Chapter 42 Forty-two

It was cloudy again in the evening, with dark clouds in the sky and strong winds again.Louis put on his jacket, zipped it up, and took the car keys from the wall. "Where are you going, Louis?" Rachel asked, without interest in her voice.After dinner she started crying again, a small sob she couldn't stop.Louis had forced her to take a sedative, and now she sat with the newspaper turned over to the crossword puzzle.In the other room Ellie watched quietly, Gage's picture on her lap. "I want to go get some pizza." "Didn't you have enough for dinner?"

"I didn't seem hungry then," Louis told the truth and then added a lie, "I'm kinda hungry now." They held the finale of Gage's funeral at their home that afternoon between 3 and 6. a ceremony.It is a ritual of eating.Steve and his wife brought a hamburger noodle steamer, and Charlton brought a quackie, which she says lasts a long time and reheats easily.The Danicks brought a baked ham.The Goldmans also came with an assortment of cold foods and cheeses, and neither of them spoke to Louis or approached him.Lewis has no regrets.Chad also brought cheese, a hunk of his favorite kind.The Dandrichs took a samara key lime pie.Harry brought some apples.The ritual of mourning with food clearly goes beyond religious ritual.

This is a funeral banquet. Although it is very quiet, people are not restricted from drinking alcohol. Of course, there will be less alcohol than in ordinary dinner parties, but there is still alcohol.After drinking a few glasses of beer, Louis wanted to tell a few funeral anecdotes that his uncle Carl told him, such as Sicilian funerals where bachelorettes would snatch the dead man's shroud and put it in bed afterwards. Under the pillow, because they believe it will bring good luck to their love; the Irish will tie the toes of the dead together at funerals, because the ancient Celts believed that this would prevent the ghost of the dead from wandering around.Uncle Carr said that the custom of tying stickers on dead people's big toes that said "Die on delivery" was probably a continuation of the Irish superstition.Louis looked at the crowd and felt that it was better not to tell these stories.

Rachel was overwhelmed with grief only once, and her mother comforted her.Rachel hugged her mother tightly, sobbing against her shoulder, relaxed and vented like she didn't care about anything.It was impossible for her to do this with Louis.Maybe it was because she thought both of them were responsible for Gage's death, or because Louis was in a trance all day and didn't comfort her at all.Anyway, she turned to her mother for comfort, and her mother was here crying with her daughter, comforting her; Mr Goldman standing behind them with his hand on her shoulder, with a victorious look Look at Louis.

Ellie walked around with a silver plate in her hand, on which were food rolls with toothpicks stuck in them.She held Gage's photograph tightly under her arm. People comforted Louis, and he nodded his thanks, but his eyes seemed to be wandering.His expression was a little cold, and one would have thought he was still thinking about the past, about the accident, about life without his son; no one (maybe not even Chad) would have guessed that he was thinking about how to get Gage from the grave Zhong dug it out in a good way, of course, it wasn't his own intention to do something, it was just because he had to keep something in his mind.This is not what he intended to do.

Louis parked in front of the Orrington store, went in and bought two cases of beer, then called Pizzeria Neapolitan and ordered an onion, pepper, and mushroom pizza.The clerk in the store asked, "Sir, can you tell me your name?" "My name is Lou Creed," replied Louis, thinking of Lord Worth the Terror. "Okay Lu, we're very busy right now, so it might take 45 minutes to get it done... Do you think it's okay?" "No problem." Louis said and hung up the phone.Luis got back in the car, turned the car's engine with the key, and it occurred to him that there might be 20 pizzerias in the area, and he chose the one closest to Pleasant Cemetery.And his son was buried in the Pleasant Cemetery.He wondered uneasily, oh, what the hell is going on here?It's because the pizza here is so good, they don't freeze the donuts, they make their own donuts, throw it up, catch it, people are there to watch them do it, and Gage used to laugh when he saw it get up...

He cut off his thoughts. Louis drove past the Neapolitan Pizzeria towards the Pleasant Cemetery.He thought he already knew what he was going to do, but what harm was there?There is no harm whatsoever. Louis parked his car on the opposite side of the cemetery, and walked across the road to the big iron gate of the cemetery. The big iron gate gleamed dimly in the setting sun, and on it were the words "good-looking" welded into a semicircle with wire.The scenery here, Louis thought, was neither pleasant nor ugly.The cemetery is scattered on several rolling hills, with many trees lined up in long rows, and a few willows that twitch alone in the wind.The cemetery is not silent.The road is nearby, the sound of traffic can be heard, and the lights of Bangor International Airport can be seen.

