Chapter 16 Chapter 15 A Difficult Word

However, the expression of longing for another life that suddenly appeared on Xiao Wu's face was not fabricated out of thin air by me.When Sun Xiao disappeared for the fourth time at the age of sixty-seven, she told me very embarrassingly and with a little timidity: "Actually, sometimes I also admire my brother, and just walked away like that." On the day when she said this, she was wearing a thin lake green shirt that she cut and sewed herself, with a dark green knee-length skirt underneath.The reason why I remember it so clearly is because I made a joke of her as soon as I met her, saying that she looks like a evergreen.She didn't answer, but said that Sun Xiaoliu had disappeared again and wanted to borrow a phone number from home.

Our family is probably the last one in the village to install a telephone, and the Sun family is probably the only one in the whole world that does not have a telephone.Tiger Sun didn’t install the phone because Mama Sun couldn’t hear the phone ringing because she was a bit of an idiot, saying that there must be something bad going on when the phone rings—maybe something happened to Xiao Liu outside, maybe something happened to Xiao San and Xiao Si outside, Maybe even the freshmen and sophomores in the army are not necessarily the same.In short, the phone is a reminder.So the urging soul seal was installed in the living room of my house.No matter whether you call in or out, it is usually the soul of your mother who is called.Anyway, I don't have any friends outside, and most of my father's friends are dead people on ancient battlefields. We never responded to the phone ringing.I even had the illusion that it never rang.The reason why my mother installed a phone was not for the convenience of the Sun family—in her view, the phone was a necessary tool for me to report my safety from the school dormitory to my family.I hardly ever call because I never remember the number.

I had just passed the last qualification exam in the research institute that day, and when I entered the door, I saw the evergreen flipping through a small book and dialing a number with trembling hands.I leaned against a bookshelf opposite and looked carefully at this woman who I knew so well. Xiao Wu looked exactly the same as she did when she was sixteen or twenty.However, at the age of twenty-five, her toes are particularly attractive—they protrude from the front of the slippers, each one revealing a pinkish red light, similar to a kind of white garlic garlic cloves planted by Mrs. Peng. Terrific; the garlic cloves are also rosy in color, and a mouthful of sweet juice can be tasted after one bite.I really can't imagine, how can such a pair of tender feet practice such amazing martial arts?

But after all, people have practiced it.Just when I was so eager to bite a garlic clove and stare at her toes, she tore off a piece of white paper in a small book with her hands, and with the momentum, the piece of paper flew straight towards me , I tilted my face, and got a blow on my left cheek, as if a large hardcover book was on my shoulders. "Don't look blindly! You are a scholar." Xiao Wu reprimanded lightly, as if he was not serious and annoyed. Next, she made a few more phone calls; it was just to ask people to pay attention, if there was news of her brother, she must call the number of Zhang's mother's house.After finishing speaking, she closed the notebook, straightened her clothes and skirts, and patted the dust and threads on the chair with low eyebrows, as if she had no intention of leaving.I just thought about it, but she said calmly: "Mother Zhang went to wash her hair, she said I can wait here for the call."

"Of course." I said, and slapped that one on me!The slapped paper slipped into a book. "The color of this hairpin has become darker." Xiao Wu suddenly pulled out a crystal green hairpin from the back of her head. "Oh." I responded casually, and continued to look for the books I wanted to bring back to school on the shelf. "Have you forgotten?" Xiao Wu said. "Forgot what?" "This hairpin. You gave it to me that year." Xiao Wu bit the hairpin and combed her shiny black hair again. Almost instinctively, I immediately thought about what happened in the botanical garden that year, then hastily erased it, changed the topic, and said: "Your brother is also true, why did he disappear again; it is very accurate , once every five years, isn't it?"

Xiao Wu let out a long breath, straightened his hair, put it on the hairpin, and said, "This time, he won't even think about coming back. My dad changed the locks inside and out—you know what?" ?Actually, sometimes I envy my younger brother and just leave like that. We used to be sad and worried. But this time, even my mother said that he was reincarnated from a wild ghost and came to our house to grind Human." "There are many stories like this in "Liao Zhai". One said that an old man, who was too old and had no son, went to ask an eminent monk. The eminent monk said: "You don't owe anyone, and no one owes you. How can there be a son? "" I picked up a bag of books, and picked them up. I didn't think they were heavy enough, so I went back and grabbed a few books from the shelf, and said, "Let's put it this way: Xiao Liu was your family's creditor in his previous life."

