Chapter 9 Chapter.06 1998 Summer Solstice·Floating Cloud·Phoenix Flower

Before I knew it, it was summer again.It has been half a year since I met and left. Most of the time, Qingtian didn't deliberately recall her, as if she had never left.On a certain evening, she would still wear jeans and ride a bicycle through the shadows of the camphor towards herself, and appear at the door of the house with the fragrance of tall trees.She is still the same as she was in 1997, that simple and unruly face that is familiar in my memory, with an expression that sometimes laughs and sometimes is indifferent. But when the illusion disappeared, the electronic signs on the street or the daily news broadcast on TV reminded him over and over again of the current date, which was a certain day in June 1998.

scorching sun.rainstorm.Tall and silent camphor. The long summer is here again. Qingtian still works at STAMOS after meeting and leaving.In a lot of free time, such as the tuning gap before the performance, such as walking home alone at night after the bar closed, such as when he was blinded by the gradually advancing sunshine in the morning, he would think of the situation on the day he left .All of them are like the ink marks clearly rubbed on the stone tablet, and then the dents are carved out by the carving knife of time. Even if the wind and snow come and go freely, it will definitely take a long time to weather.

In fact, on the day when Yuyu left, Qingtian had been following the four of them. Seeing that Yuyu was carrying heavy luggage but couldn't muster up the courage to rush forward to help her, leaving only the annoyance and melancholy in his heart spreading in the darkened sky. In the evening.Until the train disappeared into the distance, he still leaned on the pillar painted green on the platform and silently stared at the direction in which the train disappeared.The small vendors around were shouting loudly as they came and went, and the trolleys were piled up with fake and inferior snacks and drinks, squeezing through the gaps in the crowd. In the hustle and bustle, Qingtian was a note of stillness, the coda of the end , unable to be protracted, abruptly broke into a section, which became a hasty ending.

Qingtian touched the ring on his hand, feeling a little sour in his heart.He didn't tell Yuyu that he also had one, and he and Yuyu were just a pair, and they knocked it out by himself.At the same time as the last time I sent it to meet, I also quietly made one of the same style.But these are not important. Later, when Lixia and the others passed by him, Qingtian didn't call them, but just hid behind the pillar, looking at Lixia's crying face, his throat was a little tight.He kept staring at the figures of the three of them walking out of the platform and disappearing into the depths of the passageway, and then turning his head to see the setting sun sinking towards the horizon in an instant.

It wasn't just the setting sun that fell at that moment. He thought, is it like those crappy novels and TV shows, the story ends like this? The third year of high school has entered the final stage.Everyone can't wait to read books and do questions thirty-six hours a day. Functions, chemical equations, indirect speech, past perfect tense, subjunctive mood, dynastic chronology, importance of agriculture.All the test sites were messed up into a pot of porridge in my mind, simmering slightly on a small fire, bubbling and bubbling. Many girls have cried in private.But there is no way to cry, and I have to do math problems on the draft paper while wiping my tears.

The grade list that often appears is the pain in every student's heart.Which class's so-and-so is a dark horse that suddenly appeared in the top ten, and which class's so-and-so suddenly fell out of the top 30 due to abnormal performance, will become the focus of everyone's attention. There have always been comparisons and calculations, like thorny seeds sticking to the body, making people feel uncomfortable itching and stinging through the clothes. The whole classroom is filled with the smell of essential oils and coffee, mixed together with the dull chirping of cicadas outside the window, making the summer afternoon even more drowsy.The overhead fan is too old, and the school has repeatedly said that it needs to be replaced with a new one, but there is still no movement.Want sleep.Very sleepy.Very, very sleepy.Even just thinking of the thought of "I want to sleep" will make my heart slightly sour.I often wake up from the desk, with sleep marks on my face, and the students around me are still calculating the problem.

The reference books filled the desks, and there were a lot of reference books and test papers piled up on the desk, and they piled up more and more, leaving an extremely small space for writing. Every day, countless test papers that smell like ink are sent out, printed by the school itself, with inferior paper and unclear handwriting, but they are the medicine for the college entrance examination in the teacher's mouth. The corridors have also become quiet. Few students will fight in the corridors, and the time is spent on reading or doing problems.The pressure that could not be felt in the first year of high school and the second year of high school suddenly became a mass object, pressing heavily on the shoulders.

