed following Xu Hongzhi's footsteps.

"No." He whispered. "I smell salt." "It's the sweat on my body." "I can tell the difference between sweat and tears," the girl said. "When you were studying just now, you smelled sad. Doctor, have you forgotten? Blind people have a very keen sense of smell." He looked at the girl with sleepy eyes, but he was speechless.Although she is precocious due to her physical disability, she is still a child after all, and there are too many things she doesn't understand. "Doctor." The girl touched the fluffy bear next to the pillow, handed it to him, and said, "I'll give it to you." Xu Hongzhi asked her in surprise: "Why? Isn't this fluffy thing your baby?" "That's why I want to give it to you. Although it is very old, it will bring you good luck. Didn't I finally see it?" Xu Hongzhi took the stuffed bear, smiled and said, "There must be a lot of saliva on it." The girl smiled shyly, and the joy in her heart swelled a little: "Doctor, you have to keep it well! When I grow up, I will come back to ask for my little bear back in five or eight years. Then you decide whether you want me to be your girlfriend or not.” After saying this, the girl reached out to touch the light switch by the bed, turned off the light, and there was a happy smile on her mouth. However, tonight she couldn't sleep no matter what.Her mood at the moment was like the eve of her first trip to the orphanage. She lost sleep because of being too excited, and she was looking forward to the dawn all night.This operation is much more exciting than that trip.She's a little nervous.She is afraid that tomorrow's world will be different from the one she was familiar with. The girl turned her face to the side of the door, and there was hope and uncertainty in her voice. "Doctor, isn't this world a beautiful place?" she asked. There was no answer from the other side of the door. At that moment, the girl smelled the salty tears and sour nose, and heard a choked sob coming from a man's throat. When Xu Hongzhi left the ward, he had the book and a bald teddy bear in his arms.The fluffy bear hung on his burly body, looking so small and fragile, like tears, which should not belong to a strong man. Walking out of the hospital, he kicked a loose shoelace on his foot.The moment he knelt down to tie the shoelaces, a line of tears dripped on the back of his hands, slowly flowing between his fingers, and he wiped them away.After some effort, he stood up again. A drizzle that had just fallen wet the grass beneath his feet.He stepped on the splash and walked on the way back.He felt a few mosquitoes biting him, sucking his blood, but his tired legs were too weak to shake them off. He thought of the happiness of the girl lying in the ward.After tomorrow, she will be able to see the blue of the sky and the gray-green of the earth, see movies and human faces, and also see the color of love.Whether she likes it or not, she too will see parting and death. He went back to that day many years ago.On another piece of grass, which was greener and wider than this one, she threw herself towards him.Those were the days when he was most depressed. Like a lost bird in the forest, she occasionally landed on his shoulder, kissed a piece of his heart, and gave him a forgotten salvation. At that time, he didn't know that what fate imposed on him was not the green grass that day, but the rest of his life. He could only live with memories and longing for her. Xu Hongzhi hasn't seen the sun for a long time since his mother died in an airplane accident.His mother's sudden departure took away a part of his life forever.That year, when he was just promoted to the third year of the medical department, he often missed classes and devoted his vain days to computer games, indulging in them day and night.He became a master, but he didn't have the slightest joy of victory. He is absent from the exam.During the make-up exam, he left the exam room after answering only one question, rushing to buy a set of the latest computer games. He wasted his youthful energy and intelligence in the virtual world, sinking with sorrow.However, it was obviously him who lost.At the end of the semester, he was told to repeat a grade.In medical school, repeating a grade was a terrible shame, but he didn't even feel ashamed. Countless days, when he woke up with tears on his face, only that computer gave him an excuse to forget.At that time, he was as thin