Chapter 5 girl in tower

Reason for selection: When I was studying, there was a very beautiful girl in our class, but she told me that she was very lonely.When she said this, the expression on her face was very painful. Although she looked beautiful in pain, I felt deep sympathy for her. Then I wrote this "Girl in the Tower".For a long time, this novel was my favorite.It won the most popular work award from "Youth Literature and Art" that year. Hope you will like it too. girl in tower When I was a little girl, I always thought that when I grow up one day, I will be young and beautiful, I don't know how good it will be.

One day I suddenly found that I had grown up, like a budding flower, quietly blooming in a very ordinary morning without a sound, so I began to have a sweet fear, a premonition that something was going to happen, Good or bad. Now I begin to understand that no matter how beautiful things are, there is always a moment when the epiphyllum withers.Time flies, and I will gradually grow old, completing my life like completing a novel.The only thing I should do is to find a few wonderful plots for myself and for all the people who read me intentionally or unintentionally. My name is Jing. Very common name.

But I'm very beautiful, which determines that I can't be a girl who grows up normally in this life. Before the age of fifteen, beauty was just a corolla on my head, and I had never seen it. Only after I turned fifteen did I truly realize its value with my own skin.For the other girls around me, I have gained a rare wealth, a wealth that makes me worry and happy at times, not knowing whether it is a blessing or a disaster, and it is difficult to distinguish the good from the bad. That year I was admitted to the senior high school of the city's key middle school. For me, who has been in the school for nine years, it is undoubtedly a new page in my life.I repeated the same dream for several nights. I dreamed that a mysterious door slowly opened towards me in the thick fog, and an indistinct sound like "Open Sesame" echoed in the huge space for a long time... …

To this day, when I think of the time when I first entered school, there is still a kind of happy throbbing in my heart.I have no doubt that many years later, when I am very old, I will recall this young girlhood, and this kind of throbbing will still come back and make people cry. From the first day I stepped into the school gate, I was given the title of "School Beauty". According to word of mouth, I almost became a saint over Brigitte Lin, Maggie Garbo and Vivien Leigh. So for a long time after that, after class, boys and girls in twos and threes always walked past our classroom with their heads poking around, with the panicked joy of seeing a big star on their faces.Qi is my deskmate, with big eyes, pointed chin and short pointed hair, her whole body is full of summer romance.She patted me on the shoulder and said Jing, you'd better call a traffic policeman to come and you can't be held responsible for a traffic accident.

Qi said it in a serious manner rather than joking. I enjoyed this vanity anxiously, and didn't allow myself any feeling of ecstasy, as if it was a blasphemy against my good nature. I grew up in a factory, and the factory has everything in the suburbs.Banks, post offices, markets, cinemas, entertainment centers, department stores, and department stores are simply a bustling lonely city.But after a few days with Qi, she said that I was a girl who had never seen the world.I heard from my parents that our hometown used to be by the sea, and we could see the blue water when we went out. Later, we moved to Sichuan with the factory to support the construction in the inland.It's a pity that Qi heard that, if you grew up by the sea, you don't know how elegant you are.She bluntly said that Jing You still lack an elegant temperament, which is very important to girls, especially beautiful girls.

No matter what purpose Qi said this, in short, because someone talked to me so frankly, I felt a lake of warm comfort in my heart, and I regarded Qi as a friend from then on. Qi is one year older than me, but she is much more sensible than me. She always likes to call herself a sister when talking and laughing.Qi is not pretty, but she has a lot of temperament, especially when she wears the wide-brimmed straw hat in summer, I can't suppress my heartbeat. I often think that time and space can divide life into one section after another, and each section has different people to accompany you.The reason why I am willing to leave the most youthful part to Qi is because I feel that she does not associate me with "Brigitte Lin" at all.For at least these three years, I will definitely be able to live with her, crying and laughing side by side.