Louis reached for the cemetery gate, thinking it must be locked, but it wasn't.Maybe it's too early for a lock.But they lock the door only to keep drunks, vandals, and naughty teens out.The story of the gravedigger no longer happens.The door on the right squeaked open, and Louis looked behind him to make sure no one had seen him before walking in.He closed the door casually, hearing the latch click and fall. Standing in this place full of dead people, he looked around and thought, what a nice private domain.But I don't think anyone is there.He heard Chad's worried and fearful voice, yes, fearful voice: Louis, what are you doing here?You're looking up a road you don't want to walk.

Louis pushed the voices out of his head.If he wanted to torture anyone it was himself and no one needed to know he was here because it would be dark soon. He began to walk toward Gage's grave, making a turn at first, and after a while he was among the rows of trees, the leaves rustling above his head.Louis' heart was pounding.Graves and tombstones are roughly arranged in rows.There's probably an undertaker's quarters somewhere in here with a nice map of the burial plots showing which plots have been sold and which haven't, like an estate sale, a one-bedroom house for those who sleep which provided.It doesn't quite look like a pet cemetery, Louis thought.This surprised him, and he couldn't help but stop and think for a while. The graves in the pet cemetery give people a sense of chaos and order.The graves stretched toward the center in a centripetal pattern, as if children had unconsciously buried their pets out of that pattern, as if... for a moment, Louis felt that the pet cemetery was like an advertisement... attracting people.The graves, the circle of graves, seemed to be symbols of some oldest religion.These circles gradually extend, not ending at one point, but extending to infinity. Whether there is order in chaos, or chaos in order, it all depends on people's own brains.This is the mark left by the Egyptians on the tombs of the pharaohs.This symbol appears in many mysterious places, as well as in the Bible. This spiraling circle is the oldest symbol of magic in the world.

Louis finally made it to his son's grave.The green blanket around the grave has been taken away by workers.Where Gage now lies is a neat rectangular grave, perhaps five feet long by three feet wide, with no headstone yet erected. Louis fell to his knees, the wind blowing his hair, the sky was almost dark now, the sky was full of dark clouds. No one shone a flashlight in my face and asked what I was doing here.No dog barked at night.The gate was not locked.The age of the gravedigger is over.If I come here with a shovel and a pickaxe... Louis shivered. A dangerous thought was running through his mind, and he pretended that the cemetery was unguarded at night.What if some night watcher or undertaker found him hiding in his son's tomb?Maybe he'll be in the papers, but maybe not.He may be charged with a crime.What kind of sin?The crime of robbing grave property?impossible.Mischief or vandalism are more likely.Newspapers or not, stories circulated of local doctors being found digging the grave of their two-year-old son, who had just died in a recent car accident.He might lose his job, and even if he didn't, Rachel would be terrified of it, and Ellie would be laughed at and ridiculed by her classmates at school for saying it.In order to avoid charges, he may have to undergo a sanity test.

