Chapter 48 Chapter 47 Because of obsession, so I don't see

She nodded calmly, took the pen, and found that the space in that line was too small.So I wrote my name between the title and the form, carefully writing stroke by stroke, Sheng, Huai, Nan. No one told her how his name was written, but didn't he say that Huainan is a place in the south, even though he is a boy from the north. The teacher raised his eyebrows in surprise, hey, how did you know it was written like that. She laughed, I don't know, just intuition. Looking down, this person's name stood alone and abruptly away from everyone, quiet and lonely.Smells with pride. Later, when she came home, she bought a thick and expensive book for some reason, with textured paper that had been yellowed and a gray-black restrained matte cover, and then wrote the high school book under the orange desk lamp. The first diary.When recording, I have always chosen to write this name again and again with that gray-blue fountain pen, but I still can't find the posture of holding the pen holder in the office and pretending to be calm.She didn't know why she endured curiosity and didn't ask about this person's information, and she didn't deliberately show the slightest praise and surprise for his grades in front of the teacher. She just lowered her head and wrote his essay with no expression. The name, through the back of the paper.

When the report card was handed out, everyone sighed and wailed at the bottom, which she expected. The former leaders of junior high schools restrained their sharpness, pretended to be weak and praised others. The tragic feeling that the sky is about to fall is all a disguise. She sat back in her seat, and suddenly wondered if the students in class 3 would pat him on the shoulder loudly and exaggeratedly and say "you are so good" when they saw his grades?Then will he purse his mouth proudly and pretend to be modest and serious, or will he smile and say "by chance, by chance"?

She had been eager to try for eleven years, treating him as an imaginary enemy, but at that moment, she realized that the distance seemed to be so great. It turned out that Luo Zhi, a good student who was omnipotent in the eyes of others, would realize it in the first exam. We realize that excellence and excellence and perfection are not synonymous. The beginning of her high school life was extremely simple and boring. The days were not salty or dull, going to school, leaving school, taking the 114 bus that was always overcrowded, eating, studying, taking a bath, continuing to study until her hair was dry, and then going to sleep.

The only fun I have is probably reading comics and detective novels, but I can’t stop once I read them. I don’t talk all day after class, and often when I go home at night, I say “I’m back” with a hoarse voice.So when she was nervous about studying, she would read difficult Russian classics. Anyway, such books are thick and convoluted, and even if she read half of them, she would not feel haunted. But from the moment she wrote his name, life began to take on a purpose. She had been paying a little attention to whether there would be any news about Sheng Huainan before. She thought she would become a classmate, but he stumbled in the entrance exam, and his grades only passed Zhenhua's admission line, and he was not qualified to enter the top class.She had been secretly proud for a while, and even her mother thought she was trying to save face when she boasted in front of others.However, she didn't expect that his appearance made her feel embarrassed, and she couldn't even imagine what her mother would think when she saw the three big characters on the list and the shocking grades when she came to the parent-teacher meeting.

However, if she didn't play like this, she wouldn't be the person who made her obsessed with it for 11 years. After the mid-term exam, her classmates were all talking about this person. She sat next to the window, and when she was leaning on the window sill in a daze, she could clearly hear the two girls at the back table chattering about him.Now she can't remember the intoxicated and slightly shy looks of those two girls, but she still remembers their voices, sweet and harsh, when they pronounce the three syllables of "Sheng Huainan", they pronounce the ending "Nan" The pride and clarity, but also so gentle and ambiguous.

Once you hear a person's name and story for the first time, he will appear frequently in your life ever since.However, for Luo Zhi, the strange thing is that he is her classmate in the next class, and she keeps hearing rumors about him, but she hasn't seen him since the beginning of school.She thought, maybe she saw him, but she didn't know it was him. After all, who would know what a five-year-old child looks like when he grows up.However, those girls said that he was very good-looking.If they didn't lie, then Luo Zhi believed that she should have never met him, because most of the boys she saw in this school were not very good.

