Chapter 114 Because of that buried voice (1)

(May 13, 2005) One day in March last year, I suddenly suffered from respiratory distress at school. When I was sent to the hospital, I was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in my chest cavity. Immediately, I began a long process of treatment, first three courses of chemotherapy, then a major operation, and then It was another chemotherapy, and the platelets were knocked down. It has been more than 8 months, and the platelets have been hovering between 0 and several thousand (the normal value is 100,000 to 300,000).During this period, the danger happened every day, and we tried our best to protect it. When the platelets fell off, if we accidentally touched them, there would be a lot of blood on the body, and the consequences would be disastrous.In the past 8 months, I spent less time in the field and spent more time in bed.Be careful in everything you do, just for one belief, to protect your body from bleeding.

But a few days ago, not far from the Peking University Hospital where I was, a 03-year-old girl from the Chinese Department of Peking University jumped to her death.She must have lost a lot of blood!A few days later, several good friends of mine came to see me in the hospital and gave me birthday presents.I often feel the pressure and pain of their study and life from the phone calls of my classmates, but the few people in front of me are still the same as before, full of enthusiasm and high spirits. We laughed together for several hours. Only then did I realize that the pain It is the pain of some people, but most of them still live with a smile!During the conversation, they told me that a classmate of ours in elementary school, Xiao C, a girl who is now in the high school attached to Peking University, committed suicide.I knew her name when I was in elementary school. Now that I heard about this incident, I was deeply shocked and asked them repeatedly to confirm whether she was indeed dead.Because at our age, when we have just stepped on the road of life, just taken the steps of life, and just tasted the beauty of life, I can't believe that someone has given up on it.

Death is still too far away for us. How can we die when we have just begun to live?They also said that although she was a girl, she looked like a boy, and she was a very beautiful image of a boy. I couldn't help but imagine her face.May such things be few and far between!I sigh.After my friends had gone, I opened a letter they had brought, which they would not let me read while they were there.The letter was to congratulate me on my 15th birthday, but the following words made me unable to calm down.A friend said, tell you about the classmates you know!The most lively and lovely girl in my eyes, Xiao L, has dropped out of school, and the most sensible and steady Xiao H has started to see a psychiatrist.How did that happen?Are they under so much pressure?I'm about to find out about Xiao L's situation, and later I found out from a friend that she has been in a trance for the past two weeks, wondering about everything happening around her, and can no longer study at school. Wait for next year.I asked my friend how was her grade in the class?The other party answered, within the top five in the class.I lament, I regret.A few days later, Xiao Z, a girl in the class, also dropped out of school.I lament, I regret.There are still students who leave school in the grade, and such examples follow one after another.The jitters I knew to feel the previous few months were just clouds and heat before the storm, and now the storm is finally coming.

This reminds me of such a story, the film artist Chaplin once saw such a picture from the newspaper, on the towering snow mountain, groups of gold diggers lined up in the wind and snow because of the dream of getting rich. Moving forward in the middle of the journey, the journey is long, they have no strength, but the bitter wind has no retreat, gradually, one after another, people fall, and the people next to them turn a blind eye, because when a person falls, there is one less opponent.The long march made them forget their feelings and stop. Driven by their desires, they knew how to walk painfully step by step. There were only two endings. They succeeded in digging treasures or fell down until they were covered by snow and became the ghosts of the snow mountain.Chaplin was deeply moved when he saw this scene. Later, he made the famous film "The Gold Rush".The steps taken by the students toward the high school entrance examination and the college entrance examination are more like gold diggers in the snow-capped mountains, but they are still different.The gold diggers never forgot the meaning of this trip, but the students forgot, did they forget that this study is for the teacher?Learned it for parents?Or who to learn from.This made them even more frightened, because they couldn't see the end, and the pressure from all sides was approaching little by little, until finally they couldn't breathe, until the tragedy around me happened.

It was this little Z who once wrote me a letter with a strand of hair stuck in it, which she said she pulled out because she couldn't do the exam questions in a hurry.In the letter, she was distressed by the fact that her grades were still not good despite her continuous efforts. She said that she understood those people who committed suicide before the high school and college entrance examinations.She even wrote, I really really really don't know what learning means to me?What is the purpose of my study?Even, I can't figure out what is the meaning of living, what is a "colorful" life.