Chapter 11 Chapter Ten The Unbearable Weight of Life

Su Xiaosan thought depressedly and melancholy, it seems that she will never find her biological parents again in this lifetime.What they look like, what kind of people they are, why they abandoned her, Su Xiaosan has no idea, many problems have troubled her, and they have troubled her for many years.During the day, Su Xiaosan stood on the Zhapu Road Bridge, staring at the place that was abandoned at the beginning, hoping that the person she was eager to find would appear.She had an idea that her biological parents, especially the mother who had been pregnant in October, would definitely miss her too, as long as she was still alive and had not lost her memory.If she really missed herself, would she often come to this place, looking for something?Su Xiaosan saw a woman in her 50s wearing sunglasses standing there, looking intently at the Suzhou River with a melancholy look.She is tall, with a thin face that cannot conceal the beauty of her youth. Wearing a black windbreaker, she looks very elegant.If the biological mother is alive, she should be at this age, right?Su Xiaosan's heart skipped a beat, could she be her biological mother?Could it be that God opened his eyes and let their mother and daughter recognize each other at this time?She walked quickly down the bridge and came to the woman.Su Xiaosan smelled a faint scent of perfume, which emanated from the woman.Su Xiaosan suddenly felt extremely nervous and didn't know how to speak.The woman spotted her, glanced at her, said nothing, opened her legs, and was about to leave.Su Xiaosan said anxiously: "You——" The woman turned around and said in confusion, "What's the matter with you?" Su Xiaosan blushed, and summoned up her courage to say, "Auntie, are you What are you looking for here?" The woman smiled: "Yes, I am looking for lost memories, but I can't find many things." Seeing her smiling face, Su Xiaosan relaxed a little, and said hopefully : "If you search hard, maybe you can really find something that belongs to you!" The woman shook her head: "Girl, you are still young, and you haven't experienced many things, so you won't understand." to go.Su Xiaosan was in a hurry and didn't care about anything, and blurted out what was in her mind: "Do you remember that on an autumn night more than 20 years ago, a newborn baby girl was abandoned in this place? The person who abandoned her used a small A paper umbrella to block the falling autumn rain—" The woman turned her head and said, "Girl, I don't know what you're talking about. I went abroad with my parents when I was 10 years old, and I just came back now. I don't know what you're talking about. It's impossible to know. I'm sorry, girl! If I'm not wrong, the abandoned baby girl is you! I sincerely wish you that you can find your biological mother as soon as possible!" Su Xiaosan said with tears in her eyes: "Thank you you--"

Su Xiaosan's mood was difficult to calm down. This evening, she wanted to design a book cover, but she couldn't enter for a long time. The woman's thin and melancholy face always appeared on the computer screen, and she murmured: "Mom, mom—" It would be great if that woman was really my mother. Even if she committed a heinous crime, she would be forgiven the moment they recognized each other.Su Xiaosan thought so. Su Xiaosan's blurred eyes glistened with tears. "boom--" The heavy closing sound brought her back to reality, Chen Huaiyuan must have come back, when Su Xiaosan came home, she didn't find him at home, and she didn't know where he went.If he left and never came back, Su Xiaosan would save a lot of trouble, but he didn't expect him to come back again.Immediately afterwards, he growled in the hall outside: "Stinky bitch, you are really nothing! I won't let you go! Just wait and see how I deal with you! Stinky bitch, you must You will regret it! I will not make you comfortable!"

Who is he scolding? Su Xiaosan thought, it doesn't look like he is scolding me, is he scolding other women?Which woman provoked him?He never mentioned other women in front of me!Maybe he went out to drink with those wandering poets who pretended to be noble and not doing business. Maybe some female wandering poet gave him some color? After a while, Chen Huaiyuan stopped scolding and began to cry in a low voice. Hearing his crying, Su Xiaosan became even more restless. Unable to bear it anymore, Su Xiaosan opened the door of the room, walked out, and said loudly: "Chen Huaiyuan, can you accumulate some virtue, don't affect others!"

Crying and howling, Chen Huaiyuan beat his forehead vigorously with his fist, seeing Su Xiaosan came out to speak, stopped his hand movements, raised his head and glared at Su Xiaosan.Su Xiaosan found that his face was covered with blood, and there were a few cracks, and blood was still oozing from the cracks.His eyes were angry and sad, Su Xiaosan's heart was hit by something, and it softened again.She said, "You, what's the matter with you?" Chen Huaiyuan said angrily: "It's none of your business what I do, don't you don't love me? Even if I die, you don't need to worry about it! You women don't have a good thing! Tell you, don't think that I am willing to rely on you. With you, I will go, I will go!"

