Chapter 9 nine nights

It was almost like a class reunion, and while the atmosphere wasn't exactly cheerful, there was no reason to imagine it would turn tragic.Edward Tagliaferro had just returned from the moon, and his legs had not yet adapted to the gravity of the earth, so he met the other two in Stanley Kaunas' room.Kaunas rose mildly to welcome him, and Battersley Riggle merely sat and nodded to him. Talliaferro carefully lowered his muscular body toward the couch, his weight unaccustomed to him.He grimaced, his full lips stretched to meet the beard on his chin, cheeks and upper lip around it. They had seen each other in a more formal setting earlier in the day and it was their first time together alone."What a rare opportunity," Tagliaferro said. "It's the first time we've seen each other in ten years. In fact, it's the first time since graduation."

Rigel's nose twitched uncontrollably.His nose was broken shortly before graduation, and he received his degree in astronomy with his face bandaged.He asked angrily, "Did anyone order champagne or something?" Says Tagliaferro: "Come on! The first-ever Interplanetary Astronomy Congress is not a place to be pompous, and neither is it among friends!" Kaunas interrupted suddenly: "This is the earth. It's not quite right, I'm not used to it." He shook his head with a depressed expression on his face. Tagliaferro said: "I know. I also feel heavy and exhausted. You are more comfortable than me when it comes to this, Kaunas. The gravity of Mercury is the normal standard 0.1 It’s only 0.16 times on the moon.” Seeing that Rieger was about to speak out again, he blocked him first: “On Ceres, they created a simulated gravitational field and adjusted it to 0.8. You’re fine at all, Rieger you."

The Ceres astronomer looked worried and said, "The problem is that there are many outdoor environments. I don't need to wear a space suit when I go outside. I find it awkward." "That's right," Kaunas agreed, "and let the sun shine on you, let it shine." Tagliaferro felt that it didn't take long for him to adapt to the environment unconsciously.They hadn't changed much, and he didn't think he had changed much.Of course, ten years have been added.Riegel had grown fat, and Kaunas's thin face had added a bit of resoluteness, but if they met face to face, they would still recognize him.

"I don't think the Earth is making us feel awkward, let's face it," Tagliaferro said. Kaunas looked up at him sensitively.He was a short man with nervous, rapid movements of his hands, and he wore clothes that seemed too big for him. He said: "It's Villiers! I know. I think of him sometimes." Then he said helplessly: "I got a letter from him." Rigel sat up all of a sudden, his olive-like face became even more gloomy, and he said with suffocation, "Really? When?" "A month ago." Riggle turned to Tagliaferro. "Where are you?"

Tagliaferro blinked and nodded calmly. Riggle said: "He's crazy. He claims he's found a practical way to transfer mass in space. Did he tell you both? That's right. He's always been a little bit out of his mind, and now he's all gone." .” He wiped his nose vigorously, and Tagliaferro couldn't help thinking of the day Villiers interrupted it. For ten years, Villiers has been haunting them like a shadowy ghost, making them feel guilty, but in fact they are not guilty.They had written their dissertation together, and together they had been selected as four dedicated individuals to approach the professional training that had grown to new heights in the present age of interplanetary travel.

Observatory stations were set up on other celestial bodies where there was a vacuum all around and no atmosphere to obstruct the view. A lunar observatory was established to study the Earth and the inner planets.There is a silent world, and the home planet hangs firmly in the sky. The Sun-receiving Mercury Observatory is located on Mercury's north pole, where the light-dark boundary barely changes.The sun is fixed motionless above the horizon, allowing its slightest movement to be studied. The Ceres Observatory is the newest and most modern of the bunch, and its research ranges from Jupiter to the farthest outer galaxies.

Of course, this kind of work also has disadvantages.Since interplanetary travel is still inconvenient and vacations are rare, it is practically impossible to live a normal life.They are, however, a fortunate generation, and future scientists will find the fruits of knowledge within their grasp.Unless the means of transportation between the solar systems are invented, it will no longer be possible to open up a wider field of research. Thaliaferro, Riggle, Kaunas and Villiers, these four lucky ones are already in the position of Galileo; Galileo just had to point it at In the vast starry sky, if you look down arbitrarily, you will make great discoveries.

But then Romano Villiers fell ill, suffering from rheumatism.Then who can blame him?" He had a defect in his heart, which has not functioned normally. He had been the best, most promising, hardest working of the four, but he couldn't even finish his studies and get a doctorate. In particular, he would never be able to fly away from Earth; the acceleration of the spaceship as it took off would kill him. Thaliaferro was assigned to the moon, Rigel to Ceres, Kaunas to Mercury, and only Villiers remained as a prisoner of the earth for life. They had tried so hard to show sympathy for Villiers, and he had turned it down with something bordering on hatred.He blamed them, cursed them.When Rigel couldn't bear the anger and raised his fist, Villiers screamed and jumped at him, breaking the bridge of his nose.

Evidently Rigel had not forgotten the past, for he was running a finger carefully over his nose. Kaunas's forehead was like an undulating washboard, and now it was wrinkled again. "He's here for the convention, you know. He's staying in this hotel too, in room 405." "I don't want to see him," Riegel said. "He's coming up here. He said he wanted to see us. I remember he said nine o'clock, and he could be here anytime now." "In that case," said Riegel, "if you don't mind, I'll stay out of here." Tagliaferro said, "Hey, wait a minute. What's the matter meeting him?"

"Because it doesn't make sense, he's crazy." "Even so, let's not be arrogant. Are you afraid of his dead body?" "Afraid?" Rigel looked nonchalant. "Then it's neurotic. What's there to be neurotic about?" "I'm not neurotic either," Riegel said. "I'm sure you're kind of. We're all guilty of him for no real reason. We're not at fault for what happened." But he was also aware that his words were purely defensive. At this moment, the annunciator on the door rang, and the three of them were startled, and turned to stare uncomfortably at the barrier between them and Villiers.

