Chapter 3 The most meaningful life - Thirteen months before the college entrance examination

The most meaningful life - Thirteen months before the college entrance examination The major event on May 27th: I have lived to this day, and I found that I have to start learning to be a human being. Before that, in fact, B had told me a hundred and eight thousand times a long time ago.She said: "Xie Yi, you really want to learn how to be a human being." The tone of her words made me feel like she was my mother.A once said that he was like my father.In this way, A is my father, B is my mother, and the three of us form a happy family—every time I reveal this beautiful idea to A, he will respond quickly and loudly: "Oh—yo!" After a while, the same voice came again: "Oh—

— Yo!" I said, "What?" He said, "What? Nothing. His face blushed quickly. I said, "You are blushing!" He put his hands in his trouser pockets calmly and said, "My blushing is premeditated and planned. It's not surprising." " Closer to home, every time B wants to tell me to "be a human being", I always say: "I have been doing it for more than ten years, eat and sleep, what's so strange?" B patiently and seriously taught me: "Don't do it!" I won't do it . B added: "What I mean by being a human being is very practical. It means how to survive in the world and in this society, how to stand firm, how to stand firmly, and how to stand comfortably." Stand still and be comfortable.I had no choice but to keep silent.

On May 27th, I was working on books.I took each book off the shelf, flipped through it, flipped through it, and put it back when I was done.Later, I took out an English-Chinese dictionary, which was given to me by B, so I thought of B, and then I thought that B wanted me to learn how to be a human being.I thought: Why does B ask me like this? B's name is Liu Shumei, which is the same name as the Chinese brand of "Sweet Memory" American greeting cards, so we call her "Shumei" and "Shumei".She is a person who does things well, is a good person, and knows how to behave. Teachers, classmates and parents all regard her as a treasure and support her very much.I stood in front of the bookshelf, flipping through the dictionary that B gave me, thinking that B is really good, and I am not as good as her in anything, which shows that I am about to start being a human being.

I personally think that the decision I made on May 27th is very great and historic for me.Such a great decision, it would be a pity if there is no second person to share it.I just silently read in front of the bookshelf: Xiangmei City, call.Xiangmeicheng, call.In this way, A really called. I couldn't wait to tell A about this decision. A asked me: "Why do you listen to Liu Shumei so much?" He was always very rude to B, calling B by his first and last names.I said, "I didn't say that Shu Mei called me. I just realized it myself." He breathed out through his nose on the other end of the phone, and I could hear him clearly.I also heard the sound of cars coming and going on the road, and there seemed to be someone bargaining: "Twenty yuan, can you sell it?" I said, "Are you on the road? Which road?" He said, "No Control. You don’t even know each other. I’ll tell you my opinion now. Don’t be with Liu Shumei all the time.” “Why? What’s wrong with her?” “She’s fine. But you just don’t fit to be with her Together." I laughed and said, "Then am I suitable to be with you?" The man over there was still bargaining and shouted forcefully, "Twenty yuan, just twenty yuan." The seller didn't respond. A replied, "You'd rather be with me than with her—don't blow your nose. I can hear you here." I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't, so I said, "I Laugh to death." "Don't listen to her even if you laugh to death. Listening to it is useless, do you understand?" he said.I got angry and said: "Fart!" He sighed loudly: "Oh, you don't want to be a fart..." Before I could finish speaking, the phone rang with a "beep", and it was cut off after a few beeps. .

I was still very angry, threw the phone receiver away, fell on the sofa and looked at the ceiling.The ceiling is snow white.I know it's painted flat, but it always looks a little bumpy.I searched for the uneven places in my imagination, and the more I looked at them, the angrier I became, and the more angry I became, the more itchy I felt, and I wished I could jump up, fly up, use any method to fill them all up.But no matter how stupid I am, I still know that if one place is filled up, another place must be uneven. In this way, I can only keep filling up for a moment, until I am exhausted to death. The truth is so simple that even an idiot can figure it out with his toes, it's a shame to call it a truth.I am a person who only understands this kind of truth. I am indeed only suitable for teaching, reprimanding, cultivating, repairing, criticizing, reforming, etc., etc., for people like A or B.