But I can bring Gage back to life!Gage can come back to life! Does he really believe this? The truth is he believed it, he told himself time and time again, both before and after Gage's death, he told himself that Church the kitten wasn't really dead, but just knocked unconscious, and Church himself broke free from the grave Came out and came home as in a story told to children about a stupid master who piled a pile of stones on top of a living animal.It's nice that the faithful animal digs up the rock and returns home, except it's not true, Church is dead.The Meek Mike Graveyard brought it back to life again. Sitting next to his son's grave, Louis tried to clear his head, get some sanity, make his thoughts more logical. Now, it's time to think about Dim's story.First, does he believe the story?Second, does it matter? Louis believed that much of the story was true, and there was no doubt that if a place as mysterious as Mi'k Mike's Cemetery existed, and if people knew of its magic, sooner or later someone would try it.Lewis understands that human nature makes it difficult to just bury a few pets and let it go. Well, then—does he also believe that Dim was resurrected and turned into some kind of omniscient demon? This question was difficult to answer, and he had to be more cautious in answering it, because he didn't want to believe it.He had seen this kind of determination and the result of this kind of thing before, like Church. No, he didn't want to believe that Dim had turned into a demon, but Louis wouldn't—never allow himself to let his thoughts cloud his judgement. Louis remembered the bull, and Chad said that the bull had become evil, so Dim had become evil.Later, the bull was killed by the man who brought it back to life.Dim was also killed by his dad. But can it be said that because the bull has turned bad, does it mean that all animals have turned bad?cannot.The bull does not represent the general, it is a special case of the general.Look at the other animals, Chad's dog Spot, the old woman's parrot, and Church.They have all been resurrected, although they have changed a bit, but if you don't pay attention, you can't see those changes.At least, there wasn't much change in Spot's dog, which is why Chad led me to the grave without hesitation... Yes, digging graves.How could he miss this good time, this unbelievable time, and there is another precedent for Dim's resurrection.A swallow doesn't mean summer is here.Just because Dim resurrected as evil doesn't mean that everything revived will be evil. Another voice in Louis's head protested: You're looking for evidence that favors the conclusion you want.You should think about the changes in this kitten Church, even if you want to say that it is his nature to kill mice and birds, then what do you think of his clumsy appearance.Clumsiness sums it all up.Do you remember what Gage looked like that day when the kite was flying?How dynamic he was in responding to things.Wouldn't it be better to let him live in memory like that?Do you want to dig a zombie from the grave, or a boring moron?A kid who'll never write his name while chewing on his fingers and staring blankly at TV?What did Chad say about his dog? "It's like bathing a piece of meat", do you want that too?A walking corpse that can breathe?Even if you don't mind any of this, how do you explain to your wife that your son came back from the dead?How to explain to my daughter?Explain to Steve and all?Mrs. Dandridge was driving What would have happened if she saw Gage riding his tricycle in the yard for the first time?Louis, can't you hear her scream and see her scratching her face with her fingernails?What do you say to reporters?How would you explain it to the camera crew from Real Life Magazine?They'll crowd your door, trying to take pictures of your resurrected son. Do these things really matter?Maybe it's just the voice of a coward?Does he believe these things can't be handled?Did he believe that he would embrace his son who had risen from the dead with tears of joy? Yes, Louis thought it was possible to bring Gage back to