Home Categories youth city The Summer Solstice Has Not Arrived (2010 Revised Edition)

Chapter 14 Chapter.forever 2005 Summer Solstice Ending

Things we thought happened never happened Those we thought we loved loved us forever. Many times, walking in the streets of Asakawa overgrown with camphor, I will recall Asakawa ten years ago.At that time, I was just a freshman in high school, and I was still a young girl with ideals and longings, but now, I am a wife.She should be a mother soon. Every night, Qingtian would go out for a walk with me, and the twilight that shared the evening was exactly the same as it was ten years ago.Many times, I suspect that Asakawa is a paradise. When the outside world is turned upside down, here, no matter ten years or a hundred years, it will always be summer covered with the shadow of camphor.

Hot temps, lots of sunshine. The ring on her hand has also become a small and delicate platinum wedding ring.The silver ring that Qingtian helped me make at the beginning has been put in a box with his one by us. One day in the future, we will leave it to our sons or daughters and tell them that their parents found happiness in this way. . Sometimes when I woke up in the morning sunshine, I wondered in a daze, did the stories that happened in the past ten years really happen? I rarely recall Duan Qiao. Only in the lonely dusk, or when the seasons change, watching those two groups of wild geese flying past, I will vaguely remember the appearance of Duan Qiao.Big eyes, straight nose, and two dimples at the corners of the mouth.They say that boys with dimples are good at talking sweetly, but I don't even remember what nice things Duan Qiao said to me.

Time covers our lives as easily as water. The only thing I remember about Duan Qiao is the story about the angel.I remember that I once said to Duan Qiao that I thought Qingtian was the angel in my life, who would know how to mature and love me.But unexpectedly, the real angel in my life is Duan Qiao. He hastily appeared in my life, behind the checkout counter in a convenience store, in my beautiful life.He taught me true love and taught me a beautiful life.Taught me never to give up on myself just because I am from a small city, even a country kid can be the best architect. I still vaguely remember what Duan Qiao said to me.

There are fragments about him in memory, and he was born in Yongning, a small town close to the sea. He can see the sea since he was a child, but he has never seen snow. When he saw the first heavy snow in Beijing, he was still called ridicule.And now, he should be in heaven.When he explained his hometown to me, he said it meant "eternal tranquility". So, is the heaven above the white clouds another Yongning? It's just that I didn't have time to go to the sea with you. This is the biggest regret in my life. Now I can remember you plainly, I can talk about you in a tone that is not sad, I can say that I have gone to heaven without tears, and I can talk about you for a long time I don't think of you anymore.

Only occasionally, your naughty face and your dimples will suddenly come and go in the memory, just like when you were alive, you liked to suddenly hug me tightly from behind with your hands. Only occasionally, on a crowded street or on a bus, I suddenly miss the quiet world you circled for me with your hands. Only occasionally, I would look at some young convenience store boys who were slightly distracted. You said that time is really the greatest healer. Those pains that I thought would never be forgotten, those wounds that I thought would never disappear, will be healed slowly in the palm of time.

You once said: "When I love you, you see that the night is as bright as the day. Because I burn my whole life and love you." You left me with a lot of things that moved me, which made me feel that the world became lovely again in the rest of my life. Sometimes I would see children from Asakawa No. 1 Middle School rushing down from the hillside on bicycles.At that moment, I will always recall that when we were young, Lixia, you and I rode our bicycles from the school gate on the top of the mountain to the foot of the mountain. Lixia, sometimes I wonder, did you really exist, or just a girl who appeared in my fantasy world?You brought me into a completely strange world, Qiqi, Fu Xiaosi, Lu Zhiang, did these legend-like characters really appear in my life?Sometimes I am asking myself.Walking down the street that day, seeing Qiqi's face appearing on a huge electronic screen, I dared not say to Qingtian, look, this is my good friend once.Lixia, did you know that Qi Qi is no longer the best newcomer, but the best female singer.I'm so happy for her.

Lixia, do you remember those high school years?There are some things that I can still recall clearly.At that time, if it weren't for you, my entire high school days, up to now, would not have made me so unforgettable.In those rainy nights, it is because of your waiting that I will no longer be afraid on the road.When someone is waiting for you in front of you, you will become brave.At that time, I loved to hold your hand and run forward.Now, when I think of holding your hand, I feel like I have returned to my girlhood in an instant. I am still that young and rebellious girl with countless beautiful longings in my heart, even if I am now a wife.

But, where are you now? I heard someone say that good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere.However, the bad girl I was back in the past has already returned to Asakawa to start a quiet life, but what about you, where are you still staying? Many times, when I was waiting on the side of the road, when I came out of the convenience store with a big bag of things, when I was free and in a daze under the camphor in Asakawa No. 1 Middle School, I would feel in a trance that you were near me , never left. You are always there. Never left. I used to read the sky at the four corners of the prison described by others in novels.In fact, after entering, I found that it was not narrow.

