Chapter 122 Niu Niu and "Niu Niu" that made my heart ache (2)

The reason I write so much is because I want to tell readers what the word "fight for life" means.My mother never gave up, she was also afraid, she was also sad, and you can imagine the pain and burden when you know that she is a single mother who lives with me.She also thought that "Ziyou may not live long", but in action, she tried her best to fight for any chance of survival for her child, even if she couldn't recover, she would have no regrets.But what about the philosopher father?A process of waiting for one's own child to die alive, as they say: "waiting to die, this feeling is really extraordinary." (p. 73) I am suffering.

Back to this book, since they knew about Niu Niu’s illness, they tried hard to maintain a stable life. The philosopher father kept repeating words such as bottomless emptiness, bottomless emptiness, and thought about it when watching Niu Niu get vaccinated. "Why don't we understand that even this time is unnecessary" (p. 62).When he wanted to cut Niuniu's hair, he "kept silent, thinking that since she won't live long, and she came with black hair, let her go away so beautifully", as if the one lying on the bed was not a lively child, but a death certificate. In the next fourth chapter, what I saw was the bickering of the two parents who could not see the end, or ridicule or despair. It started with the sentence "If you want to open it, just pretend that we didn't have her", and ended with "Life is just like this, you Thinking about a hundred years later... I know, if you go early and go late, you will go" to comfort yourself. If this is the case, everyone should stop living.There are also a lot of jokes that make the supposedly heavy story weird, saying something like "one is a strange old man and the other is a grumpy woman, of course they are not compatible".The second is the words of despair, because these words are groundless, and I feel their absurdity even more.They firmly believed that Niu Niu would die if she got cancer, so they were caught without a fight. "Niu Niu is so happy to be able to live." (page 69) "Maybe she won't be able to wait until that day. After surgery, there is still a high possibility of dying of cancer recurrence or a second tumor." "Why let her suffer again !Since it is destined to go, it is better to go sooner than later. After all, she still doesn’t know how to miss life.” (p. 71) “But we can’t save her.” (p. 73) “We know she can’t live, why should we let her live?” Suffering?" (p. 78) "My daughter is doomed not to live." (p. 111) It's just absurd, why can't she live?The chance of survival is in the hands of the two of you!

"Let me tell you the truth—Niu Niu is absolutely doomed!" (p. 75) Let me also tell you the truth, if you don't save her, she will really be doomed.Parents learned that their child had cancer and thought she would not live long.They grieve, cry, and take their children home to die.The desperate father wrote "Desperate Family Love (Notes 2)". "Newborns and cancer—God, what are you kidding!" he yelled at fate.He gives an example on page 105: I know a couple whose only daughter, aged seventeen, had cancer.At first, they were also in pain.However, after a long time, they were exhausted by the drag, and they hoped that their daughter would die soon so that they could be relieved.I totally understand the situation. "I don't understand this situation at all! It's so strange. Throughout the book, all the examples that the philosopher's father heard from others are beneficial to his thinking. For example, the parents are very tired of the child's cancer, and even abandon the baby. .But I think this is probably a minority. Otherwise, don’t build a hospital, just build an abandoned baby stand. Please look at the people in the hospital who are united and fighting! Since you are bound to die, it is better to let you be free as soon as possible, why waste energy and emotion on you in vain.It's not that I don't know, all hope is gone, you are just living..." (p. 107) What did the person who persuaded him say?

But the philosopher's father still wrote many beautiful and touching words in his diary. When he responded to the person who persuaded him, he said: "There are a thousand reasons for you to leave early, and only one reason to keep you. More than a thousand reasons, it is my love for you. Is it in vain? Love is not afraid of being in vain... Is it in vain? Love is never in vain.” He explained the gains and losses of life in this way: “Life is complete and indivisible , so death at any age is incalculable and incomparable, it is the loss of a complete life.” How well said!But the following sentence overturned all the previous ones: "But, what about facing the death of the child?"