1 It all starts with summer. I have a special feeling for summer, not only because I can see girls squatting on the side of the road eating Mala Tang showing colorful underwear and deep or shallow cleavage, but also because every change in my life starts from a summer Beginning to another summer's end. Sixteen years ago in the summer, I left the kindergarten where I could listen to my aunt's talk about Alibaba and the Forty Thieves, share a bed with the little girl, and after a nap, I was given an apple or white rabbit toffee, and entered a place called "school" , and since then began a sixteen-year student life, successively studied in a certain elementary school, a certain junior high school, a certain high school, and a certain university in Beijing, and then graduated in the summer, but did not work as expected, and worked for a certain company in Beijing , but unemployed at home, living in a corner of Beijing, living.

2 I graduated that summer.I was unemployed after graduation, and I didn’t find a job at all. When I was in school, apart from joining the school’s literary club, I read mimeographed pamphlets such as "The Classic of Women" and "The Story of Meat Men" for four years. Four years of wandering between reality and ideal. After passing the dissertation defense, we relaxed and waited for the last few days before leaving school. Like terminal cancer patients waiting for the remaining days to end, some people hope that the time will end as soon as possible, and some hope that time will stop. At this time, everyone wants to open up. Began to spend time and drink, get drunk and dream about death.

The night before the graduation ceremony, Lao Wai, Liu Zi and I went to drink a lot of wine, and made preparations not to get drunk and return home. For this reason, Liu Zi brought his father's "Sea King Golden Bottle" from home.Lao Wai and Liu Zi are my classmates. Lao Wai is not surnamed Lao and is not called Wai, because when he shoots the ball is neither higher than the crossbar nor deviates from the post, but flies to the sideline and out of bounds. crooked" title.He also has a characteristic of playing football, no matter how far he is from the goal after taking the ball, he shoots straight away. He has played hundreds of games in the four years of college, and he has never seen him dribbling or passing.

The name Liu Zi is not a nickname, it was given by his father.His father was an alcoholic. On the day his mother gave birth to him, his father was about to drink a second bottle of "Erguotou" when he was dragged from the tavern to the hospital by a neighbor.The neighbor said that your daughter-in-law is about to give birth, so hurry up and take a look.His father asked suspiciously, why was he promoted again? Wasn't he just promoted to section chief last month?The neighbor said, what are you thinking about, this time your wife gave birth to a child.child?His father can't turn the corner for a while, I don't have a child?That's why your daughter-in-law gave birth to you, and the neighbor said, if you continue to dawdle like this, your son will be full moon.

When his father arrived at the hospital, Liu Zi had already been born and had no name yet. The nurse said that you should be the child's father, so hurry up and give your son a name.His father pretended to be thinking hard, and then said with special knowledge, this little bastard is the son of our Liu family, so let's call him Liu Zi. Liu Zima struggled hoarsely for more than two hours in order to give birth to him, and now she has fallen asleep peacefully.His father didn't discuss the naming with his mother, so he decided on his own.Believe that Miscarriage wouldn't have agreed to the name if the fuck was awake.

The nurse smiled "puchi" and wrote "Liu Zi" in the baby handbook. The next day, after his father woke up from alcohol, he scolded him all over the street because of the name: Tired of fucking, who is so uneducated, and named him such a fucking name. 3 When the big wine was almost finished, Lao Wai put down the sixth bottle of beer and said that he wanted to find a "chicken".These six bottles of beer were just right for Lao Wai, and he didn't lose his mind and fell asleep because of it, but he was strong enough to drink, and he expressed his wish for many years.

Old Wai can hold back enough these years, he chases after all girls who can see past, and he doesn't ask in advance whether a good girl has an owner, because Liu Zi and I have often helped Lao Wai and others in this matter. It's not that Laowai likes all kinds of girls. He just doesn't know who to like. He just wants to find a lifelong partner and treat them well, but he can't get what he wants. Some people are interested in Lao Wai, but he doesn't like it. Such girls make people have nightmares. They are interested in everyone, and they want to get married while they are in their prime.

The old Waike girl is not as blatant as the son and grandson, carrying a cage to hold a bird, holding a toothpick, sucking teeth, and following two thugs, but he is reserved and introverted, pulling the girl he is chasing to appreciate elegant art from time to time. I, Liu Zi, and Lao Wai all love to play the guitar. Among them, Lao Wai plays the best, but no one wants to listen to him, because he plays all classical pieces, and Lao Wai can’t keep pace with the times. He likes anything that is not modern, no matter how decadent or boring, it runs counter to the aesthetic orientation of the public.At that time, Lao Wai did not realize this, and proudly took the girl to the concert hall to listen to Haydn's Symphony No. 73 in D major "Hunting". The girl fell asleep listening to it, but Lao Wai was completely immersed in classical music In the artistic atmosphere, the girl woke up and found that the concert was over, and only the cleaners were left in the hall cleaning, while Lao Wai was still intoxicated by the lingering sound, unable to extricate himself.

