Chapter 7 Chapter 6 Hamazur Offensive and Defensive Battle (Part 1)

There's a Germanic savage who says war is a continuation of politics, don't be silly.Yes, war is the continuation of politics, so what kind of continuation is politics?I tell you, it's a woman. —— "Homer's Epic Trojan War, Chapter 1, Section 1" In 2400 of the Republican calendar, the famous left-wing writer Cervantes was exiled to Central America by the Swiss government because he mistakenly called the local employees of the East India Company as pure-bred Aryans in his book "Don Quixote". This caused dissatisfaction among the Germans.The German ambassador threatened to send a battleship to bring this uneducated, anthropological bastard back to Berlin for trial, until he discovered that Switzerland did not actually have an entrance to the sea.

Cervantes lived in Central America for ten years, leaving behind a vast number of mass-produced novels, poems, travel notes and illegitimate children.He finally fell into the fanatical belief in Islamic Sufis, took five stones all day long to force himself into a trance state, walked around the wilderness in loose old clothes, and hoped to meditate on the truth of the universe in this way.Cervantes wrote a series of poems in this state, one of which was "Carnival Narrative Techniques on Reverse Quantum Level Interpretation and Right Angle Sine Thinking on Text Deconstruction at the Cosmic Scale" and finally won him the Nobel Prize in Literature , the organizing committee admitted at the time of the award that the reason for the award was that no one could understand it.Some people claimed that this poem has a miraculous effect on hypnosis, so the organizing committee subsequently awarded him the Nobel Prize in Medicine.

Cervantes died on March 2, 2410 in the Republican calendar. The doctor said that his death was directly related to taking Wushi powder. He originally planned to go to the pharmacy to buy Wushi powder, and then died in a car accident while crossing the road. . The perpetrator was a four-ton steamroller, which drove the tranced literary guru straight into the half-dry asphalt road.Later, this road became as famous as the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Every meter you walk, you can see a mummy of a master who was voluntarily pressed into the road, from Calvino to Fitzgerald.Mark Twain originally applied, but was rejected by the municipality because he was not a belle-letter writer.

When sorting out Cervantes' relics, people found a notebook, which recorded in detail an ancient Mayan city Hamazur he discovered during his travels. According to the description in that notebook, the center of the city-state of Hamazur is a majestic pyramid. It is fifty meters high, with a slope of more than thirty on all sides. bone.The well-ordered buildings spread out around the pyramid: the south area is a beauty salon, basketball court, bar and fitness center; the west area is a beauty salon, government agencies, treasury, nobles and priests' residence area; the north area is a beauty salon, restaurant , food warehouse; the east area is a beauty salon, beauty center and plastic surgery club.

Cervantes explained that he did not understand Mayan writing, and the reason why he was able to clearly understand the functions of these buildings before they became ruins was entirely speculated based on the shape of the Mayan corpses buried under the ruins.For example, he cited a dozen tall corpses in a spacious ruins, they were divided into two parts, surrounded by two fat skeletons that were much shorter than them; there were also several female skeletons, their thighs The bones are all raised high, holding long-rotten flower sticks in their hands; more bones are scattered around, all showing carnival gestures without exception.This must be a basketball court, and it is likely to be playing in the playoffs.

In another ruin, Cervantes unearthed a large number of male skeletons, with pottery vessels placed in front of them, and all the corpses faced in one direction. At the end of that direction was an upright stone pillar and a female corpse.On the other side of the wall hangs a goat skeleton upside down. There is a drum in front of the sheep's hind hooves. The Mayans may have used this simple biological device to create rapid and loud drumbeats, so this should be an ancient temple. bar. There is also a special ruin, which is divided into countless small compartments, and a small condescending pane is opened on the wall of each compartment.The passages between the compartments were extremely complicated. Cervantes was once lost between these compartments for three days, and finally escaped from the maze through the back door of the ruins.Needless to say, this must be the government office in Hamazur.

The buildings that Cervantes found most among the ruins were beauty salons. Most of the corpses in these buildings were women. The two groups of silicide between the fourth rib and the two small brackets on the nasal cavity are still preserved with the skeleton to the present. He concluded that this shows that the beauty technology of the Mayan civilization has reached a very high level, and their fanatical pursuit of beauty is also admirable. It should be said that Cervantes' description is objective and detailed, faithfully reflecting the style and features of an ancient Mayan city-state.There was only one thing he guessed wrong. The top of the Hamazur pyramid was not an altar, but a barbecue grill. This position was high enough to prevent billowing smoke.The Mayans were very respectful of their gods, but only if the gods did not interfere with their normal lives.There is an unauthoritative translation of the Mayan prayers for gods that reads: Almighty Sun God, all glory belongs to you, we humble people are blessed by your grace, and are willing to inherit it for the glory of your name any trials and tribulations.If it doesn't rain tomorrow, we will go to the countryside to worship you.

