Chapter 28 26．dog with tooth pulled out

Ji Yan and I decided to go back to Licheng when the summer vacation comes. On the last day before the school holiday, I met Tang Xiao at the door of the classroom between classes.She has been standing at the door waiting for me.Neither of us spoke, and walked side by side to the playground. Tang Xiao has not come to class for many days, nor has he returned to the dormitory.As I looked at my cousin in the thickest sunlight this morning, I felt how much I missed her.Tang Xiao wore a white cloth shirt with puffy sleeves at the cuffs at the wrists.A pair of breeches with a 6-point breech.She looked a little more heroic, like a medieval warrior with a long sword.But this does not prevent her from having an outstanding and charming face.She filled the entire eye socket with dark blue eyeshadow.Her black lips showed teeth as bright as pearls in a clam shell.The sun is so blazing, I saw the blurry sunlight falling on her hair, I felt a little dizzy, her hair was actually blue and blue.

"Are you and Ji Yan going to Licheng?" She stood motionless under the sun, her skin was cold and fair, not a single drop of sweat condensed on her face, she was like a goddess, even the sun could not Offensive. "Hmm." I think the least I can do when facing Tang Xiao is to be honest. I never want to hide anything from her, even though she hates me as much as she does now. "Are you going to see that Duan Xiaomu?" She was aggressive, and she refused to take her eyes off my face for a moment. I'm a little surprised how she knew that.Could it be Ji Yan?I felt that Tang Xiao was digging deeper and deeper into my secrets like a spying mirror inserted into my body.But I still say honestly:

"Ok." "I once pushed someone off the swing, now I have to go back and apologize, right?" She continued to ask without slackening at all.This question finally touched my deepest sore spot.I took a breath and finally asked: "Did Ji Yan tell you all this?" "Don't misunderstand Ji Yan! Don't you love him very much? Why do you still doubt him? He didn't tell me this. I peeked at his diary. He wrote all these things in his diary because he was very sad. " Tang Xiao almost screamed because I doubted Ji Yan. I'm really ashamed.How come I don't trust Ji Yan so much, I thought he told Tang Xiao all these things about me.

It was the diary.I thought again of the diary that made me feel sweet, and I ignored Ji Yan's pain when he wrote those diaries.He must have been heartbroken when he wrote it. How could he accept that his beloved little girl had done such things? "Then can you give him back to me when you come back?" Tang Xiao suddenly changed into a pleading tone, her body trembling under the sun, like a butterfly that has lost the ability to fly.My cousin, my dear cousin, how pitiful she is at this moment, she has lost all the pride she has had since she declared war on me.She was the little sister who leaned on me again.I want to go up to her and kiss her, but I think that means I agree with her, I will give up my words.Dear cousin, if Ji Yan is an item, a pet or just my boyfriend, I will give it to you.But he is not, he is everything to me now, he is everything to my life.He sent me all the way to God, he gave me a kind heart and a spirit of repentance, he took my hand and sent me step by step to a high and broad place.I can't can't separate from him.

"Well, I'm afraid I can't, I can't be separated from Ji Yan." I said as I walked in front of her, my hand grabbed her hand, and I hugged her.I hugged this girl who disguised herself as strong and brave in medieval armor-like clothes, and I stroked her long bundled hair with warm fingers. "Sister," she finally called me, "didn't you teach me to be cruel to everything and harden my heart? Didn't you teach me not to be emotional? But you, why can't you do it?" She lay docilely in my arms, and she asked me hysterically.I actually said such things to her, how long ago, why do I not remember at all?How many crazy and vicious words did that girl with her hair burn like before say?

