Chapter 10 crooked hair

When we were young, the two of us—Bai Renlu and I—would go to small teahouses after school to listen to storytelling.We don't spend all of our daily snack money on snacks, and leave part of it for book money.Although Uncle Sun, the shopkeeper of the teahouse, didn't necessarily want our money, we both refused to listen in vain.In fact, the two of us are really not good enough to listen to books: I was combing a small pendant root with a red string on the back of my head; Ren Lu combed two big crooked hairs.When the Second Uncle Sun used the little radish to make money, as soon as he came in front of us, he whispered, "Crooked hair!" After taking the money, he immediately grabbed a lot of boiled green beans or peanuts for us with a smile. Mi Lai: "Eat it, crooked hair!" He doesn't like to call me Xiao Chuangen, so I'm a little unhappy.But to be honest, Renlu is more respectable than me.His face is just like the white doll in the New Year pictures, although not so fat.Single eyelid, small round nose, delicate and good-looking.As soon as he ran, the two crooked hairs beat their faces left and right, like a rattle.With green and tender scalp, after shaving his head, no one would want to tap him three times - shave his head and hit him three times.Even if it hits a little harder, he is not in a hurry.

He is not naughty, but sometimes he can't memorize books.Crooked Mao Renlu could not be beaten because he couldn't memorize the books. His wife forbade the teacher to beat him. He is the crooked hair baby of his wife: he went to the street to buy her a strand of white cotton thread, or vinegar for two small coins, all belonged to Renlu thing.But he found it himself.Whenever he can't memorize the book, he has a bigger temper than the teacher.He blushed, wrinkled his nose, and said to his teacher, "Don't memorize it! Don't memorize it!" Before the teacher got angry, he added: "I just don't memorize it, it depends on you!" Just take the board.Ren Lu didn't rub his palms, and he didn't delay, blinking his single eyelids very fast, shaking his crooked hair, and went to receive the tablet.After the beating, tears rolled in the eye sockets for a long time, like water splashes swirling and not seeping.He was not allowed to cry all the time.After a while, his temper dissipated, he rubbed his hands on his knees, and read with his head down, without making a sound, his small mouth was like a fish on a hot day, moving very fast and tight.

It's strange that such a handsome kid has such a tough temper. At the age of entering middle school, he looked even better.Not very fat yet, but the eyebrows and eyes are opened.We all had little red pustules on our faces, but he was still so white.Afterwards, he did not enter middle school, and one of the students in the previous class squeezed his arm, and said, "I'm sorry, girl!" Renlu didn't say a word, and just beat the student's face into a bun.He wasn't fighting, he was desperately fighting, and even the one who persuaded the fight suffered a little bit of accidental injury.The next day, he didn't come to class.He was admitted to another school.

For more than ten years, the two of us have not seen each other.It is said that he graduated from university and went to work outside. In the last episode before Lunar New Year last year, it was very cold.Thousand Buddha Mountain was covered with thick and cold black clouds.The sharp wind blows out people's noses, ears and lips like a ghost.I'm fine, and I live not far from Shanshuigou, so I wanted to take a look at it.There are often a few good books or something in the collection. I thought that there would be fewer people in the cold weather, but in fact, Jishang is not calm; no matter how cold it is, the New Year will always pass.I turned around and saw nothing that was in my way—heaps of kelp, paper statues of the God of Wealth, frozen pork slices, none of which had much to do with me.I wanted to stop going around, but there was a stall in the extreme south with a few books on display, which caught my attention. This stall is two or three feet away from the business, and the place is not often visited by tourists.If I hadn't walked to the south, if I hadn't paid attention to books, I would never want to go there.I walked over and looked through those books—they were all old English textbooks. I thought to myself, who buys old textbooks at the end of the new year?When I was reading, I saw the feet of the book seller, a pair of very old cotton shoes, but they were made of satin: the socks were still summer singlets.Others were stamping their feet, it was really cold; these feet seemed to be frozen on the ground, not moving.I closed the book and walked away.

