Chapter 49 Chapter 48: With Your Child

Xiao Fang's hands were cold, and so was his heart. A mistake that can never be undone, two people who have no face. If you were Xiao Fang, what would you do? It took a long time for Xiao Fang to open his mouth, no doubt he had made up his mind before opening his mouth. "Let's wait another day." "Whatever we do, we have to wait another day," he said. "Waiting for what?" "Wait for Zhao Qun." Xiao Fang said: "I must let him know. Although I don't have the face to see him, I still have to wait for him to come back." Susu looked at him, her eyes revealed the love and respect she had never shown to other men.

It was a long time before she asked, "What if he doesn't come back?" Xiao Fang replied: "If he doesn't come back, I will leave." This time Susu asked him: "Where are you going?" "Go to Lu San and die!" Xiao Fang said, "No matter what you want, I will only have this way to go." "Can't you go somewhere else with me?" "I can't." Xiao Fang's answer was firm and straightforward. "why?" "Because I can't forget these people, these things." Xiao Fang said: "No matter where we hide, even if we can hide from others, there is still one person that I will never be able to hide from."

"Who?" "Myself." Everyone has time to escape from others, but no one can ever escape from themselves. They waited a day. Zhao Qun didn't come back—not only didn't he come back, he didn't even have any news. It was getting dark again, and it was time for dinner again.Susu hadn't spoken for a long time, and neither had Xiaofang. They hadn't looked at each other for a long, long time, as if they were afraid that the expression in each other's eyes would hurt themselves. Because they couldn't forget what happened last night, that kind of passion, that kind of lingering, it was hard to forget in the first place.

——What should I do in the future? ——Two rootless people, an unforgettable combination, should they be together in the future?Or should they go their separate ways from now on?Let the other person alone bear the pain and guilt caused by the mistake? —Who can answer these questions?Does anyone know what should be done right? The window was open, and Xiao Fang stood at the window. The curtain outside the window is gradually approaching, the quiet sky, the quiet valley, the quiet dusk, the sky and the earth are vast and quiet. Xiao Fang's heart suddenly tightened. He suddenly realized that something was wrong.

Everyone has to eat, and every family has a stove in the kitchen and a chimney on the roof. When it was time to eat dinner, smoke would be emitted from the chimneys on the roofs of every household. The setting sun, the sky full of sunset clouds, and the smoke from the kitchen have always been one of the most beautiful sights in the world that make wanderers think of returning home. Here are the houses and the chimneys, and it is time for dinner. But there is no smoke here. ——Could it be that the people living in this mountain village are all gods who don't eat the fireworks of the world.

Xiao Fang suddenly asked Susu: "Have you been here before?" "I've been here." "Do you know what people here usually eat?" "Eat fish, eat meat, eat rice, eat noodles, eat vegetables and fruits." Susu said: "What other people eat, people here eat too." Of course she also found that what Xiao Fang asked was very strange, so she asked him back: "Did you see something strange?" "I didn't see it, I didn't see anything." Xiao Fang had already thought that, except for the woodcutter, his wife and children, he had never seen anyone else here.

Xiao Fang said, "So I'm going out to have a look." He should have seen it long ago.If it was Buying and Panchabana, they must have checked every household here. Those "five people" might have been hiding in this mountain village all along. "Sunshine" probably never left either. He hadn't thought of it, and it was really his recklessness. There are many reasons for mistakes, and negligence is definitely the most unforgivable of them, and it can never be undone. The woodcutter's stone house they stayed in was on the edge of the mountain village, and this was the first one they saw after entering the mountain.There is a small path in front of the stone house, and after walking a hundred steps along this path, there is a second family.

The family's house was also made of stone.In the window, which was also made of pine branches and rough paper, there is now a light, a light that has just been lit. The windows were closed, and so were the doors.Xiao Fang knocked on the door. He knocked for a long time but no one answered the door. ——If there is light in the room, there should be people. ——When he started to knock on the door, Susu followed.She was wearing the rough cloth clothes of the woodcutter's wife, with the trousers and sleeves rolled up high, exposing a section of snow-white calf. Xiao Fang immediately asked her, "Have you ever been to this family before?"

