Chapter 18 Chapter 18 Dependence

On the plane, I kept drinking water, bottle after bottle, and Lu Licheng sat beside me in silence. As soon as we got out of Hanoi Airport, someone greeted us immediately, shook hands with Lu Licheng, and introduced himself: "Call me Ken." I thought it was someone from a travel agency, but it turned out to be a manager of MG's branch in Hanoi. Ken already knew the reason why we came here. The car drove directly to the hospital. He told me that the arrangement was the best hospital and the best doctor in Vietnam. I thanked him quickly.He also told Lu Licheng that after the accident, the travel agency shirked responsibility, saying that my parents did not obey the unified arrangement of the tour guide, and that what happened while wandering in the street had nothing to do with the travel agency.

Lu Licheng stopped him from further talking: "There is no need to entangle them with this matter, let the lawyer talk to them." When we were about to arrive at the hospital, Ken made a phone call. When we got out of the car, a doctor came up to greet him. Ken introduced to us that his name was Rio, and he was a friend of his since he was a child. He worked in this hospital. If we need anything, we can ask him for help.I immediately asked him about my parents' condition. Rio didn't answer directly, just said to take us to see the attending doctor, it would be better for him to tell us.

The attending doctor took us to see my father first, who was lying quietly on the hospital bed.The doctor said that it was only because of the effect of the sedative that he was still lethargic and there was no serious injury.From the looks of it, my mother should be fine, and my heart was finally at peace: "Where's my mother?" The attending doctor signaled us to follow him out of the ward: "According to the police, when the drunk driver drove into your parents, your father's side was facing the car, but your mother should have spotted the car first, and at the last moment, pushed it away. Your father, stand in front of your father. Therefore, your father only suffered a slight concussion, while your mother was seriously injured. I am very sorry, we have tried our best to rescue him, but the rescue failed and he has passed away."

I stared blankly at him, what he said was not true!not true!I also called my mother the day before yesterday, and what he said was not true! "I want to see my mother, I want to see my mother!" The attending doctor looked at Lu Licheng in embarrassment: "I suggest waiting for her to calm down before seeing the body." "No! I want to see my mother!" Lu Licheng reached out to help me, and I opened his hand. The attending doctor said to Lu Licheng: "When she gets better, please come to my office. I still have something to say to you. I'm very sorry!" The doctor left after speaking.

I looked in each ward, looking for my mother, and Lu Licheng followed me all the time.I opened a ward, saw that it was not my mother, and walked away immediately.He followed me right behind, saying "I'm sorry" to the angry people in the ward. Later, when I suddenly pushed a ward away and frightened a child to cry, he grabbed me and said, "Su Man!" I tried hard to break free from his hand: "I want to see my mother." He looked at me silently, with sympathy in his eyes.I went to pinch his hand: "Let me go! Let me go!" He said to Rio who was with us all the time: "Take us to the morgue!"

Lu Licheng dragged me into the elevator. "No, I'm not going. I'm going to my mother." He didn't say a word, just firmly fixed me in his arms, no matter how hard I tried to get out of the elevator, he never let go. Once entering the morgue, it was as cold and quiet as entering another world.The staff removed the white cloth from the corpse and quietly stepped aside. The moment I saw my mother, I fell silent. The mother's face was peaceful and serene, as if she was having a good dream.I walked to her side gently, just like when I was a child, I got up early on Sunday morning and tiptoed to my parents' bed to check if they were awake.Sometimes, my mother would wait until my face was close to hers, and then suddenly open her eyes.I was so scared that I screamed "ah", turned around and ran to my father, who laughed and picked me up from under the bed and put me among them.

I bent down to look at her, Mom, scare me, scare me! My mother fell asleep peacefully, and I stretched out my hand and gently shook her shoulder: "Mom, mom!" She was still sleeping deeply.I gently stroked her face with my hand, and the cold feeling penetrated from the fingertips to the blood vessels, and quickly spread to the whole body. I remember when I was in elementary school, my father had to work night shift. Often when I came home during the day, he was still sleeping, so I ran to call him, and my mother would always gently pull me out of the room and tell me: "Your father is very tired. He wants to sleep, you can't disturb him."

Sometimes, I will be very obedient and watch TV by myself, sometimes, I will be very disobedient and immediately shout at the top of my voice: "Dad, your precious little princess is here!" My mother stared at me angrily, and my father's laughter came from the room: "Where is my precious little princess?" "Here!" I made a face at my mother, rushed into the room, and jumped to my father's side. Mom, are you tired?are you going to sleep?okay then!Now that I am sensible, I will not disturb you, I will take good care of my father, you can sleep at ease! I took one last look at my mother, turned around, and bowed to the staff: "Thank you."