They are all rational people, and every hair on them is a rudder of reason, guiding them to move forward bravely.I don't even have the rationality to fart. (A wants to tell me not to be ass-I don't even have this rationality.) B tells me to learn to be a human being, and A tells me not to be with B-they are both full of wisdom and correct.What about me? I know that there are many topics to understand, many concepts to memorize, many notes to sort out, and many principles to comprehend and thoroughly understand until I learn to be a person or learn not to listen to what B says. , and I'm just out of state.I'd rather stare at the ceiling like this, doing nothing like a protozoa.I was hysterically out of shape.So they all think more clearly than me, move faster than me, live more fully than me-in short, they are better than me.

Like B, she is a typical representative who is better than me.My parents admired her so much that they always asked her to "educate" me, as if they sold me to her.They think that B is smarter, more capable, harder than me, smarter than me, and better at being a man than me—even the clothes he wears are better than me.I think my relationship with B is probably caused by my parents.Probably they think that even if I am useless, having such an excellent friend is still a merit worthy of praise.I found that children really shouldn't try to figure out their parents' minds, because if they do, they will think that they have ulterior motives. Then how can they be raised, cared for, sent from time to time, and educated? Indeed, indeed.

B is a person who has a clear opinion on everything.For example, once, she said: High school students’ love is the most pure. When you go to college, you have to consider your future, career, financial affordability, etc., which is not so good. But falling in love in high school is because people are not mature enough. It is very difficult to succeed, so she would rather leave it for later.She said it like she'd been to high school eighty times and college a hundred and sixty times.I listened and asked her, then, when is love pure and mature? No? She looked at me strangely and said, only you can ask this kind of question.Originally, I wanted to ask, is it possible to talk about love if you want to talk about it, and not talk about it if you don’t want to talk about it? Seeing that she didn’t bother to answer at all, I was embarrassed to ask.I didn't ask, she treated me to an ice cream.

As for A, he never treats me to ice cream.He always took me to eat things like dried stinky tofu, oil dumplings, and lamb skewers at the stalls.After eating, he will tell me responsibly that this oil has been used for ninety-nine or eighty-one days, that there may be bacteria in this mutton, and that the hawthorn of this candied haws is washed with footwashing water... and then ask me, is it delicious? I said, um, pretty good.He smugly smacked his head in circles and said, "So, the most delicious food in the world is always dirty. Do you understand?" I said, "Hmph, poisoning children." That's what I said, because I'm dying of joy eating what my parents forbid.With A, always happy - how can you not be happy when you do bad things?

A and B, two different people, are very smart. A likes to say: So what do you want? And B likes to say: Here, what should you do. A always regards being with me as something impossible to do, while B taught me a lot of truths by precept and deed for my own good, but unfortunately I forgot all of them.Strangely enough, both of them were fighting for me, and both seemed compelled to drag me across.After talking on the phone with A on May 27, I felt this strongly—I immediately had an unprecedented pleasure of being valued. Not long after, A and I had a chance to talk. It's Saturday.Since the second year of high school, the school has called us every week to "take a little out of the weekend" and take a quiz.So we took a little out—all morning, to be exact.It's like this in every school: when it's time to work hard, it's procrastinating, and when it's not time to work hard, it's shameless to make calculations about our private time all day long.That Saturday, there was no exam as an exception.He held a grade meeting for us and said that everyone will be promoted to third grade. Have you considered choosing liberal arts and science? Have you considered what subjects to choose for "3+1"? Have you considered the severe situation of the college entrance examination next year? ?etc.Let us hurry home and discuss with our parents, decide on the "3+1" subjects, and prepare for the battle.It means that we have to divide the classes.To be clear, everyone is going their separate ways.