The door opened and Romano de Villiers entered.The three stood up stiffly to meet him, standing there in a daze, without reaching out their hands. Verrier's mocking eyes forced them not to look directly. He can change, Tagliaferro thought. He has indeed changed.He seemed shrunken from head to toe; the stooped back made him even shorter, the scalp on the bald head glistened through the thinning hair, the skin on the backs of the hands was wrinkled and bulged and veined.He looked ill and bore little resemblance to the man he remembered, save for his habit of covering his eyes with a hand when he stared intently and his smooth, measured baritone voice. He said: "Friends! My friends who ride the universe! We have not seen each other for a long time." Thaliaferro said, "Yo, Villiers." Villiers looked at him. "How are you?" "Good." "Where are you two?" Kaunas forced a smile, muttering something.Riegel angrily said to him, "Well, Villiers, how are you?" "Ah, Rigel, nicknamed Grumpy," said Villiers, "how about Ceres?" "Everything was fine when I started. How is Earth?" "You can see for yourself," Villiers replied, but his face became sullen. He went on: "I hope you three are here to hear the paper I'm going to give the day after tomorrow." "Your thesis? What thesis?" Thaliaferro interjected. "I wrote you all. Papers on mass transfer methods." Riegel sneered. "Yes, you wrote it. But you didn't mention the paper at all, and I don't remember you being on the conference speaker list. If you were on it, I would have noticed." "You're right, I'm not on the list, and I'm not going to publish the abstract of the paper." Verrier's face flushed red.Thaliaferro comforted him and said, "Calm down, Villiers, you don't look very well." Villiers turned towards him abruptly, his lips twisted, "My heart can hold on, thank you." Kaunas said: "Listen, Villiers, if you're not on the list, and you haven't provided a summary, . . . " "Listen. I've been waiting ten years. You're all working in space, and I have to teach on Earth. But I'm better than either of you, or all of you put together." "Even if..." Tagliaferro was about to speak. "And I don't need any gifts from you. Mandel witnessed it with his own eyes. I think you have heard of Mandel. Yes, he is the chairman of the Astronautics Division of the Assembly. I performed mass conversion for him. The device is still very good. Rough, burnt out after one use, but... are you listening to me?" "Let's listen," said Rigel coldly, "so what?" "He promised to let me talk about it at will. I bet you he did. No notice, no fanfare, I'm going to bomb like a bomb. As soon as I tell them the basics, the General Assembly It is sure to cause a sensation in the audience. They will immediately adjourn the meeting and go back to their respective laboratories to get a device and verify my statement. They will find that my statement is completely tenable. I have already made a device in the laboratory. A live mouse disappears here, appears there. Mandel saw it firsthand." One by one he gazed into their faces in turn.He said, "You don't believe me, do you?" "If you don't want to talk about it, why tell us?" Riggle said. "You are different, you are my friend, my classmate. You all flew into space and left me behind." "That's not something we can choose," Kaunas demurred in a thin, weak voice. Verrier ignored it.He said, "So now I want to make it clear to you. What can be done to a mouse, can be done to a man. If you can transform an object ten feet away in the laboratory, you can also transform it to A million miles away in space. So I can go to the moon, to Mercury, to Ceres, anywhere I want to go. I will be on par with every one of you and surpass you. I just teach and use my brains, but I have done more for astronomy than you can do with your observatories, telescopes, cameras, and spaceships." "Okay," Tagliaferro said, "I'm happy. Go ahead. Can I see a copy of the paper?" "Oh, no." Willie clasped his hands tightly in front of his chest, as if there was an invisible piece of paper in his hand, trying to hide it so that no one could see it. "You'll have to wait like everyone else. There's only one copy of the paper, and no one, not even Mandel, will see it until I'm ready." "One serving!" Thaliaferro yelled. "What if you lose it..." "I won't. If I do lose it, it's all in my head." "If you..." Tagliaferro almost blurted out the word "death", but luckily stopped.He paused almost imperceptibly, and then changed his words: "It's reasonable to say, just to be on the safe side, it's best to scan it... first." "No," Villiers said bluntly: "Listen to me the day after tomorrow. You will see the