Chapter 8 a letter home

In terms of organization, this is an ideal small family: a husband, a wife, and a three-year-old boy.However, the "ideal" may not only be based on simple organization, then this small family cannot be completely like a small paradise, but also share the pain and anxiety in the world. From the sound of this small family, we can judge that its development seems to be a bit deformed, and we also know that those who lose their balance will surely fall, even a family is no exception. Here we only hear the lady screaming, and the gentleman seems to be mute.We speculate in good faith that this gentleman's silence must have painstaking efforts and hope to maintain peace.However, how hard it is to understand between people; when he didn't speak out, she became more angry: "Speak! Talk! What's the matter? Are you dumb? Well, if you don't want to talk to you so hard, just Divorce! Divorce!"

Yes, Fan Caizhu—the female dictator of that small family—knows that there is such a thing as divorce in the world, who knows what procedures and significance it would have if it were actually done, anyway, she thinks These two words are very powerful, they are neither stupid nor wild, but they are enough to make the husband somewhat anxious.Her hair is so finely permed, she is really in the airplane style of 1937, her face is so fragrant; her round arms, high breasts, and her clothes are so particular about hugging her body; if she wants to say divorce, how can he? Can you not be in a hurry?After a while of fuss, she looked at herself in the mirror and felt like a movie star.Although she didn't dislike her husband very much--he was handsome and good-natured--but after all she should lose her temper often, and it seemed that only embarrassing him would be enough to lessen her own grievances.He is indeed not bad, but "not bad" does not mean "everything is good". He only earns two hundred dollars a month!It's true, the two hundred yuan was all given to her, and then she guessed his needs and gave him three or five yuan; but with her face, her arms, her breasts, and her feet, how could she be able to live in the house? Can the beauty be fully displayed under 200 yuan?Moreover, the more embarrassed you are by beauty, the more you have to put on airs. Even if you can buy a second-class ticket to watch a movie, because you are sitting in the dark, you have to go to a box to listen to a play—absolutely not to be compromised!Ah, the use of these two hundred dollars, and all the housework, communication, and maintenance of face-how difficult and annoying it is to mobilize it flexibly and beautifully within two hundred dollars!Especially for herself, it was too difficult!Even what should be spent on men and children is borrowed and used on oneself, and silk stockings mixed with hemp have to be worn as pure silk socks!Even the bedding is reluctant to be removed and washed on time, and I still can't go back to the movies to call a car, but sometimes I have to ride in that shabby rubber car that makes people want to cry!Yes, Lao Fan is not bad, he is very honest if he is not picky about food and drink, but he can only earn two hundred yuan!

Lao Fan really loved his woman and his little boy.Before getting married, he made up his mind to marry an enlightened beauty.For this purpose, he worked very faithfully and lived a very frugal life; he cut off all the little romantic behaviors of young people like cluttered leaves, and only cultivated that one big romantic flower.Don't even eat cigarettes! Saving money, he emboldened himself, donning a suit tailor-made for a romantic event, and going on an adventure.He saw, he pursued, and he married Miss Caizhu. Caizhu was not as amazing as she thought, nor was she as beautiful as Lao Fan thought.But she is young, she is lively, and she can be fake; it taught Lao Fan that even if Caizhu is not the most ideal woman, she is similar to that; no matter where she is placed, she will not appear outdated or rustic.So, I took out my savings, paid off the biggest romantic debt of my life, and got married.He has no bad means of earning more money, but has the real ability to maintain a salary of 200 yuan.Negatively, he conscientiously does not allow himself to fall below two hundred yuan, which is his romantic economic level.

He has experienced the taste of using superficiality as enlightenment, using hypocrisy as a skill, and using beauty as a beautiful woman.But he doesn't regret it.He thought he should show his true love in trying to please her, show his composure in not retaliating, and show his bravery in providing for her.He has to be a model husband so that he can live up to his own ideals, even if his partner is less than ideal.Besides, she gave birth to Xiaozhu.After giving birth to Xiao Zhu, she became noticeably rounder, more enlightened, and more lively. She was both a young woman and a mother. The beauty of youth was combined with the dignity of a mother, and the smell of powder and frankincense were combined; he should Bow!It's true that she is also more powerful, but when he thinks about it carefully, he can't blame her.A woman is always a woman, he thought, if you want a woman, you have to give up yourself.Besides, he still has Xiao Zhu, who can play and sleep together; teach the young mother to make noise, he will play most intimately with a new life, and be an ideal father.He would use the laughter and affection of two men—he and Xiaozhu—to resist a woman’s domineering; even the words resistance and domineering still come to mind occasionally, but they are not always in his heart, making his heart hard .

