Chapter 9 Chickweed line

(When this article was included in the English version of the short story collection "Living China" edited by the famous American writer and journalist Edgar Snow in 1936, it was titled "Wisteria and Chillies", and the text is quoted at the beginning of the text. In "Poetry·Xiaoya·倛件": "Cauta and female dill, apply to pines and cypresses", the title of "unfortunate woman" is at the beginning of the work. The original English text is as follows: WISTARIA AND DODDER The wistaria and dodder Cling to the pines ccypresses THE SHI CHINC UNHAPPY WOMAN. ——Editor's note)

Sitting alone in the still afternoon air after all the people living with me have gone out, although on the surface, I am as calm as the sea in spring, but no one can guess the loneliness in my chest and the melancholy in my mind. ?It's three thirty now.On the road outside, there is probably a spring breeze mixed with warm sunshine, which encourages the young men and women to enjoy the spring outing; but why is the transparent air in my room so heavy?On the peach groves and grasslands near Longhua, there are probably many lovers dressed in light silk and embroidered satin in fashionable patterns, singing joyfully to the sky there; Why do you always have the description of mocking me?Ah, at such a cold and warm time, at such a promising age, why can't my vitality and my activity be like grass sprouts under the ice and snow, and some of them can't grow?Ah, my woman!My woman who cannot love but must love!I finally feel sorry for you!

By calculation, your train has already passed Songjiang Station, but the scene of you holding a child in the car window with strangers, I seem to be watching by your side.I have pity on you, a weak woman, who has never gone out alone. You are sitting in the car now, probably recalling the things I abused you when we were living together!Ah, my woman, the woman I have to love, don't shed tears in the car, although I often abuse you, but my heart is pitying you, but loving you; but I If I don’t vent to you all the suffering, oppression, and humiliation I have suffered in society, who else should I vent to!Ah, my favorite woman, if you know my secrets, you should forgive me.

Alas, today is February 21st in the old calendar, and today is Ching Ming Festival!Men and women from all over the place go out to the suburbs for outings. You saw couples parading in the fields on both sides of the train route through the window of the train. Can you not blame me?It's fine if you blame me, if you can hate me and hate me so much that I wish I would die soon, that would be fine.But it can’t be done, it can’t be done no matter what, while you blame me, you must forgive me at the same time, ah, when I think of your beautiful soul, how can I bear it! Counting the past, after I married you, how many days can there be in the happy days we shared?After I went abroad at the age of seventeen, I have been dormant in a ruthless foreign country for eight years.During these eight years, the reason why I didn’t come back to China during the summer vacation and winter vacation, you know?The fact that I have not returned to China for eight years is my rebellion against the old-fashioned marriage contract advocated by my parents!It was not your fault, nor mine, the perpetrators were your parents and my mother.But during these eight years, I should not have remained silent and expressed nothing.

Later, I saw the unbreakable customs in our country, the impossibility of divorce, and because of your parents' urging every day, and my mother's tearful persuasion, I reluctantly agreed to marry you in the summer of the year before last. you get married.But thinking about the harsh conditions I put forward at that time, I still feel heartbroken at this moment.We didn't have all kinds of wedding ceremonies, we didn't have a matchmaker to witness the marriage, we didn't invite relatives and friends to drink, we didn't light a pair of candles, and let off a few fireworks.When you were in the middle of the night, you took a sedan chair from your hometown sixty miles away to my home in the county town. My mother accompanied you to eat a bowl of dinner, and you went upstairs alone. I went to sleep in my room.At that time, I heard that you were suffering from malaria. When I went to bed with a candle in the middle of the night, I saw you wearing a white silk singlet, sleeping there in the dark facing the inner bed.You heard the sound of me coming to bed, but turned around and gave me a silent look.what!At that time, your haggard description, your watery eyes.Your little lips, where the gods are always quivering, I will never forget until I die.I still shed tears thinking about it now!

You, who grew up in a remote village, have never been to school since childhood, and you have never breathed the air of a big city. You have a pair of slender feet and a box of "Four Books for Women" that you read in your family school. The old book came to my home.You don't know how to pretend a woman's coquettishness, nor how to cut the clothes of the season, you only use the word "submissive" as the norm for your actions. After getting married, because of the hot weather in the city, you went to live with me at your house for a few days, and finally lived a few days of peace and happiness; Idle, shed a lot of tears that could not be wiped away, you and I hurried back to our home in the city the day after your nephew made trouble.After two or three days I fell ill again, and you also had a relapse of malaria.I decided to leave my hometown where the air was stale due to illness.On the eve of departure, you didn't say anything, and I didn't have anything to say to you.I came back from my friend's house drunk and slept on the bed. I saw you sitting blankly under the gray light.Pity you, until the next morning when I was about to board the boat, you never came to my bed and slept for a while, and you didn't say a word; when the next day dawned, my mother came to urge me to get up, Said that the ship has arrived at the foot of Lushan.