as a monkey, drifting alone in his own dark night, as if life had already abandoned him. On that day, the electrical system in the dormitory needed to be repaired, so he had to go outside.It was noon, and he squinted his eyes to look at the scorching sun, and suddenly had a thought: maybe, he could burn himself to death.In this way he can wreak a humble revenge on an unprepared fate. He slumped on the vast green grass, closed his eyes and imagined the trance state of a person after heatstroke, falling, falling, far away from the sorrows of the world, like taking a mouthful of opium, in his own fantasy. Every inch of his body was covered with sweat, and he lay there in a daze for an unknown amount of time, until he was suddenly kicked down. He gets up.Too late, a girl staggered forward at his feet, with a loud noise, and the hat flew off her head. He quickly helped the girl up.In the backlight, he saw her blurred outline and the hazy halo on her chestnut hair.Her honey-colored face was covered with dirt. "I'm sorry." He apologized to her with narrowed eyes. The girl shook him off, stood still, wiped the mud off her eye sockets with one fist, glared at him angrily, and said: "Why are you lying here?" "I'm sorry." He said while bending over to pick up the girl's scattered books and the red fisherman's hat. The girl snatched the book and hat back and asked angrily: "When did you lie here?" He couldn't answer for a moment.He never thought she would ask that.He also didn't think the problem had anything to do with her fall. "I didn't see you just now," she said, shaking the mud off her hat. "I lay here for a long time, and everyone could see it," he said. This statement somehow irritated her.She stared at him fiercely, her voice trembling slightly with excitement. "Who told you to lie here?" "I've already apologized, what else do you want? It's because you can't walk without eyes!" He was dizzy from the sun, and his usual self-cultivation was gone. Without saying a word, she raised the hat in her hand and threw it at the top of his head. He scratched his head and stood there in a daze. Before he could ask her why she hit someone, she had already lifted her chin and walked towards the dormitory. He didn't suffer from heatstroke, instead he was called back to the mortal world. A few days later, he bumped into her at the university convenience store.It was long past dinner time, so he went in to buy a cup noodle to satisfy his hunger.That day, there were only a few people in the store, and when he went to the counter to pay with cup noodles, he was surprised to find her standing next to the cash register. When it was his turn, she didn't seem to recognize him. "Did you work part-time here?" He asked with the intention of repairing. "Who are you?" There was some doubt in her eyes. "I was the one who tripped you that day." As soon as he said the words, he immediately realized how stupid the words were.But, like a bird out of the cage, it can no longer be chased back.He had no choice but to stand there foolishly touching his nose, which had been peeled from the sun a few days ago. Without looking at him, she opened the drawer of the cash register with a bang, picked up the change she wanted to get back, moved it to her nose, looked at it, and then put it heavily in front of him. He had no choice but to bite the bullet and took the change and cup noodles and walked aside.He couldn't believe how clumsy he was.Perhaps, when a person faces the computer all day long, he becomes stupid. However, after meeting her, although he is still lazy, he is not so keen on computer games. He walked over to the table, soaked the noodles in boiling water, then covered the lid, and waited for three minutes to pass.He stood with his feet crossed, his elbows on the table, his fist resting on his chin, and he watched her furtively.She was slender, with chestnut hair that was parted at one side and tangled in the other.On that face with a bright sun-like complexion, there is a pair of bright and clear eyes, which are a bit straightforward and a bit stubborn.Under the straight nose, there is a wide mouth.This whole face is a strange combination, but it exudes a unique taste, as if its owner came from a faraway world, where there may be another life, another kind of beauty and value. He later learned that it was because of a certain period of her childhood.Those days were her happy nostalgia, and it also became a