Su Xiaosan sighed, and went back to the bedroom silently, found a small bundle of gauze, a bottle of red medicine, and some cotton in the place where the medicine was placed on the bedside table, and went back to Chen Huaiyuan again.She put those things on the tea table in front of him, and said flatly: "Treat the wound yourself." After finishing speaking, she went back to the bedroom and locked the door tightly.Su Xiaosan leaned against the door and let out a long sigh.She thought that the injury on Chen Huaiyuan's face must be related to some woman. It was a lonely early winter, when the cold current hit, the broad dead leaves of the plane trees fell one after another.

On this day, Su Xiaosan got two news. One news was that Beijing had the first heavy snow this winter.Wang Ba, who was on a business trip in Beijing, sent her a text message to tell her the news. This strange person also said that seeing those falling snowflakes, he suddenly missed her very much.Su Xiaosan knew that what he said was nonsense, and the purpose was to pave the way for the next time she went to bed with her.Su Xiaosan thought, some people will never have the desire to sleep with him after sleeping with him once. Wang Ba belongs to that kind of person. Why is this so? She can't explain it clearly. It's just a feeling. Feel.However, the Luoxue mentioned by Wang Ba made Su Xiaosan feel a certain yearning.She thought of Jiguang and his Shangri-La.Jiguang said that every winter, the hills on the plateau that undulate like a woman's skin will be covered with heavy snow, and the snow is warm, as warm as cotton.Su Xiaosan knew that snow should have already covered the mountains of Shangri-La, and the warm snow also brought Jieguang into a fairy-tale world.Su Xiaosan really wanted to buy a plane ticket, fly to that sacred area, and feel the warmth of the snowflakes and the light of the holy mountain.

Another piece of sad news. Wang Ba also told her this news via text message on his mobile phone, but he did not make any comments. He said Chen Lin committed suicide. Chen Lin is a female singer Su Xiaosan likes. When Su Xiaosan saw this text message, she was stunned for a while, her mind was blank. After a while, she finally came to her senses, feeling an inexplicable sadness. Su Xiaosan remembered Chen Lin's song "If you fall in love with someone else, tell me earlier", and hummed softly: After humming the song, Su Xiaosan burst into tears.She felt that death was spreading in this world like an infectious disease, which was palpitating.The reason why the world has become so scary is because we don't know what kind of feelings are real, can withstand the wind and rain of the years, and don't know what will happen in the next moment. Danger is like the sword of Damocles. hanging over our heads!There is an unbearable weight in everyone's life, and they walk tremblingly on the verge of collapse.

Su Xiaosan muttered to herself: Where is my destination? I was struggling in the cold and dirty river, and no one took me to fly to a beautiful heaven. On the contrary, a terrible force pushed me to hell, a hell that would never be restored.My heavy body gradually sank, sank.All the hustle and bustle of the world are gradually getting away from me, and the soul of the weasel and Wang Hairong lurking in my body is gradually getting away from me... I opened my tired eyes and thought I was in another world.I was lying on a big fluffy bed, and the quilt exuded the smell of sunshine, as if it had just been dried.My first feeling was that hell is actually the same as the world!So who brought me into this room?I struggled to sit up.His eyes surveyed the room.The room is not big, but it is very clean and everything is well-organized.There was a window in the room, which was covered by dark green floor-to-ceiling curtains.I didn't know what kind of world I would see when I opened the curtains, or how many dead people were walking around.To my surprise, there was a huge oil painting on the opposite wall, which turned out to be my portrait. It was my appearance when I was just in college. My eyes were full of curiosity and worry, and my face was dazed, youthful and innocent. Rustic, sure, that's the real me.There is also a wall full of small oil paintings, which are my images in various periods, from childhood to adulthood.There is also a closet and a dressing table in the room...