He said something softly, and Rio translated it to me: "Congratulations!" "thanks!" I walked out of the morgue, and Lu Licheng stared at me worriedly: "If you want to cry, cry, don't hold back." I shook my head: "I'm fine, I still have my father to take care of me, I'm fine." I signed the cremation form for my mother, and went to the doctor in charge to complete the discharge procedures. I want to take my parents back to Beijing as soon as possible, and they will want to rest at home. When the doctor in charge heard that I was going to be discharged from the hospital, he didn't sign it immediately, but took me into a darkroom.He turned on the light on the wall, and several X-rays appeared. He pointed to the black dots on the X-rays and said, "This is the X-ray when we checked your father after he was hospitalized."

Those nightmarish memories came to my mind. I have heard what he is going to say next more than four years ago, no!I backed up step by step until I bumped into Lu Licheng who was standing behind me. He held my shoulders with both hands: "Su Man!" There was too much pity and pity in his voice. The doctor asked, "Your father had cancer surgery before?" I nodded blankly. There was also sympathy in the doctor's eyes: "I'm very sorry, we found that his cancer cells had spread." "We have a physical examination every six months, and it has been very good. Could it be a misdiagnosis?"

The doctor paid no attention to my contempt for his ability, and explained: "Cancer cells are still a medical problem. They can not spread for twenty years, or they can fill a person's brain in just three months. My suggestion Yes, contact the previous doctor as soon as possible to formulate a treatment plan." He handed me a thick file bag, "Here are all relevant materials, as well as my thoughts and opinions, and there are my contact information in it, if there is any problem , you can contact me at any time.” When I took the portfolio, the doctor actually patted me on the shoulder: “Be strong!” Holding the file bag, I walked out of the doctor's office calmly and walked into the elevator. Lu Licheng called me: "Su Man!" I looked at him sideways: "What?" His lips moved, but he didn't make a sound. After a while, he said, "I've already booked a ticket for tomorrow afternoon. Do you think the time needs to be changed?" I said, "No, I'm going to get the urn in the morning, please help me take care of my dad. Come back at noon, go through the discharge procedures, and you can leave in the afternoon." He said, "Okay." When I got out of the elevator and was about to enter the ward, I stopped suddenly, stared at the door of my father’s ward and said: “If my father wakes up tomorrow morning and asks about my mother, you can just say that she...that she was very frightened, The medical conditions in Beijing are relatively good, so I asked someone to send her back to Beijing first." "OK." When I went to buy an urn, I realized that this thing can also be made so exquisite and beautiful. They call it Baogong. I like this name, and I am also grateful that there are people in this world who are willing to spend their efforts to make these beautiful Baogong.I overdrawn my credit card to the limit and bought my mother a hand-made mahogany carved silver cloth Baogong. I thought that this way, my mother would rest more comfortably. When I returned to the hospital at noon, my father had already woken up. I quietly asked Lu Licheng, "Has my father asked about my mother?" "No. When he woke up, he didn't say a word." Lu Licheng pushed his father in the wheelchair, and I held my mother in my arms and got on the plane. Dad didn't ask me why my mother didn't fly with us. He was in a trance, always looking at a place, but his eyes were unfocused. I squatted beside him and called him: "Dad, Dad!" He looked at me blankly, and it took a moment before he recognized me as his vine.He smiled and rubbed my hair with his hands, but the strength in his hands was weak.I laughed too, and held his hand tightly. These hands were once full of strength, and they once lifted me high above my head and took me to fly. When I was young, my family’s economic conditions were not good, and the means of transportation when I traveled were trains and cars.When other students went on a trip, they had already taken a plane, but I had never taken a plane.I feel very ashamed, so I always go home and yell unhappily: "I want to take the plane, I want to take the plane." My father lifted me up high, and while running, he said, "The plane is taking off!" Then he made a sharp turn, and he yelled: "The plane is turning!" Still shaking violently, he yelled hastily: "Encountered a storm, encountered a storm, call for emergency support, ask for emergency support!" I screamed, While laughing. I held my father's hand and said with a smile to my father: "Wait for May Day, let's go to Jiuzhaigou! I'll treat you and buy a first-class ticket." Dad smiled and nodded. After returning to Beijing, I