The sky is still vast, and white clouds can still be seen coming and going. Xiao Si, will you be angry because I haven't come out to accept your visit?If so, I'm so sorry.But I am really afraid to see your sad expression.In fact, I think, in your heart, you must have always felt that you have implicated me, right?Are you still living in that self-blaming world? I know, you are such a person. And what I want to tell you is that I have never regretted it.Even if fate happens again, I will not be so impulsive again, and will be more rational, but this does not mean that I have any regrets.

If I have to talk about something sad, it should be that I can't watch you get married, can't watch the unconcealable joy on your face when you become a father, and can't watch you go to one career after another. The pinnacle can't help you build a brilliant future, can't accompany you to age day by day, and can't chat with you about our young years when we are old.That's all it takes to get me down. Because that person was not killed by me, the judge did not sentence me to death. At the beginning, I felt that the life sentence was too long.It can't even be described as long.All the long, there will be a day to arrive, but there is no time, what kind of concept is this.

But one day, I suddenly figured it out, you see, from the first year of high school to now, it seems that ten years have passed in the blink of an eye, and how many ten years are there in life?If I live to be sixty-five, I have four decades left to live.And four decades are four moments in the blink of an eye. Many times when I think of you, there are still so many bitter feelings in my heart.I grew up with you, studied with you, and raised a dog with you.Xiao Si, do you know that it is because of you that I was able to get into Asakawa No. 1 Middle School despite my poor grades in elementary school, where I became better and better.Because I was used to living with you since I was a child, I was afraid of being separated from you, so Wen Zhi Wu Gong always wanted to follow behind you, not too far away, you first, I will be second. However, fate arranged for us to separate later.You know, when I was in Japan, I met a boy in my class.His name is Naoto Asaki.The way he speaks, his tone of voice, his movements, his demeanor are all similar to yours.So, every time I see him, I will think of you, and then I will run back to the dormitory and write to you sadly. I am ridiculous. Sometimes when I think about it, my life is like coming to this world just for you.It may seem nasty to say this, but, just like people often make fun of me, I have never had a serious girlfriend, never had a serious relationship, never married, never been a father, but these, I don’t Pity.The days with you have enriched my life.Wei Wei feels a little regretful that my father didn't get to hold his grandson.When I think of this, I think of my mother in heaven.But my mother has always liked you very much, she will definitely not blame me. I used to say that I was afraid that you would be bored, so I stayed with you, because the two of you are bored together, so it shouldn’t be considered boring.In fact, it was because I was so inferior at that time. I felt that your life was like a vast ocean, while mine was like those rivers that would evaporate if exposed to the sun.So I really want to be with you, then I will feel that my life will become magnificent with you. Most of those warm and beautiful things in life, those things that make me courageous in the dark, are mostly taught by you.Do you still remember the "Harry Potter" we used to like to watch, when Sirius was imprisoned in Azkaban, he was full of hope and faith, so he was not killed by dementors Only by sucking away all the happiness can we continue to live bravely. I still remember the story about the angel you told me. Sometimes when I think about it, I don’t know if I disappeared in your life or you disappeared in mine. But no matter what, I feel that you have taught me more than angels. It was windy again outside the window.In the blink of an eye, it was the end of 2005, and the days went by like this. They all say that time is the greatest healer.But, Xiao Si, do you know, whenever I think of us riding bicycles wandering in Asakawa, remembering how many times we climbed over the school wall to skip class to play, and think of those exquisite drawings you scattered in the studio, every time When I think of me playing the piano at home and you falling asleep next to me, you start doing puzzles, and I start yawning. I still shed a lot of tears when I think about it. It's ridiculous.But.Thinking about this really makes me sad. The things that didn't get done.I hope there is another life to continue to complete. When I came to Asakawa again, I had no impression.After returning to Muro County from Beijing, I seldom go to Asakawa again.The people in my hometown and my former classmates were all wondering why I, who was from Peking University, would go back to the countryside. I didn't even try to explain it, I just waited for time to dilute everything. So the days really passed on insipidly.I found a job in an ordinary way, met a new boy in an ordinary way, and talked about marriage with him in an ordinary way.It's just that she will never have the kind of feelings she once had for Fu Xiaosi. Such feelings, a lifetime, only once. In that hot summer in Beijing, it was completely consumed. I won't think about a person like that again.I will never miss someone like that again.I will not worry about whether a person has eaten or worn warm socks in winter.And he won't be overwhelmed with nervousness because of his frown again.No more staying up all night to make work easier for one person. There will never be a time like that again. It's like there will never be that Lixia who used to be desperate for love. Sometimes I go to Asakawa from Muro County to do some business, and every time I finish my work, I will stay in Asakawa for a day, walk the familiar streets, and take a look at the familiar scenery. Many