When I was unpacking my schoolbag and getting ready to go home, A came over and asked, "Will you take me to my elementary school?" I looked at him.His face was gray and not very healthy.I said: "Okay." Nodded.He asked, "Are you not interested?" I said, "Okay!" It's always like this: if you don't show a ecstatic gesture, people will think you are not interested. We walked out from the school gate and walked to the road—the road that made me sick of walking and walking.We have walked many roads.When we passed a wedding photography studio, we saw many brides sitting in it, and each of them had a make-up artist working on it. A said: "I will never let my bride be painted beyond recognition in this kind of place." I said: "You want to replace her?" The one who got married on foot—the one who likes to walk so much.” I laughed twice.He also said: "The front is my elementary school. I used to go to school and passed by here. It used to be a cloth store, and the cloths were all placed on the street." I said: "Oh." The shadow of the cloth shop is also invisible. A's elementary school is being renovated, and scaffolding is erected at the school gate, for no apparent reason.When I walked into the school from under the scaffolding, I was always worried that a brick would suddenly fall from above, or an iron pillar would fall down and kill me. But A walked in very freely and confidently, with a big face, as if he was not a student, but the principal of this school. "Hey! Hey!" shouted an old man running out of the gatehouse. A turned his head, looked at him very strangely, slowed down, and continued to walk inside. "What are you doing?" asked the old man. "I used to be here, let's take a look." A stopped for a while, then left after speaking.The old man shouted: "There is no one today, what are you looking at!" I shouted: "It doesn't matter! You can also watch the classroom!" A smiled.In this way, we entered A's elementary school smoothly. "I was here in the first grade. The second grade is here. The third and fourth grades are here. The fifth grade is here." A stretched his arms and pointed to the four-story teaching building.The teaching building is lake green, the glass windows are tall, big and shiny, and the whole building looks really cool, like a box of mints.I said, "You guys here are very good...you're rich, right?" He smiled and said, "That's right." "Here, I'll sit there." "Where?" "There. The third row, the fourth seat. See?" A and I put our heads together, leaning against the door glass, and looked into the classroom.I used so much force that even the eyeballs were about to fall out.I said, "Well, oh. You're very comfortable here—even the blackboard eraser seems to be new." He smiled and said, "It's not the one I used back then." After a while, he said, "I stepped on the wall There were always 150 footprints, and now they are all gone. Such things as footprints are not safe." We visited the entire campus, and A took me up a dark narrow staircase, ran to the platform of the building, and looked at the sky. A said that not many people know how to get up to this place. He used to watch the sky here when he was in elementary school, and this is his astronomical observatory.I said, what's so beautiful about the sky? A didn't make any sound, and looked up at the pale sky without blinking. After a long, long, long time, I said, "What's the sky... the sky is beautiful." I heard I watched it with him, and I watched it for a long time, for a long time, for a long time, except that I saw a bird flying past, but I found nothing—the sky is really too empty. A said again: "Don't you think that since we were born, this day has been not very big, right?" A and I either talked jokingly or very heavily.When I sat on the empty platform and looked up at the sky with A persistently, I knew that there would be a very low-pitched conversation today. A hasn't been quite right for the past few days, and nervous sensitivity has popped up on his face—he's been planning this conversation for a long time. "It's going to be divided into classes." A said.As he spoke, he moved, stretched out his hand, and caught a bird in the sky in his imagination. "Sorting into classes, classifying is a silent ending. It is a silent ending. We are definitely studying history after all. You are definitely studying physics after all. Needless to say." After listening to him, I suddenly realized that I was dying of sadness.Class division is really incomprehensible and unreasonable.I knocked my knee unconsciously: every three seconds, every three seconds, every three seconds. "It's okay to be alone all the time. It's necessary to bring a group of people together several times and three times, cultivate a kind of inexplicable thing called 'emotion', and then take it apart. Really, it is laborious and time-consuming. , why bother!" I said.I began to think that the pale sky was very beautiful. "Which course will Liu Shumei choose?" A asked suddenly. "Politics." I replied.It seems very funny: two people with clear minds go to study liberal arts, and people like me study science.I looked at A's eyes staring straight at the sky—the inside was very deep, so deep that there was almost nothing there, and there