"No." Susu thought for a while and said, "But I know who lives in this family." "Who is it?" Xiao Fang asked. "This family lives with the woodcutter's cousin." Susu said: "When we went to the woodcutter's house, the whole family lived in his cousin's house." She and Zhao Qun must have come here often before, and this must be the place where they had a secret tryst. It would be a lie to say that Xiao Fang didn't think of this.If it is said that after Xiao Fang thought of this point, he didn't even feel anything in his heart, that would be a lie.

Xiao Fang knocked on the door again. He knocked for a long time, and even the door panel shook.Even if everyone in the room is deaf, they should know that someone is knocking on the door. Still no one answered the door.Because there was no one in the room, not even a shadow of a person. Xiao Fang has already confirmed this, because he has knocked the door open with his shoulder. Although there was no one in the room, the lamp was lit. An ordinary oil lamp, an ordinary room, and some ordinary furniture. But as soon as Xiao Fang walked into the room, his expression changed.It became as scary as seeing a ghost suddenly.

Ghosts are not scary, and many people are not afraid of ghosts.Xiao Fang is not afraid, more so than most people. There are no ghosts in this house at all. All the things in this house are what an ordinary person's house should have, and they are even simpler than those in other ordinary people's houses. Susu doesn't know Xiao Fang very well.It's just that in the past two days, she can also see that Xiao Fang is definitely not someone who is easily frightened. Now she could see that Xiao Fang was indeed petrified. She didn't ask Xiao Fang again: "What did you see?" Because what Xiao Fang can see, she can also see.Nothing she saw frightened her. All she saw was a bed, a table, some chairs, a dresser, a wardrobe, and an oil lamp.Everything is shabby and old. What Xiao Fang saw was the same.No one could figure out why he was so frightened. The wick of the oil lamp is made of cotton, and it has not been long since it was lit. When Xiao Fang stood at the window of that house just now, the lights in this house were not yet lit. The lamp was only lit when he came out. Where is the lighter? Xiao Fang didn't go to look for the lamplighter, nor did he go to those other houses. He sat down, under the lamp. The expression on his face already looked like he had seen a ghost, and now the expression on his face looked like a ghost. —Is this house a haunted house?Are there hidden demons, ghosts and ghosts that are invisible to the naked eye?Whoever walks into this room is to be manipulated by them? ——Then why doesn't Susu feel anything at all? ——Could it be that Xiao Fang is the only person that the ghosts and ghosts in this room are looking for?Susu really wanted to ask him why he became like this, but she didn't dare to ask. Xiao Fang's appearance is really scary. Xiao Fang sat down, sitting on an old bamboo chair beside the wooden table against the wall. The expression on his face became more complicated.In addition to fear and anger, there seems to be a kind of tenderness and longing that will never be clear and cut. ——How could this simple house cause him to have these two extremely different emotions at the same time in an instant? Susu wanted to ask again, but she still didn't dare to ask.Xiao Fang suddenly said, "I'm just like everyone else, I also have parents." He said: "My father was an escort, and he was also famous in Jiangnan fifteen years ago." He said in a low, slow and hoarse voice: "My mother is gentle and virtuous, but timid. Every time my father goes out to walk darts, she doesn't have a night of sleep." "Sunshine" is missing, Zhao Qun has not returned, the omen has been born, and the "Golden Hand" has appeared.At this moment, why did Xiao Fang suddenly talk about his parents? Susu wanted to ask again, but she still didn't dare to ask.After a while, Xiao Fang continued: "When I was five years old, what my mother worried about finally happened." Xiao Fang said: "In March of that year, my father's bodyguard went to the Central Plains. The bodyguard car was stolen and robbed in Zhongtiao Mountain. My father never came back." His voice was even deeper and hoarse: "The income of the bodyguard is not much. My father has always been very generous in his shots. Although our family's life is still decent, we don't even have any savings. After his death, our mother and son can't even live. down." Susu finally couldn't bear to ask: "Where is the bodyguard agency?" She asked Xiao Fang: "Your father died in the line of duty for them. Don't they take care of your mother and child's life?" "In order to pay for that escort trip, that escort agency also collapsed, and the owner of the escort agency also hanged himself." This is the tragedy of the Jianghu people, and such tragedies happen all the time in the Jianghu. People from the rivers and lakes who lick blood at the tip of their knives, enjoy their grievances and enmity, how many people can