On the way back to school, I passed by a video store, the girl said to go in and have a look, and Lao Wai went in with her, but he was very disappointed.Why are girls nowadays so tasteless, they just like whatever is kitsch, they buy a Jay Chou tape, and they are so happy, Lao Wai said. After he came back, Lao Wai told us about this incident. I feel that he is not in a relationship, but more like educating his children, cultivating their sentiments, and learning a specialty, but the result is that the children often fail to learn. Supervising their Parents have enriched their artistic cells.

Many girls think that Lao Wai is unfathomable and admire him very much. In fact, we know how much oil and water he has in his stomach, and he also knows how much he weighs. Therefore, every time before dating a girl, he will go to the library with his schoolbag to prepare lessons , so that he can speak eloquently in front of girls for a while, be full of knowledge, and pretend to know everything, but Lao Wai always shows his feet when he is lazy and does not prepare in advance, which makes girls lose interest in him, almost cooked duck That's it. 4 Six bottles of wine made me and Liu Zi agree that Lao Wai drank too much, and it is inevitable to have improper thoughts, but he is still a good comrade in essence.

It's too high, you must be too drunk, Liu Zi doesn't believe that Lao Wai would say such a thing. I'm serious, I really want to...Old Wai lit a cigarette, turned a blind eye to me and Liu Zizheng looking at him dryly, and sucked on his own. Lao Wai likes to take a few sips of cigarettes, just like Li Bai likes to take a few sips of wine.Li Baidou's hundred poems on wine, the old crooked ones rely on good cigarettes to do the questions.This saying was widely circulated among us when we were in college. Anyone who has homework questions that he doesn’t know will go to Lao Wai to answer the questions, and take a good cigarette in his hand. Lao Wai will help him overcome difficulties. Fortunately, the homework questions are not very complicated Only one "Dubao" is needed, even if it is more difficult, "Hongtashan" is enough. Graduation is about to happen, Lao Wai has no chance to do the questions, but he still has to smoke a couple of puffs from time to time, because he is used to a pack of cigarettes a day, which is better than a life of a living god. If he doesn't smoke, he will feel itchy and uncomfortable. . Lao Wai took a few puffs, and then handed us the half of the cigarette with the filter tip wet: this is the only one left. Liu Zi took the cigarette, squeezed out two drops of saliva from the filter, put it in his mouth, and asked Lao Wai: What kind of cigarette do you want? Old Wai said embarrassingly: Just look at one. What's the matter with embarrassment, Liu Zi said in the tone of a person who has come here, you will have to do it in a while. I said: Why don't you both find one, buy two and get one free, and take one with me. It's hard to share, and I can't bear to see you degenerate. At this time, Lao Wai is still a virgin, not because he is pure and pure, but because he still lacks the luck that girls are willing to sacrifice for him and something worthy of their belief.Girls don’t lose their virginity to Lao Wai because they don’t want to commit themselves to someone like Lao Wai, which shows that Lao Wai leaves a bad impression on people, but the fact that he is still a virgin just shows that his nature is good. If a tyrant comes to fight hard, no girl can stop it except sports girls who practice judo.Although Lao Wai is still a virgin now, in this society where anything can happen, maybe after tonight, he will bid farewell to his virginity. Lao Wai's move must have been deeply influenced by the movie "American Pie" he just watched two days ago. The decadent and decadent morality of capitalism has been subtly infused in Lao Wai's daily behavior. Liu Zi suggested to Lao Wai: I advise you to find someone who is healthy and healthy. But whether she is sick or not, I will only find out after I find her, Lao Wai said. Then it's more vulgar, find someone who is beautiful on the outside, and it doesn't matter whether her inner world is bright or dark, I said. Liu Zi also said: She still has to have unique skills, either she can taste bamboo and tune silk, play, play, sing and dance superbly, or know everything about piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, and she must have a high level of professional skills, preferably with a little culture, and her English has reached the national level. Sixth grade level. Lao Wai said: If it doesn’t matter, Level 4 is enough, or a college diploma. What you're looking for is top quality chicken, the little money in your pocket will be nothing left after you pay the bills, you'd better play your own game, and get any one according to the standards of the working class, I said. Lao Wai seemed to do it on purpose for me to see, took out a stack of 100 yuan RMB from his pocket and said: "Okay, then it's settled, if you look for a high-quality product, I will also be cool." It was only later that I found out that the money was the various scholarships that Lao Wai had received during his four years in college, and it cost more than five thousand. 