"Why does the book teach people like this? You can't start a family or raise children just because you're afraid of debts, right?" Xiao Wu stood up and looked at me provocatively. I know: she is a trap.All I have to say is one more sentence, and she will go back to the big aunts and mothers in the village, and scold me—and it sounds very objective and impartial, and scold me without any personal emotion—is Zhang How can you embrace celibacy when you are an orphan in your family?There are three kinds of unfilial piety, and having no offspring is the greatest thing... The topic goes around, and they will smile sweetly and go around to such dick things as whether I have a girlfriend in school.Not being fooled by her, I lifted the bag of books on my shoulders and said, "Let's go. Go back to school."

"It's as if I'm the master." She lowered her head, and the smell of the scarf came out of her body as soon as she spoke.I didn't say anything more, and hurried towards the door, only to hear Xiao Wu behind me suddenly say a few more words: "You don't owe anyone, and no one owes you"—is there really such a happy thing in the world? ?” I stopped, and a thousand words came out of my head suddenly-I could have turned around and told her: yes.That's right.I wanted to fuck you when I was just a little cock.Yes.That's right.We visited the botanical garden several times together, just like a young couple.Yes.That's right.We can really be called childhood sweethearts and childhood sweethearts——I don’t object if you say that the mother is talented and beautiful.Yes Yes!I still can't help but put my hand up your skirt.But so what?Shall we go for a civil marriage?Are you going to set a table for wine and banquet guests?Go to accompany the smiling faces and listen to Uncle Liu and Mother Guo wishing us to have a baby early and then continue to stay in this village to give birth to a bunch of children reincarnated from wild ghosts and watch them grow up. Do you go to the botanical garden and think you are in love?But so what?Why should I fall in love with you just because you are beautiful?Why should I fall in love with you because of your skillful workmanship?Why should I fall in love with you just because you love me?Why should I fall in love with you just because your father thinks that there are scholars lurking in my balls?

Yes, not bad.These are my words from the bottom of my heart.But I know: as long as I look back, these words can't even be said as farts.Just then—thanks to my mother for her kindness—the phone rang.Xiao Wu was nearby and naturally picked up the microphone like a hostess and said "hello", and then "excuse me who are you" like a hostess.Then, she frowned, and handed the microphone to me in disbelief: "Why did I come to you? What kind of "big brother" is he?" Zhang Hanqing.my big brother.People in the Veterans General Hospital, the reason for admission—how should I say it?According to the hospital, "the arachnoid membrane in the back of the brain ruptured and hemorrhaged massively."The assistant of the props team of the film company said that "it smashed the lights on the set".In Big Brother's own words, "they're coming at last".

Carrying a big book bag weighing more than ten kilograms on my back, I made three trips to the bus, and walked around the hospital corridor with seven turns and eight turns for more than half an hour, thinking: don’t wait for me to arrive, Big Brother has already arrived. Dead, that town is not worth it.Fortunately, not only did Big Brother not die, but he was still very energetic. When he saw me, it was like a spring had been loosened under his back, and he straightened his waist and sat up straight. "Didn't you tell Uncle or Aunt?" The eldest brother touched a fishnet-like scarf wrapped around his head.