knot in her heart that was difficult to solve in her life. She felt that he was looking at her, she stared at him, he quickly spread his legs, picked up the chopsticks and lowered his head to eat the noodles. The cup noodles have been soaked for too long, and they are already a bit overcooked.He has never had the patience to wait for the long three minutes for the cup noodles to soak. Usually, he waits for at most two minutes before he can't wait to eat.On this day, those three minutes passed quickly, and he would rather spend the night waiting. The boy who came to take over the shift arrived, and the girl took off her uniform, took her backpack and walked out from behind the counter. She was dressed plainly, with a brown skirt under a light green shirt, a pair of flip-flops on her feet, and the little red riding hood used for beating people was tucked into the back of her backpack. He found that both her knees were bruised and bruised, which must have been cut by the grass when she fell that day.When she went out, he followed her. "I'm sorry that day." He said with an apology on his face. She looked back at him, her dark eyes became strange, with a bit of arrogance, a bit of forgiveness, but also a bit of sadness. "My name is Xu Hongzhi." He introduced himself. She ignored him and walked quietly into the deep night. With his hands in his pockets, he watched her disappear little by little under the distant street lights.She hooked the two shoulder straps of her backpack with both hands, as if she was carrying a basket of things on her back.He noticed that she was not walking in a straight line. Until many years later, with the twilight of his memories, he could still vaguely see the lonely back that day. In the next few days, Xu Hongzhi went to the convenience store every day to buy something casually.Several times, when he pushed the door to go in, she just looked up and saw him, and immediately made a face.When he was queuing to pay, he gave her a friendly smile, but she returned his enthusiasm with a tightly squeezed wide mouth. Only once, when he entered, there were no customers in the store.She was lying on the counter reading a book.She buried her head very low, with a silly smile on her face.When she found him, she immediately put on a sullen face and hid the book. "She must be very short-sighted and refuses to wear glasses because she loves beauty." He thought to himself. The smile that was hidden for a moment was rippling in his heart all day long. One day, Xu Hongzhi went to the store to buy something again.He was at the back of the line, and a thin, dark-skinned girl leaned diagonally in front of the counter.The girl wore a headscarf covered with patterns of tropical animals, a total of more than a dozen earrings on both ears, a nose ring, a string of heavy silver necklaces around her neck, and a pair of scarves wrapped around her vest. The tie-dyed long yarn dragon reveals a small belly, and holds a sharpened bamboo pole in his left hand. He looks like an African cannibal, but he doesn't know why he is exiled to a big city. He recognized her as the girlfriend of the boy in the chemistry department next door.No one who has seen this kind of unusual outfit will ever forget it. "Will you come to the art exhibition tomorrow?" the cannibal asked. The girl he likes shakes her head behind the counter. "I really don't understand, well, why did you transfer to the English department." The cannibal said while chewing gum. She smiled and didn't answer. The cannibal blows out a gum balloon and swallows it back.Before leaving, he said: "I'm leaving, you have time to take a look." "Lily, what is the bamboo pole in your hand for?" She asked curiously. The cannibal looked at the bamboo pole in his hand and said, "I'm using it to carve a picture." She raised her chin towards the cannibal to express her understanding, but a suppressed smile appeared on her face.When she turned around, her eyes just met his, and he pulled the corner of his mouth and smiled.They knew it was the same person everyone was laughing at. She looked away immediately. Xu Hongzhi really wanted to ask the boy next door about her, but he had no excuses.One day, the boy with pimples all over his face came to the door automatically. "Can you take a look at me?" The boy named Sun Changkang opened his mouth wide at him. Xu Hongzhi took a look and found that Sun Changkang had several cuts in his mouth. "My girlfriend