Since then, I have been separated from you for another two years.You often write to say that the old grandmother at home misses me there, and if you have time in summer and winter vacations, you will ask me to go home to visit my grandmother and mother, but I did not come back because of the flowers and plants in a foreign land and my young friends. . Alas!My life in between those two years!Indulging in red lights and green wine, reckless wandering, unjust lewd pleasures.When I woke up at midnight, under the cool autumn moon, I also missed you, and I also cried several times.But the group of charming prostitutes who have lost their souls, and their delicate and charming fake smiles, finally captivated my conscience.

Although I went back to China once in the fall of the year before last, I didn’t go back to my hometown to see you because my friend invited me to go to A.I lived in place A for three months, returned to Shanghai to celebrate New Year's Eve in the old calendar, and then went back to Tokyo.It wasn't until last year's summer vacation that I submitted my graduation thesis and brought my wandering life to an end, and then returned to China with a lot of old books that I couldn't eat, cold or wear.As soon as I set foot on the shore of Shanghai, the issue of livelihood loomed before my eyes, and the chains of fate that bound me around me tightened day by day.

When I was studying abroad, thanks to our weak and incompetent government, and our compatriots who have not made progress, a zero-plus person like me who is worthless in life and harmless in death has also obtained the qualifications of an official fee student.Although the monthly income is not enough, I rent a house and have no food, and I have bought food and no clothes, but after all, I still have tens of dollars in profit every month. If I manage well, I can barely avoid death.Moreover, he went to the hospital and extorted some medical expenses from his family, and took the invoice from the bookstore to beg his brother for a few dollars to buy books.So in the bustling capital of the emerging country, I lived a life of indulgence for several years.Now that the certain number of years has come, and because the school has to accept underachievers, I can no longer be allowed to have daydreams in the gloomy library with green trees.Moreover, our country's treasury has also been sucked by a few magnet-hearted generals and high officials, which has lost the ability to support our group of rulers who will not make trouble.So I lost my life support in June last year, when my monthly income was gone.Speaking in terms of age, a young man in his twenties like me just happens to go to the society to fight, and I have graduated from a foreign national university. The elder brother who loves himself is begging for information on health preservation.Do you know the reason why I didn’t come home after staying in Shanghai for more than a month during last summer vacation?Let me just explain it to you now, one is because I have spent a few days going through the day, and I have run out of travel expenses to go home, and the other is that I have this difficulty in not being able to go home, you may understand?

Ah, last June outside the bustling city of Shanghai, beside the noisy Huangpu River, I was reading Housman's AShropshire Lad (English: Housman's "Shropshire Lad". -Editor Note) in Come you home a hero Or come not home at all, The lads you levave will mind You Till Ludlow tower shall fall A few lines of clear poems, while staring blankly at the dark and muddy water in the river, how many sighs have been made, and how many tears have been shed.If you knew my desperate feelings at that time, I don't think you would have sent me those slightly complaining letters last year. ——Ah, I remembered, you don’t understand English, so let me translate these poems for you by the way.