From his attitude towards Caizhu, we can see his intentions and methods of conducting himself in the world.He is very loyal. If he is passive, he does not seek meritorious service, but only seeks no faults. If he is active, he wants to be worthy of his conscience and the reward of 200 yuan—he is always willing to sell his strength for 300 yuan without feeling wronged. .In this way, everyone regards him as a person with no future, and even if they are begging him to do more, they just think he is useless and easy to deceive, and they absolutely do not thank him. He doesn't underestimate himself, no, he thinks he's a little tough.He absolutely doesn't worry about himself. With his ability, he can earn two hundred yuan anywhere, and he will always be worthy of that money.To maintain this cost of living, it is inconvenient for him to think about ways and plans to move forward.He will never go to a face-to-face fortune-telling.He doesn't ask for luck, but just does his best.He does not promote anything or any doctrine, he only devotes his life to legitimate work.Sometimes he considers himself a cow, just because a cow is quite great.

Pingjin was lost like a nightmare, and Lao Fan was in Peiping.He had to come out, his conscience forbade him to accept any dishonest money.However, he couldn't get out.He has no money, and has a wife who is only willing to leave if she takes at least a second-class car. In Caizhu's view, the world is just a big playground, no matter it is windy or rainy, she has to wear high heels to watch the excitement. "Where are you going? You just have the heart to leave me and Xiaozhu? I'll go too? Teach me to suffer as if I'm fleeing? If you're really sensible, it's over! How do you get these things, these things? Let's not talk about anything else! You can go away like a beggar, I can’t do without anything! Are you silent again? Well, if you have an idea to take everything away, decently, like an execution, I will go with you; open It's good to open your eyes!"

Holding Xiaozhu in his arms, Lao Fan didn't say a word.He doesn't want to criticize Caizhu, he just thinks that giving up his wife is as cruel as giving up the national flag, and he doesn't have the ability to keep both at the same time!He hated himself for being incompetent, so he forgave Caizhu for his ignorance. For a few days, he wandered around the house.He didn't dare to go out, not because he was afraid of being killed by the enemy, but because he didn't have the courage to kill the enemy.At home, he listened to his wife's nagging, watched Xiao Zhu play, and tears always captivated his eyes.Whenever he heard Xiaozhu call him "Dad", he bit his lip and nodded.

"Xiao Zhu!" He was in so much pain that he had no choice but to say something. "Xiaozhu! You are a little subjugated slave!" This was heard by Caizhu. "What nonsense! If you have the ability to send us to Hong Kong, why worry about it here! Xiao Zhu, come here, your father should be like Xiao Zhong's father, that's good enough!" Her voice softened Many, looking at the distance, with a charming envy on his face: "He took away twenty boxes of clothes and went to live in the Tianjin Concession! Is Xiao Zhong's mother as beautiful as me?" "Xiao Zhong's mother, your ears look like this!" Xiaozhu's fat hands pushed her ears forward, she knew she would win her mother's favor, because she had done it not once.

Cheng Xiaozhu and Caizhu were sound asleep, Lao Fan went quietly to the outer room.Cover the lamp with a black cloth and find the letter paper.He had to escape from the dead city, but since he got married, he didn't have any savings, so he couldn't take his family away.Even if he reluctantly took them out, he didn't find the right thing to do right away, so he might as well leave the little money he could get together to Caizhu, and try his luck alone; find a suitable job, and then try to pick them up; for a while If he can't find a job, he can make do with it anyway, and they won't suffer right away.Okay, he wanted to leave a few words for Caizhu to explain the meaning, and then he ran out secretly without even taking the bedding.

He started writing letters.There are thousands of words in my heart, the love of husband and wife, the crisis of state affairs, the responsibilities of the family, the obligations of the people, the embarrassment of parting, the hope for the future, the comfort to my wife, the entrustment to Xiaozhu...all should be written in.However, when the strokes are on the paper, his enthusiasm is shattered by sadness, and what he writes is only a few most ordinary and weak words!One was torn, and the second was no better than the first, and it was torn to shreds again.He didn't have the courage to take a pen again.