5 The three of us have never experienced this kind of thing. Before, it was just hearsay about some dirty places. Liu Zi thought of the place called "Hair Salon Street" that he saw in the newspaper. It is said that every time When night falls, the street will be full of seductive women with trembling flowers and branches, all of them scratching their heads and posing in various poses, making the passers-by fascinated.Once the middle of the night passed, those women would rush at the passers-by, whether they were walking or driving, as if they were hungry and fighting a fire, rubbing their breasts covered with silicone to make your scalp itchy, and you stood there without it. After hearing this, Lao Wai picked up Liu Zi and me in a distraught manner, saying stop drinking and hurry up.Then he went out of the restaurant and stopped a Xiali, and went straight to the hair salon street. The birth of the hair salon not only solved the difficulty of Chinese people's haircut, but also made it even more difficult to get a good haircut. At the same time, it fulfilled the dream of some lazy women in China to get rich easily, and invigorated the local economy, accelerated capital turnover, enriched the night life of citizens, and saved money. Going to sleep in your own bed after dinner makes the work of the police not only limited to catching thieves, fighting car robbers and other uninteresting tasks. The three of us drove to the destination. The bright moonlight shrouded the street of Hair Salon. There were a number of Jing-A and Jing-E cars parked on the side of the road, but we couldn’t see the legendary woman. Looking carefully, we saw the hair salon’s house on the street. The house is brightly lit, and there are countless women sitting in light gauze and thin stockings, casting ambiguous eyes on us affectionately.Because of the hot weather, they all hid in air-conditioned rooms.Oversized bras and pitifully small pink panties have been hanging outside the store for decades, which are more eye-catching than the signs such as "A Chinese Ghost Story Shampoo Room" and "Unforgettable Tonight Hair Salon". The underpants are hung uniformly, and they are swaying neatly in the evening wind, just like the national flags hanging at the door of every house in Beijing every holiday. Lao Wai decided to shop around before making a decision. Liu Zi and I followed him, wandering from house to house and observing from house to house.As the street got deeper and deeper, the furnishing of the hair salon became simpler and simpler. At first, there were knives, scissors, hair dryer, shampoo, and water. In the end, there were only a faucet, a mirror, a sofa, a single bed, and a woman. We have reached the end of the street, and in the warm night, the woman in the hair salon is waving to us, like old friends who have known each other for many years.Just because we took a few more glances, the woman came out shaking her hips and swaying: Brother, come in. Old Wai took a step forward: Miss, you must have admitted the wrong person, we are the first to come back, besides, no matter how you look at it, you are older than us, there is no need to call you big brother, we haven't graduated from university yet. The woman said, the little girl is only twenty-nine years old, and the eldest brother sees me as an old man, because I have experienced many vicissitudes of life and experienced the coldness and warmth of society too early.Brother, do you wash your hair or massage. Old Wai is serious: I have a haircut. The woman said, we don't have big workers here, only small workers, no haircuts, only shampoo and massage. Lao Wai said with a serious smile, then let's massage. The woman said, there are more relaxing services after the massage. Our business purpose is to let you come here with pleasure and leave with satisfaction, and make you feel at home. In line with the principle of customer first, do you want to give it a try? Quality and quantity. Old Wai said, okay, how to consume. The woman said, just now I heard from my eldest brother that he is still in school, and we offer a 20% discount to students here. Old Wai said, that's good.Then he turned to me and Liu Zi: don't go far, take care of me. The woman said, what a coincidence today, the sisters have takeaway, so the two eldest brothers should sit in the room and look through the picture album.After finishing speaking, he took out a stack of photo albums of men and women, put them in front of Liu Zi and me, then took Lao Wai's arm and said, "Brother, come with me."Old Wai's eyes are blurred, his heart is full of spring, and he follows her to the small dark room in the hair salon. When I was about to go in, Lao Wai turned around and said to Liu Zi and me, I will come as soon as I go.An awe-inspiring spirit of righteousness and fearlessness in the face of danger. I just heard the woman ask Lao Wai in the back room: Judging by the look of the eldest brother, it seems that this is the first time I have come to this kind of place. The old crooked belt buckle slammed and said, regular customer. I know that Lao Wai doesn't want to tell the woman that he gave her the first time, otherwise she will be so happy. 