According to Cervantes, there is a brick wall about four meters high outside these buildings, and a majestic tower is built on it.These structures formed the fortifications of the city of Hamazur, able to withstand any attack the Mayans could imagine. In other words, if the Maya faced an unimaginable threat, the fortifications would be completely useless.And in November of the year 205 of the Republican calendar, this threat was marching menacingly towards Hamazur. The anger of Commander Youhouxi and his subordinates has never been extinguished since the moment Qi was taken away. The entire camp is like a boiling volcano, and the scorching magma may erupt at any time, turning into sharp volcanic cones and piercing Hamazur.

It is an unforgivable sin both in terms of dignity and technology that the women of the dignified Yin and Shang princes would be snatched away by uncivilized barbarians.There is a deep-rooted historical law in the minds of Yin merchants. Culture flows from high-level civilization to low-level civilization, and women flow from low-level civilization to high-level civilization.The impertinent behavior of the Hamazurs is simply a challenge to the theory of evolution of spiritual civilization. Commander Youhouxi officially issued an order to attack the city of Hamazur on November 3. In just two days, the Yin Shang Army completed the preparations before departure.On November 5th, about 8,000 troops left the camp in a mighty way, led by the prisoner, and headed towards Hamazur.

At the head of the line was a group of sappers, who were responsible for widening and leveling the road so that the siege engines could pass through.In the past, the road between Hamazur and Naheim was just a winding jungle path, which was far from meeting the needs.They pushed the huge processed stone balls up the slope, and then pushed them down, destroying everything along the way, skillfully using potential energy and gravity to flatten the road.If it is flat ground, pile up a slope first. Behind the sappers are public relations experts and their parrots. Their job is to keep talking loudly so that people behind can follow the sound and not get lost.There is another reason for putting them at the front of the team. Commander Youhouxi hopes to use their professional knowledge to subjugate the enemy without fighting. Try to avoid unnecessary battles. Killing the enemy is a very expensive thing. Killing prisoners requires easier.