I shook my head, put down my book bag, and said, "They happen to be away, my mom went to wash her hair, and my dad probably went to see the pictures again; no one else knows." "That's good." The eldest brother stretched out his hand and motioned for me to close the curtain separating the hospital bed, lifted the thin quilt, and took off half of the pair of trousers that the hospital put on, revealing a pair of cotton underwear that was stained with sweat stains and dirt.Seeing that he was about to take off his underwear again, I hurriedly waved my hand to stop him: "I'll help you go to the toilet, what are you doing?" The eldest brother didn't pay any attention to it, he twiddled it with his fingers, took out a piece of cloth scroll from the side of his underwear, and shook it violently.I hurriedly held my breath, and it was too late - a sour smell wafted over my head and face.The eldest brother actually handed the cloth scroll that looked like half a handkerchief to me, and said in a low voice: "You are a doctor, so you must be able to solve this; tell the eldest brother: what does it mean? " "I haven't even got a master's degree, what doctor!" I took a step back, and saw that once the cloth paper was unfolded, it was filled with a bunch of words densely written with a brush. The eldest brother probably saw that I hated the dirty expression of the cloth strip, so he became angry: "What do you hate? Brother! We all come from the same family—your grandfather is also my grandfather, and I I’m still your uncle; you think I’m dirty, but I still think you’re dirty! This piece of cloth has a lot to do with it; Big Brother is desperate and can’t find someone to entrust. Brother, if you don’t help, you’re deliberately killing Big Brother La!" Then, with a sudden movement of his right hand, he pressed lightly on the Tianling Gai twice, then pulled it away a foot, and continued: "I slapped the Tianling Gai down, and the Tianling Gai broke. Younger brother, you can figure it out! " Of course I couldn't watch him play this, so I pulled the cloth strip from his left palm and read it carefully twice.The more I read it, the more I didn't know whether to laugh or be angry, so I quickly threw the cloth back at him and said, "You must not have written this." "Of course I didn't write it. If I could write it, I would become a doctor." The eldest brother carefully spread the cloth strips out on his lap, and said, "Tell me, what does this mean?" Just as I was about to say something, the curtain was lifted, and a skinny young man with dark complexion, brown hair, and a skinny figure came in and said, "Master! You have a friend here—" "Tell him to wait outside." The elder brother roared, and the young man stepped out immediately. The elder brother impatiently waved his hand towards the swaying curtain, and said, "My assistant from the props team is impolite—now Young people are not polite." I didn't care about being polite, so I turned my head and lifted the curtain and ran out, rushed to the door of the ward to stop the assistant, and asked, "What's the matter with the big brother's head?" "It's for the lights on the set." The assistant lowered his head and replied in a low voice, "It's not our fault either! The lights were clearly locked, but it just fell off!" "What did the doctor say?" I asked. "What do you mean the pig's scalp is ruptured and bleeding profusely." At the moment when I translated "pig's scalp" into "spider membrane in the back of the head", two figures passed behind the assistant - the speed is indescribable, and I can only describe it this way: The two figures suddenly disappeared, and it was only then that they remembered that there were indeed two figures that had appeared before.The assistant also looked around for a long time at this moment, shrugged and pouted to himself.Show the expression that young people in the 1980s should have.The first essence of this expression is: It's not my fault.I have to add a few words here: there is nothing wrong with that expression—it was 198!For a year, everyone had this expression on their faces.It's not my fault.I don't like you, I ignore you, I don't care about you.It's not my fault.It's just that to people of my elder brother's or my parents' age, this expression is commonly called "young people are impolite". For the next ten minutes, Big Brother stared at me and counted down the five or six rude young people under him, and sighed from time to time: The times have changed, and there are no rules from top to bottom, from the inside to the outside. ——.No matter how I heard it, how did I feel that he was pointing at He Shou and scolding him for being bald—actually he was trying to fix me.I had no choice but to change the subject and asked, "Why did you smash the lamp?" "The lamp is hanging from the ceiling, and the head is on my neck. If people don't want to hit you, how can they hit you?" The eldest brother said, "If people want to seduce you, can you avoid it? Sigh! I didn't say that." , Since Fan came to the door, I can escape today, but I can't escape