was a smile. A said: "Trust me once. You are not suitable to be with her. It is good that she chooses politics, and you will not be with her." I stared at A in horror——A ​​looks like a prophet looking up at the sky.I said, "You have a good relationship with Shumei, why are you talking so scary?" A smiled and replied, "I'll tell you later." "When?" "...it will take a long time." After careful consideration, he said cautiously. "When?" I stalked. A smiled again, looking up at the pale sky persistently, as if that was his destination.Now I really like looking at the sky like this, because it is so far away, so empty, so clean, there is nothing, not even transparent. A's voice is very close, very friendly, and empty: "Shanghai is very good, right? At least, not bad? But sometimes you feel that it is not good? Do you feel bored and want to escape? Do you want to fly up—— He held his head extremely high, as if already on the back of the clouds. "Fly up. Up. Up! Anywhere, just another world... another world - not just another place... think Don't want to see yourself leave here? Leave. Break away. Go up, up..." A is hardly an A.I looked at him, listened to him, looked up at the pale sky stubbornly, with dejected eyes, thankful, and regretful—on that... What was the major event on May 27? Forgotten thousands of years ago. A and I stood in front of a TV set on the appliance counter of the store and didn't move for twenty minutes.On the TV, Jackie Chan was jumping down from the top of a tall building. We watched with gusto, so excited that we were so nervous.The strange thing is that Jackie Chan stopped jumping in the middle of the jump, and just stopped in mid-air with an unsightly posture; after waiting for a full ten seconds, he was still hanging there - right in the middle of the sky and the earth, and the sky was not the same. , the next is not. A said: "Pause." Only then did I find the word "Pause" in green on the upper right corner of the TV screen.Turning around, the salesperson standing by the counter was staring at us without losing the opportunity. "Ah!" I couldn't help but say. "Look carefully, if we don't leave within three minutes, this TV will be turned off." A whispered predictably in my ear, stabbed me, and pulled me away from the scene. I followed A, but I still said: "Let's go? Why don't you continue watching?" "What are you looking at? Jackie Chan hanging there? If we continue watching, that person will probably knock the TV off." A predicted again.He looked at me, patted me on the shoulder, and said solemnly: "People should use their brains more when doing things, understand?" I originally wanted to argue with him, but I opened my mouth and said nothing.never mind.In the past two years, Xiangmei City has not counted the number of times it has been educated and relieved.However, I can't understand more clearly how many non-violent elements are hidden behind this serious face-a kind of wet pampering taste of a self-proclaimed elder to a self-conceived child.People need to be content. Coming out of A's elementary school, we just walked up and down the road, looking around, wandering around. A said: "Xie Yi, once I hang out with you, I feel like a bad boy." I thought for a while and said, "So many people in the world have ulterior motives. In fact, we are just walking on the road, but some people say We are bad. You have been poisoned by these people to some extent, do you understand?" A laughed.I said: "Don't laugh. You just need to remember that I said you are a good person. Others don't know you, only I know you. Right?" A laughed and nodded. Speaking of which, we are really good boys.We called home to say we were going back tonight and had to do homework at school, and our parents believed us.But now we are on the road in Shanghai, in the words of A, wandering.What exactly is a good person? Anyway, I would never admit that I am a bad person. Neither will A. I privately touched A's hand nearby, grabbed it and shook it firmly, and asked: "We are not bad people, are we?" A said: "No, I guess." I asked again: "What we do is Meaningful, right?" A didn't answer right away, after a while he also shook my hand harder - harder than I did just now. For some reason, almost everyone on the sidewalk we were walking was going in the opposite direction from us, making the two of us an obstacle of sorts.Normally, they were obviously walking in the opposite direction, but everyone glared at us as if we were going in the wrong direction.I couldn't help calling A's name, and A said: "Go, go, go." I just followed him.I have always said that A is more sober than I am, more rational than I am, so since I don’t even care about people like A, why should I care? A said that people need to use their brains more when doing things. Walking along, A said: "I want to rent a house near here - it's better to buy a house - it's better to die here. I have a special affection for this place since I was a child. The location here is really good. " I didn't ask him why the location was so good, because any idiot would say it's too good a location.The people who can live here may have so much money that they have to live in seclusion to avoid being killed, so I have never seen