wore a tongue piercing yesterday." He said with a bitter face. "Apply some ointment and take some anti-inflammatory drugs, you should be fine." He opened the drawer to find the ointment and anti-inflammatory drugs and gave them to Sun Changkang. He sometimes diagnoses and treats the classmates in the dormitory. They are all minor problems, and they trust him very much.He bought the medicine from a pharmacy outside.However, in the past year, he locked himself in the room all day, and they rarely came to him. "Which department does your girlfriend study in?" He poured a glass of water for Sun Changkang to take medicine. He swallowed a pill.With a wry smile of happiness and appreciation, he said: "With her virtue, besides the art department, which department would accept her?" "I ran into her at the convenience store the other day, and she was talking to the clerk." He tried to say it casually. "Are you talking about Su Minghui? The girl with as much hair as a lion who always wears a little red riding hood?" "By the way, it's her." He finally knew her name. "She is Lily's classmate. I heard that she transferred to the English department this year. That decision seems to have come quite suddenly. Lily appreciates her very much. She doesn't always praise others, but she said that Su Minghui's paintings are very good." "Then why did she change departments?" He shrugged. "People who study art can't help being a little weird. They say art departments have the most weirdos, and medical schools have the most nerds." Xu Hongzhi smiled awkwardly. "But you are different. You will definitely be a good doctor in the future." Sun Changkang added. Xu Hongzhi looked ashamed. At that time, he was not even sure whether he could graduate. Sun Changkang put his hand on his shoulder and said: "Although I don't know what the reason is for you, everyone will be depressed sometimes." At that moment, he almost wanted to hug this boy with pimples on his face like popcorn.They've always been just nodding acquaintances.Even before today, he thought Sun Changkang was a dull boy.Just a moment ago, he thought that he could inquire about Su Minghui from him without any trace. He couldn't help feeling a little sorry and grateful to Sun Changkang.It's just that there are not many words between men that can be used to thank each other, as if the world has always lacked words to comfort others. After Sun Changkang went out, he opened the dusty venetian blind and pushed open a window in front of the desk.The sunlight outside came in, he stretched out his neck, and found a subtle change in the world outside the window. Just when the morning glory was in full bloom, the bird in the forest that fell on his shoulder, covered with bright feathers, gave him warmth and the will to continue living. For several days, he woke up with a smile on his face, and ran to the convenience store with a leap of hope, just to see her, and then went back with a heart full of enthusiasm.A feeling he had never encountered rose up in him.His eyes, ears, mouth and nose would be squeezed together unconsciously and he would laugh foolishly, just because he thought of the moment when she hit him with a hat. There are still many depressing things in life, such as studies, such as the irreversible death, which are beyond what he can bear.He longed to get out, to be with her, out of this life. The next day, Xu Hongzhi went to the art exhibition in the art department.The cannibal was there, chatting with a few boys and girls at the reception.He took a booklet and walked around the venue, but he didn't see Su Minghui's painting.There is a painting of cannibals, and that painting is also the most viewed. On the contrary, her paintings are not like her own outlandish costumes. The colors are quite dark and the style is somber, a bit like blues music. "Even cannibals say that she draws well, Su Minghui's paintings must be very good." He thought. He opened the catalogue, and saw a painting by Su Minghui on one of the pages.That modernist oil painting occupies half of the page, a lion hides in a sea of ​​colorful flowers, the mane on its head transforms into bundles of colorful color blocks, a butterfly perches on the left ear, innocent eyes with A little confused. He didn't know whether he liked the painter himself and found the painting beautiful, or he liked the painter more because he liked the painting. He walked up to the cannibal with the