tomorrow; that's what happened. They——have come." "Who's here?" I was dizzy when I said such a misty word to the big brother, and I couldn't help shivering.Big Brother wrinkled his face with a rag, gathered hundreds of lines at the corners of his eyes, nose wings and mouth, showing a mischievous expression that only old bastards are willing to show: "You tell me, I'll tell you. ’ Then he pointed to the rag that was spread across his lap. "That's just a song of "Bodhisattva Man"," I said. "What kind of Bodhisattva do you say is missing?" All right.That's it for my weekend.I started with "铱", pronounced "que", and the unit of a word is called "Yi雄". "Bodhisattva Man"/It has nothing to do with any Bodhisattva, Man also has nothing to do with Southern Man, Northern Man, Barbarian... A song "Bodhisattva Man" is a song "Bodhisattva Man"; a popular song after Tang and Song Dynasties.The form became popular, and everyone flocked to insert the newly made lyrics into the form to become a new song, but the title was still called "Bodhisattva Man". "I don't believe you said it was from the Song Dynasty," the eldest brother shook his head violently and interrupted me: "How could this be written by a person from the Song Dynasty?" , or today's people, as long as they understand the lyrics of "Bodhisattva Man", they can compose a poem according to its original rhythm and level." "Then what does it mean?" The eldest brother tilted his head and looked at the piece of cloth, and said, "Tell me some more." I read the word twice, one of which was aloud, So that Big Brother can understand: the forty-four characters on the cloth have certain sentences and rhymes-but I really can't say "what does it mean".Frankly speaking: Who can explain the "meaning" of an ancient poem or word in the vernacular of modern people?It is just an erotic poem about love; what it talks about is, what it talks about is a love that cannot be uttered or let go. Na Que "Bodhisattva Man" is written like this: "The hills are overlapping and no one is silent/Lovesickness flies away tonight/The magpie hates boundless/Idiots are sick and disabled/Ask Qing about the bottom of sorrow/Transfer the words of the blue lamp/Schools don’t talk too much / Xie Chibi is like the sky". The person who wrote this poem used a lot of allusions from ancient poems, so as to build up a beautiful atmosphere that fits the style of pornographic poems—for example: the first sentence uses Wen Tingyun's "Bodhisattva Man" "Xiaoshan overlapping gold" The first half of the sentence.The second sentence uses the artistic conception of Zhang Xian's "Nanxiangzi" "Acacia tonight should look at the moon / Lu Lengyi closes the door alone"; Writing "Shuangfeiqu" followed by "Queqi" makes readers think that "Shuangfeiqu" refers to "Shuangshuang golden partridges" in Wen Tingyun's original words when they read "Lovesickness Tonight Shuangfeiqu".It wasn't until I read "Magpies Rise and Hate Boundless", that I discovered that it was a pair of magpies arranged by the author of the word that "fly away".From this point of view, it seems that the person who wrote this poem deliberately wrote it only for those who are proficient in the history of ci or familiar with the tradition of ci, especially the tradition of difficult ci. I am afraid that the target is not Bai Ding, but must be a master of CI.In addition, the saying "idiots are sick and disabled" may refer to the author's own disability in a certain aspect, and because of the disability, he dare not boldly express his love to the person he likes.This sentence is inseparable from the traditional atmosphere of "every day spends before drinking often sickness" and "not shy away from the beauty in the mirror", but after all, a lot of effort has been made to transform it.The following "Ask Qing's Sorrows" is based on Li Yu's "Yu Meiren" "Ask Qing How Much Sorrow / Just like a river of spring water flowing eastward" and the words of Li Jing, the master of the Southern Tang Dynasty, mocked the poet Feng Yansi's "Yi Jinmen" : ""Blowing up a pool of spring water", what is the matter with Qing?" These two allusions come together.As for the meaning of "moving and writing the characters of Qingdeng", I am afraid that the lyricist has lost all thoughts, has grown disgusted with the mundane world, and wants to escape into Buddhism.However, the origin of the sentence vaguely retains the melancholy mood of "picking up the silver lamp to write what's on my mind" in the Yuan opera.Afterwards, "Scholars don't talk too much" seems to be a message to the onlookers who are not related to this love, so there is no need for persuasion and persuasion, because the white clouds and dogs, things change and the stars change, and the world is beyond human power. Xie Chi Bi is like the sky" is the eye of this word, using the famous line of Jin Xie Lingyun: "The pond grows spring grass / the garden willow turns into a songbird", which means that even the grass that grows from the bottom of the dry pond is dense and prosperous , green like weaving, it goes without saying that the