Chapter 27 Section Thirteen

43 The next day, I sat in the examination room staring at the completely unfamiliar test papers, and I heard the voices of my classmates writing like flying.The proctor walks up and down beside me, sighing over and over again because my test papers are empty.When I wrote my name on the test paper, I was more determined to leave.I handed the paper to the teacher who looked at me strangely, and left in a hurry. When Dad came to school, it happened to be lunch time. I asked him if he had eaten, and he said not yet.I took him to the school cafeteria and bought him a meal.He asked me, "Why don't you eat?"

I said, "I don't want to eat." Dad glanced at me, didn't say anything, lowered his head and ate the meal that seemed bland to me with relish. After dinner, we came to the playground. The quiet playground was empty, and the turf shone brightly in the sun. We sat down in the shade of a tree. Dad fumbled in his pocket, as if looking for cigarettes. After fumbling for a while, he reluctantly made the choice to give up.I handed him my cigarette, and he looked surprised.I said, "Actually, I started smoking a long time ago." Dad didn't say anything, he took two cigarettes out of the box, put one in his mouth, and handed the other to me.I said: "I still don't smoke in front of you." He put the cigarette in the box again.We glanced at each other and neither of us spoke.The silence lasted for a long time, and the atmosphere was a bit awkward. There is an immeasurable generation gap between us.

Dad spoke first: "Did you fall asleep last night?" "No." I answered truthfully. "What do you think?" he asked. "It's still the original decision, I don't want to go." "What are you going to do if you don't go to school?" "have no idea." "Then you have to find something to do. Are you willing to stay at home all day long?" "I might still go to school and change my major." "What major do you want to study?" "I don't know, anyway, I'm definitely not suitable for the current major." I still firmly believe that this path will not work for me in a daze.

"You are acting emotionally. Young people are prone to impulsiveness." I've heard this way too much. "I have thought about it carefully, and I have been thinking about this matter for a long time." "But you still don't know what you can do or what you want to do. You only know what you can't do. What if you study other majors and still get bored?" "No, if I were to do it all over again, I would choose a major that I love all my life." "People are always changing. It is impossible to maintain a lifelong enthusiasm for one thing, such as..." Dad didn't continue, which reminded me of his relationship with Mom.

"The reason why the enthusiasm will go from bad to worse is because of the wrong choice at the beginning." I stick to my principles. "Things are always changing. You are still young and lack experience in this field. Maybe after a few years you will find that the major you are about to give up is something you cannot live without." "I don't believe it if you kill me, I want to break up with you completely." My father's repeated dissuasion made me feel angry. He didn't seem to understand my deep hatred for this profession. "I'm just giving you an example. I still hope you think twice and don't do things blindly. I have suffered a lot of losses like this, and I have fallen countless times. Now I stand up and look back on the rough road I have traveled. I feel Very naive. You will also experience this feeling."

"I can't study at all now. I just wrote my name and handed in the exam today." I want my dad to understand my current situation. "The next time you encounter this kind of situation, don't write your name." Dad seemed to be afraid that I would lose face with this surname. "I haven't had much class this semester. I'm going to take an exam soon. If I fail all the classes, I will be expelled." "Now you have to turn your grief into strength, read more books, even if you get stuck, you can get a diploma, and it's easy to find a job."

Did dad mean to let me live through four years of scarred life in humiliation, so that I can get a diploma so that I can find a job to make ends meet? Instead of doing this, it is better to go to the gate of Haidian Book City to buy a fake one, which is convenient and fast.I have been trying to make him understand my thoughts and be able to consider this matter from my standpoint.If it were him, how would he treat this matter and what choice would he make.But he pretended to be someone who has experienced it, and he took the time to tell me the truth, let me consider the pros and cons of things again and again, and said that I am half-baked and I am at a stage of confusion in my life. Now is a critical moment, and I must take every step carefully. , otherwise one step will be missed, and there will be endless troubles.

I felt that there was no need to continue the conversation, so I ended the conversation on the grounds that I had classes in the afternoon. Dad said: "Look, you still know how to go to class consciously, and things are not as bad as you think." I don't know what to say. Before leaving, Dad left me the pack of cigarettes and said, "If you can't figure it out, just smoke one. When I was an educated youth, I squatted in the wild at night and shit, while smoking a cigarette and looking at the vast night sky to think about life. and future." 44 Among my father's persuasion, there is a sentence that I think is worthy of deep thinking: what major can you study if you don't study this major?This sentence really played a role that cannot be ignored when I made a choice about where to go in the future.If I give up the major in front of me to seek a major that is really worthy of my love, then what is this major?I felt another daze approaching me.

Whenever I couldn't bear the indescribable emptiness of being in school, I would choose to wander aimlessly around Beijing on foot or by bus.From the moment I got up, until the sunset glowed the sky of the city, and the lights came on.I will end a day of traveling around the city at the moment when thousands of lights are on, and return to school tired. Under the bus, there are fast-moving cars. I don't understand why they are always running on the road.