6 The next scene could not be staged because of waking up from the dream.It turned out that the three of us passed out drunk on the roadside on the way to the hair salon and slept on the street for a night. Before falling down, Lao Wai pointed to the distance and shouted, look, the building is moving. Liu Zi and I looked in the direction that Lao Wai pointed, and as expected, a two-story building was slowly moving.Liu Zi said, I'm tired of practicing, why is this building so long.In the blink of an eye, the building disappeared, and I couldn't help but sigh, it's so fucking amazing, the whole building disappeared!Then the three of us fell asleep on the side of the road one after another. The next morning, we opened our eyes almost at the same time, looked in the same direction and said in unison, oh fuck, that building reappeared. At this time, a street cleaning woman said, "It's okay, you guys, that's a double-decker tourist bus to Tianjin." We looked up at the bus stop sign beside us, the east exit of Beijing Railway Station.I see. At this time Liu Zi's cell phone rang, and his wife Chen Xi called.Chen Xi shouted angrily on the phone: Where did he die, go back to school quickly, the graduation ceremony will start soon. 7 At the graduation ceremony, I wore a rented bachelor's uniform shirtless, exposing a hairless chest, and I was mixed in with the students receiving their graduation certificates. I took a close look at my graduation certificate, which had not yet been stamped. For four years, just such a piece of B5 torn paper made me spend all my time, cheating on exams, stealing money, and giving gifts. I really don’t understand why my classmates treat me like that. It can't be put down. After the secretary of the party committee gave the graduates a 30-minute blessing for a bright future, the graduation ceremony entered the last content-the school arranged an activity for the graduates with the theme of "Let the youth fly with the ideal", the content is We wrote our respective ideals on a card, tied it to a balloon, and let it fly by ourselves. Of course, the balloons were all bought by the school. The ideals written on paper are also varied. Some people want to be high-ranking and powerful, some people want to have so much money that they can’t spend it in the next life, some people want to get married more times, some people want to have safe intercourse without accidents for 365 days, and some people want to have onychomycosis sooner. , a classmate who did not graduate left a message: Classmates, you go first, I have something to do... Of course, ideals are only ideals. One year later, a classmate who was determined to make a big splash in the IT industry went to Zhongguancun to sell pirated disks. 8 The previous graduates also had similar activities. At that time, the school gave each student a Yuhua stone engraved with his name as a souvenir.However, on the night before leaving school, they threw stones at the cafeteria, library, and teaching buildings one after another.They are depressed—after four years of schooling, they have learned nothing, and many of them can't find a job.The next day, when the school leaders discovered that the campus was covered with stones and broken glass, the graduates had already left the school with unvented resentment. The mood before graduation is complicated, ups and downs, joys, sorrows and joys, it is inevitable to do irrational things, and it is the midsummer season, and desires are surging, so, except for those small stones and broken glass, every corner of the campus, either hidden or Condoms of various colors and sizes appeared again in the more exposed corners. Although last year's Yuhua Stone was replaced by this year's balloon, it failed to change the messy scene on the campus again. This year's graduates dropped a lot of wine bottles on the eve of leaving school, including Yanjing and Red Star Erguotou. 9 After the graduation ceremony, Lao Wai and I accompanied Liu Zi to buy a CET-6 certificate. Tomorrow Liu Zi will have an interview. The foreign company, the boss has no other requirements, as long as he has passed CET-6, everything will be easy. Liu Zi was also forced to buy a fake sixth-level certificate. Seeing that his classmates who could not graduate after four years of study had already entered work with fake graduation certificates, he decided to do so.Why doesn't he want to get a real sixth-level certificate.Half a year ago, during the sixth-level exam, Liu Zi and I each found a gunman, and the invigilator happened to be the head of the department.Before the exam started, the director patrolled the exam room, walked up to Gunner A, who was taking the exam for Liu Zi, and asked, "Your name is Liu Zi?" "Yes, I am." Gunner A pretended to be calm. "Is that you Liu Zi?" the director asked again. "That's right, it's me. I'm Liu Zi." Gunner A didn't rush. The director squinted at him and said, "I'm fucking teacher Liu Zi. I don't know what kind of