empathy has passed away. It took me at least one or two hours to explain every word, every allusion and technique of every sentence in this erotic poem to Big Brother several times.I saw that the more he listened, the more impatient he became, his eyelids drooped from time to time, and his breath gradually became heavier.When it comes to "the pond grows spring grass, the garden willow turns into a songbird", he simply turned over and lay down, sighing: "No! No! It's simply wrong! Where did all this nonsense love and love come from? I think You kid is in love—no! In love—that’s why you’re here to fool your big brother!” I walked around to the other side of the bed, which is the side where the big brother buried his head and face, and poked his forehead with a finger, and said: "We brothers have agreed--I tell you, you tell me —Now I've told all I know; it's your turn! Tell me: what do you mean by "they've come anyway"?" The big brother, whose face was mostly buried in the quilt, turned one eyeball outward, stretched out a finger to the middle of his lips to make a gesture of lapel, and then said in a low voice, "You take this piece What kind of Bodhisattva took it back home and studied it carefully, and then explained it to me when he came up with a clear reason. My head didn't hurt at first, but now it hurts after I taught you to pull the network like this! You go back first—— —Remember! Don’t tell your uncle or aunt anything.” It was easy enough to teach me to keep my mouth shut—I never had much conversation with my parents; but it would be too hurtful to accuse my analyzes and explanations of our vernacular “bullshit.”After all, I just passed the qualifying examination that morning, and I only need to submit my thesis to get my master's degree. How can I swallow your rudeness?So he immediately turned his face, and said: "If you don't speak clearly, I will sue you—that you are seventy years old and fight with others—see if I don't fix you—" Before finishing speaking, The eldest brother suddenly turned over and sat up again, staring at a pair of dead fish eyes and trying to explode, but his expression changed in an instant, and he smiled pitifully as if seeing a fairy Buddha.At this moment, a big palm stretched out from behind pressed my shoulder, and the person who pressed me said at the same time: "You let him speak clearly, how can he speak clearly?" The man was wearing a doctor's long white coat, with a stethoscope hanging on his chest, a tricolor pen in his pocket, and a playing card in his hand. He smiled and stroked the silver hair combed back from the top door into a bun. I nodded and added a sentence: "What do you think? A white-faced scholar!" I listened to him say this, and took a closer look at him. I always felt that this person had a very familiar face, but he had a funny tone, but I didn't know where I had seen or heard it before.At this time, my eldest brother was full of energy, "Hey hey hey" he laughed aloud, and said, "Why are you here?" The silver-haired doctor didn't answer him, took the rag from his thigh, turned his face and said to me: "Your elder brother taught you to go back and study, and you should go back and study. Write this "Bodhisattva." Man> is definitely not a person who intends to write "erotic words". If you research it, your big brother will definitely have a big red envelope." After speaking, he leaned forward and asked my big brother in a deep voice: "How can I let you People have been sent here? Don't you know that this is "their" territory? Er just came to the door to shake it, don't you know?" After asking three times in a row, my eldest brother didn't answer half a word of nonsense, but his lower lip trembled for a while, and his hands were not idle-he leaned over and took out two balls of crumpled clothes from the drawer beside the bed. Putting on the trousers, I put it on immediately, and muttered in my mouth: "I'm not going to be hospitalized anyway - let's go as soon as we say, Lord Wan!" This silver-haired doctor is none other than Wonderful.He didn't say anything more, he lowered his head and gently stuffed my big book bag under the mattress at the end of the bed, and made a gesture with my elder brother to ask him to lie back on the bed, and when he got up again, he had already stuffed it into my arms. I picked up something white and shivering - I shook it to find out: it was another doctor's gown, which also wrapped a stethoscope and cards. With no control whatsoever, on the evening of April 17, 1971, together with Wan Defu and Zhang Hanqing, I stole a hospital bed out of the Rong Zong ward, drove an ambulance away, and returned all the way. The siren sounded to warn, and finally the ambulance was abandoned at the back gate of Xinzhuang Reconstruction Institute for the Blind.The reason why the car was abandoned there was because the Rehabilitation Institute for the Blind is next door to the school I attended.The reason why he stole out of President Rong's gate together with people and a car was because otherwise he couldn't avoid people's eyes and