Probably everyone has that time: a very irrelevant thing, such as seeing a group of ants grabbing a green worm, or seeing a mangy dog ​​being beaten, can make us unhappy for a long time. It sticks to our hearts like a disease.That's how these torn satin shoes stick to my heart.After walking a few steps, I turned my head involuntarily.The book seller is bending over to put those books.In fact, I didn't mess it up: there are only a few books, and there is no way to mess it up.I could see that he didn't do this for a long time.Selling odds and ends is not so careful.He was wearing an old gray cotton gown, very thin, and on his head was an old-fashioned hat that no one wanted.From his body, I saw the Nanxuzi Wall, Qianfo Mountain, and the black clouds on the mountain, forming a piece of coldness.I seem to be drawn to him.Decided to go back, although feel embarrassed.I know that when I walk up to him, I may not dare to look at him.There is such an arrogance in him, like a ruined temple, even though it is dilapidated, it still makes people respect.I can't tell how I walked back those few steps, but anyway, I stood in front of him again.

I recognize those two eyes, the single eyelid.I don't dare to recognize the rest of the place for a while, and the clearest memory doesn't dare to resist time. We haven't seen each other for more than ten years.He glanced at me, and quickly turned his eyes to Qianfo Mountain: It must be him, and I recognized this look again. "Brother Renlu?" I asked boldly. He glanced at me again, looked at the mountain again, but turned back very quickly.There was no expression on his thin face, only his cheeks moved slightly, his arrogance made him unwilling to talk to me, but the words "Brother Renlu" touched his heart.Without saying a word, he took my hand.Hands are cold.With his face towards the mountain, he smiled silently.

"Let's go, I live not far from here." I held him with one hand and picked up those books with the other. He called me.Then after a while, "I'm not going!" I looked up, his tears rolled in his eyes.I let go of his hand, clamped a few books, and pretended to smile, "You have to go if you go, or you have to go if you don't go!" "I'll find you later," he still didn't move. "You don't need it!" I still deliberately said, "Wait a while? Gubao can't find you again?" He seemed anxious and embarrassed; no matter how proud he was, he couldn't help but forgive his classmates when they wore pigtails.As soon as he was walking, I realized that his shoulders were protruding a lot.He came with me.

We arrived home in less than five minutes.Along the way, I was always afraid that he would turn the screen wall with me.After he sat in the house, I felt relieved, as if a treasure had really fallen into my hands.But I can't speak.Ask him what?How to ask?He looked visibly disturbed, and I refused to scare him away. Come to think of it, there is still a bottle of white wine.I found the wine and a few golden jujubes.Well, take these treats.Anyway, it's better than sitting so stiff.He picked up the wine glass, his hands trembling a little.After drinking half a cup, his eyes became a little wet, like a child drinking hot porridge after school in winter.

"When did you come here?" I tried to say. "Me? How many days has it been?" He looked at a small chip of cork on the rim of the glass, as if he was negotiating with this small thing. "Don't know I'm here?" "I don't know." He glanced at me, as if he had a lot to say and didn't want me to ask any more. I'm determined.Hate, but we were childhood classmates. "Where do you live?" He laughed, "Where do you still live? With me like this?" He was still laughing, very bored. "Well, this is your home, so you don't have to leave. Let's listen to the drum book together. There are three or four drummers singing drums in Baotu Spring:, huh?" I wanted to coax him into liking him. "Remember going to listen to "Shi Gong An" together when I was a child?" My words didn't have the desired effect, and he didn't say anything.But I am not disappointed.Advise him to drink, and wine will open a person's mouth.Fortunately, he didn't refuse the wine very much, and his two faces gradually turned red.My idea came again: "Say, what to eat? Noodles? Dumplings? Cakes? Tell me, so I can prepare them." "If you don't eat, you have to sell those books!"

