Chapter 121 Niu Niu and "Niu Niu" (1)

(Writing started on May 22, 2005 and was completed on May 31) I heard about "Niu Niu——A Father's Notebook" very early on. That book has been lying quietly in the bookcase at home for a long time. Although the storyline is very familiar, it is a pity that I have never read it carefully; In class, we studied the prose of the author Zhou Guoping, and we got the impression that he is a person who has a deep understanding of the world, and his writing style is also good.But all of them are limited to watching from a long distance, not close.After suffering from cancer in March last year, I experienced the taste of life and death, the taste of kiss and love, the taste of hope and fighting. When my mother brought it into my hands, I was eager to read and experience it.Because, I am Niu Niu in another version of the story. I was born in the same year and the same month as Niu Niu——April 1990.

I met the eyes of a father with the eyes of a child, and I met the eyes of a father of a child with cancer as a cancer patient.He is a philosopher again, and he can certainly write about his experience in this book.one From the first sentence of the book "Niuniu was born in a hospital not far from my home", my heart was happily led away by the author's pen.I believe that you can tell whether a book is good or not by just looking at its beginning.From "Hao Sijia is not beautiful" in "John Christopher" to the line "The sound of the river rises from the back of the house" in "John Christopher", there is a feeling of eloquence.I imagined that exactly 15 years ago, the happy philosopher father began to write notes.Lamenting the miracle of birth, the birth of a miracle, saying "You are here, we have a home for the first time" (30 pages), "You are my father's most proud work" "I sit by the cradle all day long, staring blankly at You, never get tired of watching... the most beautiful thing is your pair of black and clear eyes." "At this moment, even if I am invited to a certain country to be a king or a member of parliament, I will easily decline." (p. 32) I have seen Niuniu, I have seen her eyes, beautiful eyes, and she also I found that I was looking at her, so I smiled happily.Niuniu!Niuniu who is as old as me!

Misfortune befell this happy family, and bad news came one after another, but apart from understandable heartache and sadness (I can understand it too well, because our family is not difficult), many of his actions are consistent with Psychology, but I think it is wrong and incomprehensible——When the doctor told the child that he had a malignant fundus tumor: "I only know one thing: Niuniu won't live long" (59 pages); When the director of the ophthalmology department signed the doctor's order to "remove the left eye, try radiotherapy and cryotherapy for the right eye": "I have stopped here, and the implementation of the doctor's order has been delayed indefinitely." (268 pages) Attention!Please note!Niuniu is not without the possibility of living!It was they who gave up on their own initiative!It's not that there is no cure, it's their decision to die.This time, she gave up her efforts to save her, and there was no chance of turning her around. Niu Niu really "wouldn't live long."

But how heart-wrenching is the process of waiting for death!Really, I couldn't believe it when I imagined their lives while reading it.I can't believe their decision-waiting to die, I can't believe their thinking-equating malignant tumors with death, saying "my terminally ill daughter" (p. 109), Even uses the term "dead patient" (p. 259).I have a different treatment experience from them because I have a different mother.My mother never regarded it as a terminal illness. She seized every opportunity, studied and thought seriously, did not do anything blindly, and did her best in every decision.Seeing that Niuniu spent her whole life at home, I felt sorry for her, and Niuniu could only say: "Go outside." Then let me say for her what she can't say!

So, when I first started reading, I prepared to capitalize the article and talk about my impressions after reading it.Think about how my mother rescued me like a storm. On the afternoon of March 24, 2004, at school, I suddenly suffered from respiratory distress because of a large tumor growing in my chest cavity.It was later learned that it was a non-seminomatous germ cell tumor of the mediastinum. There was little awareness and treatment experience in China.I was admitted to the cancer hospital when the attack was almost fatal. The doctors had different opinions. My mother contacted many parties within a day and made a decision to be admitted to the China-Japan Friendship Hospital on the 25th.While the doctor was preparing for the operation, she visited authorities in thoracic surgery and asked them to watch the film.Only one of them had seen this kind of tumor, and had two cases of operation experience, and both relapsed and died within six months after the operation.Mom took pictures with a digital camera and sent them to the United States.On the third day after the onset of the disease, she read the relevant papers sent by the American oncologist, and made up her mind to standardize the treatment based on foreign experience, starting with chemotherapy and then surgery.Next, she tried to get the doctor to accept this idea of ​​treatment, and in a daze, she received chemotherapy in the thoracic surgery department.The whole process took only 9 days.And she thinks that it can be done faster, and she often regrets it.