The sun slanted across the basketball court, with the uniqueness of summer as if washed by sea water. Beams of light shot out from the thick clouds that had just rained, and reflected white light on the concrete floor. few. When Li Xia walks from the cafeteria to the classroom with his lunch box, he usually stares at the empty badminton court in a daze.In the first and second years of high school, Fu Xiaosi and Lu Zhiang often played badminton here, and the sweat glistened on their young bodies.But now, I seldom see Lu Zhiang, except when school is over, I see him waiting for Xiao Si in the corridor outside the classroom, most of the time, everyone is rushing around the school with their books down and their heads down. .The badminton court looked like a deserted space. The white lines on the ground had been washed away by the rain and the hanging nets were already old.It seems that the students in the first and second grades of high school don't like playing badminton very much.

Lixia often feels inexplicably sad, and is so stressed that she wants to cry.Seeing those young girls in the first and second grades cheering for the boys they have a crush on on the sidelines of the court, waiting outside the barbed wire with unopened mineral water in their hands, Li Xia's heart will be filled with sadness like water. Looking at those young faces, seeing them swaying their youthful vitality in every corner of the school, squandering to their heart's content, and living hard.She thought, is it possible that her own young age has passed? There is evening self-study every night.There was chaos.

Lixia often writes those long historical quizzes until his right hand becomes weak.He raised his head and saw a white, fuzzy light from the fluorescent lamp overhead.In the night outside the window, only the hazy black shadows and strong fragrance of the tall camphor trees remain. Fu Xiaosi still took the first place in the whole year in liberal arts, and Lu Zhiang still took the first place in science in the whole year. As for Lixia, it takes a lot of hard work to get into the top ten of the grade. The end of the evening self-study get out of class was postponed to 10:30.On the way back to the apartment alone from the classroom every day, Li Xia would think of meeting him.Those days scattered on this road, the small friendship of the two girls holding hands.Each other's smiles and the smell of hair.Use the same bottle of shampoo.Like eating the same school cafeteria dish.Buy the same headband and wear a nice dress of the same color.Using the same mantra, love to tell jokes that only two people can understand each other, and then laugh happily at the blank expressions of the people around them.