such a person.Then we came to an intersection, and in the middle of the intersection stood a sentry box—empty.The sentry box is very round, and the glass windows are polished extremely brightly, looking crystal clear.I poked A and said, "Here, you can sleep in this sentry box. It's very cheap. This place is also good. It's a quiet place in the middle of the noise. You can live alone." A looked at me incredulously for a long time.The red light at the intersection turns into a green light, and the green light turns into a red light again.I said, "What are you doing?" A shook his head, sighed and replied, "I have a problem with my cerebellum, or you have a problem with my brain." The red light turned green again, and we crossed the street.I turned my head to look at A and asked, "How can I see that?" A didn't speak immediately, but stretched out his hand and pulled me closer to him.A person rode a moped "Tu Tu Tu" and passed me by. After passing by, he turned around and said something, not in a good voice.I said: "What did he say?" A said: "He told you to walk with eyes." I said angrily: "It's not fair. I have always hated people who ride mopeds." A laughed: "Hehehe ! Isn’t this a symptom of a brain problem?” He pulled me across the road, like a grandfather pulling his granddaughter.After a while, we stood at the intersection, turned around and looked across the road—just now, we were still standing across the road looking at the place where we are now.For the first time in my life, I found that there are two roads crossing the same road. "Why?" I chased after him. A froze for a moment: "Why?" "Things like the cerebellum brain." "About your brain," A said with a smile, "I don't have much to say, anyway, there's already a public opinion, right?" I was eager to know about his cerebellum, and I had no time to worry about it, so I said, "For the time being, that's it. Then what's the matter with the cerebellum?" A laughed: "Hey, you don't care? Is there really something wrong with your brain?" We walk straight ahead.There are countless miscellaneous things here-cars, houses, people, telephone poles... only the horizon is missing.Because I couldn't see the horizon, I didn't want to stop—there were so many things that people couldn't do anything about it. A, beside me, slowly talked about himself. "Until now, I sometimes sway when I walk. When I was a child, I seemed to be two people, and the two people were always at odds, and there was no time to synchronize. When I was a child, I always walked with my left foot and kicked my right foot. Either the right foot kicks the left foot, in short, they kick each other. The teacher tells us to turn left, I turn right; the teacher tells us to turn right, I turn left. The teacher tells us to raise our left hand, I raise my right hand; the teacher tells us to raise My right hand, I raise my left hand. It’s a mess. It’s a mess. Do you think I’m okay now? When I was a child, I couldn’t tell. Although my facial features were well-developed and my limbs were well-developed, I just looked uncomfortable. Sometimes I think, maybe I’m really two people, I became one person by accident, I don’t know. Afterwards, I gradually got better. It’s still a bit scary when I think about it now——think about it, there are two people rolling into a ball inside me and fighting !They all say I'm a bit underdeveloped. I'm more inclined to think that I'm two people. Well, I don't know what happened to those two people now." I stared at A, frankly a little scared. A seems to have a kind attitude and a peaceful expression.When my gaze meets his gaze, I can't see two people—but that's not certain, maybe his eyes are deep, deep, so deep that there is nothing... A stared at me , After a while, I suddenly laughed out loud and said, "Hey, don't be afraid, you!" So I laughed too.Once again we went from across the street to across the street. We are still walking, keep walking, walking tirelessly, walking poorly, walking in a hurry.The world under your feet is the most real, while the world around you is the most mysterious.Which world is bigger? "My growth process," A continued, "can be said to be carried out in constant self-denial. In other words, one person denies that other person, and the other person in turn negates that person— Constantly negating and negating; I think it’s meaningless, but I can’t help it. In this way, it seems that there are three people, and I am a person other than the other two, so I didn’t think about it. Yes. Anyway, I don't know. "I think in a way my dad is very demanding of me. I do one thing and he's always saying I'm not good here and so what. It's kind of annoying right? But the problem is that I find he seems to say Quite right. You know what? My dad wasn't one of those poor-minded, drifting types. Whatever he said, I had every reason to think, Well, that's it. So I kept checking myself. The two inside me Individuals keep denying and denying, and sometimes they are evenly matched. Others don’t understand my situation, and they always say that my cerebellum is wrong. I think, what do you know, you guys! If there are two people who are confronting each other, you will understand Even so, my father's request still frustrated