understand their tragic and dark side? Su Su was sad. "But you still have to live." She asked Xiao Fang again: "How did you survive?" "How did we survive? How did we survive?..." Xiao Fang clenched his fists tightly, the expression in his eyes was as if someone had stabbed him in the heart. "A woman with no relatives, no reason, and no one to rely on, with a five-year-old child, how can she survive?" Susu is a woman, of course she can understand Xiao Fang's meaning. A woman who has no relatives, no reason, no support, can sacrifice anything in order to raise her children. In brothels, in fire pits, from ancient times to the present, there are countless women like this. Susu's tears were about to fall. But she doesn't know much more.She didn't understand why Xiao Fang had to mention this kind of thing in front of her at this very moment. This kind of thing is originally a man who would rather die than mention it in front of others.What Xiao Fang said next surprised her even more. "But my father is not dead." Xiao Fang said, "Three years later, he came back again." Susu's hands clenched tightly, even her nails had pierced into the flesh. "Your father is back?" She was so nervous and painful that her voice trembled: "Does he know what your mother is doing?" "he knows." "He He……" Susu bit her lips hard: "how did he treat your mother?" Xiao Fang didn't speak, Susu rushed to ask again: "If I were him, I would respect and appreciate your mother more." "You are not him." Xiao Fang's voice was cold: "You are not a man." "Could it be...does he not want your mother anymore?" Susu asked again. After she asked, she knew that this question should not be asked.Seeing the pain in Xiao Fang's eyes, she should know the answer to this question. ——A woman, a child, a life, how many tragedies are there in this life? ——How many people can understand the helpless life contained in this tragedy? Xiao Fang stood up again, went to the window, and pushed it open.The night outside the window is dark. Facing the dark sky where the stars and the moon had not yet risen, Xiao Fang finally spoke after a long time. "I'm telling you this just because I want you to know that I have such a mother." "where is she?" Susu asked, "Is she still alive?" "She's still alive." Xiao Fang said softly: "I was still young at that time, she couldn't die." His voice was like tears: "Although I was young at that time, I already knew what she sacrificed for me. So I told her that if she died, I would die too." "Now you're grown up." Susu asked again: "Where is she now?" "In a place where no one knows her, and no one knows what happened to her. In a little log cabin." Xiao Fang said: "She doesn't let me see her often, and she doesn't even want others to know that she is my mother." Tears are about to flow, but not yet.Only the deepest and most dramatic pain can make people have no tears to shed. "Her wooden house only has a bed, a table, a few chairs, a wardrobe, and an oil lamp." Xiao Fang said: "Although she doesn't let me go often, I still go often. I am familiar with everything in her place." He stared at the dark sky, his eyes suddenly went blank: "These things in this room were brought from her." Susu finally understood why Xiao Fang became like that as soon as he entered the room. —Everything in this house was brought from his mother. —Who moved it? ——Of course it's Lu San. ——Lu San has undoubtedly found his mother.Now she undoubtedly fell into Lu San's grasp just like "Sunshine". Susu looked at Xiao Fang.Xiao Fang has no tears, but Su Su has.Because she already understood the feelings between their mother and son. "I'll take you." Susu finally made up her mind: "I'll take you to find Lu San." Even if she knew he was going to die, she would take him there.Because she knew he had no other way to go. Xiao Fang shook his head. "you should not." "No need?" "You don't have to take me there, you don't have to accompany me to die." Xiao Fang said: "But you might as well tell me where his people are." Susu shook her head. "I can not." "I can't tell you," she said. "why?" "Because I don't know where he is." Susu said, "I can only take you there." Xiao Fang didn't understand, Susu explained: "He is a mysterious person, every town and village has his abode, but no one has ever known where he abode." She added: "I don't know either, but I can find it." Xiao Fang didn't ask any more questions.He had stood up and said, "Then we'll go find it." Susu said: "Maybe we have to search for a long time, there are too many places for him to stay." Xiao Fang said: "As long as you can find it, it doesn't matter how long it takes you to find it." They searched for a long, long, long time. They didn't find it."Sunshine" was not found, Zhao Qun was not found, and Lu San was not found. Red plum, white snow, green pine. Wind chicken, salted fish, bacon. New clothes for children, debts for the poor, silk thread for young girls, lucky money for old women. The dying years of winter scenery. New Year is coming soon. Doesn't matter if you are Han, Hmong, Tibetan or Mongol?No