virtue Liu Zi has. Come out for me." After speaking, he dragged shooter A out of the examination room. Gunner B, the one who took the exam for me, saw that the situation was not good, so he abandoned the window and fled. Fortunately, the exam room was set on the second floor, and no one was killed. Later, the director took me as an example and taught Liu Zi: "You learn from Ni Meng. Although you didn't study well, you would rather miss the exam than play opportunistic tricks." We arrived at the appointed place at the appointed time, and we got in touch with the certificate handler. We had contacted him once before and gave him the photo and a deposit of 50 yuan. He said that the work would be finished in a week. That day happened to be a week after the foreign company notified Liu Zi. The day to go to the interview. After Liu Zi got the sixth-level certificate, he would go to the foreign company non-stop, take out the still warm sixth-level certificate, and show it to the boss triumphantly. The person in charge of the certificate took us into a long and winding alley. Seeing that there was no one around, he jumped on the roof and took out the goods from under a piece of linoleum. It was done well. There is a well-dressed photo, and it is clearly written: Liu Zi passed the National English Test Band 6 and passed the grades. I hereby certify. Liu Zi looked at it carefully and said, yes, it's more real than real. The person who applied for the certificate agreed, that is, a saying that is often said in our circle is that the false is true and the true is false. We have nothing to say about this craft. I have also applied for divorce certificates, temporary residence certificates, death certificates, and only child certificates... … Stop talking nonsense, how much?Liu Zi closed the diploma and said. Knowing that you are still a student and want to get a certificate to find a job, I don’t ask for more from you, two hundred, not much.The certificate holder stretched out two fingers whose nails should be cut and said. Liu Zi felt in his pocket and found that the money was gone. He might have been stolen by a thief on the bus on the way here.There are two kinds of schools around the school, one is that there are many restaurants, and the other is that there are many thieves on the buses passing by here. The certificate seller snatched the sixth-level certificate from Liu Zi and said, don't come here. Although your college students have high IQs, don't be fooled by thinking that our certificate holders have studied a few years less than you. Seeing that he is really rampant, and Liu Zi has to go to the company for an interview at two o'clock in the afternoon, I don't know who said it, let it be a robbery, so this sentence has become a reality. After taking the sixth-level certificate from the certificate holder, Liu Zi looked at his watch. It was a quarter to two—the interview was going to be late, so we asked the old fool to dig out the money in his pocket—we had to take a taxi. The old man who said that the certificate is because he actually sold the fourth-level certificate more expensive than the sixth-level certificate, thinking that the English test is like a chef test, the smaller the number, the higher the level. When we were robbing, Lao Mao was no longer poor, and he didn't say a word, so why should he do it? That's right, after all, we are three in the prime of life. 10 It works if you have a certificate. Within a few days, Liu Zi went to work as a sales representative of a foreign company.Four years ago, Liu Zi was a kid who entered college wearing sportswear and carrying a "Li Pai" schoolbag. Now Liu Zi is dressed professionally, with shiny leather shoes, a neat suit, and a briefcase under his arm. Come to life. Liu Zi travels all day on business, flying up and down, running in the sea, jumping up and down, morning and evening, sunrise in the east and rain in the west, earning a lot of money. When Liu Zi found a job, the happiest thing was his wife Chen Xi.Chen Xi is Liu Zi's daughter-in-law rather than his girlfriend. She got married with Liu Zi in the first year of high school, and she and Liu Zi are also in the same school, and Liu Zi hasn't been close to her for seven years.I'm just hearing from hearsay, Liu Zi's one-sided remarks have not been verified in detail.Judging from Liu Zi's performance, it is not difficult to get the answer, what he said is true.Liu Zi always complained, whenever he thought of "Charles I", Chen Xi said, it's not that he won't let it go, the time has not yet come.Liu Zi asked, when will it be.Chen Xi said, when the name is justified.Liu Zi said, I see, you want to sing "Blood-Stained Grace" again during the wedding night in the bridal chamber.Chen Xi said, I hope you can understand, I want to keep a little mystery for you, other than that, I can do whatever you want.Liu Zi didn't say anything, just took Chen Xi's hand and stretched out his words. Generally speaking, in my opinion, college girls usually take the following three paths after graduation.First, relying on her good looks and some culture, a successful person with a successful