life, but he would probably be smaller and mentally retarded.But will this change his love for his son?Children are born blind and their parents love them.Children grow up to commit crimes, and their parents plead with judges on their behalf. Did he believe that if Gage was 8 years old and had to use diapers he couldn't possibly love his son?If the son is 12 years old and still can't master the basic knowledge of the first grade, will he not love his son?He believes he will continue to love his son no matter what happens. But, Louis, my God, you don't live in a vacuum!people will say you... Louis interrupted his thoughts abruptly. The last thing he should think about now is probably the public discussion. Louis glanced at the dirt beside Gage's grave, feeling a pang of fear.Unknowingly, he drew concentric circles with his fingers.He dug a few handfuls in the dirt with his fingers, erasing the spiraling circles.Then he hurried away from Pleasant Cemetery, feeling as if he had violated someone else's land, imagining that he might be seen, so he stopped at every bend in the road to see if anyone was there. He was late when he got to the pizzeria, and although the pizza was still sitting on the top shelf in a large oven, it was a bit cold, greasy and tasteless.Louis ate one and threw the rest of the biscuit, along with the box, out the window on the drive home.He wasn't much of a litterer, but he didn't want his wife to see that barely eaten pizza in the trash.This might lead to speculation from his wife that he went to Bangor for something other than pizza. Louis was now thinking of time and circumstances again. time.Time may be the most important and critical factor.Dim has been dead for a long time before his father took him to the Meek Mike cemetery; Dim was killed in the field on the 19th, Dim was... I think July 22nd Buried, probably four or five days after that Markie saw Dim on the road. Well, let's say Bill is four days after his son's original burial... nope.If he made a mistake and the time was wrong, say conservatively, three days later, assuming Dim was resurrected on July 25th, there were 6 days between his death and resurrection, which is a conservative estimate.It could be as long as 10 days, but for Gage, it's only four days so far. Time has been wasted for him, but compared with the time interval between burying Dim in the Mimic Mike cemetery And much shorter.if…… If only he could make the environment the same as the one that brought Church back to life again.Because Churchill died just in time, didn't he?None of his family was here at the time, no one knew, it was just him and Chad.His family has all gone to Chicago. For Louis, the last part of the idea fell into place too. Rachel stared at him and asked in surprise, "What do you want us to do?" It was a quarter past ten, and Ellie had gone to bed.Rachel looked dazed and silent as she packed up the rest of the funeral banquet and took another sedative, but she seemed to wake up with a start from what Louis had just said. Louis repeated patiently: "I want you to go back to Chicago with your parents. They leave tomorrow. If you call them now and ask about the flight, and then call the airline right away, maybe you can get on the same flight." Walk together." "Louis, are you crazy? You just fought with my dad..." Louis suddenly found himself eloquent, like a football substitute who suddenly gets the ball and dribbles it smoothly.He's never been a good liar, but this is when a string of lies comes out: "Our war is one of the reasons I want you and Elle to go back with them. Rachel, it's time we got back together, I knew This ... I sensed in the foyer of the funeral church that I was going to make up with them. Before we went to war, I was trying to mend the rift between us." "But this trip...Louis, I don't think it's a bad idea at all, we need you, Louis. And you need us, either of us..." "Nobody should be here," Louis said forcefully, interrupting his wife.He felt like he was going to have a fever, and he went on, "I'm glad you need me, and I do need you and Ellie, but