What the hell is this place? My heart is full of curiosity. At this moment, I smelled a strong fragrance, yes, that's right, it was the strong fragrance of angelica stewed chicken.Did Xiao Sanniang prepare this room for me?She prepared a place for me in hell?And make me stewed chicken with angelica?Suddenly, my heart surged. I yelled, "Mom—" I felt a little uneasy again, not knowing what Xiao Sanniang would look like in hell. The door of the room creaked open.My eyes flicked eagerly, and my mouth opened wide in surprise.What I saw was not Xiao Sanniang, but Gu Xin!I stared at him blankly, at a loss.He walked up to me with a smile all over his face, and said softly, "Ah Hong, you're awake—"

I murmured, "Why am I here, how am I here, what is this place?" Gu Xin said: "Ah Hong, do you remember that you fell into the Huangpu River on the Bund. I happened to be watching the night scene there, and I was going to paint an oil painting of the night scene on the Bund. When I heard someone shouting, I knew someone had fallen into the water, so I ran over there. , they were all shouting on the shore, but no one jumped down to save people. The situation was very urgent, so I jumped down. I didn’t expect you to be rescued... This is my home, a small three-story building, and this room is I left it for you, I don’t know if you like it if I arrange it like this? That big painting was drawn from my impression when I first met you. Those small paintings are based on the pictures that Xiao Sanniang sent me at different times. I drew it from the photos I came here. Do you still remember that every year on your birthday, Xiao Sanniang will take you to the photo studio in the small town to take pictures, and then send them to me. Every time I receive a photo, I will be overjoyed Crazy, I feel like you really came to me, and I put it on my chest when I sleep at night, not letting you go. I thought the photo was too small and looked difficult, so I painted it into an oil painting. These photos were originally hung on my In my bedroom, I could see them as soon as I opened my eyes. Later, I put them in your room. I think you will like these paintings. This room has been prepared for you very early, I have been looking forward to the day you can move in. I have to clean this room every day, often change the quilt cover and bed sheets, and dry them in the sun, just like you live here..."