show brochure and asked her: "Where is this painting?" The cannibals don't seem to recognize him.She looked at the page he was pointing to, and muttered: "This painting was not exhibited." A cannibal with a tongue ring, his speech is a bit slurred.He leaned closer and asked: "Then why is it in the program?" "The catalog has been printed long ago, and this classmate later decided not to participate in the art exhibition." The cannibal replied. Disappointed, he left the venue. It was drizzling outside, and he hid the show brochure in his coat.It was an unforgettable lion, full of strange imagination.Why did she give up painting?Is it for the future life plan, or for reasons that he can't possibly know?He felt pity. At night, he went to the convenience store in the rain.When he opened the door and entered, Su Minghui was lying on the counter reading a book, wearing earphones.She frowned, looking very focused, as if she was studying.Maybe because she was listening to the song, she didn't know he was coming.She didn't find him until he took a cup of noodles to pay. She stood up, hid the book under the counter, and said thank you to him with no expression on her face. He walked over to the table to eat noodles.How many days has it been raining?He comes to eat noodles every night, and sometimes he also brings a book, and reads while eating noodles, so he can stay for a while.This night, there were only the two of them in the store. She continued to listen to the music, rubbing her eyes with her fingers from time to time, looking very tired.He found that her eyes were very similar to the lion in the painting.Did the lion have her eyes, or did she give the lion her eyes?When she rubbed her eyes with her fingers, it was as if she was trying to dislodge a butterfly from its eyelids.The butterfly just seemed to be teasing her, flew away and came back with flapping wings, causing her to blink a few times and even yawned a little.She covered her mouth with her hand just in time. A sense of happiness glides lightly across the lake of his heart like a white bird.All her little defenseless actions belonged to him alone on this rainy night, and they would be his forever. She didn't read that book any more.Whenever he was in the store, she would hide the book she was reading. When he walked out of the convenience store, he realized that it was raining heavily outside.Wave after wave of rain swept across, it was impossible to go back like this.He had no choice but to hide under the cloth tent to hide from the rain, but the rain still wet him. After a while, the succeeding boy ran out of the rain in embarrassment under an umbrella.It was time for Su Minghui to get off work, and his heart beat faster, looking forward to her coming out, but also afraid of her coming out. After a while, Su Minghui really came out, holding a red umbrella in her hand.She spotted him, and he smiled shyly at her.She hesitated for a moment.Instead of being sullen like usual, she gave him a sleepy smile. That rare smile encouraged him.He said to her: "It's raining so hard, even if you bring an umbrella, you'll still get wet." She lowered her head, didn't go out, and continued to stand under the dripping cloth awning, keeping a little distance from him, watching the rain by herself. "Your friend Lily is my girlfriend next door," he said. "So you already know my name?" she asked. He smiled and nodded at her. "Then you've already investigated me?" There was reproach in his tone. "Uh, I didn't," he said hastily. Seeing his embarrassment, she felt angry and funny. "I went to the art exhibition in the art department today," he said. She looked at the rain ahead, a little surprised, but did not answer. "I saw your work in the show catalog, but unfortunately it was not shown. I like the lion in the painting. It has a soul. You draw it very well." She looked up at him, a hesitant smile flitting across her face. Then, she said thank you, held up her umbrella, and walked out in the heavy rain. He ran up and walked beside her. She moved the umbrella over her head a little to his side.His shoulders were still wet. "Why did you give up?" The rain was too heavy, and he wanted to raise his voice to talk to her. "This is my business." Her eyes did not turn towards him. "I know it's none of my business, I just feel a little pity." She moved the umbrella back over her head and said as she walked: "I don't see any pity." "You're very