my self-confidence to a certain extent, resulting in the current situation." I asked, "What's the situation now?" He took a deep breath, took a lot of air, and his chest visibly expanded.After that, he exhaled again.It's incredible that the whole world is his breath.He replied, "Shy." I laughed: "What? Don't say anything too outrageous." "Shyness doesn't mean that you blush when you see strangers or when you talk. When I say shyness, it means an instinctive resistance to the outside world. Do you understand?" I stopped laughing.The walk became part of my conversation with A—not that the conversation became part of the walk, but the walk became part of the conversation.If I wasn't walking, I'd probably get scared and run away, or I might laugh out loud.Walking made me and A trust each other, and our conversation became extremely heavy, as heavy as the largest and darkest cumulonimbus cloud in the sky, which made people feel uncomfortable and chest tight. I asked A: "What does your father do?" I didn't expect that upon hearing this question, A immediately showed a strong disgust and resistance, with a displeased expression on his face, and said: "What is my father doing?" I immediately changed my words and said: "My It means what kind of work does your dad do." He looked at me, his face calmed down, his eyes paused for a while, then he returned to his usual kindness, and said with a smile: "My dad. He—— He likes to manage people very much." After speaking, he paused, the last word was still suspended in the air for a while, and just about to disappear, he said again: "My dad likes to manage people very much." Then, A's eyes looking ahead suddenly became excited, and he exclaimed: "Oh, look over there-over there-um, um..." His arms stretched out to the old elders, but he couldn't say anything Words come.I laughed and looked into the distance—it turned out that the sun was setting down, and the pale sky was quietly burning.I said, "Well, it's pretty." A gave me a strange look, as if to say: "It's pretty?" I said confidently, "It's always pretty." A withdrew his arms, looked at the burning sky fixedly, and said: "When I was young, I liked playing with fire—I liked playing with fire, and I knew how to play with fire." Don't understand? It's quite normal.Burn something.There is nothing more fun than burning things.Once, my dad brought a flat box wrapped in white paper.I wanted to open it to see what was inside, so I set it on fire.I think that if you burn the box, the contents will come out—I don’t necessarily understand it, but I really want to burn it; now that I think about it, if I believe it, it seems to be all right.So a box of chocolates was burned by me. He paused, and then said: "Think about it, when the sun burns the sky, what will be revealed?" Having said that, he looked at me, there was no inquiry in his eyes, only all expressions other than inquiry. "For many, many years, I have eagerly awaited the answer to this mystery: When the sun burns the sky away... When the sun burns the sky away, it is the sky that remains. It is no accident, it is the sun. Day after day, year after year, when the sun burns the sky away, what emerges is the sky, the sky, the sky, the sky, the sky, the sky forever. So I think, we It has been said that the universe is great and mysterious, but in fact the universe is great and not mysterious. There is no mystery about the great things. In short, the sky is still the sky, and the sky is still the sky behind the sky. We believe in common sense and so on. The thing is only effective within a distance of 10,000 meters from the ground. Beyond 10,000 meters, what are we, what do you think?——It’s really annoying. Why am I telling you these things, really.” A dejectedly ended his talk about the sky.He continued to argue, but the sun was still burning the sky.I can't figure out whether he is more inclined to burn or not to burn.I heard something in what he said, and it seemed to make sense, but the more I listened, the more I felt that the end of the world was coming.Is the end of the world really coming? I said: "Hey, let me tell you, I like walking very much." A said: "Who doesn't know? Do you want to print a lot of advertisements and distribute them?" I said: "Do you know why I like walking?" Why?" "Because I like the roads in Shanghai." A said: "Of course. It doesn't matter what you are. You just need to have a place for you to hang out." I asked A: "Are you unhappy today?" A said: "What's wrong with me? I don't want to be too happy. Look, I'm still laughing." I stopped talking.The sun is still burning the sky.I know A is not happy.I'm not happy either.Anyone who stands and looks anywhere will see no reason to be happy.unhappy.boring. I looked under the burning sky, and the bus came and went, raged.The people in the car were naturally insensitive and didn't know that the car was on fire.In fact the whole earth is on fire.Extinguish the big fire.We watch too many movies.Future water world, Mars crashing into the earth, monster Godzilla—the more dangerous in the movie, the safer we are.In fact, the earth is really on fire every day, crashes, split shifts, gas leaks - who is safe? Who? I found A's hand and shook it secretly.