right now this shitty place is the worst place in the world for you. Darling Yes, every corner of this house reminds us of Yiji, for you and me, for sure. But I think it will be worse for Ellie." Louis saw the pained look in his wife's eyes and knew he had persuaded her.He himself felt somewhat ashamed of the victory.In the textbooks he had read, as long as they talked about death, they said that the first and strongest desire of the newly bereaved is to stay away from the place where their loved ones died... But if they really follow this impulse, it will often be difficult for them. Even more harmful, because it can make the bereaved refuse to face the new reality.The book says the best thing to do is to stay where you are and fight the grief until eventually the grief will be just a memory.But Luis was afraid to keep his family at home and experiment with grieving, at least not for a while. Rachel said: "I know, it's just...just heartbreaking everywhere in the house. I moved the couch when you went to get pizza in Bangor...I want to vacuum Cleaning the house makes me forget...forget things...but I found four of his toy cars under the couch...as if they were waiting for him to come back and...you know...playing with them ’” Rachel’s voice, which had been trembling, stopped, tears streaming down her face.She continued: "That's when I took another sedative. Because I started crying again, like I am now... oh what a tragedy it is... hold me Louis you hold me please?" Louis did hug his wife, which he did well, but he felt like a liar, and his mind was on how he could make his wife's tears more favorable to him in convincing her to go to Chicago.Well done, lad, all right, hey-ho, let's go. Rachel cried, "How long did that happen? Is it over? Louis, if we could get him back, I swear I'd take better care of him and it would never happen again. Just because the driver was going so fast, I...we didn't catch him. I didn't know the pain was so bad. But it's true. Luis, this pain comes and goes, it's so overwhelming. Luis I can't get rid of it, even when I'm sleeping. I dream over and over again, and I see him running up the road... I scream at him..." "Shh," Louis said, "Shh, Rachel, stop talking." Rachel looked up at Louis with her swollen face and said, "Louis, this is so unfair to him, like he's a bad boy, he probably thinks it's a game...we chase, he runs...but the truck drives Came at the wrong time... Mrs. Dandleridge called while I was crying... saying she saw in the American that the driver tried to commit suicide." "what?" "The driver attempted to hang himself in his garage. He was devastated, depressed, and the paper said..." "Too fucking bad he didn't control the car well," Louis said savagely.But his voice sounded far away, and he felt cold all over.A voice in my head said: Louis, that place is magical...it was magical before, and I fear it is magical again.Louis continued: "My son died, and he came out after paying a bail of 1,000 yuan. He will feel depressed and want to commit suicide. But after some judge revokes his driver's license for 90 days and fines him a small sum, he will You'll feel at ease again." Rachel said in a dull voice, "Mrs. Dandrich said his wife left him with the children. She didn't read it in the papers, she heard it from somebody. The driver wasn't drunk. , and no drugs, and he has never been convicted of speeding before. He said that when he drove to Luther Township, he felt like he was stepping on a piece of cast iron. The brakes failed, so the car accelerated. .” He felt like stepping on the brakes on a piece of cast iron, the brakes failed... There is a magic in that place... Louis dismissed those thoughts abruptly.Gently holding his wife's arm, he said, "Call your parents, now. You and Ellie don't deserve another day in this house. You can't stay another day." Rachel said, "Louis, we can't do without you. I think we...I need us to be together." "I'll be with you in three or four days." If all goes well, Rachel and Elle could be back in two days, but Louis goes on to say, "I've got to get someone to do