Life in Shanghai is like a dream.For Fu Xiaosi, it was a happy memory.But it's just a dream.When I wake up from the dream, I still have to go on with my life. Just after returning from Shanghai, in the eyes of the school or classmates, Fu Xiaosi already has the aura of "Jinchuan Art Award".Fu Xiaosi didn't think there was any change, but every time Lu Zhiang and Lixia walked beside Fu Xiaosi, they felt embarrassed by the comments and stares of passers-by. They all paid attention, and the current gaze and discussion were more or less colored by other colors. "Look, Fu Xiaosi." "Don't be so loud, don't look around, it's embarrassing to be discovered." "Of course you have to watch it. He's graduating soon, so there's no need to watch it in the future." "That's right. I didn't expect that I look better than the photo." "Yeah, it's so cute...I didn't expect a painter to be so good-looking." "What kind of shit logic are you?" ... As time passed, Lu Zhiang developed a habit, whenever Fu Xiaosi received attention, he would silently stretch out his thumb, pat him on the shoulder, and then pretend to be very serious and say: "You're popular." As a result Every time Fu Xiaosi pushed him to the ground and beat him. When the college entrance examination was approaching, Fu Xiaosi published his first painting collection "Happiness in the Deep Rye Field". Because he was only a little famous, the painting collection did not sell well, but only 10,000 copies were printed.But in the collection of paintings published by young people, it is already considered acceptable.Moreover, there are not many people who have published picture books in high school in the whole country.So Fu Xiaosi was very happy. He was full of pride when he handed the published painting collection to his mother. He lay on the sofa coquettishly, with his head resting on his mother's lap, waving his hands like a playful child and saying, "Mom. Look how powerful I am, how powerful I am!" After the album was published, Fu Xiaosi often received letters from readers all over the country. These letters, with various postmarks, crossed the vast land of China, and threw them in front of him from the unknown air. Those encouragements, those thoughts confid to myself, those secrets shared with myself, those childish but sincere paintings sent to me, and those inquiries to Xiao Si, all slowly and healthily move towards the future in this summer, in the abundant rain. Jointing against the sky. Fu Xiaosi would bite the pen and write a reply letter earnestly in the gaps between his studies.He will be very happy to tell his readers the stories in the paintings, about his campus full of camphor Asakawa No. 1 Middle School, and will blushing tell those girls who confess to him to study hard and get admitted to the ideal university.Every time Lu Zhiang peeked at it, he would look up to the sky and laugh, making Fu Xiaosi ashamed. But Li Xia's feeling will be much more subtle. Seeing more and more people in the school start to like Xiao Si's paintings, Li Xia has a lot of inexplicable feelings in his heart. It seems that Fu Xiao Si is no longer the same as before. It seems that the priest has disappeared after the age, leaving no trace.And Fu Xiaosi in front of him gradually became radiant.I can't even tell if I'm happy or sad. The days passed by so slowly.Summer reaches its peak. The abundant rain makes the annual rings of camphor broad.The tall tree trunks open up more sky, and the green blooms a bigger world. Fu Xiaosi rode his bicycle across the clean gravel road lined with camphor trees on both sides. The summer breeze blew his white shirt against his young body, and his hair fluttered slightly.The camphor above his head intertwined with each other and swayed slightly in the wind. They whispered the boy's story. At first they just talked casually, just like they stood on this campus and talked about other boys and girls in the past, but they didn't know that this boy really became a legend on the campus, enough to make them fall in love A long time in his life to tell the story of his past. Like the gems left in the valley, they emit a slight light, illuminating the dark valley. And time flies.They graduated. Li Xia didn't wake up until the evening, because he had played outside all night yesterday and drank a lot of wine, he had a severe headache.Gone is what was yesterday: bubbling beer.The singing of KTV at midnight.It was a slightly chilly early morning in the street garden.All of these have become a certain slice of time, faded in color in an instant, and become specimens, which are placed in safe glass bottles and filled with potions, in order to store a longer time. Yesterday's English test became my last test in high school. Such a long time, so long that I almost thought it would never end, unexpectedly came to an end yesterday. Looking at the reference books, test papers, dictionaries, textbooks, and English listening tapes piled up in the dormitory, Li Xia felt a sense of emptiness in his heart. Although he has cursed countless times in the past for such a hard and long high school, but now, when everything is really about to pass, Li Xia suddenly feels that he is so nostalgic. On the way back to school in the morning, Li Xia and Lu Zhiang talked about the university.Fu Xiaosi deliberately walked far ahead, not wanting to listen to the conversation between the two of them.Lu Zhiang looked at Xiao Si's back with a slightly sad expression. "Zhiang, why did you suddenly... go to Japan?" "It's not a sudden... I've had this idea for a long time, I just haven't told you about it." "what?" "It