However, this is not the case. All because of Ling. I was sixteen when Ling broke into my life.At the age of sixteen, the blooming season is brilliant and eye-catching.From the first time I blushed and panicked and told Qi what to do if a boy asked me to watch a movie.At that time, I was used to living naturally under the admiring or envious eyes of the world, and I no longer felt novelty or panic about the letters filled with all kinds of warm words.It's just that I still can't get used to wearing slightly trendy clothes for some reason, and my clothes are ridiculously poor. Mom is forty years old, but she looks young and beautiful.She couldn't bear this point of me the most, and told me once every three days that a girl should have a girly look in her clothes.Qi is different. She once humorously said to me: "A crow's wings can never hide the sun's rays. Jing, you are a good girl who does not seek fame and wealth or vanity."

If, if I hadn't met Ling, I think maybe my life would just go my own way.I didn't count my dreams in those days, but I knew they were few.Because for me, what I want is always too easy to get, so I don't know what is pursuit and what is cherishing, so I have no chance to understand that what is at your fingertips is also the easiest to lose. It was a spring afternoon. In the spring of that year, the feeling of spring was particularly strong, and the spring breeze and spring rain were as thick as a dream that could not be melted away.Since Qi went home for dinner at noon, the time at noon was relatively lonely for me.Looking through the window of the classroom, the blue and high sky was fragmented by the trees on the campus, and Ling just walked into my sight like that.

When he walked into the classroom and stood in front of Qi's seat, I understood that he was looking for me, so I stared at him blankly. He suddenly smiled, but this smile made me feel a little embarrassed, and I turned my head away. "I'm Qi's friend," he sat down in Qi's seat, "may I help you?" "What's the matter?" I wondered. "I wanted Qi to talk about it, but after thinking about it, it's better to do it myself." He said bluntly, "My name is Ling, a sophomore in high school, and I want to draw a picture with a girl as the theme, please be a model ?”

"Are you going to the Academy of Fine Arts?" I asked him. "yes." I immediately liked him.When I was a child, I liked painting very much, and I also painted and painted villains for a long time. At that time, what I envied most was the girl who wore a long jacket, tightly tied jeans and carried a picture clip on her back, and walked through the street gracefully. .It's just that with the growth of age and studies, this dream has gradually faded away and blurred out of reach.This boy named Ling hurt me a mysterious and distant memory of my childhood. For a moment, I didn't know whether to agree to him or reject him.