career, a car and a house, one step in place, and then a divorce, half of the property, and start her own business, this kind of woman is often a student council member in the university Cadres; second, live as you want, marry a chicken as a chicken, marry a dog as a dog, give birth to a child, cook, wash and wipe the floor, squeeze the bus to and from work every day, there is no higher goal in life, food and clothing are enough, and the husband and the child take care of the children from time to time The next time you go to the restaurant, it will improve your life. This kind of woman came from the dormitory, classroom and cafeteria for four years in the university. I have a little fantasy, I am unwilling, I don’t have a car and I don’t want to squeeze the bus, so I have to ride an electric bicycle to and from work, I am full of confidence in myself, I believe that sooner or later there will be a bright future, generally this kind of woman is competitive in everything she does, Overthinking one's own abilities, often in a position of being out of touch with the world. Chen Xi doesn't belong to one of them, but he has something to do with all of them, so Liu Zi said that he seems to be in love with several women, which makes him tired. 11 Tell me about Liu Zi and his wife Chen Xi.When he was in school, Chen Xi felt that the dormitory was messy, so he rented a room outside the school, and Liu Zi lived there for two days if he had nothing to do. Logically speaking, if two people live together, something should happen, but it just didn't.Although the two slept on the same bed, they were head to toe, in case Liu Zi couldn't hold back, sometimes they even drew a curtain between them, Chen Xi could think of anything. Chen Xi usually eats and goes to school at school during the day, and goes back to the house to sleep with Liu Zi at night. After getting up in the morning, he goes to the morning market with Liu Zi's arm to buy. Time to meet. The morning market next to the school was built entirely in response to the needs of the students.It turned out that the surrounding area of ​​the school was barren, and the students had to run around to buy a pair of insoles and a pot of gallbladder, in the wind and rain.As a result, the morning market was born, which is deeply loved by teachers and students. The price is extremely cheap, and the goods are not necessarily beautiful. I once bought an emergency light here. I charged it during the day, and it charged me at night. Later, the emergency light exploded while charging, igniting the books and bedding. The fire was very fierce. We were not in the dormitory. The billowing smoke from the window was seen by the firefighters who had just finished their mission elsewhere and were on their way back. They drove directly into the school and used the little water in the tank to wash basins of water and With the aid of some piss and a few mouthfuls of spit, the fire was put out. Later, this matter was reported by various media in Beijing, telling college students to be a warning, my photo was pasted in a mosaic and published in the newspaper, and the school gave me a demerit penalty for this incident. But apples are different from emergency lights, and they will never catch fire no matter what, so Liu Zi and his wife took great pleasure in carrying a large plastic bag of apples, toilet paper, socks, eggs and other items from the morning market. 12 When I was in school, Lao Wai and Liu Zi and I got together almost every day, every now and then, even for breakfast, we had to wait for the dawdling guy to finish his shit.It is rare for Liu Zi to get together after work. After meeting, he can't help complaining about him, forgetting his buddies in order to make money.Liu Zi said that he can't help himself in the rivers and lakes. If he doesn't have money, what do you guys drink at a party? In this society, drinking tea requires money. We asked Liu Zi what he did at work, and he said that the company was mainly engaged in commerce, ranging from car color TVs to cigarette condoms. Liu Zi said that the boss has a good impression of him, because every time the company buys goods, he always picks the back of a big box.I said this is not like you, Liu Zi said, what do you know, the big box is sanitary napkins, which are small in density and light in weight, and the small box is shampoo, which is dense and heavy, and it is not pleasing to be tired. We said that you are carrying the big guy. Liu Zi said that moving things is just one of the jobs, and the official position is a sales representative. We asked Liu Zi what the sales representative does. He said that he sold it. We asked him how to sell it. Is it the same as prostitution? Liu Zi said that although both are selling, selling goods is different from prostitution.The former requires wisdom, but the latter requires a combination of wisdom, courage and shamelessness, both of which are indispensable, and he is still far from that level.We asked Liu Zi why he let customers buy his things. Liu Zi said that as long as the customer is happy, he can do anything, such as giving kickbacks, accompanying customers