should have started from the day my mother... died, and this idea gradually formed. Do you know why I didn't choose liberal arts with Xiaosi? Because my mother always wanted me to be an excellent certified public accountant. I always didn't Listen to my mother, be naughty, playful, and get into trouble at school. However, from the day my mother left me, I regretted day by day why I disobeyed her so much when she was still alive. Thinking about it now, the regret still lingers .” "so……" "Well, so I decided to go to the best university to study the best economics major. My father knew the principal of Shanghai University of Finance and Economics. He told my father that there is an exchange class for Chinese and Japanese students in the school. I went directly to Waseda, Japan to study economics. So, I decided to go to Japan later.” "Have you mentioned it to Xiao Si?" "No...it was only mentioned today." "Then will you tell him why you went to Japan?" "Yes, definitely. I don't want my best friend to hate me until I leave China and go to another country. At the beginning, I made an appointment with Xiao Si to go to the same elementary school, the same junior high school, and the same high school. We went to the same university all the time. We made an appointment when we were very young to study together. Therefore, I worked so hard to maintain my good grades throughout junior high and high school, because I was afraid that one day I would miss too much. And you couldn't get into his school, because you know how good Xiao Si is. Now it seems that the person who betrayed the agreement and oath... should be me..." The air is full of sadness.Distributed heavily among the branches and leaves of camphor.The words "it should be me" cannot be seen in the morning sun. But everyone can hear those traces bursting deep in their hearts.Like the ground after a major earthquake, there are thousands of ravines. Lu Zhiang looked at Fu Xiaosi who was walking ahead alone, feeling very sad.His lonely back looks even thinner in the wind, Lu Zhiang suddenly thought in a trance, after he left, will Xiao Si live like this all the time?Eating alone, traveling alone, going to school alone, copying notes alone, riding a bicycle across the huge campus alone, running alone, walking up the tall steps of the library alone, crying alone, laughing alone, A person fell asleep deeply.Because since he was a child, he has only had himself as a friend, and his life is so simple that it is almost a blank sheet of paper, but what kind of shock will his departure be in Xiao Si's world?Is it as painless as a breeze?Or is it like a tsunami, an earthquake, an unprecedented glacier descending? Have no idea.Sweat dripped from the corners of his eyes.No one saw it. As for Fu Xiaosi who was walking in front, no one saw his frowning tightly and tears falling at his feet. Only the camphor above the head knows all the secrets.But they were all silent.It was only after many years that the lost summer, and the last legend of the summer, began to be sung. Because Waseda had to enroll early, Lu Zhiang was leaving just after July. Hirano Airport is still the same as before, just the right people, just the right amount of hustle and bustle, and the sky above, all the same.The sky is bluer than in winter, and the tall camphor trees are already flourishing.The entire Hirano Airport is shrouded in a green ocean, and the crowd is like fish swimming in the deep sea, passing through quietly and silently. And what has changed? It is separation.The friends who grew up together, after this moment, will live in two different countries, the sky above their heads is no longer the same color, and the pointer on the wrist is also separated by time difference.When you miss, you can say "I miss you very much" in your heart.That's all there is to it. Xiaosi didn't say much along the way, Lu Zhiang wanted to talk to him several times, but he opened his mouth, seeing Fu Xiaosi's expressionless side face and foggy eyes, he swallowed the words back abruptly, only I can check the passport, check the procedures required for admission, and talk to the father who is driving and the aunt who is sitting in the co-pilot seat. But these have become very trivial.And Fu Xiaosi's silence, like a solid thing, gradually expanded in the small space of the car, until Lu Zhiang felt short of breath, as if he had held his breath on the bottom of the sea for too long, and wanted to return to the surface to take a deep breath. Change the boarding pass and fly to Hong Kong.Transfer to Japan. Seeing Lu Zhiang's busy and orderly appearance, Fu Xiaosi felt a sense of sadness in his heart.Xiao Ang has really grown up, and he is no longer the big boy who didn't understand anything by his side.In front of him is Lu Zhiang's back, which is familiar, but looks a little strange at this moment. In the hard core of time, the clear outline and taller figure than myself have faded.The middle-length hair is blacker than everything else.Sunlight pours down the surface of the hair along the oblique angle and flows like fireflies.During the free time while waiting, I have the habit of gently tapping the ground with my left foot.I like to stick my hands in my trouser pockets.When bumping into a passerby, he will give a slight nod of his head to express his apology.These habits are like stars scattered in the universe, appearing frequently in his long life like a galaxy.But these will soon no longer be seen. Lu Zhiang dragged large and small luggage into the security check, Fu Xiaosi's heart echoed the scene half a year ago.At that time, Lixia, herself, and