"You should return with your clothes, Otherwise never come back, Farewell to your children See the ruins of La Drotta. " I usually have a strong sense of responsibility, and when it is unnecessary, I am very forbearing and prudent. When I was studying abroad, I never wrote a book or made a statement.Naturally timid, I have suffered from inferiority complex since I was a child. In news magazines or in the public, I never dared to blow a little bit of arrogance on my own.I am not in the library, but in the coffee shop, living in the embrace of mountains and rivers. When those modern youths are mobilized as the masses in the examination room, I will never give a generous and elegiac speech, and make some meaningless remarks. limelight.I am stupid by nature, not good at making friends, and not good at making money. To be honest, I am not qualified to survive in the current Chinese society where life competition is fierce and there are traps everywhere. Last June, I found several jobs. After the failure, I thought in my heart that if my family wanted to escape from this foul air and solve the problem of making a living, it would be best to die.But if I want to commit suicide, I must first get some money, drink and eat, get drunk, use my useless weapons, and kill at least one or two human beings in the world—if he is When I was richer than me, I considered removing an evil from society.If he is as miserable as me or worse than me, I will solve his difficulties and save his soul—and then die calmly.Because of this kind of thinking, I dragged my feet heavily at night when I couldn't sleep last summer, and went to the Huangpu River several times, but I still didn't commit suicide.Now I can honestly tell you that when I was there, I never thought about how you would live after my death.My eighty-five-year-old grandmother, and my sixty-something mother, all kinds of questions about what will happen to me after my death are certainly not in my mind.If you read this far, you may scold me for being irresponsible, leaving you behind, and going on a clean path by myself.But I think this responsibility should not be shifted to me. First, our country and society cannot use me to do their work, so that I have the strength to sell money to support my family and you. Therefore, in modern society, Should take responsibility for this.Even if you take a step back, secondly, if your parents can't educate you and enable you to earn a living independently, it is your parents' fault, so your parents should also bear the responsibility.Thirdly, my mother, Qi Clan, knew that I did not have the ability to support you, and tried hard to persuade me to get married, and they should also bear the responsibility.This is just something I thought of when I wrote it now, but I didn't think of it at the time. T Bookstore in Shanghai has some relationship with me, as you know.Didn't you leave from the editor's office of T Bookstore this afternoon?Mr. T, the manager in June last year, saw that I was pitiful, so he shut down a few things for me, but those things didn't mean that I didn't have a reputation, or that I was too tempered, not good at following their wishes, and he didn't want to use me.After I pawned the clothes, gold and silver utensils around me one by one, I ran empty all day for more than half a month in the scorching sun and dusty streets of Shanghai. I have visited all the places in Tokyo where my friends have been taken care of.Sometimes, they invite me to a restaurant for a meal; sometimes, knowing what I mean, they accompany me with a melancholy description, and make many plans for me that don't work.On nights like this, I either wandered along the Huangpu River, or ran to sit on the grass in the French Park alone. The sound of dance music flying over from the dance room, I always burst into tears. Fortunately, at dusk, there is no one around the park, so I have to cry to my heart's content; camped on the grass. On the night of June 18 in the Gregorian calendar—a night I will never forget, Mr. T took a letter from a friend in A to the place where I lived.Usually I'm the only one who looks for him, and he doesn't come to me. As soon as Mr. T enters my door, I know there must be some chance.He did tell me what was in the letter after he sat down at a broken table I was using.He said: "Land A still wants to invite you to teach, are you willing to go?" Teaching is the hardest job for the educated proletariat. You and I have lived together for half a year. I think you know how I don’t want to teach and how hard it is to teach. I don’t need to say anything here.There are many dark places in this school in Kuangsi A. There are a few ambitious people who want to be principals, and they are very jealous. I have to admit that the teaching chairs in places like this were at that time The plight of my life is probably beyond your expectation, because I was like Chatterton (Chatterton, British poet.—Editor’s Note) who was starving under the roof of London at that time. While suffering there, I wrote The home letter I came back was full of eloquence, saying that I was being invited everywhere, and I was being hired everywhere! ah ah!I am also made of flesh and blood. I originally had vanity and self-esteem!Please don't call me a Qiren begging for food!Alas, bad luck, even if you scold me, I am willing to be scolded. After we got married, you gave me a diamond ring. When I was in Tokyo, I sold it for you. You already knew that.When Mr. T handed me the letter of appointment from a school in A, I had exhausted all the valuable clothes and utensils around me.In the library of my school in Tokyo, I remember reading a biography of a German poet Grabbe (Grabbe, German dramatist.