my school work, Temporarily at least. My sick leave and vacation are coming up soon, but I don't want to make it too difficult for Hado. Chad can help with the house while we're away, but I guess the power is out, our food It can go in the freezer at Mrs. Dandridge's." "What about Ellie's school..." "Whatever it is, it's only three weeks until the holidays, and they'll understand, that's the way the circumstances are. They'll arrange to give her a holiday earlier. It'll work, as long as..." "Louis?" Louis stopped talking and asked, "What's wrong?" "What are you hiding?" "Hiding it?" Louis said, looking at Rachel frankly and clearly, "I don't know what you're talking about." "You do not know?" "Yes, I don't know." "Nothing. I'll call them now . . . if you really want to." "Yes," Louis said, and the words echoed in his brain like the iron bar. Rachel's eyes were red from the sedative, and she looked at Louis with a glassy eye and said, "This might be the best thing for Ellie. Louis, you look a little feverish, as if you're about to get sick." Like." Before Louis could answer, Rachel had gone to the phone and called the hotel where her parents were staying. The Goldmans were a little overjoyed to hear that Rachel was taking Allie with them to Chicago, and they weren't too interested in the idea of ​​Louis going to Chicago in three or four days, but finally they didn't have to worry about him. worried.Louis didn't want to go to Chicago at all, and he was worried that he would have some trouble booking a plane ticket, but luck was on his side.The airline still has tickets to Cincinnati, from which they can transfer to Chicago, which means that Rachel and Ellie can take the same flight as the Goldmans, but Rachel and Ellie need to get off the plane in Cincinnati , and then transfer to Chicago, they will arrive an hour later than the Goldmans. It's almost like magic, Louis thinks, when he hangs up the phone, and then Chad's voice rings in his ear again: It used to be full of magic, I'm afraid... Louis said gruffly to Chad's voice in his mind: Oh, fuck it, my good friend, I've learned to accept a lot of strange things in the past ten months.But would I believe that the hell can affect airline ticket sales?I guess I don't believe it. Rachel watched as Louis jotted down the messages in the notebook next to the phone and said, "I've got to pack my bags." Louis said, "Take a big suitcase." Rachel widened her eyes in surprise and said, "All my clothes and Ellie's are in the same suitcase? Louis, are you kidding me?" "Okay, take two more handbags, but don't pack a load of clothes like three weeks, you'll wear yourself out," Louis said, thinking, especially since you might soon be Come to Luther Tower.He continued: "Just grab enough for a week or 10 days, grab your checkbook and your credit card, and buy what you need." Rachel began to say suspiciously, "But we can't pay..." She seemed suspicious of everything now.He remembered his wife's strange hesitant comment once when he said he wanted to buy something, and it was the same sentence: "We can't afford..." "We have money," Lewis said. "Oh... I think we can use the money for Gage to go to college if we need it, although it will take a day or two to convert it into a savings account and a week to convert it into cash..." Rachel began to cry again.Louis hugged her and said, "Rachel, don't, don't cry." She was right, Louis thought, this had been hurting her forever, and it would never end. But Rachel started crying anyway—she couldn't stop crying. While Rachel was packing upstairs, the phone rang.Louis jumped up to answer the phone, thinking it was someone from the airline's reservations office, telling him they had made a mistake and that they were out of tickets.Louis thought, I should have known it wasn't going to go so well. But it wasn't the reservations office that called, it was Goldman. Louis said, "I'll get Rachel." "No." For a moment Goldman said nothing, only silence.Louis thought he might be sitting there trying to decide whether to call me by my first name or my last name. When Goldman