unprecedented expansion of human territory in one fell swoop." Again he stared intently at each face. "Ten years," he said, "bye." "He's crazy," Riegel burst out, staring at the door, as if Villiers was still standing in front of it. "Really?" Thaliaferro said thoughtfully. "In a way, I think he's kind of crazy. He hates us for no reason. Also, he won't even put his Scan the paper just in case..." Thalliaferro fiddled with his own little scanning analyzer as he spoke.It was a plain, plain cylinder, thicker and shorter than the average pencil.In recent years it has become the icon of the scientist, almost on par with the stethoscope in the hands of the physician and the microcomputer of the statistician.Some carried the scanner in a jacket pocket, pinned it to a cuff, tucked it behind the ear, or simply dangled it from a string. Thaliaferro's mind sometimes slips into philosophical ruminations, wondering what it was like when researchers had to painstakingly extract documents or archival notes against photocopies the same size as the originals.How stupid! Now it is only necessary to scan any printed or written material, and there will be a microfilm, which can be developed at your leisure.Thaliaferro has included an abstract of every paper included in the Congress Proceedings.He was pretty sure the other two did the same. "In this case, refusing to scan is just madness," Tagliaferro said. "False!" Riegel excitedly said, "No papers, no discoveries. For him, as long as he can overwhelm us, he can make up any kind of nonsense." "But what will he do the day after tomorrow?" "How do I know? He's crazy." Tagliaferro was still fiddling with his scanner, wondering if he should take out and develop some of the small rolls of film that were stored on it.He decided not to.He said: "Don't underestimate Villiers, he is a think tank.", "Maybe ten years ago," Riggle said, "now he's a lunatic. I don't think we'll mention him." He spoke at the top of his voice, as if he could drive Villiers and all his thoughts about Villiers away by talking about other things.He talked about Ceres and his work on radio mapping the Milky Way with the help of a new radio telescope capable of resolving single stars. Kaunas nodded as he listened, and then interrupted to talk about the radioactive radiation of sunspots and his own published paper titled "The Relationship between Proton Bursts and Large Flares of Hydrogen Explosions on the Sun's Surface". Thaliaferro doesn't have much to say.Jobs on the moon aren't all that glamorous by comparison.The latest material on long-term weather forecasts from direct observation of Earth's air currents is hard to compare with radio telescopes and proton storms. Besides, Villiers was still on his mind.Villiers is indeed a think tank.They all know this.Regardless of Riegl's yelling, he must also understand that if mass conversion is possible, Villiers is the most logical discoverer. A discussion of their respective work boils down to a disappointing conclusion: it has to be admitted that neither has achieved much fruitful results.Tagliaferro knew that his thesis was not important, it was just an imitation of the literature, and the other two did not write anything of weight. The facts are in front of us: none of them can become a great man who shocks the universe.Those lofty dreams of school days have not come true.They know they're just a handful of workers who can do their jobs, that's all. They also knew Villiers would outwit them.It was this awareness, together with a sense of guilt, that made them hostile to Villiers. Thaliaferro had an uneasy premonition that Villiers would win them despite all their twists and turns.Those two people were also thinking about it.Mediocre work performance can quickly be met with embarrassment.The thesis on the transformation of mass would pass at the meeting, and Villiers was, after all, to be as great a man as he was supposed to be based on his appearance.His fellow students, with every advantage, will be forgotten.Their role is at best to applaud the crowd. He was both envious and frustrated.Although he was ashamed of having this emotion, it still lingered. The conversation fell silent.Kaunas turned his face away from them and said, "I said, why don't we visit old Villiers?" There was false enthusiasm in the voice, a vain effort to assume a casual tone.He added: "Why leave a bad impression?" Thaliaferro thought for a moment.He really wanted to get to the bottom of the matter of mass conversion.He hoped it was just a madman's nightmare, and he could sleep peacefully tonight. And he was curious too, so he didn't object.Even Riegel shrugged reluctantly