immediately contacted my father's former attending doctor, Dr. Zhang. He was on vacation, but after hearing about his situation, he promised to give him a check-up as soon as possible. When he saw me, he asked me, "Where's your mother?" I lowered my head, and Lu Licheng told him the situation in a low voice.Dr. Zhang was very surprised, and said to me again and again: "Don't worry! I will find the best doctor to consult with me, and we will do our best." He pulled Lu Licheng over and told him in a low voice: "Pay attention to stabilizing the patient's emotions. , doctors are important, but in the end it is up to the patients themselves to overcome the disease." I went through the hospitalization procedures for my father, and called the people in my father's unit to ask about medical insurance.After the phone call, Lu Licheng dragged me to eat. Although I had no appetite, now was not the time to indulge myself. I ate my meal in small bites and insisted on eating the whole meal.Lu Licheng kept looking at me, and I said to him: "Thank you for these few days, you don't have to stay with me all the time, I am very familiar with the future, this is Beijing again, and it is my land." He said: "It's still the Chinese New Year, and the whole company is on vacation. Do you want me to go to work? I'm idle, and I happen to have a car. Even if you're not friends, you are still colleagues. It's okay to help. " "Sorry, you were supposed to be home for the holidays." "You're so talkative!" He stood up as he spoke, "Let's go to your house and pack some clothes and necessities for your father." During the Spring Festival, there were few cars on the road, and the Wrangler drove all the way, arriving in Fangshan in just over two hours.The moment I opened the door, I called out habitually: "Dad, Mom, I'm back." The moment I said the words, I felt like I was spinning and couldn't stand still. I leaned against the wall and hugged my mother's resting baby. Palace, stood silently, and Lu Licheng also stood silently at the door. After a while, I was able to step up, put Baogong on the cabinet in the bedroom, and said softly: "Mom, we are home." He opened the big closet and started packing his father's clothes. Lu Licheng stood at the door and said, "After you pack your things, you can take a shower and sleep. We will go back to the city early tomorrow morning." "I want to leave in a moment." "Su Man! Think about it for yourself, how long have you not slept? It is late at night, and my uncle is sleeping soundly, and there are nurses to take care of you. What's the matter if you toss yourself over there? You said that you still have to take care of your father. , How long do you think you can take care of him like this?" I squeezed a thick jacket belonging to my father and said softly, "Mom just bought this dress for Dad last month." Lu Licheng's tone immediately softened: "Take a rest, we will leave early tomorrow morning, and I promise you that when uncle wakes up, you will be by his side." I said, "I see, you're right! I'll just pack up and rest." After packing up, he went to take a shower. When he came out, Lu Licheng was sitting on the sofa watching TV, but there was no sound at all, only a news anchor kept talking, and he didn't know what he was watching. I went to the kitchen to warm up two bags of milk he brought: "Drink some..." only to find that he had fallen asleep on the sofa.In the past few days, under his deliberate concealment, I have at least stayed at his house and slept soundly in the car and on the plane, but since he received the news that night, he has been busy, booking air tickets, arranging itineraries, and contacting Hanoi I put the milk on the coffee table, covered him with a blanket, turned off the light, and sat in a corner of the sofa, drinking milk and watching TV. Although there is no sound, and I don't know what it is doing at all, but the eyes can stare at the flashing pictures one after another, and the brain can stop thinking. After a long time, he still didn't wake up. Although he couldn't bear to disturb him, if he sat and slept like this for one night, his whole body would definitely hurt tomorrow. "Lu Licheng, go take a shower before going to sleep!" He opened his eyes and looked at me dazedly. I was looking down at him, and the wet hair was still hanging on the side of his face. He stretched out his hand to tie the hair behind my ears, and said softly, "You are not alone." I stared at him blankly, not understanding what he meant. Is it a kind of sympathy or a kind of comfort? He stood up and said expressionlessly, "I'm going to take a shower." I followed him into the bathroom, told him where the hair and body washers were, and then gave him a set of pajamas that I bought for my father back then. , but just right. After closing the door, he took a shower inside, and I talked to him at the door: "There are only two bedrooms at home, my parents' bedroom..." He immediately said: "I can just sleep on the