Chapter 3 3. I have a dream

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. — Eve Taylor A woman chooses writing as a career, Most of it is to give myself a class in the patriarchal society. —Erica Joan I am such a person. To my parents, I am a heartless little villain (I learned to run away proudly with a handful of lollipops at the age of 5), and to teachers or former magazine leaders and colleagues, I am I'm an unreasonably smart guy (professional, moody, can guess the end of any movie or story just by watching the beginning), and to many men, I'm a pretty sweetie (with a pair of Japanese Girls in cartoons have big eyes and a long neck like Coco Chanel).In my own eyes, I am a very bad girl, although one day I may become a famous woman, but I can't push it away.

When my great-grandmother was still alive, she often said, "The fate of a person is like a kite string. One end is on the ground and the other end is in the sky. No one can escape this fate." it is good." She is a white-haired, small old man who sits in a rocking chair all day long like a ball of white thread. It is said that many people believe that she has special psychic abilities. She once successfully predicted the magnitude 3 earthquake in Shanghai in 1987. , also accurately announced her death date to her family 3 days before her death.Her picture still hangs on the walls of my parents' house, and they think she continues to bless the family.It was also my great-grandmother who predicted that I would become a talented woman who dances with words and ink. The Wenqu star shines on my head, and the ink fills my stomach. She said that I will eventually come out on top.

In college, I often wrote letters to some of my crushes, and those love letters were full of emotion, which almost made me win.The character stories I wrote in the magazine are like novels with twists and turns and beautiful language, so that the real often becomes fake, and the fake becomes real. After finally realizing that all I was doing was wasting my writing genius, I quit that high-paying job, and my parents despaired of me again because of it. of. "Is your child born by me? Why do you always have horns on your head and thorns on your feet? What do you think you are tossing and tossing for?" Mom said.She is a soft and haggard woman who spends her life ironing her husband's shirts and finding a way for her daughter to be happy. She cannot accept premarital sex, and she will never tolerate girls wearing tight T-shirts without bras on purpose Showing the shape of the nipples.

"One day you will realize that the most important thing for a person to live in the world is stability and steadfastness. Eileen Chang also said that stability is the foundation of life." Dad said, he knew that I liked Eileen Chang.My father is a slightly chubby professor of history who likes to smoke cigars and likes to talk to young people. .He was always worried that I would be cheated by perverts when I grew up. He said that I was the most important baby in his life. I should treat men carefully and not cry for men. "Our ideas are so different, there are 100 generation gaps. We still respect each other, don't force it. Anyway, it's useless. I'm 25 years old, and I want to be a writer. Although this profession is quite outdated now, but I'm going to make writing cool and trendy," I said.

After meeting Tian Tian, ​​I decided to move out, and there was another uproar at home, which could overturn the Pacific Ocean. "I can't do anything about you. Whether it's good or bad, you'll have to wait and see. Let's just pretend that I didn't raise you as a child." Mom almost screamed, with the expression of being punched hard on her face. "You've made your mother sad," said Dad, "and I've been disappointed too. A girl like you will suffer in the end. Hearing that the boy's family is weird and his father died inexplicably, is he normal? , is it reliable?"

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing," I said.Soon I was gone with a toothbrush, some clothes, some records and a case of books. On the floor in front of the record player was amber sunlight, like spilled Scotch.After a group of well-dressed Americans left, the coffee shop returned to silence, and Lao Yang kept making phone calls in his office and bedroom.The spider is lounging by the window, eating a leftover chocolate muffin (he does this all the time to show his animal-like ability to survive), the road with plane trees outside the window, the city view in summer Green and shiny inside, like a mood in a European movie.

"CoCo, what do you do when you're bored?" He asked without thinking. "When you're bored, of course, when you can't do anything, what else can you do?" I said, "It's like now." "I was also bored last night. I chose to chat online, and it was very cool to chat with 10 people at the same time." Then I noticed his semicircular dark circles floating on his face like two spoon marks. "I met a person named Meier. She doesn't look like the kind of man who disguises herself as a woman. She says she is beautiful, but she is still a virgin."

"At this time, virgins are also crazy, you know that?" I laughed.In any case, the girl had a thick skin when she said this. "I think Meier's words are cool," he didn't laugh. "I found that our life ideals are surprisingly similar. We both want to make a fortune and travel around the world." "Sounds like a couple from Natural Born Killers," I said curiously. "So, how do you make money?" "Opening a shop, robbing a bank, making a chicken or a duck can do it all." He spoke boldly, half truth and half false. "I have a plan right now," he leaned over and whispered a few words in my ear, which shocked me a lot, "No, this won't work, you're crazy." I shook my head repeatedly.