"Don't eat? You can't leave!" After staying with the boss for a long time, he nodded, "You're still so lively!" "Me? I'm not the same as when we wore pigtails! How time flies, I'm over 30 before I know it, something unexpected!" "If you are over thirty, you should die. A dog only lives for ten years." "I'm not that pessimistic yet," I knew had led him on the way. "Life is not a fun game yet!" he sighed. As this goes on, it must go further and further: what I want to know is what happened to him.I changed my strategy and started to tell him what I had been through these years, somehow including life and pessimism in it, so it was obviously blunt.It took a lot of trouble before I used this formula - "I'm done talking, it's time to listen to you." In fact, he already understood what I meant, and he didn't pay attention to what I said all the time.Otherwise, I'd have to do a few more detours before quoting the formula.His eyes shortened my words a lot.After I finished speaking, he seemed to be helpless, and asked, "What do you want me to say?"

This really embarrassed me a bit.Don't lawyers often force prisoners to ask this question?But I made a fool of myself, anyway, we have friendship.To put it bluntly, this may be in line with his temper: "How did you end up like this?" He didn't answer for a long time.It's not that it's hard to say, he's thinking about it.Life is not organized. Aren't old friends often relatively silent when they meet? "Where do we start?" He seemed to be negotiating with the little fork in his life. "Do you remember that when we were young, I was not short and beaten?" "Remember, it's all about your weird temper." "Not all about temper," he shook his head slightly. "We were both children then, so I didn't tell you; to be honest, I didn't realize what was going on at the time. I realized later that it was my eyes. "Isn't it a pair of good eyes?" I said. "It's a good pair of eyes on weekdays; however, sometimes I get sick." "How to get sick?" I began to wonder if he was a little mentally ill. "It's not some kind of physical disease that hurts the eyes or something. It's a disease that has no cure. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and I can see something—I don't know anyone." "Visions?" I wanted to help him. busy. "Not a vision, I didn't see anything green-faced and red-tongued. It was images. Not images yet; it was a look. For example, you get the idea, you remember that teacher when we were kids? Good one People, isn’t it? But when I was sick, he was very hateful, so I went sideways with him. After a while, my sickness passed, and he was still him, so I was beaten in vain. It’s just an air, Hateful look." I didn't wait for him to finish before I asked, "You sometimes see that air in me, don't you?" He smiled: "Probably, I don't remember very well. Anyway, we have quarreled, and there was always one time because I thought you were disgusting. Fortunately, we stopped being together when we entered middle school. Otherwise...you know , my illness is getting worse and worse. When I was young, I didn't feel this, and I just got angry when I saw that look; later, I couldn't control myself, and once I saw who was disgusting, I just couldn't help it. Fighting, I can no longer associate with him, and I don’t even want to say a word. Now, in my memory, only everything in my childhood is sweet, because the disease was not deep at that time. After twenty, I remember everything that is hateful. In my heart! My memory is a bunch of ugly photos!" He froze. "Everyone is hateful?" I asked. "When I was sick, there were no exceptions. My parents and brothers were all hateful. If I was perfunctory, I had to perfunctory everything, and life would be embarrassing. If I didn't plan to be perfunctory, I would have to beat each other, but I couldn't do it. Slowly, I became a A man who has no family and no children and no friends. Why make friends? How can you make friends? Knowing that one day you will find out that he is disgusting!" I added a sentence: "What you call hateful should probably be changed to weakness. Everyone has a weakness, so it doesn't necessarily make you hateful." "It's not weakness. Weakness is enough to make people hate, but it can also make people pity. For example, I don't see this when I see a person who likes to get drunk. In fact, I can see it without my pair of eyes. If you don't believe me, try it." Try, you can see something too, but it’s not as strong as my eyes. You don’t have to look at the whole face of a person, but just look at his eyes, nose, or mouth, and you can see something disgusting. Especially Eyes and mouth, sometimes when a person is talking about