"It's offensive, isn't it?" he continued, smiling slightly, "and you know it's a dry thing for you, a waste of time and no pay." "Then you still come to me and tell me these things." "If you are 1/10000 sure, why not give it a try? Can you think about it? I stay in the studio on the ground floor of the teaching building every day at noon and after school in the afternoon." After finishing speaking, he stood up, and just about to leave, he bent down and said sincerely: "I'm afraid that you will disappoint me, really." When Ling walked away, I took a very careful look at his back. He was not tall, but thin and strong, like a painter. As soon as Qi came that day, I told her about it.Qi told me that Ling was her neighbor when she was a child. "He is the most versatile student in the school," Qi said. "Music, art and literature are omnipotent, but art is what I love the most." "He is your friend, I can't refuse." "Little girl," Qi patted me on the shoulder, "Don't be locked in your beautiful ivory tower all day long, it will be good for you to meet more friends." The campus at noon was as quiet as ever. I pushed open the door of the studio. The door was very old and creaked for a while. The scene at this moment coincided strangely with my repeated dreams. I didn’t realize that it was Fate in the dark. It took Ling more than half a month to complete the painting, which he called "A Season of Dreams". Really, there is no season with more dreams than Girls' Generation. I sat in the studio and touched it tenderly with my eyes over and over again, deeply impressed by Ling's talent. The picture shows a girl sitting on the ground with her knees hugged, her head half down, her long hair and eyelashes hanging down thinly, the expression on her face is very soft, as if she owns everything in the world, behind her is a tree, The trunk is thick but looks very light, standing empty and soulless. "Look at how beautiful you are!" Ling appeared behind me at some point, handed me an ice cream, and said, "Just this little reward, little girl, let's celebrate it!" "Little girl?" I was dissatisfied. "What's the matter, doesn't Qi always call you that? I can't do it?" "You and Qi grew up together?" "Yes, we are familiar with each other's childhood." Ling hung the painting on the wall, "She was so sensible when she was a child, which surprised me." "Ling," I couldn't help asking him a question that I've been holding back for a long time, "is beauty enough for a person to have everything?" "Of course," he answered me with a smile, "everyone has the desire for beauty." "Really?" I looked at him. "How could it be?" He immediately said sternly, "One must have talent, and a person without talent will not be able to gain a foothold anywhere." "But I don't have any talent." I said sadly. "Don't forget that you have youth, and with youth there are countless opportunities." Ling looked at me encouragingly, his eyes were like a warm sea, I fell into it without realizing it. Falling in love with Ling is such a simple thing. Like the beginning of an essay, without any embellishment or warning.I just fell in love with his words and deeds for no reason. At first, I didn't even know that it was called love. When I don't go to the studio, I feel that life suddenly becomes empty and dull.Day and night, I miss Ling and long to see him.But the reservedness of a young girl does not allow me to take any initiative.The only chance is to see him during the exercises between classes every day, as long as the time and speed of the classroom are carefully calculated.Many times we didn't talk, even if we just smiled lightly as a greeting, my heart would be filled with a surge of happiness that spread throughout my body. Who said pretty girls don't understand love, who said? weekend. I invited Qi to take the factory car with me to my house to play.After watching a belly-laughing comedy with my parents that night, we hid in my little room. Qi turned on my small tape recorder, and soft music immediately filled every corner of the room like drizzle.Under the light of the music, Qi's eyes looked dark and bright. "Let's dance." Qi said eagerly, pulling me up from the bed involuntarily, "Come on, let me teach you how to dance the three-step-four-step waltz." Qi's enthusiasm infected me, and I happily spun along with her.Although the space in the hut is limited, our dance steps are still slowly and gracefully. I can feel the breath of youth surging around me like a gentle breeze. How wise Ling is, he knows that with youth there are countless opportunities, he How wise. Unfinished, I dragged out the clothes my mother bought for me that I seldom wear, and showed Qi one by one. "How is it, does it look good?" I was worried. Qi said nothing, but smiled. "What's better to wear?" I asked again. "The bridal gown is the best!" Qi suddenly threw a white gauze dress on my head, "This is hair sand." "Oops!" I flicked it off my head hastily, "Never, ever." "There will be." Qi said solemnly, "Jing, you don't know how beautiful you are, you really should dress more beautifully." "Is it true that if there is beauty, then there is everything?" "Not really, but beauty is your forte, and your beautiful youth is so enviable." She sighed. Oh no, Qi.You don't know Ling, you don't know Ling in my heart, I am waiting for the flowering season in my heart like countless ordinary girls, I don't have the magic wand in fairy tales, what can I order, oh, I don't have it. I am intoxicated by this star-like love, I don't even have any extravagance, I don't think I will let anyone know, thousands of years, the vicissitudes of life, this secret will always