Xiao Ang went to Shanghai together.Time flies so fast, the whole world seems to be still at the moment when I was watching the rare falling snow in Shanghai with Lu Zhiang on the window sill, but in a blink of an eye, it was like a dream was suddenly blown apart by the wind, and the pieces of the balloon were torn into smaller pieces by the wind The fragments scattered to the sky, Lu Zhiang, this little puppet who has been tied with him like a rope since he was a child, is going to Japan.Fu Xiaosi had to admit that the palm of fate could really turn the clouds and rains upside down.We lose to a life that cannot be changed.Lost completely.Bloody.Bloody. "Xiao Si, I have to go." "Well. Take care." ——Cold tone.The daylight permeating through the glass roof of the airport looks even colder. "I will send you an email every day when I arrive in Japan, you must remember to reply to my letter." "okay." ——It's not that I don't want to talk, but that I talk too much, and I'm afraid I'll cry. "I heard that the buildings in Japan are so dense that you can't see where the horizon is. There is a saying that people who can't see the horizon will feel lost and lonely. It's really scary to hear it." "It's too literate. Disgusting. Are you going to a poetry reading?" ——Actually, the original sentence was written by a Japanese novelist, or I showed it to you, you have forgotten it.That sentence means that if a person stands on the land where the horizon cannot be seen, then he will feel crowded but has no friends, so he will feel extraordinarily lonely. "No...I'm serious. If you leave Xiao Si, you will definitely be lonely." "Is it?" ——Do you know that you will be lonely? "Xiao Si...do you hate me?" "meeting." The word "will" suddenly appeared, and at that moment Lu Zhiang saw Fu Xiaosi's extremely sure face.He thought dejectedly that Xiao Si would still be angry after all.No matter how naughty he was in the past, no matter how much he skipped classes, got into fights, or flirted with girls, he never got angry. At most, he rolled his eyes at himself or said kindly to himself, "Go to hell."But now such indifference, separated by the touch of a glass, made Lu Zhiang feel worse than arguing with Xiao Si. "The person who betrayed the oath and agreement...it should be me..." "It should be me." Before entering the security check, Lu Zhiang turned his head to look at Fu Xiaosi, but Xiaosi only said "goodbye".At that moment, Lu Zhiang felt that the world had returned to darkness, with cold coming quickly, frost, glaciers, and the collapse of the unknown world. "Goodbye." Lu Zhiang showed a beautiful smile, like the most genial sunshine in the world flashed in an instant, illuminating the dark world.At that moment, Fu Xiaosi felt endless sadness in his heart, but his expression remained indifferent. When the plane took off, Fu Xiaosi kept looking at the silver-white fuselage rushing towards the sky.He knew that his best friend from childhood was sitting on it, and this metal machine monster was about to take him to a distant country, separated by mountains and across rivers. The huge roar of the plane seemed to be smashed directly from the sky and resounded on his scalp, tears blurred his eyes. What I didn't say was: I don't hate you, but I can't bear it.will you come backDo you still remember that there is a playmate from childhood to adulthood who came to visit me? Lu Zhiang's seat was on the side of the wing, so his tinnitus has been ringing since takeoff.Looking out of the window, there are undulating white clouds and a vast blue sky.Close your eyes and see the endless lake.Those lakes blooming in the eyes rise to a height of 9,000 meters. When I got home and lay on the bed, what played repeatedly in my mind was Lu Zhiang's expression of finally looking up at the sky and taking a deep breath, and the sentence "Leaving Xiaosi, I will definitely be lonely". Fu Xiaosi kicked off his shoes and lay on his back on the bed.The ceiling looks as far as the sky.Fu Xiaosi felt that dust was falling from the roof all the time, fine white dust fell on his face, eyelashes, body, and feet, burying himself bit by bit. When I was three years old, I went to the same kindergarten with him.I have won the big red flower for three consecutive years, learned a lot of Chinese characters, and can read comic books.And he is just a mischievous boy who is often punished by the teacher to stand up. He likes to fight for candy and pinch girls' faces. When I was seven years old, I went to primary school with him.I have been the squad leader for six consecutive years.Ranked first in the school.At that time, I thought I was an adult, so I pretended to be an adult and said to him who was obsessed with marbles and cards all day long: "If you don't study hard, you won't be able to go to the same junior high school as me, because my grades are the lowest. Well, you won’t be able to get into the school I want to go to.” He opened his mouth wide when he heard this, and then wept loudly, scattering the glass marbles in his hand all over the floor. When I was thirteen years old, I was admitted to the junior high school of Asakawa No. 1 Middle School together with him.He worked his ass off to pass the exam, and his grades just crossed the admission line.He started to learn drawing from himself. Although he still couldn't copy notes in class, he would take his notes home after school and reorganize them carefully.He joined the sports team and made it to the school high jump team.At the beginning, many girls had a crush on him, but he still couldn't get rid of the habit of teasing girls that he