—Editor's note).He was so poor that he wanted to go to Beijing to find a job. His mother, who was as poor as me, gave him a pair of ancestral silver tableware as a tool for his job hunting.When he arrived in the lonely capital, he ate a silver spoon today and a silver knife tomorrow, and within a few days, he ate up his ancestral tableware.I remember Heine (Heine, German poet. - Editor's Note) laughed at him.My poverty in June last year was worse than that of Grabbe; the last valuable thing I bought in Tokyo was a silver camera stand made by Tenshodo, which I bought in Tokyo. When I was in a hurry, I had planned to exchange it for some money, but I broke through the difficulties one after another. I was determined to send this little thing to your hands safely; but in the end , After I received a letter of appointment from a certain school in A, I still had to pawn it in the pawnshop and exchange it for a few travel expenses. I walked home to visit my elderly grandmother and mother, and to visit you who are as cowardly and pitiful as a sheep. Last June, on a sunny afternoon, I took a steamboat from Hangzhou and ran home along the picturesque Qiantang River.After crossing Lingqiao Lishan and other mountainous gorge with green trees, when I was approaching the county town of my hometown, I felt a joyful and terrifying feeling in my heart at the same time.Standing on the side of the boat, staring blankly at the mountain scenery before and after the first building of the Chunjiang River, although I was slightly chanting the two lines of Tang poetry "I am more timid when I am close to the hometown, I dare not ask people who come here," but my heart was like this silent prayer: ... The Emperor of Heaven has a spirit, so that no one I know is here in Butou!It would be better not to let them know, or to let them know that I have fallen back today... As soon as the boat touched the shore, I carried two leather baskets in my left and right hands, fell down from the crowd of people under the sunny day, and walked towards home as if fleeing together.As soon as I entered the door, I saw my mother was still drinking in the side dining room.I wanted to raise my guttural voice to call mother affectionately, but as soon as I saw my relatives, I remembered the social insults I had received since returning to China, so my throat was blocked; Throw the leather basket on the stool, and immediately run upstairs to your room in a hurry, so as to hide my bad habit of being unmanly and crying when I am sad. In your room, you shed sweat and tears, sitting in front of the bed and sobbing secretly.I stared blankly for a while, then Fang raised a dry guttural voice and quietly asked why you were crying.After listening to my question, you cried even harder, but in the middle of your secret weeping, there were several sighs that could not be suppressed.I asked you why, but you just shook your head and didn't say anything.I was originally sad, but I was seduced by you again, so I had to hold your head and cry with you.Without time to drink a bowl of hot tea, the mother downstairs cursed and said: "...What kind of princess, I'm going to go upstairs to put on airs after I say these words....Who told you, you little bastard, on the pier of the ship? After wandering around Shanghai for more than a month, I came home and said I didn’t even bark, and threw the suitcase in front of me fiercely... What kind of behavior is this!...Even if you sealed the king and came back, you didn’t behave like this!...The two husband and wife communicated secretly, discussed and discussed, ...you came to murder me." I heard my mother scolding, but stopped crying.Hearing the words "seal the king back", I felt that the blood flow in my whole body poured up.In the hot summer, my hands and feet trembled like in the middle of the winter night.Ah, if you hadn't stopped me at that time, I'm afraid I would have taken the charge of unfilial piety and would bid farewell to my old mother forever.If my mother and I had a quarrel at that time, I would not be able to pay off my grandmother's death this year. For this matter, I have to thank you very much! You didn't know about my sudden return from Shanghai that day, and neither did mother.Later, when my mother's anger calmed down and your sorrow and mine passed, I realized that before I got home, my mother lost her temper and scolded you because I lived in Shanghai for a long time and didn't come home.Ah, for my sake, you have probably said more than this once.No wonder you couldn't stop crying when I told you that I was going to A in a few days.Your docile nature is the source of your life's hardships.It is the same as my abuse of society, which has no resistance at all.ah ah!Resist and resist, I don't know how to resist society, and you don't know how to resist the abuse that is imposed on you, but we who are weak and incompetent, teach us where to resist? After the pain is determined, I read your description, and I am even thinner than when I suffered from malaria the year before last.At night, when I pinch your lower leg, there is no such fat and protruding calf. It is completely straight from the heel to the bend of the knee.ah ah!I know, I know why you shed tears when I told you during the day that I was going to place A. I have decided to take you to place A together, and after I send the express letter urging the school in place A to remit 200 yuan for travel expenses, you and I dare not tell our mother about this plan, for fear that she will disapprove of us.On the night when the travel expenses were remitted, you still hesitated and said: "What should I do if I can't support you when you go outside and you still want to go home!" Poor your nerves that are overwhelmed by authority, you seem to be a Greek witch who can predict today's doom.Alas, I knew that there would be a tragedy today, and I shouldn't have brought you out at that time. I stayed at home with you for a few days in a gloomy last summer vacation, and unexpectedly planted a seed of trouble.When we arrived at Land