sofa." "Feel sorry!" "It's okay, I often sleep on the sofa in the company, you go to sleep first! Don't wait for me." I took a clean sheet, spread it on the sofa, put pillows and quilts, and went back to my bedroom.I couldn't fall asleep at first, but I tried my best to keep my mind blank, and finally fell asleep. I had no dreams all night, at five o'clock in the morning, the alarm clock rang, I got up immediately, and after washing, I asked Lu Licheng to get up and wash.After he finished washing, my breakfast was ready. Two freshly fried corn omelettes, two cups of hot milk, and a plate of kimchi. There were cabbage, carrots, and cowpeas. The color was really beautiful. Lu Licheng tried his best to make everything look normal, and said with a smile, "It's so rich." I also laughed: "My mother pickled the kimchi, and I can pick it up whenever I want to eat it. Put the milk in the microwave and heat it up. My only credit is these two corn omelets." Lu Licheng tasted the corn omelette: "It's delicious." I said: "I thought the food in the refrigerator was probably expired, and I just wanted to cook some polenta, but I checked the date on the eggs, and it has not expired..." My voice was broken, and it turned out that the time of parting from life and death is just One week.A week ago, my mother was still busy in this kitchen. I lowered my head and ate in silence, and Lu Licheng didn't speak any more. After eating in silence, the two rushed to the hospital. When my father woke up, I pushed him for a walk outside and chatted with him. Not long after lunch, the nurse came to drive us away, saying that the visiting hours had passed and it was time for the patient to rest. I asked Lu Licheng to take me back to my small apartment, and when I was almost downstairs from my house, I asked him to stop. Walking into a real estate agency, a man saw me and Lu Licheng coming in one after the other, thought they were husband and wife, and immediately greeted us warmly: "You two are buying a house?" I sat opposite him: "No, selling the house." "Oh, where's the house?" "It's the ×× garden not far from you." The man hurriedly found a form to fill in for me: "The location is very good, next to the subway entrance. Is your house big? If it's not big, it's easier to sell. Many young white-collar workers who have just started working are willing to buy a small apartment in this location." I was about to bow my head to fill in the information when Lu Licheng covered the paper with his hand: "What do you mean?" I looked at him sideways: "I want to sell the house." "I'm not deaf! Why?" "This is my own business, it doesn't have much to do with you, does it?" Lu Licheng stared at me: "If you are worried about your father's medical expenses, there are other ways to solve it." I smiled lightly and said, "How to solve it? You don't really think that the medical insurance can reimburse you in full, do you? You should know that medical treatment is a process of spending money like water. My father was ill for a year last time, surgery plus hospitalization chemotherapy, Our family spent a total of 160,000 yuan! Not including odds and ends. Many good imported medicines are not covered by medical insurance. Last time, in order to save money, my dad would rather suffer more by himself and insisted on not using imported medicines. Do you know how painful chemotherapy is? This time, I don't want him to go through all this again. I want to give him the best medicine and the best care for him..." I couldn't continue, I turned my head, " This matter is my own matter, please do not express your opinion." "I have money, so I can..." I suddenly turned my head to stare at him, and he immediately swallowed back what he hadn't finished speaking.Seeing the injury flashing in his eyes, I was a little sorry, and said a little tiredly: "I am capable of taking care of my father, and I want to take care of him myself, do you understand?" Lu Licheng didn't speak, I tried to smile: "Besides, don't I still have to pay you back the money you lent me? What's the difference if it's earlier or later?" Lu Licheng took his hand away, and I started to fill in the form, filling in the address, area, and newness of the house in detail, and signed a contract with the agency. When I got home, I didn't invite him in. I stood at the door and said, "Thank you for your help these days. If you can use my Su Man's day in the future, you will go through fire and water. The holiday is coming to an end. Now, go home, have a good rest, and get ready to go to work! You don’t need to come to see me anymore, the transportation here is convenient, and it’s very convenient to take a taxi or take the subway.” He wanted to say something, but held back: "You should also take a good rest." After speaking, he turned and left. I set an alarm to wake myself up in two hours.Throwing himself on the bed, without taking off his clothes and shoes, he just lay there in a daze.I was still thinking about sending