and said, "Why the hell don't you go?" It was almost eleven o'clock at this time. Thaliaferro was awakened by the incessant blaring of the door annunciator.He sat up on one arm in the dark, furious.The soft glow of the time indicator on the ceiling indicated that it was not yet four o'clock in the morning. He called out, "Who is it?" The annunciator was still beeping intermittently. Tagliaferro hurriedly put on his pajamas while shouting angrily.He opened the door, blinking at the light in the hallway.He recognized the person, because he had often seen this face on the stereo screen. But this time the man before him spoke eagerly in a low voice: "My name is Hubert Mandel." "Yes, sir," Tagliaferro said.Mandel was a well-known figure in the world of astronomy; a distinguished name and a prominent position within the World Astronomical Office.He is active and is serving as the chairman of the Astronautics Division of this conference. Tagliaferro suddenly asked, recalling that Villiers once said that it was this Mandel who watched him perform mass conversion.For some reason, he immediately thought of Villiers.Mandel said, "Are you Dr. Edward Tagliaferro?  … "Yes, sir," "Get dressed and come with me, there is a very important matter involving a man we all know well." "Dr. Villiers?" Mandel's eyes flickered.His eyebrows and eyelashes were so lightly colored that his eyes looked a little bald around them.His hair was thin and silky, and he was about fifty years old. He said, "Why does it have to be Villiers?" "He mentioned you last night. I don't know of any other people who know each other well." Mandel nodded, waiting for Tagliaferro to get dressed in a hurry, then turned and walked ahead to lead the way.Rigel and Kaunas were already waiting in a room on the upper floor.Kaunas had red eyes and a sad face; Riegel was smoking a cigarette, puffing out the smoke impatiently. "It's all here, another alumni reunion," Tagliaferro said, but the joke didn't resonate. He sat down, and the three of them looked at each other.Rieger shrugged. Mandel paced the floor with his hands in his pockets.He said: "I am sorry to disturb you, gentlemen, and I also thank you for your cooperation. I look forward to your further cooperation. Our friend Romano Villiers has died, and his body was found about an hour ago. Carried away from the hotel. The result of the medical examination was heart failure." There was a startled silence.The cigarette that Riegel brought to his lips froze in mid-air, and fell down slowly before reaching the destination. "Poor guy," Tagliaferro said. "It's horrible." Kaunas whispered hoarsely. "He's..." His voice was inaudible. Riegel cheered up and said, "Yes, he has a heart problem. It's over." "One more little thing," Mandel corrected calmly, "to clarify the facts." "What does that mean?" Riegel asked sharply. Mandel said, "When was the last time you three saw him?" Tagliaferro said: "It was last night. It turned into an alumni reunion. We all met for the first time in ten years. I regret that he said that the meeting was not very pleasant. Villiers felt that he had reason to face We got mad and he got mad." "That was... what time?" "The first meeting was about nine o'clock." "the first time?" "We saw him again later that night." Kaunas was a bit disturbed. He said: "He left in a hurry. We can't let it go like this. We used to be friends and we had to try not to hurt the peace. So we went to his room ,and……… Mandelbar seized on this sentence. "You're all in his room?" "Yeah," Kaunas said a little surprised. "About what time?" "Eleven o'clock, I think." He said, looking at the others.Thaliaferro nodded. "How long have you been here?" "Two minutes," interposed Riegel, "he kicked us out as if we coveted his paper." He paused, as if waiting for Mandel to ask about the paper, But Mandel said nothing.He went on: "I think he hid the paper under the pillow and was lying on it when he yelled at us to go away." "Maybe he was going to die then," Kaunas whispered timidly. "Not at that time," Mandel said briefly, "so you probably all left your fingerprints." "Possibly," said Tagliaferro, his heartfelt respect for Mandel fading a bit with a wave of impatience.Even if he is Mandel, it is four o'clock in the morning."What the hell is going on with all this?" he said. "Well, gentlemen," said Mandel, "the case of Villiers' death is not confined to the fact of death itself. Villiers's paper (of which, as far as I The fast processor is destroyed, only some fragments are left. I have never seen or read the paper, but I know everything about the paper. If necessary, I am willing to swear in court to prove that