nourish my heart like spring , no one will know, no one will. However, when Qi hung the white dress back in the closet for me, she asked in a rather casual tone: "Jing, do you like Ling?" "You like Ling, don't you?" "You like Ling, don't you?" ... I was startled, then depressed. The friendship between me and Qi, who had no grievances, came to an end. I don't know whose fault it is.But I resent that she has no room to see everything about me, and I even suspect that she once took pleasure in seeing the great sorrow and joy in my heart because of Ling.It was as if there was a thin and transparent paper between me and Qi, it didn't matter if Qi saw me clearly through it, but she pierced it. For this reason, I can't let go of it for a long time. Qi knew my thoughts well. Once she said with an embarrassed look: "Jing, I know there are some things that you should have alone. I didn't deliberately want to break into your world." "Qi, what are you talking about?" I said naively, "We are good friends, aren't we?" The Provincial Education Commission will come to the school to check.We stopped class for half a day to do cleaning, and we wanted to borrow the fire brigade's high-pressure faucet to wash the whole school several times. It happened to be Qi's turn to organize a blackboard newspaper for the class. The teacher said that our class is an excellent class collective in the school. Maybe people from the education committee will come to our classroom to take a look, so the blackboard newspaper must be good and innovative. Qi naturally went to ask Ling for help. "Hi, little girl!" Ling greeted me familiarly as soon as she entered the classroom, "Long time no see, waiting for the factory car?" "Yes." I answered him, "It's too much to squeeze into the bus. This one hour or so is just enough for me to finish my homework for the day." "I can't help but see how hard you work and your grades are not bad." Qi answered with a smile, and then stuffed the colored chalk, ruler, and set square into Ling's hand. "Get to work," she said, "quick!" I put my mind wholeheartedly into Tagore's book. Not long after the board newspaper came out, there were rumors that Qi was in love and was still a childhood sweetheart. Qi told me that these people are really boring, just talk about whoever said it, whoever said it has a bad tongue. I do not believe. Ling is the one who wants to make a big splash in this world, so he won't foolishly ruin his bright future in an immature love. But I have seen Qi and his background, and the afterglow of the setting sun is an extremely ignorant but extremely longing mood for me. I don't know what Ling would think if he knew how I felt about him, but he just thought of me as a "little girl" who didn't grow up, a "girl in the tower" who didn't understand anything.How can this be?I think I should try to understand and learn many, many things.I want Ling to see the many scorching lights hidden under my beautiful appearance. In this way, I came to the corner of my life. Yang came just in time. Yang is a technical school student. After graduation, he worked as an accountant in a small unit near our school. After working for more than a year, he still looks like an ordinary student, nothing special.But he came just in time. At that time, I really wanted to know what love was like. I hoped that someone would lift the veil for me, but it was definitely not Ling.Love can teach me a lot, I thought stubbornly. At first Yang wrote to me, and the thick envelopes were all sent by the tall girl in the next class, without any obstruction.Later, I went to the radio station to order a song for me, "The Waiting Boy" by Jimmy Lin.Or guard at the school gate and watch me come in and out without saying a word.Qi said that this person had bad intentions, and she volunteered to stay with me after school every day, and she went home after sending me to the factory car. As always, Yang sent a bouquet of flowers ingeniously once, and a bright red rose suddenly appeared on my desk after the class exercise. The slanted "Y" letter made me feel surprised and uneasy several times.I used to read in novels and saw the scene of sending flowers on TV, and there was always a kind of gentle touch in my heart. The young years are beautiful like flowers, and Yang fulfilled a subconscious dream for me. I think I should give him something in return. So I wrote back a letter to him, telling him that I would go wholeheartedly to meet the final exam, and I would wait for the exam to talk about anything, and thank him for the flowers. Yang Guo really disappeared. I saw him again on the last day of my freshman year of high school. I was wearing a blue skirt and holding a fairly satisfactory report card in my hand. It was a sunny summer day. "Hi, Yang!" I greeted him proactively. He was taken aback for a moment, and then laughed. Yang's smile was like that of a thirteen or fourteen-year-old boy, so innocent and so clear. I suddenly felt like I had done something wrong. I wanted to turn around and run away, but it was too late. It's too late, I know.I was eager to get out of my ivory tower, and an impure voice deep in my heart repeatedly reminded Yang that he could help me.All this youthful sloppiness prevented me for a long time from thinking about what I had done. During the holiday, Li Qi came to see me first. Her hair was longer and brushed gently over her shoulders, and the summer sun had painted her face that healthy red.To be honest, Qi's magnanimity often makes me feel extremely guilty. It took me a lot of effort to hide this feeling from myself, let alone Qi. "What are you going to do on vacation?" Qi