ears. I couldn't help but asked Wan Defu who was driving on the road: "Whose eyes and ears are you trying to avoid?" "Everyone should avoid it." Wan Defu said: "If I hadn't surveyed you for five years, even you would have to avoid it!" At this point, he turned his head and shouted at the big brother on the hospital bed in the back of the car: "It's bad luck for you to get into this misfortune. You just caught up with another bachelor who ran away from home and made a big mistake; now the strike is tight, and people are arresting him everywhere—in case you are used to top the case, Do you mean wronged or wronged?" Big Brother said nothing, but I couldn't help but ask! ! "What kind of case to close? Why would you use my big brother to close the case? What are you doing?" If I hadn't been so curious, not so inquisitive, and less eager to intervene in a life that didn't belong to me, maybe I wouldn't even have to take this ride—or should I say: maybe I wouldn't have become an accomplice in carjacking one of them.To sum it up, to sum it up: the fact that my life has taken a different path is not entirely due to the fact that my big brother was hit on the head by a two-kilowatt lamp. Wan Defu told me when he drove the ambulance up to Bailing Bridge: His name is Wan Defu, and he is a disciple expelled from the ancestors of the old Cao Gang.My elder brother Zhang Hanqing is similar to him, except that he "run away from home" a little later. As for the other bachelor from Wai San Tang, whose surname was Li, and his name was Shike, after he joined the gang, he changed his name to Li Wuke according to his seniority, until a few days ago. At the beginning of the year—like my elder brother—I couldn’t understand the behavior of the consuls, deacons and other leaders in the gang, so I was angry and asked to be removed from my membership. His original surname; also became a runaway bachelor. In the pre-Qing and early Republic eras, there were often punishments for the single man who ran away from home because of the different regulations of the flag and rudder; for the milder, fingers and hair were cut off, and for the serious ones, amputation, tattooing and the so-called "three The punishment of "six eyes of the sword".In Japan, Mr. Wan issued the command of the head of the helm, allowing the disciples of the gang to abandon their membership and join the army; this was at the beginning of the Anti-Japanese War and before the Songhu Defense War started.In order to make the old Caobang bachelors devote themselves to justice for the country, a rule of "running away from home" was established, and the runaway bachelors were no longer tortured to deter them.Unexpectedly, after Mr. Wan's ascension to heaven, a situation of "clear and flood converging" gradually emerged. Many old Cao gang bachelors were taught by their predecessors since childhood, and they were "unclear but not flood" situation-that is, the old Cao gang actually fell in with each other. Heaven and earth will be in a good situation - very dissatisfied.My eldest brother Zhang Hanqing ran away from home during this wave.However, he never expected that although he did not receive any punishment for abandoning his nationality and going out to gangs, disasters came one after another.On the set, he had already been crushed twice by the collapsing scene, burned by the leaking equipment four times, and even the locked lamp head on the top of his head had already smashed a third hole in his head.Wan Defu said that he was lucky-if there was a ready demand in the security unit, maybe one day he would be arrested and the case would be closed.I said that I don't believe that the public security units can arrest whoever they want, and they can just arrest a bachelor to take the blame if they can't catch the right master. Wandefu didn't argue with me, so he grabbed a newspaper from under the windshield and threw it to me. I looked down and saw that it was the morning newspaper of the previous Friday, with two lines of bold and italic characters printed on it: "Tu Yin Gu The robbery case of the Ting branch is beginning to dawn / the police scouts and rides out to search for the man surnamed Wan". "I am old and not talented, it is this man with the surname Wan!" Wan Defu laughed, and then said: "Let your white-faced scholar believe it or not: after a few days, they can't catch me, and they can't catch Lao Li's words." ;Maybe he caught some runaway bachelor from our old gang again!" I snapped back at him, not very politely: "You bastard." Wandefu didn't seem to be bothered, and just bared his silver teeth at me when he came to the back door of the Reconstruction Institute for the Blind to let me out of the car, and said: "There will be a period of time later, white-faced scholar! You can test that "Bodhisattva Man" good student, in case you want Defu has been waiting for ten to seven years to clear up his doubts; although he is not in a hurry, it may not be too long!" After speaking, there was a strange laughter in the darkness, like the cry of an owl and the weeping of an ape.