the fragments in the processor were not destroyed It's the remnants of the paper he planned to present at the conference. You seem to be skeptical, Dr Riggle." Riegel sneered sarcastically, "The fact that he is going to publish a paper is itself very doubtful. If you want to know my opinion, sir, he is crazy. He has been a prisoner of the earth for ten years, fantasizing about transforming mass To get out of this predicament, it is probably this fantasy that supports him to survive. He racked his brains to perform a deceptive show. I am not saying that he is deliberate fraud, he is probably just crazy obsessive, obsessive Crazy. Crazy climax last night when he came to our room (even though he hated us for flying off Earth) and boasted to us of his success. It was the kind of success he had dreamed of for ten years. Maybe this" An impulse brought him back to his senses a little more, and he realized that he couldn't actually publish a paper, that he had nothing to publish at all.So he burned it and his mind was exhausted.It's so miserable. " Mandel listened to the Ceres astronomer's speech with obvious disapproval.He said: "Very tactful, Dr. Riggle, but ridiculous. I'm not as easily taken in by a deceitful show as you think. Well, it happened so suddenly that I had to do a hasty check of the registration file." .According to the records, the three of you are his classmates in college, right?" They nodded. "Do you have any other students attending this conference?" "No more," Kaunas said. "Only the four of us were eligible for a doctorate in astronomy that year. He would have passed with insurance, if it hadn't been for..." "Yes, I know," Mandel said. "Well, then, one of the three of you must have visited Villiers in his room for the last time at midnight. There was a brief freeze.Later Rigel said indifferently, "It's not me." Kaunas opened his eyes wide.shook his head. "What do you mean by insinuation?" said Tagliaferro. "One of you went to him at midnight and insisted on reading his paper. I don't know the motive, but presumably it was a deliberate attempt to force him to cause Heart failure. As soon as Villiers fell, the criminal (if I may call him that) set his hands. He seized the papers and scoured them. I might add that the papers were probably hidden under Villiers' pillow . Later he threw the original paper into a fast processor and destroyed it, but he was too flustered to completely destroy it.” Kaunas interjected, "How do you know this? Are you a witness?" "Almost," said Mandel. "Villiers didn't die when he just fell down. After the criminal left, he grabbed the phone with all his might and called me to my room. He struggled to say a few words, and barely gave a brief overview of what happened. .Unfortunately I was not in the room, I had a meeting late and I have not come back. But the recording device on the phone recorded his words. I have a habit of bureaucratic life, whenever I return to my residence or office, Always play the tape and listen to it. I'll call back right away, but he's dead." "Well then," said Riggle, "who does he say did it?" "He didn't say it. Otherwise, he said it, but the voice was indistinct. But there is one word that is clearly heard, that is, classmates." Tagliaferro removed his scanner from the inside pocket of his jacket and handed it to Mandel.He said calmly: "If you are happy to take the film in my scanner to develop, I welcome you to do so. You will find that there is no Villier's paper on it." Kaunas immediately did the same.Rieger kept a straight face and followed suit. Mandel took all three scanners.He said bluntly: "Thinking about it, no matter which one of you did this, you probably already processed the exposed film on which the thesis was scanned. However..." Thaliaferro raised an eyebrow. "You can search me, or search my room." But Rigel still kept a straight face, "Wait a minute, wait a moment, are you a policeman?" Mandel stared at him. "Do you want to call the police? Do you want scandal and accusations of murder? Do you want to make a mess of the convention, and have astronomy and astronomers sensationalized in the press all over the solar system? Villiers It's entirely possible that his death was accidental, he did have a heart problem, and whichever of you went there was an impulsive act. Probably not a premeditated crime. Whoever committed the crime could have been avoided by returning the negatives A lot of trouble." "Even criminals?" Tagliaferro asked. Mandel shrugged. "He may be somewhat troublesome, and I can't guarantee that he will not be pursued. But no matter what trouble he encounters, it will not end in ruin or life