asked me. "Not yet." "I have taken over two tutors, both of whom are primary school graduates in English. I think I can do well." "Where's Ling?" I couldn't help asking softly. "He is raising money everywhere to go to Xishuangbanna to sketch. Going alone is bold and romantic enough." I'm not surprised at all, that's exactly what Ling did.I remember seeing a photo of Ling in the window of the school exhibition: wearing a torn straw hat, dirty clothes, stepping on the mud with bare feet, looking like a countryman.Every detail in Ling's life always moves me infinitely. Qi came to Yang for the second time. In fact, Yang doesn’t come here very often, because I have a job, so I am happy to watch a movie or go skating with him occasionally when I am bored during the holidays. The most important thing is that Yang is the kind who can meet you face to face People who sit and talk. Am I taking advantage of his feelings?I don't give myself time to think about it, and I don't allow myself to feel guilty. Qi didn't show the slightest surprise when she saw Yang, but greeted him naturally and enthusiastically, but Yang seemed extremely embarrassed, drinking tea from time to time to cover up his embarrassment. "Ling left today," Qi said, "my brother and I went to the train station to see him off." I pretended not to hear, turned my head and said to Yang deliberately, "Remember to go back to the factory and ask for leave, you promised to accompany me to climb the mountain tomorrow." "Okay, okay." Yang replied generously, "I think I'd better go first, you and Qi have a good chat." After Yang left, Qi asked me, "Jing, why did this happen?" "We're just friends, and Yang treats me well." I whispered. "Yang doesn't think so," Qi said sincerely, "don't play with fire." "Yes yes." I said I knew. Yang is willing, I said to myself in my heart. But that night I was dreaming, dreaming of the yellow sand all over the ground, and Yang standing in front of me covered in blood, his eyes full of resentment and resentment. After tossing and turning, I woke up with a startled body trembling, and it was difficult to fall asleep again. Young's 20th birthday. The union at their factory is going to hold a dance for him. In addition to his colleagues in the factory, Yang also invited many of his old classmates and friends.Although Qi and I deliberately dressed up and even put on a little makeup, there was still an unstoppable student atmosphere in the middle. "Maybe we shouldn't be here," I whispered in Ki's ear, "I always feel like the atmosphere here just doesn't suit us." "Since you're here, you'll be safe." Qi said, "It's good to see the world." Yang asked me to dance the first song, we were very close, and I smelled the faint fragrance from his new suit, and I felt a little dizzy for some reason.Only then did I remember that it was the first time I danced with a boy. Thinking of this, I unconsciously straightened my back, and my unskilled dance steps became more and more flustered.Yang didn't seem to notice it, his eyes wandered, I don't know what he was thinking. The voice of the female singer was crying: ... Always hold his tenderness in your sky sky my tears never stop I can give you endless waiting instead of your melting a little indifference Oh…… love story to me like a blank waiting Oh…… love story to me like a dream without beginning ... Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of Qi's purple clothes, and she was twirling with a tall boy who had eyes very similar to Ling's. Ling, I suddenly wanted Ling violently.How is he in the distance? Can he be safe in the distance? I was the target of all the boys that night, I didn't refuse anyone's invitation, danced with them with a smile, talked with them, and listened to their intentional or unintentional compliments. The lights flew away in the blink of an eye, and I deliberately wanted to indulge my youth that night. The feast is over.Yang sent me home. There are only a few people scattered under the bus stop sign.I touched my face, it was a little hot, the excitement of having just finished playing the leading role has not subsided, and I even regret that it is time for the curtain to end so soon. Yang suddenly put his arms around my shoulders, and said incoherently: "Jing, you don't know how good you are, I never, never thought that I would be so lucky." An indescribable uneasiness and panic flooded my heart like sea water, I straightened my back, and said in a tone as calm as possible: "Yang, Yang, please don't do this." Yang put down his hand as if being scalded, and his face flushed instantly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I said to Yang in my heart, looking at him, I believe he can read the deep regret and guilt from my eyes. Yang Xiang smiled forgivingly but with an unusual bitterness. The cool night wind blows gently, I want to cry but have no tears, maybe all these faults are because we are too young?Maybe all these mistakes are lost because I hurried out of the ivory tower? On a quiet summer night, I was so hot that I couldn't fall asleep, I leaned on the bed and read Chen Danyan's novel. Chen Danyan was introduced to me by Qi. Qi said that she only wrote novels about girls, so I borrowed them without hesitation, hoping that a girl like me would appear in her book, and there would be a wonderful book that had already been set. The ending, when I will no longer be confused, how good everything is. Mom came in, turned off the whining ceiling fan for me, brought a mini fan and put it on the head of my bed, and then sat down next to me. "Can't sleep? What book are you reading?" "I borrowed it from