Chapter 30 29

Jing travels between S University, coffee shops and her home on Guchuan Road every day. She takes the first bus to school every morning, but usually she can only finish half a day of class, and then rush to work in the supermarket, and then go to the supermarket after get off work. coffee shop.The coffee shop closed at one o'clock in the morning, all the buses were gone, and Jing walked home.She didn't allow Xiao Zhuo to wait for her, but he still often waited for her until he got off work, and at first he came to the coffee shop to pick up Jing, Jing would be very angry and ignored him along the way.So he had no choice but to not come, but he still refused to go to bed first, cooking porridge at home and waiting for her.Jing always urges him to go to bed.But he still insisted on sitting with her and watching her drink the porridge.

Then they fell off wearily and set their alarms for six in the morning. The time Jing and Xiaozhuo spend together is just a bowl of porridge.They don't speak much. Although they both know each other has a lot of suffering, they seldom talk about it. S University is located in the northeast corner of the city, and the campus is very large.Because the school has a long history, the sycamore trees on the campus are very old, and the fragile bark is often carved with sad words by sad children.Cherry blossom trees and lilacs are also flourishing, making this campus always full of feminine warmth.Many teaching buildings have been refurbished and rebuilt several times.Jing just likes the library very much. As a small old building, it has been preserved.Jing often walked in, walking up to the top floor on the faded and polished floor.There is a small reading room there, and there are many picture albums that are not loaned out.She likes their stale smell and broken look.Jing kept telling herself that Lu Yihan had been here before, so he might just sit in this seat and flip through this album.His favorites are Munch and Chagall.Jing stroked the album, feeling that he was on the opposite side, looking at her in the morning light.Jing stretched out her hand, her hand was on the table, and was illuminated with a bright light by the sunlight coming in from the outside, but there was an empty stool opposite.And she was alone in the library this morning, nothing else.

She just goes to class, goes to the library, and has little to do with school other than that.Jing also likes to see those beautifully dressed girls, with brown curly hair permed, wearing slanted plaid skirts and high-necked monochrome sweaters, with slender ankles exposed in shallow leather shoes.Holding thick books in their arms, they walked across the lawn in the morning light without any haste, and their slight smiles showed their arrogance just right.Sometimes walking with the boy I love, I also hide my joy well, just inquiring about the other person's mind in seemingly casual words.Jing likes to watch those girls. She once thought her college life was like this. In her high school life like a race every day, Jing thought of her college and her future happiness countless times.She thought that she could be them and enjoy the best years with a simple mind.But now, she can't even give herself time to look in the mirror, let alone strolling around the campus so leisurely and calmly?

The girls in the same class must think that Jing is very strange, she always looks very urgent, and feels uneasy sitting and listening to lectures, and more often she is very tired, propping her head on one arm, and gradually falling into sleep.I often forget to bring my textbooks, and there are only a few scattered white papers on the table.If she was awake, she would probably be in a daze, and then she would have the urge to write something.So she took out two blank sheets of paper and a pen from her schoolbag, and wrote messily on the paper.Sometimes a detail comes to mind suddenly, and I write it down very eagerly.Such as missing someone from the past, or suddenly passing an old object in the mind.Jing squeezed the pen tightly, and quickly scribbled on the paper.It was the only time she could write, and it was so precious.Jing is sure that she still has a strong desire to talk. After so many things happened, there are always too many depressed feelings suppressed in her chest, and she can't speak, or even write.The fatigue of life made her have no time to write.However, words will still gather and condense in her heart, which seems to be a disease unique to Jing.In a life with almost no friends, no talk and talk, writing may be the only way for her to continue this kind of life.

Jing sometimes writes long paragraphs of words on paper for whom I don't know.Then tear them all up and throw them in the wastebasket before get out of class is over.One day a girl sitting behind Jing suddenly sat next to Jing during class, and she smiled sweetly at Jing—she is a beautiful girl: curved eyes, slightly raised nose, small lips.The complexion is white and transparent, and he is wearing a rose red wide collar embroidered shirt and an indigo wool skirt.It should be a very wealthy girl from a scholarly family, with an innate sense of superiority, although she is also very kind to others, but there is an arrogance that cannot be let go in her bones.She said to Jing: "What are you writing?"

"It's nothing, just draw whatever you want." Jing immediately grabbed the paper and tore it off. "My name is Lin Miaoyi. How about you?" She looked at her with big bright eyes and said. "Lu Yijing." Jing has always resisted strangers.Probably because of the experience of getting along with children in elementary school, the role of "classmate" has always made her very vigilant. "You look very busy every day. Don't you live on campus? I rarely see you." Lin Miaoyi asked enthusiastically. "I'm more used to living at home." Jing still said coldly.

