Chapter 12 Section 12

During the few days when she returned to Nanjing from Shanghai, because of the troublesome impressions still sticking to the bottom of her mind, and Yueying was also confused by the newly bought clothes and gramophone records, other thoughts, a little bit. There is no room for growth, so we live a few days of indulgent indulgence just like when God first created us. A few days later, because Yueying wanted to satisfy her feminine instinct, it was not enough to conquer me indoors. On warm and sunny afternoons, she often asked me to accompany her on the busy street, or to look down at the fishing She went to the teahouses on the Qinhuai River on both sides of the alley to show off her newly-made coat, newly-made high-heeled shoes, and newly learned makeup techniques.

She stopped braiding her hair, and she had learned the so-called Venus—Goddess of Love—hair that is popular in Shanghai, which is not well-proportioned.Seen from the front, there is a fluffy protruding cut hair on the left side. Seen from the back, there is no protruding round ball, but a slightly higher middle with a deep line inserted obliquely. This kind of hair looks real. It is also very beautiful.Especially when the foreign women's hat was removed, the hair on the left side was cut slightly downwards, with a few strands of messy hair, a kind of style that was dragged down from here, I have only seen it in French painting albums Once or twice, in terms of Chinese adjectives, there is only an old saying "Taiye Furong Weiyang Liu", which is relatively recent.

A kind of French fragrance powder called "Apicon" which is not suitable for the skin of oriental people lightly applied to her face. The reddish blush, which is too beautiful, is also reflected by this reddish yellow powder, which will bring a transparent mood. And this time I bought a new Dailuo, I used a small brush to paint on her eyebrows that were a little slanted, and on the corners of her nose and eyes with big sunspots. Turn it around, and you will feel a cool feeling from the bottom of your heart that you want to shrug your shoulders. And her lips were very curved and red, but this time she discovered a kind of reddish black rouge similar to the color of tulip flowers.When this kind of rouge is used there, the smiles and words flowing from the corners of her mouth seem to have this kind of Indian red color.When you listen to her speech, you only need to look at the movement of her two lips, even if you don't listen to the melody of the language, you can understand her true meaning.

I have seen her newly invented decorations; the demands on her body are naturally increasing day by day, and there is also a fear of gains and losses that I did not have before, which makes me unwilling to teach her to walk from my arms for a moment. As a result, she couldn't live indoors, and asked me to follow her to the lively places outside. Seeing her contented, high-spirited, provocative appearance in the crowd, my jealousy will naturally boil from my stomach, as if I would lose a piece of flesh just by looking at her.I always stepped forward and lagged behind to try to cover her up, and I always pretended to be fiercely hostile to the eyes of those hungry wolf-like men by the roadside to resist.And my kind of jealousy, the kind of covetousness of others, seems to be of great interest to her, the more restless I want to urge her to go back, the more shamelessly other people stare at her, the more she To put on that kind of squinting and provocative behavior with a charming smile to increase her complacency.

During the half month, my body was visibly thinner, and because of the hypersexuality, my stamina was gone. Once, it was also a beautiful and lovely afternoon, and she and I went to the Liuchao Range Rover Building in Taoye Ferry to drink tea for half a day and came back.Because of inner tension, jealousy-inspired reasons; I hugged her as soon as I got home, shed tears, and enjoyed all the rights I had over her for once.But when I was exhausted, she was leisurely and carefree, combing my hair with her hands and saying to me: "You child, don't be so crazy. You look like a mad dog recently. What's the use of me going out for a walk? Who taught you to be so small-minded? It's not a good thing to get sick later. Are you afraid How am I? Can I still run now?"

After being soothed by her, all my desires for her will become stronger, and the result will be the same as every time. run out. Of course I followed her when I ran out, and of course others wanted to see her again, and of course my jealousy would never cease.So I ate dinner in a restaurant at night, and when I returned home after dinner, I was still in the same kind of sudden passion and muscle abuse. This kind of state went on and on day after day, and my nervous system completely showed a strange phenomenon. When I go to bed at night, I insist on holding her tightly, holding her in my arms like a pregnant mother. I can’t close my eyes. When I close my eyes, I will dream of her abandoning me and running away, or being killed by strange things. Beasts, rape and play there.On average, one day and one night, there are always more than three dreams like this.

There is another thing on my mind. A year later, it is getting too late. I have used up more than half of my savings and the few hundred yuan I paid to the Provincial Department of A. If this continues, not only Yueying’s Desires, I can not satisfy her, even food and housing, also have problems.Looking for something to do, there is no clue for a while, and in this kind of mental state, even if there is something to do, how can I go on with peace of mind? This thought always haunts my heart when my jealousy is over, after I wake up in a dream, so at the end of the twelfth month of the lunar calendar, when the firecrackers all over the city are being set off in the middle of the night, I woke up suddenly and looked at Yueying's body, which was falling asleep in my arms like a little fat sheep, and tears kept rolling down for no reason. The weakness of my nerves had reached its peak. It's extreme.

