Chapter 10 Chapter 4 Mother of a Family of Three

Chapter 4 Mother of a Family of Three I was scared to death.When I was having dinner today, I was really scared by their father and son and didn't know what to do.Qin Lei has always had the best temper. Everyone in the hospital praised him, saying that he doesn't blush with anyone—I also know that he has a good temper.But today, I have never seen him get so angry.The pair of chopsticks he dropped hit the floor, and when I washed them, they broke with a light touch. Qin Yu, I don't know where he got angry.Dad said one or two harsh words to him, but he was so fierce.In any case, it is always wrong not to mention such a big matter as being punished.He glared at Qin Lei, no one could stand it, let alone his father!

This nameless disturbance can be said to come and go quickly.Intense is unusually intense, but at best it is no more than an argument or two.But there was a shadow cast over the house, and I could feel it.I sent Qin Yu to his room first, and told him to close the door and reflect on himself—in fact, I mainly wanted Qin Lei to calm down.After closing the door and turning around, I saw him sitting in front of the dining table, with his left hand resting on the table, resting on the rice bowl, his right hand clenched into a fist and pressing his knees——I really wanted to stand behind him and say something to him .but I do not have.After thinking about it, I went to the kitchen to get a rag and clean the table.The table was in a mess—the prawns I ate today were cooked by Qin Lei, and he would always do his part in any dishes related to prawns. In the kitchen, I would call him "Old Shrimp" whenever I was happy, and he would listen to it Very happy——When I was clearing the table, I tried my best to lower my eyes and stare at the shrimp heads and shells on the table, instead of looking at him sitting in front of the table.Besides, I was also terrified.For the first time ever, I closed the kitchen door to do the dishes.I thought, it's better not to let him hear any noise, lest he get angry again, and I can't help it.Listening quietly to the small sound of running water, I was still afraid in my heart, thinking about the scenes just now, I felt chills all over my body.I really don’t know how I could behave so calmly—I suddenly had a strange feeling: Qin Lei is my husband, Qin Yu is my seventeen-year-old son, both of them are men, taller and stronger than me , but rely on my arm to pull them apart and resolve their disputes—do I have the ability?I couldn't help but pulled out my hand and put it under the light for a closer look.I dare not admit it - too small, too small.

How ridiculous!It seems that for the first time I use the word "man" to define my husband and son.Over the years, I have always regarded Qin Lei as my husband and Qin Yu as my son. I almost forgot that they are men first, and their disputes are men's disputes.I can understand Qin Lei, I understand how difficult it is for him to do this step, I even wonder why he didn't have an attack a few days ago; I know that his dignity as a father has been hurt, seeing his son not paying attention to him , he was angry, really angry.But I don't quite understand Qin Yu, and I don't understand why he is so angry, so wronged, so lonely and paranoid-in this matter, what point is he doing right?As a mother, I can't give him half of understanding except for a little care and sympathy.I tried, and I asked him why he didn't tell us about it; instead of looking me in the eye, he lowered his head—he felt my concern and sympathy, but refused to understand.He bowed his head and didn't give in - as early as when he was very young, he skipped several classes. When we asked him why, he lowered his head. At first we thought he knew his mistake, but soon he The same trick repeated itself, and how he became obedient later on, I'm still not sure.I sent him into the room, and he obediently went in, but the moment I was about to go out, he suddenly raised his head and looked at me, his face was almost distorted by a sudden resentment—— I had never seen him look like this before; I thought he was going to say something, but he just opened his mouth and said nothing.

This is retribution.He's grown so big we don't give him half of our minds, and lately he's given us all of our minds—and it's not enough.In the Son we are truly ignorant. After washing the dishes, I walked out of the kitchen. I saw Qin Lei sitting alone under the dim light, with his left hand on the table. Glad he doesn't clenched his fists anymore.I stood behind him and looked at him carefully: he was wearing a shirt with vertical stripes that I bought for him, with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms (I like this way of wearing him the most, it looks tall and straight, Very nice), only now, he is hunched over, completely still, still—this is my husband, such a lonely and helpless father.I was a little scared when he was angry, but now that he is sad, I know how to make him feel better.I look at the opposite wall—his body is projected on the wall, huge, gray, and his stiff movements are exaggerated under such magnification. This gray shadow is almost enveloping him, suffocating him, and devouring him, and he is so lonely helpless.I walked over, squatted beside him, and grabbed his right hand resting on his lap—although my hand was not big enough, years of tacit understanding gave me the ability to control it.I understand that now is not the time to talk about the two of us—since we knew that Qin Yu had been punished, we have almost never talked about the two of us—but, just holding hands like this, keeping this point is almost trivial to maintain, that is An ironic comfort.He turned his head and forced a smile.I said over and over again in my heart: You are the man I am most familiar with and have always loved, and there is our son whom we love and care about deeply.

