Chapter 21 Chapter 19 Sunrise

Yu Ying is following the climbing path, slowly climbing up in the dark.There is nothing in her mind, only one belief, which is to return to the Banshan Pavilion. Back there, back to that time, she shouldn't say breakup so rationally.She can compromise, she can not break up so much, she can act as if nothing happened, she can act as if nothing happened.She hoped that she and him were just a pair of lovers playing love games. Even if she was deeply involved, it didn't matter if she could hear his voice, even if she was laughed at. This is the only warmth she has in this world, like a stove that can be warmed in the snow, how can she throw it away so easily?She was like a robot, letting go without hesitation, even though her heart was hurting like crazy, she still said goodbye so rationally.When will we see you again?Goodbye like today, it is better to take back the words of that day.

She walked forward without thinking, competing with herself, time, and fate.Do not admit defeat!Don't want to admit defeat!I don't want to admit that I am old, I don't want to admit that love is fragile and unreliable, I don't want to admit these ruthless changes in the world, I don't want to bear the pain brought by maturity.Isn't it okay to live willfully like a child?Tell the world, I want this, I really like this, give it to me!Not afraid of shame, not afraid of failure, not afraid of death, can't you be so persistent and fearless in wanting the life you want?Why do you have to live so hard, but can't make a cry?Yu Ying fell down on the steps, tears kept rolling down her face.No, she knew it was not possible, everything could not go back.

The Banshan Pavilion was in front of my eyes, and Yu Ying walked up to it, but there was no one around.She didn't know that half an hour ago, a car parked here for a long time, and then drove away. She walked where that person was looking at, but the time did not coincide, he was early, she was late, the place just happened to meet but it didn't happen to her and him. Yu Ying looked down the mountain, the city below fell asleep. So many people fell asleep, so many stories fell asleep, and when she was awake, she was actually asleep. Caught in such a huge life, she never dared to wake up. If she didn't wake up, she wouldn't know what her life was like. If she didn't examine her life, she would live the same day.

Yu Ying reached into her bag and took out a cigarette. She remembered the fireworks, even if she didn't like smoking, she still wanted to stand where he stood and light a cigarette.This allows you to fool yourself into thinking that time has never passed. She touched a letter, and suddenly thought that Jiang Lan had stuffed a letter for herself when she left.At that time, Jiang Lan said with a smile: "Wait until you really feel hopeless!" Yu Ying didn't look at it all the time, because she didn't reach the most desperate moment.But in this night, she really felt the despair of sinking to the bottom of the sea. She seemed to be swallowed by the deep sea, with nothing, even herself swallowed.

So, she took out the letter and illuminated it with the faint light of the mobile phone. At the darkest time of dawn, she was surrounded by loneliness, and she was ambushed by fate. The letter paper is very plain, with Jiang Lan's familiar font on it, written with a blue pen, under the light of the mobile phone, it looks like the sea under the moonlight, quiet and gentle. However, when we really grow up, we realize that such a future is really difficult to realize.We can control ourselves, but we cannot control the world. Even if we can work hard, we cannot control our destiny. Yu Ying put down the letter, rubbed her eyes, and found that the surrounding area was lit up with a faint light like a mobile phone, so it turned out that the sky was already bright.

She took the letter in her hand and sat in the kiosk, where she quietly waited for the sunrise. Looking at the moment when Chaoyang broke free from the darkness and jumped out of the sky, her eyes didn't know whether it was because she was staring at the light, or because she was shocked and filled with tears.As the sun rises, the cool light is like a steady stream of clear water, injecting new vitality into the city wrapped in a layer of ink.After washing off the ink, the whole city seemed to be submerged in water. Yu Ying was standing in the gazebo in the mountain breeze, and there were already people coming up for morning exercises in twos and threes around her.She looked at this living city, the strange buildings crowded together like a huge scar on this gentle earth.And in this blue planet in the universe, it dances alone, never getting close to the planets around it.So alone for many years, from the age of dinosaurs to human beings, in such a long time, the earth is very quiet, the city is also very quiet, it tolerated a lot of joys and sorrows, and also witnessed a lot of helpless life, it never complained.

Yu Ying felt the power coming from the ground, and the sunny wind hit her face. There were no tears on her face, no fatigue, and she knew her life had inevitably changed, but she still had to endure the pain of life itself. And just when the sun was billowing and burning, and it was about to tear open the sky, the city was like a huge and ancient ship. In the quiet hull of this city, many people continued their own stories. Ran Ran by the small window was holding Lu Jie's newly purchased mobile phone with a smile. The corner of her mouth was as sweet as a princess caught in a fairy tale. She was unmoved.

