Chapter 30 Chapter 9 Wang Haiyan's Heart (1)

Chapter 9 Wang Haiyan's Heart (1) The weather is really nice these days.I sat in front of the desk by the window and read a book.The tape recorder was on, and Zhao Yonghua sang the song of generosity and tolerance of a lovelorn woman in it: "Stop talking. Let me take a good look at you. That's it, the past will be forgotten. I love you, love you—even if you feel familiar , I will be very careful and stop being obsessed with love..." I stared at the book in front of me, absent-mindedly listening to Zhao Yonghua sing her slightly reprocessed sadness, and couldn't do anything else. "... Let's take a look at the scenery, stop arguing. Drink some Coffee and Tea, and stop playing games..."

I still can't escape the habit of thinking about Qin Yu - it has become a kind of disease.In the past, I always said: hold on, hold on, hold on—so I really held on very tightly; but now, I beg myself: let go, let go, let go—I finally realized: the terrible thing is not letting go, the terrible thing is , when I say let go, I hold on tighter. How many things have I forgotten, how many things have I given up—just to hold on? The scary thing is not how much you forget and how much you give up in order to hold on tight; the scary thing is: you forget so much and give up so much, and in the palm of your hand, there is much more leaked out than what you have forgotten and what you have given up.A person with empty hands must have once thought he was a rich man.

"...I have already forgiven you, and I have forgiven myself, no matter whether I have loved or missed, it is a memory..." In the singing of Zhao Yonghua, I looked up at the burning sun outside, and felt that I would never have the courage to go out again, because In that world outside.have him. "...The way we have come, the rain has passed and the sky is clear. There have been many things that have slowly settled in the bottom of my heart. I have already..." For me, the biggest dilemma is: I can no longer keep him, but I am not willing to give up on him.Every morning when I open my eyes, I say to myself: Well, today, I will start again... I have been preparing for a long time, but I am not sure whether I am going to keep him or give him up.

Hold on and let go, both are painful.I think of the movie where I indifferently say "Who are you?" to the person who hurt my heart. The heroines are very free and easy, very sharp-I always like to watch such scenes of abandonment; but now, it's my turn Myself, I suddenly discovered: I can’t say this casually, because I know who he is, and because I have never despaired of him at all times—if I say cheating, I am only cheating myself.It turns out that it hurts to take a step forward or take a step back, and it hurts not to walk—so what should I do? It is the greatest disaster in the world that what a person believes in suddenly turns into a torrent of water and never returns.I have known Qin Yu for two years. In the past two years, I have never considered what should I do and what should the world do if he leaves me one day.I always thought I was capable of keeping these.Now I understand: I was wrong, I was naive, and I was too stupid.

I do not regret.I am no longer afraid.I do not despair, nor do I have new hope.I sat in front of the desk, from morning to night, from night to morning, daring not to make any decisions.I wasn't sure about anything - I didn't know what I was feeling, and I couldn't do anything about it.I seemed to be waiting for something, but nothing seemed to come.I didn't dare to go out - people everywhere said to me: Wang Haiyan, you are awesome!Where am I great?I didn't grab what I most wanted to grab. I couldn't just forget everything and be a brand new person like my sister.In the imaginary happiness, I am willing to be deceived.All this is my fault.Qin Yu has nothing to do with me anymore.No.

But I still want to keep him! How could I be such a ridiculous person? "...I have already forgiven you and myself, no matter what love or miss is a memory. On the way we walked, the rain has passed and the sky has cleared. There have been many things that have slowly settled in the bottom of my heart. I have forgiven Forgive you, and forgive myself, find a romantic heart to see love...don't talk..." I sat all day long, immersed in Zhao Yonghua's singing.The book in front of me keeps turning the same page. Gigi lent me this book.I just discovered a few days ago: On the page in front of me, there are two words written upside down in the blank space at the top:

Qin Yu. ——Qin Yu's handwriting.