an e-mail to my eldest sister asking her to recommend a high-paying job for me; cooking dinner and bone soup for my father; remembering to take chess with me when I went to the hospital, and playing a few games with him at night ;Wake up early tomorrow morning to go to the vegetable market to buy a live fish, and I have to write a resignation application... Rest!Su Man, you need to rest to cope with everything, rest, rest! In the afternoon, when I arrived at the hospital, my father was not in the ward. The nurse told me that a man pushed my father to take a walk in the garden below. The little nurse said and laughed: "You are so lucky! Your boyfriend is so handsome and so filial." Am I lucky?I twitched my lips and smiled politely. The old nurse next to me heard what the little nurse said, gave her a hard look, and said to me: "I just met them and heard them chatting about playing chess. They should be in the activity room right now. You walk along the side Go down the stairs, it's just around the corner, faster than taking the elevator." The chess and card room is very quiet, just two people sitting by the window, concentrating on playing chess, the sun shines into the room, and there is a warm feeling. I thought it was Lu Licheng, but no, it was Song Yi.When I saw him, I felt a world away, so calm that even I couldn't believe it. I only took one look at him, and then I put all my eyes on my father.Dad habitually stuck his hand on his chin to think about the chess moves, and when he thought of a good game, he would unconsciously tap the other hand on the table.Because of his focus, his expression has no blank feeling, which makes me feel that his body and mind are here. I sat down at the table on the other side. Song Yi heard the movement, looked at me sideways, said nothing, and looked at the chessboard again. Song Yi's chess skills are not weak, and the chances of his father knocking on the table are getting less and less. In the end, he folded his arms around his chest and stared at the chessboard with frowns.I smiled and went to my father's side: "Do you want me to be a military adviser?" Dad saw me now, and smiled brightly, rarely seen in the past few days: "Go, go, go! With your little skill, just sit and learn." I dragged the stool and sat down next to my father. He thought for a while, carefully changed the place of the horse, and looked at Song Yi, with his wrists on the table, seemingly leisurely, but actually hanging nervously.Song Yi thought for a while, and when he got on the elephant, his father began to knock on the table with his hands expressionless, and walked away to another horse.Following his father's tapping, Song Yi was gradually forced into a difficult situation by his father. "General!" Father cheerfully put on the chain horse. Song Yi watched intently for a while, then smiled and said, "I lost." Dad smiled: "Young man's chess skills are good, if you work harder, you may win next time." Song Yi made a gesture of clasping his fists and bowing: "Then ask uncle to teach you a few more tricks." Dad smiled and said: "Learn from each other, learn from each other." Song Yi packed up the chess pieces, and I asked my father, "Are you hungry? I made bone soup and your favorite braised eggplant." Dad looked at my hand: "You don't need to cook for me specially, the food in the hospital is also delicious." "No intentionally, I'm a bit tired of eating restaurants by myself." "Then go eat." Dad said happily, but I could feel that his happiness at this time was more for me. While eating, my father kept praising me for my craftsmanship. I knew he was talking to Song Yi.In the past, I would have become angry with embarrassment, but now I just feel sad, wishing to be told by him like this for the rest of my life.After dinner and chatting with Dad for a while, he pretended to be tired and said he wanted to rest, so he asked me to go home and ask Song Yi to see me off. I didn't want to disobey my father's wishes, so I pretended not to know, and left the ward with Song Yi. When I passed the nurse's duty room, the nurse stopped me: "Dr. Zhang told you to go to his office before you leave." "Thank you." Doctor Zhang saw that it was not Lu Licheng who was following me, he was taken aback for a moment, and I introduced, "This is my colleague, Song Yi." Dr. Zhang and Song Yi shook hands and asked us to sit down.Holding a thick stack of medical records in his hand, he did not speak for a long time.I said, "Dr. Zhang, just tell me what you have! I need to know the real situation." Dr. Zhang pushed the medical records in front of me: "Your father's cancer cells spread very quickly. Several experts mean...they don't think surgery is feasible." "You refused to operate on my father?" My voice was shrill. "It's not that we don't want to move, but that the cancer cells have spread to many places, and surgery can't save us at all..." I suddenly changed color, stood up suddenly, and was about to leave: "I will go to a doctor