to eat and drink, singing and dancing, looking for girls, and meeting difficult customers. It's troublesome, pick and choose, the lady is not like Julia Roberts, he doesn't play, do you have that ability? He, the little dick of the East Asian still wants to play dates.I said, you can't get used to their problems, fair trade, buy or not.Liu Zi said that most of the clients are from out of town, and every time they come to Beijing, they clamor for me to take them to the colorful world to become mandarin ducks and butterflies, and to find a gentle sleeping place in the sky.I said, you just say that the economic order of the capital is prosperous but not messy.Liu Zi said, they don't believe it, they often point to the place names on the bus stop signs and dance, such as "Naizifang" and "Saoziying", even in the capital, they don't pay attention to the construction of spiritual civilization at all. After hearing this, Lao Wai immediately said that he wanted to find a job as a client. We asked Liu Zi, did you accompany the prince to study, and you also picked a lot of flowers.Liu Zi said, where, I wait outside the door every time, testing my will, clenching my fists, clenching my teeth, and biting my lips. These grandchildren seem helpless, but that matter It doesn't matter how long it takes.We asked Liu Zi why he didn't want to join in the dirty work, and Liu Zi said, I still want to keep my innocence. 13 Lao Wai and I were not as lucky as Liu Zi, and we haven't found a job for almost a month since we graduated. I clearly remember Wang Shuo’s article mentioned the various choices faced by a navy after demobilization, such as factory workers, shop assistants, and bus conductors. The hero in Wang Shuo’s works dismissed these professions, which made me hard to understand. Good luck is a job. , let's talk about it. The school is so fucking ruthless, it doesn’t matter whether we can find a job or not, it will send us out on the day of graduation. For graduates like me and Lao Wai who have not found a job, there are only two paths in front of us-reviewing for the postgraduate entrance examination and being unemployed .Lao Wai chose the former, but I chose the latter without hesitation. It was not a choice, but an acceptance, and had to.The postgraduate entrance examination is a way out, but for me, even if I pass the entrance examination, it will just repeat the unbearable life of yesterday, not to mention killing me.I'm tired of going to school, especially the ones that require exams. In fact, Lao Wai came up with the high-sounding excuse of taking the postgraduate entrance examination to find an excuse for idleness all day long.Although learning is endless, Lao Wai still has to take classes on what to do after finishing his doctorate.But it is too early to say. Although Lao Wai is excellent in mathematics, physics and chemistry, his English is inferior. If the whole class did not work together to help him cheat, I am afraid that he will not be able to pass the fourth level in this life. Now his English level is among the second-year middle school students Not worth mentioning.Ask Lao Wai why he can't learn English well. He said that Chinese culture has a long history and is splendid and splendid. I can't learn it even after five thousand years.Based on his current English proficiency and status, he will not be able to pass the master's degree in three to five years.I asked Lao Wai what to do if I didn’t pass the exam, and he said that I should continue to take the exam. I just repeated it for a year after I was admitted to university. 14 Lao Wai is more miserable than me. His family is out of town, but he decided to stay in Beijing. The first thing he is looking for is not a job, but a place to live. It is common in Beijing that things of a kind flock together. There is a bar street in Chaoyang, a painter village in Haidian, and a building materials city in Fengtai. I rented a bed in my student apartment, went to the study room of the National People’s University to grab a seat to study during the day, and went back to sleep at night.Recently, the self-study rooms of the National People’s University have been frequently overcrowded. Many current students have to take a few bus stops to the nearby Minda, Beihang, and Hai to go to the nearby Minda, Beihang, and Hai to go to the self-study. Enrollment expansion, and there are too many foreigners like Laowai.Later, Internet cafes sprung up on this street like mushrooms after the rain, and the atmosphere for postgraduate entrance examinations went from bad to worse. People who took postgraduate entrance examinations left the classroom and went to Internet cafes. The happiest thing was the Renmin University of China students. Affected by the crowded traffic, many students' thermos were crushed and burned.Since then, this street has become a famous CS street in Beijing. From time to time, foreign masters travel thousands of miles to show their talents here. So Lao Wai went back to his alma mater. Fortunately, it was quite easy to find an empty bed at school. He only had to post a notice stating how much money he would give to the