Chapter 20 18.grown up necklace

That day, on the road, I had glass inserted into my arm, and I lost consciousness for a long time afterwards. When I awoke I was lying on a sun-bathed hospital bed.It seems that many people have been here, and there are several bouquets of flowers, perfume lilies, and gerbera on the bedside.It's just too coquettish, and the strong fragrance makes me breathless. My right arm couldn't move, it was bound tightly like a captive animal, it couldn't move, it couldn't breathe.I think of the scene before I passed out, is that me?That ferocious lunatic who grabs the glass and stabs it in.I thought the injured person wasn't me, I thought it was Duan Xiaomu.I'm going to kill again.I'm murdering her again.When I inserted the glass, I was even full of pleasure. I happily thought that this time I won.But what happened to me?I tried to harm her at all costs, and even took myself as the price.

I knew it was Ji Yan who sent me to the hospital.Because my bleeding body was held up and down, I was rushed to the hospital.In fact, I am very afraid of Ji Yan, really, I am very afraid of him.Because he has the power to disturb me and make me repent.I'm even more afraid of him than Duan Xiaomu.I can take some measures against Duan Xiaomu and fight back with my strength, but I can't against Ji Yan.I am an out-and-out weakling in front of him.I never felt that I owed Duan Xiaomu anything, but I felt that I owed Ji Yan a lot, and I was destined to be controlled by him. Not long after I woke up, the door was slowly pushed open.It was Ji Yan who came in.He put his hands in his pockets, and swung, swung, and swung toward me.I seem to remember the first time I saw him, he appeared in front of me as a negative and decadent drummer. At that time, I was full of affection for him. I thought he was a sensitive and sad rabbit-like gentle boy. .At that time, I actually had the desire to be close to him, and wanted to be led by him to see the kind of wet life with piglets and goldfish and surrounded by aquatic plants in his novels.

But at this moment I looked at him with terrified eyes, and his shadow gradually covered my whole body—he had an Adam's apple, a beard, and a strong manly aura, and he was no longer a child. He stood for a long time before he said: "you're awake." Then he said: "Don't hurt your body like this again." I finally burst into tears.He went on to say: "Don't be afraid of me, I just hope you can calm down and understand that no one wants to hurt you on purpose. Duan Xiaomu loves you very much." I turned my head away and ignored him, why did I want him to come in my heart?But when I heard the name Duan Xiaomu, I couldn't restrain my anger.

"Duan Xiaomu's heart disease is getting more and more serious. She should have undergone heart surgery a long time ago, but because she couldn't find you, she couldn't have the surgery for a long time. Do you know why?" students. I turned to look at him.He went on: "She asked the doctor if the operation was painful. The doctor said it was painful. She refused, because she said that you would also feel the pain, which she didn't want, so she said she must find you and begged for your consent. , if you don't agree, she will never have surgery." I moved slightly with my back to his body.I still can't believe these words of Ji Yan, although it is not easy to remain unmoved by his sincerity.Because in these days, after Ji Yan re-entered my life, I have been wondering.I can't be clear about Ji Yan's position. In these years, I think, how many days did Ji Yan spend with Duan Xiaomu?It should be many, many.There is a little figure she gave him hanging on his schoolbag.He is wholeheartedly partial to her, so he may deceive me in order to help Duan Xiaomu and avenge Duan Xiaomu.How sad I am if that is the case.I hope that Ji Yan should love me, love me, and help me like when he found me crying on the swing in the kindergarten yard at night when he was six years old.But now, everything is uncertain, things are different, who can understand whose heart?

Ji Yan could see that I didn't believe him.He didn't speak again.Suddenly he took something out of his pocket, and then he slowly moved his hand to my left hand.I turned my head and saw that it was a string of colorful beads.The colorful beads are small and old, with many colors and miscellaneous colors, which look very outdated.He puts it around my neck: "These are the beads you threw from the swing when you were six years old. I promised to give it to you when I was dressed, but you left soon. I didn't have time to give it to you." I looked at the beads carefully , After a long time, I shook my head, then shook my head again, and gave him a very distant smile:

"Ji Yan, you are lying. These are not the beads of that year. At that time, I picked up very few beads, and they could barely wrap around my neck. But now my neck is so much thicker than then, why? Maybe this chain is just right?" Ji Yan stood there without any explanation.Just looking at me with a serious and serious smile. "Did the necklace grow up by itself?" I suddenly couldn't help laughing.He laughed too. Suddenly Tang Xiao pushed the door open and came in.She came in so suddenly without knocking. I hastily pulled up the quilt covering my body and hid the chain around my neck inside.Tang Xiao had already walked over at this time, she probably didn't see the ridiculous necklace on my neck, she walked over and looked at Ji Yan with a smile and said:

"Ji Yan, you're here too." As she spoke, she lifted her toes childishly, patted the top of Ji Yan's head, then moved her face closer and kissed Ji Yan's cheek.Ji Yan's body shook slightly, and I felt my heart shake too. Ji Yan answered her, and put the hand that put the necklace on me back into the pocket of the windbreaker.He turned and walked towards the door without turning his head, and without saying goodbye, he just left. Only Tang Xiao and I were left in the ward, and Tang Xiao had lost the smile on his face.She moved a chair and sat on the edge of my bed, just looking at me motionless.Neither of us spoke until dusk.

For the next three days, Ji Yan did not come.Tang Xiao came every evening after class.She sat facing me like this, she was in a daze, expressionless, like a princess possessed by a demon, only her eyelashes flickered, as if tears were about to fall next time.We still don't say a word.Finally, at dusk on the third day, she sat like this again, with my eyes closed, but she knew I was not asleep.She suddenly spoke abruptly: "Has Ji Yan visited you in the past few days?" The cold voice seemed to be a different person. "No, what's the matter?" After I said this, I realized that my tone was very anxious, and Tang Xiao must be keenly aware that I cared about Ji Yan very much.

"Oh, it's nothing. He hasn't been to class for the past three days, nor has he been to the band." Tang Xiao said lightly, as if it had nothing to do with her.But after she finished speaking, her eyes kept staring at my face to see my expression. I think she must have seen my uneasiness and anxiety. Ji Yan finally came on the afternoon of the fourth day.He is very tired.He said he went to see Duan Xiaomu, then he approached me and started calling the lost lamb again: "Did you know? Duan Xiaomu is different from you. You hurt your arm, but you will be sent to the hospital immediately for treatment. You don't have to do anything. You have nothing to worry about lying in the hospital now, and you are safe But do you know how much trouble your willfulness and savagery have brought to Duan Xiaomu? She can't even walk without her right hand. She needs to support herself, but she can't do anything now. Are you going to kill her? ?”

He is very excited.I was forced to shrink into a corner of the bed by these words.I think that's where he stands.Duan Xiaomu is the girl he cherishes, and Duan Xiaomu is the girl he loves.He doesn't allow me, a fierce girl, to hurt her.I felt how isolated I was, as if the whole world was standing with Duan Xiaomu, and the world was in a trance.I remember that Ji Yan was still in this position three days ago, putting the necklace on for me.He also lied tenderly—for whatever reason—that I had thrown away the necklace when I was six.But now, after he met Duan Xiaomu, he completely changed.So I struggled again to get my fierceness out of my heart, and put on my face again:

"Yeah, I just wanted to kill her, have you forgotten? I wanted to kill her when I was six years old. This is my dream all the time." He softened again.Because I can tell by his eyebrows.His eyebrows are as straight as the Chinese character "一".When he is soft-hearted towards me, his eyebrows will be brought together between his brows, and the tip of his eyebrows will be raised, looking very regretful and heartbroken.I have already recognized this appearance.I could see him when he released me from the cobwebbed church, when he saw me insert glass into my body, when he sat by my hospital bed and put the necklace on me Eyebrows like this.It is in this expression that he often shows that I judge that he still has love for me.This sounds funny, Du Wanwan is full of hostility and guard against the whole world, but how can I believe him just by his eyebrows? Ji Yan stood up suddenly, straightened my curled up legs, and then covered me with the quilt: "You guys are so similar. When I saw Duan Xiaomu the other day, she was in the same posture, but she was drenched by heavy rain, and there were not as many flowers beside you. You are luckier than her." He paused, then said: "After you recover this time, you must go see Duan Xiaomu with me." There was no discussion in his tone.He seemed confident that I would follow his orders.I no longer have the ability to resist his orders.I will stop talking.The two people gradually became peaceful, and there was no hatred and resentment between them for the time being.Just sit like this and think about your own things. Afterwards I fell asleep drowsily, this time there was no nightmare, presumably I knew that Ji Yan had been sitting by my bed and did not leave. In the evening, with a bang, Tang Xiao pushed the door open and entered, and I woke up with a start.Ji Yan was still sitting by my bed, it was completely dark, and I saw his blue shadow in the night straight and slightly sad. Tang Xiao rushed to my bedside, and I saw her clearly.She is very well dressed today.It's a new dress that I haven't seen before.A rose-purple silk satin skirt with a long middle and short sides, and a white and purple shirt with a navy collar on top.The hair has just been curled, and the brown curly hair hits the navy collar softly, which is more moving than Barbie this season.But Tang Xiao looked exhausted.She was clearly not in a happy state. "Didn't you agree to join the afternoon camp this morning? Why don't you go if you don't say anything?" Tang Xiao was referring to the school's annual autumn camp, and the bonfire party at night, where boys and girls would dance wildly. "A temporary decision, I don't want to go." Ji Yan said flatly without looking back. "How could you do this? Have you been staying here this afternoon?" Tang Xiao was so angry that she had lost her usual elegance and shouted. "Yeah, I didn't like that camping and party, so I came here." Ji Yan's reasonable tone angered Tang Xiao even more: "You're talking nonsense! You're only thinking about her!" Tang Xiao pointed his finger at me.Suddenly, as if I had become a woman who had been caught having an affair, I hurriedly raised my head and glanced at Ji Yan, who was smiling slightly and didn't mind.Is that so?In order to guard me, Ji Yan missed the camping and bonfire party.Frankly speaking, this is something that moved me. Subconsciously, I hope that what Tang Xiao said is true, even though it does hurt Tang Xiao. As for Tang Xiao, I felt very sensitively that she was already very unfriendly to me.In her words, she had replaced the word "my sister" with the word "she".For a long time, she didn't use the word "sister" that she used to say often. I didn't say a word during their quarrel, I suddenly saw Tang Xiao who was in a panic, and I became afraid.I've always been so casually angry at her, but all these years, I've never felt sorry, and now, I'm somehow filled with guilt.Suddenly, I can tolerate her losing any temper and allow her to say all kinds of cruel words.I suddenly felt that she was very similar to me. She used to be cute and pretty like me when I was young, but now she has become as violent and cruel as I am now.The fear in my heart stems from a kind of panic. I was thinking that even a docile person like Tang Xiao has become fierce. There will no longer be docile people in this world, and people all over the world will be as vile as me And there is no cure.How terrible. Stalemate, terrible stalemate.In the ward, between the resentful girl and the boy who possessed her. Finally, Tang Xiao finally said: "Ji Yan, I have something to tell you! I'll wait for you outside the door." The door slammed shut. Ji Yan temporarily stood by my side without moving.We were face to face, eye to eye.Suddenly Ji Yan laughed: "Seeing her so angry, I think she looks more and more like you." "She likes you so much that she has a fever and got sick." I went on to say, I think Tang Xiao changed because her affection was not reciprocated by Ji Yan, and she could no longer be safe, she started to jump up, Try to grab and grab with your own hands. "Really?" Ji Yan said, worrying about gain and loss, "Then what should I do?" "Don't come to see me anymore, get along well with Tang Xiao. That's it, everyone is happy." I sat up, put the pillow behind my back, leaned against it weakly, and told him this solution that I think is the best . "Does it have to be like this?" Ji Yan's tone suddenly became very weak, and there was a sadness in his brown eyes that I couldn't let go of. "I have to." I said firmly, "I don't want to bring up the matter about Duan Xiaomu again. I think it's better for the two of us not to interfere with each other. I won't go back to see her, unless you inform me and I'm forced to go back." "You know I won't do that!" Ji Yan said loudly, my unreasonableness made him angry, "If I want to report you, why wait until today?" Ji Yan stood up abruptly, opened the door and went out.His final movements were desperate and discouraged.This made me believe that he really gave up the idea of ​​taking me to see Duan Xiaomu. It was quiet in the room, not in the corridor.I heard Tang Xiao arguing fiercely with Ji Yan, and after a while, Ji Yan's voice disappeared, only a female voice was like scissors, cutting through the peaceful and serene night. Sure enough, Ji Yan never came to visit me after that, neither did Tang Xiao.Only my mother, holding some milky chicken soup, gently knocked on the door of the room at dusk.I sleep in a hospital bed with a view out of the window, and I can finally stop and think about these things in the last days of autumn. For a long time, I seemed to be running fast, and someone was chasing me, and I couldn't breathe.I run to escape, to escape the shadows that hang over me. Whether Ji Yan's words are true or not, it is an amazing thing.Duan Xiaomu, does she have the same sense of touch as me?Can she feel the warmth and pain in different places at the same time as me? I have to admit, I was drawn to her stunning eyes in the photo.Maybe others see those eyes and feel that they are normal, but I can feel that they are a kind of gaze that was born to look at me, that is to say, it is like a language that only I can understand, shining brightly It actually illuminated my dark forehead.