Dear sister, everything was indeed like this before reuniting with Ji Yan.I was indeed fierce and condescending to others.At that time, I felt that all emotions in the world could not move me.But I met Ji Yan again.Whether we are hostile or in love, we are so implicated and inseparable.He made me believe in God, he made me believe in love.God, my dear sister, can you believe it?It was as if I had returned to the days of a little girl, only looking forward to a future with him! We are still hugging each other tightly.She subsided in my arms, not saying a word but sobbing one after another. That day Tang Xiao and I hugged each other and slept on the narrow bed in our dormitory.She soon fell asleep.She was still very excited in the dream, she gritted her teeth and frowned and cried.I put her head in my arms and watched her struggle in her dream.I think she still has so much pain at the moment, but she will get better soon, and she will be that bright and beautiful Tang Xiao like jasper again.

The next morning I rushed to the art store next to the school to buy paints—I planned to take them with me and use them when I returned to Licheng.I stepped on the sun spots that penetrated through the dense branches and leaves, and I felt more comfortable than ever.I couldn't help but start guessing about Duan Xiaomu's life.I have a strange curiosity about her, I want to know, how does she live?Would she really hear the sound of my speaking and breathing in her ears? Ji Yan said that she has been a Christian since she was six years old——I finally understood that the chattering voice that began to appear in my ears at the age of six turned out to be her prayers.I suddenly wanted to know, what was her life like as a believer?

When I returned to the dormitory, I found the door was wide open - I guess Tang Xiao had already left.I feel a little disappointed, I don't know what will happen to her next time when I return to Luocheng again?I hurt her love, how long will it take for her to recover from this illness?I think I have to come back from Licheng soon, and I want to accompany her through this heartbreaking time, just as she also accompanied me through many dark days. But when I walked into the dormitory, I realized that was not the case.That's not the case at all - Tang Xiao didn't leave, but had visitors.

Wearing a dark blue T-shirt and a pair of Levi's jeans, a figure in a water red dress is superimposed on the back.He was a head taller than her, and he poked his head down and kissed her.She closed her eyes shallowly, her eyelashes blinking drunkenly.He has a touch of tenderness, and a little child's comforted satisfaction.The curtains were drawn in the room, and the wind blew in gently, tentatively blowing the curtains open, blowing his hair and the corners of her skirt.They are indifferent, so absorbed. The sun spread evenly on them, and I stood in the shadows where the sun didn't reach.

What an embarrassing scene.My lover Ji Yan and my cousin Tang Xiao are kissing.I stood by the door unnoticed, and I thought I had enough time to decide whether to go in or just leave. It was ten o'clock in the morning, and I turned around and ran out in a panic. Tubes of paint were scattered on the stairs. Like a crazy animal before the end, I ran instinctively, just knowing, run, run. I was walking on the streets of Luocheng, carrying an empty bag of paint in my hand, and the wind kept blowing up.I was like the girl Jenny in the fairy tale, who was sent out by her mother to buy bagels, but she met a puppy, who took all the bagels away. She was standing in the middle of the bright street with an empty bag in her hand.The fierce sunshine hits down, and there is nowhere to hide the sadness.