spoke again, his voice was tense, as if he was trying to force out something he didn't want to say: "I want to talk to you. My wife wants me to call you, for my... Apologize to you for my behavior. I think, Louis, I want to apologize to you too." Why, Goldman!What a big shot you are, apologies to me 2 my god, I think I'm about to pee my pants!Louis thought in his heart, but he replied dryly and mechanically: "You don't have to apologize." "What I did was inexcusable," Goldman said.This time he didn't seem to be forcing himself to say those words, he seemed to be coughing them up.He went on: "You suggested that Rachel and Allie come to Chicago to show me that you are a generous person . . . while I have always been narrow-minded." There was something strangely familiar to Louis in what the old man said... and then he remembered, and the corners of his mouth twitched, like biting into a green lemon.The way Rachel talked, she didn't realize it herself, but Louis was sure it was the same way Rachel talked when she repented.She always said, I'm sorry, Louis, I was so annoying.But actually she's got what she really wants, and that's the sound.Yes, that voice that robs Rachel of her liveliness, but it's the voice that seems to say, Louis, I'm sorry, I'm such an old bastard. The old man was taking his daughter and granddaughter back again, they were going home, they were going back to where they belonged, where Goldman wanted them to be.Now Louis could have the magnanimity to let them go back.As far as Goldman Sr. knew, Louis had won.Let's forget everything and let the past pass, Louis thought in his heart, but said calmly: "It's okay, Mr. Goldman, that day... oh... we were a little too excited and sad that day." "It does," Goldman insisted.Louis realized, though he didn't want to, that Goldman wasn't talking diplomacy or just saying sorry, and the old man was on the verge of tears.Slowly and tremulously, he said, "It was a terrible day for all of us. It was me, this stupid, stubborn old man, who hurt my daughter when she needed it most. ...I hurt you too, Luis, maybe you need my help and I hurt you. You do it...do it...especially after I do it...it makes me feel like shit , and I think that's exactly how I should feel." Louis thought, Oh God, let him shut up, let him shut up before I yell at him and get mad. "Louis, Rachel may have told you that we have a daughter..." Louis said, "It's Zelda, yes, Rachel told me about Zelda." Goldman then said in a trembling voice: "It was so hard, it was hard for all of us. Maybe it was the hardest for Rachel. Rachel was there when Zelda died. But it was also painful for me and her mother, who almost collapsed..." Do you know what happened to Rachel?Louis almost wanted to yell out, do you think a child can't have a nervous breakdown? Twenty years later she is still haunted by the horrors of death.Now that this has happened, this horrible sad thing, it's a miracle she's not in the hospital.So don't tell me how hard it is for you and your wife, you old bastard. "Since Zelda died, we've been... I think we've been very attached to Rachel... always trying to protect her... always wanting to make up for her. Do something for her later years of... back pain Compensation, compensation for not being there." Yes, the old man was really crying.Why did he have to cry?It made it harder for Louis to keep his anger and hatred inside him.Harder but not impossible.Louis deliberately recalled Goldman reaching into his pocket and pulling out a checkbook...but suddenly he seemed to see Zelda in the dark, like a restless ghost, with a face full of curses and pain, and hands like birds. Claws, Goldman's Ghost, Worth the Great.Louis couldn't think any more.He said, "Please, Mr. Goldman, please, please, stop talking and let's not mess this up again, okay?" "I now believe you're a good guy. I've seen you wrong in the past. Louis, oh look, I know what you're thinking, am I that stupid? No, I'm kind of stupid, but not that stupid, you think I'm Saying all this because I can now and you're thinking, oh yeah, he got what he wanted, he