talented," he said. "How many people can make a living by painting?" she said coyly, moving the umbrella over his side a little bit, a little bit more. "You don't seem like the type of person who would give up a dream to make a living." "How do you know what my dream is?" She was a little angry with him, and moved the umbrella back to her head. "Uh, I admit that I don't know." His face was covered with rain, and he shuddered violently. She couldn't bear it, and moved the umbrella in her hand to his side.In the end, both of them got wet. She didn't say another word, and the two walked silently. When the rain stopped, she closed her umbrella and walked on. She walked towards the girls' dormitory, and the tip of the umbrella in her right hand stopped along the way with her footsteps.She looked dejected. He regretted talking too much, and perhaps offended her.However, the rain brought them a little closer after all.Along the way, he felt that the umbrella in her hand had moved over his head several times. He thought he was physically strong, but he didn't expect to be defeated by the rain.In the middle of the night he had a fever, which was a cold.He took the medicine, fell into a coma, and did not regain consciousness until evening. He thought of one of his high school classmates, C.At that time, C got pneumonia in order to accompany a girl he liked to go swimming in winter.They all laughed and suffered from honeydew.Three weeks later, C recovered, but the strong girl was already walking with another boy. Filled with grief and anger, C framed the X-ray of the mottled lungs and hung it in front of the bed, always reminding himself of the vanity of love and the ruthlessness of women. What about him?He didn't know whether he was suffering from sweet-sickness or single-sickness at the moment. He had a headache, a stuffy nose, and was weak, but found himself missing her inexplicably in his illness. Love is a bad cold, no matter how strong a person is, he will inevitably surrender with his hands up and beg for a panacea. It occurred to him to write a letter to her, to encourage her, and to express himself.He took paper and pen and began to write the first love letter in his life. It didn't go well at first, he put too much pressure on himself, he was afraid that he could not write well, and he was very vain to show his hand and win her favor.Finally, he remembered the book he had read. He put the finished letter in an envelope, put on his clothes and hurried out. He was his own carrier pigeon, forgetting that his body was having a fever, holding the letter in his mouth, he almost ran and jumped, and flew towards the convenience store, where there was medicine for him. He walked in, Su Minghui was busy and didn't see him.He casually took a piece of paper-wrapped cake and went to the counter to pay. He gasped for air.She glanced at him and realized that there was something unusual about him.He blushed suddenly, took the cake, put the letter hastily in front of her, and slipped away before she had a chance to look at him. On the way back, he kept thinking about what she would think after reading the letter.He found that his fever seemed to subside and his body became lighter.But he still wanted to go to dreamland, where he dreamed of her echo. For the next two days, he went back and forth between the dormitory room and the lobby downstairs every day to see if there was a reply from her in the mailbox, but she didn't.He decided to go to the convenience store, maybe she had been waiting for him there, but he hadn't passed by for two days. When he went in, he saw several people surrounding the cash register, including boys and girls.Everyone's eyes were staring in the same direction, as if something attracted them. With her back to him, Su Minghui put bottles of juice in the refrigerator on the other side.He stood quietly behind a row of shelves, secretly looking at her with blissful longing. People were laughing and whispering.When they dispersed, he finally understood what they were reading: it was his letter. The two sheets of paper were glued pathetically to the back of the cash register.Too many people have seen it, and it bears a few dirty finger prints with curled edges. She turned around just in time to see him.He looked at her in disbelief. "Why are you doing this?" His body trembled slightly from the shock. "You mean the letter?" she said casually, as if admitting that she had done