times I will see Encounter, but I dare not call her.In memory, she is like a gorgeous swallowtail butterfly, soaring above the spring water in the valley.Most of the time, I watched her quietly, watching her waiting on the side of the road, watching her go shopping, watching her and Qingtian walk through the dusk street together, just like watching them many years ago. I always pretend to enjoy these ordinary happiness with her, pretending that we are still together. Even though we're not together anymore. I didn't tell her I was back.In her heart, she must have thought that I was in a place that no one knew. There are only some bright details left in the memory, and they returned to my dreams in countless rainy nights. In those dreams, you are still wearing CK’s white T-shirt, you are still accidentally stained with oil on the lunch box, and you are still staring at me with a pair of foggy eyes with no expression on your face. In those dreams, you still sharpened a pencil and handed it to me silently from the front, you still took me over the high school wall, and you were still the little painter who seemed to be known only to me in the whole of China priest. In those dreams, you are still standing in front of the apartment door waiting for me to go downstairs in the heavy rain, still happily eating the desserts I brought from my hometown, still wearing thin clothes in winter and not afraid of the cold, still being with you Together, I made the same choice on the form of arts and sciences. In those dreams, you still surround me with a coat in the heavy snow, you still smile at me and say good morning, no matter how tired your face is, you still go to school seriously to check the map for my whim and then Take me to a country I've never been to. But you in those dreams died long ago in the summer of 2003.Died on that summer day when even the sun would feel hot. When I stood at the gate of Asakawa No. 1 Middle School again, I suddenly remembered that you once lay on my lap and said to me, Lixia, when, let's go back to Asakawa to see those camphors. But now, among the people who were talking and looking at the camphor together, I am the only one left to return to the place I used to be.Xiao Si, did you know that many of the girls who walked out of the school were holding your albums, and you could even hear them talking about you, who were already deified.It's hard to imagine that an ordinary boy in the school will become a legend passed down from generation to generation of students.You must be very happy to hear it.And I used to be a girl who fell asleep while holding your painting while sitting in the tree of Asakawa No. Breathe the same air, walk the same way. I even slightly thought of your rare smile at that moment, and almost cried in front of my husband who was about to get married. He is also very gentle. He is also very considerate. He also buys me medicine when I am sick. But he can never give me those colors you once gave me.Sometimes I feel that you are too selfish, you took me to see such a beautiful scenery, but you left halfway, and my future journey has never had any surprises that can surpass the past. I'm getting married tomorrow. Come to Asakawa today to choose accessories for decorating your home.When I passed by an oil painting store, I was surprised to find so many of your paintings.So much, so much, before you became famous, and after you became famous.All the paintings were hung on the wall one by one. I looked at them one by one, and the time passed slowly in front of my eyes. I seemed to watch your past years rushing past me.Bring out the shocking power of shaking the earth.Just like when I saw you for the first time. I told my husband that these paintings were all done by my favorite artist in high school.So he smiled and said to me, as long as you like, we can hang all these paintings in our house. I said yes, only these paintings are worthy of decorating my youth. When I said this, it was as if the curtains were drawn suddenly in my heart at dusk, and everything went dark all of a sudden. I suddenly remembered the play we watched together when we were in college, it was "Romeo and Juliet", and a line in it was, the sky outside is bright, and our hearts are dark. The owner of that store also joked that I was so young, because now those who like these paintings are those girls in high school.I just smiled and didn't speak, because I was afraid that if I spoke, they would hear the sadness in my voice. I asked my husband to help me choose the first one, and he pointed me to the one in the corner, saying he liked it very much.I looked up and saw that "Landscape That Never Appeared".When I went to pay, the one on the top was this "Landscape That Never Appeared".What flashed through my mind at that moment was the girl on the picture who bent down from heaven to kiss the boy, the girl's white clothes, and the boy's eyes as bright as stars.And, on that New Year's Eve night, you said to me by the window: Lixia, let's kiss. All the past, all the years, all the test papers exuding the fragrance of ink, all the wet boys playing basketball in the summer rainstorm, all the girls quietly carrying long English entries by the lake, all the blooming The phoenix flower at the end of summer, all those who left, all those who returned, all the brilliant poems, all the dim diaries, all the separated times, all the rebuilt homes.All the fallen leaves festering in the rain, all the wishing bottles drifting away with the river, all the songs sung in the night, all the clouds drifting by in the day, all the happiness and tears, all the kindness and freedom. In that summer many years ago, they rushed to the grand death together. There are only endless camphor trees left, covering the whole city like waves.They whisper silently when the annual wet monsoon blows over the treetops. You who recite the legend. The legend that will never fade away with you. Those boys, taught me to grow. Those girls, taught me to love.
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