"Oh, I don't live in the school either. The school dormitory is terrible. I live in Taoli Street..." When Jing heard the words Taoli Street, she felt her whole body tremble.At this time, the teacher said on the podium that get out of class is over.Jing said sorry to her, and rushed out of the classroom in a hurry. It's like this every day, Jing must be the first to rush out of the classroom after class.Carrying a large schoolbag, tied her hair with a single-color rubber band without patterns, wearing a bulky T-shirt and jeans, and very ordinary sneakers. Sometimes Jing passes a glass and takes a hasty look at herself—she is so rough, blunt, and not as soft and gentle as a girl should be.If Yumi saw her, Yumi would definitely tell her not to wear such a crude neutral cotton shirt or such dirty jeans.But Yumi, what is Yumi wearing and doing at the moment?Jing seemed to see her wearing a greasy white and large uniform, standing in the operating room of the prison cafeteria, holding a shovel dripping hot oil in her hand.Big beads of sweat fell on her face.But her expression is so serious, full of horror and seriousness, like a sleepy Cinderella who just got up from the stove.Jing was about to shed tears when she thought of this.The little girl who has always liked to dress herself up in pink and cute, the little girl who has always yearned for freedom so much, now wears the same white or dark blue uniform, and lives in a small world surrounded by iron bars.

She stopped looking at herself and hurried on her way. When winter came, Jing quit her job in the supermarket and started working in a book bar.One is that because the coffee shop and the book bar are close, Jing stays in the book bar during the day, and it is very convenient to go to the coffee shop at night.Second, because there are many books in the book bar, foreign original novels, Chinese novels, and a wealth of magazines and periodicals, you can pick up a book and read it standing up when you are not busy.At this time they already had a small amount of savings, and Jing bought Xiao Zhuo a red bicycle, so he didn't have to rush to squeeze the bus.But because of the long journey to school, it was always cold all the way, so she accompanied him to pick out a white down jacket and a pair of gray gloves with sky blue checks.She went out with him in the morning, and he always took her to the station by bike, and then Jing jumped off, watching Xiao Zhuo ride away, drifting away.Xiao Zhuo is already a 1.82-meter-long man with broad shoulders, wearing a white down jacket with blue corners and gray-blue jeans, and carrying a dark blue Jansport schoolbag—it was a birthday present from Jing , riding a brand new red mountain bike speeding past.Very fair skin, delicate eyebrows, with an innate gentle temperament, he is such a good-looking and reliable boy.Jing likes to dress him up nicely, he is all her hope, the little tinder she wants to protect tightly with both hands.So she can allow herself to be sloppy and rough, but she can't see anything wrong with him.She wants him to have the same things as other partners, so that he will never be looked down upon by others, or even pitiful.This is indeed the case, Xiao Zhuo has always been a handsome boy with excellent character and learning.Uncle Lu will feel at ease when he sees it in the high clouds.

On a slightly warm winter day, Jing read "Les Miserables" again in the book bar.At that time she was leaning in a dark corner not far from the toilet, reading what happened to the poor woman Fantine.She read how Fantine had lost one of her golden hairs, and how she had willingly had her two front teeth knocked out for the sake of her dear little daughter.Jing slowly shed tears.She will be my best role model, Jing whispered to herself. However, Jing's situation is getting worse and worse.The disordered life made her binge eating strike again, and before that, she once thought that she had completely ended the long and endless battle with food.

Jing gradually became silent and willing in such a mechanized life.She is always in such a hurry during the day that she has no time to eat on time.I have been running around all morning, and usually eat something when I leave the book bar in the afternoon.Then came the time to work in the coffee shop. Jing always felt very hungry at that time, but the waiter had no rest time and could not disappear for a moment.They all said that people who work in coffee shops gradually become numb to the aroma of freshly baked bread, and feel like throwing up at the smell of sweet and cloying.But Jing is a good-for-nothing girl. From the beginning to the end, she has never been tired of the sweet smell of bread, which is a constant temptation for her.Jing didn't know if some customers found out that this seemingly calm and expressionless girl actually went home with the leftover croissants or egg tarts distributed to employees by the coffee shop after get off work in the evening. Eating while walking, it is winter, cold and windy.People who walk in the middle of the night should wrap their coats tightly and stuff their hands in coat pockets or thick gloves, but Jing is carrying a plastic bag, holding cold food in one hand, and stuffing it into his mouth .She couldn't wait until she got home, she was so hungry and ate in such a mess, she didn't want to be seen by Xiao Zhuo.Now Jing is no longer the young lady who comforted each other with him in the past, she is the woman who supports his life, she needs dignity, and will not expose such an unbearable image in front of him again.Every time she walked home, Jing's stomach twitched with pain.But she remained calm, Xiaozhuo sat at the table and waited for her. On the table was hot porridge with fish slices or soft custard.She didn't speak, and rushed into the bathroom first, washing her tear-stained face.Then came out quietly and sat down to eat the meal he made for her.In fact, the stomach is already so swollen, but I just eat, eating tastelessly.Poor Xiao Zhuo, you can just see Jing with a cold face, not talking much.He might have thought she was too tired or that his well-prepared dinner didn't satisfy her.But there were too many things that he couldn't see or know. All Xiao Zhuo saw was Jing silently eating, and then turned away.