Immediately following the public relations experts was the main corps of the Shang Dynasty. Each of these warriors was equipped with the necessary weapons for siege: melee short knives, simple wooden shields, lime powder, and water bags.Lime powder comes from a limestone on the west side of the camp. This weapon is very effective in actual combat. As long as the enemy does not invent glasses, it is invincible.The water bag is an auxiliary weapon. When the enemy's eyes are covered with lime, the soldier can pass the water bag over by pretending to be a friendly companion, and then say: "Have you lost your eyes?"wash it up. Behind the main corps are the huge siege equipment of the protagonists of this siege battle: torsion trebuchets that can launch stones of various sizes, siege siege studs with countless cannons embedded in their heads, and ladders that are more than ten meters long In addition to these conventional weapons, the skilled craftsmen of Yin Shang also invented some special weapons suitable for rainforest warfare. For example, there is a kind of siege tower called Antarctic Bear. From the front and side, it is a mahogany siege tower as high as 20 meters, with shooting holes and assault passages left on it; Its movement is extremely fast, and it moves freely in the jungle, which is completely out of proportion to its body; but if viewed from behind, the observer will only see a huge set composed of three new silk tree planks, and the middle is completely empty. . This seemingly expensive but low-cost weapon has high strategic value. When the enemy sees ten or even twenty huge siege towers erected in front of him, he will often be overwhelmed by the huge military expenditure of the Yin Shang Army. Shocked, and instead demanding additional budgets from the country's Congress, Parliament, or whatever government branch has a decision-making role, this invariably sparks chaos among politicians, plunging them into endless debates. There is also a fever hospital, which is actually a tree house built on a coconut tree.Usually, it is specially used to accommodate patients suffering from fever. When the commander thinks it is necessary, this hospital will be transported to the front line together with the coconut tree.The coconut trees are first bent to the maximum, then let go, and the whole hospital flies into the enemy camp with the fever-infected. Commander Youhouxi and the wizards walked at the end of the team. The wizards continued to burn tortoise shells and animal bones along the way until the commander was satisfied with the results, which also caused several fires.There are more than a dozen chariot soldiers in the entire rear guard sequence. Commander You Houxi is also a chariot soldier, and he can sing "The Song of the Yin Shang Chariot Soldiers". In his opinion, if a war does not have noble chariot soldiers Soldiers involved, it is simply unimaginable. These chariots were brought out from Yin Shang, but unfortunately there was no shaft horse, so Commander Youhouxi had to send more than 20 soldiers who made minor mistakes to replace the shaft horse.He promised that as soon as enough Mayan slaves were captured, they would be replaced as soon as possible.In the lush jungle, I am afraid that these chariots can only play a role in the city entry ceremony. In addition to the land troops, Commander You Houxi also dispatched five of the twenty warships. His instruction was to let them go all the way south along the coastline, go around the enemy's rear, and move from the ground when the ground troops attacked the city. Sudden attack on the enemy at sea. According to Commander Yuhouxi's estimate, the naval detour would take about three days, and the ground forces should have reached Hamazur by that time.As a result, he seriously underestimated the particularity of the American terrain. These unfortunate sailors who were loyal to the order were anxiously looking for a roundabout channel as they went south. They failed to find the undug Panama Canal, so they had to continue southward, passing through Peru, Chile, and finally It went around the Atlantic Ocean through the Drake Strait, and went north into the Bermuda Sea area. After a year, it finally failed to catch up with the offensive and defensive battle of Hamazur. They thought that they had violated the military orders, so they scuttled a boat and committed suicide in despair.There are legends that the ghosts of these Yin Shang sailors have been hovering over the Baimu sea, trying to ask every passing ship and every plane about the situation of the Yin Shang army. Just as Commander Youhouxi's troops marched in quickly, his spiritual and physical lover Qi suffered inhuman torture and humiliation in the city of Hamazur. The Hamazur people are very curious about this female prisoner whose shape is very different from theirs. No matter day or night, men keep entering Qi's room.Together, sometimes alone, sometimes in two, or even four, they took turns at this frail, literary young woman with the most heinous brutality a woman could imagine. Terrible torture: they said she was ugly. The Hamazurs love beauty, and their pursuit of beauty, as recorded by Cervantes, is driven by a natural sense of superiority.They think about how to make themselves more beautiful all the time, which promotes the development of plastic surgery technology and beauty theory.Hamazur had the most advanced plastic surgery center in the world at that time, the most professional hairdressing consultants, and the most sophisticated surgical techniques.In this regard, a Puerto Rican scholar specializing in aesthetics in the 19th century lamented: Hamazur is close to perfection, if they have normal aesthetics, then there are no shortcomings. Compared with the advanced beauty technology, Hamazur people's aesthetics are very strange. They regard fat as beauty, so there are no slimming clubs and liposuction clinics in Hamazur City, but there are fat culture medium.And there are only three kinds of food in Hamazur City: boiled potatoes, mashed potatoes and French fries.This is called 90, 90, 90 culture by later historians. This is nothing at all, and many nations in the world have also advocated this concept.But the Hamazurs prefer slender limbs and necks as well as fatness.These two hobbies are mixed together to give birth to an extremely terrifying race of humans.They overeat, hoping to gain weight as soon as possible, while putting copper rings around their limbs and necks.When a person's body shaping operation is close to completion, the contradiction between her weight and the support of her legs has reached an irreconcilable point, and she cannot move by herself, and can only be pushed by her male admirers on wooden carts. Fat is beautiful, and the idea that the fatter the more beautiful eventually established the queen system in Hamazur. The fattest woman will win enough admirers, and they will elect her as the supreme ruler of the city-state.The only problem was that the queen was too fat, with her delicate (relatively speaking) limbs degenerated, and she had to stay in the palace motionless, waiting for someone to feed her every day and make her white and fat. The Hamazur people painted these daily life into murals.Cervantes also saw it during his investigation, but he lacked first-hand materials, and mistakenly believed that it was the Maya's observation record of termite nests, and praised their artistic imagination of anthropomorphizing termites. So when the Hamazur people saw that the body size reached 34, 24, and 36, these 90, 90, and 90 believers were so surprised that they could not imagine that there are such ugly women in this world. Qi doesn't understand Maya, but the phrase "you are ugly" is common in languages ​​all over the world, even Maya, which belongs to the chaotic language family, is no exception.She was in pain, which aroused the enthusiasm of the Hamazur people. They forced Qi to eat a lot of vegetables and fruits to ensure that she would not gain weight, continued to provide talking points and forced her to do aerobic exercise, weight loss massage, and so on.In short, all the Hamazur people think are the biggest blows to women who love beauty, and they unreservedly inflicted on Qi. No one is willing to violate Qi, and the Hamazur people feel that even a murderer should not be forced to have sex with such an ugly woman. This inhuman abuse continued for a long time.When the time passed to November 10, 205 in the Republican calendar, things took a turn for the better. That morning, a Hamazur guard came to Qi's cell, threw a bunch of bananas through the window, and began routinely mocking her for her ugliness.Three seconds after the mocking ended, a raw crystal ore roared down from the sky. The silicon dioxide purity of this stone bomb reached 80%, so the guard's brain was easily smashed to pieces. On the outskirts of Hamazur City, the dusty Yin Shang Corps has made final preparations to attack the city.