My eyes were wet and blurry.Non-vegetation, ruthless Practice makes perfect.My heart seems to have accepted this father, no matter what his past is.But still a voice inside me shouted, "Get away from him, get away from him, he's a dangerous man—" I wiped my eyes and said, "If it was someone else, would you jump into the river to save him?" Gu Xin said: "Of course, before I jumped, I didn't even know it was you who fell into the water. Child, do you know that after I rescued you, I found that it was you, and my heart broke. I don't know why you fell into the water." Luojiangli, if something happened to you, I would not be able to live anymore, because of you, I am alive today, otherwise I would have gone with your mother long ago." I am silent. Gu Xin smiled: "That's good, you're home! Ah Hong, you must be hungry! By the way, I made angelica stewed chicken for you to eat. Xiao Sanniang said, this is your favorite food." My method is exactly the same as Xiao Sanniang, she taught me how to do it in the letter. I have tried it many times, and the taste is really good, I believe you will like it. I will bring it in for you to eat! You Sit still and don't move, wait for me here, I will come soon!" …The Angelica stewed chicken is very authentic, similar to Xiao Sanniang's, but it always lacks the taste.I didn't eat very well, and I didn't eat much.After eating, I said to him: "I should go!" Gu Xin said sadly: "Why do you have to go, this is your home!" I said lightly: "Let me go, if I If I want to come back, I will come again. But now I want to leave, you can’t stop me. Do you understand?” Gu Xin choked up and said: “Understood! You can’t be forced to stay, I just hope you can understand Dad The door of this house is reserved for you at any time, even if I die, all of this is yours, I can’t take it away, and I can’t leave it to others.” I nodded and said: “Take care of yourself. .” After finishing speaking, I left my father's house. He walked me all the way to the bus stop.On the way, some neighbors met him, and Gu Xin said to them with a smile on his face: "This is my daughter!" The neighbor was very surprised: "When did Painter Gu have such a beautiful daughter!" He said: "Yes! Yes, yes, I have had it for a long time, I have had it for a long time." Listening to his words, I felt extremely uncomfortable, if he hadn't abandoned my biological mother and brought us to Shanghai together, what would have happened? What kind of state? I got on the bus, and Gu Xin still said below: "Ah Hong, you have to remember, this is your home, and Dad welcomes you back anytime, you must pay attention to your health, don't do stupid things, there is nothing you can't think about of--" After the car started, I suddenly felt lost. I thought, where is my home? Su Xiaosan heard the sound of "hohohoh" sharpening the knife. That whetstone was brought back by Chen Huaiyuan from somewhere, and it has never been used. Now, he has used it. He was sharpening the dagger. Su Xiaosan was so disturbed by the sound of sharpening knives that she couldn't work with peace of mind. If these covers were not released, it would really delay the publication of other people's books. She is not a dishonest person, and she will deliver the manuscript when she agrees .She walked into the kitchen and said to Chen Huaiyuan, who had a murderous look on his face, eager to sharpen his knife, "This dagger is so sharp, why are you sharpening it?" Chen Huaiyuan said without raising his head, "It's not sharp enough! The oil painting that cut you that day was blunt." Su Xiaosan said patiently, "Who do you want to kill with your knife so sharp?" Chen Huaiyuan continued to sharpen his knife: "I won't kill you anyway, why are you asking! Go back to your room, it has nothing to do with you!" Su Xiaosan raised her voice: "Why has nothing to do with me! You have affected my work!" Chen Huaiyuan stopped talking, and the knife sharpened even louder. Su Xiaosan has nothing to do with him, even though she doesn't love this man anymore, she is still worried that something big will happen to him.If she wanted to stop Chen Huaiyuan from committing a heinous crime, it would be an almost impossible task.Back in the bedroom, Su Xiaosan was restless, thinking of the policeman named Zhong Feiyang, should he call him and ask him to stop Chen Huaiyuan from committing murder?The problem was that she couldn't figure out who Chen Huaiyuan was going to kill. Even if Zhong Feiyang came, she couldn't catch him, let alone guard him all day. "Oh, why should I worry about him! I'm really full!" Su Xiaosan murmured to herself. At this time, the doorbell rang. The sound of sharpening the knife is still ringing. Su Xiaosan came to the door, stretched out her hand, and was about to open the door.I felt a little uneasy, if the person came to seek revenge from Chen Huaiyuan, then what should I do.She put her eyes on the cat's eye and looked out, but she couldn't see anything. The person who rang the doorbell deliberately avoided the cat's eye? The doorbell rang again. Su Xiaosan's heart was trembling, the sound of sharpening the knife in the kitchen and the ringing of the doorbell were double fears. She looked again, but still did not see the person who rang the doorbell.Su Xiaosan said tremblingly: "Who? Who is the person outside the door?" A man's fleshy voice came from outside the door: "Ah, there is someone, I thought no one was home!" Hearing the sound, Su Xiaosan looked out of the cat's eyes again, but still did not see anyone, and there will be ghosts in broad daylight.At this moment, she really hoped that Chen Huaiyuan would come out and open the door, but she dared not open it.Su Xiaosan asked again: "Excuse me, who are you? Who are you looking for?" Su Xiaosan hoped that someone would tell him that he had found the wrong door and leave quickly. The voice outside the door was still fleshy: "Are you Su Xiaosan?" Su Xiaosan said: "Yes, I am Su Xiaosan." The visitor smiled: "I thought I was looking for the wrong one. I was looking for you. By the way, I am Guiguzi." Guiguzi?Isn't that the horror writer who wrote "Dark Kiss"?She looked out