imprisonment like letting the police intervene." silence. Mandel said, "One of the three of you." silence. Mandel continued: "I think I can see through the wishful thinking of the perpetrator. He is going to destroy the paper, because only the four of us know about the mass conversion, and only I have seen a performance. Besides, although I have seen it with my own eyes I have, but you have only heard it from him, from a man who is probably a lunatic. As long as Villiers dies of heart failure and the paper is destroyed, it is easy to make people believe Dr. Riegel's argument: There is no mass conversion, it never existed. After a year or two, our criminal with the mass conversion data can throw it out bit by bit, do a little experiment, and publish a few articles with the same caution. In the end, he turned himself into a justifiable discoverer, gaining both fame and fortune. Even his own classmates would not suspect anything. At most, they thought that the past with Villiers had inspired him to engage in research in this field. No Will think of something else." Mandel stared at each face in turn, his eyes glowing. "But it doesn't work now. Any one of you three throwing something about mass conversion is tantamount to calling yourself a criminal. I've seen the show, I know its legitimacy, and I know you should have a Possesses a copy of the thesis. This material is no longer useful to you." Hand it over. " silence. Mandel walked to the door, turned around again and said: "I beg you to stay here for a while until I return. It will not be long, and I hope the guilty person will use this time to think about it. If he is worried about pleading guilty and losing his position, If you think about it, dealing with the police will deprive him of his freedom, and he will have to undergo psychological testing." He looked stern and slightly tired, and raised three scanners and said, "I'm going to take these to develop." Kaunas tried to put on a smile. "What if we run away while you're not here?" "Only one of you has reason to want to do that," Mandel said. "I think I can rely on two innocent people to control the third out of self-protection motives." he's gone. It's five o'clock in the morning.Rigel looked at his watch angrily, "What a pity, I'm sleepy." "We can have a fight here," Thalia Ferroda said. "Anyone want to plead guilty?" Kaunas looked away, Rigel pursed his lips. "I don't think so." Tagliaferro closed his eyes, leaned his head back on the chair, and said in a tired voice: "It's the off-season on the moon. We are there all night It's two weeks, and then it's very busy. Then there's another two weeks of insolation, with nothing to do but calculations, correlations, and gossip. There are more women, if I can arrange a long-term..." Kaunas also whispered about the Mercury situation.Observatories there have not yet been able to see the entirety of the Sun from the skyline or from the telescope's field of view.But soon another two miles of slide rail will be laid for the observatory (you know, to move it as a whole, which requires a lot of power, ready to use the sun directly), and the situation may change, it will change.Even Riggle began to talk about Ceres after listening to the two of them whispering.There is the problem of a two-hour rotation period, which means that the stars are flying across the sky at a speed equal to the angular velocity of the earth's starry sky.Three optical telescopes and three radio telescopes are required, and all equipment must be made up of triplicate observation networks, so that the research targets can be captured in a cohesive manner when the stars are flying around. "Won't you use one of the poles to observe?" Kaunas asked. "You're imagining the situation with Mercury and the sun," Riegl said impatiently. "Even at the poles, the sky keeps spinning, and half of the planet is never visible. If Ceres were like Mercury, only one side would face If we look at the sun, we will have an eternal night sky, and Qunken will slowly rotate at a speed of three years and one week overhead." The sky was white, and it was beginning to break. Talliaferro was sleepy, but he tried to keep his consciousness awake.He couldn't fall asleep and had to keep the other two awake.He felt that the three of them were thinking: "Who is it? Who is it?" Of course, the guilty person is an exception. When Mandel came in again, Tagliaferro's eyes opened suddenly.The sky outside the window had turned blue, and with the windows closed, Tagliaferro felt comfortable.Of course, there are air-conditioning equipment in the hotel, but those earthlings always like to open the windows in the season when the