Chapter 11 10

Since then, Jing often took all of Man's clothes into the room and tried them on one by one. She closed her eyes and imagined that she was also a charming girl.If she had enough time, she would go into Mann's room, wear the clothes in her closet, and use her dark rose lipstick.She was alone, imagining herself lavishly dressed for a grand ball.She put Man's white gauze dress on her head and became a bride.She swayed in her mother's high heels, throwing one off on the way, pretending to be Cinderella fleeing in a hurry.This is her own theater, she is the director and actor of the whole play.She is the princess who just fell in love, and she is also the prince who came to take the princess away.She herself is performing a vigorous and loyal love.

Finally, one time Man returned home early in the afternoon. As soon as she walked up the stairs, she saw Jing running back to her room with a lot of her clothes.Jing hummed happily, leaving Man with a happy back.Man was very angry, she seemed to be reminded suddenly.Her daughter, the silent girl, still harbored hatred and jealousy for her.However, Man didn't expose Jing, she just observed Jing quietly, pretended to go out, and then quietly returned to check in an instant.In Man's bedroom, Jing put on Man's rose-purple dress. Her body bulged the skirt, and it grew a long way.However, Jing didn't seem to mind at all. She lifted the corners of her skirt, like a graceful and elegant lady in the Baroque period, walked on tiptoe, pulled up the skirt corners on both sides and bent her knees slightly to express her greetings and respect, and turned to look like she was in the middle of the dance floor. Dancing lightly... Man suddenly felt a chill, and Jing seemed to have a world that was too deep and claustrophobic, which made her feel uneasy.This girl is always doing some inexplicable things behind her back without saying a word, to vent her dissatisfaction with her.Man decided to send Jing away.

One morning after binge eating and sleeping next to the refrigerator, when Jing woke up, Man was standing facing her, smoking a cigarette.Her feet almost touched Jing's drooping head, and she was so tall, the white and slightly hot soot flicked off her fingertips, slowly floating down and falling into Jing's hair.That was the breath that Man had always left her, very familiar.Jing's hair is full of dust, and some more soot will not make her feel sadder.Seeing Jing waking up, Man said lightly, I feel that I am not capable of raising you anymore, and I want to send you to boarding school.Group life is good for you, you are bound, and maybe you will get better soon.

No, I'm not going.Jing said. I have to go.Mann said. Jing looked at Man.Man was wearing an apricot-colored luxurious silk-satin nightgown, and on her feet were rose-colored wool slippers similar to Xiao Zhuo's slippers.Her fingernails were dyed the bright pink of peony, and the white smoke from the cigarette between her fingers curled around her.The perfume on the body is a complex plant fragrance with a charming smell.She has managed to evolve into a charming dame.Jing guessed that Man probably had such potential, so she could easily become the noble woman she had longed for. I do not go.Jing stared firmly in her eyes, and spoke slowly.

Man had already extinguished the cigarette, and the rustling ash fell down again, getting into Jing's hair.She stretched out her two hands to tightly wrap around the girl's arms, and told her word by word: You have to go. Jing didn't go to school that day.She hid behind the curtains in the room.Warm red curtains surrounded her like a soft flame, and she used the illusion to comfort herself.Autumn is coming.And Jing's thirteen years old.And she is still caught in the war with food and cannot extricate herself.Food was her poppy, she was so addicted to it, so dependent on it.Only when she eats in this way can she feel warm and relieved. Abundant food can make her forget that she is a poor person with nothing.

That afternoon Jing finally mustered up the courage to look in the mirror carefully.The girl in the mirror has a swollen and pale round face with almost no chin. The whole face is a round pancake, and there is no neck. The thick shoulders are connected with the face, so the whole person looks like she is shrunk under the clothes. There is no way to cheer up.Jing remembers that when she was young, she had a pair of big, round eyes, very bright with flowing brilliance, but now because of the swelling of the whole face, it has become a small and slender one, and she can't always open it.She tried her best to adjust her eyes in front of the mirror, making them open as wide as possible, but the eyeballs were always hidden in the thick drooping eyelids, as if she had lost her soul.Her skin has also become oily from eating too much sweet and greasy food, like a layer of disgusting grease.Even if Jing tried her best to wash it off, it didn't take long for a large amount of oil to appear on her face.There seemed to be mites on her nose, and the red bumps spread from the wings of the nose to the tip of the nose.The girl covered her face, not wanting to see her again, this hopelessly ugly girl.But she saw her fat body again through the gap between her fingers.She was wearing a white sarong, but this pure color did not bring her any girlish feeling of innocence.Her thick arms protruded from the cuffs of her sleeveless dress.When the arm was vibrated, the flesh on it was shaking, as if it was about to be thrown off.Although the white sarong was tucked in at the waist and tied with a belt, it didn't show the waist.Her body is like a wooden barrel, straight up and down. If the belt is tightened a little more, the flesh around the waist will stand out.Her legs are also so thick, without the graceful posture of a girl at all.