I remembered a story told by a female writer I liked. There was a ferocious wild dog that attacked other animals everywhere for food.Later it met a kind and beautiful woman, she adopted it and fed it delicious food.The dog loved this woman very much, and he was very gentle in her presence.But the beautiful woman said to the dog, I don't like your teeth, they frighten me.The dog was very sad and didn't know what to do.The woman said, I will pull out all your teeth, and I will take care of you for the rest of my life.In order to win the favor of the hostess, the dog agreed.So all the teeth in the dog's mouth were pulled out.But soon the woman fell ill and died. A dog is a dog without teeth, how should it live? This story is very similar to the story between me and Ji Yan.I am like that wild dog, I have my own rules of survival, at least I can guarantee my own safety.However, Ji Yan domesticated me, and he persuaded me to pull out all my teeth and give up my weapons.But in the end he left me, regardless of my life or death.I took his word for it, and I unarmed myself for attack.I believed in the god he pointed to me, and he and I stood side by side and prayed like devout believers. But everything is a lie, this is just a persuasion, not a love.This is what a policeman does in order to persuade a criminal to surrender. It is completely a show, omitting the truth. I lost the barrier that used to protect me, the hard shell was peeled off layer by layer, like a clam, when it exposed the softest body, you gave it the most brutal blow. In the evening, I was still wandering the streets.What should I do? So, in fact, the bereaved dog is not sad, the sad thing is, this is a bereaved dog who has lost a mouth full of teeth. Touching the pocket of his jeans, he suddenly found a small card.I took it out - Ji Yan gave me the train ticket to Licheng tonight.I hesitated for a while, and suddenly stopped a taxi, got in, and told it to drive to the train station. I don't know why, but I got on the train back to Licheng.It has been 14 years, or even longer, and I have not set foot in that city.I left it far away, ran away, and never thought of going back.But at the most desperate moment, a sudden urge to go back and see the city where Ji Yan and I first met.The place that gave me the darkest memories suddenly became the softest place in my heart, better than Luocheng, Luocheng has become a sad city, and I just want to leave quickly. On the night train, I saw the little lovers cuddling together, and I thought of the happiness that I thought was within reach. But actually my happiness is so far away. I sat on the hard seat and waited for the increasing wind to blow all my hair and completely cover my eyes. But I can still see that the boy and girl on the opposite side are sharing an apple.She made a fuss and bit his finger.He looked at her with indulgence and compassion. I think of Ji Yan and I, we rarely have such warm moments when we get along.We have been in love in a kind of struggle, always violent, - I killed in front of him, he locked me in the church, I inserted glass into my body in front of him... There is hardly a moment when you can calm down, look at each other, and feed each other a piece of fruit.How I regret it now.If, if I can take back my murderous behavior, Ji Yan, can I fully get your love? Oh, Ji Yan, have you ever really loved me?Was it just a pure exhortation, you never got into character?Are those diaries fake too? It was midnight when I jumped off the train back to Licheng.There are only few stars in the sky.This was the city I used to live in, and it still retains my familiar atmosphere, which I can distinguish, it is a familiar atmosphere, very familiar, as if I have never left. The road has completely changed its appearance.But many shops are still old buildings - I guess I walked on an old street.Houses large and small are sleeping under the indigo sky, as if you can hear them breathing that old buildings. They are so peaceful and different from all the buildings in Luocheng.I think I should really find a town like this, a town with a slow speed, stop there, and paint the scenes or people I like by myself.For example, this old building, such as the exceptionally clear sky here.I kept walking, I kept walking, I guessed where my kindergarten and former home might be, and I thought I might be able to pick them out of other buildings soon. I suddenly had a very strong desire to go to my kindergarten.I'm going to see it, I'm going to touch that swing, I'm going to go back to where it all started, and I think if I go back there, it'll all go away. I am no longer afraid now, I am no longer afraid of the kindergarten where the devil lurks, the murder swing.Now I have nothing to fear.I finally understand that the reason I have always been afraid in my heart is because I still have expectations in my heart.Looking forward to being able to fight out of the swampy past, and looking forward to having good things ahead as compensation for me.It turns out that in my heart God lives. I have been praying all the time. I pray that he will take away my painful past, and I pray that he will give me a new heaven and a new earth. The disheartened girl finally had nothing to pray for.She wanted to return to the place she fled calmly.Ashes to dust, dust to dust. finally found.Closed cold drink shop, at the intersection, turn left.finally found. When I fumbled for