I'm sorry, Xiao Zhuo, I'm sorry.But what can she do?Now is no longer that time.The two of them were no longer the spoiled children under Uncle Lu's arms. At that time, Jing ate a refrigerator full of food and huddled in a corner sad.In fact, she was not desperate at that time, and she was not alone.She has Xiaozhuo, Uncle Lu, and a big house where she can hide - if she finds her face swollen and embarrassed on the second day of gluttony, then she can skip class and hide at home, and hide herself behind the floor-to-ceiling curtains , so that no one will see her.Those pains will slowly evaporate in this small space until she gradually gets better.At that time Jing also liked Xiao Zhuo's care.He would suddenly appear when Jing was feeling uncomfortable, kneeling quietly in front of him, like a statue of Athens bathed in moonlight.She never forgot that at midnight that winter, Xiao Zhuo broke the piggy bank and led her to buy loose chocolates.However, Jing is the most helpless young lady, and she is still now.It is this almost crude life that has almost exhausted the young lady's physical strength.So the young lady didn't have the strength to stop and tell Xiao Zhuo what was in her heart, it would be a complete collapse.She knew that once she stopped, she couldn't get up again.Oh, he wouldn't know, she fantasized about his father's arms at night, he kissed her forehead, and he praised her for taking good care of Xiaozhuo. In this way, Jing went back and forth between overeating and starvation, and her emotions also rose and fell accordingly.She didn't know who could bear her melancholy and irascibility, so she had to hide herself and shut herself in her room.At that time, Jing didn't care to think about whether such isolation had alienated her relationship with Xiao Zhuo.The days continued in such silence.She and Xiao Zhuo became more and more speechless.Xiao Zhuo quietly read her novel book, which made her furious.He was very surprised by her reaction, because in the past Jing liked Xiao Zhuo to read her novels, and she liked to watch him read those words that fell on the paper but still sighed deeply, his lips opened and closed gently, That gentle voice is the best comfort for the girl's misfortune.But now it can't, she can't let him know how fragile she is, if he reads those words, she will no longer be able to hold back the tears.She grabbed her notebook fiercely and put it in her bag.Jing could only pretend to turn a blind eye to Xiao Zhuo's aggrieved and questioning eyes. Jing and Xiaozhuo are both stubborn and introverted people. This relatively silent state seems to be the best stability.Such days are like a year.The changes in this year are actually not small: Xiao Zhuo, who has excellent grades, entered the key class, and his oil painting that participated in the art exhibition won a national award.Jing became a regular contributor to a popular magazine. That magazine always only cared about this season's fashion and the privacy of celebrity life. Its columns liked to teach Feng Shui or discuss the importance of sex life.But it paid a lot of money.Jing often needs to write interviews with film and television stars or singers, which are far away from her and will not penetrate into her heart, which makes her feel safe.And Jing is very familiar with such articles, and is often praised by the editor-in-chief of the magazine.In addition, a novel written by Jing with an unknown name was published in her favorite literary journal, and the luxurious courtyard described in it was No. 3 Taoli Street, which often haunted her dreams.The person with shining eyes is Yumi. She sings softly to the stove in the prison. Spring is here again, but her hair is cut short again. One day she quietly took out the lipstick that Jing brought her in front of the mirror , carefully daubed on the cracked lips, and then smiled contentedly, she said that she began to like such a strong color, because it is very festive.And this kind of happiness is enough to maintain her boring life for a week, even if she is bullied by a neurotic elderly female prisoner, she will not feel sad at all.Jing read almost the books in the book bar, so she quit her job in the book bar.The coffee shop opened a branch near her home, which made it much closer for her to go to work.For the convenience of writing manuscripts, Jing bought a second-hand laptop, which was very bulky, but the thick shell gave her an infinite sense of security, not to mention that she only needed to type.Jing always works very quickly, trying to finish in the shortest possible time.In the nighttime thereafter, she could write what she wanted.Novels gradually fascinated her because they were half-truths and half-false. The reality blended with vain dreams or the fiction filled with mottled reality always gave her the illusion of leaving the ground.At such times, Jing always thought that someone was going to take her away.To her, the words of the novel are like raindrops, which seem to have no subversive ability, but when the raindrops gather together silently and grow into a soft and fluffy cloud, Jing realizes that she is already in the cloud.The pleasure of being sent to the clouds without knowing it often made her feel like Cinderella was successfully found by the prince, and she indulged in it.Jing gradually got used to typing lines and lines into her computer at midnight, and the slight sound from the machine seemed to be a response to her confiding.She was moved by it.