it. Frustrated, he froze there, speechless. "You'd better study hard." She said coldly. He didn't understand what she meant. "You don't want to repeat a grade again?" she went on. His heart twitched, but he didn't expect that she already knew. "It's not that I have the heart to inquire. Here, you can know a lot of things just by ear." She said. He didn't expect that this kind of frank love would be ridiculed and disgusted. "Because I like you, can you treat me like this?" Tears of grief and anger filled his throat, and he swallowed them back. "You like me, should I be grateful?" She said with a mocking tone. He was suddenly aware of her unreasonable hatred for him. "Why are you torturing me?" he asked through gritted teeth. "I just like to torture you." Her cold black eyes looked at him. "Why do you like to torture me?" With mockery in her eyes, she said: "The way I torture you is not to tell you why I torture you." "You woman, who are you?" He looked at her in surprise. "He's someone you shouldn't like." She turned her back to him, took a towel and vigorously wiped the ice cream machine behind her. He got it.His humbleness and stupidity will only be reduced to a laughing stock here.She is not the person he wishfully thought, and she is not worthy of his liking. He turned and walked outside.She never had a chance to torture him again. He didn't know how many days he slept like this, until a voice sounded outside the door: "Xu Hongzhi, someone is looking for you." He lazily crawled out of the bedding to open the door. The classmate who came to the pass had already walked away.He saw his father standing there. Why did father come at his worst moment?He was sleepy, unkempt, hadn't shaved in days, and was dressed in sloppy clothes. Seeing his son's appearance, Xu Wenhao's face darkened, but he tried his best to put on a tolerant expression.His son has eyes like his, but his character is too unlike him.He wanted his son to be stronger and less vulnerable. “爸。”徐宏志怯怯地唤了一声，然后拉了一把椅子给他。 徐文浩身上散发着一种他儿子没有的威严和气度。他穿著一套剪裁一流的深灰色薄绒西装，衬上深蓝色暗花丝质领带和一双玫瑰金袖扣，低调但很讲究。他五十七岁了，看得出二十年前是个挺拔英俊的男子。二十年后，虽然添了一头灰发，脸上也留下了光阴的痕迹，风度却依然不凡。他的眼神冷漠而锐利，好像什么都不关心，也好像没有什么事情能瞒得过他。他是那样令人难以亲近，把自己变成了一个寂寞的男人。 他一边坐到椅子里一边跟儿子说： “没去上课吗？”语气像是责备而不是关心。 徐宏志站在父亲跟前，低着头说： “今天有点不舒服。” “有去见医生吗？”不像问候，反而像是审问。 “我自己吃了药，已经好多了。”他心不在焉地说。 一阵沉默在父子之间缓缓流动。徐文浩留意到一本画展的场刊躺在乱糟糟的书桌上，翻开了的那一页吸引着他。那一页登了苏明慧的画。 他拿起来看了看，说： “这张画还可以。是学生的作品吧？” 徐宏志很诧异他父亲对这张画的评价。父亲是个十分挑剔的人，他说还可以，已经是给了很高的分数。 虽然他心里仍然恨苏明慧，为了跟父亲抗争，他偏要说： “我觉得很不错。” 徐文浩知道儿子是故意跟他作对的。有时候，他不了解他儿子。他所有的男子气概似乎只会用来反叛自己的父亲。 “这一年，我知道你很难受。”他相信他能够明白儿子的心情。 “也并不是。”徐宏志回答说。他不相信父亲会明白他，既然如此，他宁可否定父亲。 他感到儿子在拒绝他的帮助，也许他仍然因为他母亲的事而恨他。 “剑桥医学院的院长是我朋友，我刚刚捐了一笔钱给医学院，你想不想去剑桥念医科？用你前年的成绩，应该没问题。” “爸，我喜欢这里，而且，我想靠自己的能力。”他拒绝了父亲。父亲最后的一句话，使他突然意识到，他去年的成绩，在一向骄傲的父亲眼里，是多么的不长进，所以父亲才想到把他送去英国，不让他留在这里丢人现眼。父亲不会明白，分别并不在于此处或天涯。父亲也永不会明了失败的滋味。 徐文浩再一次给儿子拒绝之后，有些难过。他努力装出不受打击的样子，站了起来，说： “你吃了饭没有？”他很想跟儿子吃顿饭，却没法直接说出来。 “我吃了。”他撒了个谎。 “那我走了。”他尽量不使自己显得失望。 他偷偷松了一口气，说：“我送你出去。” “不用了，你休息一下吧。再见。”那一声“再见”，不像是跟自己儿子说的，太客气了。 徐文浩走出房间，下了楼梯。 徐宏志探头出窗外，看到父亲从宿舍走出来。家里的车子在外面等他，司机为他打开车门，他上了车。 车子穿过渐深的暮色，消失在他的视线里。他退回来，把窗关上。 那个唯一可以把他们拉近的人已经不在了。父亲和他之间的距离，将来也只会更遥远一些。 他溜到床上，把脸埋入枕头，沉溺在他残破的青春里。 剧社的人在大学里派发新剧的宣传单，每一张宣传单都很有心思地夹着一朵野姜花。一个女生塞了一份给苏明慧。她把它揣在怀里，朝课室走去。 她选了课室里靠窗的一个座位，把带来的那本厚厚的书摊开在面前。那封信夹在书里。 她用一块橡皮小心地擦去信纸上的几个手指印，又向信纸吹了一口气，把上面的橡皮屑吹走，然后，她用手腕一下一下的把信纸熨平。 已经没有转回的余地了，徐宏志心里一定非常恨她。 她何尝不恨他？ 为什么他要在这个时候出现？为什么他的信要写得那么好？他在信里写道： 你也许会责怪我竟敢跟你谈你的梦想。我承认我对你认识很少。（我多么渴望有天能认识你更多！） 我以前读过一本书，书名叫，书里说：“当你真心渴望某样东西时，整个宇宙都会联合起来帮助你完成。”当我们真心去追求梦想的时候，才有机会接近那个梦想，纵使失败，起码也曾经付出一片赤诚去追逐。 我希望你的梦想有天会实现，如同你眼眸绽放的笑容一样绚烂，虽然我可能没那么幸运，可以分享你的梦想。 一个男人对一个女人的神往，也许会令她觉得烦人和讨厌。那么，我愿意只做你的朋友。 第一次读到这封信的时候，她几乎醉倒了。然而，一瞬间，一种难言的酸楚在她心中升了起来。他以为她没读过那本书吗？她曾经真心相信梦想，眼下，她不会再相信所谓梦想的谎言了。 他喜欢的，不过是他眼睛看到的一切。 她恨造物主，恨自己，也恨他。 她只想要他死心，而他现在应该已经死心了。 有多少个晚上，她期盼着他来到店里。他出现的时候，她偏偏装作漫不在乎。他怀里经常揣着一本书，他和她是同类，都是书虫。 将来，他会看得更多，而她会渐渐看不见了。 那朵野姜花的清香扑面而来，她把它跟徐宏志的信一起放在书里。 她朝窗外望去，看到了他们初遇的那片青草地。他有一把非常好听的声音。那把震动她心弦的声音仿佛是她宿命的预告。造物主夺去她的视力，却让她遇到这把声音，是嘲讽，还是用这把声音给她补偿？ 终有一天，她唯一可以依赖的，只有她的听力。 三个月前的一天，她画画的时候，发现调色板里的颜色一片朦胧。她以为自己只是累了。 过了几天，她发现情况并没有好过来。她看书的时候，头埋得很低才得清楚。她看人的时候，像是隔着一个鱼缸似的。 她以为自己患了近视，没想到这么大个人了，才有近视眼，谁叫她常常在床头那盏灯下面看书？ 她去见了校医，校医要她去见一位眼科医生。 那位眼科医生替她做了详细的检查。复诊的那天，他向她宣告： 她将会渐渐失去视力。 “有人可以照顾你吗？”那位好心的医生问。 她摇了摇头。 "where is your family?" “他们在别处。”她回答说。 几个小时之后，她发现自己躲在宿舍房间的衣柜里。她抱着膝头，蜷缩成一团，坐在一堆衣服上面。惟有在这里面，看得见与看不见的，都没有分别。她伸手不见五指，看不到一点光，只听到自己的呼吸。 过了许久之后，她听到房间外面响起一个声音，有人在呼唤她的名字。She didn't answer.那人推门进来，踱到衣柜前面，自言自语地说： “呃，她不在这里。” 那是莉莉的声音。 然后，她听到莉莉离开时顺手把门带上的声音。留下来的，是一片可怕的寂静。 她再也不住了，双手覆住脸，呜呜地啜泣，身体因害怕而颤抖哆嗦。