matter where you are, Chinese New Year is Chinese New Year.Because everyone belongs to the same ethnic group, they are all descendants of the Yellow Emperor, and they are all proud of it. So are the people in this place. People in this place also celebrate the New Year.Whether you are poor or rich, old or young, male or female, Chinese New Year is Chinese New Year. Every year is sad and every year is over, everyone has to celebrate the New Year, Xiao Fang and Su Su are the same. They have searched many places. Now that they are here, it is the Chinese New Year time, so they stay here to celebrate the New Year. Most of the tourists rushing home for the New Year have already arrived home.There were nine empty rooms in the inn.Pushing open the window and looking out, there are only some rutted horseshoe tracks left in the snow-covered yard.On an Eight Immortals table with faded paint, there was a pot of wine and four full bowls of Chinese New Year dishes, which were specially sent by the shop owner.The bowl is covered with a piece of red paper that reads "Auspicious Ruyi, Gong Xi Fa Cai". There is warmth everywhere in the world, especially during the Chinese New Year.Everyone is willing to share a little bit of their happiness and happiness with those who are lonely and unfortunate. This is the spirit of the Chinese "New Year" and the greatest meaning of "New Year".Perhaps it is for this reason that the custom of celebrating the New Year can be passed down forever. Susu had already set up two sets of bowls and chopsticks, and filled a glass of wine for Xiao Fang. She is a good woman, she has done to Xiao Fang everything a woman can do to a man. When Xiao Fang looked at her, he always felt a little sour in his heart.I can't help but ask myself, "What did I do for her?" In the past two days, she seemed to be very uncomfortable, she couldn't sleep, she didn't eat much, and sometimes she would vomit quietly behind Xiao Fang's back. Xiao Fang took an egg yolk into her bowl, she swallowed it reluctantly, and immediately spit it out again. If Xiao Fang was an experienced man, he should have known why she became like this. It's a pity that he is not, so he asked her: "Are you sick?" Susu shook her head.But she did look sick, so Xiao Fang asked again: "Are you feeling a little sick? What's wrong?" Susu lowered her head, a flush suddenly appeared on her pale face.It took a long time before I got up the courage to say: "I seem to be pregnant." Xiao Fang was stunned, completely stunned. Susu was watching him secretly.Seeing the expression on his face, her eyes immediately filled with pain.Biting his lips hard, as if he was afraid that he would say something he shouldn't say. But she finally couldn't help but speak out. "Do you want to ask me, is the child in my stomach yours? Or Zhao Qun's?" Her voice was trembling with excitement: "I can tell you that the child is yours, because Zhao Qun will not have a child." She tried her best to control herself, and then said: "In Huabula's caravan, when we lived next to you, we made those noises every night, not because we like to do that." "What are you doing for?" "We did it on purpose." Su Su said: "We did that on purpose so that others won't suspect that we are the ones Lu San wants to hunt down. That's why others will suspect you." "Why?" Xiao Fang asked again. "Because Lu San's subordinates are all Zhao Qun's friends, and they all know that Zhao Qun can't do that at all." Susu's voice was even more painful: "Because he is a eunuch." Xiao Fang was stunned again, completely stunned. "Others are wondering why I like a man who is not a man at all." There were tears in Susu's eyes: "It's just that others don't understand the relationship between me and him." She continued: "I like him because of his flaws, because he is the only man I have met in my life who is not good to me because of my body." —Who can fully understand a woman's feelings and thoughts? Neither can Xiao Fang. Susu looked directly at her: "I tell you this, not to ask you to admit that this child is yours. You can still not want him, or you can leave at any time." Xiao Fang started to drink, drinking with his head down, because he was afraid to look at her anymore. He knew she was telling the truth.He couldn't deny that the child was his, and he wouldn't. He is by no means the kind of irresponsible man. It's just that for a rootless prodigal like him, this incident happened too suddenly, and it was so sudden that he couldn't adapt at all. —He actually had a child, with a woman who belonged to someone else. Who could have imagined such a thing. "No matter what, we will still be friends in the future." Susu wiped away her tears and raised her wine glass, "I'm toasting you, do you want to drink?" Of course Xiao Fang wants to drink.When he started to think about finding a second jug of wine, he knew he was going to be drunk today. He was really drunk. At this time, a string of firecrackers sounded outside.The old year has passed, and the new year has begun. On the first day of the new year, morning.