Chapter 21 Scene 3 Crimson Road (3)

He was forced to be promoted to a mature man in an instant.To see evil from a female body.What happened when he was young, without the slightest resistance, brutally deprived him of his virginity.He didn't have his first sexual relationship until he was twenty-four.He Nian is his wife and his first woman.so conservative.Not recognizing the appearance of erotic pleasure, but being forced into its dark and painful heart.He seems to know the truth of it, so he will not be seduced by delusion.He didn't spare them at all.He has no mercy for them. 4 no mercy.Yes.His mercy is twisted and squeezed into tiny sparks, hidden dark blobs.He can't feel it or catch it.He's exhausted it, knowing it won't bring salvation.Mercy cannot fill any damage.He said.If something happens in someone's life, a door is closed forever.This is damage.

He saw her wearing a baggy white hospital gown, walking with her head bowed coweringly, her feet barefoot.good life.good life.When she saw him behind the glass window of the meeting room, her eyes flashed with joy.Her voice was light and weak due to the suppression of her long-term closed life.Beside him sat a row of patients with glassy eyes and frozen faces.These patients with mental illness will stay in their respective black caves for a long time. She was in Qinggang Hospital that year.When I was in school, my classmates loved to use Qinggang Hospital to intimidate and make fun of each other, because mentally ill patients are always carriers of fear, which means sudden madness and uncontrollability, and there may be personal attacks.She must have never thought that her eighteen years of age were spent here.

She was sunk after the accident.I often sit alone in the room in a daze, without washing my face and combing my hair, and don't want to do anything.Silence, or crying for no reason, crying until the whole body trembles until fainting.Insomnia.The mannerisms are stiff, the eyes are straight, and you can't concentrate.Can only be sent to the hospital for compulsory treatment.Take medicine, do psychological assistance guidance. The peers around her have already been admitted to college one after another, scrambling to be the first to go.In her claustrophobic days, she reads to get by.He keeps giving her books.After reading a batch, change to another batch.She recovered fairly well.

He visited her one last time before leaving.They sat in the small garden of the hospital.At the end of summer, the roses and roses in the garden are about to bloom, and the muddy ground is full of withered and yellowed pink petals.She showed him the timetable in the hospital.Get up at 6:30 in the morning, check at 6:30, breakfast at 7:30, lunch at 11:30, nap at 1:30, dinner at 5:30, snack at 7, and go to bed at 9.You have to swallow a lot of pills sent by the nurse, receive injections, checks, and tests. She said, now I go to bed early and get up early like a farmer, working and resting as the sun rises and sets.Life here is very regular.Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, I occasionally hear someone screaming and crying hysterically in other rooms in the corridor, the lingering sound lingers and stops for a while.I don't know how to deal with myself so that I can control myself so as not to sink completely.Those who stay here are all helpless people.I have to be patient.Life is too hard right now.good life.

He saw the blue veins on the back of her hand, which had been stiffened by the infusion needle, stick out thickly.There are scars on the wrist, the marks left by the blade self-mutilation.A fresh wound was wrapped in gauze, oozing black traces of coagulated blood.Because of taking hormone drugs, the side effects are obvious, the previously thin and delicate eyelids are swollen, and the figure is also bloated.A head of black hair grows vigorously, and it looks greasy and sloppy because it is not washed frequently.Pale and acne-prone skin.It was as if she was suddenly thrown into a large wooden barrel filled with sterilized hot water, and all aura and vitality were roughly washed away.The whole person was sluggish and powerless.

She said that when I just returned from fleeing abroad, I dreamed that I often saw the rented house outside, and there were peach blossom trees and fields with flowing rivers outside.Waking up in the middle of the night, I saw the light and shadow cast by the street lamp outside the window hitting the wall, shadowy, as if the peach blossoms were blooming outside the house, thinking that I was still staying in the small town of Suzhou.But that was just the outline of the clutter opposite the door. I said to him, take me away.take me away.We're going far away.Leaving, leaving all bondage people and things, leaving his family, wife, children, he does not love them.He loves no one.He only loves himself.I made him love himself more.I want to leave the rules with him, leaving is not free.

He couldn't find other work and slowly spent the money he brought out.Live together, isolated on an isolated island.No friends, no news from the outside world.Every day when two people stay together, other than making love, they quarrel and torture each other.He ends up as a trapped animal, moaning in his sleep. A month later, he started beating me. After beating me, he knelt on the ground and grabbed my skirt to confess.He often woke up in the middle of the night, hugged me and burst into tears, unable to control himself.He said he loves me because I ignited a fire inside him, but now he just hates me because those burning flames, long ago extinguished by the disappointment of reality, just ruined his life again.This is not the life he wants.Then one morning, he walks away without saying goodbye.

I can not find him.He avoided seeing it.Approaching his home, his wife and neighbors threw bricks at me with their hands.I just want to ask him why he is so decisive all of a sudden.I insisted on finding him, meeting him, and wanting him to speak to me personally.I used to not allow myself to face the fact that we were all knocked out of each other.The relationship between people is like the petals that are bound to wither in late spring... precarious and futile.Ultimately cornered.There is no chance of survival.