While looking at Yueying, her body seems to be mocking my weakness. Since leaving A, she has grown fatter and more colorful.She used to have dry skin due to staying up late, but recently added a layer of oil, it feels as if she has dipped her hands in a cream jar, and the slipperiness will make your fingers sticky .A head of hair, also because of the daily combing and the irrigation of oily perfume, etc., scattered on her snowy shoulders and back at night when she slept, looked like a black feather on the back of an ostrich, making you unable to stop Want to keep them in your mouth, or hold them to your chest.

On the night of the New Year's Eve, she explained that she would go to the temple to burn incense early in the morning, and that I was not allowed to sleep with her, and before going to bed, she asked for a pot of hot water and asked me to wash with her. clean.This night, it was the first time since we left that we slept under the same quilt. I tossed and turned in the first half of the night, and couldn't sleep well.I talked to her for a long time, and even used violence to lift her quilt head. I wanted to squeeze in, squeeze into her quilt, but she resisted desperately and refused to agree to me, which later made me lose my strength. Exhausted, her hands and feet were weak, so she let her sleep on the outer bed alone, so she sighed and lay on the inner bed, silently, pretending to be angry.

When I couldn't sleep and pretended to be angry, she hissed and fell asleep like a child.I turned around and wanted to take advantage of the unpreparedness and climb into the quilt, but seeing her peaceful smile and half-opened eyes, my vile desire seemed to be hit.I moved my head over and kissed her lightly on the mouth, and I covered her quilt, so I let her have a pure dream. I watched her sleeping, thinking about my own thoughts, under a yellow-grey electric lamp, at the end of the year, at this residual night, unconsciously, I heard it strike four o'clock and five o'clock. until the morning when someone on the street outside the door opened the cannon.

When I fell asleep, of course I don't know, and I don't know how long I fell asleep, but when I opened my eyes, I only felt the quiet air surrounding me, silence, silence, silence, even outside the door. The sunlight of the first day of the year seems to have lost its life. I was terrified, and jumped out of bed to see that the charcoal in the brazier had been burnt eighty-nine times, and only a lot of snow-white ashes were still scattered in the middle of the basin. The lotus seed stew that I like to eat is there.Looking back and looking around more carefully, the table was also cleaned up, and there was no difference from usual.Then I opened the drawer of her mirror box and took a look. The combs and many powder boxes and puffs inside were gone. In the lower box, I only found a piece of yellow paper wrapped with lotus seeds. .Sparks lit up in my eyes, and when I read those lines of uneven thickness and crooked words written like children’s, I let out a scream and swallowed it in my throat, and the blood in my whole body seemed to freeze. up. "Jiecheng, I want to go. I don't know where I'm going. You don't have to chase me. I only have your small bag with me. I haven't moved any clothes or anything, and I only took five dollars of money. Ten yuan. The bowl of lotus seeds you love, I will roast it on the fire for you, and take good care of your own body. Yueying" "Ah! She's gone, she's gone!" After thinking about it like this, my sense of disconnection came back again, and a stream of sour tears gushed out like steam.I staggered back a few steps and fell on the quilt she had folded on the outer bed.Holding the quilt tightly with both hands, I cried and cried and cried to my heart's content. When the tears dried up and my chest felt a little more relaxed, I stood up again and checked the things in the room. But holding the things she had used, I recalled the details of each scene, The tears that had just stopped could not help but flow down again.While weeping, I saw that she really didn't take anything when she left. Except for a portable leather basket and two or three pieces of daily-use clothes and utensils that she and I bought in Shanghai this time, her suitcase and her bedding are still in their original places. A bunch of keys, she hung for me on a clothes hook that is easy to see, and my small leather basket for hiding banknotes and foreign money. After she opened it, she still put it on the lid of the box for me. She took away a dozen cash dollars and three or four ten-yuan bills on the first floor, but a postal savings book and a fifty-dollar bill from the HSBC Bank on the inner floor were still there. I hurriedly opened the door and went out to have a look, and saw that the sun was still high in the yard, so I let the thirsty throat go, so I desperately called the waiter to come in. Hearing my anxious cry, the waiter ran in and looked at me, he was also stunned, and asked me what I wanted to do. I wanted to raise my voice and ask him when she left, but tears wet me first. throat, the waiter also saw what I meant, and told me softly as if sympathizing with me: "When my wife went out this morning, she told me, 'You take good care of the master, I'm going to go far away. Now the master is still asleep, don't wake him up. If the coal fire goes out, go again Add a little more. The lotus seeds are also stewed, be careful not to let it burn.' Just a few words. I asked her when she would come back, and she said she was not sure. Is there anything wrong?" "When did she, she, leave?" "It's very early! I'm afraid it's not nine o'clock yet." "Now, what time is it now?" "It's not three o'clock yet!" "Okay, okay, go and pour me some wash water." After the waiter went out, I went back to the room crying again, stared blankly at her box for a long time, and suddenly a bright lightning flashed in my heart. "It's not like she's dead, why are you crying for her? Hurry up and catch her up, and she's not far away anyway. Go, go right away, go after her." When I thought of this, I felt relieved.After holding back my tears and stacking the messy suitcases and other things back to their original place, I straightened up, straightened my clothes, and while clenched my fists and knocked on my chest a few times, I was angry with myself. swore an oath: "In short, as long as I live in this world, I will look for her. No matter what, I will always look for her!"