This kid actually wants to join hands with me to steal money from the store.After observing, he found that Lao Yang put the money in a mini safe every night, and deposited it in the bank after a month.He has a friend who specializes in breaking all kinds of safes. His plan is to invite that professional thief to collude with the inside and outside. The illusion of shoplifting. The date has also been fixed, next Tuesday is Spider's birthday, and it coincides with him and I working the night shift, he will invite Lao Yang to drink on the grounds of celebrating his birthday, and make Lao Yang dizzy.

The words of the spider made me nervous and even had mild stomach cramps. "Don't dream, forget about that, think of something else to divert your attention, hey, wouldn't it be that Meier's idea?" "Hush!" He signaled to me that Lao Yang had finished making the phone call and came this way.I kept my mouth shut, lest I reveal a little bit of the plot just now. The store door was pushed open, and I saw Tian Tian walk in.My stomach felt a burst of warmth, he was wearing a gray shirt and black corduroy pants, holding a book in his hand, his hair was a little long and messy, his eyes were a little nearsighted and a little wet, his lips were a little smiling and a little cold, it was almost my sweet The standard image of a lover.

"Husband is here, you can be happy if you are happy." Lao Yang took the opportunity to boo, speaking Shanghai dialect with a Pingtan accent.He is actually a simple, kind and nice guy. He said so every day, and my expression became stiff. I walked over with a cappuccino coffee and gently held his hand. "There are still 45 minutes, I'll wait for you to get off work." He looked at his watch and whispered. "The spider must be crazy about money." I said angrily.On the opposite wall was a print of my exaggerated arms.Candles were lit on the small round table, and Tian Tian and I sat by the table, playing backgammon on the Go board. "Once a person with a high IQ has the idea of ​​committing a crime, it is really worse than getting rabies. They will use computers to steal money from banks, use electronic explosives to destroy planes and ships, kill people with invisible knives, and create plagues and tragedies. l999 If there is a doomsday , I believe it is caused by these top weirdos." "You lost, I will pull 3 and punch 4." Responsibly reminded me Tiantian pointed at the chessboard. "Smartness is a kind of talent, and madness is a kind of instinct, but if you use these things utilitarianly, it will be wrong." My desire to speak has just been suspended at the moment, "In the end, smart people will fall into more embarrassing situations than stupid people .Recently, I feel that Lotte has a particularly quiet atmosphere, and I can hear the sound even when I blink my eyelids. The reason is that some kind of murderous intention is lurking, and my premonition is not very good." "Then leave that place and go home to write." Tiantian said simply. Every time he said the word "go home" it always came naturally.This three-bedroom residence, this place full of fermented fruit, burnt cigarette butts, French perfume, alcohol, books, music, and endless fantasies, has become as tight as a cloud from the Witch Forest. Clinging to us, lingering, floating lightly.In fact, it is a more fateful and real space than home. It has nothing to do with blood, but it is closely related to love, soul, joy, sixth sense, law of temptation, flying with no clear purpose, etc. couplet. Come home, now is the time to get down to business.Start writing, leading to the end of the journey of dreams and love.Use flawless narration to complete beautiful novels one after another. In the opening, suspense, climax, and ending of the story, you are clever and sensational, and you stand on top of the world and sing loudly like the best singer in the world. A hand clutches the thought across my mind.Every day I want to promise him that I will call Lao Yang to resign tomorrow. "Okay." I said.Quitting a job, leaving a person, throwing away a thing, this act of betrayal is almost an instinct of life for a girl like me, so easy.Drift from one goal to another, drill hard and stay alive. "From the first time I saw you in Lotte, I felt that you were born to be a writer." Tiantian further stimulated my vanity, "Your eyes are complicated, your voice is very emotional, you Been watching the customers in the store, and once I heard you and the spider discussing existentialism and witchcraft." I hugged him tenderly, and his words were like a caress, which could give me happiness that other men could not.It's often like this, listening to his voice, looking at his eyes and lips, I will suddenly feel a wave of heat in my lower body, and I will be soaked instantly. "What else, say something more, I want to hear." I kissed the root of his ear, begging. "Also... and you will never be seen through by people. Maybe people who are suitable to be writers have some split personalities, that is to say, they are a little unreliable." "What are you worried about?" I asked strangely, moving my lips away from his ear. Shaking his head every day, "I love you." He said, hugging me