In the few weeks after the midterm exam, the name and news of this person no longer required her to pay attention to it. The three words Sheng Huainan filled all kinds of conversations. For example, when passing by the basketball court, she heard someone yelling "keep an eye on Sheng Huainan", but she panicked and turned her head away to deliberately not look at the court. For example, the girl at the back table said that Master Sheng ranked third from the bottom of their class in the Chinese grade quiz, and did not fill in any blanks for ancient poems. ! For example, during lunch break at the same table, she came back from watching the basketball league finals and said that the third class had won the championship, and her classmate threw Sheng Huainan into the air, but failed to catch it when it fell.

For example, in the new week, she sat in groups near the door, and heard a group of boys passing by noisy, and a girl shouted loudly, Zou Jin, Longsheng Huainan, you two are on duty this week and you are so late! For another example, their homeroom teacher always sighed when they mentioned this name, as if the glory of the first place in the mid-term exam of their class was overshadowed by the first place in the school year of the third class. At some point, Luo Zhi had a clear wish in her mind, or in other words, a short-term ideal. She doesn't want to see this person for a while. She seldom walked out of the classroom, for fear of accidentally meeting her.Even if she heard someone call this name by the side of the basketball court, she would subconsciously turn her face to avoid it.

As soon as the midterm exams were over, she started studying like crazy.The desk is tidy and orderly, the schoolbag is hung behind the chair, the desk is full of exercise books, there is only a turtle pencil case on the table, kind and innocent eyes are bright, watching her silently doing exercise books, one after another One. In the eyes of others, Luo Zhi, a freshman in high school, is a girl who can't speak more than five sentences a day. If you want to describe her, there are only four words, simple and clean.Simple and clean clothes, simple and clean ponytail, simple and clean expression, simple and clean tone.

To put it bluntly, it was blank. Her crazy efforts are not the same as the ordinary heroines in idol dramas. In order to be treated as equals with the prominent male protagonists, she worked hard to practice in seclusion. One month later, when she appeared on the stage, she surprised everyone... She hasn't met him yet. Not admiration. In the final analysis, she was timid. That wonderful little boy had always been kind, kind, generous and friendly, and she knew that.Even though she chased this illusion for a long time, regarded him as an imaginary enemy, and drove herself with injustice and resentment, she still did not forget that innocent and pure smile.She wraps herself in deep hatred, because hatred is easier and more straightforward than forgiveness and love, and it provides her with a steady stream of motivation to live, and wakes up every morning with an important sense of mission.

If there is no one to hate, she may not even bother to live. However, she was finally admitted to Zhenhua proudly, walked on the same campus with this person, and had the possibility of meeting him every day, but she suddenly became timid, feeling absurdly close to home.What's more, as soon as this person's name appeared on the stage, it made her self-righteous efforts and pride for so many years worthless. It's simple, she's scared. She is not without illusions.Sometimes I just cling to certain scenes and feelings and never forget them. So she will never go out of her way to explore and meet, she just hopes that God can give her another encounter that is as beautiful as when she was five years old and not man-made.For example, one day in the class next door, when she was completely unaware, she burst into exclamation - come and see, Sheng Huainan, this girl scored higher than you in this test, do you know her, she is from the second class of. Then one day in the corridor, someone would point to her and say it was her, Luo Zhi.When she turned around, she saw Sheng Huainan among a group of boys, Sheng Huainan who was as clean and good-looking as when she knew him, she would smile at him, with her prettiest, proudest and calmest smile, and then turned back to In the class, I completely pressed my heart to the bottom of the water.It was a farewell and it was over. People always need some rituals. Rituals give people a sense of solemnity and fate, and give people confidence. No one would understand her inexplicable obsession - how important it is to have an equal acquaintance as imagined. But God will not give her any hope. She met him in the third week after the midterm exam.