Didn't leave a piece of paper behind, just sneak away like this?He is not so cruel.His wife, his son, cannot be left alone when the country is in danger and the city is in danger, even if his escape is for the country. Walking in gently, he saw the silhouettes of his wife and son by the light of the outhouse.He can remember everything in this outline very clearly; he can remember the position of a mole and a small scar very accurately.These two are the life of his life.No matter how many shortcomings Caizhu has, no matter what future Xiaozhu has, he must first fulfill the responsibility of protecting and protecting it.His heart softened.Can't go, can't go!It is unwise to die in one place, but emotionally it seems very human.He didn't sleep all night. At the same time, there seemed to be some voices outside the dead city, telling him to hurry up and be a courageous and useful person under the national flag. If he conveyed this call to Caizhu, and Caizhu could understand, he would be able to walk out of the house with tears in his eyes and a smile; even if he could never see her again, he would be able to bear it and have a clear conscience.However, he knew that Caizhu would never understand; talking to her in detail would only cause her to make a fuss; leaving without saying goodbye would be too cruel.He couldn't think of a good way.Walk?not to go?Had to decide, couldn't decide; he was a trapped beast in a dead city. In his anxiety, he saw a glimmer of light.He had to find a way that would not hurt her heart too much and not make himself too sad among the things Caizhu could understand.It is useless to talk to her about state affairs, her body is her life, and she doesn't know what else is outside her body. "I'm going to earn money, so I have to go!" He knew that this was not true, but only by saying this could he move her heart and run away from her. "I've got something to do, I've settled down, and I'm here to pick you up; I must not be like fleeing, and I will do my best to make you and Xiaozhu feel comfortable!" "What about now?" Caizhu had no money in her hand. "I'll borrow it! I can borrow as much as I can; I won't take any of them, and I'll keep them all for you!" "Where are you going?" "Shanghai, Nanjing—places where you can make money!" "When you come to Shanghai, be sure to buy me some clothes!" "must!" With such practical promises and conditions, Lao Fan taught himself to see the national flag again.From Nanjing to Wuhan, he worked hard; after work, he silently missed his wife.He didn't dare to waste a single amount of money, so that he could live up to his wife; he didn't dare to perfunctory a single thing, so that he could be worthy of the country.He is thin, he is busy, he is worried about his small family and his country.He often wrote letters to Caizhu, reporting everything about him, and apologetically explaining the meaning of his work outside.He looked forward to the letter from his family as earnestly as he hoped to win a battle, but Caizhu didn't reply.He knew that it was Caizhu who had received his money and letter, and she would keep silent when the money was in her hands, as always.But he was worried after all; he didn't blame Caizhu for being ignorant and negligent, but it was because of her ignorance that he was even more worried.He was even worried about whether Caizhu would be able to take care of Xiaozhu, because although Caizhu didn't understand the anti-wives and mothers very well, she would forget all family responsibilities for her own enjoyment.Lao Fan doesn't hate Caizhu because of this, but since he is away, he can't do some neglected things for Xiaozhu, this is very worrying, and he should blame himself. He has changed jobs three times in six or seven months, not because he saw Li Siqian, but because he was dragged everywhere, knowing that he was willing to take charge of things.In the war, people do gradually show their conscience, and they know how to use a few honest people to do things, even if they are still unwilling to do their best.Under such circumstances, Lao Fan's value began to be seen by everyone, and he became an operator.He also maintained the salary level of 200 yuan, although in fact he only got a little over 100 yuan.He doesn't complain about taking less money and doing more; but he knows that Caizhu will cost money.Since he was unable to pick her up and couldn't send her more money, in his opinion, it was a cruel thing.He always wanted to be worthy of her, no matter how superficial and ignorant she was. When he arrived in Wuchang, he served in a military institution.He is extremely busy, but in the midst of his busy schedule, he has to worry about Caizhu, which makes him often make small mistakes.Busy, worried, and ashamed, the three attack together, sometimes he is very confused, wishing to forget everything and only worry about everything at the same time, afraid that he will go crazy, but his heart is always in a trance. Under the frantic bombardment of enemy planes, he still went about his business as usual.He was afraid, but not because he was afraid of being bombed to death, but because he was worried about his wife in danger.Why is there no letter?If he had a letter from her, he would be able to work carefree in the bombing without fear.That letter would be his greatest consolation! Here comes the letter!He didn't care about anything, but read it over and over again trembling.After reading it three times, I still didn't understand what she was talking about, but I saw her figure in those words, and I thought of Xinyue and Xiaozhu's lovely voice and appearance when they were in love.What happened to Xiaozhu?He searched for it in the letter, searching every word; no, there was no mention of Xiao Zhu!Disappointment made his heart cool; he understood that most of the words were blaming him!Her form and shadow and everything disappeared, and in front of him was only the rigid writing, and some cruel and ruthless writing!alarm!He went out, not knowing where to go; he held the letter in his hand.Look again, look again, although he can't get comfort, he still wants to see from the lines that she and Xiaozhu are safe.No, there is no word "ping" and "an", even if they are written separately and in different places; no!Not enough money, no entertainment, no new clothes, why don't you come back?You're enjoying yourself outside and forgetting about your home...emergency alarm!He stood outside the door, holding the letter.The plane arrives, the anti-aircraft guns go off, and he doesn't move.Holding the letter tightly, what he saw was not the plane in the sky, but the plane-like hair of Caizhu.He would like to put his lips on the twisted and fragrant hair; he looked at the letter paper in his hand; his heart was stabbed like a knife.Running in extremely busy, he suddenly remembered an official matter that should be done quickly. After running a few steps, he fell to the ground, his head exploded from his neck, and the blood splashed to the front, adding some red dots to the letter home.