had developed since kindergarten. When he was sixteen, he went straight to the senior high school of Asakawa No. 1 Middle School with him, and his academic performance and art major performance were comparable to his own.In the second year of high school, I chose science. Contrary to myself, I have been the number one in science since then.After graduating from high school, I chose to study in Japan. Looking out of the window, although tears blurred my vision, I can still see the green that floods the whole world when the summer vacation comes again.That is endless camphor, pointing questions in every corner of the city.But the two people who used to watch camphor turned into one person, that person left, and the remaining person was still watching. Nineteen-year-old summer.Draw on that quiet period. The admission notice from the Central Academy of Fine Arts in his hand was glowing with golden luster, and the dim yellow light of the setting sun was reflected from the bronzing font in his hand, with furry halos in circles. During the days when I stayed at home and waited for the notice, I was still thinking about whether it was rational to apply for the same university as Fu Xiaosi.Because after all, Xiao Si is an art student, it will be much easier for art candidates, and his own art test must be weaker than Xiao Si, but fortunately, there is no need to worry about everything now. When I called Xiao Si to tell him, I heard his happy voice.There was a dog barking in the background of the phone, Li Xia couldn't help asking: "Does your family have a dog?" "Oh, no, it's Lu Zhiang's Zeus, I borrowed it to raise him for a few days." His voice lowered, it seemed that he was a little sad because he thought of Lu Zhiang who had left.But Xiao Si immediately changed his happy tone and said, "Congratulations, I'm so happy that I can go to college with you." At dusk, Lixia stood at the school gate, and the sophomore students had just finished school and rushed out, but standing in the center of the crowd seemed a bit in the way.So he moved aside embarrassingly, and finally just sat down on the flower bed beside the main road of the school. After watching for a while, the number of people gradually decreased.Lixia got up and walked towards the classroom.The classrooms in Class 3 and 7 of Senior High School are empty. After a summer vacation, it seems that there is a lot of vicissitudes. It should be covered with a layer of dust, no one has used it for so long.Li Xia leaned against the window and looked in, and could only vaguely make out the outlines of tables and chairs, and the handwriting on the blackboard at an unknown time.I can't remember the content of the class on the last day before the college entrance examination.The blackboard eraser sits quietly in the blackboard slot, along with some used chalk tips of various sizes.There is a triangular ruler and a compass on the podium.The tables and chairs under the podium are not arranged neatly. At the end of this summer, the students of Class 2 and 7 of high school should move in, so will all the traces of me and my classmates living here disappear? Lixia thought of the crazy things he heard about the schoolboys doing during the summer vacation.The draft paper and used books that Fu Xiaosi left on the table and forgot to take away were all robbed. The patterns he casually drew on the table were painted with transparent anti-oxidation paint by those little girls. Keep it for a longer period of time.Even Fu Xiaosi's standard test papers posted at the back of the classroom were all torn off.Li Xia was still laughing on the phone at that time, but now, there is an indescribable sadness, slowly, slowly, coming up from the depths of his heart. I didn't have any of them that belonged to Fu Xiaosi. After watching for a while, I felt tired, so I left the classroom. It's really all over.When Lixia left school, looking back, the place where he had lived for three whole years seemed particularly sad in the last dusk. It was here that I met Fu Xiaosi for the first time, stained his clothes, and saw his foggy eyes for the first time. It was the first time that Lu Zhiang made fun of him.Made fun of his hat with pigtails for the first time. There is a canteen that Fu Xiaosi and Lu Zhiang love to patronize here, and there are Fu Xiaosi's favorite cola and Lu Zhiang's favorite biscuits. Here are the tall camphors that Lixia likes and the shades cast by the camphors with a wet fragrance. There is a badminton court where Fu Xiaosi and Lu Zhiang played together. In the basketball court here, there will be boys practicing shooting alone on rainy days. The rain-wet clothes are tightly attached to the young boys' sharp backs. Here is the studio that is always covered with vines.Old wooden structures, plaster statues scattered around.The easels that the students did not take away, and the demonstration sketches on the walls. There is a hillside covered with soft grass in the back mountain, where I cried. There are strange apartments where boys and girls share. The iron gate here can be easily turned over. The phoenix flower here finally bloomed brilliantly in the summer of my graduation, burning up the whole campus, and finally withered all over the place. Every year, new people walk in with their eyes wide open, just like their young and naive self three years ago.And every year, people leave with various unspeakable emotions, and in the last look back, they shed hot tears. The sun was setting.Close that door forever.The door that separates youth and the world, suddenly closed in the summer when I was nineteen years old.