Finally unable to bear it anymore, Jing turned her head away and couldn't bear to look at the mirror again. Jing once again thought of her beautiful mother, and Man's bright face in the mirror.She remembered Man's intoxicated and satisfied expression.The thought made her suffer even more.But she couldn't stop there, she knew that the next gluttony was not far away.She would rush to the refrigerator again because there was no food on pins and needles, and eat up the food in it as quickly as possible.She would sit on the kitchen floor again and drift off to sleep in terror. Jing turned her back to the mirror, standing like this, she could still feel the fat body in the mirror behind her shaking from side to side.fed up.She grabbed a glass vase on the desk in front of her and threw it at the mirror.The fat girl in the mirror burst immediately, she was so easily shattered, her ugliness could finally be seen by him no longer.For this she felt a burst of pleasure.

Jing kept herself away from the broken mirror, and returned to sit behind the curtain.She was trying to hide herself.She was worried that Man would go to school to find her and send her away.So she couldn't leave this house, she couldn't leave No. 3 Taoli Street.Even though she is constantly humiliated by Man here, even though she can only live with more inferiority under Man's beauty, she still cannot leave here.In Jing's subconscious, this is a place of love.The man she called Uncle Lu and the boy Xiao Zhuo were the ones she felt loved.So even if I live a wronged life, I don't want to leave this hopeful love like a tinder.

No. 3 Taoli Street is a place where love can be rebuilt, Jing believes. Jing sat under the crimson curtain, hugging her knees.Looking down, she saw the folded fat at the waist inside the white sarong.She pinched them hard with her fingernails, no matter the pain, bruises, or blood, she just wanted the disgusting yellow grease to leave her. That afternoon Jing knelt for a long time facing the bright sky outside the window and the direction she couldn't distinguish clearly, begging in her heart over and over again, hoping that the gods in the sky could take away the fat attached to her body.She guessed that grandma would help her if she saw it in the sky.She kowtowed and said, Grandma, are you in the sky, are you there, are you there.Grandma, do you know that I have a very serious illness.I have been eating non-stop.My only pleasure now is eating.How useless I am, how bad I am.Grandma, please help me to get better.

Jing exhausted all her strength to prop up her body, stuck her head on the window sill, and wanted to take another look at the sky-maybe grandma would appear, she comforted herself like this.And just outside the window, Lu Yihan's car drove into the yard.He got out of the car, looked up and saw Jing poking his head out from the window sill on the second floor.He smiled at her.Then got into the house. How happy Jing was that he saw her.He noticed her.She was tense for no reason at the moment.She was wondering if he was walking towards her, if he would keep walking into her room. Jing sat down again, hugging her knees politely, to make herself look better.But she forgot that she just broke the glass of the dressing table, and the shards were all over the floor.