Lu Jie was leaning on the floor of his small room, surrounded by piles of beer bottles, he had already fallen asleep under the influence of alcohol.When the sun hit his face, he tilted his head slightly, and chose to continue falling asleep again.There are bad times in his life, but he can bear it quietly. Cheng Ji was neatly dressed, already carrying his bag, and walked towards his car.When he took out the car keys, he took out his mobile phone, and there was a sentence on it: "Let's get a divorce!" That was what he typed on the keyboard yesterday.His finger was on the send button, but he didn't press it for a long time, his expression seemed to be lost in thought.

The sun has no way to enter this place, it can only roar in the world outside Cheng Ji, but it can't warm him.His world only needs to be as bleak as the moonlight, reason is always his life principle, even if his mind is disturbed by some unexpected events, there is no problem. Li Lan was sleeping on the big bed in the new house with her child. The sheets were clean and comfortable, and the child was sleeping soundly.When the sun climbed into her house, she touched the child's back with her hand, the temperature was just right, and the skin was tender.Li Lan didn't open her eyes, she continued to sleep contentedly, the sun or the passing years didn't disturb her at all.She doesn't have any demands on her own life, she doesn't understand why she is so lucky to meet someone like Yu Ying.Li Lan's heart is full of gratitude. With such gratitude, her life will go more solidly.

Yu Jing didn't realize that the sun was knocking on the door. She had turned a blind eye to the sun in her life. She repeated the process of yesterday every day, and she was in no mood to stop and appreciate it. In the early morning, Zhang Lu was woken up by the sound of starlings outside the house. She sat up and was in a daze in front of the bed. When her wife saw her, she muttered half asleep, "Don't think about it, children and grandchildren have their own blessings." , When you are old, don't worry about it anymore, whoever chooses his own path will walk on his own."

Zhang Lu then lay down again, her life has not had too many ups and downs.Although the wooden bed board is simple but durable, it can give her a sense of stability.She turned her head to look at her husband, and saw the sunlight running in and reflecting on the dark red wardrobe. There was a familiar smell in the old room, and in this smell, she finally fell asleep slowly again. In the early morning of this city, some people wake up, some people fall asleep again, the story never stops, what is the ending?Yu Ying smiled, she didn't know what would happen to her.She can't tell what kind of ending is good and what kind of ending is bad. Can having love and Wu Borong guarantee happiness and fulfillment?Who can guarantee that this love will not be worn out for ten years or more, and they will not lose their enthusiasm and resent each other? Is it happiness if you and Cheng Ji understand each other, or tolerate each other?Who knows if there are any scars under this tolerance, and will one day be touched and have a hysterical attack? Is it a relief to choose to go alone?Even if she has a free soul, she still has to be under various pressures from the secular world and bear various responsibilities. No.Yu Ying shook her head, as long as life continues, the story will never end.Countless variables are waiting ahead, and no one knows what fate has arranged around the corner. However, Yu Ying held Jiang Lan's letter, and she felt that her body was full of power brought by the soil, sunshine, rain, and gentle wind. This kind of power has always existed, hidden as deep as the elements of the five elements, from her heart. Yu Ying looked at her hands, they were still a pair of slender hands, but the master of these hands would be Yu Ying in the future.No one can be Yu Ying's master anymore, because she already belongs to herself completely.Even if there is no miracle in fate, it doesn't matter, because Yu Ying owns herself, she will never be alone on the road of life. In the future, her road is naturally still very long. She may get divorced, or stay together, may fall in love with others, or may not, may have her own children, or may not.But these are not important, the important thing is that in this early morning, Yu Ying has never been so in touch with herself, she saw the free and unrestrained soul in the sun, which is herself. If happiness is a feeling, then Yu Ying feels real happiness now. This kind of happiness does not depend on the outside world, but comes from women themselves. If we think that love, marriage, children, or career will bring happiness to women, in fact, it is because we give happiness to others, and we think that we are not strong enough. , Do not control your emotions enough, can not make yourself happy, need the help of others. Surrounded by the forest, Yu Ying wanted to love herself well, and she finally understood what Jiang Lan once asked her: "Do you love yourself or not?" Yu Ying did not understand until this time that understanding and appreciating herself, believing that she can be her own master and bring real happiness to herself is to love herself. She stretched out her hand, grasped a handful of sunshine, kept the warmth in her palm, turned her head and walked down the mountain. The way down looks like a long way. However, Yu Ying was not afraid at all. (End of the book)