owner of the bed, and within half a day, he could lie on it and sleep.The atmosphere of Laowai’s stay at the school is the atmosphere here. Although there are not many people studying, the library and teaching buildings are standing there, which is enough for Laowai to miss the flowery world outside, and at the same time, he doesn’t feel the heavy schoolbag on his shoulders. . Laowai found a bed in the dormitory of sophomore students. He often instilled his experience in the same room with several students on weekdays, telling them how to cheat in exams, which teacher is a crackpot, you can go to him, the students listened to Laowai with admiration , passed on his experience miraculously, saying that Lao Wai had been in school for seven years and decided to take root, marry a wife and have children, and would not leave even if he was beaten to death. One night, a few students had a night talk in the dormitory. They said that in three years, everyone would go their separate ways, and when they returned to school, they would be different. , and then there will be me. 15 The postgraduate entrance examination requires latent mind, but it is not unreal, so Lao Wai still has to think about how to live.He once said something like "From now on, I will not ask for a penny from my family". A gentleman loves money, and he gets it in a proper way. I don't know how Lao Wai came up with it. He thought that middle school students in all schools imitated their parents' signatures to seek money without killing their lives.Lao Wai said that it was his painful youth experience that reminded him. When he was in junior high school, Lao Wai had learning difficulties and had to fail every exam. Every time he got the test paper, the teacher would point his nose and say, go, take it back and ask your parents to sign it.Because of the signing, Lao Wai's thin and dry butt was plump and plump by his father. In order to prevent the butt from becoming like a baby just after giving birth, Lao Wai found a girl with mature handwriting in the same grade and asked her to follow the example of her parents. sign.Incidentally, the girl has huge breasts and walks unsteadily. Every time after signing, she always asks Lao Wai if there is anything else, which gives Lao Wai a kind of motherly feeling. Lie on her chest and sleep for a while. In order to be able to share a common language with that girl, Lao Wai began to practice calligraphy hard. When he was able to write a "human" character with one stroke of his hand, the girl transferred to another school because of her style.For this reason, Lao Wai made a statement to me about "The precocious puberty of girls with big breasts below the third grade of junior high school is not only reflected in the body". In addition to signing, Lao Wai also used his mature appearance to pretend to be the parents of middle school students, held parent meetings for them and accepted the teacher's scolding after the meeting (because all the students who asked Lao Wai to be their parents had poor academic performance and ideological quality), Work this way to get rich.有一次，老歪和老家来的表妹亲昵地手挽手逛王府井，被某学生的班主任看到，她把表妹当成了学生的妈妈，一个劲儿地说表妹教子有方，弄得表妹一头雾水不知所云。原来某学生在老歪冒充他爸去开家长会后改头换面，以一篇名为“这就是我的妈妈”的作文在区作文大赛中脱颖而出，获二等奖，此文感情充沛，细节丰富，生动感人，导致班主任以为站在她面前的老歪表妹就是文章中所描述的可歌可泣、平凡又伟大的母亲。最后班主任老师问表妹如何在繁重的家务劳动中保持容颜不老，表妹心想，自己除了偶尔洗洗因例假而弄脏的内裤外，并无家务在身，本身还是个饭来张口、衣来伸手完全靠家里的孩子，繁重从何谈起。为了搞明真相，老歪找来那学生的作文看，该学生在文中开门见山地写到：我妈妈今年四十五岁了……而老歪表妹今年才二十出头，人人都说她面嫩，长得像十五、六的中学生，所以老师的疑问不无道理。 俗话说，人为财死，老歪冒充学生家长挣钱挣昏了头，被老师当场擒获，因为他在同一天冒充了两名中学生的父亲，而此二人恰巧在同一个班，班主任将老歪当场揭穿。老歪还辩解说我不是第二个学生的父亲，我是他的舅舅，那两个学生是表兄弟，老师说老歪纯属瞎掰，那两个学生昨天刚刚打过架，哪有一家人说两家话的。老歪正要辩解当然有，还有弟弟调戏嫂子的事情发生，但不等他张口，办公室中的另两名老师起身向他走去，说老歪好面熟，其中一人拍着脑门说道，哦，我想起来了，你不是我们班某某的父亲吗。另一人也深受启发，戴上老花镜指着老歪说，没错，你就是我们班某某某的父亲，我们上个星期还谈过话。老歪的狐狸尾巴就这样被抓住了，从此断了财路。 16 生活于我，就是从一个招聘会到另一个招聘会，国展、首体、工体、雍和宫、农展馆，哪里有招聘会，哪里就有我。可惜招聘会对我这个逢会必到的客人毫无优惠，门票既不打折，也不发张贵宾卡，让我比找不到工作都寒心。 而在老歪看来，生活却是在一期又一期的彩票中度过的，他突然热衷于各类博彩活动，开始考研、彩票两手都要硬。 老歪对数学极其热爱，一直希望自己成为一个华罗庚、陈景润式的人物。当我们的偶像是雷峰、董存瑞的时候，他的偶像就是华罗庚、陈景润，后来我们的偶像变成了刘德华、王菲，他的偶像还是华罗庚、陈景润，现在我们年龄大了，没有了偶像，只剩下目标，就是挣钱的时候，他的目标也是挣钱，是像华罗庚、陈景润那样通过数学挣钱。陈景润的课题是歌德巴赫猜想，老歪说他的课题就是彩票中奖号码排列组合猜想。 有一点老歪深信不疑，各期彩票的中奖号码一定是某种数列，但决非等差或等比这样简单，他决定找到其中的规律，为彩民们做出贡献。老歪将每期中奖号码记录在随身携带的小本上，一有闲暇便掏出该本分析计算，他说他已经预感到一些苗头了。 如果中奖号码的规律被老歪发现，他的名字足可以载入史册，比肩华罗庚、陈景润，和《美丽心灵》中的那个教授平起平坐。 无论现实怎样，至少老歪说出了极具哲理性的话——何谓命运，买一注彩票就知道了。 老歪每期也不多买，就买一注，他说生活是平淡的，但只需两块钱，就能给平淡的生活注入无限希望。他说自己已成为理想主义者，我却认为他是不折不扣的空想主义者。 老歪为什么会迷恋上彩票，据他讲，他看了一期《实话实说》，那期的主题是：假如你有500万。平时很少看电视的老歪，屏息凝气，特虔诚地坐在电视机前坚持到节目结束。他认为如果这件事情发生在自己身上，就太振奋人心了。 17 终于毕业了，生活不能再像四年前那样度过，吃顿小炒就心花怒放，看本书便心满意足，听盘磁带感觉倍儿充实，再玩玩游戏、喝顿酒，别提有多滋润，感觉实现了共产主义，实际却是彻头彻尾的无产阶级。现在我们要用大脑和双手，去改变生活，享受生活。 大学这四年，校园的等级（年级）制度，让我感触颇深。大一新生入学，学校将课表安排得很满，这是一记“杀威棒”，告诫想撒欢的学生，象牙塔不同游乐园，我们的口号是团结紧张、严肃活泼。升上大二，学校在减轻课业负担的同时，将大二学生列为义务劳动、无偿献血的首选，否则以后就没机会了。步入大三，学生开始把自己当校园里的老前辈了，抽烟喝酒，考试作弊，贿赂老师，无恶不作，空闲之余想点事情，诸如生活的意义、明天的模样等老生常谈却又是每个人在这个时候都会遇到的困惑，考虑半天也得不出个所以然，于是在半梦半醒间进入大四。到了大四，便一切豁然开朗，课少到几乎没有，有远大抱负的学生开始考T考G，有些抱负的学生计划考研复习，平庸的学生闷头找工作，有点儿颓废的学生和女朋友在校外同居，很颓废的学生抱着被子自己睡觉，全都不把自己当学生了，学校这时对大四学生彻底大撒把，好像他们已经不属于学校了似的，任其随心所欲，胡乱折腾，也不管不问，就像一些劳工合同快到期的职员去向已定，不再干活，老板不想管，也管不了一样。 其实大学四年究竟学到了什么只有自己知道，一些人为了证明自己没白上，通常会说：那四年是我一生中最宝贵的时光，我无怨无悔，真想重来一次；心里想的却是：可他妈算毕业了。 终于，这一切结束了。 生活才刚刚开始。