who is willing to treat illnesses and save lives." Song Yi grabbed my arm and dragged me back: "Manman, listen to what Dr. Zhang has to say." Then he said to Dr. Zhang: "Sorry!" Doctor Zhang said, "It's okay, I understand." I sat down and covered my face with my hands: "I'm sorry." Dr. Zhang said: "Your father's physical condition is very unstable now, and it is difficult for him to endure a series of major operations, so our opinion is conservative treatment." There was silence in the room, only I could hear my panting, like someone who was about to suffocate to death.I asked with difficulty, "How much hope is there?" "I hope you have the greatest hope, but prepare for the worst." He paused, and then said, "If you have time, try to spend as much time with father as possible!" I walked out of the hospital numbly, Song Yi waved to stop the taxi, I whispered: "Goodbye! I'll take the subway back." He quickly chased up from behind, following the flow of people, the two of them boarded the subway one after the other, and I stood facing the window, staring at the dark tunnel passing through the window one by one. When the subway arrived, we followed the crowd out of the subway.I walked towards home, and he followed me silently. When I was about to enter the building, I suddenly stopped and said impatiently: "Where is Malatang? Why don't you go with her? She is yours." responsibility." There was sadness in his eyes: "When I called Aunt Chen for New Year's greetings, I heard that something happened to your family. I wanted to come back with Lian Shuang, but she moved to another hotel. When I went to find her, she went fishing So I just had time to leave her a message." "Thank you for your concern, I want to go home and rest." I hinted that he could leave, but he didn't move, just stared at me, there seemed to be heavy sadness flowing in the deep darkness, and it seemed to be deep pity. People coming and going looked at us curiously. The security guard stood inside the glass window and winked at me. I turned around and walked towards the small garden beside me, and sat down on a bench that avoided the road. around. In the flower bed, there was actually a clump of winter jasmine that had sprouts the size of rice grains. I stared at it for a long time. The phone rang suddenly. "The wind blows fiercely in the field, ignoring the pain of people, as if everything is going to be hollowed out..." "Hey?" "It's me, Lin Qing. I have received your email. With your previous work experience and my recommendation, it is not difficult to find a good job. If you want to strive for high salary, your job in MG Experience is very important. Of course, the premise is that you can get a letter of recommendation from Lu Licheng or Song Yi with a sincere tone. Otherwise, simply don’t mention it. After all, we are in different industries, and it is difficult to explain your career trajectory. That’s right! It happened What's the matter? Have you borrowed usury? Why do you suddenly look like you're looking for money? There are no requirements for the job, only a high salary." "Thank you, big sister, but I don't need it for the time being. I want to rest for a while and not work for the time being." "Su Man, what happened?" "nothing." "Su Man, let me tell you, don't play arrogantly there! Friends are there to help and take advantage of you, otherwise you'll be a fart! If you want to hide it, do it thoroughly, otherwise if you let me know what's going on in the future, Don't worry, you were still ignorant and naive in high school when I played gentlemen's friendship like water!" After the eldest sister scolded, she stopped drinking, and the boss's style was fully displayed, "Say! What's the matter?" "My father is sick, and all kinds of expenses will be very high, so I originally wanted to find a high-paying job. But today, the doctor advised me to spend as much time as possible with him, so... I want to stop working first, and I want to spend more time with him. My dad is together..." As I spoke, the tears that were suppressing in my heart finally found an outlet, and they were silently covered with tears. The elder sister was silent, without any comforting words, and said after a while: "I will return to Beijing tomorrow." "no, I'm fine!" "I should come back anyway, well, see you tomorrow!" My eldest sister hung up the phone, but I couldn't hold back my tears. I kept crying, and kept crying, but I couldn't finish crying the sadness in my heart.I know that one day my parents will leave me, but I thought it was still far, far away, and I never thought that this day would come so unexpectedly. Regret, anxiety, sadness, bewilderment...all the emotions mixed together turned into despair and helplessness. I cried and said: "I should have insisted on accompanying them to Southeast Asia. It was all my fault. If I had been with them, Mom might not have been hit at all, and Dad might not have gotten sick at all." There was heavy sadness in Song Yi's eyes: "It's not your fault." "You don't understand. Although I haven't told my father that my mother is gone, and my father never asked, but he already knew. He must hate himself. He hates himself for not protecting his mother. Instead, he let his mother lose for him. Life. My father is an orphan. He lived with his uncle. At first his uncle had no boys and treated him well and provided him with education. Later, when my aunt gave birth to a son, she disliked him very much. He didn’t stop at the last meal, let alone study. Dad only dropped out of school when he was in the second grade of elementary school. When he was just old enough, he went to join the army, thinking that at least he could have enough food in the army. Later, the army changed jobs because He can drive, so he goes to the work unit to drive someone else. He has no old people to worry about marriage, and he is very poor. People who introduce him look down on him, and he has always been single. My mother is a technical secondary school student, more than 30 years old Jin Gui, a former technical secondary school student! She is good-looking. When she was first assigned to the unit, a group of people chased after her. My mother said that you don’t have to do it yourself, and someone has already done it. Everyone takes turns in the corridor. Cleaning on duty, every time it was my mother's turn, she would have cleaned it up by the time she took the broom. She was only seventeen years old at the time, and she didn't know much about the relationship between men and women, so she thought foolishly, "Really As expected of the place where Chairman Mao lives, there are so many comrades Lei Feng here!'” Thinking of the tone my mother told me about these times, I couldn’t help laughing, but the tears flowed more fiercely: “At that time, the gay men were also reserved. They helped my mother clean for a year, but they still didn’t tell my mother. Why did he clean up for my mother? My father is different. Ever since my mother took his car once, he has taken a fancy to my mother and asked someone to introduce him. The introducer refused, saying that she was a girl The conditions are good, many people dare not think about it, so don’t think about it. My dad thought, you can’t do it if you say no? Even if it’s not possible, the girl has to tell me. My dad ran to my mother and knocked on the door Just say: "I like you, I want to be friends with you, can you see if it works?" My mother was too scared to react for a long time, and my dad said: "Since you don't object, then we will be friends. Your confession.'" I wiped my tears and smiled: "My mother has kept that confession letter! It imitates the three major points of attention and eight disciplines of the army, and promised my mother how to correctly handle the relationship between them. My mother was scared by my father. I was half dead, and then I was laughed to death by him, and then I thought, let’s be everywhere! Just get along with my dad. Later, many people were jealous of my dad. They didn’t understand how my dad pursued my mother, so they ran to ask me Dad, my dad said that I would go and tell her that I want to be friends with her. Those people who helped my mother fetch water, sweep the floor, and cook food turned green with regret. My grandpa and grandma don’t like my dad. The culture and family are not good enough to be worthy of my mother, but my mother has always respected my father very much. She always consults my father’s opinions on big and small matters at home, and never feels that she is better than my father. My father served him until his death. My mother said that before my grandfather left, she said to her: "Girl, you married the wrong person. I am relieved to have him take care of you." My father never let my grandfather down. As far as I can remember, my mother was only angry and shed tears for me, and my dad never even blushed once. I can't imagine my dad's self-blame now, and I dare not talk to him at all. Mom, I'm afraid that if I talk about it, his strength to fight for me in the end will collapse. In fact, it's not that he didn't take good care of my mother, but I didn't take good care of them. If he wants to blame, he should blame me, not himself." I covered my face and burst into tears.I think my mother is still by my side, I don't want my father to leave me, I don't want my father to be in such pain that life is worse than death, and he has to force a smile for me. Song Yi broke away from my hand, held my hand and said: "You are wrong! I think your father may have regrets and pain, but he does not resent himself. Your mother saved your father, she should have left with a smile on her face. Of the two, the one who stays is the most painful. If the car accident cannot be avoided, I believe your father would rather have this result than let your mother be in his current position, being missed and guilty Torture. Your father is a real man, he is stronger than you imagined, I don't think he