of the cat's eyes again, but still couldn't see anyone?Is this Guiguzi a dwarf?Su Xiaosan thought, if you can't see anyone, it's better not to open the door, what if the bad guy pretends to be Guiguzi?That way, as soon as she opened the door, danger would come in.These days, anything can happen. Those robbers pretended to read the water meter, and some pretended to check the gas pipeline... Some robbers left crying babies at the door of other people's houses. Into it, to carry out their criminal deeds!These robbers were extremely cruel. They not only robbed money and goods, but also murdered people...Su Xiaosan suddenly felt very cold, and his teeth trembled from the cold. The visitor said again: "Su Xiaosan, please open the door." Su Xiaosan's voice trembled: "Are you really Guiguzi?" The person who came said: "It's true, didn't you just design the cover for my novel "Dark Kiss", I really like that cover, the feeling, the atmosphere, exactly what I thought in my heart! I want to invite you to dinner, Mr. Wang didn't get through to you all day, it's a pity! Today I couldn't bear it anymore, so I went to Wang Ba's company and asked for your address, so I took the liberty to call you. I I want to thank you in person, and I also want to chat with you, maybe I can get inspiration from chatting with you, and from your cover design, I can be sure that you are a very thoughtful woman." Su Xiaosan believed it a little bit, but she still had some worries in her heart: "Why can't I see you in the cat's eyes, will you show up and let me take a look, and then I will open the door." In fact, even if she saw someone, she couldn't be sure of him It’s Guiguzi, I’ve never even seen his photo, and now many writers like to put their own photo on the front of the cover, he is an exception, maybe to keep the mystery in front of the readers, he is a horror novelist! The visitor said: "I want to give you a surprise. Open the door quickly, Su Xiaosan!" Su Xiaosan's brain suddenly short-circuited, thinking: "Surprise me? He is a handsome guy? Or does he think he is a super handsome guy who can charm all women when he shows up? He doesn't know where these good feelings come from? " Just as Su Xiaosan was thinking, Wang Ba called.Wang Ba told her that Guiguzi was coming to find her, and asked her if she had arrived.Su Xiaosan said that he was still outside the door and didn't think about letting him in.Wang Ba laughed on the phone, saying that he had expected it, and he thought Su Xiaosan would not be too enthusiastic about Guiguzi.Then, he changed the subject and said to give Guiguzi a little face, it is rare to come to visit after traveling all the way, and said that Guiguzi is actually a very interesting person, and it is fun to be friends. After hanging up the phone, Su Xiaosan heard Guiguzi say outside the door: "Su Xiaosan, has Mr. Wang called you?" Su Xiaosan said, "It's over." Guiguzi said, "Can you open the door and let me in?" Su Xiaosan reluctantly opened the door. What she saw was a large bouquet of red roses, at least fifty or sixty.Guiguzi bent over, the roses blocked his head and face.Su Xiaosan could only hear his fleshy voice: "Su Xiaosan, you are the most beautiful princess in my heart, in order to express my sincere respect, I specially present roses—" Su Xiaosan was not surprised, but rather disgusted. In her eyes, Guiguzi was like a shameless Malu suitor, the kind who would cling to a beautiful woman to flatter her.Su Xiaosan said coldly: "Come in, the room is messy, take care of it." Guiguzi stood up straight and handed the rose to Su Xiaosan. Only then did Su Xiaosan see his face clearly. "Ah, it's you—" Su Xiaosan was extremely surprised, her eyes were wide open, and she couldn't close her mouth. This Guiguzi turned out to be the short man who abused her on the subway!It was this dark and rough face full of beards, with evil hidden in those triangular eyes. Guiguzi said: "Su Xiaosan, what's wrong with you?" He didn't even recognize her!Or pretend like you've never seen her before. Su Xiaosan was trembling all over, thinking of the humiliation that night, she couldn't help but feel very scared.She loudly said to Chen Huaiyuan who was sharpening a knife in the kitchen: "Chen Huaiyuan, get out quickly—" This time, Chen Huaiyuan heard Su Xiaosan's words clearly, and with a murderous look on his face, he rushed out with a dagger that was gleaming with cold sharpness: "Xiaosan, what's wrong?" Su Xiaosan yelled loudly: "Chen Huaiyuan, if you were a man, stab this bastard!" Guiguzi was stunned, with a stiff expression. Chen Huaiyuan was also stunned, his pale, scarred face twitching. Guiguzi suddenly reacted, threw away the rose in his hand, and ran away from the stairs without taking the elevator. Su Xiaosan suddenly stretched out her hands like crazy, grabbed Chen Huaiyuan's collar, shook it vigorously, and shouted hoarsely: "Chen Huaiyuan, you bastard, bastard, rotten egg, bastard...why didn't you kill that Beast? Why? Why—" Chen Huaiyuan remained silent. His body was trembling, but his hand was tightly holding the sharp dagger. Su Xiaosan didn't let go, and continued to shout: "Chen Huaiyuan, you useless, bloodless bastard! What are you sharpening your knife for? It's to kill that beast! Why did you let that beast go? Why didn't you kill him? Why? -" Chen Huaiyuan suddenly said: "Crazy, everyone in this world is crazy! Crazy!" Su Xiaosan was still shouting: "Didn't you keep saying that you loved me? Didn't you say that you could die for me? It's so difficult for me to let you do such a thing! Why didn't you kill that bastard? Why? why--" Chen Huaiyuan suddenly roared: "Don't shout! Let me tell you clearly, Su Xiaosan, the person I want to kill today is not this short winter melon! No! If I kill this short winter melon, I won't be able to kill my enemy! Do you understand now!" Su Xiaosan was dumbfounded. Her hands loosened from Chen Huaiyuan's body, her body slumped crookedly, and she sat down on the ground. Chen Huaiyuan grabbed a newspaper from the coffee table, wrapped the dagger, stepped over Su Xiaosan on the ground, and went out. Su Xiaosan cried loudly.