the door of the kindergarten, I suddenly cried like a baby.There are too many grievances, and for too long, they have been entangled in my growth bit by bit.Childhood, how I wish I could take out many, many things in exchange for a beautiful childhood. No one will know that childhood is a huge stone labyrinth. Over the years, I have tried my best, but I still can't get out.I've cried, I've beaten, I've been desperate to learn to fly or punch holes.Ah, this maze, it's stuck with me, and I can't be a normal girl anyway. Here I am standing now, this is where I started when I was six years old.At that time, my eyes were completely bright and clear, and the little girl in the ruffled lace skirt had no idea what was waiting for her ahead.She started from here, but after fourteen years, she discovered that she had never walked out of here.She always dreamed of this swing, flying up and down from the bottom of her heart.She overwhelmed fear and remorse with a heavy resentment.She can't repent, she can only take up her weapon and make efforts to break through the maze time and time again. Fourteen years later, I'm still where I am. This was once my beloved gate.It has become so run down.Since I left, how many times has it been painted? It is still my favorite animals, my favorite giraffe, apricot-eyed deer, shy hedgehog, all of them, because Dead with too much paint, completely shriveled, cracked, crumbled, and no longer able to attract any passing kids. I caressed it, under the moonlight I saw my favorite giraffe, its orange neck was covered with layers of skin, iron skin, when my hand slipped over, it was easily scratched .Is it even resenting me? This time the departure is so long, fourteen years. I cry like a baby who doesn't know what's going on in the world.I have never cried like this before, and my whole heart and lungs are twisted. I walked to the swing step by step.The moonlight has already paved a milky white road, reaching the front of the swing.My swing, under the breeze of summer night, raised a meaningful smile.It has been waiting for me under the moon for a long time. Swings used to be my favorite thing as a child, but I haven't been on any swing since I was 6 years old.Even amusement parks I rarely go to.Because there I must see many happy children swinging on the swings, how afraid I am of the flying swings, just like the roof of the room I live in, I will be caught like a mouse hiding in the dark In the world, there is nowhere to hide.At that time, I didn't know if I would rush up madly and push a girl who looked like Duan Xiaomu off the swing. …I stood in front of it, right in front of it, and watched it drive towards me back and forth, and retreat again, always keeping an insurmountable distance from me.I am so much taller than fourteen years ago, it already looks so small in front of me.Like a toy, I can completely destroy it - if fourteen years ago I was unable to destroy it, then now, I can completely do so.It was old too, and seemed shriveled with age, like a wrinkled old lady. I can't express my relationship with this swing.I used to feel that it drove me: it watched my evil thoughts swell and swell quietly from beginning to end, and then it watched here leisurely, until my desire finally ignited me-it gave a slight hint at the side It helped me, so it became my tool, it cooperated with me, and it completed that thing.It helped me do that by creeping up when I was at my most furious and hysterical.It was the one who had been enchanted, and it used this incident to control me, and it could manipulate me for many years to come. Don't make any more sense with me. At this moment, I am already a crazy patient. I think it is magical, and I have been fooled by it. I ran over and yanked at its iron chains with both hands, trying to break them.I want to destroy it, I want to destroy it, not because it is any evidence, but because it has always been a monster.I want to eradicate it!I kicked its wooden board with both feet, and pulled its iron chain with both hands, once or twice, constantly.His hands started to bleed, and his legs and feet lost strength, but it still stood there firmly, dangling around like a ghost.I can't bring myself to stop, I want to kill it. I actually never forgave myself, for childhood things.Although I have used many reasons to numb myself: I am a persecuted person, Duan Xiaomu is a devil, I must save myself...all these are excuses, used to numb myself, so as not to let myself fall into boundless regret. On this night, the girl finally returned to the city where the cold war lasted for fourteen years.She returned to the former place and found the swing that had been haunting her heart in the past years in her dream.She decided it was the demon that had been driving her, and she wanted to get rid of it, even though nothing could be changed.With deep guilt for things she's done in the past, and a broken heart from a newly lost love, she fights a swing in the dead of night.She kicked it, hit it, and cried.It didn't show weakness, it swung back and hit her leg hard, it scratched her with the blunt and rough iron chain... The girl kept kicking and kicking the swing, weeping in grievance, until an unusually gentle voice called her softly: "Wan Wan?" She turned around with tears all over her face, and she saw a girl on crutches with a pair of eyes that could see everything about her, standing in a moonlight without shadows.