temperature is pleasant, imagining some fresh air.Tagliaferro was used to the vacuum on the moon, and the thought of doing this made him uncomfortable. Mandel said, "Do any of you have anything to say?" They looked at him calmly.Riegel shook his head. Mandel said: "I have developed the film in your scanner, gentlemen, and read the content." He said, throwing the scanner and the developed film on the bed. "Nothing! I'm sorry , you will have to trouble yourself to sort out the film. But the problem of missing film still exists.” "If there is such a thing," Riegl said, yawning. Mandel said: "I propose that we go down together to Villiers' room, gentlemen." Kaunas was taken aback, "What are you doing?" "Is it psychological warfare? Take the criminal to the scene of the crime and make him confess on conscience, right?" Tagliaferro said. 曼德尔说：“我去的理由可不那么富于戏剧性。我想让你们之中无辜的两位协助我找到失踪的维里叶扫论文描胶卷。” “你认为它在那儿吗？”里格尔挑战般地问道。 “可能。这只是第一步，紧跟着我们要搜查你们每个人的房间。宇宙航行学专题讨论要到明天上午十点才开始，在那之前我们全力以赴。” “在那之后呢？” “那恐怕就不得不叫警察了。” 他们忐忑不安地走进维里叶的房间。里格尔满脸通红，考纳斯面色惨白，塔利亚费罗竭力保持镇定。 昨夜他们曾在人造光源下在这个房间里见到横眉怒目、衣衫不整的维里叶紧抓着枕头怒视他们，撵他们出去。此刻他们感觉有一股无味的死亡气息在室内弥漫。 曼德尔拔了拔窗上装的起偏光镜，想让房间里光线更充足些，他调得大多了，东方的阳光一下子直射进来。 考纳斯赶紧抬起胳膊遮住眼睛，尖叫了一声“太阳！”其他几个人都愣住了。 考纳斯满脸恐怖的表情，好象他瞥见的是使人致盲的水星太阳光。 塔利亚费罗想起他自己对露天活动的本能反应，不由得直咬牙。十年远离地球，他们都被弄得不大正常了。 考纳斯跑到窗边，摸索着拔弄起偏光镜，然后才大大地喘了一口气。 曼德尔走到他身边问，“怎么回事？”其余两个人也跟了过来。 城市舒展在他们下面，鳞次柿比的砖石建筑沐浴在初升的阳光中，一直伸延到远方的地平线。建筑物的阴影投向他们这一面。塔利亚费罗忐忑不安地偷偷朝太阳瞥了一眼。 考纳斯死死盯着近处的什么东西，胸口发憋，想喊都喊不出来了。外边的水泥窗户略有暇疵，有一条小小的裂缝，里面插着一条一英寸长的灰白色胶片，大部分暴露在初升太阳的晨光之下。 曼德尔嘎然发出一声愤怒的喊叫，一把将窗子推上去，把那东西抓到手里。他纂起手遮住它，两眼通红冒火。他说：“在这儿等着！” 谁都没有作声。曼德尔走后，他们都坐下了，茫然地面面相觑。不到二十分钟，曼德尔回来了。他的语气平静，但是却给人一种印象：只不过是由于狂怒的发作早已过去，他的声音才这般平静。他说：“藏在缝里的一角感光不太厉害，我能辨认出几个字来。是维里叶的论文。其余的全毁了，无可补救，一切都完了。… “下一步怎么办？”塔利亚费罗说。 曼德尔灰心丧气地耸耸肩，“事到如今，我也管不了许多。质量转换算是完了，一直到有一个和维里叶叶同样有才华的入再把它槁出来。我要继续从事这项工作，但是我对自己的能力不抱幻想。由于一切都完了，我看你们三个人哪个有罪都无所谓了。还有什么关系呢？”他似乎全身都瘫软了，陷入了绝望之中。 但是塔利亚费罗的声音却强硬了起来。“行啦，打住吧。在你眼睛里，我们三个人当中任何一个都可能有罪，比方说，我就可能有罪。你是学术界的大人物，绝不会说我什么好话。一般的看法可能认为我不称职或者还要差劲，不过我可不愿意背嫌疑犯的黑锅。咱们还是把事情弄个水落石出吧。” “我不是侦探啊。”曼德尔沮丧他说。 “见鬼！那你为什么不叫警察呢？” 里格尔说：“等一”等，塔尔。你是不是暗示说我是罪犯啊？ " “我只是说我没罪。” 考纳斯惊慌地提高了嗓门儿，“那样一来我们都得接受心理探测检查。可能对心智造成破坏……” 曼德尔高高举起双臂。“先生们！先生们！请静一静！有件事我们不找警察也能解决。你说得对，塔利亚费罗博士，要是事情到此就算了，那对无罪的人是不公平的。” 他们各自怀着不同程度的敌意一齐朝他转过身来。里格尔说：“你主张怎么办？” “我有个朋友叫温德尔，顾尔思。你们可能听说过他，也可能没听说过，不过我也许可以安排一下，今天夜里去见见他。” one “去见他又怎么样呢严塔利亚费罗又追问道。“那对我们又有什么于系呢？ " “他是个怪人，”曼德尔含糊其同他说。“很怪，而且在他的本行里才华出众。以前他曾经协助过警方，这回他也许能帮助我们。爱德华·塔利亚费罗禁不住惊诧万分地瞠目凝视着这间房间及其占用者。它和他似乎都是与世隔绝的，并非众所周知的外部世界的组成部分。这个隔音完善、不开窗口的巢穴绝无尘世的喧嚣。地球上的天然光线与空气也由人造光源和空调设备取而代之。 房间相当大，昏暗而零乱。他们好不容易穿过乱七八糟堆满东西的地板走到一条长沙发处，那上面放的缩微胶片被毛手毛脚地胡乱堆到一边。 房间的主人有一张圆圆的胖脸和矮胖滚圆的身驱。他那两条短腿四下走动十分迅速，说话时头部不住地摇动，直到厚厚的眼镜快要从鼻子位置上长着的那不起眼的肉球上震落下来时才告停止。他那双眼睑肥厚、有点向外突出的眼睛和善纯真地朝他们闪烁着。他在自己那套两用组合式办公桌椅处坐下来，室内唯一，一盏明亮的灯光直射在他身上。“欢迎你们赏光，先生们。对我这里的环境请多加包涵，”说着他那短粗的手指比划着向四面一挥。“我正在为我积攒的许许多多地球以外的各色物体进行分类编目。这可是一项庞杂的工作，例如 他离开座位钻到书桌旁的一堆零星什物里，最后拿出来一件烟灰色半透明的东西，呈粗糙不平的圆柱形状。“这东西，，，他说，是木卫四上边的，可是非人类智慧生物的遗留物。还没有确定下来。先后发现过一打之数，这一块是我所知道的最完整的标本。… 他信手把它丢到一边，塔利亚费罗跳了起来。胖子朝他这边看了看：“它不会碎的。”他又坐下了，短粗的手指紧贴在肚子上，听任它们随着呼吸缓缓起伏。 “好了，我能为你们做些什么呢？” 休伯特·曼德尔替他们作了介绍。塔利亚费罗不由得深思起来，确实有个叫温德尔·厄尔思的人最近写了一本书，书名是《水一氧行星上的相应进化过程》。写书的肯定不会是此人。 他说：“你就是《相应进化过程》一书的作者吗？厄尔思博士？” 厄尔思的脸上露出了欣悦的笑容：“你看过了？” “哦，不，还没有，不过……” 厄尔思的表情立即变得不以为然了：“那你应该看，马上看。我这儿有一本。” 他又从椅子上跳起来，曼德尔喊道：“先等等吧，厄尔思，急事先办，很严重啊。” 他简直是把厄尔思硬推回到椅子上，开始滔滔不绝地谈了起来，以免再被什么其它不相干的问题所打断。他用令人赞佩的简练语言把整个经过叙述了一遍。 厄尔思在倾听的过程中脸色渐趋红润，他扶住眼镜往上推了推，喊道：“质量转换！” “我亲眼目睹的。”曼德尔说。 “你从来没跟我说过。” “我曾发誓要保密。那个人很……古怪。我刚才解释过了。” 厄尔思一拳敲在书桌上。“曼德尔，你怎么能允许一个偏执的怪人把这样的发现据为已有呢？必要的时候，应当用心理探测法从他那儿把这项知识挤出来。” “那样会要了他的命的，”曼德尔急辨说。 厄尔思双手紧捂着脸，坐在那儿前后摇了起来。“质量转换，那是使一个体面的文明人能够旅行的唯一方法，唯一可能的方法，唯一可行的方法。要是我早知道就好了，要是我当时在场就好了，可那家饭店离这儿差不多有三十英里远。… 里格尔在一旁听着，脸上显出不耐烦的神色，插口说：“我听说有一条快速交通线直通大会会场，十分钟就能把你送到那儿。” 厄尔思一下子愣住了，鼓着腮帮子用生疏的目光打量里格尔。他猛地立起来，急匆匆地跑了出去。 里格尔说：“中什么邪了？” 曼德尔嘟哦着说：“该死，我应该事先警告你的。” “警告什么？” “厄尔思博士从不乘任何一种交通工具旅行，那是他的怪僻。池只靠两条腿四处走动。… 考纳斯在昏暗处惊愕地泛着眼睛。“可他是个外星学家呀，对吧？是个研究其它行星上生命形式的专家呀？” 塔利亚费罗已经站了起来，此刻正立在放在支架上的一台银河镜前面。他注视着里面各星系图象闪烁的微光，他从来没见过么大。制作这么精巧的银河镜。 曼德尔说：“不错，他是个外星学家，但他从来没去过任何一个自己专门研究的那些行星，也决不会去。三十年当中，他从来没去过距离这间房间几英里以外的地方。” 里格尔哈哈大笑。 曼德尔的脸由于生气而泛红了。“你也许觉得很滑稽，不过我奉劝你在厄尔思博士回来的时候说话还是留点神为好。” 过了一会儿，厄尔思侧身进来了。“很抱歉，先生们，”他小声说，“现在我们接着谈咱们的问题吧。也许你们之中有人愿意认罪了吗？” 塔利亚费罗鄙夷地扭歪了嘴唇。要说逼人认罪，这位闭门自守的矮胖外星学家可没那份威严。好在也用不着他。 塔利亚费罗说：“厄尔思博士，你和警方有联系吗？” 厄尔思红润的脸上浮现出一种自得的神情。“我没有官方背景，答利亚费罗博士，不过我和他们的非正式关系确实不错。” “那样的话，我可以向你提供点儿情报，以便你转达警方。” 厄尔思用手在腹部一位，把衬衫下摆伸了出来，用它慢慢地擦起眼镜来。等他擦好，又把它不怎么稳当地架在鼻子上，才说道：“是什么情报呢？” “我要告诉你维里叶死的时候在场的是谁，扫描他的论文的是谁。” “你已经把疑案解决了？” “我一整天都在想这件事。我认为我已经解决了。”塔利亚费罗对他的话引起的轰动颇感得意。 “哦，怎么回事呢？” 塔利亚费罗深深地呼了口气。虽然他已经盘算了好几个小时了，这可不是件轻松的事。“有罪的人，”他说，“显然是休伯特·曼德尔博士。” 曼德尔瞪着塔利亚费罗，淬然涌起的激愤使他呼吸急促。“你注意，博士，”他大声说起来，“假如你有什么根据……” 厄尔思高亢的男高音盖过了他的插话。“让他讲嘛，休伯特，咱们听着。你怀疑他，并没有法律禁止他怀疑你啊。” 曼德尔怒冲冲地不作声了。 塔利亚费罗努力不使声音发颤，说道：“这不仅仅是怀疑，厄尔思博士。证据十分确凿。我们囚个人都知道质量转换的事，但是我们当中只有一个人，也就是曼德尔博士，看过实际表演。