Chapter 20 20. Why, why is this so?

How do you really get to know someone?He was a young man about my age, he looked healthy and strong, he was very talented and ambitious, he missed his girlfriend who passed away, and he was grateful for my help.But now he is leaning on the sofa, and after taking the drug, he enjoys it slowly, with a happy expression on his face. I walked over and sat next to him, and he looked up at me: "You still saw it." I shook my head: "It's not that important to let me see it. Isn't this a good thing, can't I not do it?" He closed his eyes: "Kara said the same thing."

Then he just ignored me. It was Tuesday, and they had a performance in the nightclub at night, and the audience was very enthusiastic.I watched Yannick's passionate performance on the stage, and I remembered Danny Hager's words. He said that people live to experience and enjoy. If Yannick can be happy, why should I worry about him? This reminds me of Danny Hagrid again. That night, after the show was over, we came out of the nightclub, and I saw a cyan Bentley parked on the corner of the opposite street.I stood there hesitating for a moment, and I thought: Could it be him?The quiet watching in the dark was like a stubborn negotiation, and no one would give in until Roger dragged me away.

The absurdity of rock musicians gradually unfolded in front of me bit by bit.Jean and Roger always took different girls home for the night, and Yannick was ascetic in this respect, but one day he explained to me while cutting up the white powder with a knife: "I The amount of each meal will be fixed, it will never be less, and it will never be too much. I think people who take this overdose and die are idiots, they are too greedy, and proper enjoyment is enough, how can they even lose their lives?" He After cutting and cutting, there was a handful left in the end. He pointed them up with his index finger and looked at me, "Would you like to try it?"

Nirvana was playing in the room, the girl next door was being made to scream, and Yannick was fingering cocaine and asking if I wanted to join him.I just felt that my throat was so sore and itchy, and then a sharp soreness came from my stomach. I covered my mouth and rushed to the bathroom, throwing up in the dark. I don't know how long it took, I leaned against the wall and stood up slowly, turned around, Yannick was standing behind me, he hadn't smoked yet, but the addiction had already started, he was a little dazed again, and he was slowly talking to me Said: "You, you don't look good, your complexion is too bad, tomorrow, tomorrow, go to the doctor?"

I nodded and rinsed my mouth next to the sink. I raised my head and looked at my face. It was gray, with black eye circles and many small pimples on my forehead. It's December, the weather is getting colder, the days are very short, and twilight has already appeared after three o'clock in the afternoon.I was waiting to see a doctor in a clinic not far from where I lived. The waiting room was a small room with light blue wallpaper and pictures of a female doctor and her son on the wall.There are a few magazines on the table, I picked them up to read, the first page on the inside was an advertisement for lotion produced by Hagrid, with exquisite packaging, high-end price, a female star holding it in her hand, starry eyes, slightly parted vermilion lips , I still want to talk.

After the doctor sent a patient out, it was my turn. I put down the magazine and followed her in. The doctor asked me about my situation, and I replied sentence by sentence: "Well, I feel a little nauseous in the morning, I have vomited twice, I smoked, I also drank alcohol... no, never, um... my period, my period The menstrual period has never been very stable, sometimes more than 30 days, sometimes more than 40 days... This time," I calculated, "it's almost two months." As I spoke, the doctor typed my situation into the computer.When I said this, she looked up at me: "Miss, is it possible that you are pregnant?"

I've been with Danny Hagrid for two years, and I've paid attention to contraception during the process, but the last time we were in Nice, we almost forgot everything about that intense intimacy.I looked at the doctor and said, "It's possible." The doctor smiled and said: "Then let me do a digestive system check for you first. If there is no problem, I will give you a blood test diagnosis sheet. In addition to checking if you are pregnant, we also need to check if you are pregnant. Deficiency of trace elements. Please follow me here, and I will check your stomach first."

I didn't move right away, and I asked her, "If I'm pregnant, doctor, how can I have an abortion?" The female doctor looked at me, then went back to her seat and sat down.The woman has a beautiful and dignified face, and her expression and the leaden clouds outside the window behind her give a sense of ceremony to what she said next: "It may be different from China, but in France, naturally Fertilized human embryos have been recognized as human rights...Abortion has been legal in France since 1979. But if a child is to be deprived of the right to be born, we stress that there must be compelling reasons.”

"What is a convincing reason?" "The tests of some physiological indicators clearly show that it is not suitable for pregnancy, and we insist on communicating with both parties, hoping to persuade them to keep the child." I stroked my hair: "Is there any room for negotiation? Can't this matter be decided by myself?" The female doctor intertwined her hands and put them on the table: "Miss, any doctor who issues a certificate of induced abortion must bear moral and legal responsibilities. What do you want to discuss?" "I see." There is no problem with my stomach and intestines. I will take a blood test and wait for the results the next day.