is afraid to talk about your mother with you, he just wants to find a more suitable opportunity to talk about it, and he is worried about you." "Really?" I murmured to myself.My mother's last peaceful and peaceful smiling face appeared in front of my eyes, which made me believe that at the last moment of her life, she was indeed happy.But what about father?Does father really prefer him to be alive? Song Yi nodded, with heavy sadness in his eyes, in a trance, he felt that his expression was somewhat similar to that of his father. He wiped my tears with his hands, and said slowly: "He loves your mother, and your mother has not passed away in his heart..." His words stopped suddenly, I turned my head and saw Malatang staring at us in disbelief, her face was flushed, and there was unbelievable anger in her eyes. I immediately stood up: "Malatang..." She smiled suddenly, and walked towards me with a smile, her smile was as bright as a flower, and she walked like a willow: "Su Man, tell me to let Song Yi and I separate for a while to calm down, just to make myself feel better. Is it convenient to lie in his arms?" I smelled a strong smell of alcohol on her body: "Have you been drinking?" Malatang sneered: "I thought you were different from others, I thought our friendship was indestructible, why did you do this? Is your friend's boyfriend so attractive? Are you so despicable?" Song Yi said in a deep voice, "Lian Shuang, shut up!" Malatang looked at Song Yi in shock, mixed with sorrow and grief, and said with a sneer: "You are angry? It's not easy! The anger I've been looking forward to for so long has finally come. If I had known that Su Man was your sweetheart, move No, how much time I have saved!" She spoke and walked in front of me: "I really don't want to stage such a bloody plot, but I am not someone who is bullied to the head, vomits blood and has to walk away gracefully. The lady wants you to do it, I just want to do it." Willing to be a shrew..." She raised her hand, and before Song Yi could react, she slapped me loudly on the face. I covered my face and stared blankly at Malatang, Malatang didn't seem to think that he actually hit me, and I didn't even avoid it.She looked at her palm in disbelief, with surprise, hurt, and anger in her eyes, all kinds of intricate emotions flashed, but she just bit her lip stubbornly and looked at me. Song Yi asked angrily: "Are you crazy? You made troubles in Hainan without asking why, but you still make troubles when you return to Beijing. Can you stop being self-centered and care a little bit about the people around you?" 麻辣烫把眼中所有的情绪都深深地藏了起来，只剩冷漠倔犟。她哈哈大笑起来，指着我说：“你竟然骂我了？为了她？”她转身就走，步履虽然踉踉跄跄，腰却挺得笔直。 宋翊眼中闪过后悔，我说：“我没事，你快去追她吧！她这段时间心情不好，又喝醉了，你去看着她点。” 他站着没有动，眼中有挣扎和痛苦，有对我的不放心，可也有对麻辣烫的牵挂。 我低着头，快速地跑向家里。 一口气跑回家，关上门，背贴在门上，整个身子抖得如秋风中的枯叶。麻辣烫的一巴掌彻底将我打醒，我震惊地发现，我一直辛苦维持的友谊，其实在我的辛苦维持中早已经渐渐远去。 我和麻辣烫彼此信赖，也从不对彼此客气。我怕麻烦别人，我怕欠别人的人情，我怕别人表面客气、心里已不耐烦，但是我从不认为麻辣烫为我做什么事情是麻烦她。在我心中，她是如我父母一样的亲人，对亲人而言，为彼此的付出不是麻烦，是理所当然。这一次的事情，换成以前，也许我早已经给麻辣烫打电话，让她回来陪我，握着我的手，让我能更坚强，更有勇气。可是，我自始至终没有告诉她任何消息，我为了保住我和她的友谊，苦苦压抑自己的感情，可我的苦苦压抑却正在毁灭我们的友谊。 我已经很久没有告诉过麻辣烫我究竟是快乐还是痛苦，我对她说了无数谎言，我的心事在她面前成了秘密，我在她和我之间筑起厚厚的城墙，戴着一张虚伪的面具。她是不是早感受到了我的变化？她一直努力约我出去玩，找我谈心，是不是在尽力挽救？可我却在自以为是地维护友谊中坚决冷漠地将她越推越远。 我突然发现，如果不解决宋翊的问题，我和麻辣烫的感情似乎已经走到了悬崖边上。难道在短短时间内，我所有的亲人都要弃我而去？ 人生竟然如此无常，如此努力地想抓着，却越努力越绝望。 也不知道在黑暗里坐了多久，门铃声响起，我不是很想理会，所以没有应声。 门铃声倒是停了，可不一会儿，“咚咚”的敲门声又响起，并且越来越大，我人正靠着门而坐，感觉连背脊都被震得疼。 "Who?" "it's me!" 陆励成的声音，只能站起来开门。楼道里灯光明亮，我却在黑暗中待久了，猛地一开门，眼睛有些受不了，忙用手遮着眼睛，转身往回走。他跟进来，我扭亮台灯：“什么事情？” 他盯着我没说话，我问：“怎么了？” 他说：“你去看一下镜子。” 我走到浴室，才发现自己脸上两道血痕，麻辣烫那一巴掌打得并不重，可她带着戒指、又留着长指甲，所以脸没肿却有了伤口。 我头抵着镜子，脑袋发木，明天该如何给父亲解释？ “如果我告诉你我是不小心划伤的，你相信吗？” “不相信。宋翊给我打电话，麻烦我过来看你一眼。我问他什么事，为什么他自己不过来，他又不说，我就只能过来看一眼，没想到真没让人失望，可惜错过了精彩一幕，许怜霜打的？” 我说：“难道你觉得会是宋翊打的？” 他依在浴室门口，闲闲地笑：“还有自嘲精神，恭喜！我以为被人撞破奸情的人好歹应该惶恐一下。” 我突然发怒，随手拿起洗手液向他砸过去。他手一勾，稳稳当当地接住，还在手里轻轻抛了一下，一副不屑之极的样子。我又拿起洗脸液朝他砸去，他轻松避开，我一股脑地将手头能扔的都扔了过去，却一个都没砸中他。 我看着地上的一片狼藉，只觉厌烦，手指着门外：“你出去！” 陆励成仍是吊儿郎当地笑着，手搭在浴室门框上：“何必呢？一副我冤屈了你的样子，敢做就要敢当，许怜霜若不是亲眼看到什么，也不至于下如此重手。不过，我有点纳闷，宋翊看上去很放不下你，人却守在许怜霜那里，你就甘愿做个地下情人，二女共侍一夫？” “陆励成，你不要跑我这里发疯，你觉得麻辣烫受了委屈，有意见去找宋翊，我就是想做地下情人又怎么样？那是我的自由，你管得着吗？你出去！”我跑过去，一把拉开大门，轰他出去。 陆励成如一阵风般从我身边刮过，头都没回冲向了电梯。我“砰”的一声甩上门，人倚在门上，只觉得整个人要虚脱。这究竟是怎么样一笔烂账，我们究竟前生谁欠了谁的？ 一会儿后，隔着门板，一个声音响起，如同就响在耳畔。 “对不起！我刚才情绪失控了。” 我不吭声，他继续自顾地说着，如同对着黑夜倾诉：“我总觉得你既然喜欢宋翊，就该大大方方地去说清楚，尽自己的力量去追求他，何必这样藏着掖着，弄得大家和你一块儿难受。” 我平静地说：“宋翊爱的是麻辣烫，自始至终是宋翊在选择我和麻辣烫，而不是我选择他。我藏着掖着，也许只是知道，我压根儿没有机会，也许，我只是给自己保留一点自尊。” 陆励成说：“其实，我不该说你，我连'喜欢你'三个字都说不出来。对不起！” 我脸贴着门板说：“没关系，我刚才不是生你气，我是……我大概只是想抓着一个借口发泄。” 他低声说：“也许我太骄傲，知道她不喜欢我，就已经连说的勇气都没有了。其实即使说了，她仍然爱的是宋翊，换来的也许只是冷漠的拒绝和逃避。我不说，至少还可以在她面前保留一份尊严，君子之交的相处。” 陆励成语气中的哀伤和茫然让我想落泪，他这样的男人，早已经被岁月淬炼成最硬的寒钢，不想竟因情化为绕指柔，可爱情没有公平而言，不是谁付出最多，就该谁得到。麻辣烫就是不爱他，他也无可奈何。 我轻轻地说：“想心不生波动，可宿命难懂，不想只怕是没有用，情潮若是翻涌，谁又能够从容，轻易放过爱的影踪。如波涛之汹涌，似冰雪之消融，心只顾暗自蠢动，情若深谁又顾得了痛？”像是回答他，更像是回答自己。 陆励成笑起来，敲了敲门：“这是我的版权。” 我也笑：“好的，我每次听这首歌，都会记得是你的歌。” 他开玩笑地说：“你要记得自己说过的话。” “我的痛苦就在于记性太好！” “你早点休息，我回去了。” “等一等，你说我和我爸说我脸上的伤是树枝划的，我爸能相信吗？” “你明天早上几点去医院？” “九点。” “我也那个时间去医院，你爸见了我就相信了。” “胡扯什么？” “绝不虚言，回头你爸不相信，你找我算账。” “那好！路上开车注意安全。” "Good night." "Good night."