他确实知道这项发现是事实，他也确实知道有一项关于这项发现的论文。我们三个人只不过觉得维里叶多少有点儿精神错乱。唉，我们曾认为他至多不过是有个机会。我觉得我们十一点钟去拜访他只是为了核实一下上述看法，虽则实际上谁也没把话说明。可他的举止只不过比往常更加疯癫。 “以上说明曼德尔博士熟知内情并具有作案动机。下面，厄尔思博士，再描述一下其它方面。无论是谁在午夜时分去找过维里叶，见到他倒下、并且扫描了他的论文，此人（我们姑且隐去他的姓名）看见维里叶又苏醒了过来，听见他打电话，一定大吃一惊。这个罪犯在惊恐之际，想到了一件事：他必须消除掉一件能证明他有罪的物证。 “他必须摆脱掉尚未显影的论文底片，而他又必须设法保全它，不使人发现它。这样，如果他没有受到怀疑，日后就可以再把它弄到手。外面的窗台正是理想的地点。他迅速地推开维里叶的窗户，把胶卷放到外边，走掉了。这一来，即便维里叶幸免于死或者他打出去的电话造成了什么后果，他的话也只能是自相矛盾，可以轻而易举地证明他确实精神错乱了。” 塔利亚费罗犹如凯旋般地停住了话头。这番话是无可辩驳的。 温德尔·厄尔思困惑地瞧着他，双手交叉在一起，两个姆指不停地绞动，拍击着他那宽大的衬衫的前襟。 “他说：“这其中有什么重要关键吗？ " “重要关键就在于窗户是被人推开的，胶卷被放在了露天之下。请注意，里格尔在谷神星上、考纳斯在水星上，我在月球上都生活了十年之久，其中只有不多的几次短暂的假期，昨天我们彼此间还几次谈到适应地球环境时遇到的困难。 “我们的工作环境都是没有空气的天体。我们不穿宇宙服从来不到户外去。听凭自己暴露在未经封闭的空间之下对我们说来是不可思议的事。我们之中谁也不会不经过一翻剧烈的内心冲突就去开那扇窗户。可曼德尔博士是唯一一个一直住在地球上的人，打开那扇窗户对他来说不过是举手之劳。他会那样做的，而我们不会。因此，是他干的。” 塔利亚费罗面带微笑安适地坐好。 “就是那么回事，关键在露天的空间。”里格尔热切地喊道。 “根本不是那么回事，”曼德尔咆哮道，他弓身起立，就象要朝塔利亚费罗扑过去似的。“我否认这一切卑劣的捏造。我据有的那份维里叶电话记录又怎么解释呢？他用了同班同学这个词，全部录音很清楚他说明了……” “他是个垂死的人，”塔利亚费罗说，“你自己也承认他说的很多话都听不懂。我没听过录音带，可是我问你，曼德尔博士，那上边维里叶的声音是不是得使人听不出来是他了？” “那……”曼德尔十分慌乱。“我确信是这样。那么，没有理由断定你不会在事先伪造拼凑录音带，加进去同班同学那个该死的词。” 曼德尔说：“老天爷，我怎么会知道来参加大会的有同班同学呢？我怎么会知道这些同学了解关于质量转换的事呢？” “维里叶可能告诉过你。我料定他告诉过你。” “请注意，”曼德尔说，“你们三个人在十一点见到维里叶还活着。凌晨三点多一点儿，医生检查了维里叶的尸体，宣布他至少已死了两小时了。那一点是确定无疑的。因此，死亡时间是在夜里十一点和凌晨一点之间。昨夜我开会开到很晚，有十二名证人可以证明我从十点到两点这段时间的行踪，我一直在离饭店好几英里的地方开会。这些位证人全都是无可怀疑的。这你还有什么说的？” 塔利亚费罗缄默了片刻，又不服气地继续争辩：“即使如此，假定你在两点半回到了饭店；你到维里叶的房间去找他商议他的发言；你发现门开着，也许你配了把钥匙；不管怎么说，反正你发现他死了你就利用这个机会扫描了论文……… “要是他已经死了，他就不能打电话了，那我还把胶卷藏起来干什么？” “为了避嫌疑。也许你手里另外还有一卷胶卷。反正论文原件销毁的事我们也只是听你说的。” “够了！够了！”厄尔思喊道。“这是很有意思地假设，塔利亚费罗博士，但是它是无法自圆其说的。” 塔利亚费罗皱起眉头。“那是你的看法，也许……” “任何人都会有这种看法。我是说任何具有正常思维能力的人。你没看出来休伯特曼德尔充当罪犯有点儿舍近求远吗？” “没看出来。”塔利亚费罗说。 温德尔·厄尔思宽容地微笑着。“作为一位科学家，塔利亚费罗博士，你无疑很清楚决不该一味迷恋你自己的理论而排斥事实或推理。请允许我冒昧，权且仿效一下侦探的角色。 “试想，如果是曼德尔博士造成了维里叶的死亡并且捏造了不在犯罪现场的证据，或者说如果是他发现了维里叶已死去并且利用了那个机会，那么他实际要做的事真是太简单不过了。他何必要扫描论文，又何必要谎称有人曾经扫描了论文呢？他只消干脆拿走论文就行了。另外还有谁知道它真的存在呢？确实没人知道。没有理由认为维里叶把这件事告诉过其他人。维里叶有一种病态的守口如瓶的习性，有一切理由断定他谁也没告诉过。 “除了曼德尔博士以外，谁也不知道维里叶要发言，这件事没有宣布过，也没印发过论文摘要。曼德尔博士完全可以泰然自若地拿了论文扬长而去。 “即使他发觉维里叶曾经对他的同学谈起过这件事，又有何妨呢？除了一个他们自己都宁愿把他看作疯子的人所说的话之外，他的同学还有什么证据呢？ “正相反，曼德尔博士却宣布维里叶的论文被人毁了；宣称他的死亡并非完全出于自然原因；还对扫描了论文的胶卷展开了搜索。一句话，他的一切所作所为引起了只有他才能引起的怀疑，而当时正是他需要避免是非，以使这桩罪行人不知鬼不觉的时候。假如他是罪犯，那他就是我所知道的最愚蠢、最迟钝的人了。可实际上曼德尔博士绝非那号蠢才。” 塔利亚费罗极力搜索枯肠，却还是无言以对。 里格尔说：“那么是谁干的呢？” “很清楚，是你们三个人当中的一个。” “是哪一。个呢？” “哦，那也很清楚。曼德尔博士把事情经过一讲完，我就知道你们之中谁是罪犯了。” 塔利亚费罗用不屑的目光瞪着矮胖的外星学家，这惊人之语并没唬住他。可另外两个人却大受影响，里格尔目瞪口呆，考纳斯连下巴都耷拉下来了，两个人看起来就象离了水的鱼。 塔利亚费罗说：“那么是哪一个呢？跟我们说说。” 厄尔思眨了眨眼睛。“首先我想明确地阐明一点：首要问题是质量转换。它还可以挽回。” 曼德尔依然还怒容满面，他埋怨说：“你说的什么鬼话呀？厄尔思” “扫描了论文的那个人多半看过他扫描的东西。我想他恐怕没有时间去从容不迫地细读它，就是他读了，我怕他也未必能……有意识地记住它，不过，可以用心理探测法。如果他真的浏览过论文，他视网膜上保存的影象还能探测出来。” 出现了一阵不安的骚动。 厄尔思赶紧说：“无需对心理探测抱有恐惧。正常操作是很安全的，特别是志愿接受探测的人更不会有问题。要知道，往往因为不必要的心理抗拒引起精神分裂才造成损伤。所以只要罪人自愿认罪，把他交给我…… 塔利亚费罗大笑起来。突如其来的笑声刺耳地在昏暗宁静的房音里回荡，毫不掩饰促使其爆发的心理动机。 温德尔·厄尔思对于这种反应几乎有点不知所措，透过他的眼镜诚挚地注视着塔利亚费罗。他说：“我对警方有充分影响，可以使探测绝对保密。” 里格尔粗暴他说：“我不干。” 考纳斯摇摇头。 塔利亚费罗根本不屑回答。 厄尔思叹了口气。“那我就不得不把有罪的入指出来了。这样做会造成精神创伤，事情更难办些，”他双手牢牢揪住腹部，手指抽搐着。“塔利亚费罗博士指出胶卷被藏在外面窗台上是为了不使人发现，也可以保证它完好无损。我同意他的意见。” “谢谢你，”塔利亚费罗冷冷他说。 “然而，为什么有人会认为外窗台是格外安全的藏匿地点呢？警察无疑会查看那个地方。” “甚至并没有警察到场，它也被发现了。什么人会倾向于认为放在楼外边的东西格外安全呢？显然是某个曾长期生活在没有空气的夭体上的人，他满以为谁也不会不采取周密的预防措施就冒然离开密闭的场所。 “比如说，对于生活在月球上的人来说，把东西藏在月球拱形屋外面确是比较安全的。人们只是为了从事特定任务才偶而涉险外出。因此他为了寻求安全的藏匿地点，会排除万难毅然开窗，不借使自己暴露于他下意识认为是真空状态的环境之下。支配他这样做的内心思想是：在有人居住的设施之外的地方更安全。” 塔利亚费罗从牙齿缝里挤出话来：“你提月球干什么，厄尔思博士？” 厄尔思和蔼他说：“不过是举个例子。我到目前为止所说的一切对你们三个人都适用，下面要谈到极其关键的环节了，也就是终夜的问题。” 塔利亚费罗皱起眉头。“你指的是维里叶死去的那一夜？” “我指的是随便哪一夜。注意，即使你们之中有人认准了外窗台是个安全的藏匿地点，可谁会神经错乱得把它当作藏匿没冲洗过的胶卷的安全地点呢？诚然，扫描器用的胶卷感光不十分灵敏，显影时周围条件可以将就一点。散射的夜光对它没有太大影响，或散射的日光在几分钟内就会使它服废，而直射的阳光会使它立刻报废。这一点谁都懂。” 曼德尔说：“说下去，厄尔思。这说明了什么呢？？” “你别催我，”厄尔思撅起嘴说，“我想让你们弄个一清二楚。罪犯首先是要保证胶卷的安全，这是一件对他本人和对全世界都极其有价值的东西，又是仅有的一份记录材料。他为什么要把胶卷放到早晨一出太阳它就几乎不可避免地会立即报废的地方呢？唯一的解释是他根本没预料到早晨要出太阳，也就是说，他认为黑夜是永恒的。但是黑夜并非永恒的。在地球上，它们与白昼交相更替。即使是长达六个月的极地之夜终究也有终尽之期。谷神星上一夜只有两个小时，月球夜则要持续两个星期，它们也都是有终期的夜。塔利亚费罗博士和里格尔博士都知道白昼是一定会来临的。” 考纳斯站了起来。“可是，第一……” 温德尔·厄尔思直盯着他。“不必再等了，考纳斯博士。水星是太阳系中唯一只有一面朝太阳的大夭体。就算把天平动也考虑在内，它的表面还有整整八分之三是永远见不到太阳的名符其实的阴暗面。那里的极地观察站设在阴暗面的边缘。十年来你已经习惯于长夜无穷尽的实际状况，习惯于阴暗地带永远是漫漫黑夜的现象了。所以你放心地把未冲洗的胶卷放到地球的夜幕之下，兴奋之中忘记了夜是要终结的……” 考纳斯想要开口讲话…… 厄尔思毫不放松，“我听说当曼德尔调节维里叶房里的起偏光镜的时候，你看到阳光就叫了起来。那是你头脑中对水星阳光根深蒂因的恐惧呢，还是你突然意识到阳光会对你的计划起什么作用呢？你冲上前去。你是想去调节起偏光镜呢，还是想赶快去看看那报销了的胶卷呢？” 考纳斯跪倒在地。“我不是有意的。我是想跟他谈谈，只是想和他谈谈，他朝我嚷起来，就倒下了。我认为他死了，论文就在他枕头底下，一切就随之发生了。一件事引导起另一件事，还没等我明白过来就弄得不可开交无法脱身了。可这我决不是有意的，我敢起誓。” 他们围着他形成一个半圆形，温德尔·厄尔思用怜悯的目光注视着呜咽不已的考纳斯。 一辆救护车来了又去了。塔利亚费罗终于鼓起勇气怯生生地对曼德尔说：“先生，我希望刚才说的那些话不致于伤感情。” 曼德尔同样拘谨地回答说：“我认为我们大家最好尽可能地把过去二十四小时中发生的事全忘了。” 他们站在门口准备告辞，温德尔·厄尔思微笑着低下头，说道：“对了，还有我的费用问题。” 曼德尔带着吃惊的表情看着他。 “不是钱，”厄尔思赶紧说。“但是等第一台供人类使用的质量转换装置建成的时候，我希望马上为我安排一次旅行。” 曼德尔还是困惑不解。“先等等，到外太空去旅行可还为期尚远哪。” 厄尔思赶快摇头。“不是外太空，不是。我想到新罕布什尔州下瀑布城去走去。” “没问题。可是去干什么呢？” 厄尔思抬起头来。使塔利亚费罗大感意外的是：这位外星学家的脸上竟然出现了交织着羞怯与急切的表情。 厄尔思说：“我从前……很久以前的事了……认识那儿的一位姑娘。好多年了……可我有时候想……”