I didn't take any chances. I walked around the pharmacy for a long time, looking for dangerous drugs that pregnant women should not take.Unfortunately, many of them are prescription drugs.From my point of view, the drug for emergency contraception on the second day of sexual life does not require a prescription, and the wording in the instructions is quite strong: after taking this drug for contraception failure, artificial means should be used to stop pregnancy.I bought two. In the evening, I took a stroll around the city and arrived at the Lotus Square.I bought a cup of cocoa and sat on a bench, watching a vendor across the street selling roasted chestnuts and mulled liquor.The sound of the fountain was very loud, and Apollo restrained the nine fire dragons.I sat on this bench thinking: when was that?Danny Hagrid waiting for me here, my street stall, volunteer?when was that

The doctor said to communicate with both parties, so should I tell Danny Haig about this?In fact, it is not difficult to find someone to go to the doctor and say that we can't have this child. We decided to kill him. The next thing I thought of was Yannick. Anyway, we are still friends, let him do this for me It doesn't take too much trouble. This day is not all bad news. I received a call from Mr. Rosin before I went to bed. He hoped that Yannick and the others could find time to go to Paris before Christmas, so that his collaborators could also watch the band's performance, and then After Christmas we may be able to prepare a contract. This is really good news. I have some reason to be happy again in my heart. The next morning was an unexpectedly sunny day, and the late rock musicians were still sleeping. I called the laboratory from the balcony, and the results were as I thought. I was pregnant, Danny's baby.I thanked him, put down the phone, and went downstairs to make myself something to eat.I'm thinking about when to have surgery. "Fry an egg for me too, okay?" Yannick appeared behind me at some point. "Um, okay." I looked at him, "You don't sleep for a while?" "Not sleepy," he said. "I have something to tell you." I cracked an egg in the pan. "I also have something to tell you." Yannick said. I turned around, holding a small shovel for turning eggs in my hand: "Then you talk first." He stretched out a chair and came over: "Would you like to go to America with me?" I didn't understand, Yannick asked me if I would like to go to America with him? "It doesn't seem to work." I said, "I was just about to tell you that Mr. Rossing called yesterday, and he hoped that the three of you would go to Paris before Christmas to meet his collaborators, and then... ..." He wasn't surprised at all, just looked at me. "What do you mean, Yannick?" I asked. "A producer in America wants me to work there. Next Monday. I hope you can too." He took a green apple from the dining table and took a bite, "Would you like it or not? " The eggs were frying in the frying pan, I quickly turned them one by one, I turned my back to him and thought for a few seconds, then turned and asked Yannick: "You are going to America, not including Roger And Jean, right? You're going solo, right?" "right." "Is it an American producer you contacted yourself?" "yes." "But you, you still let me contact Mr. Rossing, so that no one will pay attention to your own plans, right?" "That's what it means." I smiled: "Then what about the two of them?" "Everyone has their own aspirations. I now feel that there are many differences between the three of us. I think singing may be more suitable for me than a band." "And me? What shall I do? What shall I tell Mr. Rossing? I have seen him twice already." "You don't have to tell him," Yannick said until now with a nonchalant expression, "just tell me if you agree to go to America with me." "What are you talking about, Yannick? You are going to the United States next Monday, and now you come to ask me if I am willing to go with you? Do you think going to the United States is like going to Carrefour to buy things?" I stared at him closely, Still can't digest the news. "I've arrived in the United States and I'm waiting for you there. You can start to apply for a visa immediately." He said, "It may be difficult for Chinese people to go to the United States...I really invite you to go, I need someone to help, I think you……" I waved to him and asked him to stop talking.I put the fried eggs on two separate plates, and it was hard to suppress my shock and anger. When I handed the eggs to him, the plates fell on the table with a thud. "You said just now that you also have something to tell me?" He looked at me. "No more, Yannick, no more." I looked at him, shook my head, and turned to go to the attic. Yannick the rocker frustrates me very, very much. I was sitting in a chair in the attic, eating fried eggs and thinking about the first night I saw him in Nice. I thought he was sick and wanted to call him a car, but he just took drugs and was comfortable there; I helped him contact the producer, negotiate the contract, and yelled and bargained with the owner of the nightclub, but he had already fiddled with his own calculations and planned to go to the new continent on the other side of the ocean.There is nothing wrong with what he did, but I was so grateful for his enthusiasm and trust, and I used to regard him as a true friend, but he betrayed his collaborator, and he also Betrayed me.He is a shrewd and selfish man, how foolish I was to think of him accompanying me to the doctor to pretend to be my boyfriend. I thought about it, and I had a terrible headache.So many things came up in a mess, I just felt a noise in my ears, huh, huh, like a rushing tide.I finished my eggs and put the plate on the table.I felt sore in my shoulders and I had no strength at all.What would Danny Hagrid do if he were here?He will help me settle a lot of things, and then he will tell me, Wei Wei, you have to remember...you shouldn't...you did a good job...or, don't do this again.He is like a teacher who taught me how to drive. No matter how bad my driving skills are, he can always save the day by being on the sidelines.And now I'm on the road by myself, on a rampage, in a panic. I wanted to call him, but found out that he was in arrears.I went downstairs and called Danny Haig from the phone booth down