morality and righteousness to you, you can see a living spring painting moving in his eyes. When the mouth is showing teeth and spraying dung, you only have to smile! The more superior the more hateful The uneducated ones are better, and they're abominable, but the abominable ones are more obvious; the good ones cover them up. If I didn't have such a pair of eyes, wouldn't life be a big deception? Let me give you another example. I went to the theater once. , a man in his thirties came beside him, very decent and well-dressed. I squinted and saw that he was disgusting. My heart was on fire. Don't do my business, of course; but why? The hateful person only wants a decent face? This is the shame and fault of life. At this moment, the ticket is being inspected. This gentleman has no ticket, so he stared at the ticket inspector and said: "My surname is Wang. , I have never bought a ticket, even if the Japanese check the ticket, my surname Wang still does not buy it! "I can't control myself anymore. I don't mean to punish him, but to show him what he really is. I gave him a very powerful mouth. Guess what happened to him? He yelled, go away. To It’s hard to say that he is hateful. This is not a weakness, it’s a deliberate beating—it’s a pity that no one beats him often. His original form is a bitch chasing beggars and biting. Fortunately, I was sick at that time, otherwise, he would have In my eyes, it is also a decent male dog." "Then you are willing to be sick!" I asked intentionally. He didn't seem to hear, I said again, and he smiled again. "I can't say that I enjoy it; but it's even more embarrassing when I don't get sick—knowing that people are hateful but not seeing it, knowing it's a dream but not waking up. Sickness comes, no matter what, I won't be bored. You see, it’s kind of fun to fight when you say it. The most interesting thing is that after beating people, people dare not say anything to my face, but whisper behind my back, this is a lunatic. I haven’t met a nasty and tough They are all hypocritical softies. Once I pointed to a soldier's face and said he was disgusting. He got anxious and pulled out his gun. I liked it very much. I asked him: What are you doing? Huh, he put the gun back I went, and I dared to look back at me after walking a long distance; it is a disgusting and boneless thing!" He was stunned for a while. "At the beginning, I was afraid of getting sick. When I got sick, I quarreled. How could things last? Over time, I was afraid that I wouldn't get sick. If I don't get sick, I have to find something to do. It's embarrassing to be idle. Damn it. After going back and forth, I stood at a crossroads: long-term resistance? Don’t do it? I can’t! Just about to do something, the disease came back. Life seems to be playing with saws. Once, I didn’t get sick for more than half a year. Well, I said in my heart, let’s get back to the old ways of life; since I don’t want to Set fire, the smoke should go out through the chimney. I went home and honestly went to be a filial son and grandson. I often shave my face to show my sincerity. Since I can’t see the face of a dog among people, I pretend to see a person among dogs. My face is very kind to cats and dogs. I also comb the cats when I am free, and take the dog for a walk. I have reconciled with the world. The world is a lively mess, so why should we not force it? It’s hard to beat. At this time, I have written too many articles. First, I think that organizing a family and putting the responsibility of oil, salt, and firewood on me may cure the disease. Besides, I have a better impression of women. In my sick eyes, most of the people passing by are men. Although this may be a relationship of unequal opportunities, I insist that women are better than men. Make a fuss? People are probably very good at making fuss about life. I think, if you want If you find an ideal woman, you will probably be able to hang out casually for decades. The article is not over here. Didn’t I conclude that everyone is hateful based on my own experience? Now I have changed it. I think so: everyone is hateful is an inference, I have not seen with my own eyes that everyone is hateful. Maybe everyone is hateful, and I am not always sick, so I can’t see it. But maybe there are good and perfect people in the world. Even if they stand in front of my sick eyes, I will I can’t see that he’s hateful. I don’t know when I’m sick. Only when I see the person in front of me has changed, do I know I’m sick? How can I know that there is no time when I’m already sick and can’t see people’s hatefulness? If that He is not a hateful person at all. After such a fuss, my hope is even