A and settled the house and utensils, your body is no longer an ordinary body.Vomiting after eating a few mouthfuls.I just lie lazily on the bed every day.In the first month, I scolded you a few times because I didn't know the details. In the last three or four months, your body became heavier day by day, and my nerves were stimulated by various things, and I became violent day by day. Firstly, because the courses in school were dry and tasteless, I went to class every day as if I were being tortured with a torture device, and I only felt a kind of oppression in my chest. Second, because I published a text of an old work in a magazine, I lost a lot of boring time.Some bad elements who were jealous of me wanted to use this as my funeral song, and attacked me one after another. Thirdly, I am used to spending money at ordinary times. When I think of resigning from the professorship, I will have to taste the bitter taste of unemployment like I did in June.Besides, now that I have a family and future children, if I lose my job again, it will be even more difficult than before. I have also mentioned before that although I was a cowardly victim in society, I was a fierce tyrant in my family.The abuse, bullying, and insults I have suffered in society, I will vent to you when I get home.Poor you, since October last year, you have turned into a sinless lamb, atoning for the society every day, and making a sacrifice for an impotent tyrant like me.When I came back from being angry outside, I didn't say that the dishes you cooked were not delicious, but I just scolded you for causing me to suffer.When I thought about the miserable situation when I was unemployed in the future, every time I got excited, I cursed and said: "Go to hell! If you die, I will have an early life. I have worked so hard, why do people work here as cattle and horses. If I am alone, where can I go? Why should I work in this dead place? Hard work! You who only know how to sit and eat at home, you walking corpse, what is the purpose of your existence in this world?..." You couldn't be scolded by me, so you cried secretly.After I scold you, I have vented the grief and anger in my chest, and I will probably immediately scold myself, come forward to caress you, and use a soft voice to explain the reason for my anger—— The mistreatment of me by society - tell you.After hearing this, you held the grievances for me, and cried bitterly for me every day. In the end, it finally came to the point where the two of you were weeping at each other.Such a situation, at first, was only once a few days, but later on when the annual leave was coming, it changed to once a day or several times a day. Alas, this tragic birth, I wonder if it is the sin of marriage?Or a social evil?If it was caused by the wrong reasons for getting married, then this problem is easy to solve; if it is because of the bad organization of society that I cannot get a proper job and you cannot live a happy life, thus giving birth to this family tragedy, Then our society will have to be fundamentally reformed. In the midst of such sorrows, I and your sad successor were born. This little life without full term seems to be a neurotic and unlucky child.Look at the blue vein on his forehead when he cried, isn't it evidence of nervousness?When you are hungry, if you delay breastfeeding, he will always cry. Such a character is the basis for future hardship.Alas, since I was born into this world and suffered from such a society, when I can’t survive or die, why bother to give birth to this piece of flesh in this world?ah ah!Contradictory, ashamed, I can't explain it.If anyone asks a question in the future, please answer it. The tragedy ended a month ago.At that time, your nerves were already in a daze, and you probably couldn't remember clearly, but I still remember it firmly.That night, when the moon in its last quarter was just rising in the east. After I resigned from my professorship, I asked my brother to find a position in a certain bank.But unfortunately, things were unlucky, and a certain bank was unable to open due to political issues.I live in A place, drinking at home every day, and when I get drunk, I scold you and the newborn child loudly, saying that you and the child are my shackles, and I will probably drown to death because of you.I force you to go back to your hometown, but you refuse.I scolded for a while that night, and I was already sleepy.In the middle of half awake and half asleep, I saw from the tent that I saw you talking to a child. "...You have to be good...be good....Little Treasure, go to sleep...don't be annoying to father...don't be...after mother is gone...be...be...be good..." After talking for a while, I seemed to see you sitting in the shadow of the foreign lamp wiping your tears. This is your normal state. I got impatient, so I turned around.Facing the inner bed.I felt behind my back that you cried for a while under the lamp, then stood up and lifted my curtain to look at me again.I just felt sleepy at that time, so I didn't talk to you.I fell asleep after that. When the coachman in front of our street was beating us outside our door, I jumped out of the quilt.When I stumbled and walked out the door, I was already in a daze.I only saw your loose hair, knotted together, around your neck.It is the time when the last-string moon rises from the east, and the yellow-gray moonlight shines on your face; your originally gray complexion reflects a cold light, your eyes are well closed, and your lips are still slightly Your drenched padded jacket is black and blue because of the shadows of the coachmen who brought you back.As soon as I put the foreign lamp on the ground, I hugged you and called a few times. Your eyes opened and then closed immediately, but two tears welled up from the corners of your eyes.Ah, I know that you didn't blame me in your heart at that time, I