the street. The phone rang, and I thought: If I ask him to rescue me now, will he come? In the morning, when there were not many people on the street, a goth girl with braids was sitting on the curb next to the phone booth, next to her big dog, she took out half of it from her backpack and wrapped it in tinfoil She took a bite of her own sandwich and gave most of the rest to her dog. A beautiful car was parked next to her, and the man got out of the driver's seat to open the door for the woman. The two of them were so glamorous, kissed each other on the cheek and said goodbye. I suddenly had a thought in my head, would he be more loyal to her than he was to her? At this time, Danny Hagrid's phone was picked up, and it was himself, with a low voice: "Hello?" My throat was choked, and I didn't speak. Whose gentle town is he in now?At that moment, I changed my mind. "... Wei Wei, is that you?" I didn't speak. "Where are you?" I still didn't speak. "...How are you doing shopping? Are you tired or bored? Shall I pick you up?" He spoke a little connivingly, and I felt it was a bit of a joke, as if he knew that I would make this call, as if he knew that I would transfer After a long circle, it will be like asking for mercy in the end. My bad temper came up again. "It's me, I just want to tell you, Danny Hagrid," I gripped the microphone tightly with my hand, and spoke more and more slowly, "I just want you to know that I'm doing fine." "... that's fine," he said. Then I hung up the phone with a snap. The goth girl outside looked at me. I walked out of the phone booth and sat on the side of the road. I took out a cigarette from my pocket, took one myself, and then gave the cigarette box to the front. The girl shook her head: "Thank you, I don't smoke." I said, "Where are your parents?" She said, "I don't know where they are." She asked me, "Where's yours?" I shook my head: "I don't know either." So what did I do to give birth to this child?His mother is a female student who has no ability to raise him, and his father is a flamboyant rich man. The development of the plot cannot escape two directions: the reality version is that when the child is born, Danny Hagrid does not recognize his lineage, and I use all high-tech means, legal means, and media means to prove it to the world. Ni Hagrid's property has to be his share, even if the problem is not resolved satisfactorily, he can still get a large amount of alimony... Money, money, Danny's money, I don't want it all there, if I want it , No need to play tricks on a child. The romantic version is that I take him to live alone, he will be an excellent child, beautiful, healthy and enthusiastic, and when I see him, I will think of his father whom I love so much.That kind of resentment lasted my short life. After I was behind, the child might go to him. He said to Danny in the past tense: "My mother's name is Qi Huihui, and you call her Weiwei..." My tears are about to flow.No matter how it is interpreted, this is a sad story. I don't want to write a sad story with my kids. If I can't get all of Danny Hagrid, then I will give him up; if my child is destined to be an illegitimate child, an illegitimate child, then I am willing to give him up. I bought a bottle of mineral water and swallowed those two pills while smoking. I have a strong attitude, and the results of the test show that I am indeed not suitable for pregnancy. I finally got a medical certificate from the doctor that I can perform an artificial abortion. The time is scheduled for next Monday, which is the day Yannick will leave for the United States .I moved out of the rocker's loft and rented a room in a well-heated little hotel.I bought a really thick quilt and lots of food.I have to take better care of myself. I was in good shape that day, and because of the anesthesia, there was no pain during the procedure.I spread my legs apart, looked at the pink ceiling of the hospital operating room, and thought: I just thought I had an illness, an inflammation that was dug out of my body by the doctor.He was a good doctor. Before the operation, he made me Chinese green tea and told me about his travel experience in Guilin. I still asked him, "How much damage will an abortion do to my body?" He said: "There is no major problem. Take good care of it and recover soon. You are so young. But it is better not to have a next time." The pain started the moment I saw the fluff.The nurse showed me what was stripped from my body. In a large area of ​​thick blood, I saw bright white fluff, and there were small stumps inside. It was transparent, but the shape could be clearly seen. Where is it? His little feet, where are his little hands. I smiled. I thought I was smiling, but it was a twitch of the muscles on my face in extreme shock and pain.I looked at the nurse and asked hoarsely, "Why, why is this? Why does he have feet?" She looked at me with pity, but she just shook her head. I left the hospital, thinking about the little kid; I took a taxi, thinking about the little kid; I curled myself up under the quilt in the hotel, and I was still thinking about the little kid. That night I woke up with periodic severe pain in my lower abdomen, the anesthesia wore off, and my punishment came from my body and mind at the same time.My hands are on my belly, and inside my head is what he or she might look like. If it is a boy, it should be like me, with fair skin, and no matter how old it is, there will be some childish fluff on the face.He also had a dimple on his chin.I'm not ugly, a boy like me will have good features, many girls will fall in love with him, and he will treat a real girl with affection. If it was a girl, it would be more like Danny Hagrid, more like a typical European, blond hair, blue eyes, a little paranoid temper and decisive force.She won't fall in love with anyone, she's a little villain, she keeps her heart to herself. If he or she is lucky, he or she should have been born in July or August of the next year. Virgo is a perfectionist with a gentle heart and kindness to friends. He or she is very smart. He or she can speak complex Chinese and beautiful French at an early age. It's just that there is no him or her anymore. ... A sharp pain like a knife came from my body, I couldn't help it, I wanted to groan, but I opened my mouth and cried out.