greater. I decided not to be hard anymore, get married, start a family, and have a fat boy; everyone lives happily, why should I leave ripe grapes alone? What about the acid test? The article is well done.” He rested for a while, and I didn't dare to rush him.Fill him with wine. "Remember my cousin?" He asked suddenly, "We used to play with her when we were young." "The nickname is Zhaodi'er?" I remembered that she was wearing two little green jade Ai Ye'er in her ears. "That's right. She's two years younger than me, and she's not married yet; she's waiting for me, it seems. If you want to write something, you have materials. Look, she's waiting for me. I told her everything, and she was willing to follow me. We are engaged." He remained silent for a long time, and drank two or three sips of wine. "One day, I went to find her, and I fell ill again on the way. A seven or eight-year-old girl was walking on the road with a thick bowl. A car came. She heard the horn, and she wanted to run forward. , but after taking a step, she backed up again. When the car approached, she squatted down. Fortunately, the car stopped suddenly. At this time, I saw the driver's face, which was very disgusting. In fact, he stopped the car I really want to crush that little girl to death, crush, crush back and forth, crushing. Composition is boring. I can no longer find my cousin. My world is ugly, and I can't bring her into it. I ran out again; sent her a very short letter—don't wait for me any longer. After I had hope, I couldn't be hard. I suddenly felt that I didn't know that I wasn't hateful, and I wasn't more hateful. What? This doubt took all my stubbornness away. In the past, I would hit someone who was hateful, or at least give him one look, which made him tremble for a long time. Although I am not proud of it, I am very confident-believe that I am better than others. Strong. When I want to get married and deal with the world together, it’s broken. I’m not better than others, but I just have a pair of sick eyes. I don’t have the courage to beat people anymore. I can only passively see who is hateful and avoid him I really hope that others will point their fingers at me and call me hateful, but no one is willing to do that." He was stunned for a while. "The real article of life is more thoughtful than that of human beings? You see, I just got out of prison. That's how it is. I'm hanging out with the bandits. I'm both disgusting. Who can't I be with. Our leader finally got home, he took the ransom and tore up the ticket. The ticket was tied up and built in the kang cave. I didn't beat him, I sold him, and he was shot a few days ago. In the court , I revealed all his sins. As for him, he didn’t pull me a word, but relieved me. So I only stayed in prison for a few days, but I was not convicted. Selling friends! I didn't think of this before. Jesus prayed for enemies, for bandits: he is a character. His eyes may be like mine, but he can always be hard because he is always soft. Ordinary people I can only be soft, not hard, so the world has no backbone. I can only be hard, not soft, and I can’t settle myself now. Life is really not a fun game.” He drank the wine and stood up. "Food is fine," I also stood up. "Don't eat!" He was very determined. "You can't leave, Renlu!" I was a little anxious. "This is your home!" "I'll come back another day, definitely!" He went to get those books. "Must go? Don't even eat?" I asked immediately. "You must go! There is no friendship in my world. I don't know myself, and I can discipline others. I can't enjoy an orderly family like yours. It's more comfortable to wander around." I know that there is no need to keep him anymore.After a while, I took out some money. "I don't want it!" He smiled: "You can't die from starvation. It's not bad to die from starvation." "Is it okay to give you some clothes?" I really can't help it. He froze for a while. "Well, we were classmates when we were young. You must think I'm weird, but I'm not hard anymore. I'm not hard on others. I can't be hard on myself. Look at that most hateful bandit And a bit of backbone, too. Well, give me something you're wearing yourself. That sweater would be nice. Some heat from you wouldn't exactly be a gift. I'm so good at writing!" I take off the sweater to him.He wore it over the padded robe and didn't bother to button it. There were some snowflakes flying in the sky, and the sky was covered with black clouds.I sent him out, no one said anything, a gloomy world, it seemed that the only sound of our footsteps was the two of us.When he got to the door, he didn't even turn his head, just leaned forward and walked among the snowflakes.