tried to buy me off before, but...but, Louis, I swear..." Louis said softly, "Stop it, I can't...I really can't listen to it anymore." Now that Louis' voice was trembling, he continued, "Stop it, okay?" "Okay," Goldman finished with a sigh, which Louis thought was a sigh of relief, but Goldman said, "But let me say it again. I'm sorry. I apologize to you. You don't have to." Gotta take it. But the reason I'm calling, Louis, is to apologize to you." "Okay," Louis said.A thought flashed into his head, it was attractive and sensible, he would let the past go... he would leave Gage buried in Pleasant Cemetery, he would not open the closed door but to bolt it, lock another lock, and throw away the key.He was going to do what he told his wife to do, get things in order here and fly back to Chicago.They probably spent all summer there, him and his wife and his kind daughter.They will go to the zoo, the planetarium, and go boating on the lake.He would take Allie to the top of the Sears Tower, show her the rich and dreamy land of the Midwest like a big chessboard.In mid-August, when they return to the house, which now looks sad, maybe it will start all over again.Maybe they'll weave life again, but all that's left on the loom of Creed's life are ugly, wet threads. But wouldn't that be the same as murdering one's own son?Like it killed him a second time? A voice inside Louis tried to argue that it wasn't, but he simply didn't want to hear it.他很快斩断了那个声音。 路易斯对戈尔德曼说：“戈尔德曼，我现在得走了。我要看看瑞琪儿是不是把需要的东西都整理好了，然后让她上床睡觉。” “好吧，再见，路易斯，再一次……” 要是他再说一次对不起，我准会大叫起来。路易斯心里想着，嘴上赶快打断了戈尔德曼的话说：“再见，戈尔德曼。”然后挂上了电话。 " 路易斯上楼后发现瑞琪儿找出了一大堆衣服，床上、椅子上、衣架上到处都是，窗户下摆了一排鞋子，像列队的士兵。她好像能慢慢地装好这些衣物，路易斯看出这些东西至少得装三个衣箱，但是他觉得跟她争论也没意义，于是他全力以赴地帮助瑞琪儿收拾起来。 在他们一起系最后一个衣箱时，瑞琪儿问：“路易斯，你肯定没什么事情要告诉我吗？” “看在上帝的份上，亲爱的，有什么事啊？” 瑞琪儿平静地回答：“我不知道是什么事，因此我才问你呢。” “你认为我想做什么？躲起来藏起来？参加马戏团去？还是做什么？” “我不知道，但我觉得不对劲，好像你正试图摆脱我们。” “瑞琪儿，这大荒谬了！”路易斯有些被激怒了，他激动地说。即使他那样掩饰自己，还是有些对被轻易看穿感到愤怒。 瑞琪儿微微笑了一下说：“路易斯，你从来不是一个出色的说谎的人。” 路易斯又要开始抗议，瑞琪儿打断了他说：“昨天晚上艾丽梦见你死了。她哭醒了，我进到她的屋里，陪她睡了两三个小时又回来和你在一起的。她说在梦中你坐在餐桌边，眼睛睁着，但她知道你死了。她说她能听到史蒂夫的尖叫声。” 路易斯心情忧郁地看着妻子，终于说：“瑞琪儿，艾丽因为弟弟刚死，她做梦梦到家里又有亲人死了，这是很正常的……” “是啊，我自己也那么推测。但是她讲那事时的样子……里面的情节……我听着像是有种预言的味道。”说完，瑞琪儿笑了一下，说：“也许，你必须在那儿。” 路易斯说：“是的，也许吧。” 我听着好像有种预言的味道。路易斯脑子中又响起妻子刚说过的话。 瑞琪儿又说：“你跟我一起上床睡觉吧，镇静药的药劲已经过去了，我不想再吃了。但是我害怕，我一直都在做我的那些怪梦……” “梦见什么？” “梦见赛尔达。自从盖基死后这些天来，我一入睡，就梦见赛尔达。她说她来找我，这次她会抓住我了，她和盖基都会抓住我的，因为是我让他们死去的。” “瑞琪儿，那只不过是……” “我知道，只不过是梦，很正常的。但陪我一起上床吧，路易斯，要是你能的话，就帮我把梦赶跑。” 他们两人挤在路易斯的床上，躺在黑暗里。 “瑞琪儿？你还醒着吗？” "yes." “我想问你件事。” "Go ahead." 路易斯犹豫了一下，他不想再给妻子带来更多的痛苦，但他必须知道这件事的答案。他终于问妻子：“你还记得儿子九个月时我们对他产生的那种恐慌吗？” “记得，记得，我当然记得了。为什么提这件事？” 盖基九个月大时，路易斯发现儿子的头部大小与医书中婴儿每月头部大小总表中的数字相差不小。四个月时，盖基的颅骨就长得足够高了，但后来又长得比正常孩子的颅骨高度还高，他的头倒是能抬起来，但路易斯还是带着儿子去找了中西部地区最好的神经科专家塔蒂夫。瑞琪儿想知道怎么了，路易斯说他担心儿子会有脑积水。瑞琪儿当时脸就变白了，但她还是保持镇静地问：“我看他很正常。” 路易斯也点头说：“我也是这么看的，但是我不想忽略了这事，亲爱的。” 瑞琪儿说：“对，你一定别忽视，我们一定不能掉以轻心。” 塔蒂夫量了盖基的头盖骨，皱了一下眉头。他又在盖基面前竖起两支手指，盖基往后缩了一下，塔蒂夫笑了，路易斯心情轻松了一点。塔蒂夫又给盖基一个球让他抱着。盖基抱了一会儿，然后球掉在地上了。塔蒂夫捡起球在地上拍着，看着盖基的眼睛有无反应。盖基的眼睛追着球看。 后来在办公室里塔蒂夫对路易斯说：“我认为他得脑积水的可能性是百分之五十，不，可能比这稍高一点。要是有这病的话，也只是轻微的，他看起来很警觉。要是有问题的话，现在有种新的分流手术会很容易解决这问题的。” 路易斯说：“分流手术意味着脑部手术？” “小的脑部手术。” 路易斯刚学习过这个手术过程，分流手术是要把脑子里多余的积液抽出来，他觉得这可不是小手术。但是他没说，心里暗说要感谢还有这样的手术治疗。 塔蒂夫接着说：“当然了，还有一个极大的可能性，就是你的儿子头部对一个九个月的孩子来说确实大了一些，我想先给他做个脑部CAT扫描，你同意吗？” 路易斯同意了。 那天晚上盖基在医院里接受治疗，先给他做了麻醉，然后进行脑部扫描。瑞琪儿和路易斯在楼下焦虑地等着。艾丽被送到外祖父家，她不停地看电视。对路易斯来说，那段时间难熬极了，他不断地想着可能出现的危险情况，麻醉中可能死去，手术中可能死去，脑积水带来的轻度痴呆、癫痫、失明……噢，会有各种各样的可能性。 大约5点钟塔蒂夫走进路易斯他们等着的房间，他拿出三支烟，给了路易斯和瑞琪儿一人一支，自己又放进嘴里一支说：“孩子没事，没有脑积水。” “点着烟吧，”瑞琪儿边哭边笑地说，“我要一直抽到大吐为止。” 塔蒂夫咧着嘴笑着给他们点着了烟。 路易斯现在想：塔蒂夫，上帝没让盖基得脑积水是要等到在这15号公路上收走他啊。 路易斯接着问妻子：“瑞琪儿，要是儿子得了脑积水，手术也没成功的话……你还能爱他吗？” “你这是什么怪问题啊，路易斯！” “你能吗？” “我能，当然能，不管发生什么事我都会爱他的。” “即使他是个痴呆儿？” "yes." “你会想把他送进疯人院吗？” 瑞琪儿慢慢地说：“不，我想不会的。我想，就你现在的收入情况，我们能支付得起……一个真正的好地方。我是说……但我想只要我们能够，我还是要让他跟我们在一起……路易斯，你为什么问这个？” “噢，我猜你还在想你的姐姐赛尔达。”路易斯对自己的油嘴滑舌感到吃惊，不过他还是接着说：“因此想知道你是否还能承受得住那种痛苦。” “那不一样。”瑞琪儿说，听起来她像是觉得有点好笑。她接着说：“盖基是……噢，盖基是盖基，他是我们的儿子。这是最重要的。我想，可能会很难的，但是……你想让他进疯人院吗？像派恩兰的那个地方？” "No. “那我们睡觉吧。” "good idea." 瑞琪儿说：“我现在觉得我能睡着了，我想把今天这一天都抛到脑后去。” 路易斯说：“感谢上帝。” 很长时间以后，瑞琪儿睡意朦胧地说：“路易斯，也许你是对的……只是些梦和模糊的东西。”“当然了。”路易斯亲了一下妻子的耳垂说：“现在睡觉吧。” 我听着好像有种预言的味道。 路易斯没有睡多长时间，在他醒着的时候，他看到弯弯的月亮透过窗户在看着他。