real.I often say this: He is our two sons. Is he really our son? These days, I keep asking myself this sentence.When I ask this question, people are almost stupid.Before this, I was very happy, I had a husband, a son, a stable job, I became a head nurse, I was forty-seven years old, but it was still very convenient to buy clothes-I think a woman can live to this extent On the other hand, if there is any dissatisfaction, it is treason.However, since I answered the call from my son's head teacher that day, I began to doubt it.It's as if I looked up one day and suddenly found that the sky was full of cracks--the sky that I believed in for ten thousand years was about to collapse, but I still had no way of knowing what was on it.How does it feel when the beliefs I've kept for most of my life are crumbling, and the new ones don't know where they are?I started to walk light-headed.

This is not a simple question of fault.If it is only the son's fault, then we can leave him alone.It's horrible that he didn't tell us when he had a problem - it wasn't just his fault.Qin Lei is quite stubborn in educating children, and he is a bit headstrong. He always advocates giving children enough freedom and rights to cultivate his independent personality.I admit that before Qin Lei came up with terms such as "freedom", "rights", "personality", "thought" and so on, I never even thought about it. All I know is that I love my son, I want him to be happy--that's all I have in mind.When I gave birth to him, Qin Lei was checking the ward calmly. It can be said that I gave birth to my son accompanied by my son; when I hugged him for the first time, I made up my mind to let him live happily. Let him not know what troubles and pains are - this is of course my wishful thinking.Later, Qin Lei used his method to raise his son, and I followed him, giving him freedom, giving him rights, and giving him all the things his father thought could make him an independent personality. Sometimes I went to friends’ houses and saw them My child has to sit on the piano bench for two hours a day, practice the piano repeatedly, or hold a huge brush to practice calligraphy and painting over and over again, or be forced to recite the endless numbers after the decimal point of pi. A son who knows nothing and has nothing but "independent personality" feels proud - I think having a happy son is better than anything else.Now I'm afraid that we misunderstood him before, and I'm afraid that we are the only ones who are happy.

Recently I have been observing Qin Yu.I found that I knew very little about him: I didn't know what classes he took in school, I didn't know if he had any close friends, I didn't know which floor his classroom was on, and I didn't know how often he called Who is that sweet-voiced girl of his, I don't know what he's thinking all day, I even just found out that he has a beard!I'm afraid to admit this: I'm an incompetent mother who professes to love my only son, but I don't care as much about him as I do about my own body shape.I don't know if other mothers have similar thoughts, do other mothers want to see how much their children resemble themselves-I don't think Qin Yu is like me at all, and I don't see anything like his father .Isn't it scary?We prepared this family for him to help him face the whole world. For his happiness, we tried our best to give him freedom, rights, and all the conditions for him to be a complete and independent person-in the end, he found that he was not compromised. Koudi has become a complete and independent person without a trace of his parents. In any case, it is impossible to believe that he has anything to do with us.What did we do that made him unforgettable?Did we have any words that inspired his life?We love him, but have we done anything to show that we love him?What right do we have to say we love him?What qualifications do you have to say that he is the son of the two of us?

My colleague Xiaolin even said that his son had insect spots on his fingernails-but how long have I not touched his son's fingers?As a mother, I just found out that I don't feel safe at all.A mother who can't confirm that her son is her own son, isn't she a mother in vain? Several times, I tried to talk about these thoughts with Qin Lei.I don't know if I didn't say yes, or what, after he heard it, he flinched and refused.His beliefs are much stronger than mine, and judging from his performance tonight, he has no doubt that he is right.But if you ask me, if time can be reversed, I would rather be the most traditional, conservative, and least respectful mother for children's rights and freedom, as long as my son looks like me, as long as I can know everything about him.