gently, putting his head on my shoulder, I could feel his eyelashes trembling slightly on my neck, triggering a burst of velvet in my heart tenderness.One hand slowly pressed against my belly, and the other touched his hip. We stood facing each other, saw ourselves in the mirror, and saw our reflection in the water. The colorful skin is dimmed in the night.He fell asleep, bent into an S shape on the bed, and I hugged him from behind, groggy.Yes, his stubbornness and weakness have always troubled me like a mystery. I feel that I have a responsibility for him for no reason, and I also have a dream-like loss. In fact, on the day of Spider's birthday, nothing happened in Lotte's Cafe, no professional thief showed up, no safe disappeared, no conspiracy, not even a fly came to disturb the door. Lao Yang was still counting money, supervising work, making phone calls, and taking a nap as usual.The new waitress was just as good at her job as I was, and the cunning spider left Lotte shortly thereafter, disappearing for a moment, vaporizing like a tiny bubble. My attention turned to writing, and the long road of women writers lay at my feet, and I had no time for other things.The first thing to do is to get on the hotline with your own soul, waiting for the story and characters to come quietly in the silence like a mental hospital.Staring at me like a foreman every day, urging me to write a real magic book with the magic power of the little witch.This has also become the focus of his life now. He became fond of going to the supermarket to shop.Like our parents, we push the trolley and carefully buy daily necessities and food in the Dingdingxian supermarket."Don't buy chocolate and popcorn," health experts say, but we all love them. At home, I spread out the snow-white manuscript paper and look in a small mirror from time to time to see if my face has the wisdom and extraordinary temperament of a writer.Walking around the house softly every day, pouring me "Suntory" soda, making me fruit salad with "Mom's Choice" salad milk, and "Dove" dark chocolate for inspiration, record selection is a bit exciting But put it away without distraction, adjust the temperature of the air conditioner, there are dozens of boxes of Seven Star cigarettes on the huge writing desk, piled up neatly like a wall, as well as books and thick manuscript paper.I don't know how to use a computer yet, and I don't plan to learn. There is a long list of book titles that have already been thought of. The ideal work should have both deep ideological connotations and best-selling sexy clothes. My instinct tells me that I should write about Shanghai at the end of the century, a city of fun and pleasure, its bubbles of happiness, the new human beings it breeds, and the mundane, sad and mysterious atmosphere permeating the streets and alleys.This is a unique oriental city. Since the 1930s, it has continued the culture of Chinese and Western intermingling and evolution, and now it has entered the second wave of Westernization.Tiantian once used an English word "Post Colonial" (post-colonial) to describe it. The guests in Lotte Coffee Shop who speak various languages ​​always remind me of the old-fashioned salon with the gorgeous style of Daxing. Time and space change, as if once cross-country travel. After I write a paragraph of text that I think is good, I will read it emotionally to Tiantian. "Dear CoCo, I said you can do it. You are different from others. You can create another real world with a pen, which is more real than the one around you. Here..." He grabbed my hand and put it on his I feel the rhythm of his heartbeat on my left chest. "I promise you will be inspired here," he said.He'd buy me unexpected presents, as if spending money on trinkets that were pretty and useless was a pleasure. And I would rather just have him, how can I wait until the day when he uses his body as a gift? The deeper the love, the more painful the body. One night, I had an erotic dream.In the dream, I was entangled naked with a blindfolded man, with limbs intertwined, hugging and dancing like a squishy eight-legged octopus. I wake up to a favorite acid jazz track. I felt a little ashamed of that dream, and then I thought of a question, what kind of premonition is I falling into every day?He pays more attention to my writing than I myself, almost paranoid, maybe writing can really be like a powerful aphrodisiac, nourishing the irrational but undoubtedly flawed love between us?Does it carry God's blessing with a mission?Or, it will be the other way around... Who knows, people do multiple-choice questions with various ideas, sometimes they get points, sometimes they lose points. I thought about it, turned around and hugged Tiantian, he woke up immediately, his face could feel the humidity on my face, he didn't ask or say anything, there was a hand gently stroking my body, no one taught him How to do it, but he did let me fly into the sky in that suffocating way, like a sword swaying, like a soul flying away, don't cry, don't talk about separation, I just want to fly, fly to the end of the night, Life is short and spring dreams without trace, you have no reason not to let me be so intoxicated.