The door did ring, Lu Yihan knocked on the door, then slowly pushed it open, and walked in. Jing lowered her head in a panic. Lu Yihan walked towards Jing step by step.He had already changed into soft blue-and-blue plaid pajamas and cotton slippers.He walked up to her, at this time he had already seen the glass all over the floor, but he was not angry at all, just asked softly: Why didn't you go to school? Jing didn't answer.Not a word, very silent.In fact, she still hesitated in her heart, should she confide in him?She didn't want his sympathy, and that sympathy could not cure her illness, or change her ugliness.She was just thinking that if she confides and he listens, then he can spend more time with her.This is enough for Jing.All she expected was that he could stay here for a while longer, looking at her with such a caring look.Jing has already shaped Lu Yihan into an image of a perfect man in her heart. This man has never appeared in her previous life. He is a father, he is a lover, he is vast and rich... Lu Yihan looked at the broken glass on the ground, and asked again: Are you in a bad mood?Or unwell? Jing shook her head. Lu Yihan reached out and pulled Jing up.He stroked her hair gently.She was so close to him again, and she felt the smell of him strongly.What a blessing this is to her.Every time she gets so close, she always wants to grab his hand, let him hold her for a long time, and listen to her tell her grievances and attachments.It must have been a very long narration. For many years, no one has listened to her, and she has become a claustrophobic door for a long time.And this afternoon, her desire to confide seemed particularly strong.She wanted to stretch her arms around his neck many times, but in fact she cowardly dared not even raise her eyes.When she finally plucked up the courage to look directly at him, she realized that his eyes were fixed on the floor where she was sitting on just now, showing a little bit of surprise.Jing hurriedly turned around to look-there was a bright red blood stain on the floor.She was terrified, and hastily pulled the white skirt behind her to the front—the white skirt was also stained with blood. She shivered and took a step back, away from Lu Yihan.She didn't understand what was going on, why her body began to bleed for no reason before her prayers in the afternoon were answered, was this the retribution for her rebellion against her mother and secretly cursing her mother in her heart?Is she getting worse?Is she dying? Jing looked at Lu Yihan with shame and fear, and finally couldn't help crying bitterly. Lu Yihan came over, squatted down, and hugged Jing, not caring that his clean plaid pajamas were stained with blood on her body.She flung herself into his arms, sobbing: I haven't done anything bad, why am I bleeding?Is it because I said bad things about Mom?I will never say it again... The man gently patted the girl's back with his hands, and gently helped her answer her confusion: Silly boy, you bleed because you grew up. Will you bleed when you grow up?Does this mean dying?Same as my grandma, same as my dad?Jing was puzzled, and her mind quickly flashed the last face of her grandmother she saw.The thought that immediately flashed through her mind was that I did not die desolately and alone, with Uncle Lu accompanying me, I was very warm... No, it doesn't mean you're dead, it just means you've grown up.Girls bleed when they grow up.Uncle Lu explained with a little effort. The girl looked at the man's face, doubting his words. So will I bleed until all the blood is gone?A shriveled body flashed in Jing's mind, and there was no longer any moisture. Won't.Silly boy, it will be healed in a few days, and not a drop of blood will be shed. Hmm... Jing still has doubts in her heart. Don't worry, when did Uncle Lu lie to you?Lu Yihan smiled and patted Jing's head, but felt very helpless in his heart-it seemed that there was nothing more troublesome than explaining all this to a little girl. Uncle Lu, will you hate me because I bleed?Jing still couldn't rest assured, and asked again. How come, silly boy.It's too late for Uncle Lu to like Xiao Jing, so how could he hate Xiao Jing. Ok?What you said just now...Jing deliberately pretended not to hear clearly, but wanted him to repeat what he just said. Uncle Lu likes Xiao Jing, and will never hate Xiao Jing.Lu Yihan repeated it patiently. Mom wants to send me away, can I stay here?Jing begged Lu Yihan cowardly, her heart beating wildly, for fear that he would not agree. I won't let her send you away.You will always be here.Lu Yihan smiled broadly. Later, Lu Yihan asked Jing to change into a clean dress, and then took her out for pizza.Jing still had fear in her heart, she seemed to hear the sound of blood draining from her body, like a cursed stream.She held his hand tightly, even when she sat down to eat, she would hold his hand with one hand.At first she was slightly worried that he would evacuate, but he didn't, how could he.He looked at her with loving eyes all the time.She began to feel that bleeding is not bad, at least, he would care about her so much... After dinner, they walked on the street again.Pass by a store that sells makeup and washing products for women.He asked her to wait at the door, then walked in.She was a little confused - did he want to buy something for his mother?Lu Yihan came out quickly, took a white square plastic package, and handed it to her.She pinched it, and it was soft, like a stack of handkerchiefs folded into small squares.His expression suddenly became a little strange, even slightly shy.He adjusted his expression, and then said to Jing gently, you need this.You go to the bathroom, follow the pictorial instructions above, and you're ready to go. That was the first time Jing used it.According to what he said, Jing learned how to use it in the narrow bathroom.It does bode well for her growing up.Her growth is indeed different from others, just like her day, the day she first grew up, is different from other girls, there is no mother around to guide her how to do it, comfort her gently, so that she will not be afraid . Jing came out of the bathroom.Lu Yihan said, learned? Well, it's very simple, just like a Band-Aid.Jing said proudly. band Aid?Lu Yihan was taken aback for a moment, and was amused by Jing's sudden comparison. Well, that thing is also used to stop bleeding, like an oversized Band-Aid.Jing explained clearly and logically, and Lu Yihan had to admire Jing's rich imagination.Jing is always a girl who makes him curious. She is so young and always in trouble, but she never expects someone to show mercy.She lives in her own world, so there are endless imaginations in her mind.So she was so different, like unmined ore, he found her immeasurable light.Since then, the "large Band-Aid" has become a secret between them.Sometimes Jing accidentally mentioned that she was unwell, and Uncle Lu asked her if she was serious and if she wanted to take medicine, Jing would smile slyly: I don’t need to take medicine, I just need a large band-aid. That day, Lu Yihan kept holding Jing's hand and walked home slowly.They were together all afternoon.The weather in early summer is cool, and the clothes will not stick to the body, so I feel that the body is very light, as if it is about to fly.And the curious Xiaofeng ran after them, as if he was sent to the sky.The mottled sycamore tree shadows under his feet seemed to become undulating clouds, and Jing stood like this and fell into a deep dream.Lu Yihan also bought Jing a wide-brimmed sun hat in a high-end clothing store, pink and made of yarn, wearing it as if wearing a luxurious dream.He likes to buy her things, he said he has always wanted a daughter, and now finally got his wish.And Jing no longer panics because of bleeding, she never thought that she could get such a rich love.This love came so abruptly that she was flattered and worried about gains and losses.Therefore, Jing regards bleeding as the price she must pay, and she feels at ease because of this. Many years later, Jing still often thinks that she was with Uncle Lu on the day of her menarche.Jing believes that this day has extraordinary significance in her life.And the person who led her up the girl's steps on this day and left her childhood away from then on is also irreplaceable.On that day, Jing also finally understood what the secret was wrapped in the hard core that was quietly opening in her body, and it did not disappoint her.