know you didn't blame me, I can tell what's on your mind when I see your tears, but how can I not cry, how can I cry Do not cry?What am I afraid of?What else do I need to be decent?I cried out in front of everyone.At that time they have already moved you into the house.The child sleeping on your bed heard the noisy voices, and sobbed with amplified throat.It was probably when the cry of the child reached your eardrums that you opened your eyes and glanced at me with tears in your eyes.While I'm changing your wet clothes, I'm teaching you to sleep peacefully, and leave that child alone.It just so happened that the nurse hired by the next wall also got up when she heard the noise and ran over. I know you miss the child, so I taught the nurse to carry the child for me.When the nurse walked past you on the bed with the baby in her arms, you gave her another look.At the same time, I heard the whistle of a ship on the Yangtze River: The fifteen days I spent nursing you in the hospital were the days when my heart was the purest.I am very self-interested, and I have never felt such a pure love.Poor you, when your body heats up to forty-one degrees, you suddenly sit up from your sleep and ask me: "Longer, what's the matter?" "Are you going to the bank?" When I left from A, I originally planned to go home with you to live with you. In such a society, there will never be a place for me.Even if one finds a job, there is no hope for a fool like me.Although our family is not wealthy, it can still be regarded as middle class. There are a few grains of rice to support you, to support me, to support our Long Er.You are twenty-seven this year, and I am twenty-eight this year.Even if you and I each have a good life at fifty years old, how many years will we have in the future?I also don't want to be rich and famous.If I have to trade my conscience for a little worthless fame or a few unrighteous money, and sacrifice others to be my stepping stones, then why bother.This was originally my resolution when I set off from point A with you and Longer.Didn't you and I take out a lot of architectural patterns a few nights before departure?Didn't the two of us draw a good picture of the small thatched hut that we planned to build by our own hands in the field near the northern city after we returned home?A few days before our departure, didn't we go to the memorable places in A, did we go to all the places related to you and me?When I was on the Yangtze River ship, this determination was still very strong. My determination was shaken on the second day of my arrival in Shanghai.During the day, I took pictures with you and had lunch. Didn’t I visit a friend who had just returned from Japan?I told him my plan, and he didn't say yes or no, but he only pointed to his children and said: "Look at me, I don't want to escape. Isn't my department more tired than yours?" ah ah!With a victorious mind, I, who was twice as strong as others, fled back to my hometown like a chicken in the water when my soldiers were crippled. I don't want to go on stage to act!After I came back, I didn't fall asleep all night.You know the depression in my chest, so you just keep silent, because at this time, if you say a word, you will inevitably not be scolded by me.This is my old temper. Although I haven't had it since you entered the hospital until that day, it was a frequent one before your incident happened. This state continued for three days.Last night, you probably made me feel uncomfortable, so when I was sitting on the bed, you said to me: "Don't be in such a hurry, you can live in Shanghai alone. You just have to take me on the train, Long Er and I can go back, you don't have to go with us. I think I will take the afternoon train back tomorrow. Go to Zhejiang." Originally, there was another place to invite us and my wife to dinner tonight, but because you were afraid that I would change my promise to send you and the child home first, you left today in a hurry.On the one hand, I only feel sorry for you, and on the other hand, I hate you for some reason.So when I was picking things up there, there were two pools of clear tears in my eyes, but I was silently unable to speak.It wasn't until after I sent you to the car that I sat in the car seat for a while, and when the car was about to leave, I said, "The weather is fine today." You know what I mean, so you turned your head towards the car window over there , as if checking the weather there, and didn't look back for a long time.Alas, if you had looked at me with your watery eyes at that time, I might have burst into tears with you at once.Perhaps they will still keep you in Shanghai and won't let you go back alone.Maybe I will accompany you back to Zhejiang, or at least I may accompany you to Hangzhou.But you didn't turn your head back, and I didn't say another word, so I stood up and got off the car.I stood on the platform for a while, deliberately not looking at your glass window.While waiting for the car to drive, I caught up with you a few steps, but I took a look at you. I saw a mark on your left cheek glowing there.I saw that the train was going far away, and everyone on the platform ran out. I was the last one alone, and walked out of the station slowly.I don't know what the reason is, I just feel that I can't see you again in the future, I feel very sad.ah ah!My ominous words are too much.I only hope that you and Long'er are in good health, and that you and your mother have a harmonious relationship.No matter what, I will not drown myself, please rest assured.Do write to me when you get home!I can't make up my mind until I receive your letter that you have arrived home safely. I am here waiting for your letter. Afternoon of Ching Ming Festival on April 6, 1923 (Originally published in Volume 2, No. 1 of "Creation Quarterly" on May 1, 1923, according to "Duff's Short Stories Collection" volume 1)