Qi." I said, "Mom, go to sleep and have to work tomorrow." "I've grown up so much," my mother suddenly touched my long black hair lovingly, and said with a little emotion, "Xiaojing, Mom and Dad are too busy with work, and they don't seem to have time to chat with you at ordinary times. Will you blame us?" "How come, I can take care of myself." "Girls are too pretty to be troublesome," said Mama evasively. "Know yourself, huh?" "Yes Mom," I said, thinking he might be referring to Yang, and adding, "Yang and I are good friends." "I believe." Mom said, and I was amazed at her beauty again in the hazy night.When I was young, everyone envied me for having a fairy-like mother. When I grew up, everyone said that I was her reprint. When I saw her, I seemed to see myself twenty or thirty years later. Was I the same as her at that time? I work hard every day to support an ordinary family, and to continue my dream in another beautiful little girl. Youth is gradually missed, generation after generation, is it like this?Just like this for a long time? So there will often be a moment, no matter standing or sitting, no matter what I am doing, I will think of myself very clearly, remembering that I am still an extremely ordinary member of all living beings, but time does not wait for others, and I feel anxious pain. Beautiful, what's the use of being beautiful? Chen Danyan didn't give me an answer. Chen Danyan's previous salt solution was a long-term solution. Ah, it turns out that novels cannot guide life. new semester. There were people wandering around the door of our classroom again, and Qi told me that they were freshmen who had just entered the school, and they came to see me admiringly. I don't feel anything. Ling Cai was the most sensational figure in the school. The photography and painting exhibition of his trip to Xishuangbanna was held in the school for several days, and everyone knew him. But I didn't go to see him, I didn't want to see him, I would rather guess his brilliance from a distance, I knew that my superficiality and Ling's excellence meant that I would never be able to enter his life, even if it was just a friend. Just treat it as a missed chapter in my life novel, and just delete it gently. My works, whether wonderful or dull, have to be completed by myself. But what about Yang?What about Yang? During recess, Yang brought me delicious bread; for an unimportant reference book, Yang traveled all over the city for me; he even bought a blue motorcycle to learn to drive, and planned to Take me to and from school every day... But the only thing I can do is to avoid him in every possible way and find a reason not to meet him. For this reason, I even go out with some other boys ideally.Yang will see all this, and he will quietly disappear.I pray, I dare not talk to him, I'm sorry Yang. Until that day Qi said: "Go and see Yang, Jing, you have to pay for what you have done." cost?There is obvious dissatisfaction in Qi's tone, even Qi looks at me like this, what should I do? Passing by the playground after school, I walked towards the studio involuntarily. The creaking door made me seem to have fallen into a time tunnel, and I could not return to reality for a long time. "Jing, why is it you?" Ling said in surprise, "I think you should have come to cheer me up a few days ago." When I looked at Ling, he became dark and thin, but still had a face full of vitality.There is a kind of people in this world, work can make them energetic and happy in everything, Ling is the same as my parents, they are all this kind of people. Looking around, I found that "A Season of Dreams" was still hanging there. I walked over to touch it, and felt extremely unreal. "Come and see for yourself?" Ling asked with a smile. "It's not me anymore." I whispered. "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes," Ling said gently, "It doesn't matter." Ah, so he knows everything. "There is a girl," I said quietly looking at the painting, "Among the praises and crowds of the crowd, she thought she was beautiful and had everything in the world, but the dream in the tower could not be released. When she came out to accept the outside world When the wind and rain washed away, I realized that I had almost nothing to do, and I was hurt and helpless if I didn’t care about it.” "You have to believe that there are beautiful mistakes to form a complete life." Ling said to me seriously, "We are still young, aren't we?" "Ling, what is love?" I asked. Ling didn't answer, but looked at me with tolerance and understanding. I burst into tears. I don't know when Qi came in.Both she and Ling didn't persuade me, let me completely dissolve all the melancholy, confusion, sadness and guilt of more than a year in tears. After a long time, Qi wiped away my tears and whispered in my ear: "How do you understand love? We are still so young, aren't we?" "In life, each stage has its own splendor." Ling said loudly to Qi and me, "We can't be too hasty, we have to grab something for ourselves when we are young." I stop sobbing, when will I really step out of the misunderstanding and give myself a peaceful and clear state of mind?I have no idea.However, it was time to face Yang. "Go," Qi said, "Yang is waiting for you." When I walked out of the studio, I realized that the leader’s sunshine was so bright, and the gray and white pigeons were flying freely in the clear sky. Is this the world outside the tower?So peaceful, so peaceful, so gentle and beautiful. Looking up, there is a black figure standing at the school gate, and a blue motorcycle. That's Yang, I know. Startled for a moment, I hurried forward to meet him.