即使刚才那个不是莉莉，而是任何一把声音，任何一个陌生人的召唤，都会使她的眼泪终于缺堤。 贝多芬聋了还能作曲，然而，一个把什么颜色都看成毛糊糊一片的人，怎么还能够当上画家？所有她曾经梦想的梦，都将零落漂流。她唯一能够扳回一城的方法，不是自哀自怜，而是弃绝她的梦想。 第二天，她去申请转系。 系主任把她叫去，想知道她转系的原因，试图游说她改变主意。 系主任是位多愁善感的雕塑家，很受学生爱戴。 “我看过你的画，放弃实在可惜。”他说。 这种知遇之情把她打动了，她差一点就要告诉他。然而，想到他知道原因后，除了同情，也改变不了事实，她的话止住了。她讨厌接受别人的怜悯。 她现在需要的是谋生，从英文系毕业，她起码可以当传译员，甚至到盲人学校去书。她没有什么人可以依靠，除了她自己。 系主任对她的决定感到可惜。于是，她得以带着尊严离开他的办公室。 那个夜晚，她蹲坐在宿舍房间的地板上，把油彩、画架、她珍爱的画笔和所有她画的油画，全都塞进几个黑色塑料袋里。徐宏志在画展场刊上看到的那张画，使她犹疑了一阵，那是她耗了最多心血和时间画的，是她最钟爱，也是她画的最后一张画了。她把它跟其它东西一起拿去扔掉，好像她从来就没有画过画一样。 把所有东西扔掉之后，她发现自己双手沾了一些红色和蓝色的油彩。她在洗手槽里用松节油和一把擦子使劲地擦去那些油彩。她不要眷恋以往的生活和梦想，眷恋也是一种感情，会使人软弱。 她曾经憧憬爱情，今后，爱情也像随水冲去的油彩一样，不再属于她。她不要成为任何人的负累。 徐宏志偏偏紧接着她的厄运降临，就像她明明已经把所有油彩拿去扔掉了，其中一管油彩却诡秘地跟在她身后，提醒她，她曾经憧憬的幸福与眼下的无助。她不免对他恼火，却又明知道他是无辜的。 她回到宿舍，把那本厚厚的书放在床头。野姜花的味道在房间里和她手指间飘散，掺杂了泥土和大地的气息。她以为自己已经平静多了，却发现她开始想念徐宏志。 她把对造物主的恨转移到他身上，爱情却恰恰是造物以外的法度。 她相信命运吗？还是宁愿相信爱情的力量？梦想是注定寻求不到的，但我们不免会想念曾经怀抱的梦想。爱情是我们的自由，只是，她不知道这种自由会换来几许失望。 她朝窗外看去，牵牛花已经开到荼靡了。徐宏志会把她忘记，她也会忘掉他。只消一丁点光阴，他们以后的故事都会改写。 然而，在这样的时刻，她想起了那个老旧的德国童话。故事里的吹笛人为城镇驱赶老鼠。镇上的居民后来食言，拒绝付他酬劳。为了报复，吹笛人用笛声把镇上所有的小孩子都拐走。 当爱情要召唤一个人的时候，强如那掺了魔法的笛声，只消一丁点光阴，人会身不由己地朝那声音奔去。 她想向他道歉。 她提醒自己，道歉并不是一种感情，而是人格。 那真的不是一种感情吗？ 她为了那样伤害他而感到内疚。 内疚难道不是感情？ 我们会为不曾喜欢，或是不曾挣扎要不要去喜欢的人而内疚，害怕他受到伤害吗？ 她来到男生宿舍，上楼到了他的房间。那扇门敞开着。徐宏志软瘫在一把有轮的椅子里，两条腿搁在书桌上，背朝着她，在读一本书，但看起来无精打采的。 房间的墙上用木板搭了一个书架，横七竖八地放满了书。书架旁边，挂着一副医科生用的骷髅骨头，并不恐怖，反而有点可怜和滑稽。这副骷髅骨的主人生前一定没料到，他的骨头在他死后会吊在某个陌生人的房间里，只影形单地给人研究。 那张单人床上的被子翻开了，一条牛仔裤搭在床边，裤脚垂到地上。房间里荡漾着书的气息，也夹杂着肥皂香味，洗发精和单身乏人照顾的男生的味道。 有点带窘的，她低声说： “徐宏志。” 他的背影愣了一下，把脚缩回来，缓缓地朝她转过身去，似乎已经认出她的声音。 她投给他一个温和的眼神，他却只是直直地望着她，声音既清亮又冷酷： “你来干吗？” 她脸上友善的神情瞬间凝结，难堪地立在那儿。 他并没有站起来，仍旧坐在那把有靠背和扶手的绒布椅子上，仿佛是要用这种冷漠的姿态来挽回他失去的尊严。 “你把我侮辱得还不够吗？”带着嘲讽的意味，他说。 他好像变成另一个人似的，她后悔自己来了。但是，既然来了，她得把话说清楚。 “徐宏志，你听着。”她静静地说：“我是来跟你道歉的。” 他怔在那儿，满脸惊讶，但那张脸一瞬间又变得阴郁。 “你这一次又想出什么方法来折磨我？”他冷笑了一声，继续说：“我开始了解你这种女人，你会把男生的仰慕当作战利品来炫耀，然后任意羞辱你的战俘！” 她的心肿胀发大，生他的气，也生自己的气。 “你怎么想都随你，你有权生我的气。”她退后一步，带着满怀的失落转身离去。 听到她走下楼梯的脚步声，他懊恼地从椅子上站了起来。他对她实在摸不透，当他想要忘记她的时候，她偏偏又飞了回来，栖在那儿，显得小而脆弱，唤起了他心中的感情。 他不知道她那双漆黑闪亮的眼眸里到底藏着什么心事。他希望自己再长大一些，老一些，更能了解女人，而不是像现在这样，只会用冷言冷语来掩饰年轻的青涩。 爱情始于某种不舍。他曾经舍不得每天不去便利商店偷偷看她一眼，哪管只是一段微小的时间。就在这一刻，他发现自己舍不得伤害她，舍不得让她带着失望离去。 他奔跑下楼梯，发现她已经走出宿舍，踏在花圃间一条维修了一半的步道上，快要从他的视野中消失。他连忙走上去，拉住她的背包。 她倒退了半步，朝他转过身来，那双清亮的眼睛生气地瞪着他，怏怏地问： “你想怎样？还没骂够吗？” 他吸着气，好像有话要说的样子。 没等他开口，她盯着他，首先说： “你又想出什么方法来报复？还是那些战利品和战俘的比喻吗？” “你不是说我有权生气的吗？” 她一时答不上来，投给他疑惑的一瞥，搞不清他到底想怎样。 “不过，”他朝她抬了抬下巴，得意地说： “我弃权。” “呃，那我应该感谢你啦？”她蹙着眉，故意不显出高兴的样子。 “不用客气。”他唇上露出一弯微笑。 “那我就不客气了。”她径自往前走。 他走到她身畔，踢走脚边的一颗石子。 她朝他看，一边走一边绷着脸问他： “你干吗跟着我？” 他的脸红了，老盯着路面，踢走脚下一颗石子，然后又是一颗，再一颗。 “你是不是打算一路为我清除路障？”带着嘲弄的语气，她问。 他踩住脚下的一颗石子，双手窘困地插在口袋里，终于说： “对不起，我不是故意让你难堪的。” 她回过头来，怔怔地望着他。他站在那儿，傻气而认真，为自己从没做过的事道歉。这颗高贵的灵魂感动了她，她明白自己对他的恨是毫无理由的。 “好吧，我原谅你。”她眨了眨眼，调转脚跟，继续往前走。 “你原谅我？”他好笑地问。 “嗯，是的。”她点了点头。 他开始有一点明白她了。她嘴巴比心肠硬。 “你不会是头一次写信给女孩子的吧？”她边走边说。 “是头一次。”他急切地回答。 “不会是从什么《情书大全》抄下来的吧？”她促狭地说。 “当然不是。”他紧张地说。 “我读过那本书。”她说。 "You mean?" She nodded. “是什么时候读的？” “你以为只有你读过吗？我早就读过了。” “我十五岁那年读的。”他说。 “我十一岁那年已经读过，比你早四年。” 他狐疑地看着她，说： “年纪这么小，会看得明白吗？” “智商高，没办法。”她神气地说。 “那时很想去看看书里提到的埃及沙漠。”他说。 “我去过沙漠，非洲的沙漠。”她告诉他。 "When did you go?" “我小时候在肯亚住了三年。” “怪不得。” “什么怪不得？” “你有一种近似非洲豪猪的野蛮！豪猪身上就长满毛刺，会刺得人很痛。” “我也见过一头很像你的狒狒。”她懒懒地说。 “那么，你是真的见过狮子？”他想起她那张画。 她“嗯”了一声，不太想提起狮子的事。 “你喜欢非洲吗？”他问。 “那个地方不属于我。”她淡淡地说。 “有机会，我真想去金字塔。”他兴致勃勃地说。 她突然静了下来。她没去过金字塔。她原以为总有一天会去的。从今以后，所有风景都没分别了，都成了一片模糊的远景。 “你记不记得牧羊少年在沙漠里认识了一位炼金术士？”过了一会，她说。 "Yeah." He nodded. “那位炼金术士拥有一颗哲人石和一滴长生露。” “我记得这一段。” “哲人石能把任何东西变成黄金，喝下长生露的人，会永远健康。” “这两样都不可能。”他回答说。 她却多么希望这个故事不是寓言。 “你为什么要念医科？”她突然问。 这个问题深深触动了他。过去的一年，他几乎忘记了当初为什么选择医科，也忘记了他曾经热切努力的目标和梦想。 “我想把别人的脑袋切开来看看。”他笑笑。 “你这么聪明，不像会留级。”她说。 “我并不聪明。”他耸耸肩，无奈地说。 “毕业后，你打算修哪一个专科？”她问。 “我想做脑神经外科，那是最复杂的。” 她停下脚步，朝他抬起头，说： “你看看我的眼睛有什么问题？” 他凑近她，就着日光仔细地看看那双漂亮的黑眼珠，然后说：“没什么问题。” “幸好你选了脑神经外科，而不是眼科。”她揉了揉眼睛，朝他微笑。 他心头一震，惊讶地望着她，在她眼中读出了哀凄的神色。 “我的眼睛有毛病，是视觉神经发炎，三个月前发生的。医生说，我的视力会渐渐萎缩。一旦复发，我便什么也看不见了。幸运的话，那一天也许永远不会来临。但是，也许下一刻就来临。就像身上系了个计时炸弹，它不会把我炸成碎片，只是不再让我看东西。”她静静地说完。 他太震惊了，一瞬间，他恍然明白，为什么在草地上摔倒的那天，她会那么生气。她害怕自己是根本看不到他躺在那里。他终于知道她为什么放弃画画，为什么从来不在他面前看书。他太笨了，竟然看不出来，还训她不要放弃梦想。 他在书上读过这个病。病因是病人的免疫系统突然出了问题，可能是遗传，也可能跟遗传没有关系。这个病无药可治，病人的视野会渐渐缩小，盲点愈来愈大，把颜色混淆，一旦复发便很严重，也许最后连光暗都看不见。 她却能够平静地道出这个故事。他难过地望着她，为自己所做的一切而愧疚。她的冷淡或冷酷，无非是想把他气走，他却生她的气，以为她是故意折磨他。就在前一刻，他还故作幽默的取笑她像非洲豪猪。 “别这样看着我，我不需要同情。我觉得现在很好。比起一出生就看不见的人，我看的东西已经够多了。我见过牵牛花，见过海边成千上万的红鹳，见过狮子，野豹和羚羊。当然也见过豪猪。我见过浩瀚的沙漠，见过沙漠最壮阔的地平线，也见过我自己。”她坚强地说。 他不知道要对她说些什么。他也许懂得安慰脆弱的心灵，却不晓得坚强的背后有过几许挣扎和辛酸，又有多么孤单。 “有时候，其实也不用看得太清楚，尤其当你有一张自己都不喜欢的阔嘴。”她逗趣地说。 他很想告诉她，那张阔嘴把她的脸衬得很漂亮。但他实在没法若无其事地挤出一个笑容来认同她的黑色幽默。 她继续说：“大部分动物只看到黑白两色，鲨鱼更是大近视。它们照样生存，而且比我们勇敢。” 他失神地点点头。 她朝他微笑：“我的眼睛，从外表是看不出有毛病的。所以，你还是会成为一位好医生的，呃，应该是一位好的脑神经外科医生才对。” 然后，她说： “我要上课了。再见。”这最后一句话，却